Sweeney Todd

Partial Script

Act 1, Scene 1

Ballad of Sweeney Todd

Sweeney: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd. His skin was pale and his eye was odd. He shaved the faces of gentleman who never thereafter were heard of again. He trod a path that few have trod. Did Sweeney Todd. The Demon Barber of Fleet Street..

Anthony: He kept a shop in London town. Of fancy client and good renown. And what if none of their souls were saved? They went to their maker impeccably shaved. By Sweeney.. By Sweeney Todd. The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Chorus: Swing your razor wide, Sweeney! Hold it to the skies! Freely flows the blood of those who moralize..

Toby: His needs were few, his room was bare. A lavabo and a fancy chair. A mug of suds and a leather strop; an apron, a towel, a pail, and a mop. For neatness, he deserved a nod. Did Sweeney Todd. The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Female Chorus: Inconspicuous Sweeney was, quick and quiet and clean he was. Back of his smile, under his word, Sweeney heard music that nobody heard. Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned, like a perfect machine he planned,

Male Chorus: Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle. Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle.

(Repeat both x4)

Chorus: Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeeeeeneeeey!

Sweeney: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

Chorus: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd! Sweeney: He served a dark and a vengeful God.

Chorus: He served a dark and a vengeful God!

Sweeney: What happened then, well thats the play, and he wouldnt want us to give it away Not Sweeney. Not Sweeney Todd.

Chorus: The Demon Barber of Fleet.. Street!

End Scene.

Act 1, Scene 2

No Place Like London/Barber and His Wife

Anthony: I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders. From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru. But theres no place like London! I feel home again.. I could hear the cities bells ring, whatever I would do.

Sweeney: No theres no place like London.

Anthony: Mr. Todd, sir?

Sweeney: You are young. Life has been kind to you.. You will learn. It is here we go our separate ways. Farewell, Anthony. I shall not forget the good ship, bountiful. Or the young men who saved my life.

Anthony: No, theres no cause to thank me for that, sir. It wouldve been a poor Christian, indeed, whod have spotted you pitching and tossing on that raft, and not given the alarm.

Sweeney: Theres many a Christian that wouldve done just that, and not lost a winks sleep.

Beggar Woman: Alms.. Alms.. For a miserable woman? On a miserable, chilly morning.. Oh, thank you sir! Thank you! How would you like a little muff, dear? A little jig-jig, a little bounce around the bush! Wouldnt ya like to push me parsley? It looks to me dear, like youve got plenty there to push! Alms Alms.. For a pitiful woman.. Whats got wonder and wits.. Hey!! Dont I know you mister..?

Sweeney: Must you glare at me, woman? Off with you!

Beggar Woman: Then how would ya like to split me muff? Mister, well go jig-jig! A little

Sweeney: Off I said! To the devil with you!

Beggar Woman: Alms.. Alms.. For a pitiful woman..

Anthony: Pardon me sir, but theres no need to fear the likes of her. Shes only a half-crazed beggar woman. Londons full of them.

Sweeney: I beg your indulgence, boy, my mind is far from easy. For in the once familiar streets, I feel a chill of ghostly shadows everywhere. Forgive me.

Anthony: There is nothing to forgive.

Sweeney: Farewell, Anthony.

Anthony: Mr. Todd, before we part..

Sweeney: What is it?

Anthony: I have honored my promise never to question you. Whatever brought you to that sorry shipwreck is your affair and yet, over many weeks of our

voyage home, I've come to think of you as a friend, and if trouble lies ahead for you in London, if you need any help...or money.

Sweeney: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit and it goes by the name of London. At the top of the hole sit the privileged few, making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo turning beauty to filth and greed... I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders, for the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru but there's no place like London!

There was a barber and his wife and she was beautiful... a foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason for his life... and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous. And he was naive. There was another man who saw that she was beautiful... A biased vulture of the law who, with a gesture of his claw removed the barber from his plate! And there was nothing but to wait! And she would fall! So soft! So young! So lost and oh so beautiful!

Anthony: The lady, sir Did she succumb?

Sweeney: Oh that was many years ago.. I doubt that anyone would know. Now leave me, Anthony. There is somewhere I must go. Something I must find out. Now, and alone..

Anthony: But surely we will meet again before I am off to Plymouth?

Sweeney: If you want, you may find me Around Fleet Street, I shouldnt wonder.

