The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not
been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world,
so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark
because Noah built the ark, which the
animals came to in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson was a strong man who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they
made unleavened bread, which is bread without any
- The Egyptians were all
drowned in the dessert.
- Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount
Cyanide to find the ten commendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
- The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not
- Moses died before he ever reached
- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the
battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who
lived in Biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.
- Then the three Wise Guys from the east
arrived and found Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an
- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule,
which says do one to others before
they do one to you.
- He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat
- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed Jesus were called the 12
- The epistles were the wives of the
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached the holy
acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
- A Christian should have only one spouse. This
is called monotony.