A Collection

Of Poetry

By
Peter E. Allen
 Dedicated to

Those that are stubborn,

those that are true,
and those that sit in the silence,
embracing what they hear from within.

Thank you.
 1.

Once upon a time,

In a land now far away,
I gave the gift of music
To the children of the fae.

I was repaid for that gift

A thousand times its size
By their joyous smiles
And the laughter in their eyes.
~
 2.

Listen to me preaching;
Listen to me pray.
Hear all the hopes and dreams
I carry through the day.

Listen to the anger,

Listen to the pain.
For one alone is thunder,
And the other is the rain.

The melodies they play along

Are mine alone to hear,
But a companion who will listen
Helps me cope against the fear.

My tears have all been scattered,

My heart is worn and bruised
From the darkened pathway
My life has often cruised.

Yet before I set off once again

Among the twists and bends,
Let me sit for one last time
And gather with my friends.

And listen to their hopes and dreams,

And listen to their prayers,
And create the melodies on our own
Of the group that loves and cares.
~
 3.

Can you hear me crying,

Caretaker of the hearts,
Or is the gift of empathy
The forgotten of the arts?

Do you sit and wonder

What goes on in my mind,
Or do you sit in silence,
Afraid of what you find?

Your shallow breathing,

Your shaking hands –
Are you one
Who understands?

Is my art and mine alone

As horrid as you think?
Are you still puzzling
What precipice I brink?

I know I can’t deceive you,

Oh herald of the mind,
But think of this before you act:
You can never hide.
~
 4.

Time to move on, time to stay here;

Time to cry, time to cheer;
Time for bravery, time for fear.

Time to love, time to hate;

Time to nurture, time to berate;
Time to close or open that gate.

Time for battle, time for peace;

Time for wool or the golden fleece;
Time to aide or kick out their knees.

Time to live, time to die;

Time for truth, time for lies;
Time or not to use one’s eyes.

Time to starve, time to feed;

Time to kill, time to breed;
Time to want, time to need.

Time for friends, time for foes;

Time to play the game one knows –
The one in which anything goes.

Time.
~
 5.

I have nothing here;

My ties are broke.
All your strings
Shall no longer choke.

Your laws on me
Shall never bind.
Your guilty traps
I leave behind.

Do not follow me,

Where e’er I go.
The paths I cross
Aren’t yours to know.

I am no longer
In your grasp,
Or chained in place
With silver clasp.

I am not yours,
Do you hear?
My ties are broke –
I have nothing here.
~
 6.

Alone in bed yet once again,

The stars above my only friends.
Sweet memories now fading fast
Of times once pure, of lovers past.

Of six-monther’s, and one-nighter’s;

Some seemed boring, some delighters.
Some had drained me, some had nourished,
And yet with one had I flourished.

But I played fool – I did not see

What her presence had meant to me.
One day I woke to find her gone,
As with the night before the dawn.

At first I laughed, and then I cried.

But now my tears have all been dried.
Sometimes a glimpse is all I get –
Those eyes of brown, that hair brunette.

Yet that’s as close as I will come,

This bachelor who wants but one.
~
 7.

My heart is pumping,
My heart is rage
Inside this chest,
It’s own small cage.

I am not thinking –
I cannot now.
My hands are shaking,
My sweat-damp brow.

… And now in writing,

It is no more.
The task of rhythm
Has closed the door.

But now I’m fearing:

Have I done right
To suppress this storm
Another night?

The tears now running

On cheeks from eyes,
Is this pathway
The one ‘tis wise?

I need the outlet

I’ve never had.
Or the cage’d beast
Will suddenly go mad.
~
 8.

There are some things males cannot supress:

His love of cars, his hate to dress.

I wish not damage this, my abode,

But can I handle this heavy load?

Can I keep this anger down?

Will emotions come full ‘round?

Or must I destroy in order for quiet?

I do not know, I haven’t yet tried it...

And for my sake alone, I hope I never have to.

~
 9.

Who are you, you little fools?

Do you think you’ll have my jewels?

My diamond crown, my golden rings,

From treasures past, adored by kings?

My sources shall remain unknown,

So leave this place – and me – alone.

Do you wish to contemplate

To be like me, so worldly great,

Or see me down there in the street,

Empty stomach, bare-clad feet?

Neither could be more untrue –

Dreamers all and curs are you.

You should worship on your knees,

Heirs of only mites and fleas.

I do not wish to hear your cries,

Or the droning of your flies.

Hurry off and take great haste,

Before my guards shall make waste

Of those whom you would call people.

I am off to tend the steeple.
~
 10.

The nights are cold, the days are bleak.

I greet day with strength, to leave it quite weak.

You are gone now; I am alone.

The blame I feel is all my own.

I did not cherish your gentle heart,

Or the sweet touch that is your art.

I did not hear your spoken cares.

I was not, then, a man who shares.

But now I know what I have lost,

As autumn leaves first feel the frost.

And sharp the pain, and bitter cold,

That this, my love, was left untold.

And even though it is too late,

I wish to set the record straight.

I had loved you, the time back then.

I still love you, more than a friend.

You were too kind; I was crude.

You were polite; I was rude.
…
 You called me gentle; I called you bitch.
You helped raise me high; I dug you a ditch.

Had you climbed out, I’d push you back in.

I made you lose, you wished me to win.

I know that I can’t make you stay,

But please now hear what I shall say.

I was quite wrong. You were quite right.

Apologize, if that I might.

I’m not the one that deserves you;

I’m only one that observes you

From my places too far away

To cause you harm or dismay.

Your life and mine have now parted,

Another day has just started.

I wish you all the best I can,

And pray you find a better man.

Good luck, and, good-bye.

~
 11.

Faded pictures trapped in glass,

Faded memories from the past.
A flicker, a spark, is all we were –
Of that you and I were sure.

But this is now and that was then.

That flame I felt has grown again.
I do not know why it has shown;
The end, I thought, was set in stone.

If we had not been here so,

Would the feeling come then go?
Would my mind be so laden
With thoughts of you as my maiden?

What circumstance has brought us here,

And made you, once again, so dear?
Maybe I should just not ask,
And leave alone that heavy task.

If these feelings are so true,

Are they also that with you?
Am I all alone in thought,
The two of us just come to naught?

I wish not harm, nor bring strife,

To your joyousness of life.
But this question I must say,
The emotions cannot keep at bay.

Do you love me, do you not,

Or am I one small teeny spot?
Am I only from the past,
Trapped in memories, trapped in glass?
~
 12.

She’s stolen my heart,

She’s always on my mind.

When I see her, my thoughts

Are the last things I find.
~
 13.

Millions of faces,
Each not the same.
Maybe in style,
Maybe in name,

Maybe in tone,
Maybe in race,
But each is its own
Quite unique case.

The eyes of an artist,

The mouth of a writer,
The cheekbone and nose
Of a great fighter.

The look as an enemy,

The smile of a friend –
Each not the same
In the message they send.

And yet please remember

To never assume
The feelings behind
A look to be true.

For with all of the faces

In all of life’s places,
There is nothing more hidden
Than evil unbidden.
~
 14.

Listen now to what I say:

You shall never bar my way.

You shall never hold me down.

You shall never make me frown.

You can never stop my choice,

You can never still my voice.

I am free, will always be.

I am the force that governs me.

Not you, nor he, nor it, nor she.

Never you – only me.
~
 15.

Tell me of the sacrifice;

Tell me of the pain.
Tell me of the guilty thoughts:
Make me go insane.

Hear my cries of anguish;

Hear my cries of fear.
Hear my cries of fury:
Make my death draw near.

Take away my freedom.

Take away my life.
Take away my joyousness,
Replace it all with strife.

Mark me as an evil.
Mark me less than man.
Mark me as a killer.
Destroy as best you can.

I shall not go savage,

I shall not go wild.
I shall not go quibbering
Like a helpless child.

Make sure my cage is secure;

Make sure the lock is tight.
Make sure the bonds on me are strong,
Or else I will take flight.
…
 For then you will know fury,
For then you will know fear.
For then you will know hopelessness;
You shall no longer cheer.

Revenge will then be easy;

Revenge will then be sweet.
Revenge from me so horrid a thing
That ever you will meet.

Go cower in a corner,
Go cower there in shame.
Go cower there in terror –
I’ll make you fear my name.

Hope that I will wither,

Hope that I will stay.
Hope that I will die here,
For I swear what I do say.

Trapped in horror you will be,

Trapped throughout the land.
Trapped by dreams and whispers ...
Will I raise my hand?
~
 16.

You sit there looking at me,

Expecting me to say something.
We both know what that is.
We both know how hard it is for me.

All my life, I have hidden.

No one, it seems, has cared.
And then I met you and realized
That I had something to care about.

Through my feelings for you,

I found that someone had feelings for me.
Words cannot express the gratitude.
I can hold you, I can kiss you.
My whole spirit screams for you.
And yet... yet I cannot open fully.

To say those words, that commitment,

To another person, another entity…
It is so hard for me.

I have looked my entire life for you,

All without knowing.
I have felt the hole in my being.
Now only I am in the way
Of letting it be filled.

Your acceptance of me… so freely given.

Can I allow myself to acknowledge it?
Silly I am, for I must.
But now, holding your hands in mine,
It is so hard.
…
 And ... and you understand.

My tears have only begun to flow.

There are so many walls to me,
And you are asking to be let in.
I do not know if I will scare you away.
The very thought of you gone
Stops me from doing so.
Yet I can tell that you wouldn’t.

Am I a strong enough person to do the same?

Can I accept you fully, completely?
Can I accept myself?

I know, as I look into your eyes,

That I need you.
And I know that, unlike anything else,
I want you.

I want to hold you and make you mine,

And let you make me yours.
I will give myself to you.
I will be there whenever you need me,
Whenever you need anything.

And by my word, my heart, my soul,

I will never, ever leave you.
I can’t.
I…

I love you.
~
 17.

I hesitate to tell you

That I love you.
I hesitate to reveal
That weakness that is also strength.

I hesitate to show you

How much you can hurt me.
I hesitate to think of
How much you can heal me.

I hesitate to close the door

On a world of friendship.
I hesitate to open the one
To a world of lovers.

I hesitate to believe
That you love me.
I hesitate to jump
That leap of faith.

I hesitate to sit with you

And know things are different.
I hesitate to be with you
The way things are today.

I hesitate to choose the path

That I must live by,
The path that my heart
Has cleared for me.

I hesitate no longer.

I do.
~
 18.

I cannot stop this feeling inside.

It grows on me like vine to a branch.

And as the vine,

My love for you enwraps me,
Engulfs me in its warmth.

I do not fear being choked out,

For your love is like a breath
Of fresh air from across a flowered meadow
On a summer’s morn after years of being allowed
Only dust and mildew,

And your touch is the sweet carress

Of the purest down feathers which, when worn,
Protect me from the raindrops of
Loneliness and despair.

Would that I were able

To show you how much
These simple things mean to me,
How much I treasure them,
Survive on them,

How I wish to nurture them,

And let them take hold of me,
Like the vine to the branch.
~
 19.

All this time, I stayed quiet.

I did not show her my thoughts,
Nor reveal to her my feelings.

I did it out of fear, and out of respect.

I did it out of not knowing how.
I did it because of all of these,
And I did it because of none.

Every day was she in my life,

Every moment was she in my mind,
And yet I did not reach out,
For someone else did.

Someone else had the courage;

Someone else knew how to reach out.
Someone else holds her tonight,
As I hold this pen and paper.

Someone else comforts her tonight.

Someone else makes her laugh.
Someone else laughs with her.
And she is happy.

So I will remain, again, quiet,

So that she may remain that way.
~
 20.

Why do I have to have feelings?

Can someone take them out for me

So that I may be boring once again,
Safe once again?

Why do I need happiness,

Why do I need love,
When the species can live on without?

Why must I feel attraction,

When it always comes to naught?

Who plays the role of Fate

With my heart and soul,
And is intent upon breaking them?

Why do they play that game?

Why do they play so hard?

…Why choose me?

~
 21.

If you hurt her,

I will kill you.
Of that, be sure.

I do not make idle threats

To pass my time.

I will not listen to your pleas.

I will not heed your advice.
You will die;
It is as simple as that.

A mark on her skin or soul,

And a matching hole
Will appear on your hide.

So be careful, and treat her well.

I am watching.
~
 22.

What is it you do tonight?

Do you watch the stars?
Dinner there by candle-light?
Gaze at the passing cars?

Are you snuggled up close

To the one you love?
Are you there on your own,
A lonely turtle dove?

Do you have a favorite book

That you read in bed?
Do you have nice pleasantries
Dreaming through your head?

Do you smile in your sleep

At the sights you see?
Does your vision gaze upon
Scenes to never be?

Do you wake up in the morn,

Wishing it be true?
Dear being from the promised land,
My dreaming is of you.
~
 23.

To dance upon the moonlight,

To dance there in your arms,
To move my body with you
Is to know there is no harm.

To look upon your beauty,

To look there on your form,
To gaze my eyes upon you,
The exception to the norm.

To live upon your loving,

To live there in your care,
To be alone there with you,
A soul so kind, so fair.

To kiss your skin so gentle,

To kiss your cheek a dream,
To press my lips upon yours,
So rich, so full, so free.

To listen to your talking,

To listen to your words,
To hear what is your beauty,
As a feather from a bird.

To thank the gods in heaven,

To thank all those above.
To express all of my gratitude
For the one I love.
~
 24.

Her beauty is that unmatched,

Her loveliness unsurpassed.

As I see her through the day,

My joy is all that will stay.

Her heart is one untame –

I think she knows my name.
~
 25.

Caring, gentle, these are true.

Grace and humor, all in you.

The color of your hair,

The goodness in your eyes –
Only other women would be able to despise.

The beauty which you hold,

Your heart is never cold.

To see you is a dream,

Or so, to me, would it seem.
~
 26.

They taught me to be a critic,

To judge what I see based on reality.

Before, I was entertained and amused

By the simplest of things.

My god, I’ll never be the same.

~
 27.

To you my heart stays,

Weak against your ways.

Of the way you walk,

How you talk–
Even on the bad days.

A casual glance reassures the romance,

Always making my heart dance.

Tender loving care, I never do despair

So long as I know that you will be there.
~
 28.

My chances are doubtful,

My chances are slim.
I want to know her better;
I can't when she's with him.

He always is near, and so do I fear

That my luck has run out.
Beauty she has, as wonderful as
What a spring day is all about.

Maybe I'll have my day,

When he goes his own way…
And yet I wait to see –
She still may like me.
~
 29.

Wish upon a wishing star,

Hope to hope it takes you far
To its tiny little light –
Here so small, there so bright –
And show to you the key of life,
Full of joy, void of strife,
Where the wild patterns grow
So strange to see, but yet you know
Of the dance they dance at night
At the star’s little light.
~
 30.

