The best laid plans: journeying around Western Canada

The Best Laid Plans: Journeying Around Western Canada

By Chris Jones

Copyright 2011 Chris Jones

Smashwords Edition

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

Chapter 2: The Perfect Storm

Chapter 3: O Canada

Chapter 4: Victoria-bound – the Long Way

Chapter 5: Vancouver Revisited and the Open Road

Chapter 6: The Kootenays – Bear Country?

Chapter 7: The Rockies – Bring on the Wildlife

Chapter 8: Wild, Wild Life

Chapter 9: Gobsmacked – the Icefields Parkway and Beyond

Chapter 10: Jasper – Well Worth Maligning

Chapter 11: Rail, Friends and Exciting New Reasons to Tear Your Hair Out

Chapter 12: Down the Inside Passage

Chapter 13: There’s Bears in Them Thar Hills

Chapter 14: First Nations and a Meal not to be Missed

Chapter 15: Friendly Faces

Chapter 16: The West Coast – Even More Surprises (and a Couple of Great Meals)

Chapter 17: Vancouver Yet Again

Chapter 18: ....and Back Again

Chapter 19: Notes

Chapter 20: Glossary of Endangered Words

Chapter 21: 71 Movies I’d Go in to Bat for

Chapter 22: My Top 5 Border Crossing Experiences

Chapter 23: Transcript from Quiz Question on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader

Chapter 24: Transcript from Miss Teen USA 2007

Chapter 25: Spotter’s Guide to Rednecks

Chapter 26: 40 Country and Western Song Titles to Bring Tears to Your Eyes

Chapter 27: Unusual Collective Nouns

The road, [he] felt, had to go somewhere.

This geographic fiction has been the death of many people. Roads don’t necessarily have to go anywhere, they just have to have somewhere to start.

Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

Travel is horrible. Anybody who tells you otherwise is either dishonest, suffers from severe memory loss or is a travel agent. Travel is full of such joys as bags heading to Prague whilst you’re on your way to Washington, children lost on the streets of strange cities, boat trips delayed by a disgruntled truck driver who dumps his load of rocks on the wharf, violent digestive problems that make death seem a lot more dignified and airport officials that went to the Basil Fawlty School of Customer Service – and failed.

So why do we keep on doing it? And why especially are we drawn to self-managed holidays which just raise the Disaster bar even higher? Because, like so many travellers, we suffer from cock-eyed optimism and are totally addicted to the excitement of discovering something for ourselves.

I recall many years ago going whale-watching in Hervey Bay, Queensland. Whilst the experience was worthwhile and satisfying it didn’t compare to the thrill our family had driving home several days later when we spotted a pod of whales out to sea. The pod was much farther away and certainly not an intimate experience as far as proximity went. In another sense though, it was far more intimate. This was our pod of whales. We had spotted it and for that moment in time it was totally our discovery.(1)

This is the motivation behind planning your own holidays – the peaks of personal joy, but it comes with provisos. If you don’t want the stress of making your own decisions, often with ludicrously limited local knowledge, then go with a packaged tour. Many people also enjoy the company of new people that is found on packaged tours. And then there are those places. The ones where only people who think sticking a live ferret down your trousers sounds like a bit of fun would go independently. These are all excellent reasons for going with organised tours and it is quite possible that on some future holiday to a place of dubious safety we will do exactly that.

Now, anyone with half a brain (2) can see that planning your own holiday needs a fair bit of preparation unless you’ve got so much time on your hands that you can wander about learning everything as you go. Our planning began with trying to decide where we actually wanted to go to. Both my wife, Kate, and I have reached at interesting stage of life. We are steadily approaching a point when our children, Tim and Michael, are becoming independent individuals, more or less, and this gives us our own independence. And it’s a different independence from the one we knew before the children were born. Back then we may have been free of children but we had the weight of our future expectations. Now we’ve reached a point where we are both satisfied with our professional achievements (at the moment, at least) so the burden of our career development has been considerably reduced. The other reality of our stage of life is that we aren’t getting any younger. Whilst this hackneyed phrase applies to all of us, it’s certainly true that there comes a moment when you realise that age can work against, rather than for, the body. We’ve decided that though we could always try to aim at an early retirement and then travel there’s the risk that life will trip you up along the way, and how frustrating would it be to achieve the goal of retirement and then find oneself unable, for a wide range of reasons, to be able to travel.