Anthony: Well then, see you later Mr. Todd.

Sweeney: Theres a hole in the world like a great black pit, and its filled with people who are filled with shit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it..

End Scene.

Act 1, Scene 3

The Worst Pies in London Poor Thing

Mrs. Lovett: *gasp* A customer! Wait, whats your rush? Whats your hurry? You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost! Half a minute, cant you sit, sit you down, sit! All I meant is that I havent seen a customer for weeks! Did you come here for a pie, sir?

Do forgive me if me heads a little vague. What is that? But youd think we had the plague. From the way that people, keep avoiding, no ya dont! Heaven knows I try, sir. But theres no one comes in even to inhale. Right you are sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them.. These are probably the worst pies in London. I know why nobody cares to take them. I should know, I make em, but good? No! The worst pies in London.. Even thats polite, the worst pies in London. If you doubt it, take a bite

Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it. Its nothing but crusting. Here drink this, youll need it. The worst pies in London. And no wonder with the price

of meat! What it is, when you get it. Never thought Id live to see the day. Mend think it was a treat! Finding poor animals, what are dying in the streets.

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop. Does a business, but I noticed something weird. Lately all her neighbors cats have disappeared. Have to hand it to her, what I calls enterprise. Poppin pussies into pies! Wouldnt do in my shop! Just the thought of its enough to make ya sick! And Im telling you them pussy cats is quick!

No denying times is hard, sir! Even harder than the worst pies in London! Only lard and nothing more, is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty! It looks like its molting, and tastes like Well pity. A woman alone.. With limited wind. And the worst pies in London! Ah, sir.. Times is hard. Times is haaaaard!

Mrs. Lovett: Spit it out dearie. Go on, on the floor. Theres worse things than that down there..

Sweeney: Is that a room above the shop there? Times is so hard, why not rent it out? Should bring in something.

Mrs. Lovett: What, that? People wont go near it. They think its haunted. You see, a couple years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice.

There was a barber and his wife.. And he was beautiful. A proper artist with a knife. But they transported him for life. And he was beautiful Barker his name was.. Benjamin Barker.

Sweeney: Transported, you say? What was his crime?

Mrs. Lovett: Foolishness.. He had this wife, ya see. Pretty little thing, silly little nit, had her chance for the world on a string. Poor thing. Poor thing. There were these two, ya see. Wanted her like mad, one of em a judge, other one is Beadle. Every day theyd nudge and theyd wheedle. Still she wouldnt budge from her needle.

Too bad. Pure thing. So they merely shipped that poor blighter off South, they did. Leaving her with nothing but grief and a year old kid. Did she use her head even then? Oh no, God forbid. Poor fool. Ah, but there was worse yet to come, poor thing.

The Beadle calls on her all polite, poor thing! Poor thing! The judge, he tells her, is all contrite. He blames himself for her dreadful plight. She must come straight to his house tonight! Poor thing! Poor thing! *pause* Of course when she goes there, poor thing, poor thing, theyre having this ball all in masks. Theres no one she knows there poor dear, poor thing. She wanders tormented, and drinks, poor thing.

The judge has repented, she thinks, poor thing. Oh where is Judge Turpin? She asks. He was there alright! Only not so contrite! *pause* She wasnt no match for such craft, you see. And everyone thought it so droll. They figured she had to be daft, you see. So all of em stood there and laughed, you see. Poor soul! Poor thing!

Sweeney: NO! Would no one have mercy on her?

Mrs. Lovett: So it is you? Benjamin Barker?

Sweeney: Not Barker. Its Todd now. Sweeney Todd. Where is she?

Mrs. Lovett: Oh, so changed! God, what did they do to you down there in bloody Australia, or whatever?

Sweeney: Where is my wife? Wheres Lucy?

Mrs. Lovett: She poisoned herself. Arsenic, from the apothecary around the corner. I tried to stop her, but she wouldnt listen to me.

Sweeney: And my daughter?

Mrs. Lovett: Johanna? Hes got her.

Sweeney: He? Judge Turpin!?

Mrs. Lovett: Adopter her like his own! You could say it was good luck for her.

Sweeney: Fifteen years of sweating in a living hell, on a trumped up charge. Fifteen years of dreaming that, perhaps, I might come home to a loving wife and child. Let them quake in their boots! Judge Turpin and the Beadle! For their hour has come!

