1 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds Your name is Chuck Awesome, action hero.

You live in the year of 21 !. "n the future, the entire #lanet earth is $ust one bi% city. You have been an action hero for as lon% as you can remember. Recently, however, you haven&t had that much to do, and you&re itchin% for a fi%ht. '"&m %onna %o to (ur%er )i%* you say. (ur%er )i% is the name of the hottest bur%er $oint in town, owned by a mutated half+man, half+#i% named ,scar. You throw on some cool clothes, %rab your shades, and check yourself in the mirror. '" really need to shave-* you tell yourself. (ut that&s a %ood thin%. Action heroes need to look rugged. You almost head out of the door when you hear an annoyed com#uter voice. Dont forget me, you nincompoop! .hat&s Ro%er, your com#uter watch. He has artificial intelli%ence, so he&s smart and can talk like #eo#le can. 'Almost for%ot-* you %rab Ro%er and #ut him on. '" can&t believe you were %oin% to leave without meYou should be more careful- /hat if you run into any bad %uys0* Ro%er says to you. '" seriously doubt we&ll see any. /e haven&t had any action these #ast two weeks. /hat&s an action hero without action0* you tell Ro%er. You are now out of your a#artment and on street level. You live in 1as 2e%as. "t&s not a very nice #lace, but it&s a hots#ot for action hero stuff. You don&t have a ride, since bad %uys wrecked it on your last mission.

2 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '" detest violence. )eo#le could %et hurt. You could %et hurt.* Ro%er com#lains. Ro%er, alon% with hel#in% you on your missions, was also an e3#ert on the law. He actually wanted to be lawyer, but instead, he4s in your watch. '.hat&s why " have an official action hero license.* You tell him. You are less than a block away from (ur%er )i%. .he air feels warm and dry on your skin. You need a drink. "t&s ni%httime, and the stars shine bri%ht. You look at the li%hts on the si%ns around you and at the cacti. You&ve always loved the desert. You are now at (ur%er #i%. You o#en the door and find a seat. '/hat can " %et you0* says a waitress kindly. 5he has lon% dark hair and is $a#anese. Dang, shes pretty. You think. '"&ll have a tri#le cheesebur%er and a lar%e root beer.* '5ure thin%.* .he waitress winks at you as she moves on to the ne3t table. Ro%er rolls his eyes on the screen. 6His face is a smiley face, by the way7. All of a sudden, ,scar sits down ne3t to you with a loud thud and an 'oink*. 'Hey, ,scar- 1on% time no see-* You and ,scar are old friends. (oth of you fou%ht in the first alien war. (ut earth has lon% since made #eace with the aliens, and is now a #art of the first inter+#lanetary democracy, called the 8nited )lanets of America. 'Snort. Hi Chuck- " heard you haven&t had a lot of work lately.* 5ays ,scar.

9 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Yeah, " haven&t,* you re#ly. ':ot any $obs for me0* 'As a matter of fact, " have two. Oink. ,scar feels around in his %reasy a#ron #ouch and #ulls out a bunch of #a#ers. '.here&s a rumor %oin% around that the li;ard aliens, the Reptilians, in the Casino la Reptile are #lannin% somethin% bi%. )ossibly a rebellion. Snort. ' ,scar #ulls out another #ile of #a#ers. '.here&s also some robots that have been robbin% banks and are takin% hosta%es. Oink. Your mission would be to break into the bank they&ve taken over and save the hosta%es.* '/ill " have any hel#0* You ask. 'Yes. Snort. .he waitress that served you0 Her name is Akane <urosawa. 5he&s a modern samurai and an e3#ert in combat. Oink.* '5ounds %ood.* You re#ly. '"&ve made my decision.*

f you choose to go stop the Reptilians, turn to page ! f you choose to sa"e the hostages, turn to page #$

= Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '"4ll choose the first one* you tell ,scar. '.hat4s a %ood choice. Snort.* he re#lies. You take a bite out of your tri#le cheesebur%er, which was delivered when you were talkin% to ,scar. You were so focused that you didn4t even notice. "t tastes %reat. You finish your root beer in one %ul# and #ay your bill. 'Ah the $oys of the adult life* you si%h, wi#e your face and #ut down your na#kin. '1et4s %o, ,scar. " need to %et my wea#ons.* '" ho#e you reali;e that that meal you $ust ate was 19>> calories. "t4s very unhealthy.* says Ro%er. '"4m an action hero. " kill calories almost as much as " kill bad %uys.* you re#ly. Considerin% the lack of action you4ve %otten the #ast two weeks, thou%h, maybe Ro%er was ri%ht. You and ,scar %o into the back room of (ur%er )i%, and find Akane, now in her combat %ear. '/hat4ll it be, boys0* says Akane. ':ive me my usual twin automatic hand%uns.* you tell her. You don4t like to use lar%e wea#ons. .hey are too heavy to run around with, and you can4t sneak around with them. Also, their ammo is e3#ensive. 'Alri%ht.* she re#lies. 5he searches throu%h one of the cabinets and hands you your wea#ons. .he hand%uns are both kind of small, but #ack a lot of fire#ower and have unlimited ammo, thanks to Ro%er4s built+in ammo tele#orter.

Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You and Akane walk to her car and %et in. Akane #uts her sword in the back seat and turns the car on. '"t4ll be about ten seconds until we %et to the Casino.* Akane re#lies. '.hink you can wait that lon%0* '(ut it4s a mile away-* you say. Akane lau%hs. "nstantly, you feel a hu%e thrust blast throu%h your body, and li%hts fly by you. You must be travelin% at 9!> miles #er hour. (efore you know it, you4re at the casino. '.hat... was... A/?5,M?--* you shout, %ri##in% your seat for dear life. '(e @uiet-* Akane whis#ers. 'You want to %et us killed0* You look out the window and see a %rou# of Re#tilians on #atrol outside the casino. .he casino is really bi%, and has lots of li%hts and sound comin% from inside it. .he re#tilians turn to you and look at your car. You4re s#otted. (efore you know it, you4re flat on your back under a steamin% #ile of wrecka%e. Akane is by your side, unconscious. "f you run, you could %rab her and esca#e. ,r, you could fi%ht the bad %uys off, with the risk of blowin% your cover.

f you %ant to take &kane and run, turn to page $ f you %ant to fight off the 'ad guys, turn to page (

! Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '?at lead, you lu%%a%e-* You shout at the Re#tilians. 'You4re about to save 1 A or more on life insurance-* .he re#tilians ready their lasers. You #ull the tri%%er, and fire fifty rounds at the first re#tile. He e3#lodes, and slime flies everywhere. .he other two run away. '.hat was a stu#id idea* says Ro%er. 'Bow the whole casino will be on to you-* 5ure enou%h, around fifty heavily e@ui##ed re#tilians in combat suits burst out of the front door. You run at them, %uns bla;in%. (an%- (an%- ?3#losions of %oo and combat suit chunks fly every which way. (ullets fly everywhere. .ime slows down as you finish the last blow, turnin% the re#tilian leader into a steamin% #ile of %oo. A ru#tured %as #i#e blows u# the entire casino. "t is totally awesome. '" stand corrected,* Ro%er re#lies. '.hat was a marvelous idea.* 'Bo it4s not. "t4s reckless.* says Akane as she #ulls herself u# from a #ile of rubble.. 'You may have wasted their entire army, but you didn4t %et a sin%le #iece of evidence, takin% whatever was left went out with the e3#losion. Bow you will %o to $ail.* Cust then, a re#tilian sni#er takes all three of you out. /hile you were wastin% your time en$oyin% your victory and killin% their friends, the sni#ers around the casino sent videos of your actions to the Re#tilian home world "nstead of sto##in% the resistance, you %ave the Re#tilians even more reason to %o to war+ a call to arms. Bow, the earth is doomed. .he ?nd

D Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You %rab Akane and run into the nearest back alley before the re#tilians notice. "n about five minutes, Akane comes to. '/hat ha##ened0* 5he asks. '.hose cree#y crawlers $ust busted your ride* you tell her. Akane starts to talk, but you motion her to be silent. You #oint to the to# of a buildin% to show her a re#tilian sni#er. '/hat will we do0* she whis#ers. Ro%er shines a laser #ointer to a door on your ri%ht. '" say we should %o there* he re#lies. '" can hack the lock to %et it o#en.* '.oo risky* Akane re#lies. '"t could tri%%er an alarm.* '" can take him out if " take the %un off of one of the %uards back there.* you re#ly. '.hey can only see motion, so if " sneak u# behind them they won4t notice me.*

f you %ant to hack the door, turn to page ) f you %ant to take the gun off of the guard, turn to page *

E Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '"4ll take the %un.* you tell them. ',kay. (e careful.* Akane whis#ers. You sneak as carefully as you can, out of the alley and back into the dan%er ;one. You break out in a cold sweat, hands shakin%. .he tri%%ers feel hair+thin. All of a sudden, it hits you. Bo, "4m not talkin% about an idea or some sudden reali;ation. /e4re talkin% about the 19 inch sni#er round hittin% you in the back of the head. /hen you ran out into the o#en, you ca#tured the attention of the sni#er that had been watchin% you beforehand. Bow you are dead, and Akane and Ro%er will have to face the Re#tilians alone. .hey fail, by the way. (ut that4s another story. .H? ?BF

G Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You motion to Ro%er to hack the door. He nods on the screen. .he laser #ointer turns %reen as it sends a wireless si%nal into it4s circuitry. '.his will only take a second* says Ro%er, his di%ital voice strained. 'Hurry u#. .hose 1i;ards aren4t %oin% to sit under the sun all day.* you tell him. .he door clicks as it unlocks. You motion to Akane to wait as you ease o#en the door to check if the coast is clear. "t is. You see a $anitor closet, with a door on the other side. 'Alri%ht, it4s clea+* +,R&&&&&-! ,R&&&&-!+ ./R0D1R &21R/! ./R0D1R &21R/!* '.hat4s #robably the siren,* Akane adds. 'R8B-* you shout. You and Akane (urst throu%h the door and immediately run into a #atrol of Re#tilians in a corner ne3t to the showers. You are in the locker room for the %uards. 1ucky for you, the casino is closed toni%ht, so you won4t run into any civilians. '"4ve %ot this.* says Akane. /ith three swin%s, her katana slices the Re#tilians in half, s#ewin% %oo everywhere. '.hat thin% cut throu%h them like warm butter-* You tell her, astounded. Akane sim#ly winks, as both of you run off into the ne3t room.

1> Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds .he ne3t room is the slot machine floor, #art one of the two+ level casino. .he casino floor wra#s around behind a short fli%ht of marble stairs to the #oker tables, followed by the offices where the hideout #robably is. .he alarm is still blarin% in your ears, mind you. ?verywhere about you is chaos, as the Re#tilian $anitors frantically run about in #anic. .hey aren4t bad %uys like the %uards are. 3e4"e got to do something a'out that alarm! Akane shouts. '/oo risky! you shout back. '/hey already kno% %e4re here, and the shutoff s%itch is in the security guard4s room! /e4ve %ot to do somethin%-* says Ro%er. He doesn4t have to shout. He4s a com#uter. He can $ust turn u# the volume. '" su##ose you can fi%ht them on your way to the hideout, if you want.*

f you choose to fight the guards and make a 'reak for it, turn to page 56 f you choose to shut off the alarm, turn to page 55

11 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '5crew it, let4s turn off that alarm-* you shout. You and Akane dash towards the %uard4s room. You have no time to see if anybody notices you. .he door is in reach+ you o#en the swin%in% door with your shoulder and it closes @uickly behind you. /ith a si%h of relief, you walk over to wall of televisions that show the live camera feeds, and #ress the alarm turnoff switch. '.hat was a close one, eh Akane0* you lau%h. Akane doesn4t re#ly. You hear only silence. 'Akane0 5ay somethin%.* As you start to turn around, you feel somethin% hard hittin% you in the back. You black out. H H H

