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When Someone You Love Doesnt Love You

When Someone You Love Doesnt Love You

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Published by: quoctram120 on Aug 27, 2009
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05/20/2012

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When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You 
December 29, 2007 by
Susan J. Elliott
 
Posted by Tracie T. Nguyen 
It’s hard but it happens. 
And it hurts.
 You love someone who may have loved you once upon a time.OrYou love someone who acted like there was a possibility of love inreturn, but now there’s not.OrYou love someone who simply doesn’t feel the same way and isn’tgoing to feel the same way.
Ever.
 OrYou loved someone deeply who loved you deeply and then this person just switched off and hurt you in ways that were unimaginable at theheight of your mutual love.OrThis person loved you and you loved them and then someone newcame along and they left. Friends tell you that you are better than thisnew person in every way. But your ex is still with Mr. or Ms. NewThing.Whatever the situation, you’re left with a big pile of hurt. Andit
really
hurts.You go over your exchanges over and over in your mind. Where did itgo wrong or fail to go right?
 
What should you have done that youdidn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have?
 
You feel rejected and less than. You feel as if there issomething really wrong with you
. You wonder what you could doto
MAKE
this person want you.
It’s frustrating if they are with a new person who doesn’t comeclose to being what you are.
You seethe because this new person isa snake in the grass and your ex doesn’t see it. This new person isimmature or unavailable or spoiled or just plain stupid. And your ex isenthralled none the less.
What? 
 
Or there is no one else and nothing else. This person just fell out of love one day. Or failed to fall in love on the day you did. That’s evenmore baffling. Wait. You’re choosing
NOTHING 
over me? 
What? 
 Or your ex has spiraled into some other mindset. They’re depressed orupset or self-absorbed in some way.
Wouldn’t you want someone tohelp carry the burden
, you ask.The answer is
 please leave me alone
.You’re freaking out. How is it that they want you to help by goingaway?
WHAT?
 The first emotion is disbelief.
How can this be? How did I gethere?
How am I hurting over this person? Maybe your personality isdraining away…you used to be fun and helpful and have a great senseof humor. Now you’re plain and dull and you’re boring all your friendswith your sad refrain of unrequited love. Part of you refuses to believe it. It
CAN’T
be so. Something willchange. This is a phase. This is temporary.
I’ll just sit here and waitfor my love to smarten up and see the light. That is what I willdo.
 Better yet, I will
change
things. I will call him or her or text him orher. We will get into a big emotional conversation and I will persuadethem that this is all
wrong.
 In the beginning it’s hardest to
NOT
do anything. You’re havingtrouble absorbing the news and the reality and before you feel thefeelings of that reality you’re going to do your damndest to make itdifferent or refuse to believe it.
 
Take your time but believe it.
Let it slowly sink in and try to do thehardest thing there is to do:Nothing.Doing nothing in asituation like this takes energy. It takes a lot of energy.
You willthink you spend all your time
NOT
doing something. And that’sbecause you are.Next come the feelings. You feel hurt, anger, betrayal. You feelrejected and less than.Your self-esteem is taking a hit from thefeeling of rejection. You might feel like a loser and begin to wonder how you can turnyourself into the person that this person will love. Your mind may race with ideas.I’ll be quieter, thinner, happier. Iwon’t complain so much.I won’t rock the boat. I’ll like the insufferablefamily and friends that I couldn’t stand. I’ll go back to school. I’ll stopgoing to school. I’ll wear different clothes. I’ll buy a new car. I’ll getthose allergy shots so I can be around that cat. I’ll work in a differentindustry. I’ll muzzle my kids. I’ll clean more. I’ll clean less.I’ll cookgourmet meals. I’ll listen when spoken to. I’ll go to bed earlier. I’ll goto bed later. I’ll go to church. I’ll stop going to church. I’ll pray. I’llbargain with God. I’ll help the poor. I’ll devote myself to theeradication of world hunger. I’ll give my next paycheck to the church.I’ll join the Peace Corps. I’ll do anything,
ANYTHING
, if only You makethis person come back. I’ll be everything You want me to be oreverything this person wants me to be. I’ll do it all. I’ll do nothing. I’llbe more. I’ll be less. I’ll be everything and anything other than whatI’m being right now. I’ll turn myself inside out to be the person he orshe will love. I can do it. I will do it. 
STOP.
 
Stop right there.
 
Forget about changing for someone else.Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribingwhatever deity you believe in.
Forget about changing your whole

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