Mrs. Lovett: You gonna get him? You, a bleedin little nobody of a runaway convict, dont make me laugh! Youll never get his high and mightiness nor the Beadle, never in a million years! Hey, have you got any money..? Listen to me! Have you got any money?

Sweeney: No money..

Mrs. Lovett: Well, how you gonna live, even?

Sweeney: Ill live.. If I have to sweat in the sewers, or in the plague hospital, Ill live. And Ill have them!

Mrs. Lovett: Ya poor thing.. Ya poor, poor thing. Wait! See? It dont have to be the sewers or the plague hospital. When they come for the little girl, I hid em! I thought, who knows, maybe the poor bloke will be back some day and need em! Crack in the head, wasnt I? Times as bad as they are, I coulda got 5 maybe 10 quid for em any day. See? You can be a barber again!

End Scene

Act 1, Scene 4

Green Finch and Linnet Bird Johanna

Johanna: Oh! And how are they today?

Bird Seller: Hungry as always, Ms. Johanna!

Johanna: Green finch and linnet bird, Nightingale, blackbird, how is it you sing? How can you jubilate, sitting in cages, never taking wing? Outside the sky waits,

beckoning, beckoning, Just beyond the bars. How can you remain, staring at the rain, saddened by the stars? How is it you sing anything? How is it you sing?

Green finch and linnet bird, Nightingale, blackbird, How is it you sing? Whence comes this melody constantly flowing? Is it rejoicing or merely halloing? Are you discussing or fussing Or simply dreaming? Are you crowing? Are you screaming? Ringdove and robinet, is it for wages, singing to be sold? Have you decided it's safer in cages, singing when you're told?

(Anthony Enters)

Johanna: My cage has many rooms, damask and dark. Nothing there sings, not even my lark. Larks never will, you know, when they're captive. Teach me to be more adaptive. Green finch and linnet bird, Nightingale, blackbird, teach me how to sing. If I cannot fly, let me sing

Anthony: I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders. From the pearls of Spain, to the rubies of Tibet. But not even in London, have I seen such a wonder

Beggar Woman: Alms.. Alms.. For a miserable woman. Beg my pardon, its you, sir! Thank your, thank your, kindness..

Anthony: Oh, one moment, Madam. Perhaps you know whos house this is?

Beggar Woman: There? Oh, thats the great judge Turpins house, that is.

Anthony: And the young lady who resides there?

Beggar Woman: Why thats.. Johanna. His pretty little ward. But dont you go trespassing there, young man! Not if you value your height! Tamper there, and its a good whipping for you! Or any other youth with mischief on his mind..

Anthony: I feel you, Johanna. I feel you.. I was half convinced Id waken, satisfied enough to dream you. Happily I was mistaken, Johanna. Ill steal you, Johanna.. Ill steal you.

Judge Turpin: Johanna?

Johanna: Oh dear!

Judge Turpin: If I see your face again.. On this or any other neighbor street, youll rue the day you were born. Is that plain enough speaking for you?

Anthony: But sir, I swear to you, there was nothing in my heart, but the most respectful sentiments.

Judge Turpin: Dispose of him.. You! To your room!

Beadle: You heard his worship. Anthony: Friend, I have no fight with you.

(Beadle breaks birds neck.)

Beadle: Get the gist of it? Friend? Next time itll be your neck!

Judge Turpin: Johanna.. If I were to think that you encouraged that young rogue..

Johanna: Dear father, I hope always to be obedient to your commands.

Judge Turpin: How sweet you look in that light, Muslim gown..

(Johanna screams and runs off.)

Anthony: Ill steal you, Johanna! Ill steal you.. Do they think that walls can hide you? Even now Im at your window. I am in the dark beside you.. Buried sweetly in your yellow hair. I feel you, Johanna.. And one day, Ill steal you.. Till Im with you, then Im with you there! Sweetly buried in your yellow hair!

End Scene

Act 1, Scene 5

Pirellis Miracle Elixir

Toby: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Do you awake every morning in shame and despair, to discover your pillow is covered with hair? What ought not to be there? Well ladies and gentlemen, from now on you can awaken at ease! You may never again have a worry or care, I will show you a miracle marvelous-rare! Gentleman you are about to see something what rose from the dead! On the top of my head!

Twas Pirellis Miracle Elixir, thats what did the trick sir, true sir, true. Was it quick sir? Did it in a tick, sir. Just like an elixir ought to do! How about a bottle mister? Only costs a penny, guaranteed.