You wake u#, findin% yourself tied to a chair in a dark room. A bri%ht li%ht shines on your face, makin% it hard to see. "t4s a classic interro%ation trick+ the bri%ht li%ht disorients you, makin% it easier to %et an answer. '"4m not %oin% to ask you to tell us why you came here* says a ras#y %rowl from a dark corner of the room. 'Your kind never do. Humans like you are stubborn.* .he voice turns into the form of a Re#tilian, dressed in a military uniform, decorated with many medals of honor. He was their %eneral. He was their leader. /ithout him, the resistance would soon fall a#art. 'Ro%er, hel# me out here,* you whis#er. .he %eneral lau%hs. 'You won4t %et much out of that. My boys are re#ro%rammin% him as we s#eak. Your #artner, the samurai, is already bein%

12 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds @uestioned. 5he4s a tou%h nut to crack, but eventually we4ll turn her into a useful slave back on Re#tilon "2, our home world* You cou%h. .hey hit you #retty hard, whoever it was. Your chest hurts. '/hy0 /hat do you want, you slitherin%, cold+ blooded #air of crocodile shoes0* .he %eneral lau%hs, as he li%hts his ci%ar. He takes a dee# #uff, and sits down in front of you. 'Your cheesy one+liners will do you no %ood here.* his smirk turns cold. 'Bo, "4m not %oin% to ask you. " already know. You want to sto# my #eo#le from leavin% the 8nited )lanets of America and becomin% an em#ire.* .he re#tile takes the ci%ar out of his mouth and #uts it inches away from your throat. 'Bo. " won4t ask you. (ut " will %ive you a choice. ?ither you %ive u# and become my slave... or "4ll burn throu%h your throat and suffocate you with this ci%ar.*

f you choose to gi"e up, turn to page 57 f you choose to refuse, turn to page 5!

19 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You stare hard at the %eneral. You have never felt so ho#eless. /hat started as a sim#le mission ended with com#lete failure. You han% your head with a frown on your face. .he %eneral smiles. 'A wise decision. "4ll be sure to make you one of my lead slaves.* he stares at you. His smile turns into a frown. '"4ve %ot business to attend to. /e4re done here.* .he %eneral walks out of the room and closes the door. .hat was your one chance to end the revolt, and you blew it. Bow you4ll never be an action hero. You hear a hiss come throu%h the vents. You try to raise your head, but cannot. You smell a faint hint of almonds, but it4s already too late. You4ve been #oisoned by #oison %as. You die. 5o much for bein% a hero.

.H? ?BF.

1= Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You stare hard at the %eneral. You have never seen anyone so u%ly. You scratch your shin with your foot, and notice that your feet are untied. '/ell, that sounds like a #retty %ood deal* you chuckle. '(ut " refuse.* ':ood-*he says. .he %eneral has a menacin% %rin on his face. '"4ll en$oy watchin% you die.* Cust then, you kick the %eneral s@uare in the %roin as hard as you can. You fall backwards, crushin% the chair and freein% yourself. .he %eneral roars, s@uirmin% on the %round. '"t looks like you really are $ust a crawlin% snake after all-* you lau%h. (efore the %eneral can %et u#, you break his neck with a hard stom# of your foot. You take the ci%ar and #ut it in your mouth. 'Close, but no Ci%ar.* You walk out of the room. .he mission is com#lete. You find Ro%er and Akane aslee# in the hallway. "t seems they4ve esca#ed too, althou%h were left e3hausted. You lau%h. '"t seems like those li;ards really were stu#id.*

.H? ?BF

1 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '5crew that alarm, let4s make a break for it-* you shout. "n the distance, thousands of %uards run at you. "t4s %oin% to %et messy. '"4m here to kick butt and fill li;ards with hot lead. And "4ve %ot #lenty of both.* you lau%h. 'My sword is thirsty toni%ht.* says Akane. 5he has a scary %rin on her face, and her eyes are shar# as knives. '" do ho#e you %uys know what you4re doin%.* says Ro%er. .ime seems to slow down. You run faster and have @uicker refle3es than what should be humanly #ossible. You $um# at a Re#tilian and #unch his head off and he e3#lodes into a steamin% #ile of %oo. "t4s totally sick. And so be%ins the (loodbath of the century. + + +

?verythin% around you is a flurry of violence. You don4t know what you4re doin%, but somehow your %uns do. .here4s no end to the bullets. You4re so covered in %oo the stains are #robably never %oin% to come out. Akane is lau%hin% maniacally, shoutin% thin%s in Ca#anese as her blade slau%hters everythin% in its #ath. .okens and %lass and #oker chi#s fly and s#arkle everywhere. .he room is so filled with re#tiles that it seems like it4s %oin% to e3#lode, but you kee# shootin%, kee# firin%, kee# killin% and killin% because you are unsto##able and it feels %ood.

1! Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You feel like you4re aslee# somehow. You4ve trained for years, so combat feels like second nature. You4re on auto#ilot. Your feet slosh in a knee+dee# %reen muck, and finally the last Re#tile is finished. And on that day, fifteen thousand Re#tiles had met their end. You half+swim, half+crawl onto the second floor, out of the ocean of %oo on hands and knees, everythin% in your body screamin% in #ain. Akane does the same. Ior a while, it seems unreal. You haven4t had a fi%htin% #artner in a lon% time. Your last #artner was killed in action. 5he was your best friend. (ut that4s another story. Ro%er was freakin% out. '/A5 .HA. ?B."R?1Y B?C?55ARY0- Y,8 M85. HA2? <"11?F AB ?B."R? :?B?RA.",B ,I+ AAAA:H-* You lau%h. 'Calm down, Ro%er. .hey would have done the same to the entire #lanet had we sto##ed fi%htin%.* Akane is aslee#, with a content smile on her face. Ior all you know, she4ll be aslee# for a week or more, accordin% to Ro%er4s info he4s showin% on the screen. '5hould we $ust... leave her here0* you ask. '"t doesn4t seem like we have any other choice.* Ro%er re#lies. .he windows on the ceilin% show a bri%ht twinkle in the sky, and all of a sudden the feelin% of relief disa##ears. 'Ro%er, scan that bri%ht li%ht.* You say, frownin%.

