2004 birželo 24d. (thursday).

5.25 am. Woke up & msread th time on my w@ch on th desk nxt 2 thbed & hav had a showr. Found a slip of ppr in th back pockt of me trouzrs wth th words of a song onit. I rmmbr now I put it in whn I listnd 4 while 2 a sssion of songs from a prtkulr rgion on a s@urdy. He-re they r :

oi seniai seniai pas motule buvau, / vai ir užėlė cie vieši kelaliai žaliu žolali // vaiaisiu aisiu, žaliu žoly minsiu / aš pas sovo radnuju motuly viešnagėn aisiu. // oi, motulamano, oi širdela mano, /rinkai, rinkai man jaunai berneli ir neišrinkai // oi dukrela mano,oi viešnela mano, / vaikščinėjai kožnan kermošėlin, raikėj išsirinkc. // motula mano,širdela mano, / jauna buvau, menkas razumėlis, raikėjo patarc. // žalia rūtelė pilkam purvely, / o aš jauna, motulės dukrelė, dzidzam vargely….

4.30. Vaidas iz workn on a 5 ftwoodn skulptura kalld BOBA (old womn); Miglė iz drawin; th dog (Mirta (blongnn 2 Tony Mushroom (c‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p9)) iz huntn 4 fleas mung her teats; Brigita iz w@chn Vai-das work; I had adip in th spring fed watr of th Šešuola (rvr) bordrn th SODYBA. Got here x bus (ddnt hear fromKAaRlAgZiIsJA) 2 Ukmergė & then a minor bus 2 th gravl road th@ kums 2 wthn O 1 or 2 k of here.Az I woz → long th gravl road & then th wheel track † th meadows in flowr (many violntly blu-e) shftnth heavy suitkase ← 1 shouldr → uthr (kould c th chmny wth th stork on th nst ← a long way) itseemd 2 me I had cn many such scenes of a lone man → (mayb 2 his home vllage) in films. I wozglad th 3 or 4 bslutely blotto drunks (sum uthrs smelt of akrid alhokol (like metho) th way guys do whntheyv bn drnkn 4 days & then dry out 4 a few hours (from alhokolik sweat)) ddnt get out wth me @ thisol8d roadside bus stop Jienušiške. I spent O 2½ hrs in Ukmergė whr I sor a chrch wth a litho flag init (ystrdy I spottd 1 in a side chapl of th ARKIKATĖDRA-BAZILIKA in Vilnius). I hav dcided th@ whnth@ hppns I nvr step nside it gain. L8r I nearly

sh@

meslf. Th groggn on & bad livn haz wreckd meguts or mayb I hav a bug. Th toilt in a 1 room (typkl) bar woz in use & I made th mstake of rfusin 2 pa-y 3 Lt 4 a taksi 2 th bus st8n whch woz nly 10 mns walkn way & then I had th mergncy & yes! it woz areal mergncy (like I rmmbr from childhood & Montaigne tells us 2 keep in mind th@ they happn 2 sai-nts & kings & very wize peopl) & I had 2 duck

B-HIND

th nearst hedge (1 metr from th footpath (in thmain street (9/10/04. l8r (c ‘Vilnius → Melbourne’) I learnt th@ in soviet daze it uzed 2 b kalld VladoŽviblio g. ftr Vaido unkl)) & barely got th daks down & woz skrabbln 4 me toilt roll (bottm of my lrger day pack)) & it all gushd out @ th same time az I sor th side wndows of th shop I woz nxt 2 wer looknstrght out @ me in th shrubbry. This woz a speed job & it may not hav bn kompletd I thght & @ th busst8n toilt (of th

SHITHOLE

style whr it lso ssumes u hav your own ppr so make sure (very, very sure)2 lways karry sum) whr u squat (or ½ st& - not sure of th best teckneek) low if u dont want 2 eyeballyour nghbr I nspktd me pants & ndrpants & thght I woz mayb gunna hav 2 b sittn & stnkn nxt 2 sum1in th bus (th@ goes Kaunas → Molėtai) but it wldnt hav m@rd koz of th alhokol fumes. Cest la vie.Early in th mornn wth th streets mpty whn I woz goin → bus st8n in Vilnius I woz lookn (wth me biggr day pack on & pulln me suitkase) @ me map & a yth drssd in black kame 2 ask if I needd nythn (I sp-ose he thght I woz kumn not goin) & he turnd out 2 b a

