The Professor Loves a Cupid Stunt

a lesson in vocabulary

We really don't know where it came from.

Macedonian Greeks say guda, gune, gyne,
But these are just words for woman.
The ancient Anglo-Saxon's cynd
And Latin cutis just mean skin.
Anything that starts with cu
Means feminine or fecund,
Which for all you little dictionaries
Means fertile once it's fertilized.
And these are related to cus,
To cush, to kuni, and to cuint,
Which all have the same meaning.
The Indo-European skeu,
Which means to hide may be related.
And modern synonyms include
(And these are just in English, mind)
Coo, and cooch, and coot, and cooter,
Cooze, and coozie, cookie, choochy,
Chocha, cootch, and coochie snorcher,
There's hooch and hoochie, hoochy-coochy
Hoochie-coocher, hoochie macoochie,
Ootchimagootchi, ouchimagooga,
There's Itchycoo Park and Hoochie Koo Man,
And Minnie the Moocher, the Hootchie Cootcher
There's cooch reels and voulez-vous
Coucher avec moi ce soir? There's ko
And kuo and chuo and kuhe and cow
There's kyr and kouze and kine and cyna.
There's cud and cucuteni and cod and bag.
There's cubbyhole and snug and snugger and snogger.
There's cove and keel and guanto and glove.
There's coocoo and ken and then there's chuchubi.
There's gen and gyne and jin and ginny.
There's cunnus and cunni and cunctus and can.
There's queynte and there's cwithe and then there's gwen.
There's guney, gunaikos and gagu and gob.
There's queen and kvenna and chuint and quim.
From quim we get quiff and quimsby and quince
And quiffage and whiff and waffle and whim.
And somewhere in there is wife as well,
There's comb and there's coomb and cony and cob.
There's cog and there's chuck and there's chicken and cono.
There's concha and chocha and then there's conacho,
Conazo and coin, cuneus and coonie,
Cuniculus, cunabula,
Cundy and kuso and kunda and kunka,
Kundalini, of course, and lingam and cut.
And those are just words that come from old words,
And there are new words and all new expressions:
Consider the kitchen, which you come on in.
The cooker, the cookie, the sweet sugarbowl,
The honeyjar, the micowave,
The zapper, the socket, the drain, the sink.
Or think of the house, the private estate,
The front door, the front porch, the front lawn, the garden,
The keyhole, the peephole, or think of the manhole,
The subway—don't stop! The little bodega,
The seven eleven, the butcher shop,
The carneceria and those hot carnitas.
The apple of Eve, the mons Veneris,
The temple of Venus, the pace for the plenis,
The mountain top, Mount Arrarat,
The rathole, the mousehole, the mousetrap, the burrow,
The hole, the ditch, the juicebowl, the canyon,
The can, the box, the mailbox, the night mail slot,
The ATM, the envelope,
The cradle, the rocker, the rock and roller,
The roller coaster, the carnival,
The circus, the shoe, the lion's cage,
The bait shop, the bait box, the fishing hole,
The gun rack, the golf bag, the purse,
The clutch, the bag and the baggage,
The fish market, the perfume shop,
The sweet potato, pumpkin pie,
Sweet pie, cream pie, blackbottom pie...
The black hole, worm hole, launching pad,
Moon shadow, muncher, cruncher and lunch.
There's breakfast in bed and dessert and a snack.
There's finger hole, fist hole, foot hole, headquarters,
Home plate, Hail Mary, free throw line,
The scoreboard, Hockey Practice, time out,
The scrimmage, the scrum, the scumhole, the skank,
The office, the weekend, the playground, the workplace,
Vacation, the RV and the Grand Canyon,
There's Carnegie Hall and the Stock Exchange,
The Mississippi Delta, the delta of Venus,
The deep end, the dumpster, the dipsy, the doodle,
The diddler, the diddle, the cat and the fiddle,
The kitty, the pussy, the doghouse, the bird's nest,
The catbird seat, the Kingdom of God,
The pulpit, the bullpen, the lobby, the church,
The front bottom, cash drawer, money maker,
Booty, Betty, Suzie Q,
Frannie, Annie, Winnie, Minnie,
The feather bed, Heather, and Jane and Maggie,
The farm, the South Forty, Lover's Lane,
Lover's Leap and Love Canal,
The groove, the slot, the slit, the forkholder,
The happy land, the country of dreams,
The country music station, alt.country,
The country girl, the working girl,
The hook, the catch, the pudding bowl,
The play pen, the hatch, the open source,
Software, wetware, the warehouse, Willie's house,
The entry wound, the drunk tank,
Time off for good behavior, prison.
The boneyard, trick or treat, the grave,
The graveyard, the burial plot,
The Easter basket, the rabbit hole,
The barbecue, the bananna peeler,
The bottle warmer, the best, baby,
Nice work if you can get it,
And there's always more where that came from,
If we could only figure it out.