Another decision that I had made, with plenty of encouragement from Kate, was to keep a written record of the trip. She had even suggested I buy an electronic notebook/PC for the journey. In the end I decided against this, largely because of money, though it would have been exceptionally useful at times, not only to record things but to access the Internet. Wireless access would prove to be available everywhere we turned. I think, though, it would have been a mixed blessing. I would have written much more on the trip rather than taking limited notes and keeping all sorts of paraphernalia, but on the down side there would always have been the risk that I would start obsessing over recording things and that this would have shackled my ability to really enjoy the places we went to.

I must say that the writing of this journal has been a wonderfully enjoyable experience and I intend to do it in future. I have a habit of walking into a room with a very specific purpose I’ve established only moments before and then stand there wondering what on earth I was looking for. The writing has played a particularly powerful part in capturing the memory of the trip.

One last word, if you pardon the upcoming pun, on writing. I am a logophile, which sounds considerably more unpleasant or disturbing than it is. I love words – curious, rare, easily frightened words. Quoting from my favourite author Terry Pratchett:

Words resemble fish in that some specialist ones can survive only in a kind of reef, where their curious shapes and usages are protected from the hurly-burly of the open sea."

On the last full day of our trip I purchased a copy of Foyle’s Philavery. I have, therefore, decided to retrospectively integrate words from that book into this journal, and provide a glossary at the back (Words). Anybody who bothers to compare the glossary with the text will almost certainly note that a number of the words in the glossary are not actually used in the book. They are there simply because they are strange enough to deserve a place. I do not know if I will use the word batterfang, but by crikey I’m proud to have it in the glossary. Similarly, turdiform made it in just because it takes you by surprise. It’s interesting to note the words that my spell-checker recognises. Most don’t get a look-in. Interestingly, callipygian, referring to well-shaped or formed buttocks, is acceptable, but dasypygal – having hairy buttocks, is not acceptable. Little did I know that the spell-checker could also reflect social preferences.

Some may say that this whole process creates a time paradox – how can a book purchased later in time influence a recording earlier in time? To these people I say, ‘get a life’. Besides, if the apes from Planet of the Apes all had as their ancestors two of the apes from the future that had fled our exploding world (3), then anything is possible. The words that I have scattered throughout this book are but a snippet of what’s in the original and I’ve left out a swag of wonderfully eccentric words (4), so if you’re tempted to find more, see if you can track the philavery down.

Back to the travelling. So, our intention was, and still is, that, whenever we can manage it, we will travel and if this means we have to work longer then so be it. The upshot of this is that we’ve put together quite a shopping list of countries. Ridiculously long, no doubt, but there’s no harm in dreaming. This is our current hit-list, in no particular order:

United Kingdom and Ireland

Spain and Portugal

West Canada

South America

Africa

Egypt

Eastern Europe

Italy

Turkey

Mexico

Antarctica

South-East Asia

India

China

I make no apologies for countries that aren’t on the list. Such a catalogue will always be of its time. Were I to do another one tomorrow it would, in all likelihood, be different thanks to the wonderful tales people tell of new destinations. I should point out, though, two noteworthy omissions. New Zealand is a magnificent country and should be on anybody’s travel agenda. It will be on ours again, but having been there in 2000 we feel that there are other more pressing destinations. The same can be said for France which we visited in 2004. If we do get back to France one day it will be with the intention of staying in one location, probably rural, for the body of the trip.

At this point some might wonder why there’s such an emphasis on overseas travel. What about seeing our own country first? Isn’t this un-Australian? First of all, we have seen many amazing parts of Australia – most recently Western Australia – and are sure to throw more into the mix down the track (we haven’t seen the Great Barrier Reef yet or been to the Centre). Second, the years of retirement, which will hopefully be many, seem an ideal time for these local travel projects. And last, there is nothing un-Australian about visiting other countries. In fact, seeing other places has built a profound love of our own and the more I travel the deeper is my attachment to this country and its people (even if I could strangle some of them on occasions).

I know that some of the entries on the list are so broad as to be almost meaningless, like Africa and South America, but we did have in mind some boundaries. A trip to Africa would entail something along the line of animal safaris and amazing sites like Kilimanjaro and Lake Victoria. Similarly, South America would focus on specific areas and features, such as Machu Pichu.