TOUT 4 STRIP KLUBS

(etc) & his fathr hadmurdrd his muthr whn he woz 2 but he lso died soon aftr so he woz an orphn (500 Lt / month if u r st-udyn) & turfd out of skool koz he woz a problm kid @ 15 & he had no pprs & woz proud he had pickdup sum nglsh livn on th streets etc but his litho woznt much bettr & he would soon get a passprt butwoz fraid of → uthr kuntries 2 try gain (no skills) & though wiry hiz h&shake woz strong & I ddnt takeout my booklt 2 take down th nfo koz I ddnt want 2 b like a journo (lso I hav rlized I kannot uze th ka-mra bkoz such an akt & @itude nvolvs a dstancin of yourslf from th bjekt (rektn a barrier)) & I trustdhim (lso gave him 1.30 Lt) & it bkame pparnt 2 me he wantd a listnr not a 2rst. He sed it woz tuff on thstreet not like in uthr kuntries (he mght b wrong) & he ddnt like th work he woz doin but he had nuthnin Šiauliai, not evn a friend, whch woz whr he woz ←. I do not like his chances 4 th future & I wishdhim well & I meant it & he wishd me well & whn I woz 20 yards way he kalld out thanks & wishd megood luck (LAIMĖS) & I hav 2 stop meslf from kryin az I write. He iz smart & he iz strong & I think hemay kill sum1 1 day bkoz thr iz 0 4 him. He iz 18. I think he kan b saved nly x a persn.

2004 birželio25 d.

Iv bn way a munth.

Kan th FUTURE b known? 2 ask th ? iz lready 2 make a gram@kl (in thWittgenstinian sens) mstake & then u get trappd x knots of meanns : bkoz w 4get th@ in its4m8n th not-knowin iz part of th shapin of th word FUTURE

(9/10/04.

xept when w predikt kons-

quences (ie rptitions) of preznt evnts eg. nght kums ftr day (astrnmkl etc)).

W 4get th

BEGINNINGS

(Plato?) & then get trappd in konfusions. If w knew th future w wldnt need

THE WORD

– it would me-an w wer travlln ← 2 th start. Ystrdy evnn me & Vaidas → SENKAPIS (barrow-mound – 4 xpln8n read‘Lord of th Os’) @ th nd of th propty & ↑ thrgh lush wet grass 2 th top 2 whr † (biggr than th rginl 1) izrektd probbly x hiz gr&fathr. @ th bottom w wer sprized 2 find ½ duz plastk kontainrs mung th weeds4 shieldn kandl flames from wind. 1 plastk bottl (like a beer (2 ltr plastk) or koke bottl kut in ½) haz abunch of flowrs in it whch r not fully dried out yet. Hoo iz doin it? Brigita suggstd Miglė ask Tony & Mil-da Mushroom whn sh goes ovr thr 4 our fresh milk (strght ← th kow) if its thm. (I kan hear a woodpckr so Im goin 2 get me bnoklrs & c if I kan spot it : thr wer 2 of thm & I got a real good look. They r thVidutinis Genys (

Dendrocopos medius

)). On th mound thr iz lso a sgn on a small cemnt post : LIE-TUVOS TSR VALSTYBĖS SAUGOMAS ARCHEOLOGINIS RIMEISIU SENKAPIS (litho SSR govt.prtektd rklogikl Rimeisiu ncient burial site). L8r x th LAUŽAS (fire) whch w light very nght w drankSAMAGONA (or SAMANĖ az Vaidas kalls it bkoz he reckns th taste may kum ← moss but what Idrank @ Laimas (c ‘Vilnius (no.2)’ p8) had green grass in it) a home brewd fire-watr. (I kan hear thu-ndr). This mornn I got up much earlier (Brigita & Miglė r still sleep, Vaidas haz made us a koffee) thanth rest & made me way down th track thrgh a field of tall white, blue & smallr yllow & purpl (long rollnpeel of thundr) flowrs (voidn th fresh dirt from the mole Os) 4 a full mmersion in th freezn watr of thŠešuola. (Its rainn). I had a good nghts sleep & m pulln meslf (ddnt w all whn w wer kids) 2gethr fromth nhealthy (I chanced 2 run me h& → me neck a few days ago & it woz greezee az if I had put sunt-an lotion on (I woz showrn very day) from all th cepelinai (aka DIDŽKUKULIAI – my ozzie readrs (Zo-rca) will b ntrstd 2 know) & uthr foods in oily sauces I had bn eatn) livn I had bn leadn in Vilnius. (suniz out, humid, long rolls of thundr, Vaidas iz chizln) …. (th yng storks (2 of em) r out st&n on th edge of th nest (on the chmny) & testn their wings) … (got a sweat up mowin grass wth a DALGIS (LITOV-KAin russian 2 dstnguish th strght h&ld litho scyth from th kurvd handl of th ropean 1)) … (thrgh th middlof th day (got a tremor in me h& from th mowin) I woz tryin 2 rmmbr th words of a song O mow-in Iused 2 sing & it kame back 2 me :

Pabėk bareli / Galan valako (x 2) // O kad nelėgsi / Mes pavarysim (x 2) // Mes paprašysim / Kieman brolaliu (x 2)// Kad padėtu pavaryti / Mūsubareli (x 2))

…. (went 4 nuthr look @ th senka-pis & †† & sor a Kiauliukė (

Saxicola rubetra

)) ….(Geltonoji starta (

Emberiza citrinella

))….

