In Pursuit of Youth and Perfection Through the Zen Ideal of Emptying (Or: How To FindHappiness By Selecting the Right Cell Phone Plan For You) Hot Zen Mommas know where it’s at finding pleasure in just the right moment, which for them is always now; accessorizing with just a touch of guilt and a belly-ring made of licorice; smiling at some cute guy whose vow of poverty doesn’t quite extend to his newCingular cell plan with unlimited text messaging and free colonoscopy phone withdownloadable auto emoticon drivers that anticipate your every mood whenever texting,saving you the very need to experience anything.“Composting and ride sharing are one thing,” he tells the Hot Zen Momma, “But beinguncool is just so lame.” I might as well be storing weapons of mass destruction in my pants, I tell them at which point both of them stare at my crotch and imagine a codeOrange alert. She snaps a picture of his bio-diesal VW Jetta and they hop into the back seat for a quick blow job, then they split vowing to keep fighting the good fight, plugging in anddropping out at the local Starbucks and like double shots of expresso, set out to energizetheir 9,000 plus friends at their MySpace account, detailing plans of personal regimechange, overturning paradigms not even dreamed of yet. I think of MySpace as wandering around a cemetery, silent with all the noise. On thedownside, MySpace is a haven for all those sexual predators but on the upside: there is allthat sexual prey.The revolution will not be televised but it will be optioned off for pay-per-view alongwith a premier of The Sopranos: The Musical. “Oh Tony we hardly knew yathough your cheatin’ wife won’t screw ya Now your soft and old wishing for more,Longing for the days of Pussy Galore” No, the revolution will not be televised nor will it be coming to a mall near you. Bass – how low can you go? Death Row what brother Bush know when he went lookingfor weapons of mass deception. Misled by the news my ass – it was all there in black andwhite but pump up the bass if it makes you deaf and shake all that junk in your trunk.Dance like friggin' I-Pod silhouette: vibrant, hip, potentially violent. Text me you love me.Text me that everything will be all right.