Tonight I dream, today I wake

To dried-up oceans, to lands which quake.

What happened whilst I slept away?

Did the darkness battle day?

Did the earth decide to fight

Against itself this fateful night?

Where are my friends, where are my foes?

Is there any sign of life which shows?

With teary eyes I see the cadavers

Of a woman and the lad of hers,

Of the man and wife I knew –

Of them all, not just a few.

Lovers, haters, cold as stone…

Must they leave me all alone?

Must they leave me to my dreaming

Which faster, further, now is seeming

A nightmare in the making

Of dried-up oceans and lands of quaking?
~
 31.

Time keeps on ticking my life away,

At first just a minute, and then just a day.

Yester-year I was a newborn, today I am a man,

Tomorrow will find me buried, a grain amongst the sand.

But my legend will live on – I shall make it so:

Stories passed on by elders so that the children know.

And their children down the line, and on into the fray
Will hear the conquests of my life before time has had its way.
~
 32.

Why in life must one suffer?

Why can there not be a buffer
Against that which is pain
Or which causes us disdain?

What happened to the shield

Which made the evils yield
From crossing that great border
Between that of life and disorder?

Did it crackle under some great pressure –

Some thing too evil to even measure –
Or was it opened by one inside
Whose own evils were to decide

To pain the rest of us in our life

With disdain, misery, and strife?
Gather friends, gather here.
Do not let the evils near.

Join our love, our friendship true,

And watch the evils meet their due
Of destruction, death, and blight,
From both the dark and the light.
~
 33.

I sit at a fork in a road or a path,

Not knowing which way will bring me life’s wrath.

Shall I stay forever, to stare into space,

Or choose and walk at a leisurely pace?

To stay where I am would surely mean doom,

Yet on which road does evil loom?

Right or left or a path of my own,

A choice I must make, myself, alone.
~
 34.

I enter a lavish hall,

The music loud and ceaseless,
The dancing forever and beyond.

He sees me from across the floor;

Furtive glances show that I cannot escape.
We meet. We dance.

He throws me away, furious.

I have won.

Laughing, I escape to a corner

To await our next round –
For the dance never stops,
And I am always found.
~
 35.

I weep.

I weep alone at night so no one hears

My quiet sobs and silent tears,

That no one sees my eyes of red

As I lay upon my bed, pillow gently over head,

My ears now burning from the blood

That rushes to them in a flood,

That makes me wish I was undone.

~
 36.

Yesterday I met you,

Today I say goodbye.
I feel like I could whither;
I feel that I could die.

The moments that we shared –

So closely held and dear.
The time which was our parting,
The agony was clear.

I hugged you to my heart,

So tight was our embrace.
I pressed my lips upon yours –
So lovely was your face.

My finger trailed down to your chin,

Its softness on my skin.
You looked into my eyes and smiled –
Our feelings were akin.
~
 37.

Do you hear that rumble in the distance?

He has lost her, and weeps anew.
For eons he has wept so.

Their love was a sight to behold.

Their passion could be heard on a hot’s summer night.
Now all that can be heard is his loss.

I tell to you what I tell to others:

Do not scold his tears, the rain,
Nor the thunder of his cries.

Let him weep in peace –

It is all that he has left.
~
 38.

Early in this time of war,

I see her face upon the shore.
Her blood is cold, her eyes are still;
It gives my heart an aching chill.

How could I lose her, so fast, so quick?

Whose sword has made her blood grow thick?
Where is the man who killed my love?
May he feel my fury from above.

Let him feel the pain which he has made –

May no one harm nor give him aid.
He surrendered life with his action.
Do not defend him – any faction.

Arm to arm, shield to shield,

We will meet on this field.
He will die as I have sworn,
His eyes shan’t see another morn.

So be it known from man to man,

To avenge my love, her face in sand.
~
 39.

I see your face across the field, and you see mine;
We have marked each other.

How strong are your arms as they swing your blade?

Can you withstand my fury?

Our lines rush towards one another, our cries hungry for blood;
Your eyes and mine never disengage.

My scream echos yours as our first swings crash together.

Our own private war has begun.
~
 40.

Way down yonder, in the valley of the fairest rose,

My Lalise flew in great haste: her newer home was chose.

Her feathers were the yellow gold of the leaves in fall,

Her eyes the keenest of all greens I ever could befall.

I do not mourn her leaving, as I know she will return.

Our love was great in its time, and forever shall it burn.

We are the same, she and I, and until that fateful mourn,
I wait for her in my nest, ‘til the pheonix is reborn.
~
 41.

Back to back, we face the enemy;

They surround us on all sides.
Our hands are covered with their blood
As we cut into their hides.

The face with which has filled my days

With happiness and love
I know I’ll never see again,
Until we meet above.

Here we meet our ending, dear,

Though bitter-sweet it be.
Now we force them to pay the price
Our deaths shall surely be.

For front to front I loved you,

In those days now gone.
Now back to back we become,
Objects of a battle song.

Let them sing of courage,

And let them sing of love,
All I know is that if I fall,
I’ll wait for you above.
~
 42.

As daylight turns to twilight, and twilight turns to eve,

All the children of the world begin their make-believe:

Of shining ponies in the mist of a summer’s morn,

Of dandelions, of roses – the ones without the thorn.

Of friends the like they’ll never see, of friends to see again,

Of courtly faeries in their gowns, and knightly gentlemen.

For now, my precious daughters, the night is growing old,

And the time has come for you to see what your dreamings will
behold.

With tenderness, I tuck you in and then put out the light,
And kiss you gently on the cheek to wish you a good night.

Goodnight my loves. Sleep well.

~
 43.

See her standing in the rain, her garments all of white,

Her eyes the steeliness of swords, her hair the blackest night.
She waits for them all to appear and throw them from on high
Into the restless sea below which waits for blood to fly.

They killed her husband out of spite, but little did they know
That his wife was Goddess North, her fury icy cold.
The first man now reveals himself above the hilly ground
To be blasted where he stands, never to be found.

The smell of blood is in her veins, and warrior is she…

The morning finds the cliff all bare, below a bloody sea.
~
 44.

With these words I choose to live,

To fight with Life side by side,
Comrades against the tide of death
Which surrounds me in my days,
Flavoring my foods with a strange spice
And filling my lungs with a dark air.

I shall not hide and cower in fear,

To allow the war to be decided for me
As my knees collapse under me,
And I veritably offer myself to death’s arms,
So still and warm that rest may be
After struggling for so long as I have done.

Sister Love and Brother Joy

Have given unto me the weapons to use
Against their foes, both Hate and Despair,
With the prayer that all is not lost
In this world which now turns
As a sea of misery and grief.

Yet even as their army

Washes upon the shores of our land,
Willing to erode our base to nothing,
So have I begun to gather new hope
That these words here shall be seen by others,
So that they may choose the same as I
And pick up their own weapons against the darkness.

To join me, side by side,

And live.
~
 45.

I am afraid.

Do I stay silent,
To never utter the words which my
Heart is aching for you to hear?

Or do I speak out,
And let you know of all of the feelings
I that have towards you?

Do I risk losing you,

By never saying how much you truly mean to me?

Do I risk scaring you,

And never be as close again as the two of us are now?

I do not know what to do,

And yet I cannot do nothing,
For doing so would assuredly lose you forever,

And that is what I fear the most of all.

~
 46.

Out of darkness, out of light,

Out of shadows and starlight.

From wherever you may be,

I cherish times you spend with me.

The touch of your hand upon one of mine

Makes my soul glimmer and shine.

The threat of you far, not to be seen,

Saddnes my heart, shatters my dreams.

I need you here, not below nor above;

You are my earth, my heaven, my love.
~
 47.

You sit on high, with your cloak upon your shoulders,

Your crown at your side on a pedestal all of its own,
And tell me that I am not allowed
To continue my life’s work as I have done for decades past,
Yet demand of me to give to you the same quality
That you have experienced ever since we met,
When you were the subject to my domain of knowledge.

I tell you now that for all that I am worth,

For every drop of blood which courses through these veins,
That I will never serve to you again.

How do you dare to believe that you are able

To tell a man who knows more about his field of work
Than you have ever known in study or hobby
That what he is doing is totally unacceptable –
When you have accepted far less in the past –
And yet furthermore that to do so again
Would have me jailed as a traitor to both kingdom and trade?

Where will the great pieces of art which you have treasured
For so long and so desparately come forth from,
When you do nothing but create a land
Which is void of freedom, barren of choice and will?

Never again shall any of my projects entertain these halls,

Nor those of your guests whose opinion you care the most of
As you ask them to give you money, business, and power
Over things which you would never be able to make,
Let alone broker the deal for someone who could.
…
 Be it that it may that I am not able, nor wanton,
To judge you for all of your kingdom to see
So that I may benefit from the wastes of your idiocy.

They will see it themselves some day soon,

And soon you will come to find that as you wish
To govern every aspect of your people’s lives –

And do not refute that to be the case,

For attempting control over a profession such as mine
Is but the first of many like steps –

That you will have no kingdom to govern over,

For they will all leave you to your oppressive ways,
Which kill the soul and attempt to tame
The untameable human spirit inside each of us,
No matter how dark the cloud which masks yours may be.

I demand you to tell me who, then, will clothe you,

To keep you warm at night under the stars
Which peek through the cracks of your mighty walls,
Of which you have not the experience to repair.

Who, then, will be the one to carry the burden

Of feeding you food prepared exactly as you demand,
Killed in a manner which pleases the court,
But which is no manner allowed by those who know the craft?
…
 I give you the answer which you know,
But are deathly afraid to give voice or acknowledgement:
No one will serve you but yourself.

When that time arrives, you will know of the wrong

Which you thrust into your kingdom and your heart
When you demanded me the way you did just now.

And then, only then, shall I return to your presence,

But not as servant – never again as servant –
But as a teacher to learn you from your idiocy
And into the light of the knowledge which you now shun.

Until that time, I can assure you

That you shall remain an idiot, while I remain free,
Free of your grasping claws and murderous ways
As I create my art in other kingdoms
With stronger, wiser rulers who could kill you
And your army with but a bright thought

Compared to the dullness which now resides

Between your two ears, and hangs as heavily
Upon your heart as that crown does upon your head –

Only some day you will wish

That you could remove your stupidity
As easily as you can that golden crown,
If no one has stolen it from you before such a time.

Listen to my voice, and mark my words upon your royal scrolls

So that you may view them in the dark years to come.

You will regret what you have done.

~
 48.

The lady of the ocean,

The lady of the sea,
Has worked her wiles upon me,
Has caused my fears to flee.

Oh lady of the ocean,

A beauty to the sight,
You eyes are but like diamonds,
Which lighten up my night.

Sweet lady of the ocean,

So lovely to behold,
Your hair is like the feather,
So soft it can’t be told.

Dear lady of the ocean,

My lady of the sea,
You give me life, and in return,
I give my love to thee.
~
 49.

Who am I? What am I?
Where did I come from?
Of whom am I a brother;
Of whom am I a son?

On what day was I born

Into this world of ours?
Did my mother know me days,
Or only some scant hours?

How tough was it to give me up,

How easy was their chore?
Did they cry as it was done,
Do they cry still more?

Do they know how difficult

This world without them is,
Or is it just as difficult
To give one of their kin?

So many question do I have,

Yet answeres I have none.
One answer please, before you go…
Of whom am I a son?
~
 50.

We are the devil’s minions,

We are the devil’s seeds,
We are the devil’s music,
Which plays amongst the reeds.

We come to you at night-time,

We come while you’re in bed.
We whisper wild fantasies
Which echo in your head.

We sing to you of envy,

We sing to you of lust.
We sing to you of hatred –
It’s cruelty a must.

We cater to that part of you,

We cater to it well,
For he rewards us handsomely
When we return to hell.

And though you may not listen

To that part with which we speak,
It’s fun to cause you nightmares,
To make the strong be meek.

Today you’ll wish you never thought

Of what you had to say.
At night your consciousness is gone –
At night we have our play.
~
 51.

In the darkest hour of the final day,

You feel her presence as she whispers your name
Across her lips to let you know
That she has called you home to her place in the sky,

So studded with the brilliant eyes

Of those who have joined her before.

Her warm fingers lay themselves upon your shoulder

As, from behind, she compels you to follow her
Into the abyss from which
You shall never be heard from in this world again,

For even as you cry out for help against the agony,
Her dark hair wraps itself around both you and she,
And muffles your soul to the flesh of your body,
Shielding your dying corpse from the pain
Your essence must now endure.

And as you pass into the entrance of that, her domain,

Your disembodied vision is turned towards life,
Hoping that someone will escape her clutches and free you,

And once more turn the sky into the utter darkness
It truly was meant to be.
~
 52.

The loss of love,

The loss of life,
Brings forth my anger,
Brings forth my strife.

Who but you could I want?

Who but you could there be?
I no longer can listen,
I no longer can see.

Your leaving me has caused me pain,

Your leaving me has caused so much
To break my will,
To break my touch

To that world of happiness,

To that world so true.
My loss has been so immense…
My loss has been of you.
~
 53.

You ask me how I could want you,

How I could need you in my life,
While I am looking into your eyes –
Eyes that were once only a dream
Of what could possibly be real.

Truthfully, I can give you no answer,

No message to pluck from the air.

I can tell you that you are beautiful,

I can tell you that you are wise,
That you are all that a man could ever dream of,
But the words are mere shadows
To what is reality.

For hours I could talk of desire to have you,

Of how you complete me in some unknown way,
Filling my life with a brightness and warmth
That I have never felt before.

And yet, and yet I find that the only words

That can ever hope to encompass your meaning to me
Are the words spoken through the ages,
Often misused though they may be.

Out of all of those in this world,

Out of those I have met and have yet to see,
It is you alone that I yearn for,
Your essence that calls me from my place in life
To be by your side for all of eternity.
…
Throughout time I have searched for you,
Knowing that you couldn’t possibly exist
Outside of my own imagination,
Yet here you are.

You ask me why I need you?

You ask me why I desire you so?

My reasons are many in number,

But without the last they are empty:
A ship without its crew,
A bird without its song,
Myself without you.

The hardest to explain,

And yet when I look at you,
The easiest to confirm.

I love you, and always will.

~
 54.

So bittersweet to see you there,

Your lovely eyes, your soft brown hair.
I want to hold you and not let go,
But someone else holds you so.

How I envy his luck,

So petty I be,
To have you for himself,
Instead of for me.

You smile and my heart does break,

I feel it weep, tremble and quake.
On the outside, though, I smile right back –
Perhaps you won’t see the joy that I lack.

As the day wears on, I’m torn in two...

He is not me, but happy are you.
What can I say to end the pain?
What will you lose; what will I gain?

