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Contents

august 20, 2009 VoluMe 4 issue 26

Editor-in-ChiEf

Todd Moreheadtodd@columbiacitypaper.com

ArtS Editor

Judit Trunkosjtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

dESign

Megan Weeks, Bobby Sutton

VoCAl Booth

Kingsley Waring

PuBliShEr

Paul Blakepaul@columbiacitypaper.com

ACCount ExECutiVES

James Wallace

ContriButorS

Andy Brack, Graeme Fouste, Harry S. Iarch,Magdalene Kellett, Ismail Lagardien, WR Marshall,Will Moredock, Ted Rall, Fred Richardson,Dan Savage, Mike Serge,Greg Slattery, Michael Spawn, Kingsley Waring

ColumBiA City PAPEr

2965 North Main StreetColumbia, SC 29201803.218.9455

pg. 18pg. 10

taser’s deliriuM defense p. 7letters to the readerdear crazy auntregional BriefscheeseBurger Breaks windshieldMr. Meanerscrack with a touch of feMinisMgood fighthealthcare liesstatehouse reportdon’t Be a healthcare pawnted ralllosing in in afghanistandon’t panic!what was the result of the israeli war in gaza?

Arts.Entertainment.EtcNews.Politics.Commentary

334468966101014151719

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copiesare $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of

Columbia City Paper

or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC

3

august 20, 2009

Dear Dog Daycare,

Apologies for Rudy’s behavior last week.When I dropped him off for the weekend, Ishould have mentioned that he’d gotten intomy travel bag in the car and wolfed down abox of chocolate Ex-Lax and a couple of Vivarins. I was in such a rush to get to theairport that I forgot until I logged into youronline “doggie cam” later. God, it must havebeen horrible. (But rest assured it was highlyamusing to watch.) And, hey, it could’ve beenworse: imagine if he’d been on a quarter tabof Viagra.

Columbia City PaperDear crazy aunt,

It’s not the “couch free” approach to yourliving room seating that’s so disturbing; it’sthe sheer number of chairs. I mean, at whatpoint, at what exact number, does it changefrom a room with a lot of seating options intosimply a storage space for chairs? Whateverthat number may be, after today’s trip to theflea market, I think you just crossed it.

Columbia City PaperDear Facebook quiz machine,

The first few times I learned which ancientRoman God I would be or what woodwindinstrument I most resemble, it was all in goodfun. But, now that I’ve spent my workdaystaking quizzes for the last two years, I realizethat you know more about me than even I do!You could hold a psychology symposium onthe information I’ve provided. My admissionof wetting the bed on that business trip is nowpermanently stored in a database somewhere.Forever.Well, here’s a quiz for you, Facebook:what type of insidious data collection scam areyou people really running? How long beforesome music corporation starts spamming mewith deals on Ru Paul and Right Said Fredalbums simply because I admitted to having aSmurfette birthday cake as a little boy?

Columbia City PaperDear Readers,

Be sure to log onto ColumbiaCityPaper.com if you’d like to contribute to our FirstAmendment Fund. We’re taking a FirstAmendment case before the appellate courtand –this is said with no offense intended—since most Cackalacky advertisers have neversupported this paper, we decided to take theNPR “pledge drive” approach and are hopingto garner support, however small, from thetens of thousands of you readers who checkus out each issue. Love us or hate us, if youwant to help this Frankenstein monster of apaper take alternative journalism before theS.C. higher court (and stay in print, by proxy)now is your chance to shine.

Columbia City Paper

Reader

Letters to the

GREENWOODMan dies after shocked by police Taser

A man has died after a Greenwood Countysheriff’s deputy shocked him with a Taser

during a scufe.

Ernest Owen Ridlehuber III, 53, wasshocked several times, according to reports,

for failing to cooperate with ofcers who

were trying to subdue him. Family membershad reported Ridlehuber missing earlier in theday, had expressed concerns that the man hadstopped taking his medication, and requestedpolice intervention. The man reportedly becameagitated with the police and fought them.Greenwood deputies said they thoughtRidlehuber had a gun, according to one mediareport. Members of the man’s family said theybelieve the police were doing the best theycould in the situation.

MYRTLE BEACHLocal crime writer found dead in river

The body of Dale Hudson, author of “Danceof Death” and “Die, Grandpa, Die” was found

in the Pee Dee River last week. Two shermen

reportedly discovered the body a few days afterhis wife had reported him missing.Horry County police Sgt. Robert Keglersaid the author called his wife from a cell phonewhile driving and told her he had a migraineand was pulling over to rest, according to the

Myrtle Beach Sun

. He was never heard fromagain. Police found his car abandoned in awooded area in Marion County two days later.Though it is unclear how Hudson ended upin the river, the Marion County Coroner has sofar ruled out foul play.

ORANGEBURGEx-police chief on probation for showingporn to teens

BOWMAN—A former South Carolinapolice chief has plead guilty to misconduct inoffice and will serve three years on probation.According to the

Orangeburg Times and Democrat

, Jason Marchant, 33, was chargedwith providing pornographic materials tominors. Marchant allegedly shared the pornwith at least three teens while serving as police

chief and an afdavit also accused the chief of

touching the teens in an inappropriate manner,according to the report.

ROCK HILL/CHARLOTTERock Hill may ban bongs

ROCK HILL—The Rock Hill PoliceDepartment has requested a drug paraphernalialaw that would criminalize pipes, bongs andother devices that could be used to ingestillegal drugs. Yet, some area defense lawyersare arguing that the law’s wording could causesuspects to be arrested for having ordinaryhousehold items like spoons and bottle caps.“This isn’t any kind of a battle againstdrugs,” attorney Leland Greeley told the

Rock Hill Herald

. “That law is already in place by thestate. This is just so that they can charge under amunicipal ordinance and keep all the money.”Police say it doesn’t have anything to dowith bringing in revenue for the city through

nes.

The law would also apply to retail storesthat sell bongs and pipes.

Motorcyclist killed while poppingwheelies in Target parking lot

CHARLOTTE – Charlotte-Mecklenburgpolice said a motorcycle rider died afterrunning into the side of a Target departmentstore building.According to witnesses Mark Howard, 26,sped away from a stop sign on his 2008 SuzukiGSXR-600 and attempted to pop a wheeliewhen he lost control of the bike and slid intothe building. Howard was pronounced dead atthe scene.

Buzzards lay siege to Chester

CHESTER— A horde of large blackvultures has overrun the town of Chester,leaving harried residents both frustrated andunnerved.“They swoop down on children and dogs,”Chester resident, Karen Brazzell, told WSOCTV.“They’ve tore up her trampoline,” Brazelladded, nodding to her neighbor’s house.“They’ve tore up everything that’s on hercarport.”“They make me think of death when I seethem,” one woman told WSOC.The problem in Chester is similar to a2008 incident when vultures overran the townof Bishopville, South Carolina. And similarto the event in Bishopville, the buzzards inChester have been blamed for damaging roofsand gnawing the rubber off vehicles. Living ona diet of rotting animal carcasses, the buzzardshave also fouled the town with their highlyacidic, foul spelling feces.“My daughter has a swing set, and they getup there and regurgitate all over that stuff, andit’s nasty,” Matt Winchester said in the report.Since the vultures are a protected species,

the townsfolk can only shoot recrackers and

make other noises in an attempt to shoo thebirds away.