Mind Visions
1Mind VisionsBy Peter ShepherdContentsIntroduction 21. Invalidation 22. Co-Dependence 43. Suppression 64. Criticism 85. Whose Responsibility? 106. Reconnecting with the Past 157. Our Resource of Pleasure 168. Thought - Feeling - Action 189. Overcoming Our Fears 2010. Letting Go 2211. I Wish I Hadn't Done That! 2512. Self-Esteem 2813. Creating Self-Esteem 3314. Changing Your Mind About Yourself 3515. Improving Your Relationships 3716. Reactive or Response-able 4017. The Why & the Lie 4218. Turning Problems Into Challenges 4519. Difficult Times 4820. Self-Remembering 5121. Why People Behave As They Do 5722. False Beliefs 6223. The Power of Affirmations 6424. Look in the Mirror 6725. Creating Your Reality 7226. Making Your Vision a Reality 7827. Finding Out Who You Are 8128. Body, Mind & Spirit 8529. Learning from Our Experience 8930. Mind Visions 93What’s Next? 96Copyright Ó 2003 Peter ShepherdTools for Transformationwww.trans4mind.comDistributed by the Free Spirit Centre2Introduction'Mind Visions' is a personal growth home-study course written by PeterShepherd. Each lesson may be read and practiced, over hours, days or weeksas you need. At any time you can take your studies to greater depth by buyingthe 'Living Consciously' and 'Meta-Programming' courses, which includeunlimited personal email support. Details of these and other Tools forTransformation courses are included at the end of this document.Mind Visions is intended to help you become more clear about your ownidentity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to consciouslytransform your life for the better. You will learn how your beliefs shape yourTools for Transformation - http://www.trans4mind.com
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Mind Visions
life experience and become aware of exactly how you are creating your reality.Each of these lessons includes a practical element that you can apply duringthe week, so your life can genuinely start to improve and you make realprogress toward manifesting your vision.The first lessons are about finding yourself and becoming whole. One of thefactors that causes fragmentation of your identity - who you think and feel youare - is invalidation, which happens when you feel made wrong by another'scomments or actions.1. InvalidationWhen you act according to the will of another person and suppress your ownwishes, you have identified a part of yourself with the other person. You havelet them into your mind, as your master. You have become fragmented. One ofthe main ways this comes about is through invalidation, or 'making wrong'. Ifsomebody says your effort was 'not good enough' or that you 'shouldn't havedone that', then you start to question yourself. You begin to introspect andask, 'Is there something wrong with me?' When another person wronglyevaluates or misunderstands your communications or your state of mind,naturally this is upsetting. It means the other has not understood you. Yourenthusiasm wanes. You may accept this false evaluation - perhaps because ofthe authority or dominance of the other person. If you ignore your own feelingsand believe they must be right, you begin to follow their will, not your own. Apart of you has identified with the other person and split from the real you. The you that is responsible for your choices.This very commonly occurs with children, where they take on thecharacteristics of their parents. It is also very frequent in relationships whereone partner adjusts to match the other's expectations. And of course ithappens at work too. When our goals are suppressed by another - howeverwell meant - it is eventually life destroying. Negative evaluations (personalcriticisms, opinions) by another especially at times of stress can cause extremeupset.3Practical: How to handle invalidationsThere are many and various ways you might have been put-down by othersand as a result agreed to have less power. You need to look again at whathappened and ask yourself:1. What choices did I make? Consider:a. What did I decide about myself ?b. What did I decide about the other person or other people?c. What did I choose to think?d. How did I choose to feel? What emotion did I choose?e. What did I choose to do?f. How did my choices affect my behaviour going forward?2. What other choices could I have made? And what might the effect of each ofthose choices be?3. What positive learning can I get from this experience?You always have choices. If a mugger threatened you with a gun, you have thechoice not to give him your wallet. He might have killed you or given up andrun away. But you had the choice. You may have chosen to give him yourwallet, which may have been wise. But you never have to do anything against your will. You can always choose.Following is a list of ways you might have been invalidated in the past, or itTools for Transformation - http://www.trans4mind.com
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Mind Visions
may be happening to you now. For each question that applies to you, gothrough the procedure above and see what you can learn from this experience,and what part of yourself you can reintegrate.Did anybody say you don't have a right to your opinion?Did anybody criticize you unjustly?Did anybody make an unfair generalization about you?Did anybody tease you?Did anybody make you feel insignificant?Did anybody tell you that you shouldn't be there?Did anybody tell you that you don't belong?Did anybody tell you that you couldn't leave?Did anybody force you to follow their rules?Did anybody trick you into an agreement?Did anybody judge you?Did anybody make you do something you didn't like?Did anybody decide things for you?Did anybody take away your ability to choose?Did anybody bypass you or take away your job?42. Co-DependenceSometimes we put aside our true self and instead exist from the position ofbeing effect. We may be involved in relationships and work situations we knoware harming us, but we feel helpless to change them. We may have addictiverelations to people and situations. We must have what is harming us, or wemust do what (we really know inside) is harming us. We are co-dependent.One may be addicted to a relationship if one feels ashamed and thereforeneeding to propitiate - or if one fears abandonment, being rejected or beingalone and therefore forced to be independent. But these feelings aresuppressed, hidden from ourselves. Co-dependence is really emotionaldishonesty, because we are suppressing our true feelings and substitutingthose of another. We lose our integrity and are stuck on our spiritual path. Itneeds dealing with!Do any of the following apply to you?Do you depend on somebody else's approval?Do somebody else's problems feel like your problems?Do you put aside your interests for another person's?Do you feel responsible for another's feelings?Do you feel you can't say no, or very guilty and anxious if you do?Do you worry how another may respond to your feelings and behaviour?Do you fear being hurt or rejected by another?Do you put another's needs and wants before your own?Do you judge things by another person's standards?Are you steadfastly loyal even when shamed, neglected or abused?If so, spot the co-dependence and take responsibility in that area - reclaim your own choices. (You can change the following questions to the presenttense if appropriate.)1. What choices did I make? Consider:a. What did I decide about myself ?b. What did I decide about the other person or other people?c. What did I choose to think?d. How did I choose to feel? What emotion did I choose?Tools for Transformation - http://www.trans4mind.com
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