I don’t want you to struggle, I want you to be free,

Even if the man that you love is not to be me.
~
 55.

On a train to nowhere,
From a path behind the sky,
I watch the mountains pass along,
The clouds flurry up high.

Terrain does change unceasingly,

And the people that I meet
Are those who join me in my path
And sit beside my seat.

A few are there for quite some time –

A few for just one stop –
Some of which are passersby,
Some of which are not.

I watch the fading people

As the ground beneath me flies,
On my train to nowhere,
From a path behind the sky,

To write down all my comments,

Of the sights both land and men,
Knowing when the whistle blows,
I shan’t return again.

And though while dreaming I may be

At a place I was before,
When I wake, the scenery
Has changed outside once more

To a sight of shifting lands

In a place frozen in time,
On a train to nowhere,
From a path behind the sky.
~
 56.

Believe me when I tell you

That this wasn’t meant to be.
I was not sent to harm you,
But to set you free.

The chains you wear are tighter

Than they were before,
The weights that double-bind you
Heavier the more.

I can’t explain the feeling

Of the remorse I have inside
To know that when I healed you,
Your soul had almost died,

And since then, from that moment,

I chose to heal no more,
Until you ask me on your own –
Simply knock upon my door.
~
 57.

Watch now as the fields of gold

Begin to turn to frost;
The summer’s warmth that carried them
For the moment now is lost.

To step once more in sunlight

And to hold you in my arms
Will take but time and patience,
As the fields do on the farm.

To reap what you have sown

Takes one patience, love, and care,
And at the season’s turning,
To know the seed is there

From the harvest of the fall

When gold has turned to frost,
To plant it now in fields afresh
To find what once was lost.
~
 58.

Sleeping beauty, sleeping fair,

May nothing now disturb you there.

May your dreams pass pleasantly

From mountains high to oceans deep.

May your waking hour come

With the rising of the sun,

To morning birds and their song,

To gentle laughter all day long,

To restful feelings from the night

When you see the sun’s new light.
~
 59.

Create a dream and watch it grow

From something set to an unknown.

Begin the process as one can,

But let it, then, play its hand.

Let it go all to the end;

It may surprise by twist and bend,

By chance you never thought would be,

By simple luck and mystery,

And even if it comes out wrong

Then what you had planned all along,

At least the ride itself was free

And so then, too, was the mystery

Of what could be and what you know

As you create a dream and watch it grow.
~
 60.

Travel by the stars

Until we reach the shore,
Our lands now far behind us,
Our memories still more.

Our dreams now all begin

Of land come to our sight;
Our journey is soon over,
Perhaps in a fortnight.

We will adopt to ways

That let us thrive again.
For now we wait upon the deck –
May our travels here soon end.
~
 61.

To play the game of wisdom,

To play the game so free,
To leave off all emotion
To me is mystery.

To hide all of my feelings,

To live behind a wall,
To never have to leave the path,
To never hurt at all.

To never feel the anguish

Nor the pain inside,
To live my life so simple,
To never have to hide.

To believe life can mean freedom,

Away from hurt and pain,
To play the role of wisdom,
In this ever-game.
~
 62.

Sing to me a song of hope

And of beauty deep.
Sing to me the luxuries
Of a dreamless sleep.

Leave out all the passion

And leave out all the war;
Don’t show me all the sadness,
Nor what it’s waiting for.

Don’t show me any joy,

For soon it will be gone;
Don’t show me any dignity,
For in the end, it’s wrong.

In the end, there’s sadness

Over what there is and was;
And in the end, there’s madness;
And in the end, there’s love;

And in the end, we sing the song

Of both hope and charm;
And in the end, the memories
Ease away the harm.

But memories are better still

When they never were,
So sing to me a dreamless sleep;
Please let nothing stir.
~
 63.

Watch the wild patterns

Of the written word
Float across the page
Like a feather from a bird.

All the little scratches

And curves now made in ink
Relay the author’s message
To make the reader think

Of that which they knew,

Of that which they did not,
Of new-made phrases on the pad,
The ink with which they’re wrought.

So thus the wild patterns

Give way to written word,
And let the thoughts of mankind
Be as free as is a bird.
~
 64.

Castle be rock;
Longhouse be wood.
Not one better,
Both of them good.

Both for people,

Bult for a need,
To shelter one,
To give cold heed

At the windows
And at the door,
To give a roof,
And some, a floor.

Both be different,
Neither one best,
Each for its own,
Each one a nest.

One out of rock,

The other wood,
Not one better,
Both of them good.
~
 65.

Keeping with the faith

Of generations lost,
From summer’s blazing heat
To winter’s chilly frost,

My mind reaches out to you

Across the many miles
To bring some happiness to heart,
And, perhaps, a few smiles

That what we have and who we are

Is something more than friend,
And what occurs ‘tween the two of us
Lord Time will never end.
~
 66.

Dreaming of an unseen world

Which falls upon us now,
My eyes begin to narrow small
As sweat beads on my brow.

The sights I see not all men can,

But few enough indeed
To give me strength to face the fear
To help me plant the seed

Of the tree of friendship,

In this unseen world,
Which dear reality
Has so often curled.

Upon the branches of the tree

Are the fruits of life and love
Which help me in this waking dream
That falls from up above.
~
 67.

Gather all the centaurs,

And the gryphons too.
Don’t let them alarm at all,
For they’re people just like you.

They do not wish to harm

That which won’t harm first;
They do not wish to fight,
For they do not have the thirst.

They wish for peace,

And then for love,
On earth below,
And heaven above.

They dislike this war

As much as any;
They want their life-years
To be many.

Pray this battle is our last

And that the warlocks die,
For then the centaurs return to grass,
The gryphons to the sky.
~
 68.

The dark man in his suit

Has a passion new.
He wishes for a simpler life,
To be human just like you.

The nightmares that he causes

Are not his to create;
He is but a messenger,
And tired as of late.

He wishes not the knowledge

That causes people to despise
His very caring nature
Or the humor in his eyes.

He wishes to believe
That some will understand:
He cries the same as you and I
When hit by someone’s hand.

His hurt is more than we can know,

For well now does he hide
The whip-marks on his back
And the bruises on his side,
…
For the message-makers that he serves
Are the harshest masters yet,
And simple folk don’t realize
The freedom they have set.

To be free to make the choice

Of whom now hears him sing,
The dark man smiles lovingly,
With friends to help him bring

A life that is more simple

That does not include the pain,
A life that is more gentle,
Like a newly-fallen rain.

For soft is his voice,

And comfort is his way…
The dark man in his suit
Would wish it be this way.
~
 69.

I watch your grace from afar,

Too afraid to disturb your elegance
With the awkward sound of my voice
Or the loud shuffle of my feet
As I walk by you on the street.

For many days have I sat,

Simply watching you with quiet wonder,
Amazed by your presences in life,
But gently pleased that dreams exist
Outside of the realm of one’s mind.

I do believe in fairy tales,

But also know that the real world
Is different than what they say
In stories of long ago and far away,

Where love is just around the corner,

And every advance is met with a smile
And a few kind words of gratitude,
If not a return of such gestures.
…
 Given the waking dream I’m in,
Where all is as somber as can be,
I know of the chances that exist

Were that you and I would meet

And begin a friendship off of the street,

So I simply live my life apart

And admire the beauty that you are,
Minding my own, as you do yours,

For in the scheme of things,

We will know each other
If it truly is meant to be that way.

If not, I have nothing to complain;

To take comfort in that you are
Is all that ever truly needs be done.
~
 70.

Reach across your being,

To that elusive point inside you

That tells you who you are,

Who you were,
And who it is that you wish to be.

Try to see if you listen to it,

If you are true to yourself
In a world of distraction,
Of meanings lost in a daze,
And of actions performed without them.

Learn once again to simply be,

To let that part of you unfold,
To ask the questions it wants you to ask,
And to see the paths that it wishes you to see.

From the highest point in your life

To the lowest trench of your despairs,
It has been there to guide you,
Not to be happy, nor qualified in your ways,
But simply to be who you are.

From across the great divide

Which is created from society,
That elusive point calls out to you.

With a steady focus,

And a will to learn who you truly are,
You can reach across that being,

And spread your wings and fly

To the heights that you truly are meant to behold.
~
 71.

Can you see what I will say?

Do my eyes and hands betray?

Can you tell from my shaking

All the love I am foresaking?

So close to touch,
Almost too much.

My eyes cast low, I do not know

Where to start or how to show.

Is it lust or is it love?
Heaven help me from above!

I raise my gaze up to your face,

And almost gasp as heart does race.

Breathing freezes –
Oh sweet Jesus!

Trembling now, I begin to tell,

All rehearsal gone straight to hell.
~
 72.

Teach the sparrow not to sing,

But, instead, how to grow.

Teach the woodlark not to fly,

But, rather, how to know.

Singing and flying, self-taught are best:

Little things that life will show.

Knowledge, learning, when done right,

Will make ease of them grow.

So teach them to know and grow,

But in the end, it’s best let them go.
~
 73.

I write of what I fear,

What holds me to my ways,
And I write of joyful memories
I’ve seen throughout my days.

My hopes and dreams are drafted here

Among the verse and prose,
As are my painful miseries,
The stinging thorn’d rose.

My love is something different,

So hard to catch and hold,
To capture here in these lines,
To finally be told.

Easy is to set this pen

To pad and start to write,
Easier than to lbed alone
Each and every night.

The words I write seem empty

Without her by my side,
Nothing else can help their flow,
For I know; I’ve tried.

And as I finish one more poem

About this block, this stall,
I think about my lovely mate,
The fairest of them all.
~
 74.

When your eyes are teary,

And your soul feels weary,
I will be there.

With a shoulder to cry upon

And a chest to sigh upon,
I will be there.

I will support you when you ask,

Through any sort of task.
I’ll always find a way.

When you need someone to heed you,

And let emotions lead you,
I’ll always find a way.

I will not try to shush you,

Nor let your feelings crush you,
As long as I am there.

So if your sadness shoves you,

Remember someone loves you,

For I’ll always be right there.

~
 75.

In the darkness of the night,

Far beneath the moon’s pure light,

Shadows creep and shadows crawl

To the sound of evil’s call

To rip asunder and shed blood

In a deeply crimson flood

All the children in their homes

As the deathly veil now roams

Across the ocean and the land –

Apocolypse is at hand.
~
 76.

Create a man from six-pence,

Create a man from rye;
Create a man from nothing
Who’s not afraid to die.

Teach him in the art of war,

Teach him of the pain;
Teach him how to lose his love,
But never to disdain.

Begin to have him march along,

Begin to let him lead;
Begin to teach him sacrifice
For others when in need.

Then take the soldier out of war,

Then take him to the plow,
Then watch the man destroy himself,
For to peace he’ll never bow.
~
 77.

Into the dried-up battlefields,

Where blood and sweat have flown,
Into the open wilderness,
Where hawk and crow both roam,

Into the mistiness of life

Which hides tomorrow’s plans,
Into the grandest chance of all
Is where I try my hands.

I will not know the foe I fight,

I will not know it’s name.
I will not know its battle plans,
Nor whether it is tame.

I will not know the sacrifice

I will be asked to make,
Only that it will be done
For my lover’s sake.

For years we fought the tide of war,

For years we tried for peace,
But no one listened to our cries;
Our tears did never cease.

And then one night as we lay down,

An arrow took my love,
For some had heard us long enough
To quench my peaceful dove.

So until I find my quarry,

Wherever they may be,
I’ll where the paints of blood and sweat,
‘Til my lover’s soul is free.
~
 78.

Passing time along my day,

To never hear your voice,
Or see you walk by in the street;
To wave is not a choice.

Granted that you asked me,

And granted, I agreed,
To not so much as speak to you
Unless you spoke to me.

And even though my soul does try

To call you in my day,
I quietly endure my struggle
And hope you find your way.

How I miss all your comments,

And all your idle time,
And hope that it is worth it,
This quiet that you find.

My day is much more empty

And not even by my choice;
The day goes on even so,
Without your tender voice.
~
 79.

Now that all the lights are off,

And all the shades are drawn,
I lie here softly in my bed
Alone, for you are gone.

This bed once was a gift to me,

But is now too big to bear;
It’s emptiness just more reminding me
With whom it I did share.

The house has all gone silent,

So deafening to hear.
It feeds upon my loneliness;
It feeds upon my fear.

Between the sheet and mattress,

Alone am I in bed.
The night moves on uncaring;
Now all my hopes are dead.
~
 80.

A card for all the love I’ve lost,

A card for all I’ve found,
A card for all the memories;
Both pain and joy abound.

A card for all the people

That I want to be with now,
Plus a card for that single one;
The question now is how.

How do I show my feelings,

The truest and most deep,
And how do I express my love;
Of this I wish to speak.

I wish to play my hand

And win the jewel, not pot,
For coins will come and coins will go,
The jewel itself will not.

I will not force the other’s hand

To be laid down in defeat,
Nor play with hidden cards at all,
For with honor, this I meet.

The jewel can never tarnish,

But my own self-worth is free
To fluctuate at its will
Based on actions come from me.
…
 The poker’s hand and poker face
Are part of all this game,
But if I obtain it by cheat,
I’ll leave my chair in shame.

The card of lost, the card of found,

The card of memory,
Together with the card of all
The people that I see

Are perhaps enough right now

To live my life out fine,
Until the card of single hearts
Dealt into this hand of mine.

And now I see the single jewel,

Like the single heart,
And begin the understanding
Both of love and of its art,

For now I play my hand

To see what can be done,
And hope to chance and mystery
That, in the end, I’ve won.
~
 81.

Alone at night, alone in bed,

Thoughts of you are in my head.

Throughout the day, my brave façade’s

A needed lie to carry on.

They do not know my grief inside

Nor my sorrow, for both I hide.

At night the mask slips far away

From the place it holds in day.

Underneath it, my tears are shed,

Silent witness to pain unsaid.

Raw emotions come to the fore;

Am I able to take on more?

Alone at night, here in my bed,

There’s so much pain, so much unsaid.
~
 82.

Does it bother you when I give you a kiss,

Or embrace you in my arms?

I can feel the hesitation in your body,

And can see something flicker past your eyes.

Is it fear that I am trying to forget

That we are no longer a couple,

That I am trying to fool myself,

And in a way, hopefully take you with me,

In that reality between you and I isn’t as it is?

I am very aware of the situation.
~
 83.

I am tired.
My shoulders ache from the burden that they carry during the day,
My back wishes it no longer had to stay straight,
And my legs are sore from my journeying.

I am restless.
My eyes search beyond the horizon,
Looking for a place to settle other than here,
For a place that would bring me closer to you.

I hurt.
My soul calls out to you in a hoarse voice,
Hoping to the gods above that you will hear me,
And somehow it might make a difference.

