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The Schatterman e-mails
TheSchattermanE-mails
 by John MacBeath Watkins
 In the beginning was the e-mail, and the e-mail was with Zorba and the e-mail was about  Zorba.
John M. Watkins
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The Schatterman e-mails
 All were made by him and without him were not made any who were made. Inhim was life; and the life was the light of us all. And the e-mail said:
To:CliveWallroose@BigLabs.comFrom: Ivan_Peckerwood_Schatterman_III@BigLabs.comRe: Annoying results of experiments by Zorba the GeekClive, I have had enough. Zorba Papadopolis is mooningover the little monkeys he has produced as if the worldneeded nothing more desperately than smaller monkeys. I amdoing important work, which, by the way, is fully funded bythe Department of Defense, while Zorba's work is simply adrain on our resources. His so-called "children" are adead-end project for a need that is simply a fantasy. Themonkeys have been teasing my flying piranha lungfish,getting them to fly out of the tank and into the fan, whichhas killed three valuable specimens so far and resulted insome stains that will not come out of the wall. Zorbaclaims they are too intelligent to be controlled in the waynormal experimental subjects are controlled, but clearly hehas made no effort to take ordinary precautions. I demandthat his self-indulgent project be put to an end. NASAfunding ended almost a year ago, and for some reason thislab has continued to find funding for his project bydraining resources from more worthy endeavors. I want theexperiment terminated and the organisms produced by thisfruitless endeavor destroyed before they can do any moreharm.
 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
To: _Ivan_Peckerwood_Schatterman_III@BigLabs.comRe: Controversial experimentIvan, I must remind you that Dr. Papadopolis came to uswith impeccable credentials, and there are those who regardhis work as groundbreaking and extremely important. I haveagain warned him that further complaints about his
From: CliveWallrooseBiLabs.com
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The Schatterman e-mails
organisms getting loose will result in his termination andthe destruction of his organisms. I have hopes that afterthe election next week, a new administration may view hiswork more favorably. As you know, NASA has recommendedvastly increased funding for his work, but theadministration blocked it. In any case, we should knowsoon whether funding for this project can be justified.
 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
To: CliveWallroose@BigLabs.comFrom: Ivan_Peckerwood_Schatterman_III@BigLabs.comRe: Goddamn monkeysClive, the damn monkeys have got to go, or I take myproject and my funding to another lab. They are completelyout of control, and because they cannot be controlled theywill never be any use to anyone. The only person I knowwho thinks Zorba the Geek's work is any good is old timidTimothy Toole, who spends his time trying to figure out howto go to sleep for a thousand years at a time. He justtold me that waking one of the monkeys after three monthssleep was the greatest achievement of his life. All thisguy really wants is a really long nap. Let me tell yousomething, Zorba's pinko buddies aren't winning thiselection and when they don't, things are going to lookpretty dim for him and the whole head-in-the-stars batch ofresearchers at this lab. I'm sure you'll want my help whenthat happens, so let me tell you, all those miniaturemonkeys will fit in my big blender, and it has a settingfor "juice."
The children sat at their desks in the classroom. Most were 18 and 24 inches tall. Theylooked like slender middle-school students, with school uniforms on the Catholic model.The classroom had been a linen closet, but it accommodated 33 of them easily. Their ancestors had been
Cebus apella,
capuchin monkeys. They looked human, except for therather long incisors. All had intent, black eyes and faces made for laughter. Zorba hadn't
of 00

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