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Seven Reasons Women Stayin Abusive Relationships(And How To Defeat EachOne of Them)
by John Shore
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Table of Contents
Reason #1: The Challenge of Having to Create aNew Self Image pg. 3Reason #2: Fear of the Unknown pg. 6Reason #3: Fear of Embarrassment pg. 11Reason #4: Replaying Your Family’s Old Tapes pg. 19Reason #5: You Love the Lovable In Him pg. 32Reason #6: How Could He Be So DifferentFrom You? pg. 34Reason #7: He Lies pg. 36 Two Women Write In pg. 38Christian Leaders: For God's Sake, StopEmpowering Wife Abusers pg. 43
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Reason #1: The Challenge of Having toCreate a New Self Image
You know how when your driver's license expires, you put off goingto the DMV for so long you practically end up on "America's MostProcrastinating"? And why do you so resist getting a new I.D.?Because, pleasant-wise, it ranks right up there with getting your haircaught in an egg beater. And that's just getting a new card identifying who you are. How much more painful is it to acquire an
actual new identify?
A new identity is what a lot of women think they're going to have toassume if they force a break-up with their man. In their heart of hearts, many women believe that initiating and securing apermanent separation from their former Mr. Right meansirrevocably transmogrifying from the Selfless Conciliator they'vealways been, to a Selfish Terminator they never imagined themselves being. Whether via nurture or nature, a lot of women identify themselves asUplifting, Self-Sacrificing Healer. Their understanding of who they are is deeply vested in their fulfillment of the role of dutifuldaughter, supportive mate, loving mother. They're the ones to whomothers turn for comfort and counsel. They heal. They support. They sustain. They forgive. They sacrifice. They reconcile. They ... well,take to the role of Emotional Martyr like Flipper takes to water. Which in a great many ways is certainly a beautiful thing. Where would any of us be if none of us knew how to put others first?But you take a woman whose identity is inextricably bound up withher self-image as a Sacrificing Giver, put her in the position of
really
having to choose between herself and the man to whom she once
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