2004 birželio 26 d

My guts r th konsstncy of meltd chokl8& I nearly had an akcdnt gain this mornn. Ill hav 2 get sum ‘angliuku’ (charkoal) tablts, whch iz thunivrsl kure 4 all gut & dgstion problms here. Sham-eful vdnce of my kondtion iz vizbl in th pit toilt & Intnd 2 karry a ½ roll of toilt ppr wth me on all kkas-sions. Its 9.00 am. Ystrdy Brigita found out fromMilda Mushroom (Grybas; & w found 1 2 put in th soup 4 2nght) it iz they hoo put kandls in front of th† on th SENKAPIS on

ŠVENTŪJU

(all saints) day & th@ kkordn 2 very1 in th

ٱ

th site woz uzed az aburial gO (whch would xplain th bones Vaidas used 2 find in an roded part whn he woz a kid) 4soldiers & childrn durin th war but no1 knows any1 hoo lies buried thr or haz cn a burial.

I prayd @ th† ystrdy bkoz I sspkt I mght b part of a large skema of things (orgnzm?) & wthn it I 1td 2 assrt(I mean x havn aktd (& only 2 th@ xtnt) in th same way), howvr nadqu@ly, my soldarity wth thGrybas (Tony Mushroom iz a bit of a drunk) famly hoom I dmired so much (c ‘Melbourne –Kaunas’ p9) whn I woz here b4.

It iz much koolr 2day & rainn. Pity koz I would hav liked 2 get stuckin2 th mowin…. B4 Brigita & Miglė had wokn up Vaidas sed lets go 2 th Ukmergė (31/9/04. here iz thntry on my gr&fthr from the litho Oopaedia (Vol xxxv, p374) publshd in Boston, USA :

“ Žižys Juozas(1864 Žeimiu k., Deltuvos vls., Ukmergės aps. – 1946 Kaune) knygnešys. Nuo 1885skleidė liet knygas Ukmergės, Vilniaus ir Utenos aps. Per jo rankas vienas Aušros nr. pateko ir A. Smetonai, kuris tuo laiku mokėsi ir gyveno Ukmergėje viename kambaryjesu Ž. broliu Jonu. Kaip knygnešys nuo 1936 gavo pensija. Būdamas vyriausias brolis, jisišleido i kunigus du jaunesnius brolius : Jona Ž. (m. 1902), talkinikavusi knygnešio darbeir veliau klebonavusi Latvijoje Livanio mstl., ir Simana Ž (1879-1931). Visi trys jo sūnūsbaigė aukštaji moksla : lituanistas Jonas, Juozas ir aviacijos kpt. Inž. Vytautas Ž (1911 – 63 Australijoje.”

) markt but 1

w stoppd 4 a wheel lignmnt bkoz th kar woz pulln really hard 2 1 side& u kould feel a wheel wobbln. Thn he kouldnt get th kar startd & th larm would swtch on whn he

turnd on th gnition. In th nd he spent 140 Lt 4 rplacin 2 sets of wheel bearins, 1 tyre, gettin a wheelbalnce & lignmnt & havn th lektrikls fixd. We spnt most of th day killn time. In th markt a guy offrd a 1gear bike u would pick up in Melbourn 4 nuthn 4 100 Lt. L8r w sor a br& new 1 dvrtized in th ppr 4100 Lt. It means th@ wth his long hair Vaidas iz bein taken az sum1 from ovrcs. Litho kars (klappdout 2

h& 1s from germny) dont like me az its th 3

1 2 get in2 trubl while Iv bn in it. W passd nuthr PAMINKLAS (mnmnt, gravestone) outlt. Vaidas sez they koncentr8 on mrriage & death here. Thmrriages of10 fail but th deaths nevr do. My fathr told me vllage womn sumtimes would hav their koffnready in dvance & would dress up & lie down in thm 2 tst how they mght look 4 th big kkasion. YstrdyMilda woz on th verge of tears whn sh rkountd how her aunt hoo woz 1 munth short of 100 whn shwoz buried last week had askd in her will (& saved up xtra muny 4 it) her koffn b fetchd from her home 2 th chrch x a priest but he had rfuzed th nusual rquest. Az me & Vaidas wer sttn in a bar typklof Ukmergė (I sor 3 such th day b4 ystrdy) konsstn of 2 small tabls & 4 bench seats in a room no <my lounge in Ivanhoe wth 1 nd ⁄d off x th bar a large guy stung us 4 20c x sttn ↓ nxt 2 me wth a lot of

