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© 2006, Rajesh Setty |Do not distribute without permission | www.rajeshsetty.com1
lastingrelationships
 
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By Rajesh Setty
 
Lasting Relationships: focusing on “what matters” to the other side of the equation
© 2006, Rajesh Setty |Do not distribute without permission | www.rajeshsetty.com
 
2
The problem with networkingtoday:
Networking, apparently, is key tosuccess—even encouraging many toseek out an MBA program thatsupposedly gives them a “packaged”network, and thus the success theyseek. Ahem!Success today—in business, especially— is not a one-man effort. It has neverbeen, and will continue so. To succeedwell—what many call making thedream a reality—you need help.Numerous books and “smart”classescoach the art ofnetworking—typicallywinding up asking the reader or studentto attend networking meetings,exchanging cards, and to send out“connect”emails. They all help—to anextent only, though. Have we ever stoodback and wondered why?People attend “networking”meetingshoping to establish connections thatwill help them succeed. Here are a fewreasons why “networking meetings”may not help:
The WIIFM attitude
: People walk intoa networking meeting EXPECTING toserve their own purposes: What’s In ItFor Me (WIIFM)? This does not helpthem or the meeting. While some maychange their attitudes, numerous morewill continue to seek some purpose inthe networking meeting, and slowly— after finding no singularly remarkableachievement—give up on the exercise.
Value
: The WIIFM (I love theseacronyms that serve absolutely nopurpose—they are not even remarkableenough to be remembered!) attitudedirectly throws up another pitfall. Theindividual’s value to the meeting is agood starting point—how many ofushave truly invested in ourselves to be of value to others? Stop for a minute now,and review this.
Poor communication skills
: One mayhave the right attitude and alsosomething ofvalue to offer but maynot have the skills to package what heor she has to offer into a nicely turnedvalue pitch. This is a problem unlessthe other person has “mind reading”skills.
“Shared joy is adouble joy; sharedsorrow is half asorrow.”Swedish Proverb
 
Lasting Relationships: focusing on “what matters” to the other side of the equation
© 2006, Rajesh Setty |Do not distribute without permission | www.rajeshsetty.com
 
3
Relevance
: Ifyou got the wrongplace, you may not have anythingrelevant to offer to people.
Wrong Objectives
: Some people havethe wrong objectives for a networkingmeeting. Their criteria for successinclude “the number ofbusiness cardscollected, given or exchanged.”Even if they succeed in their goals, it may notmean much.
Bandwidth
: Every relationship takesaway a part ofyour life and you shouldbe willing to give that kind oftime andattention to nurture the relationship. If you don’t have the bandwidth to fostera relationship, you are better offnotstarting one.
Wrong expectations
: Just like those“get rich quick”schemes that rarelywork, expecting to become a greatnetworker by attending networkingmeetings won’t work.
Primary Driving force: What MattersMost
Most people are found working on atleast two projects at any point—oneprofessional and the other a personalproject. I say “at least two projects”since I am sure all ofus are workingon more than two projects: probablyfour or five projects at work andanother four or five projects at home(personal life). This is the way ofthenew world. It is neither good norbad—it is the way it is. For those of you, who keep wondering whateverhappened to “focus”, remember this.In other words, everyone has several“What matters”graphs for their life.Amongst these, there is one or may betwo things that matter most to people.Take a “What Matters”graph for anyperson. For this discussion, let’sassume that one ofthe key things thatmatters to this person is Money. So,the “What Matters”graph is plottedon Money. Point A refers to thecurrent situation. It can be any amountthat the person currently has (may be$100K or may be $100M or anyamount.)There are two regions in the graph.The shaded part is called the
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