The Great Sabbatical: God's First Vacation
On the first day of this last New Year, God – long overdue for His first evervacation and very weary from his labors – was anxious to head out early beforethe snow started. He sat at his laptop, glasses propped up on his head as hislong, white flowing beard draped into the keyboard like some cheap chenillescarf and started to type:TO: EveryoneFR: GodRE: VacationThis is to notify you that effective 12:01 A.M. cosmic time, I, God, Yahweh,Jehovah, Allah, The Father, The Big Guy Upstairs, El Shaddai, Adonai, Most Holyof Holies, will be on vacation. This memo is to suggest that you figure thingsout on your own for a while. I have provided you with good sense, humor, freewill, the internet and opposable thumbs so Me damn it people, USE these giftsto help one another.I am counting on everyone’s complete cooperation or there will be hell to pay, Ipromise and I should know because I created hell!Now I know that last time something like this happened was when thatkvetcher Nietzsche started spreading rumors about my death. This causeduntold panic and great harm. I expect nothing of this sort to happen again. Youare hereby on your own. I will return in exactly one month.If there are any prayers, leave them on my voicemail. I will not be answeringemail or voicemail while I am away. For those with little or no faith, you willassume that this reinforces your belief that I do not exist. This is onlytemporary. Trust me when I tell you this: I do exist.Be good to each other and take care of my animals. I created them long beforeyou and there is a reason why. Could it be there is anyone who does not knowthat I, God, am an avid animal lover? I would think the PETA bumper stickers onmy car would be a clue.Remember to keep praying: it works even when I am away, just not the wayyou think it does.Sincerely,GodP.S. Will someone please put out my recyclables each Monday while I am gone?