The Conservative Batman versus theJoker

By John F. McGowan

Version: 1.0Start Date: October 4, 2009Last Updated: October 4, 2009Home URL: http://www.jmcgowan.com/batman.pdf

The Conservative Batman saves Gotham City from his greatest enemy.The scene opens with a panoramic shot of the Gotham Bank and Trust headquarters, a giant skyscraper in the financial district in GothamCity. The camera slowly zooms in on a bright flashy HDTV screen onthe wall of the lobby of Gotham Bank and Trust, pausing for a moment at the

Mainstream News

newsstand in the lobby. The headlines for the liberal

Gotham Times

and the conservative

Gotham Street Journal

both scream:

Recession Over. Happy Days are Here Again!

The tabloid

Gotham Post’s

headline reads

Bruce Wayne Dates Angelina! BradJealous!

The camera lingers for a moment over a rack of magazineswith anorexic super-models in bikinis, lingerie, and fig leaves on thecovers. The camera resumes zooming in on the HDTV screen on thewall. A twenty-four hour news show is playing on the screen. Thelogo reads GNN for Gotham News Network.

Voice Over (firm, confident):

Gotham News Network. Fifteenminutes of news, four times each hour, twenty-four hours a day,seven days a week. GNN 15/4 24/7!

The Announcer (bubbling over with happiness):

Great news fromthe Gotham City Bureau of Labor Statistics! The municipalunemployment rate has risen a mere one percentage point, beatingestimates from economists, yet another sign the recession is over!Bambi, tell our viewers what this means.

The HDTV cameras zooms in on a stunning blonde with a perpetual smile and perfect white teeth.

John F. McGowanPage

October 4, 2009

The Conservative Batman versus the Joker

Bambi:

Well, Rex, statistics released today by the Gotham CityBureau of Labor Statistics show that only 50,000 Gothamites werethrown out of work last month, less than the 60-80,000 predicted bymost economists. Most economists and financial experts agree thatthis latest employment report coupled with Gotham Bank and Trust’srecord quarterly earnings announcement yesterday show that GothamCity has turned the corner and is rapidly pulling out of the recession…SWUAWK…GTTGL.PZZZT

A burst of static fills the screen. Rex and Bambi are suddenly replaced by an aging white-haired hippie wearing a psychedelic Grateful Dead T-shirt and the infamous Catwoman in her skin tight black leather costume (complete with whip). The screen behind them showsGotham City in flames, police and thugs dragging families from their homes, and long lines of the unemployed at the Gotham City Employment Advancement Office.

The Aging Hippie:

Enough of that corporate propaganda! I amBernie Weisberger, Super Hippie, and this is my co-host, Ms. SelinaKyle, better known as the Catwoman. And this is…the Dissident NewsNetwork. Our motto, the truth 24/7, whether you like it or not.

(dramatic pause)

Selina, tell our viewing audience what is reallygoing on in Gotham City.

The camera pans to Selina, the Catwoman.

The Catwoman:

Meowwr! Well, Bernie, a year ago Gotham City Bankand Trust nearly collapsed from reckless speculation in mortgagebacked securities However, Gotham Bank and Trust CEO DillardWentworth IV

(a picture of a slightly overweight preppie in a tophat and tuxedo with a blonde bimbo on each arm appearsbehind Bernie and the Catwoman)

convinced the Gotham CityCouncil to borrow $100 billion from the government of China to bailoutGotham Bank and Trust. Since then Gotham Bank and Trust hasbought out or driven out of business every other bank in Gotham City,called in loans, hiked loan rates, and embarked on a program to raisecapital ($100 billion just wasn’t enough to cover Wentworth’s bets onmortgage backed securities) by foreclosing on over ten percent of Gotham City’s population. Over 500,000 Gothamites have beenevicted or face eviction.

(the camera shows police and thugsdragging protesting families from their homes)

Bernie:

Republican mayor Harlan Masterson

(a picture of afrowning man wearing a cowboy hat and dodging a hurled shoe

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The Conservative Batman versus the Joker

appears)

was voted out of office along with the Republican majorityon the City Council by the outraged public. The winner is Democraticreformer Mostafa Smith

(a picture of a spindly black man wearinga tweed jacket and wire frame glasses appears)

and his team of community activists including former Gotham Bank and Trust CFOMartin “Marty” Feinberg

(a picture of a pugnacious looking manwearing an extremely expensive suit appears).

After takingoffice Mostafa Smith and his team immediately borrowed an additional$100 billion from China to “rescue” Gotham Bank and Trust.

The Catwoman:

Many suspect that Gotham Bank and Trust has usedits billions in bailout money to buy control of both the GothamRepublican and Democratic parties, ushering in an era of dictatorshipand corruption not seen since the reign of Joe “Boss” Pendleton duringthe Great Depression.

Bernie:

With democratic elections useless, reformed super-villain andcommunity activist the Joker

(a poster of a crazed looking manwearing white paint over his entire face and strange redmarkings on either side of his mouth as if it had been cut openappears; SOCIALISM is printed on the bottom of the picture ingiant red letters)

has come forward to lead a grass roots movementfor the common man.

The Catwoman:

The Joker is a homicidal psychopath.

Bernie (scowling petulantly):

Well, at least he is doing something.

The Catwoman:

As Gotham City slides into corruption and chaos,many pin their hopes on the city’s masked hero, the Batman.

Bernie:

You are still in love with that masked lackey of theEstablishment!

The Catwoman:

I am not. I tried to kill him last week.

Bernie (looking just a tad jealous):

A lover’s spat.

(glancesdown at a flashing red light)

Oops! Got to go! The FCC is homingin on our location. You can see more at our web site and blog. H-T-T-P colon slash slash double-u double-u double-u dissident news network(all one word) dot org PZZZT…BLEEP..GRRWALAK!!!!

There is a burst of static. Rex and Bambi appear again.