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir, 'tis unique. Rub a minute. Stimulatin', in'it? Soon you'll have to thin it once a week! Gently dab it. Gets to be a habit. Soon there'll be enough, sir, somebody can grab it. See that chap with hair like Shelley's? You can tell hes used Pirelli's!

Chorus: Let me have a bottle, make that two!

Sweeney: Pardon me, maam, whats that awful stench?

Mrs. Lovett: Are we standing near an open trench?

Toby: Buy Pirellis Miracle Elixir, anything whats slick sir, soon sprouts curls. Try Pirellis, when they see how thick, sir. You can have your pick sir, of the girls! Wanna buy a bottle, miss?

Sweeney: What is this?

Mrs. Lovett: What is this?

Sweeney: Smells like piss.

Mrs. Lovett: Smells like-? Ewww!

Sweeney: This is piss; Piss with ink!

Toby: Let Pirellis activate your roots, sir.

Sweeney: Keep it off your boots, sir. Eats right through!

Toby: Get Pirellis. Use a bottle of it, ladies seem to love it!

Mrs. Lovett: Flies do too!!

Toby: (fast) See Pirelli's Miracle Elixir grow a little wick, sir, then some fuzz. The Pirelli's soon'll make it thick, sir, like a good elixir always does!Trust Pirelli's if your hair is sick, sir, fix it in a nick, sir, don't look grim. Just Pirelli's Miracle elixir, that'll do the trick, sir!

Chorus: What about the money?

Toby: If youve got a kick sir!

(Simultaneous) Chorus: What about the money? Where is this Pirelli? Go and get Pirelli!

Toby: Tell it to the mixer, of the miracle elixir. If youve got a kick, sir!

Chorus: What about our money? Where is this Pirelli?

Toby: Talk to HIM!

Pirelli: I am Adolfo Pirelli, the king of the barbers, the barber of kings, E buon giorno, good day. I blow you a kiss! And I, the famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know-a, who has-a the nerve-a to say.. My elixir is piss! Who says this?

Sweeney: I do. I am mister Sweeney Todd. I have opened a bottle of Pirellis elixir and I say to you that it is nothing more than an errant fraud.

Mrs. Lovett: Phew, hes right! Better to throw your money down the sewer!

Toby: Ladies and gentlemen, pay no attention to this man!

Sweeney: And furthermore, senor! I have serviced no kings, yet Ill wager I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank. You see these razors?

Mrs. Lovett: The finest in England!

Sweeney: Ill lay them against five pounds, you are no match for me. Do you hear me, sir? Either accept my challenge, or reveal yourself.. A sham.

Pirelli: These are indeed fine razors! Instruments like this, once seen, cannot soona be forgotten. *laughs* you wager these against-a five pounds?

Sweeney: I do.

Pirelli: HA! You hear this-a foolish-a man? Watch and see how he will regret! Five pounds, it is!

(Shaving Scene.)

Pirelli: Sir! I bow to a skill far greater than my own.

Sweeney: The five pounds..

Pirelli: Here sir.. And may the good Lord smile upon you! Until we meet again. Come boy! A buon giorno! A buon giorno!

Mrs. Lovett: Whod have thought, dear? Ya pulled it off.

Male: Oh Mr. Todd, sir, do you have an establishment of your own?

Mrs. Lovett: He certainly does! Mr. Todds Tonsorial Parlor above my meat shop on Fleet Street.

Beadle: Mr. Todd! Strange, sir But it seems your face is known to me.

Mrs. Lovett: Him? Oh, thats a laugh! Him be my uncles cousin what arrived from Birmingham yesterday..

Sweeney: And it is already I have heard Beadle Bamford spoken of with great respect.

Beadle: Well sir, I try my best for my.. Neighbors. On Fleet Street? Above your pie shop, maam?

Mrs. Lovett: Thats right, sir.

Beadle: Then Mr. Todd, you should surely see me there before the week is out.

Sweeney: You will be welcome Beadle Bamford, and I guarantee to give you, without a pennies charge, the closest shave you will ever know

Male Chorus 1: Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned, like a perfect machine he planned.

Male Chorus 2: Barbing the hook!

Male Chorus 3: Baiting the trap!

Male Chorus 4: Setting it up for the Beadle to snap.

