», Ina nutshell, why are love and _slovers so fickle? . You can take this all the way back » to the child in us, say Elaine tfield et al. in “A New Look at Love.” Psychoanalyst John Bowlby describes how a 2-year-old checks that Mom is WWJ nearby before he sallies forth, having los interest in her. But should she disappear © for a moment, it’s a different story — panic and agitation. OF course, once she returns, he’s off ) again. ( Sound familiar? When we meet some- "| one who can buffer us from life’s frustra- -. & tions and tribulations, we are relieved, ‘and glow in love. ‘ But once we become really secure, we ~*~ top focusing on what we have —securi- * ty — and start longing for what we don’t have — excitement. “Obviously, the child remains in all of \ | us. Often it’s when we’re most secure in our loving relationships that we find our minds wandering to castles — and lovers — in Spain.”