I must confess to having a deep desire to travel to Chile. It stemmed from discovering several years ago that our frequent flyer points had a special deal to go there. I started investigating the country and developed a fascination for it. Unfortunately, the frequent flyer deal was short-lived and we missed our chance, but the interest in the place has remained strong to this day. It is a country I truly want to see before I die.

Drawing up the list was straight forward – whittling it down was always going to be more challenging. Like a child in a lolly shop it’s easy to point out the treats you want, a darn sight harder to choose the exact items that 20c can purchase. We have all stood behind such children as they agonise over their selections. I have always admired the patience of corner store owners at this time. It’s the hardest 20c they’re ever likely to earn.

Nonetheless we had to make a start. First to go was Egypt, largely because we’d had a bit of a saga trying to organise such a trip the previous year. We knew Egypt was not a place for the faint-hearted and that a tour would be the way to go. In the early stages of our planning I’d been given the name of a tour operator, ex-pat English woman, who did personalised tours for very small numbers – just the two of us would be fine.

This suited us down to the ground – the comfort of a tour but a greater sense of independence. I got in contact with the lady via email and so began a steady stream of emails as I tried to refine what program we’d undertake. The woman offered a range of one and multi-day tours so it was quite a lot of fun researching and constructing our itinerary.

But the wheels fell off – and I blame the Internet and word-of-mouth. There’s a wonderful experiment that demonstrates how a nuclear reaction works. You put an incredible number of ping pong balls on mousetraps in a confined area and then get one trap to spring. The ball flies up in the air and sets of another ball and in turn is flicked on to another ball, releasing it sets off other ping pong balls, and so on. There’s a brief moment at the beginning when you can actually follow things and then all Hell breaks loose and the world is a blur of ping pong balls. Word-of-mouth combined with the Internet can achieve a similar effect. During the time we were in email correspondence the lady had established a website and was discovered by the rest of the world. It must come as quite a shock when your quiet little business goes nuclear. Her emailed replies to me became less frequent and carried a harassed tone – and then one day they simply stopped all together.

We went to North-western Australia instead, and had an amazing time. It is quite strange to visit a place in your own country that feels foreign and then to realise that the foreignness stems not so much from the countryside, which is so essentially Australian, but from your own sheltered lifestyle. I have never felt so strongly the timelessness or grandeur of our country as during those three weeks between Broome and Kununurra.

So – Egypt was off the list simply because I couldn’t be bothered going through all that rigmarole (5) again.

The next to go, in one fell swoop (6), was the entirety of Europe (including the continent-straddling Turkey). The logic behind this was that our son, Timothy, may have been heading over that way in the next couple of years and so we could combine seeing him with a European vacation.

Antarctica dropped of the shrinking list next. I’m not quite sure why but I think it just didn’t feel like the sort of holiday that would afford the break we were looking for.

The South Pole was followed by the equator. Mexico quietly slipped off the radar. It certainly still remains a country to see, and the preliminary research revealed it to be a far richer destination than I had realised. Again, not quite the experience we were looking for and perhaps not quite different enough at this point in time. We already live in a country that offers warmth, beer, sun and sea. Another time.

South America and Africa went at pretty much the same time, for pretty much the same reasons. They are both such massive areas, they’d require some seriously good planning and we’d almost certainly have to spend most ,if not all of the trip, in a package tour. This just didn’t fit what we were looking for.

And the last three to drop off the list were South East Asia, India and China. This part of the world certainly offers some fascinating experiences and is definitely affordable and convenient to Australia. The region is increasingly accessible to tourism, and there are countries I would love to see. It’s got a lot going for it but it just didn’t feel right. I think neither Kate nor I could build sufficient enthusiasm for the destination. Both of us had been working hard. Though Asia would offer a rich and challenging experience, I had imagined, rightly or wrongly, that we could come back feeling wrung out. We’ll definitely keep this part of the world on the list, possibly travelling with the company of others.

And then there was ONE! Western Canada had come through the scourging to remain our place of choice. It has a landscape quite different from ours (though we would find intriguing parallels between Canada and Australia), it is a country we both felt we could tackle outside of a package tour, we both spoke the language, we could go in September/October when the climate was great but the tourists minimal, we’d heard good things about it and there are seriously cool animals we could see (I have an abiding desire to see as many animals as I can in my life).