Chorus: Sly and quiet, Sweeney did. Set a sort of a scene, he did. Laying the trail, showing the traces. Letting it lead to higher places! (x3)

End Scene Act 1, Scene 6

Wait.

Beggar Woman: Alms Alms

Mrs. Lovett: Oh, how many times must I tell you? Ill not have trash from the gutter hanging round my establishment.

Beggar Woman: Not just a penny, dear? Or a pie!? One of them pies that give the stomach cramps to half the neighborhood!? Come on, dear. Have a heart, dear.

Mrs. Lovett: Off with ya! Or Ill give ya a kick in the rear end thatll make your teeth chatter.

Beggar Woman: Alms Alms

Mrs. Lovett: Its not much of a chair, dear, but itll do until you get your fancy new one. Oh, its kinda bare, isnt it? I never did like a bare room. Well, well soon fix it up with some nice little knick-knacks.

Sweeney: When will Beadle Bamford come? Before the week is out, thats what he said?

Mrs. Lovett: Yeah, but who says the week is out? Its only Friday.

Sweeney: God!

Mrs. Lovett: Easy now, hush love, hush. Dont distress yourself, whats your rush? Keep your thoughts nice and lush. Wait. Hush love, hush. Think it through. Once it bubbles then, whats to do? Watch it close. Let it brew. Wait. Ive been thinking flowers, maybe daisies, to brighten up the room!

Dont you think some flowers, maybe daisies, might relieve the gloom? Ah, wait. Love, wait

Sweeney: And the judge!? When will I get him?

Mrs. Lovett: Cant you think of nothing else? Always brooding away on your wrongs, what happened heaven knows how many years ago! Slow, love, slow.. Times so fast. Now comes quickly, see now its past! Soon well come, soon well last. Wait Dont you know, silly man. Half the fun is to plan the plan. All good things come to those who can wait.

Gillyflowers, maybe? Stead of daisies? I dont know, though. What do you think?

Sweeney: Yes.

Mrs. Lovett: Gillyflowers, Id say. Nothing like a nice bowl of gillies.

Sweeney: Anthony?

Anthony: Mr. Todd! Oh, I have paced Fleet Street a dozen times with no success. But now, the sign. In business already? Well, I congratulate you! Oh and uh--

Mrs. Lovett: Ah, Mrs. Lovett!

Anthony: Oh, its a pleasure maam.-- Mr. Todd, I have so much to tell you! I have found the fairest, and most loving maid that any man could dream of! And yet there are problems For she has a guardian so tyrannical, she is kept shut up from human eye. But now, this morning, this key, fell from her window. A surest sign that Johanna loves me.

Mrs. Lovett: Johanna?

Anthony: Oh, thats her name, maam. And uh, Turpin, the abominable parent, a judge it seems but a monstrous tyrant. Mr. Todd, once the judge has gone to court, Ill slip into the house and plead with her to fly with me tonight! Yet when I have her, where can I put her until I hire a coach to speed us to Plymouth?

Mrs. Lovett: Bring her here, dear!

Anthony: Ohh, thank you. Thank you, maam! Oh, I have your consent, Mr. todd?

Sweeney: The girl may come.

Anthony: Oh, I shall be grateful of this to the grave! But I must hurry now! For surely the judge is off to the old bailey! Oh thanks, a thousand blessings on you both!

Mrs. Lovett: *laughs* Johanna! Whod have thought it? Its almost like fate! Youll have her back here before the day is out.

Sweeney: For a few hours.. Until he carries her off to the other end of England.

Mrs. Lovett: Who? Oh, that sailor boy? Oh, let him bring her back here, dear. Then thats the throat to slit, dear. Oh, well make a lovely home for her, we will. Oh, think of all those years without a scrap of motherly affection! Well Ill soon change all that, I will, because if ever there was a maternal heart, dear, its mine.

Pirelli: Good-a morning, Mr. Todd! Bellisima, senorina!

Mrs. Lovett: Oh how dyou do, Senor, Im sure.

Pirelli: A little business with Mr. Todd, senora, perhaps if youll give me-a permission.

Mrs. Lovett: Oh yes, indeed, Ill just pop down to my pies. Oh look! Look now, he doesnt look like hes heard a kind word since half-past never! (speaking to Toby.) What would you say son, to a nice juicy meat pie, eh?

Toby: Yes, maam.

Mrs. Lovett: Why, you come with me, love. I hope your teeths strong!