1D Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds Ro%er thinks for a moment, and re#lies. '"t4s a missile, Chuck. "t4s headed for ?arth.* You feel cold and distant. .he seriousness of the situation feels like a dream, but you have %ot to kee# %oin%. 'Ro%er0 Fo " still have that $et#ack built into you somewhere0* 'Yeah.* '" think we may need it #retty soon, here. However...* You turn to your side, and miraculously you see a sni#er rifle. '" could #robably $ust shoot it from here.* f you %ant to use the 8etpack, turn to page 5) f you %ant to use the sniper rifle, turn to page 5*.

1E Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You %et u# and #ick u# the sni#er rifle. You look into its sco#e, take a cou#le seconds to aim, and #ull the tri%%er. All of a sudden, a thirty+second e3#losion a##ears. "t is awesome. .he entire city watches. .he ?arth is saved, thanks to you. You are their hero. (ut now, you $ust want to rest. "f there were any Re#tilians left, they4d have been arrested. Akane rubs her eyes and mumbles. '/hat ha##ened0 Fid we win0* 'Yeah. " $ust had to take down a mile+lon% nuclear warhead with a sni#er rifle from about 2> miles away. Bo bi%%ie.* '.hat4s nice.* 5he says. 5he falls back aslee#. /atchin% her, you suddenly reali;e $ust how tired you really are. '" su##ose a little cuddlin% never hurt anyone.* You fall aslee# and #ut your arm around Akane. .his will be the start of a wonderful relationshi#. And by relationshi#, " mean fi%htin% team. '" can4t believe "4m attached to these morons.* says Ro%er. '5he4s 'reathing on me.* And they all lived ha##ily ever after. .H? ?BF

1G Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Bah, that4ll never work. 1et4s use the $et#ack.* Ro%er makes a little bli# sound and a $et#ack a##ears out of nowhere. You #ut on the $et#ack and take off, not wastin% any time. '.he Missile is about ten miles from reachin% the stratos#here,* says Ro%er. 'At this rate, it4ll reach the earth in about ten minutes,* "t takes five minutes to %et to the missile. .he air is cold, but you bou%ht the #ower to breathe in s#ace from an a## Ro%er downloaded. You shiver, starin% at the %round and back to the missile. /hat if you fail0 .hen, the entire earth will e3#lode, and all of that fi%htin% would have been for nothin%. Also, there4s no %uarantee that you4ll be able to sto# it. '.here it is,* you think to Ro%er as you reach outer s#ace. 5ound doesn4t travel in outer s#ace, but Ro%er can read your thou%hts $ust fine. .he missile is a lot bi%%er than you ima%ined. "t4s the si;e of a skyscra#er. '"t4s %ettin% #retty close to the ?arth.* says Ro%er. '"f we don4t do somethin% now, even if we blow it u#, it could...* You both #ause. You reali;e that either you or Ro%er may not make it throu%h the mission. 'Chuck, "....* says Ro%er. '" never really su##orted your work in the #ast, and " never really wanted to be your #artner in the first #lace, but... "4m really %lad "4m your friend. "f you want, " can hack the missile for you, and fly it into the sun...* 'Bo way-* You think. 'You4ll die-*

2> Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds Ro%er has a sad smiley face on his screen. '"t4s your only o#tion, "4m afraid. " mean, you could .RY to %et another su#er #ower, but " wouldn4t advise it. Your body may not be able to handle another one.* f you choose to let Roger sacrifice himself, turn to page #5 f you %ant to try to get another super po%er, turn to page #7

21 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You #ause, starin% at Ro%er4s screen. ',kay,* you say. 'Fo it.* Ro%er4s face looks sad. '"4ll miss you, old friend.* You take off your watch and #lace it on the missile. You drift away, wavin% to Ro%er. You4re an action hero. You don4t have time for tears. (ut Ro%er4s sacrifice hurts a little inside. "t4ll take some time to heal, but the entire world will thank him someday. You watch as the missile chan%es it4s course and flies off towards the sun, Ro%er4s twinklin% blue li%ht fadin% in the distance.

You have butterflies in your stomach. You4re about to %ive a s#eech. "t4s been ten years since that day. You and Akane are married now, with your first child. You4re now an action hero family. You lau%h. '"4m sure with our %enes that kid4s %oin% to be scary-* Akane smiles. '"4ll set him strai%ht if he does anythin% stu#id.* 'You4re on, snort. 5ays ,scar, dressed u# in a blue tu3edo. '1ookin% shar# there, ,scar-* you lau%h.

22 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You walk throu%h the curtains and stand at a #odium, in front of a stadium filled with #eo#le. You wait until they %et seated and become @uiet. '.oday marks the ten year anniversary of my best friend4s sacrifice. .hanks to him, the #lanet ?arth still stands. every year since the 8nited )lanets marks this day as a holiday, to remember him. '"t4s taken a lon% time, but we have finally found the remains of Ro%er. His battery has died, but from his remains we have been able to create his child who, "4m sure, will become an even %reater hero than he was. .hank you.* You walk off the sta%e, and into your dressin% room. You o#en a bo3 and look at the crushed remains of Ro%er with a sad smile. ':oodbye, old friend,* you whis#er. 'You truly were the %reatest action hero of all time.* .H? ?BF

29 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '5crew that-* you think loudly, if that4s even #ossible. '1et4s choose a su#er #ower-* Ro%er rolls his eyes with a smile on his face. '/ell e3cuse me for bein% sa##y. "4ll load the #ro%ram now.* a chime #lays, lettin% you know the #ro%ram has loaded, and an annoyin% female voice #lays. 3elcome to the superpo%er store! 3e4re glad to help. 3e ha"e many different po%ers to choose from, to fit any mission or 'udget. Rescuing 9issions: 3e4"e got that. &ssassinations: 3e4"e got that. 'Come on, Come on- /e don4t have time for this. .ake us to the missile crisis #a%e-* '2oading... 2oading... please %ait... %e4re glad to help... po%ers... po%ers... for only ten cents a day %e can send a flo%er to someone you lo"e... it4s that time of year aga; )A:? HA5 1,AF?F.* 'Iinally-* you think, mouthin% silently, makin% a mental note of the flowers ad. Ro%er thinks for a moment, then re#lies. '/ell, the only two #owers in your #rice ran%e are 4instant tele#ort4 and 4su#er awesome s#eedburst blammo e3#lodorama activator beam4.* f you choose to purchase the instant teleport, turn to page #6 f you choose to purchase the super a%esome speed'urst 'lammo e<plodorama acti"ator 'eam, turn to page #!

2= Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '" don4t know what the heck it is, but "4ll take the last one.* ':ood choice.* Ro%er assures you. '"4m sure it will be a %reat success.* 'Here %oes+ <A... M?... HA... M?... 58)?RA/?5,M?5)??F(8R5.(1AMM,?J)1,F,RA MAAC."2A.,R(?AM =O!!!!* You scream. A##arently you can shout in s#ace now. .he rocket %ets struck by a bolt of li%htnin% and slams into the earth at the s#eed of li%ht, e3#lodin% in seventeen directions and thirteen directions known only to dol#hins. Con%ratulations. .he earth is now destroyed. ',o#s.*

.H? ?BF

2 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Bah. .hat4s stu#id. "4ll take the instant tele#ort.* you tell Ro%er. A##arently you can talk in s#ace now. '" ho#e you know what you4re doin%.* says Ro%er. You rub your hands to%ether and sla# them a%ainst the rocket. "nstantly, the missile is swallowed into your bellybutton, with you and Ro%er bein% swallowed behind it. "t looks very silly. ?lsewhere, a Re#tilian named 5nork is havin% a very bad day. He looks u# at the sky, sniffin% and snorkin% as loud as he can, then bursts into an absent+minded screech and flails his arms in terror as everyone around him runs about in horror. '"t seems like we4re at Re#tilon "2, the Re#tilian home world* You #ut on your %lasses slowly. '"t looks like this re#tile e3hibit... is closed.* ,ut of nowhere, the lead riff to .he /ho4s hit sin%le 'who are you* #lays loudly. '...the heck was that0* Ro%er e3claims. '" dunno. 1et4s finish this.* You hurl the rocket at Re#tilon "2 and watch as it e3#lodes for at least two hours, s#ewin% %oo halfway across the %ala3y and entertainin% you the entire time. '.hat was awesome-* Ro%er shouts. '"4ve never been so e3cited in my entire boot cycle-*

2! Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'You know what they say...* you say, #uttin% on your %lasses once a%ain. 'Awesome is... my family name-* And the lead riff from the who4s hit sin%le 'who are you* #lays one more time. .H? ?BF

2D Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '"4ll save the hosta%es. "4m in for somethin% a bit more stealthy.* you tell oscar. ':ood choice. Snort. says ,scar. '/hy do you do that0* you ask. '/hat0 Oink. '.hat- .hat ri%ht there- You snort and oink all the time/hat4s with that0* '"4m a #i%. "t4s what " do. Snooooort. You roll your eyes and #ay your tab. You still haven4t %otten your food yet, but you weren4t hun%ry anyway. '1et4s %et some wea#ons.* you tell ,scar. ,scar nods and you both %o to the back room of (ur%er )i%. You find Akane in a form+fittin% s#y outfit, and stare blankly at her for about ten seconds. 'Are you $ust %oin% to stare like that, or are you %oin% to ask me what wea#on you want0* says Akane, annoyed. '/ha+ /hat wea#ons do you have0* You @uickly move your eyes to somethin% else. You see a toy beaver. .hat4s nice. You4ll stare at that. '/e have your standard twin micro automatic hand%uns. 5turdy, reliable, no fancy stuff. /e also have a #air of brand+ new transformin% %un+%loves, an u#%rade for Ro%er. Cust make a %un sha#e with your fin%ers and they transform into %uns. .hey also have li%htnin% fists, slow down time, and they

2E Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds have %ravity cannons, so if you #unch or throw somethin% they %o flyin%. .he works.* '/hat4s the catch0* You ask. '.hey4re heavy, and sometimes they %et $ammed and you have to crack your knuckles to reload. " su##ose you can say they4re kind of hard to use.* 'Sounds a 'it %eird... %onder %hich one 4ll choose... You think.

f you choose the standard t%in micro automatic handguns, go to page #) f you choose the transforming gun;glo"es, go to page 75

2G Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Bah, screw that. .hose %loves sound weird. "4ll take my hand%uns.* 'Alri%ht.* Akane searches throu%h a cabinet and hands you your hand%uns. '.here you are, babies.* You say, strokin% your hand%uns with a thin smile on your face. 'Faddy missed you.* Akane rolls her eyes as both of you walk over to the tele#orter. Ior normal missions, you would $ust take the car, but since this mission re@uires stealth and is relatively far away, the tele#orter is re@uired. .he only drawback is that you have to tele#ort outside, since the tele#orter uses satellite ima%in%, and therefore cannot see into buildin%s. You ste# into the chamber. "t is a small %reen tube, bi% enou%h for two #eo#le. ,scar ty#es in the coordinates and you feel a bri%ht li%ht sur%in% throu%h your body. You feel numb as your atomic #articles are ri##ed a#art, and before you know it you are in a back alley ne3t to a dum#ster. Akane readies her s#y e@ui#ment, which is built into a s#ecial com#artment in her katana sword. (esides bein% a modern samurai, Akane is also well trained in the arts of the cyber+ nin$a. 'Alri%ht, so the nearest entrance is that window over there. " say we+* Akane sto#s talkin% as you both turn to your ri%ht to see a robot. "4m not %oin% to describe him. Cust ima%ine the most awesome robot you can, and that4s what he looks like. 'Could you deal with him0 "4m kind of busy here.*

9> Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You %runt, annoyed, and aim at the robot4s head and fire. Bothin% ha##ens. You see a small dent in the robot4s head where the bullet hit. You aim a%ain at his head, and fire. A%ain, nothin% ha##ens. '"t seems like your bullets aren4t bi% enou%h,* 5ays ro%er. .he robot, starin% at you blankly, #oints his fin%ers at you and fires one bullet into each of your heads. '5tu#id humans.* He mumbles. '" can4t believe " %ot two more dents. My wife4s %oin% to %o cra;y.* ,h well. At least the robot that shot you was funny. .H? ?BF.