Once we’d chosen Western Canada we began to create a framework for the holiday. Though the intention was to allow the trip to have flexibility, you still need to have an idea of what you want to see and to make sure that you can fit it all into the time you’ve got. One thing I deal very badly with is losing precious time on a holiday because, quoting from Bugs Bunny, we should have made a left turn in Albuquerque(7).

Before I go any further down the planning route it’s probably a good idea to give a bit more of a background on our travel styles as this informed the decisions we made. People cut from a different cloth may well make other choices.

As you’ve already read, we prefer self-planned holidays. The proviso to this is that there are times in any holiday where a bit of planned/booked content is necessary. We fully understand this and, as you’ll see, our trip certainly had elements of those.

We’re also not major-league bed and breakfast people. We did end up staying at one B&B but we prefer motels. So, if you’re looking for B&B advice this book won’t provide it. Having said this, there seem to be plenty of B&B options in Canada and a bit of web surfing should trawl up some great options.

Speaking of using the web, this played a key role in our planning. I used a mixture of brochures from travel agencies, a travel guide we purchased in Australia and good-old google to formulate what seemed a reasonable plan. One website I would heartily recommend is trip advisor. Plenty of great advice from people who have seen the places first hand. You can also expect frank commentary.

In regards to travel guides, I think it’s up to your personal preference. We went with the Lonely Planet for a few reasons. One, it is reputable. Two, it’s easy to get a hold of. Three, it had a guide just for the region we wanted. Four, I was reasonably familiar with it through my work place. I must confess that I found the Lonely Planet guide, at times, a little hard to find my way around but overall I was happy with it.

Of course, you pick up heaps of travel brochures as you journey and they can help refine the trip on the fly. I really enjoyed doing this, probably to excessive levels. At times I suspect we were carrying, pound for pound, more brochures than clothing.

Another feature to our planning was that we had flexibility with the budget. By this I mean that we weren’t forced to go the cheapest route, though we certainly weren’t looking to throw money away. In general, our planning revolved around reasonable expenditure. 3 star accommodation, fuel-economic vehicles, a mixture of self-made and purchased meals. There were times we did pay extra but this was done with due consideration. For example, we knew the grizzly watching would cost us. Yes we paid for an inside cabin on a ferry. But, wherever we could reasonably save money without having a detrimental impact on the holiday we did. One thing though, that we didn’t do, was count every penny. I’ve done that before and I personally believe you can lose the focus of why you’re on a holiday. Of course, if you’re travelling on a tight budget then you do whatever you can to get the most out of the trip.

Anyway, the more I dug the more I realised how much there was to see in this region of the world. This put some boundaries in place. We would focus only on British Columbia. This turned out to be my first geographic gaff. The travel guide to BC I was using featured great stuff on the Canadian Rockies so I just presumed they were part of this province. Wrong. The vast bulk of the Canadian Rockies actually lie in Alberta – a fact we only discovered on the road.

Actual geographic correctness aside, we decided that we could do BC and the Rockies in one big loop. Factoring in that we had an interest in both wildlife and First Nations culture we came up with a reasonable shopping list of places to go to. Things to see and do included Victoria and Vancouver cities, Vancouver Island (featuring orcas and grizzly bears), the Rockies via the Canadian inland (e.g. the Kootenays or Okanagan valley rather than up through Whistler), a train trip from Jasper to the coast, a visit to Haida Gwaa (previously known as Queen Charlotte Island) and a boating trip down the painfully named Inside Passage.

At this stage things started to get a bit complicated and so we hooked up with our friend and long-term travel agent, Craig. So began a convoluted series of emails, a face-to-face meeting (Craig lives in Armidale and we are in Forster – 3 hours apart), interspersed with a volcanic eruption in Iceland that knocked all flights out of the air and made the lives of travellers and travel agents chaotic for weeks. Who’d have thought the underground movements of Europe’s westernmost country, with a landmass slightly less than the state of Kentucky, could have such a profound effect on the world (8). Of course, we were also thrown into a spin as Craig virtually disappeared off the planet, striving to get people home or wherever they