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    The House Husbands' Handbook
    The House Husbands' Handbook
    The House Husbands' Handbook
    Ebook159 pages1 hour

    The House Husbands' Handbook

    By Peter Willems

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    About this ebook

    "...Peter decided to tackle the job of a 'House Husband', and found it to be a truly daunting role. Rather than admit defeat, Peter rises to the challenge and makes more than a success of his new home life. Fortunately for others out there, he also decided to put together this 'manual' of pithy thoughts, common sense and self-help. The House Husbands' Handbook is easy to read (with a very readable layout), earnest, and packed with relevant information for any dad changing from paid work to equally challenging stay-at-home work. Recommended reading." - Jeremy Fenton - Word on books.

    "When I began this role in supporting my partner’s employment, managing our home, and being the primary carer for our young children, I faced many unexpected challenges. I decided to document my journey to assist other dads, and also to give women valuable insights into the world of a 'Stay-at-Home Dad'. I have discovered that there are unique attributes a man can bring to full time parenting. It was my experience that 'switching roles' with my better half improved my relationships with my children and my partner. I trust that you will benefit from reading about my journey, the lessons I learned, how I learned them, and importantly, enjoy a bit of humour along the way." - Peter Willems - Author of 'The House Husbands' Handbook'.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPeter Willems
    Release dateNov 22, 2012
    ISBN9780987422811
    The House Husbands' Handbook
    Author

    Peter Willems

    When I began the role of supporting my partner’s employment, managing our home, and being the primary carer for our young children, I faced many unexpected challenges. I decided to document my journey to assist dads, and also to give women valuable insights into the world of a 'Stay-at-Home Dad'. I have discovered that there are unique attributes a man can bring to full time parenting. It was my experience that 'switching roles' with my better half improved my relationships with my children and my partner. I trust that you will benefit from reading about my journey, the lessons I learned, how I learned them, and importantly, enjoy a bit of humour along the way."

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      Book preview

      The House Husbands' Handbook - Peter Willems

      The pen is mightier than the sword.1

      If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.2

      back to top

      Why I Put Pen to Paper

      For many years, I had the privilege of raising our young children as the primary caregiver. I managed our home, and supported my partner as the breadwinner for our family. I am an Australian dad with an earnest story to tell and some life lessons to share. Over the years, I have pursued careers in the construction industry, the retail sector, and more recently the Defence department. There has been plenty of variety in these roles, but none was as challenging or as fulfilling as being a House Dad.

      There was a time not so long ago that House Dads were rare. However in today’s society, it is becoming more common for men to find themselves at home in the traditional care-taking role. US Census Bureau data shows that in 2007, stay-at-home dads made up approximately 2.7% of the nation's stay-at-home parents. This is triple the percentage from 1997. According to the 2009-10 Family Characteristics Survey, in Australia... (about) 4% of couple families with dependent children have a stay at home dad3. To cash in on the new trend, Australia's Channel 9 recently aired a new TV series called Househusbands. They have just announced a second season following the ratings success, and this was the most-watched show on television on Sunday nights.

      At the start of my career as a House Dad, I searched for written support for men in my line of work. I turned local libraries and bookstores upside down, but unfortunately, my search for a book by a 'House Dad' was unsuccessful. I did find some great books about fatherhood and parenting and these helped in some ways. However, I found no books that dealt specifically with the unique challenges I was having as a man at home full-time raising kids.

      A few months later, a teacher from a local high school asked me to speak at an 'alternative careers' day. He invited me to the school to share my story and experiences as a 'House Dad'. During that day, I and other men presented our stories to hundreds of teenage boys. Of the men present, there was a receptionist, a preschool teacher, a personal secretary, a nurse, and a bunch of other men in careers traditionally dominated by women.

      The point of the exercise was to demonstrate to these students that when they enter the workforce, they do not have to feel restricted in their career choices. They could choose to be a 'House Dad' for example, and their partner could go out and earn the money. This alternative careers day was a good idea, but for me, no matter how I presented my career as fulfilling, interesting and important, there was nothing I could say, that would convince these young men, that changing dirty nappies was something to aspire to.

      The Defining Moment

      At the end of that day, over a cup of coffee, I was speaking with the teachers about how uncommon it was for a man to be the primary care-giver. I told them how difficult it was to find a guide or handbook designed for men in this role. I wanted a book written in a practical way to help me. They all agreed that there was a need for someone to write a book about what it was like for a man in my career. Then one of them turned to me and simply said, Why don't you just write one yourself? Before I knew it, I had a room full of teachers encouraging me to write this book.

