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5 Little Known Secrets for Saving Yourself From an Abusive Relationship

5 Little Known Secrets for Saving Yourself From an Abusive Relationship

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Published by Jed Diamond
"I read your book and I believe my husband is suffering from irritable male syndrome and male-type depression. He’s angry all the time and blames me for everything that is wrong. He calls me names, yells at me, looks at me with such hatred, I want to disappear. He’s never hit me, but I’m afraid of him.

"He totally denies that there are any problems with him. When he gets mad he calls me a bitch and a lot worse and tells me I’m crazy and should be hospitalized.

"His beliefs get reinforced by his family who also denies that there is anything wrong with him, though they’ve seen how angry and abusive he can be. They tell me that he wasn’t depressed before he married me so it must be me that is the problem.

"I love my husband with all my heart and I want to get him the help he needs. I know that he must be suffering. If he would just acknowledge the problem I’m sure we could work things out. Can you help me get through to him? SL.

I get calls and e-mails regularly from women who are sure their partner is suffering from irritable male syndrome. They describe, in detail, his irritability and rage. They often tell me that he’s been verbally or physically abusive. Most go on to tell me that they love their husband and want to do everything they can to help him so that they can return to the kind of good relationship they remember having before he got IMS.
"I read your book and I believe my husband is suffering from irritable male syndrome and male-type depression. He’s angry all the time and blames me for everything that is wrong. He calls me names, yells at me, looks at me with such hatred, I want to disappear. He’s never hit me, but I’m afraid of him.

"He totally denies that there are any problems with him. When he gets mad he calls me a bitch and a lot worse and tells me I’m crazy and should be hospitalized.

"His beliefs get reinforced by his family who also denies that there is anything wrong with him, though they’ve seen how angry and abusive he can be. They tell me that he wasn’t depressed before he married me so it must be me that is the problem.

"I love my husband with all my heart and I want to get him the help he needs. I know that he must be suffering. If he would just acknowledge the problem I’m sure we could work things out. Can you help me get through to him? SL.

I get calls and e-mails regularly from women who are sure their partner is suffering from irritable male syndrome. They describe, in detail, his irritability and rage. They often tell me that he’s been verbally or physically abusive. Most go on to tell me that they love their husband and want to do everything they can to help him so that they can return to the kind of good relationship they remember having before he got IMS.

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Published by: Jed Diamond on Sep 24, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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12/27/2012

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5 Little Known Secrets for Saving Yourself from anAbusive Relationship
By Jed Diamond, Ph.D.Contact:Jed@MenAlive.comWeb: www.MenAlive.com
Chapter 2: Why Do I Need to Save Myself Before I Can Rescue the Relationship?
 Dear Dr. Jed,I read your book and I believe my husband is suffering from irritable male syndromeand male-type depression. He’s angry all the time and blames me for everything that iswrong. He calls me names, yells at me, looks at me with such hatred, I want todisappear. He’s never hit me, but I’m afraid of him. He totally denies that there are any problems with him. When he gets mad he calls me a bitch and a lot worse and tells me I’m crazy and should be hospitalized. His beliefs get reinforced by his family who also denies that there is anything wrong with him, though they’ve seen how angry and abusive he can be. They tell me that hewasn’t depressed before he married me so it must be me that is the problem.I love my husband with all my heart and I want to get him the help he needs. I knowthat he must be suffering. If he would just acknowledge the problem I’m sure we could work things out. Can you help me get through to him? SL.
I get calls and e-mails regularly from women who are sure their partner is sufferingfrom irritable male syndrome. They describe, in detail, his irritability and rage. Theyoften tell me that he’s been verbally or physically abusive. Most go on to tell me that
 
they love their husband and want to do everything they can to help him so that they canreturn to the kind of good relationship they remember having before he got IMS.I shudder when I get these kinds of letters. I have no quarrel with their desire to helptheir man and to rescue their relationship, but I do have concerns about their prioritiesand the focus of their attention. Too many of these women remain in abusive, sometimesviolent relationships, focusing their attention on helping
him
before thinking abouthelping
themselves.
I imagine myself reaching through the airwaves and shaking them.“Don’t you know that you can’t help him or help the relationship until you first helpyourself?” I want to tell them.Irritable Males Become Addicted to RageWhen we talk about addiction, most people think about drugs like heroin or cocaine.Addicts are seen as people who have little self-respect and can’t control their behavior.But having worked with addictions for more than 40 years, I have a broader view. I believe that people can become addicted to anything that can bring feelings of well-being,however short-lived, or can provide relief from pain, no matter how temporary.With this understanding we can see how people can become addicted to gambling, pornography, the internet, other people, or strong emotions. All of these behaviors cangive people feelings of pleasure or well-being or can provide relief from pain or unhappiness.Let’s first take a look at how men can become hooked on rage. Most people confuserage with anger. John Lee, author of 
The Anger Solution
, says “Rage is as different fromanger as night is from day, as applies are from orangutans. Anger is a feeling andemotion. Rage has the ability to cover other feelings, but it is not a feeling or emotion in

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