I grieve.
Silent tears of frustration streak down my face,
Their calm mission to soak both skin and shirt
The only evidence of the chaos that reigns inside of me.

I am a survivor.
Although the pain may seem too much,
And exhaustion will often-time follow me,
My day will somehow come to a close.

I am a man.
I am able to create great works of art
And push human-kind to places it has never known of,
Yet I realize that they are mere shadows to what you and I achieved
together.
…
 I am alone.
My days are filled with the dance of work,
And my nights with the dance of despair,
Seeing that you are not here with me.

I dream.
At night I see you smile at me,
And for that time, the world is right,
But upon waking the nightmare begins, for your smile is gone.

I watch.
From the distance, I watch as your life goes on,
Not knowing whether or not you are happy,
Not knowing how to react either way.

I pray.
Somehow, someway, you will remember me,
And in those moments of time you will miss me,
And what we had together.

I promise.
Never will I grow tired of your ways,
Though my soul will cry in silence of the pain,
I will be here for you if you wish it.
~
 84.

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you see someone who misses the love you gave him,
Or someone who misses you?

Do you see the pain that I go through

As something that I do out of desparation,
Or something that I do out of commitment?

When we talk, do you hear in my voice

The sound of someone pleading with you,
Or the sound of someone that is concerned?

Do you think that I do as I am

Because I believe that no one else will want me,
Or because I know that I will want no one else?

Above all, do you wonder if what I do,

I do because I you are the only one that I love,
Or because you are the one that I choose to love?

When it comes time for you to look me in the eyes,

And to hold my hands in both of yours,
Tell me, please, what do you see?
~
 85.

A simple pen, in and of itself;

It holds no mysteries, its ink bears no lies –
But I cannot yet imagine the task set before it.

Other pens, perhaps they have it easier.

All that they need to do is write a word.

They need not be studied by their owner

As he grasps for words to describe his feelings
And whether or not they sound all right,
Nor stop in mid-sentence for minutes at a time.

They need not be a focus for my emotions,

Emotions that I keep subdued during the day.

They write of simpler things, but I digress,

For this pen must help me write of you,

And I know not when its task will end.

~
 86.

I saw you in my dreams tonight.

You were walking towards me in the moonlight,
Your hair shining in a pale silver glow.
Your lips moved, but no sound came forth.

Frustrating beyond measure did I find

That you wanted to tell me something,
But something else seemed to forbid you.
I reached out to touch your cheek,

And while you smiled and nestled into my palm,

Your form was only half there,
For I could feel the warmth of your body,
But not the smoothness of your skin.

With a teary eye, I watched you watch me

As you floated back from whence you came,
To rejoin the silvery mist on the horizon,
And awoke to feel your soul touching mine,

And wept.
~
 87.

I wish that I could traverse

The space ‘tween you and I,
But circumstances as they are
Restrict what I can try.

Yet if you take that first step,

I’ll meet you on your way,
And if you take the second,
I’ll hold you night and day;

And if you take the third step,

I’ll join you at your side,
For the third step is for both of us –
My love will then not hide.

And if you take the next step,

The fifth, and then another,
Know that I will be with you,
As friend, as mate, as lover.
~
 88.

Unfairly said but truly spoken,

This love that we have made;
I look upon your silken lips
And know it shan’t fade.

From deep within the root of me,

My lust calls out to you,
Yet deeper still the memories
Of what we have been through.

The late discussions in the dark,

The sunsets passing by,
The movies that friends recommend –
We laughed and also cried.

I see your face and notice

The call that comes from you
And breathlessly wait again
Until you walk it through.
~
 89.

Howls of anger, howls of tears,

Fill my nights, breathe my fears.

Hear the anguish of my soul;

Feel the pain that’s left untold.

Join the creatures of the night,

To let my fury tinge my sight

And make the darkness that of red

Before I rest my weary head

And awaken on that crystal morn…

In waking, then, I am reborn.
~
 90.

Treat me just like any other;

Treat me like a man.
Your gentle gaze upon my brow
Brings weakness to my hands.

A smile from lips that I have touched

Brings heartache unintended,
And I know what always was,
For my love is unsuspended.

When we look across the room

And see each other’s eyes,
Know in my heart I hold you there;
My love is unconfined.

If that I could come closer

And touch your lips with mine,
But circumstances delegate
What actions I can try.

For many nights I’ve dreamt of

What beauty that you hold.
To see it now in waking life
Stirs embers from the cold.

Yet in this world which we reside,

There are favors and demands,
So please treat me just like any other;
Treat me like a man.
~
 91.

Some people cry out

At a picture of love lost,
Some demand for mercy
From the winter’s frost.

I myself call out to none

To hear my anguished cries,
I myself do not expect
Another to dry my eyes.

Would that I could listen

To that voice that is yours,
Would that I could aide you
In your daily chores.

But that world is gone from me,

Gone without a trace.
I cannot touch your soft brown hair,
Nor look upon your face.

I know not how to tell you

What my loss of you has done.
I only grieve in silence –
My sobs are heard by none.
~
 92.

For every smile that you touch me with,

For every extra good,

You remind me of things meant to be,

The way they’ve always stood,

And until that time when you are free

To love me as you do,

Then I will wait on hopefully –

‘Tis the love I have for you.
~
 93.

In silken sheets I wait for you,

With pillows full of down.
My breath is deep from peaceful sleep,
No sweat upon my brow.

A smile plays now across my lips

From something that I see;
My heart pumps softly in my chest,
And I rustle as I dream.

Will you wake me from my sleep,

To sit down on my bed?
Will your fingers gently trace
The hair that’s on my head?

Will you look down in my eyes

And wish for me to wake?
As I lie here in my sleep,
The choice is yours to make.
~
 94.

My fears grow softly in the night,

For will I hear your call?
Will I hear your gentle voice
Rise above it all?

Will I hear your sadness,

Or will I hear your tears;
Will I have the strength to listen
Throughout the coming years?

But know that as I look at you,

And see what’s in your eyes,
My heart will be right there for you,
My ears to hear your cries.
~
 95.

Wish that I could touch your face,

Wish that I could give embrace
To you whom I do love most,
Of whom my thoughts do tend to coast.

To hear your laughter, see your smile,

Makes the effort all worthwhile.
To talk with you about your day,
Or whatever comes our way;

To argue with you and debate

Or snuggle while we stay up late;
To say my love and hear it back…
To hear it all is what I lack.
~
 96.

To see you in my arms again,

To see you in a dream,

To see our love together now,

So happy would I be,

To thank all of the gods above,

To thank all those below,

To thank the heaven and the earth,

To let our love then grow.
~
 97.

In a world where men are men,

To be brought into an uncaring society
Where they are no longer allowed
To weep or give trace of sadness,

Know that behind every smile that I show,

Behind every handshake, every signature,
My soul cries in silent tears
Of the grieve that I have in losing you,

And that no matter how many I fool

Into thinking me a man strong in his day,
With every breath I feel the ache in my lungs
That tells of the sob yearning to be set free
From the chamber in which it is kept.

So that to all but you

I am a man that does not suffer,
A man who is uncaring, unweeping,

And at night, as I lay my head to rest,

A man utterly alone.
~
 98.

I watch as the water flows across your skin,

Gently cascading from the crown of your head
And through the silkiness of your hair,
Molding it to the tops of your shoulders
And the middle of your lovely back.

I follow the water’s path as it glides down your sides,

Over the luscious curves of your hips,
Letting me know exactly why the water steams as it does,
For I can feel the heat inside myself
That the sight of your glistening skin ignites.

Lower, now, to the smoothness of your thighs,

The water’s heat warming you in places
That I wish now that I could go,

To touch your skin where it is wet,

My fingers lightly flowing down your thighs
As the water does now, making you wetter than you were before.

I close my eyes and inhale deeply,

The heavy steam filling my lungs,
And yet the underlying scent which is you
Filling my senses in more ways than one.

Opening them, I turn, and quickly take a breath,

For you have turned your back to the water.
…
 My gaze follows the steam as it curls about your legs,
Around them, between them, rising higher,
Sending warm, invisible carresses through your skin,
Massaging your inner muscles without any pressure given.

I notice a small current in the water,

A ripple in its flow as it plays itself down your abdomen,
And follow it up past the soft skin of your stomach
To the lower part of your rib cage,
Your chest expanding and collapsing slowly with each breath,
The flow of water rising and falling in time with it,

To see the water pouring in between your breasts,

Its hot breath upon such sensitive skin
Causing it to blush and become even more so,

Every movement of your arms causing the water to change course,

Playing across one whole breast,
Enveloping it completely in a moment of intimate heat,
And then drifting to the opposite side,

The now-cool air to your skin causing it to go taut,

Your nipple with but a drop of water hanging from it –
Oh how I wish to relieve it of its load –
…
 But the water changes course once more,
And I look up to your face
To have my breath not go quick, but stop,
For the water bounces gently off of your hair,
Creating the echo of the halo I know to be there.

Your eyes meet mine for a moment and then you smile,
Such a heavenly treat that it be,
Before you close them again
To lean your head back into the water,

The water now creating circlets from the back of your ears
To the lowest point of your neckline,
And I remember how that skin felt to the tip of my tongue.

Your hands reaching up to touch your forehead,

Your whole body reacting to the stretch
As you enjoy the feel of the heat surrounding you,
Carressing you, teasing you
Everywhere on your body that it now flows,
The steam warming you in places where the water cannot,

And I am there, watching you,

Mesmerized by the beauty which stands before me,
The hot steam a cool comparison to the blood in my veins.

Slowly, carefully, I reach out to you,

And begin.
~
 99.

Emotions tremble deep inside,

Close enough to the surface for me to choke,
But far enough for me to manage as I need,

Until the point where something comes up

And shakes the delicate balance that I had,
Breaking the dam that I had in place.

Woe for those times,

For I know not how to act,
Or how to weep,
Or how to howl out in anger

And cause myself physical harm

To quiet the feelings in my heart

Until the next time,

When they are shaken again.
~
 100.

In war it is a bitter thing to have one’s leg blown off;

They say although no flesh remains, the feelings never stop.

Love is like that, in its ways, when one you love has gone.
It hits you when you least expect, and never is it wrong.

You see a puppy in the store and know who liked them best.
You open your mouth to tell them so, but words die in your chest.

Your life has been thus shortened, as if you lost a limb,

But who can see your agony that blossoms from within?

Who can see the torture that you face throughout the day
Of love that once was meant to be, and now has gone astray?

Maybe, perhaps, it is better to live without the limb,

For how can one survive alone when dying from within?
~
 101.

Every morning of my life,

I think of you and I,
Of the love we share together,
And its reasons why.

I cannot tell you how I know

That you and I should be;
I only know that I can feel it
In every part of me.

Your life is yours, as mine is mine,

To live as thus you choose;
The way that you and I can be
Is a thing you’ll never lose,

For even though the nights are long

And my days are spent alone,
My love for you and what might be
Are things I’ve always known.
~
 102.

In future years, as years now past,

Have no fear – my love will last.
As days go by, my love will grow;
I cannot help but let it so.

Like the tree which grows from seed,

My love for you has but three needs:
The first, the soil, the base of love;
The second, the sun, which shines above;

The third is water to fill its veins,

To make it strong against life’s pains.
Of these the soil has always been,
And deeper now than firstly thin.

The sun, your touch, your gentle grace,

Your soft brown eyes, your loving face.
To this my limbs do yearn to touch,
And gather strength from the soil as such.

But without the third, no leaves would be

As it is with any tree,
For the third, your love, I’ll always need
To grow the tree out from the seed.
…
Though clouds of life may block the sun,
Your love of me is blocked by none.
It’s source is you and to me flows
The greatest gift that one could know.

It’s with this gift my veins do fill

To keep away the cloudy chill,
For when the clouds have passed along,
The birds will sing in joyous song

Of future years and years now past,

And let you know this love will last.
~
 103.
You say you are unworthy,
My standards much too low.
The question that I ask of you
Is who are you to know?

My parents once, they did that,

When I was a child,
For I did not know quite enough;
My wants were strange and wild.

Now I’m older, and have learned

Some things since way back when.
My goals are more realistic
Than those I had at ten.

My shoulders now can carry more

Than I ever thought they would;
My brain now earns me money –
I never thought it would.

The choices that I’ve lived

Have made me who I am,
Have made me know the difference
Between the child and man.

Though it’s not for me to decide

The woman that I love,
I can decide which I want:
It’s you and none above.
…
 I will decide on my own,
No heed to any other,
Whom I wish to want in life,
And you I want as lover.

When my body made its choice

To lust yours as it does,
My mind, my soul, asked for more,
To tell me who this was.

I’ve learned of you and your ways,

Though granted not them all,
So I think that you are known enough
For me to make the call

Of whom it is I want in life

To be with side by side,
Of whom it is I cherish most,
So this I do confide:

You are more worthy than you know

For this lowly man;
Your heart and mind call to me
Like no other woman’s can.

I want you in my life today,

Tomorrow, and along.
Your worth sings to me in my sleep;
Please let me sing that song.
~
 104.

Wish I could tell you right now how I feel,

Of emotions and thoughts and pain that’s so real.

It hurts me to think that you’re no longer here;

Once filled with love, my heart’s filled with fear

That never again shall I see your sweet face,

That never again shall I feel your embrace,

That never again will I hear of your voice,

Never again, should you make it, that choice.

My days will go on, thus filled with fear,

Until I embrace you, until you are here.
~
 105.

My days and nights are not complete

Without you here with me.
It’s not something that I choose,
Just the way things seem to be.

I cannot hear your laughter,

Nor you my anguished cry,
I cannot say, “I love you,”
Then tell you reasons why.

Though criticized as foolish

For waiting here for you,
I know my heart and what it wants,
And what it wants is you.

Thus I’ll endure my loneliness,

Though incomplete it be,
Until I hear your laughter once again,
Until you’re here with me.
~
 106.

I can’t tell you why I love you,

Why I do the things I do,
Nor why I am who I am,
Nor why I wish to be with you.

You make me laugh, you make me cry,

You gave me something new,
A feeling never felt before,
A love I found in you.

I do not wish things were different

About the feeling in my heart,
I only try to survive
All the time that we’re apart.

As days erode like diamonds,

And at night my hopes remiss,
I pray that I am strong enough
To carry on through this.

You alone are my reward,

You are the lover that I seek.
My silent wait will go on,
Whether I be strong or meek.
~
 107.

If you take a look at all that you are

And the path that you are standing on,
For both the person that you will become
And the heart which you will inherit,

Then you can see why you are unhappy

In the different dark clouds of your life
Or in how you affect the lives of others.