91 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '.hose %loves actually sound kind of sweet.* You tell Akane. '5ure thin%.* says Akane. 5he o#ens a %lovebo3 on the table to your ri%ht and hands you two black %loves. .hey look ama;in%ly cool. Michael Cackson would be #roud. You #ut on the %loves carefully, e3#ectin% some sort of #ain or discomfort. "nstead, the %love on your left hand latches onto Ro%er, and the %love on your ri%ht hand connects to a vein in your wrist, which feels sur#risin%ly comfortable. You test out your new hands, clenchin% your fists a cou#le of times. After the %loves confi%ure themselves, microbots travel throu%h your bloodstream and connect to several #arts on your brain. You see holo%rams float around your hands, showin% you which wea#ons you have, im#ortant health info and your stealth meter. '"t4s standard for every model,* 5ays ,scar. 'You don4t have to #ay attention to the holo%rams much. "t4s $ust so you can feel like you4re #layin% a video%ame. After suitin% u#, both of you walk over to the tele#orter. Ior normal missions, you would $ust take the car, but since this mission re@uires stealth and is relatively far away, the tele#orter is re@uired. .he only drawback is that you have to tele#ort outside, since the tele#orter uses satellite ima%in%, and therefore cannot see into buildin%s. You ste# into the chamber. "t is a small %reen tube, bi% enou%h for two #eo#le. ,scar ty#es in the coordinates and you feel a bri%ht li%ht sur%in% throu%h your body. You feel numb as your

92 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds atomic #articles are ri##ed a#art, and before you know it you are in a back alley ne3t to a dum#ster. Akane readies her s#y e@ui#ment, which is built into a s#ecial com#artment in her katana sword. (esides bein% a modern samurai, Akane is also well trained in the arts of the cyber+ nin$a. 'Alri%ht, so the nearest entrance is that window over there. " say we+* Akane sto#s talkin% as you both turn to your ri%ht to see a robot. "4m not %oin% to describe him. Cust ima%ine the most awesome robot you can, and that4s what he looks like. "t4s Y,8R adventure- You can do that by yourself. 'Could you deal with him0 "4m kind of busy here.* .he %loves4 interface is sur#risin%ly easy to use. You #oint two fin%ers at the robot4s head and s@uee;e your hands, firin% two bullets at the robot4s head. .he robot short circuits, e3#lodes, and falls on the %round, leavin% a #ool of oil. ':ood. You used the silent mode. You4ll need that.* You feel a rush of adrenaline. You could %et used to this. .hey4re kind of %immicky, but you can4t wait to %et into some real action. '5o like " was sayin%, the window we should climb throu%h is u# there.* '5crew that- "4m #unchin% throu%h-* '3hat:

99 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You heard me- "4m #unchin% throu%h this wall-* You clench your fists and li%htnin% flows throu%h your body. You #unch the wall as hard as you can, leavin% a hole $ust lar%e enou%h to climb throu%h. '"4m an action hero, Akane. Bot a su#er s#y. "4m built for Action, and nothin% else.* An alarm sounds, but you4re inside You see a robot char%in% on the wall. Heavy footste#s clank in the distance.* 'You ready for this, Ro%er0* You ask. 'More than ever,* Ro%er re#lies. '1et4s do this.* You #ut in your earbuds and #lay some fi%htin% music. "t4s show time. You and akane run into the hall towards a %rou# of robots. '"4ve %ot this-* screams Akane. Akane shouts somethin% in $a#anese as she flies throu%h the air, somersaults, and shreds throu%h the robots like tin foil. ,il s#rays everywhere and dri#s off of the ceilin%. (ut you don4t sto#, li%hts are flashin% red and on and off and it feels awesome. .he hall o#ens into a hu%e room filled with the bank4s teller windows. .he hosta%es aren4t here, but there4s a lot of %lass booths. .he room is filled with robots, scowlin% at you with red li%hts in their eyes. You and Akane run towards them. You #unch throu%h a solid wall of %lass and slam into the robots fists first. .he robots fly into another %rou# of robots and they fly everywhere and e3#lode like bowlin% #ins.

9= Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 5trike. You #oint all four fin%ers outward, activatin% your heavy machine %un mode. You s#in around, killin% all of the robots around you. Akane #resses a button on her sword and the sword starts %lowin%. .ime slows down as a hu%e crowd of robots run at her. 5he swin%s throu%h five robots, does a front fli# and cuts throu%h three more. 5he then $um#s in midair, swin%s heavily, and thrusts her sword into the %round, sendin% a shockwave of li%htnin% throu%h the %round. .he robots fly into the walls and ceilin% and e3#lode. ?verywhere is a flurry of bullets and robots flyin%. .ime is in slow motion. 1i%htnin% sur%es throu%h your body. You o#en your hand into a kun% fu ti%er4s claw and shoot rockets throu%h your #alms. Metal shards and %lass fly everywhere and swirl around you and akane as the fi%ht %oes on. All of a sudden, a hu%e robot slams throu%h the side of the buildin% and #lows throu%h about a thousand robots. '/e4re %oin% to need heavy fire#ower for this one-* Ro%er shouts. Ro%er %ets control of one of your hands and fires about twenty headshots #er second. 'Fon4t worry about that. Akane, come over here-* .he robot roars, and rushes toward you full s#eed. You %rab akane and char%e her with electricity and shoot her at a hundred miles #er hour with your %loves. Akane roars and #oints her sword in front of her, flyin% strai%ht throu%h the lar%e robot. He be%ins to e3#lode. .he robots retreat into the back room.