      I could think of many reasons why not to write it. At the top of the list was that I believed I did not have the time or energy to write a book. I was raising three children under six and I was exhausted every day. However, the teachers persisted and made very good arguments for me to just start documenting my experiences and see what happens. They insisted that someone just had to tackle the issues. So I decided to just give it a go and put pen to paper.

      The next day I began to write this book. After five minutes, I had to stop because our baby woke up from her nap. Later that night I had another crack at it but did not get far. At that time, she was still waking up during the night for feeds. I stopped writing and went to bed to get much needed sleep. The next day, my eldest daughter had found my notepad and decided to help by scribbling crayon all over the pages. So I put my notepad with all my scribbles up high out of reach of the children.

      What I soon learned was that I had to make sure my eldest daughter did not see where I put things. In my mind, I had put my notepad out of reach. In her mind, it was only out of reach while I was in the room. Where there is a will there is a way, and she had the will and understood the concept of stacking and climbing; more scribbles magically appeared. I was learning my lessons fast, and over the next five years, I found some time here and there to document my journey and share it with you.

      The Book Layout Explained

      This book is written in hopefully a manner that is easy to digest, with lots of small chunks of information separated into general themes. These themes chronicle my journey and the journey that many House Dads take. The books layout is influenced by the way I collected information for the book. In between changing a nappy, or daily chores, an insight worth sharing would cross my mind. I would scribble it into a notepad or onto a scrap bit of paper. I then added the paper to a large collection in shoeboxes.

      During the five years that I was working on this book, I collected hundreds of these pieces of paper covered with terrible penmanship that I later had to decipher. I separated the book into short paragraphs and chapters. If you are a parent, you will most likely be interrupted a lot while trying to read this book. With that in mind, I have kept everything as brief as possible and designed the layout as 'man-friendly' as possible. At the end of most parts, I also give a summary of hints, tips, and key points.

      Chapter 2 - How hard can it be?

      It is harder to lead a family, than rule an entire nation Chinese Proverb

      It is much harder to lead a family, without a dishwasher Willems Proverb

      back to top

      And So it Begins

      I entered this line of work with little warning or preparation. After 4 years of 5 to 6 days a week employment, (most often not home until after dark), I found myself unemployed and unsure of my future. Due to an injury I was recovering from, I had some limitations on my employment options. For financial reasons, my partner or I had to find work quickly.

      We discussed our options and she decided to try to re-enter the paid workforce. She had already carried out a 4-year tour of duty at home, and although she loved being a mum, she also wanted to get back to a career outside the home. We decided that whoever found employment first would take it, and the other would stay home with the kids.

      The next week she applied for a job in a company supporting people with disabilities. She aced the interview, secured the job, and was very excited about starting her new career. Then she began to write me a huge list of what to do and what not to do for the housework and for the everyday care of our children. I was happy that my partner had found employment, but at the same time, I was feeling nervous and uncertain about what I was in for as the full-time parent at home.

      I can remember my partner’s first day at work as if it were yesterday. She was frantic, running backwards and forwards preparing for her first shift. She was reciting myriads of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ to me. Actually, she was mostly telling me the don'ts like; Don't boil the milk in the kettle, Don’t leave Joel alone with scissors, Don't leave Belinda alone with marker pens. I was inundated with ‘directives’ and I had no chance of remembering all the instructions.

      In my mind, I thought I had always helped with the children. I had taken as much of an active role as possible throughout the years. I thought I knew what caring for children was all about. I could feed the kids, do the shopping, and use the vacuum cleaner. At that moment, I felt all of my partners concerns were unnecessary. It is not as if I was a complete novice at taking care of the household, doing the cleaning and looking after our kids. I told her not to worry, saying confidently, How hard could it be?

      How hard can it be?

      Those were the very words I used on that day. In response to my enlightened comment, my mischievous partner raised one eyebrow, gave the 'I know something you don’t know’ grin, and spoke to me in a tone that can only be described as ominous, You do not have a clue what you are in for. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. She got into the car, turned the ignition on, and drove to work for her first day of what would become a successful and fulfilling career.

      So there I was, wearing an apron and a puzzled look on my face.

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