If you take a second look at all that you could be

And the branches of the path you are on,
For both the person that you have the chance to be
And the heart which you can choose from,

Then you see where you can grow

Above those dark clouds in your life
And how much you can affect the lives of others.

If you take a third look at all that you wish to be

And the paths that are yours for the making,
Both for the person you see in the distance
And the heart you can hold in your hands,

Then you can truly decide to be happy

And to forget about the dark clouds in your life,
So you may shine with love and joy
In the hearts of those around you.
~
 108.

Do I or do I not tell you of my feelings,

Of the sorrow that fills my soul
To know that you are no longer here?

Should I let you see the raw pain

That exists deep in my chest
When I go to bed alone at night,

With the tears of frustration and sadness

Forming in my eyes, but not shedding,
For there is no longer a shoulder to cry upon?

I do not wish to let you comfort me,

For in doing so, you bring pain to yourself,
And even though you may say it self-wrought,

It is I who decides whether to stay silent,

To let you live in peace,
Or whether I am to tell you,
And bring hurt into a heart that should never know of it.

Your comforting words once more reveal to me

A glimmer of what you and I shared,
And I cannot help but weep anew
For the precious gift that I have lost.
…
 In these, my words, I tell you of how I feel,
In hopes that you will read them,
And see what your leaving has created,

Of how much I love you,

No matter what anyone believe to be true,
For it is only you and I that matter.

I will take care of myself –

I always have.

But I will always love you,

And always will I want you in my life.

May that these poems show you that,

And I have done more then I ever thought possible.
~
 109.

Although I seem to take offense

At what it is that you are telling me,
You don’t have to stop doing it to appease me
Or calm me down when I seem upset.

I would rather to hear the truth

From your own lips to my ears
Than find out about it later
From another source than yourself.

Hurt and anger may occur,

But those are so regular in the day
That to add more caused by truth
Will not upset the load that I carry
From those caused by plotting and deceit.

If you wish to tell me something,

I am here in front of you now,
Unabashed and unarmed to fight back,
Given that the harm you may cause
Is in no way intended to exist.

The truth is the truth,

And unless you say that it has changed,
You have my trust in this matter.

Come, tell me what is on your mind.

~
 110.

Give me a second to catch my breath.

I was just surprised at how you reacted.
I thought that you knew what had happened
On the night that you had gone away;

I had told the others about it,

And you know how word spreads like wildfire.

Can you tell me how I am the guilty one

In not telling you as soon as you came home,
In the state of joy that you had,
In the time of day that you stepped in the door?

I’ve never tried to hide something like this

From either you or anyone else.
Why do you think I told those that I did?

I understand that you are hurt.

I understand that you are angry.

If I could do more, you know that I would,

But you will not allow me to.
If I wished it was different,
Then I would not be the person that I am:
The person that you know me to be.

I am still that person.

Please open your eyes to see that now.

I’m here. I’m not leaving –

Only if you ask me to.
Please.
~
 111.

Create for me a beautiful garden,

With the darkest crimson roses
Climbing along the trellis as I walk in;

With the purest white peonies

Crawling throughout the border fences,
Painted a soft white to show
Just how white those blossoms can be;

With the greenest of ivy plants,

And ferns tall enough to use as shade
On those hot summer days that I love the most;

With a huge oak tree to climb in

When the weather is at its best
And I don’t feel like sitting in a hammock;

With a small creek of crystalline water

Bubbling over the blue and grey pebbles
And through mosses of every size and shape.

Create for me a beautiful garden,

With the centerpiece not a tree, but a bench,

Where you and I can sit together in a haven

That I’ve always felt when I’m in your arms again.
~
 112.

I can’t understand how you look at me

In the way that you do from time to time
And still deny doing what you want to do,
As if it has never occurred to you before.

We stand here, together,

In this passing moment on this fateful day,
Your hands softly nestled in mine,
Your eyes and heart watching me
As I have always looked upon you.

The next moment brings things unknown,

With people we’ve never met before,
Places we’ve never walked before,
And eperiences never before known.

It is the deepest desire of my entirety

To spend those moments with you,
Just as we are spending this one now,
If not hand in hand, at least heart with heart.

I will not force you in any of this,

Nor question you later on why it was
That you acted as you are about to.

I will simply express my wish, desire,

To be open with you as you want to be.
~
 113.

Granted an asylum away from my thoughts,

I careen into the images that assault me
From every direction and every source
That I have met in my journeys in this life.

Running, hiding, running again,

I move between the shadows of my own mind
‘Lest they find me again and force sanity
On what a joyfully adrenaline-filled place I am in.

I care not for the outside world,

Save for the desires of the moment present:
The future will be what it is,
And I may not even be around for it.

Come, play with me. Hurt me. Heal me.

Dance with me. Run with me.

Be free from your thoughts and fly.

~
 114.

In the darkest cavern one can find

Within the realm of their own mind,

Lurks emotions buried so deep

That only in stress can they then creep

To the surface between spots of awareness

And effect us in ways that truly do scare us;

Thus keeps them low unless others do see

What our truest emotions could and might be.
~
 115.

Give me to the throes of insanity,

Where water burns like kindlewood,

Denying me the pleasure of soothing caress

After I have worked my long days in the garden,

Planting seed upon seed of hope and desire

For love and life and joy and ecstasy

Between the weeds that insist upon crawling

Through the rocky soil that I have made mine

By bath of blood and sweat and tears

So given that I find myself empty inside,

Demanding to be filled with something whole

From some person, some thing, some insanity

To tuck me in at night and soothe those wounds

That the water now cannot touch.
~
 116.

A single strip of fired metal,

So straight and sturdy within my palm

And yet as light and fleet as a feather
Upon the wing of some magnificent bird.

Hours has it taken to create it,

The perfection being almost complete:

Threaded steel upon the handle,
Wrapped thrice with love and care;

Etched-in symbols of my wants and desires

Across the flat smoothness that it holds;

Bordered by edges so razor-sharp

That even the stretches of time are cut
Into mere moments, seconds, flashes of light.

So simple an object it is
In a world that grows more complex
And chaotic in its order around me.

A movement, a painless movement.

Peace.
Perfection.

Thank the gods.

~
 117.

With fingers too numb to even feel,

I set my hand against the wheel

And wince against the grinding pressure

That sets forth pain beyond all measure

When the numbness does then fade away

At the start of the new day.

Yesteryear brought us such a darkness

That all our hearts felt a starkness

Of the naked truth of danger

At the mercy of some unknown stranger

Who has entered our world unannounced

With a plot yet unpronounced.

I hope that with me standing up still,

I can bring to his soul an earthly chill

When he sees that not all of us are sheep

Who will simply moan and weep
…
 As he sets forth his golden rules
To men less like fighters and more like fools.

By brawn, the children are running frightened,

And by mind he’s beaten those we call enlightened,

Stopping hopes and dreams from ever showing

In hearts of pain that’s now overflowing

Amongst my bretheren, and sisters too,

From darkness followed by no day new.

Being told what all he has done

And knowing, more, it has been in fun,

I set myself against his dark plans –

Hiding in shadows that now cripple our lands –

To break all the spokes so he never can heal

From when the cost of my hand stops his great wheel.
~
 118.

Give me seconds to my death,

Add some moments to my life,
Before all the darkness
Shrouds all the strife

And the suffering now around,

With screams of pain the only sound.

Yet fading, now, my sight becomes –

And the sound of beating drums –

As my allies fall all about me,

Wishing something else to be,
Hoping in vain to live a day further
After the battle, and after the murder.
~
 119.

Keep your thoughts now to yourself

And put the issues on a shelf

To wait for when the time is due,

After this ordeal is then through.

Your argument and contemplation

Does not help the situation.

Though valid, yes, it is to me,

Let the conversation be.
~
 120.

Silence is golden, or so they do say,

Amongst the people in your day.

A secret told can ever shatter

Trust in another, regardless the matter.

Friendships can change, break, or reverse;

Lovers can quarrel, argue, or worse.

A whispered emotion when you are alone

Is there to remember and not to be shown

To all of those that it does not affect

Or any more that do not reflect

A mirror’s look of you yourself,

Unless you have a private elf

Who listens to only your very word

And tells it to none like some little bird.

So few they be, however; you may

Find one to share with, or so they do say.
~
 121.

Behind the curtain of despair

Which hides in misty mountain air,

Sits a hopeful light now gleaming

Like the sun, so bright its beaming,

Towards all those who give fight

Against their foe this fateful night,

When men do cry a battle song

For all that’s right and what is wrong

In all the world and how they feel

To take up bow and brandish steel,

Spilling blood now as they may

To make a future brighter day

Than what the stage has set them to

Now as the light first touches dew,

So thick from all the mountain air

That hides the curtain of despair.
~
 122.

Give me life or give me death,

And take it all in one breath

So that I am not kept here waiting

Like a new soul and its fating

Before it sees light of its life

And deals with its joys and its strife.

Empty now, my hands are bare

From fighting poorer than you there,

With sword now shattered well and sound

And shield smacked off onto the ground,

With brow now slick from all the sweat,

Hanging low, defeat now met.

As eagles cry in defiance,

We battled past broken alliance

Of the blood oath which we took

With palms slashed deep and hands both shook
…
Towards peace from both our mortal foe –
‘Twas war we wrought but did not know.

Your side was took, as was mine,

And both then drew the battle line,

Raising swords up to the sky

To crash them down upon ally,

Since foes were gone and long-since dead

In graves or tombs or on deathbeds.

Grizzled, then, we strove for peace –

Like some madmen towards gold fleece –

And toppled down against each other,

Both you and I, our own bloodbrother,

All in one sweet moment’s breath.

So brother, now, choose life or death.
~
 123.

Reach out behind the past

And what happened in your day,
To look for all the meaning
Of what you then did say.

Were your words a promise

That you must some day keep,
Or were they just the answer
To a question that you seek?

Is hope what fills your memory

As you look back in your mind,
Or was there too much pain at hand
For the hope that you can’t find?

Did you say all that you wanted

To all you wanted to,
Or did you keep it to yourself,
Leaving silent what is true?
…
 Were opinions what you spoke of,
Were they simply facts,
Or perhaps a blend of both
To stop the crowds so fast?

Was what was meant and what was said

Both one and of the same,
Or was the difference ‘tween the two
Too large to give a name?

Are the goals you keep in sight

What you chased today?
Was all the meaning kept in check
When you said what you did say?

Can you see behind the past

To what person’s standing true?
Tell me when you do, my friend,
For that person’s you.
~
 124.

The moth has flittered away from the veil

Which the shadows of night embrace it with,

And has flown ever forward on its quiet journey

Towards the source of warmth and light

That flickers in and out of its awareness,

Knowing only that it is better than the veil behind
And the cold emptiness that it has endured.

Moving faster, now, it darts back and forth

To find the best way to approach this bright splendour,
Until it makes the decision and drops closer still.

Looking up through confused eyes and the remaints of wings,

Perhaps, it thinks, the cold veil was better after all.
~
 125.

Screaming voices surround me,

Assaulting my sanity,
Assaulting my mind
So that the barest peace I cannot now find.

The shadows move along the wall,

Playing out something too hideous
To be described in words alone,
Especially when my voice is not my own.

Crashes come from behind me

And I run into the dark abyss
Of the hot night outside
Hoping that it will help me hide.

I trip over a fallen tree in my path

And touch my palm to flesh
Of a friend who sees no more;
Is there no wound that they abhor?

Quiet now but for my breath,

My ears glean for any sound,
Each moving branch a hand.
The silence after the storm is oddly bland.

A whisper of things to come

Reaches my ears across the wind
And, anew, I weep.
Covering my friend and I loosely, I sleep.
~
 126.

With all of my strength,

I lay this sword down at your feet
And pledge allegiance to a man I hate.

For all the gods as my witness,

Our time shall come where you and I meet
On a battlefield of blood and pain,
Screaming cries from both of our men,

And I will sneer at you in contempt

For even calling yourself a man –
Let alone one of honor.

I will not touch nor harm you as you are;

You will be the first to break,
Being the cur of a being that you are.

Until that day, you have my oath

And my word of no harm upon you.

Be thankful. My Lord.
~
 127.

Keep in time with all that is right

In the world you know around you

As you step into the glorious sunshine

In the middle of the day
Or the peaceful silence
Of a midsummer’s pitch black new moon.

Do not attempt something different

From the tune you hear in your mind
When the faery bards begin
And the gnomes ask you to dance

Along the mountain ridges

Across to the crystal clear waters
That the sylphs have laid before you.

The people of the wind and wood

Have found you a home you’ve never known
And shall now never leave again.

The forest is yours to enjoy,

And you are its own,
For as long as you both shall live.
~
 128.

Creature of darkness,
In all of your splendour
And your wonders great and tall,

Give to us the wisdom

Which we ask of you this night
To vanquish our foes
From both the earthly and astral realms,

Unto the sweet emptiness

That only oblivion can provide

Before they begin to amass anew

And gather with them all the points of light
Which make our stomachs weak
And our limbs all the weaker
To hold our arms up to you,

So that we may still bask in the glory

Which only you yourself can provide.
~
 129.

In a dark tunnel,
Past some bright flowers
Along a wide creek,
Lives such a beauty
That ever was seen.

Her days are kept night

So none can picture
The sheen of her hair,
Or her soft smile’s shine.

Few have met her,

And fewer have stayed
To see her inside,
With emotions full
And wisdom attached.

Perhaps a day comes

Where one stays for good,
Letting the light in
To her heart and mind –
So joyful will it be.

Until then, she waits,

Living life hidden
In that dark tunnel
She’s placed ‘round herself
All those years ago.
~
 130.

Although the sands of time

Have sifted down to the bottom chamber
Of this glass called life,

The river of emotions stirs memories

From the depths of which they are buried
So that the sun may shine again
Upon what had slept for so long.

New thoughts encounter the old,

And small sandstorms arise in the glass
As the winds of perception
Die out, clash, and converge,

Leaving the sands mixed so much more

Than they were before the rivers ran through.
~
 131.

Whisper my name softly in the dark

And take me to a place few have seen,
But many have heard of.

A land of legend, of lore, of myth,

It is where dragons have been slain
To save the village of innocents below,

Where castles have been built upon cliffs,

Outlooking a clouded sky over wave-churned seas,

And where unicorns and little children

Sleep side-by-side in the warmth of a sunset’s rays.

There will I find a peace never forgotten,

No matter how far away I may travel,
Nor how long my journeys from home may be,

As when I’m safely wrapped in your arms tonight,

My name and yours the only words we need.
~
 132.

Great though it seems

To have traveled so far
And seen so many sights,

My mind still returns to your image

Waving goodbye to me with teary eyes,
But yet a soft smile upon your lips.

I know not when or how I shall return

To the warmth of your embrace
And the love that I see in your eyes –

So much more does that alone scare me

Than any beast or man ever could.