9 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '.hey4re runnin% away- 5hould we follow them0* you shout. .he robot still e3#lodin%. 'Bo- /e4ve %ot to %o find the hosta%es- /e can deal with the robots later-* .here4s no time to waste. Make your decision.

f you choose to chase the ro'ots, turn to page 7( f you choose to find the hostages, turn to page 7$

9! Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '1ets follow those robots- .hey4ve %ot to be headed somewhere-* Akane nods as both of you run full s#eed, not losin% any momentum as you #low throu%h a solid wall of robots clo%%in% u# the e3it. ,il s#ews out of the doors as you find yourself outside of the bank buildin%. ',h no- .he hosta%es are inside, and the hu%e robot is still e3#lodin%-* Akane cries. (oth of you try to #ush your way back throu%h the crowd, but it4s easier to %o out than to %o in. .he robot4s e3#losion hits it4s final crescendo as the entire buildin% blows u#, sendin% both of you flyin% backwards for at least three blocks and leavin% a hu%e smolderin% crater. You may have sto##ed the robots, but you failed to rescue the hosta%es and take the robot leader to $ustice. You see a beam of li%ht as he tele#orts away, unharmed. He can always build more robots. (ut you can4t build more hosta%es.

.H? ?BF

9D Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds .he lar%e robot finally sto#s e3#lodin% and fi;;les out. .he tiny ones run away into the ni%ht, eventually bein% ca#tured by the local #olice. You and Akane walk throu%h the double doors behind the teller windows and o#en them. You find yourselves in an even lar%er room, which is actually a room filled with safes. .he walls stretch u#wards about three stories, and the room is s@uare+sha#ed and filled with the robot elites, their leader in the center. .he robots you $ust fou%ht were merely mindless slaves, with no intelli%ence or thou%ht. (ut these %uys were the real deal. .o%ether, they have stolen billions of dollars and killed millions of innocents with their unsto##able army. "f you take out these %uys, the rei%n of terror is over. '/elcome-* the robot leader shouts. He4s standin% in the center of the room, on to# of a lar%e machine. '"t seems like you4ve already taken out my small army. )ity. " s#ent fore"er buildin% them.* '"4m %oin% to s#end a lon%er time fra%mentin% your butt this side of the milky way-* shouts Akane. 'My antivirus is detectin% a hu%e idiot threat in this sector-* Ro%er shouts. ':osh darn it, %uys- "4m su##osed to be the one+liner %uy-* you shout. .he robot leader starts dronin% off on some borin% bad+%uy monolo%ue about how his bi%, bad machine he built is the best thin% ever. You tune him out. 'Chuck, your %loves are overheated- You won4t be able to use them for at least a half hour-* Ro%er whis#ers.

9E Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Farn. :ot any other ideas0* '" can take them out myself-* says Akane. '.rust me-* '" can re#ro%ram the robots to fi%ht each other, but thin%s may %et out of control,* says Ro%er. You think for a bit, then answer. ',kay. "4ve made my decision.* f you choose to let &kane fight them, turn to page !7 f you choose to let Roger reprogram the ro'ots, turn to page 7)

9G Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You nod at ro%er, and a loadin% bar a##ears on his screen. '&nd >0R/?1R9OR1, once put in these hostages, the 1./ R1 3OR2D %ill 'e at my mercy! ?& ?& ?&! @ou don4t stand a C?&.C1! ,lah 'lah 'lah ?1@! &re you e"en listening:! Okay. =ood. ',kay, it4s done,* whis#ers ro%er. ,ne of the robots dro#s his hammer on the other robot4s foot. .he other robot, yel#in% in #ain, shoves the other robot and he falls over. Another robot #unches the shovin% robot in the head, and another #unches him. ?ventually the robots break into an all+out brawl, the robot leader com#letely unaware of what4s %oin% on. You and Akane sneak behind the fi%ht and the lar%e doomsday machine and untie the hosta%es. You motion them to follow you. '&nd that4s %hy 4m going to 'lo% this machine up right no%! 'Iinally he says it-* Akane moans. .he robot leader #resses a button and a countdown se@uence be%ins. A loud countdown timer #lays in the back%round. '/e4ve %ot to make a run for it-* Ro%er cries. '.hat machine can blow u# at any moment- /e need to %et three blocks away from here or it4s all over-* '"t4s too far-* Akane shouts. '"f we can make it to where we tele#orted, we can %et all these hosta%es to safetyf you choose to run for it, turn to page !A

=> Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds f you choose to run to the teleporter, turn to page !5

=1 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 1et4s make a run for it- " don4t want to leave thin%s to chance-* you shout. You and the hosta%es run out of the back door and start runnin%. .he robot leader starts lau%hin% maniacally as the countdown se@uence reaches t+minus ten seconds. He4ll #robably %et blown u#. '/e4ve to to run faster-* Akane screams. .he hosta%es are underfed and malnourished. 5ome of them la% behind, but you4ve %ot no time to check. .here4s five more seconds. Cust one more block to %oBLAMMO! .he buildin% e3#lodes almost instantly. 'Iinally, an e3#losion that doesn4t last for over a minute-* Akane lau%hs. You fall on the %round, e3hausted. 'Are we all here0* you ask. 'Bo. 5ome of the hosta%es didn4t make it.* says Akane. 5he4s not tired at all, althou%h she looks somewhat disa##ointed, You should #robably %et back in sha#e once this is done. You #ick yourself u#. .he hosta%es stare at the crater where five of their now+deceased friends once were. You try to console them, but it4s no use. 'Hey+ at least we saved some of you, ri%ht0*

