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HOW TO GRILL A STEAK LIKE A FAT MAN
Grilling a steak has all the tenets of manhood mixed together. Fire, danger, and gluttony.But too many of you savages are doing it wrong. I watch in horror as you invite me over for light beer and dried out, lifeless flank steak. I guess technically it’s supposed to belifeless but you know what I mean.So here are some basic principles to grilling the perfect steak:GRADE AND CUT- The most important choice you’re gonna make. At least until dinner the next day. First know that the best cuts for grilling are T-bone, Rib Eye, Porter Houseand Filet Mignon. NY Strip is pretty decent but not my favorite(maybe because it has NYin it?) Basically the farther you can get from the horns and the hooves, the better you’relooking. Next you have to choose your grade. First is
Prime
, which is restaurant quality and those bastards buy most of this stuff up. You might still be able to find it, if you know your  butcher, but it’s hard and you can expect to pay $15-$25 a pound. Next down is
Choice
and that’s what you’ll usually get at the grocery store and on the counter at the butcher.Plenty good enough for me. If you’re looking at
Select
quality, I suggest you give up and just make hamburgers. Steak may just be beyond you. If you’re too cheap to pay for 
Select
, well you’re out of luck. Anything lower can only be served in prisons or elementary schools.HEAT FOR THE WIN- Before you start grilling, you want it hot. Hella hot. Super hot. If you can hold your hand 4 inches over the grill without tearing up, it’s not hotenough(Chuck Norris is excluded from this test). The number 1 reason your steaks aredry is because your grill isn’t hot enough forcing you to cook it too long.PREPARE YOU MEAT FOR THE GRILL, LIKE A GLADIATOR FOR THE ARENA-Firstly, you should have your meat out at room temp for at least a half hour before youthrow it on the grill. Cold meat does not cook well, the blood can’t move. Then liberallyseason your steak with KOCHER salt and pepper. You may rub a little olive oil on theslab at this point. It can help form that nice crust on the outside that we’re looking for.
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