IBITVAIMAT

BLAT

n &

YOPTVAIMAT

n az he told a story O how he lost a wllt wth 50 Lt in it wh-chhe wld hav uzed 2 x us a beer but he woz only askn 4 1 beer etc, etc. Sor nuthr guy down a ½ ltr of beer (in plastik kontainr) in 1 gulp a la Bob Hawke. → O in steady rain 2 do a bit of shoppn & I got thcharkoal pills while w waitd 4 th kar 2 b fixd. Back @ th KARČIAMA (bar) on Vaidases rkmmd8n Ibought a flask of trauktine (Vodka strngth drinks flavourd in vrious ways) I hdnt tried yet :

Trejos Dev-ynerios

(999) bkoz its flavr kums from 27 herbs & grasss. I m drinkn a glass now & its OK but not asgood as

Čepkeliu

whch I lso bought a flask of. (Its rainn – hznt stppd all day) Whn w kame back goinpast th SENKAPIS (ystrdy I sor a hare thr) I got a good look @ a large pigeon Iv bn seein from a dst-nce in th

ٱ

. Its a Keršulas

(Columba palumbus

). Brigita is sttn near x readn Lietuvos Rytas whch Ibrought from town. Vaidas haz gon nside probbly 2 skape from Migle (hoo whn w got back greetd mwth a poem from ‘clocks ticked on’ whch sh had learnt x heart) hoo nevr stops terrorizin thm. Whn wwer in th 1 room KARČIAMA it kkurd 2 me th@ ½ of my gnetik nheritnce kums from rght here bkozthis iz my fathrs TĖVIŠKĖ.

(1/10/04. He & his older brothers were the first from his village to co-mplete a secondary and further education. They finished in minimum time with high results inthe only school available which was in Ukmergė 6ks away. In autumn and winter they boardedin the town (a heavy financial burden) as it was too far to walk in mud and snow. My father wasnot able to join youth associations and clubs (3/10/04. which may explain his lifelong war-iness of organizations) because he didnt have the required uniforms as his parents were poor.He was not able to join the soccer team (later in the airforce he became a competent gymnast& an excellent competition marksman) because the only pair of shoes he owned were neededfor going to school. His uniforms were hand-me-downs from his brothers. He never had booksof his own relying on ones lent to him by fellow students)

(4.55 & it iz rainn) ….

2004 birželio 27 d

(8.20 am) Its rainn. Vaidas iz makn t. Brigita (hoo iz ntrstd in th medkal prprties of plants & haz bnfeedn us superbly (šaltibarsčiai (litho borscht), nettl soup, all kinds of t nkludin red t & t made from juodū serbentu (black kurrnt) leavs etc etc ) az if it woz our male prrog@v 2 b waitd on (but I offrd 2wash th dishs & sh kcptd) h& & foot) & Migle havnt surfced yet (ncidntlly Brigita iz O K8s age & xtre-mly ffcient & nergetik in verythn sh duz) but I c Vaidas has prpared a 3

kup of koffee so sh must hav.Th gO iz soggy & Im 1drn if well make it out ovr O a k of meadow → road. I feel like a mmbr of th fa-mly koz last nght (Im takin 2 mor charkoal pills 1drn what iz th r8 of stumak cancers mung lithos) wuzed th PIRTI (sauna) down x th rivr 150 yrds way. Its a big trdition but not az big az in finl& they tellme. Th PIRTIS here woz made from a metl box seald so az 2 b airtght wth an iron stove set in cemntwth rocks in it, & th nside lined wth wood wth a bench 2 sit on & a foot bench. Vaidas lit it up @ O9.30 pm az th rain woz gettn heavier. Then w s@ O ndr th kanopy near th haus whr wev bn livn &eatn (uzin th haus only 2 sleep) while waitn 4 it 2 heat up. W finshd off th

Čepkeliu

trauktine & th

Tre- jos Devynerios

(999) (wthout help from Brigita hoo iz a vegtarian) & it woz rainn soldly th O time &Vaidas went back 2 th PIRTI in bare feet (he sually iz) wth wood 2 stoke th stove. 2wards 11.00 wmade our mov. W ndrssd in th haus koz thr woz nowhr 2 leav th klothes x th rvr outside th PIRTI bkozof th rain & wrapt in towls skamprd → windin track (Brigita fell down th steep bit but sh iz yng & kould-