.H? ?BF

=2 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds '.here4s no time to lose- 1et4s run to the tele#orter-* You burst throu%h the back door and find yourselves on the other side of the dum#ster where you started. '.hat was convenient* says Ro%er. You #ick u# your #hone and call ,scar. 'Hey ,scar0 /e4re done here. .ele#ort us and fifteen hosta%es to (ur%er )i%.* 'Okay. Snort. You feel a bri%ht li%ht tearin% you a#art, seconds before the buildin% e3#lodes. H H H

You, Ro%er, Akane, and ,scar lau%h wildly over a round of Root (eers. You continue your story. 'And then the %uy $ust starts ya##in% about how %reat his machine was, and the whole time all these other robots are fi%htin% each other and the %uy $ust stands there. Bobody had a clue what was %oin% on-* You, your friends, and the hosta%es have been #artyin% at (ur%er )i% for two hours strai%ht. You and Akane have now decided to be #ermanent fi%htin% #artners, alon% with Ro%er. '5o, how about a kiss0* Akane lau%hs. '"sn4t how these action stories usually end0* 'Yeah.* you re#ly. You %rab Akane and %ive her a bi% smooch. Ro%er and oscar roll their eyes.

=9 Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds ',w-* Akane shouts. 'You need to shave- Your stubble stabbed me-* 'Yeah. /e4ll work on that.* You all lau%h. '/hat about me0* the robot leader asks, wearin% an a#ron and servin% you another round of root beers. 'You4re our slave.* says ,scar. 'Bot much you can do about that. Oink.* says ,scar. .he entire restraunt lau%hs. And the ni%ht went on, everybody was ha##y, and you all lived ha##ily ever after. .H? ?BF.

== Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds 'Alri%ht, Akane. :o %et 4em.* Akane nods with a scary smile as she runs off to fi%ht the robots. 5he screams thin%s in $a#anese, slashin% off arms and limbs as the robots attack her. .he robot leader $um#s around and shouts, #unchin% the air like he4s in a bo3in% match. ':o- :o- 5he4s on your ri%ht- )ow #ow #ow-* /hen all of the robots are down, Akane si%hs and starts walkin% away. Cust then, you see it. Your blood runs cold. A<AB?-- B,---* you scream. (ut it4s no use. /ith it4s last breath, one of the robots #icks u# its %un and fires. Akane is shot in the back and screams. You run over to her and catch her as she falls to the floor. .he Robot 1eader cackles with %lee. 'HA- .hat4s classic- Hero boy looses his %irlfriend- ,h, this is 5, %oin% in this year4s Christmas card-* Akane %runts in a%ony as she #ulls you close. '5ave the hosta%es, Chuck- Ior%et me- .ake my sword and fi%ht them-* 'Bo- " can4t- "... " love you-* You don4t know how such a stron% feelin% came to you this @uickly, but you have never felt more sure in your entire life. 5o what will it be0 f you choose to a'andon &kane and fight off the Ro'ot 2eader and sa"e the hostages, turn to page !! f you refuse to lea"e &kane4s side, turn to page !6

= Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds A tear runs down your cheek. '=od damn you, you stupid ro'ot! You scream. You take Akane4s sword and slice the robot leader in half. He screams in a%ony and e3#lodes, chunks of ceilin% fallin% everywhere. '.he buildin% is fallin% a#art-* screams Ro%er. You %ather u# the hosta%es and #ush them out of the door. Fes#erate, you turn around and look for akane, but before you can save her she is crushed by a chunk of ceilin%. You scream. '>orget her, man! =et yourself out of here! Don4t let her sacrifice 'e in "ain! Ro%er screams. ':oodbye, Akane-* You shout. You run out of the double doors and the buildin% falls a#art. You never see her a%ain. 5omeday you will heal and %et over it, but you will always have her sword to remember her by. You will be stron%. You will be tou%h. You will kick butt. You are Chuck Awesome. And you are an Action Hero. .H? ?BF

=! Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds You stare at Akane, and then at your %loves. '/hat are you standin% there for, Chuck0 :o- 1eave me-* You have never felt so #owerful. You e3#ect some kind of #ain or weakness from your emotions, but instead of makin% you weaker, they a sur%e of fire throu%h your veins. .o your sur#rise, the %loves transform'/hat you are witnessin% is the #ower of love itself,* says Ro%er. '/hen the wearer of the %loves e3#eriences a #owerful chan%e in #ersonality, the %loves unlock their full #ower.* Akane stares at you. You %rab her and kiss her, #ullin% the bullet out of her back and healin% her. 'Rest.* You stare at the Robot 1eader. He4s cowerin%. He4s #athetic. He4s evil. He surrounds himself with #owerful armies and hu%e #ools of money. He builds robots like him to kee# him com#any. (ut the one thin% he will never e3#erience is inside you, ri%ht now, as of this moment. 1ove. .he Robot leader #resses a button, and a #ortal o#ens on to# of the machine. 'You4ll never %et me now, Awesome-* the leader cackles. .housands of robots start flyin% out. 'You think that4s %oin% to sto# me0 More robots0* you lau%h. 'Yeah.* says the leader. '.here4s about a trillion robots on the other side.* You crack your knuckles and smile. '.his is %oin% to be fun.*

=D Chuck Awesome, Action Hero by Matt Reynolds Meanwhile, an e3#loration droid is floatin% about ten li%htyears from the milky way. His life is borin%, but we won4t talk about that. All of a sudden he sees a bri%ht li%ht twinkle, flyin% out of the %ala3y, followed by an e3#losion the si;e of Cu#iter. Irom his analysis, it a##ears to be some sort of robot. .hen, millions of tiny stars fly everywhere at the s#eed of li%ht, with such violence and ferocity it makes his head s#in. And $ust when he thinks it4s over, a hu%e li%ht blasts out of the milky way, va#ori;in% everythin% in it4s #ath. You dust off your shoulders and crack your neck. 5team rises off of you as you %low hot #ink. You #ick u# Akane and the hosta%es and walk out, satisfied. You sna# your fin%ers and find yourself outside of (ur%er )i%, everybody fast aslee#. Move over, Borris. .here4s a new Chuck in town. And his name is... CH8C< A/?5,M?. .H? ?BF.