My ship has sailed from port,

And my horse has loosed its reins;

I find myself alone in a sea of strangers

Who would rather keep to themselves
Than learn of my efforts to go home.

As long as your image fights above all

To remain so constant and pure to my eyes,
The path will somehow be revealed

So that I may find my way home

To that soft smile I miss and love so much.
~
 133.

This dream of mine is coming to an end,

As the dawn of a new day’s reality
Reaches through the dust-masked curtains
To tap me lightly on the forehead
While I sleep soundly in my bed of tears.

Stirring, now, I raise the covers from atop me

And place my foot on the ground below.

The dreams of the night before

Soon fade away like morning dew
From the fields of blossoms my hopes remain.

With a shrug and a stretch,

I move to the window beside me
And cast aside the memories and fears,
Such that the full glory of the new day
May warm me from heart to soul.
~
 134.

There will come a time in our lives

Where someone will kneel down before you
As I am kneeling now,

To look into the wonders that are your eyes,

And gently take hold of your hands,
Just like this.

The voice will come softly at first,

Triggering those eyes to begin watering
From the emotions that you both feel,

Telling you that the person loves you

More than anything else in the world,
And how they wish to be with you forever,
In heart, mind, and soul.

They will ask you a question,

And the first tears will be set free,
The only answer in that awkward moment
Where silence is the loudest thing of all.

In that moment, your heart will change

To set a new course than the one now,
And you will smile through those tears
At the person kneeling then before you.
…
 I tell you now, as you do know,
That I love you from deep in my heart.

As much as that love may be,

Another will be kneeling here then,
And I will step onto a path of my own.

Though hearts will always call to the other,

Lives between us have diverged and split,
Allowing others to be placed beside us,
As when our hearts opened to a new bird’s song.

From the love that be,

To the life that won’t,
I wish you happiness in the other’s arms,

With a love to outshine even the sun

And the shadows cast from memories gone by.
~
 135.

Dive into the arms of a young love’s embrace

And soothe the wounds you’ve received in your day
As you’ve battled away from the safety of home
To make for yourself a brighter day tomorrow.

Relax your defenses that clammer to rise,

Since nothing here will harm you at all
(Be it in body or in the soul you bring forth).

Show now your weaknesses that you’ve hidden all day

To rest yourself in comfort and harmony
From another’s soft carress and ministrations.

The greatest fight you’ll ever encounter,

Regardless of the foes set now before you,

Is the victory you’ll achieve

As you surrender to the smile
Of the one that you love.
~
 136.

It is a hope and a prayer

To whatever god or goddess listening

That I keep ahold of my sanity

Throughout this strenuous of times
In my life and my days now going by.

A race with no break,

A meal with no course,
A goal with no flag,

My choices come and go like the wind,

No trees of shade to stall them.

It is with determined will

That, regardless, I will make it by
All of the stumbles that hide away
In the fog of the future come true.

Goddess, god, or none,

I am who I am,
And nothing now shall stand in my way.
~
 137.

Grant the man his fortune of wares

That he’s collected during his days
While his ships left the ports bare
And his wagons ran the city-maze.

Know him to be a kindred soul

To all of the children out in the street
Who in the winter haven’t one coal
To ease the chill from their hands and feet

When the winter’s winds have come,

And the fires alight in each hearth.
‘Tis the storage rooms that hum
As the skies turn all dark.

It isn’t from cargo he runs here and there,

But the children nestling to bed,
Thanks to an older child now fair
With grey streaks upon his head.
~
 138.

Softly carried o’er the trees,

My lover’s voice calls out to me

In a whisper gently sent,

With emotions so truly meant

To let me feel all that is shared

Between two souls who have cared

For each other all this time

And not known how both were blind

To the thoughts now ferrying

Across the wind’s strong carrying

From my lover’s gentle lips

To now my pen and fingertips

As I sit and watch the breeze

That carries her love o’er the trees.
~
 139.

There’s a certain and definite attraction

Between the two of us
That I can almost taste in quiet moments

When we look into each other’s eyes

And fall silent from little else to say,
So as not to ruin whatever it may be
That passes between our hearts and minds.

Nothing has happened, nor probably will it,

For our lives are moving in separate directions
From what it would take to create that spark,
Or that chance to have a moment more.

We’ve talked and we’ve contemplated

All of this and of that between others,
And while I understand it and agree,

I still shall not quiet the sound of my emotions

That you hear as you look across the room –
Emotions of caring, concern, and giving.

We both know that you are your own

And, likewise, I forever shall be mine,
But that one moment’s shadow falls close
To the warm glow of our hearts.
…
 In time, the sun will move,
And perhaps the shade will move along with it.

Yet, until that time, the attraction remains,

Making us slightly different than pure friends:
Less than lovers, more than acquaintences.

Should you need me, I will be here,

Contemplating our roles under the sky.

No move shall I make,

No issue shal I push.

What will happen shall happen

In those moments that we look at each other
And smile in the comfort that we find.
~
 140.

The clash of metal upon metal

Attacks my ears with the fury
Of a midsummer’s great thunderstorm

That has been building and waiting

Ever since the glory of the spring
To unleash a mad-house of nature
Upon those unsuspecting minions below.

Cry after blood-curdling cry

Echoes throughout the long battle,
Starting out as a shriek of pain
Or the gurgle of a lung now pierced,

And ending in a mixture of moaning,

Of wishes for the agony to end,
And of tears clear and crimson
Now falling to the ground unyielding.

I grit my teeth against the bile,

Willing away the names of the dead
And of those so soon to die,
To firm my grip upon my steel,
…
 Roaring a challenge for all to hear
That I am ready to fight to the death
And will face anything that wants to stop me,
Even my own consciousness and sanity.

. . . The dead fall slower now,

As all alive are weary from our struggles
To find flesh with steel again and again.

Reality sets in, and I look about

To see the results of false hatred
Amongst what could be so peaceful a folk,

And watch my reason and logic slip away

As my sword slips itself into a grimacing face.
May the gods help us all.
~
 141.

You and I live great distances apart,

And yet somehow the feelings of our hearts
Reached across the land to carress each other
With the sensations that both of us did feel.

A casual flirt turned into something more,

While we both tried to understand
Just why we were courting this person
In a way that we hadn’t really done before.

Chance soon stumbled into reality,

And we came face-to-face one night,
Seeing in flesh the words we had cherished
To hear as we were in our own homes.

As it would be with both of us,

Shyness and unsurety soon followed,
But in time, it was overcome,
Even as other things came to cloud the issues.

Now, as I sit in the spot where both we sat,

And listen to the sounds that both we heard,
I thank you for what you have given me,
Knowing that I will cherish it and you forever.

Days have gone by many a time,

But even on the harshest do I recall
The ways that you influenced my heart
Across the great distances that we lived apart.

My love and my life go out to you,

My friend of greatest friends.
~
 142.

Bring forth your tears from thine eyes

As you listen to my lies

Of how much hate I did conceive

And how I led you to believe

That yesteryear was barely won

From the death of midnight sun,

When in truth, I am hiding

Something that I won’t confide in:

That fear of who has the power

Over my life for so many hour

Such that day and night do not compare

To the length of its share

In that knowledge left when day is gone

Of what feels right and what went wrong

Between myself and that other –

But ‘lo, these feelings now I smother

With laced pillow, a highly price

For its deceit and craft of lies.
~
 143.

In days of all the elder-speak,

Before age did rot their legs now weak,
The brothers sat across the field
And told the enemy to yield

Away their weapons of destruction

So ‘twas their twinly-borne instruction.
With fear and anger mixed together
Did their foe sit in his leather

And plated armor shining bright

Upon the winter’s day of white,
Yet did still call his troops to run
When all was thusly said and done.

A cry ran down across the line

To kill the twins and burn their sign
That they had brought with people new
Who, also now, they wished to slew

And go back to the days of order

With more land and lesser border.
So sharp the call that answered back
From the brothers on horseback,

That even some foe stood to wonder –

Which was alone their deadly blunder,
Proving fatal as they passed.
So little time did they last.
…
 Those brothers on that very day
Carried courage on their way
To their foe who sat and pondered
Whether life had been squandered

Against these men whom his own fought,

Yet seemed to lose and be distraught.
The second slash had been created
In his army and its fating,

For as his men then turned to rout,

A knee was shot out from his mount,
And tumble, then, did this man
Across the bloodied, battled land.

When once arose, he found his heart

Cut twice deep in such an art
That merely a moment left him longer
With company of twins much the stronger

Who lived in days when elders spoke

Of twins, of foe, and other folk.
~
 144.

Creature of the darkness,

Being of the night,
Take away my freedom
And hide me from the light.

Let the things I cherish

Vanish from mine eyes.
Let the hopes I nourished
Be squandered in despise.

You are the one who owns me

For what you wish to do.
I cannot even argue;
My mind belongs to you.

You’ve taken all my strength,

And all my dreams held dear,
And covered them in a veil of dark
So they I cannot hear.

There is no independence.
There is no light of day.
My creature of the darkness,
I am yours, your slave.
~
 145.

Keeping with the times of old

And the days when I was young,

It’s hard to sit here and realize

How much I have to gain
And how much I see myself losing
As the calendar ticks off another day.

There are few words to convey

What a lifetime of wanting no one
Will do to the psyche of someone
When they are faced with the fact
That now, above all, they do.

Fewer still are the actions to show

What can only be seen
In the face and eyes of that person
When what they now want steps away,
Not to be with them again.

A wish for when life was simpler,

So that the heart could be colder.

A prayer that life could chance,

So that the heart wasn’t again alone.

A knowledge that the time is now,

That it will pass them over
Should they stand still for too long.

A hope that it never had to be.

~
 146.

Seven days and seven nights –

A week has now gone by.
I lay my head down on the bed
And picture you and I:

The way we looked and understood

The gaze from one to next,
Or how we always seemed to know
Each other’s own context.

I recall you in my dreams

The same as in my days,
Wtih skin so soft upon caress –
Fair in every gaze.

Your voice comes out like melody

From memories afar,
Often heard in deeper sleep
Or when I look up at a star.

Although the room is quiet

And the house is dark of night,
Old memories, they find me still
To shine their subtle light.

Tomorrow’s dawn may I still greet

With head and heart held high;
Still seven days and nights along,
I picture you and I.
~
 147.

Join my friend the sparrow

As he sits upon his nest,
Defending all from strangers –
Defending all his best.

Listen to him singing,

Listen to him chatter.
His home is in the tree above,
His song but pleasant laughter.

Do not disturb the sparrow now,

He sleeps upon his nest.
When daylight comes then you shall see
He’ll defend it to his best.
~
 148.

Watch the green grass grow

Underneath the willow tree
Of the pure stream down yonder.

Listen to the sparrow sing

Of love, of life, of joy.

Be one with the earth,

And one with a song,
And one to the valley below.

Let the sun shine above in the sky

And below in your heart,
To make the spring-time grow.

With song, with love, with joyness too

Let the spring-time come to you.
~
 149.

Although the crow keeps mocking me

And the blackbird sings his song,

I will not flee in terror,

Nor join the frightened throng.

When all the sparrows scurry forth

Away from feathers black,

I shall stand and face the foe

To bring the laughter back.

I will end the time of silence

That sparrows now endure,

And sing to them this song of hope –

The song of nature’s cure.
~
 150.

Striding forth into the darkness and the mountains deep,

Into the lands of spirit-dawn where creatures fear to creep,

I walk alone upon the path with head now standing high,
My ears are pricked for danger and the shadows watched by eye.

Here he stalks, the madman, and the fair one too,

For both are partners in this life where danger is its due.

Neither one shall give me harm lest spirit doth abide,

For give them strength of my fear and they’ll take it from my hide.

Yet search for them as I do and weary is the path;

The pain they’ve wrought shall endeth soon, end here by my wrath.
~
 151.

Lead the troops up to the north

And watch the tension grow.
They do not like this battleground
And are kinsmen to their foe.

When brother fights with brother

And father kills his son,
Are the ones left standing
Those who’ve truly won?

What issue is so precious

To tear a life apart,
Or give grief unto a family
To break its soul and heart?

Yet lead these men up to the north

Is something I now do.
Dear brother lead your troops not south;
I wish not kill you too.
~
 152.

Hear the crying of the babe;

His mother can’t be found.
His hunger shows in his tears
From eyes so big and round.

His stomach aches with a need

That food alone won’t sate:
His father does his job quite well,
Yet mother-needs are great.

When the babe grows to a man,

The hunger will remain,
So question now her place in life
Before he cries again.

Every man needs his mother

And this baby is the same.
The crying of the babe need stop;
Please tell the mother’s name.

May that one can now find her

In this land of beauty gold,
And remind her of her promise made –
The crying does grow old.
~
 153.

Until the pale blue moon sets over the horizon

Between the hours of night and day

(Leaving nothing but shadows among the memories

That were created in the minds of you and I

When we were both together,

Causing them to disappear as if never occurring),

Then you will always own a part of my heart and soul

As both someone I loved and someone I call friend,

For I am not one to crucify over past hurts

Nor deny what we once were,

But one to realize what we are now,

And what we will become when the rising sun
Warms the air and kills the shadow . . .

When we see each other again and smile

At the memories that once were between us.
~
 154.

Even as the day darkens

And the clouds begin to hover
Over this little plot of land
On which you and I stand,

There will never be a drop

Of the rains from high above
To wash away the tears that I cry

When I know that you are hurt

By thinking that I no longer care
For the person that you are
Or what you had meant to me.

With umbrella in hand,

I watch you walk away,

Never to turn back to see

What a wonderful rainbow
Will appear from behind the clouds
When they have been beaten by the sun,

Shining its way upon a friendship

That could be between us
In this lifetime and those to come.

Every day brings its storm,

And with each day,
I will be here,
Umbrella in hand,

Watching for the rainbow to appear

After all the clouds are gone.
~
 155.

As the pain and suffering that you feel

Come after you like a madman in the night,

Think for a moment before you throw guilt

Of what my own pain must feel like:

I, the one that is the source of yours,

The one that knows that he can relieve it
By simply telling you something you wish to hear,
But being unable to utter the words at all.

The fear comes not from what they mean,

But of what knowledge they do not,
For surely I do love you very much,

But when I am more in love with another –

No matter how hard I try to stop it –
The pain would be far worse were I to lie

And then live knowing that I cheated the truth

Than say to you what I need to say now.

It is never easy, and I pray I am right

In knowing that the pain will ease,

For I know in my own heart and soul –

I, who will hurt as you do through this –
That I am but the camouflage of shadows

To help hide the madman in the night

As he makes his way towards your tears.
~
 156.

