NEW AND IMPROVED

STIMULUS PACKAGE BY
PM – A NEW YEAR GIFT

The Prime Minister has just announced

a new stimulus package to take the
country forward from single-digit
growth to double-digit growth. The
contours of the New Year gift are:
 1. Working hours cut
Working hours of all companies and
firms have been reduced by five
hours in a week and five-day week
has been introduced with immediate
effect all over India except Jammu
and Kashmir. So that, people are
encouraged to spend more time
outside offices and factories which
in turn will lead to more consumer
spending and eventually boost the
economy.
 2.Tax concessions
Pharmaceutical companies, like, Cipla,
Dr.Reddy’s Labs, Sun Pharma (but not,
Ranbaxy, since it has become a foreign
company recently) are given special tax
incentives so that they copy ‘Viagra’ or
‘sildenafil citrate’ tablets and mass produce
them in India. The increased production of
‘Viagra’ tablets will revitalize the ‘animal
spirits’ of our citizens to spend their time
more intimately with their legally wedded
spouses. This will give a booster dose to more
population and ultimately the country will be
endowed with rich ‘demographic dividend’
which will enable India to compete in a better
way with China. (At least on this score, we
will be ahead of China in the next few years!)
3.LTC/HTC EVERY YEAR

A special Leave Travel

Concession/Home travel
concession (LTC/HTC) has been
given. All private and public
companies/firms have been
directed to provide LTC/HTC
once in a year instead of the
present term of two years. This
will boost tourism industry.
4. Z-PLUS SECURITY TO ALL

The special kind of ‘Z-plus’ and ‘Z’ category

of security has been extended to all MLAs,
MPs, celebrities, film actors, public sector
gazetted officers and other sundry
politicians. This will boost the employment
of ‘aam admi.’ To take care of the
additional expenditure, Mr. Chidaambram,
minister of internal security and well-
known for his innovative taxes, will impose
a 2% surcharge on wealthy income-tax
payers with immediate effect.
5. SHOP TILL YOU DROP!

Shopping malls, theatres, grocery

shops and petty businessmen are
advised to open their shops
throughout the night which will push
up the economic activity in a big
way (In effect, employees and
workers are actively persuaded to
‘sleep’ at workplaces/offices as is
the wont of our mentors in
parliament and assemblies)
6. MORE NPAs & BONUSES

Bank officers who are giving more

loans ‘beyond their call of duty’ will
be rewarded with fast-track
promotions, special bonuses and
other benefits. A special ‘Loan
Ratna’ award will be awarded on
every Independence Day to the top
ten such bankers. Which means, the
more the NPAs, the higher the wages
& incentives for loan mela bankers.
 7. MORE STATES
A bill is being brought out in parliament to
increase the number of states to at least
fifty. This will lead to more chief ministers,
higher number of ministers, more
administrative jobs, etc. This is expected
to inflate our economy by one per cent of
GDP. (However, Central Government will
take all necessary measures to prevent
any king of ‘balkanization’ of the country
as is being feared by our eternally scare-
mongering communists)
FIVE PER CENT BOOST

All these measures in Toto

are expected to boost the
economy by at least five per
cent of GDP.

…the story does not end here

please read on---
 TAILPIECE
Traders on Dalal Street have gathered before BSE
building and started demanding that the name of
the channel ‘NDTV Profit’—which has put up a
giant television screen on the BSE building—be
changed as ‘NDTV Loss’. Taking a cue from this,
page 3 brigade at Bollywood has started shouting
that ‘NDTV Good Times’ be renamed as ‘NDTV Bad
Times.’

Soon, the demand finds its echo in Madras-sorry

Chennai-and a big demonstration is going on at
Marina Beach demanding that ‘Sun’ TV be
rechristened as ‘Moon’ TV. (It is rumoured that
Shtalin is behind this demand)
Concept & execution by: A cynic named Rama Krishna V, living at BKC, BOMBAY – December 19,2008