There will come a time

And there will come a day

When the sun has begun to set

Behind the reddened waves of the sea,
Closing the chapter of another day

When you and I sit together,

Like children who have found a new friend,
Like aged ones who have known each other forever,
And talk of things that have occurred.

In that day and in that time,

The boundaries between what is friendship
And what is something akin but separate
Will have faded before our eyes
To give us a choice of what lies ahead:

Whether we are to continue as we are,

As these friends who depend on each other

For guidance and strength,

For love and warmth,
For shelter and kindness,

Or if we are to cross that line

And become what it is possible to be.
…
 In that moment of that day,
I will look at you and you at me,
Neither of us attempting to say a word
For what it is that cannot be defined,

And ask each other heart-to-heart

What it is that we wish to be
To each other as the moments pass by.

Without speaking, without telling,

We will know what it is that we want
From the simple knowledge that friends have
In that ever-complex way of theirs:

Exactly what the next moment will bring,

What the next second’s ticking shall hold,

And what the golden sunrise of the days to come,

Rising out of the misty mountains high,
Shall greet between you, my friend, and I.
~
 157.

Hear what is said as you chase away the tears

That run from reddened eyes that cry no more,

Not from the desire to stop, but the emptiness inside

That was created from years of hearing nothing but echoes

Of what those on the outside have tried to say

To explain away the hurt that you now feel.

Try to imagine that this time it will be different,

And that this time things will change for good –

Hoping that the cycle of pain has ended,

Hoping that you have chased away the emptiness

To replace it with love and kindness around you,

A kindness that causes no tears of pain,

But tears instead that come from a smile

That shines its rainbow of love, of life, and of joy.
~
 158.

Whispering to the thoughts that fill me

As I lie on my back and count the stars,
Arguing with them about the meaning of life,
The meaning of the death of all things,
And the meaning of a gentle smile
That plays across the lips
Of a women that I love.
~
 159.

What good is it to feel the love inside

That makes us the humans that we are
If one is to never fully let go of the rest,

To never enjoy the risk of a beating heart

That knows not if it will soar in the sky
Or fall into the deepest shadows of pain?

Is it not the fact of life that everything changes

In the environment around you
But for what you feel inside at that moment?

And if that moment is strong enough,

It causes you to stop and re-evaluate
All that you are, were, and are going to be.

And if that moment is stronger still,

It demands of you the choice to live
In a way in which you always have,

To ignore what you feel because it is only feelings,

Or to act upon what you perceive,
Hoping that the love will see you through.

A person can live an entire lifetime

To never truly listen to what they feel,
But only what is known – what ends shall occur.
…
 Life is risk.
Risk is about hope.
Hope is about love.

Live life, if but once if you must,

And truly feel what our hearts provide
When you wake up in the morning
To a sensation that you can’t quite explain,

But which nevertheless tells you that you are human,

That you are a person,
And that you took the risk to fall in love.
~
 160.

Flitter flutter butterfly,

Soaring softly in sky high.
Nestle near a nettle tree,
Looking like art mastery.
Watch the wind whisper by,
Then launch.
Flitter flutter butterfly:
Art of earth, flying high.
~
 161.

Secret admonitions that I make to myself

Take hold of me when I am unguarded,

Flooding my thoughts with the fear attached

That if they became known, all would change
In my world and those around me.

Friends may be friends,

And lovers may never change their role,

But the darkest romances inside

Seek to make themselves known
To the bright light of day
When I have near forgotten them.

They hope to become as true as I am,

Hope to become a part of the whole,

Instead of locked in the cell

Of a lone man dreaming his night away.
~
 162.

While I watch the plans be made

And the courses become set
For what my companions have in store,
I begin to wonder if all is as it seems.

Do all of the compasses truly point north;

Do all of the maps show each and every trail?
Does any companion leave their pots on the stove
Or a project on the drawing board,

To be left behind for some grander scheme

That they find easier to manage somehow?
If I note that this is the case,

Should I take them aside gently

Or should I let them go,
The project now forgotten,

The pots to burn as they sit unattended

In a kitchen that they may never see again?
~
 163.

Careful, now.
The baby sleeps in a soft bed,
But she still hears your steps.

Come, sit with me here,

Out of earshot for a little while.
Reminisce some of when we were younger,
Not when we were her age,
But when we first met.

Tell me again the story of your uncle,

Or that dog you used to have.

Smile for me, just once,

So that I remember why I love you so.

Stay enough for us to rest

Before the love of your life awakens
One more time tonight.

Don’t worry: she’s mine as well.

As are you, always.
~
 164.

How the years go by.

You, me, this old house of ours.

Do you remember the old couch we had

When the children were still children?

You and I would sit down,

Hold each other in our arms –

Fairly the same as we are now,

Though probably a bit less soft –
And thank the stars that the day was over?

Hardly, then, was the night ours either,

When someone would wake us with bad dreams,
Then either you and I would go comfort.

Just those moments, just like this.

Yes . . . how the years go by.
~
 165.

Living in a different world

Than the one that I knew before I met you,

I see who I was in those days

And remember in detail my dreams
Of what could have been.

Paths have crossed and joined,

Then they split in two as we said goodbye.

Forever will I be thankful for that chance;

Forever will I remember steppes we climbed together;
And forever will I look forward to the day

When our paths merge once more,

So that you change my life
As lovely as you already have.
~
 166.

Creature of the night,

A thousand stars your only light.

You make your way up towards the sun

And hope that there the day is done

Forever and on as so it can be

‘Til curtains fall and dusk be free.

In the dark, no eyes can tell

From which the greater depths of hell

Your mishapen vessel has been born

Or what reality must have torn.

Instead, the eyes will see the soul

As caring and gentle as a foal

Who wishes love could have such might

As the dark veil of the night.
~
 167.

Between the hours of night and day,

When children sleep undisturbed

And parents lie arm-in-arm,

A new wind makes its way across the land,
Its feathery softness touching each heart it passes.

Felt not by the skin but the soul,

It erodes away the hurts of the past
And carries on the seeds of future joy.

When all awake, the wind is gone,

Leaving seedlings of hope in everyone’s heart

So that they may be nurtured into dreams and realities

By the warm nourishment of love
That one feels towards another,

And by the bright light given off

By the smile of a friend they once knew.
~
 168.

When you see me standing here,

Do not start to fill with fear.

Look at the gift I bring to thee,

And realize that you need not flee.

The gift is yours to take or leave;

The choice is yours, do please believe.

My path to thee has been well-tread

By much thinking in this stubborn head.

Thus presented, so leave I will

The knowledge that I love you still.
~
 169.

I wanted to tell you from the beginning,

So you understood what I was doing
With actions seemingly erratic
And emotions even worse,

But in my own hands

I held less understanding than can be.

Emotions are undefinable except as they are,

But become based in my thoughts,
Regardless what they may be.

As now it be the case,

And later it will show to be true,
These emotions are firmly established
In both my heart and my mind.

Thus being said, and thus being true,

Let me tell you what has occurred.
~
 170.

Crystal ice and angel snow,

Rosy cheeks that seem to glow.

Single footprints left so pristine,

Morning air so fresh, so clean.

Winter days that bring us close,

For heart that’s shared is loved the most.

Breath you see hanging in the air,

Snowflakes tumbling sans a care.

Nature’s beauty giving show

With crystal ice and angel snow.
~
 171.

Granted, now, the day has come

Where darkness overtakes the sun

In a glow of red and blood moonlight,

Where eagles hesitate to give flight

For fear of things they hear afar

Beneath the plentitude of stars,

Where mothers hold their children close

And give the fire a good dose

Of brightly burning tinderwood

To stave off darkness as it should.

With saddened heart, hope fades away,

For now we say goodbye to day –

Goodbye to warmth and to light.

Hello to the darkness of eternal night.
~
 172.

It is not my intention
To drag you down with me
To the low depths in which my emotions lay,
Like some unsung section of a bard’s tale.

I watch you in your day, attempting to be happy,

And wish that you will find that happiness
Whether you choose to walk the path towards it, alone,
Or with another in your heart.

While you continue your journey to joy,

I watch from the side,
Asking not if you wish to hear
The secret yearnings of my heart and soul,
But only asking if you are happy.

My own emotions and feelings are easy enough

To set aside for another day
As long as yours are able to shine through
The rain’s accompanying clouds

And into the lower depths of daily life,

Giving mine, every once in a while,
The breath of sweet fresh air which they need
To not bring your emotions down
Any further than is already possible.

So much do I wish this be true;

So much shall I try to have it be.
~
 173.

Guarded by the firelight

On such a dark and quiet night,

My thoughts are kept to myself

And placed upon a deeper shelf

Than the ones I show at day

To keep inquiries away

As to what I am thinking
Or how my heart is now sinking

At the knowledge of what’s true

When I think of myself and you

And the interactions ‘tween the two.

~
 174.

There is a sadness which resides in one’s soul

When he learns that the person that he had wanted,
Not necessarily as a mate, but at least as companion,
Has found another that they wish to spend time with.

With no true say as to what is right nor wrong

Over the decision that the other person has made,
Other than the desire of his own heart and mind,

He can only truly allow them to do as it is they wish,

Wanting only for them to be as happy as they are,
But missing deeply the possibilities that might have been.

If he is a wise man, he will step aside and not intrude

On the other person’s freedom or sense of individuality,
For both their sake as human beings,
And his sake as a human being with a caring heart.

While there are times in his days and nights

When the morale of his heart allows the walls to lower
Enough so that he can acknowledge the dull pain within,
There are other times in his day where the pain is distant,
And he is able to forget what it is that troubles him.

In time, or so he hopes, either the ability to forget

Or circumstances in his life and in the other’s
Makes the pain disappear or recede enough

So that he is able to not think about those times

That he had once thought were all that mattered,
Or at least held goodly sway over his actions.
 Tell him so in the beginning, though,
And he will increase that time as much as is needed
To prove you wrong in what you say,

And prove him right about the amount that he aches,

For wounds of that nature are made under the skin,
And any comments brushing them are like salt,
Refreshing the fire of agony that much the more.

For in the beginning, he is at his most vulnerable,

Unable to truly cope with what he has learned
And yet taught and trained to show that he can cope,
Even if it is to the cost of his own long-term health.

While he sits there in sadness, gazing out of the window,

Leave him be for a time in his reverie,
For it is of no harm for him to acknowledge the pain
To himself in his own quiet ways.

He may simply be thinking of the person happy now,

And is finding solace in the fact alone.

Better it be by that than a drug of any kind,

Though it be known that both are addictive enough.
As his ties are cut to what he thought once was,
And his mind moves on to what presently can be
Then he will start to smile in full again.

In the beginning, though, the hurt is still there,

So let the quiet moment move on.
They may be the best remedy that he can have.

A man knows that he is not alone.

It is simply up to him to remember that.
~
 175.

Who am I but a man

Who has loved you every step of the way.

Was it not I who supported you,

When everyone else around you
Wished to see your untimely demise
With a feint step into oblivion,
Whispers of fame your only trophy achieved?

Were you not the one that came to me,

Who asked me for guidance,
Who stated their loyalty so plain,
Who would have done anything that I asked?

Where were the demands that I set forth

While I gathered the pieces of your heart,
Worn and tired it may have then been
With failure, grief, and dismay?

What kind of love did I show but genuine

Wonder at the beauty of your grace,
Wasting away as it was?

Where is the love now returned,

While you shine in the fame and fortune
Which we together sought for you to keep?

Would you have me believe in your lies

When plainly I can see them so false,
White on a dark black screen of truth?

Whore. Witch. Weakling.

Withdraw yourself from my presence.

~
 176.

In the early days of yesteryear,

When no one ‘round did want to hear
Of dangers mounting close at hand
In field and shadow across the land,

Few at all did make their way

Towards the close of this new day
When right and wrong blurred the lines
Within the soul and within our minds.

Who was to know the acts we hated

Or the thoughts we once were berated
For thinking when we were so young
Would scream so loud from our lungs

While we swung our brands of steel

Upon our foes upon the field?
A spark, catalyst, was all we did need
To hasten our plight and further such greed –

Which none would admit to another,

But was felt by child to grandmother –
In a time when things were so clear,
Those early days of our yesteryear.
~
 177.

Tonight I travel by the stars

To a place I know not where,
A place full of surprises,
Always an enchanting mystery.

As my head lays itself down on the pillow,

And my body falls asleep to this world,
My mind awakens to the possibilities
That it’s not able to have otherwise.

In dreams I talk with those friends

Of whom I don’t think I’ll see
While my body is awake to the world,

And can speak with them of many things,

Even my deepest held secrets.

At times, they even play them out,

Exaggerating those bits needed,
And leaving out those that are not,

Providing me with a focus

That does not occur in daily life.

Some times, my dreams frighten me,

For they bring to the fore
Emotions or memories I did not know,
Or perhaps did not wish to know,

And I retreat back to waking

So that I may process what I learned.
…
 Other times, they enrich me,
Inviting me to go farther into the stars
So that I can learn more,

Perhaps have a new perspective

On what it is that I have seen.

Either way, when I lay my head down,

The stars I traverse are mine alone
To both perceive and contemplate

When, in the morning, I awake

And find that I am once again in bed,

The stars above in the sky

And my deepest thoughts that much closer
Than they were the night before.
~
 178.

I can’t tell you why I fear my dreams tonight,

Why they seem to guard the gate to slumber.

I’ve caught the glimpses of what they hold,

And truly do not wish to address those issues now.

Perhaps, for some, the dealings of one’s soul

Is not that heavy of a task to undertake,
But when you have been run as raw as I have,

And not been able to draw a clear breath

So that you can begin anew in things,
It is more a burden than anything else

To have to see your worries and concerns

That you are able to minimize in the day
Played out in full when you are at your weakest
To tell them to stop what they are doing.

Far more is it appealling to be physically tired

And only be able to move slower, think slower,
Than is it to face those issues then.

So here it is that I lie awake in bed,

Not really knowing what to do with myself
Other than to watch the light outside grow
…
 And then tell you on the morrow
That my night was a good one,
And even with my swollen, red eyes,
I slept well,

Hoping that you believe what I say,

For when the issues of my dreams
Are the same ones that ask me how I am,
I can only hope.

Action has taken its own course,

And as much as I want to be done with it,

So too do I not wish to involve others,

Especially when the dreamings are of the heart,
And my emotions are of you.
~
 179.

Keeping to the old ways and paths

Of those that I have followed before,

I begin to look for clues

As to who I am and what I was
To the people that are around me
And to the person that I live with each day.

Friends have come and gone as I search

Along the paths both light and dark,
But this one person alone has stayed

To watch me through my development,

Even though it may mean change
Of all that they thought they held dear,
Of all that they had been accustomed to.

I’ve been fair and honest in what I say,

Letting them know that anything goes,
And they only admire me the more for it –

Knowing that to embrace the future,

One must let the past have no hold
On what you say or even believe.
…
 It is to this person that my search holds
As more important than anyone else,

For to lose sight of their trust

And what it is that they hold in me
As far as being healthy and happy
Is something that I dearly wish not to do.

As it is with my search through the old,

So it be with my promise to that person,
Always there as a constant,
Never changing, even as life itself always will.
~
 180.

Leaving my emotions to the wayside,

I travel underneath the elm groves
And the whites of the apple blossoms
To the place of inner truth and harmony,
Knowing full well that as soon as I leave,
My emotions will return again in my life,
Causing commotion, be it large or small.

And yet it is that small amount of time

That allows me to take breath again
And rest from the burden of my heavy load
As I walk throughout my life’s paths.

No one emotion can be hand-picked

And set aside from the others that I have,
For within each is there shadow of all,
And as such to have one, one needs all,
Thus my weight is increased the more.

The tiny breaks allow me to adjust them,

See what is lacking, perhaps heavier in part
Or even lighter than it should be.

Hard it is to carry a full load throughout life,

Harder still to carry an unbalanced one.

With a glass of cool, clear water in hand,

I sit underneath the elm and apple trees,
Watching the breeze play along the leaves,
Filling my lungs with a sweet, unhampered breath
Which renews me in my time without cares.

So precious such times can be.

~
 181.

Simple plentitudes and exotic tones

Carry forth from a den of imagery

Towards the horizon’s gentle arch

And sway from complete incoherence

Into knowledge and understanding

Of what might be on that glorious morn

When the evening of forgetfulness dies

And the daytime of awareness ensues

To enwrap the boldness of activities abound,

So simply exotic though they may turn to be.
~
 182.

Listen as the wind whispers

Through the barley fields below,
Like a lover’s soft caress
Across the skin of that
Which she holds most dear.

Try to understand the power

That can be related
In the emotions so gently displayed
To all that watch on,

Yet has its own meanings

To those that are involved.

Feel the wind sigh in quiet contentment

At what it is able to do,
While also the solemn promise
Of what is yet to come,

With the slight bow of the barley itself,

So like a nod of the head
To smile and acknowledge
The words left unsaid between them.

Watch the dance throughout the day,

And listen as it continues to night:
The lover as she whispers from above
To her mate, the barley below.
~
 183.

Given that each one of us

Has tried in his or her own life
To live through the pain
That occurs when love dies out,

And that each of us has survived

(At least as much as can be said:
Some of us with a heavy heart
And others now with bright joy),

You can understand what it takes

To tell you all of what it is
That I feel that I must do
In order to save what I see
As a dying breed in this world.

Be it as it may that some of you

Will want to argue against it,
It is still an action that I will take

In order to both see it through

And also see through the promise
That I made to myself so long ago:

Simply to be true to what I knew

And what I saw as worth saving.

To this end and to the other,

I raise my cup to you all,
And begin to tell my tale.
~
 184.

Who am I?

I am the bringer of change

Into a land of never-ending.
I am the purveyer of tranquility
In a world of constant chaos.

I am the essence of all evil,

Intent on destroying that which is good,
And the soul of all kindness,
Wishing to soothe what others have wrought.

I am a vessel of discord,
Disrupting harmony in any and all,
Yet I am a pillar of strength,
Helping to keep established that which I can.

I am a man who knows no bounds

Of what is decent and proper action.
I am the the reminder of all things
That are truly decent and polite.

I am the son of all the gods,

Brought here to live amongst mere men.
I am the descendant of rats,
Leeching my existence from all of humanity.
…
 I am a lover to all
Who wish to be loved,
But a companion to one
Who I wish to give love.

I am myself;
In a world of passing mirrors,
It is I who truly stay who I am,
And not what others believe me to be.

In that vision of self,

I can be as bold or meek
As the occasion brings out,
For no two events are ever the same.

I have depth unimaginable

In what knowledge and care I hold,
Yet I can be naïve and cold
All in the same instant.

I am the human animal,

Full of raw emotions out of control,
With no true path to guide them
Out of the savagery which they be.
…
 I am the human spirit,
Filled with an intelligence unscaled
And a love for all things great and small,
For all that is soft and gentle.

I am merely who I am,

Never letting go of that base reality,
Never losing touch of where I am,
Where I came from, or where I go.

To some people, I am all of these things.

To others, I am but a few.
I am even the same to two people,
Be it on a different day or time.

With all of these things, I come to you,

With a heart open to your judgement,
A soul open to your care,
And a world of endless opportunity.

With each of these, I bring life,

And with each of them I bring some death,
For even with happiness,
Some things must fade away.

I bring no true promises,

Neither of wealth or prosperity,
Other than what I wish to provide
With my own two hands.
…
 I wish to serve you,
To give you a world of rest and relaxation.
I wish to contest you,
To give you the challenge needed to grow.

I wish to touch your heart,

In a way that you almost touch mine,
A way that brings a smile to my lips
And gentle moisture to the eyes.

I long to hear your sweet voice,

Be it in argument or in laughter,
For each are dear to the tree of love,
One the rain, the other the sun.

I wish to caress your softest of skin,

Smell the breeze through your hair,
See the world reflected in your eyes,
And know true joy through the essence of your heart.

I wish for all of these,

Yet I demand for none,
For the free spirit that you always have been
Is the most important aspect of all.
~
 185.

Hear the nestling chirp in its nest;

Its mother is off to search for food,
And its father is away, defending himself.

They do not know of the queit fear it feels

As it waits for them to return to it,
Other than comparative memories
Of when they themselves were so young.

The world is a frightening place to live

When you haven’t your wings to fly,
And need depend on the kindness of others
For your very existence and health.

Even the sky, so sapphire blue when warm,

Grows cold and distant in the night
The bright lights fading to small pinpoints.
Never do you truly know if they will return
And give way to morning and noon.
…
 How much does the nestling wish to fly,
For the mere sense of such freedom is great,
Yet not great enough to overcome the fear
Of the winds’ sway of such high branches,
Or what might lie in wait down below.

Calling out to its parents, those it knows,

It sings a timid song all recall:
“I am here! I am here!”

And so, too, do we feel the sympathy,

Knowing all too well the emotions of the cry,
Hoping that someone will remember

That even when we are in our nests,

We are here, and we wish to learn to fly.
~
 186.

Rain falls down from the clouds above

Like the tears do from my eyes,

Soft and gentle at first,

Cool to the touch of hot skin,
So like the warmed earth on a summer’s day.

Bringing with it a sense of tranquility,

It makes no noise other than its path,
As do the tears in the evidence upon my cheeks.

Quicker now it comes, but in spurts only,

Clouds passing this, my place,
And leacing small waves of soothing water.

Each drop gives new life to what it touches,

Cooling down the baked earth
As my emotions are satiated, for a while.

Rain long enough, and the earth itself chills.

Making each drop from above warmer
Than that which it hits below.

The clouds, tiring of the showers the bring,

Run out of the fuel that they are made of,
Until, in the end, the rain passes on,
And the earth below lies in silence,

Only the sound of water soaking into roots –

As the tears of my sadness soak into my heart –
Give it reprieve from the daily sunshine
That my emotions push it through.
~
 187.

Cross the great divide

That separates those that are human
From those that are humane

And learn of the love and laughter

That can be created from all
That is the life which you lead,

The path which you tread,

And the bridge that you build
With your own gentle kindness.
~
 188.

Until the day of darkness

When the sun will not return,
Until the eve of sorrows,
Where candles sadly burn,
Until the longest night
As shadows spread like fern,

The foes we fight will perish,

Like flames upon the sand;
The foes we fight will suffer
Our heavy-hitting hand,

For though the day is bright

With jokes and laughter ‘round,
And though the day is sweet
With love and care abound,
And though the day is warm
With the sun’s light on the ground,
…
 The enemy has made their camp
Across the mountains high,
And the enemy has made their plans
To kill us all or die

So that the land we treasure

Will be theirs, then, to prize,
So that the hopes we gathered
Will then be taken from our eyes.

And, to try our lives to suffer

From their hands this day,
They hope to take that which we never
Thought would go away:
They wish to take our sunshine
And bring forth the darkest day.
~
 189.

Within the soul, one can find

The deepest secrets of the mind.

So far from the surface that they be,

The holder may ne’er try to set them free

To be known to even themselves,

Only to hang there on a shelf,

Collecting dust through the ages,

Gaining cobwebs through life’s stages.

Many secrets act this way,

But few, indeed, see light of day

And make their way up to the top,

For something else makes them stop

Before they are even found,

These deepest secrets, now trapped and bound.
~
 190.

Travel to the shadows north

Which spread across the land,
Into the highest courtyard
And, aye, the smallest hand.

Destroy the source of it all

Before it has its way,
Before the laughter of them all
Begins to fade away.

This path of stone is steep

And filled with danger high,
But the one that is brave enough
Can climb the top – or try.

I’ve watched many a soldier

Walk away from here,
None of them quite knowing
That their death was quite so near.

I’m warning you before you go

That their fate may too be yours
If you wish to save us all
And become of hero’s lores.

Not a lot will grieve you,

And no one will command
An army to avenge you
When you try to cleanse this land.
~
 191.

Do you see it as it comes?

Can you watch it draw near?
This is the time of day
That many do hold dear.

The moon is still in blossom

And the stars are reigning high,
But they’re beginning their descent
From the evening sky.

The birds are all excited,

And people’s dreams are done,
For a new day is just starting;
A new dawn has begun.
~
 192.

They say that I am majestic,

That my wings glitter like gold
In the warmth of an evening sun
Which has just begun to sink
Below the hills across their meadows.

They say that I am terrifying,

That my talons are as sharp
As the finest of insults
Which spill from a child’s lips
And are heard by the target,
Scarring them for years to come.

They say that I am a scholar,

That my learnings of past and present
Rival the combined knowledges
Of all the grand libraries around
In both the way the world is
And the way that the mind wishes it to be.

They say that I am a fiend

Against all that is civilized,
Brandishing my fiery breath
Upon anything that is human
Or that seems to defeat my pride.

They say that I am vermin;

They say that I am the gods’ own.
I know what it is that I am.

For all that is holy and blessed,

And all that is cursed and besieged,
I am dragon.
Leave me be.
~
 193.

From the beginning of the mornings

Until the deepest of the nights,
I sit and watch the dragons
As they soar into the heights.

Some are small like kittens,

And as playful can they be.
They swirl throughout the air
In a circus just for me.

Others, now, they’re the ones

Whose wings can block the sky,
Yet always are they wanton
To please the passer-by.

With scales both great and small

That shine like noon-day flare,
They present themselves like peacocks
To have their beauty shared.

And as I watch the sun traverse

Its path among the skies,
So, too, are the dragons watched,
And their joy before my eyes.
~
 194.

The passage of time

Seeps into these bones
Of my tired and weary body,

Like the ocean’s salty waters

Soak into the white sands
That have been there forever and a day.

Slowly, the trusted abilities

That I had gathered when young
Start to fall deftly from my hand,
As if snatched by a master thief.

While my mind continues to race

Over what my possible options are
Regarding how to spend my time,

Time itself grows shorter,

Less available than it was before.

Even now can I sense

The curtain threatening to close
With the coming dusk each day,

Pondering aloud and silently

Whether I shall open my eyes
To greet another wondrous sunrise,

Or allow time the final act

To let me become one with its ways
And peacefully rest for all of eternity.
~
 195.

Dreaming now, I see you

Passing by me in the street;
Your long hair is the color
Of freshly turned soil,
So rich and brown it can be.

Your smile carries forth

From the full tenderness of your lips
Across the sun-touched cheekbones
And into eyes of a shade
That touches the heart as it does the soul.

With what feels a clumsy smile,

I try to return the kindness
That you have bestowed upon me,
The gift to see such joy in you
That shall never truly be repaid in full.

As I begin to turn to you

And call you out by name –
A name as heavenly as your smile –
The mists of darkness sweep around you,
To be broken by the cracks of light
Which shine through my window pane.

Looking down at your sleeping form,

I rest my thoughts contentedly,
For even dreams may have some base
In the wonderful reality that can be.
~
 196.

I kneel down to retrieve

A broken bit of blue stone
That seems to have been chipped
From the main ore that contained it,

And am transported in time

To a place full of vivid memory,
Of emotions without end,
And of life without pause.

The sound of laughter

Fills my ears to the brim

As the tears of sadness

Repeat the act with my eyes
When I recall each intimate act
That had been played out.

Shaking my head softly

To return my awareness back
To the land which is the present,
I pocket the pebble and move on.

Perhaps, some day,

I may find the main ore again
From which the pebble fell,

And return it with as much care

As any one person is able to achieve.
~
 197.

Sing now all the angels

That stand up in the sky
To a song of hope and dreams,
Their voices carried high.

Their wings are made of silver;

Their gowns are made of white.
Their eyes and hair a multitude
Of colours to the sight.

The notes of their song

Reach down into the earth
As the softest of the rain
Or a wind with larger girth.

Followed by the chorus

Is a song from down below
Of the men and women
Whose dreams begin to show

A land that’s filled with caring

And peace that never dies
From all the singing angels
That stand up in the skies.
~
 198.

How can you make me feel like this,

With this growing fear that I have within me,
As deep as my soul can be anchored,

And growing like the double-edged leaf

Of an ivy plant attached to the red bricks
That make up a centuries’ old building?

Can it be that there is some arcane power

Which you wield over my entire being
From the existence of those pleading eyes
Or the silky forgiveness of your trembling lips?

Is it that you find me worthy of taking

Out of the quiet world which I once knew –
And relished with reckless abandon and naïvety –

And into one of chaos, aftermath, and turmoil

So that I can truly find what is living life,
Loving life as complete and full as any passion can,

Or simply coasting through in a milky-white dream

From which I would not have broken slumber
Had you not noticed me there and reached out?

Why did you do it, to choose me,

Above all others that you could have found,
And shown me such power, such dawn of ideas?

I can never go back to what I was, now.

I wish, at times, that I could.
~
 199.

Give to me a state of being

Which rests higher than any moral
And farther than any stretch of truth;

Where man and woman cease to be,

But instead may be together as all;

Where day turns to evening,

And evening turns to dusk;

Where value and expenditure balance,

Yet rock, yet agree once again.

Give to me a state of knowing

That for those precious moments
Which seem to last forever,
We are one joyous cycle of being,

Of give, of take;
Of love, of living.
~
 200.

Granted, now, the time has come

For my work to come undone.

The cloth has been a treasured thing,

But now the thread’s unravelling.

Strands of red, yellow, white;

Bits of blue, silver bright;

The brown of wood, green of trees:

The untold shade of memories.

The time to weave it has been fun,

But now, my friends, it comes undone.
~
Copyright 2009 Peter E. Allen