Professional Documents
Culture Documents
“You’re far too content,” said Dr. Mistle. He scratched the ample beard stubble
on his chin. “According to my charts, you haven’t had so much as a mild episode of
Butterman fidgeted in his seat. “What, you want me to be like those people in
Butterman had spent forty minutes in Mistle’s cramped waiting room. He’d tried
hard not to stare at the heavy set woman who’d repeatedly torn pages from a fashion
magazine, rolled them into little multi-colored balls and thrown them alternately at a fern
or at the short, balding man in a plaid jacket who was in the midst of a shrill altercation
enthusiastically. He gestured vigorously with his well-tanned hands and his gray-blue
eyes gazed at Butterman with evangelical intensity. “They take on particles of the world,
handle them, grapple them like individual challenges, piece by piece. Grasp at them
hungrily. Feeling the world against their body parts.” Mistle flipped through the notes
he’d made in Butterman’s file. “You are drifting through life, Butterman. Your problem
is that you don’t grapple with the essential dilemmas around you.”
iron chair. Mistle’s office always made him feel vaguely uneasy, with its stark, metallic
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furnishings, and evenly hung, uniformly framed black and white photos of impoverished
African villages, deserted weapons testing facilities and 1930s Appalachian coal miners.
“If you can’t even name any dilemmas, you clearly have an enormous lack of
seeing me regularly now, with your unlined face, for two years. I’ve had nothing but
positive reports on your marriage, your career and your relentlessly tame leisure
walked out from behind his desk, as though he were about to walk up to Butterman in his
wrought iron chair and shake him vigorously by the shoulders. “We have to break you
“Of course you see it that way. That’s one of the classic symptoms of irrational
satisfaction.”
at the frayed threads on the psychiatrist’s unapologetic retro tie and the scratches in his
large-lensed glasses. He could smell the old-fashioned pomade that Mistle had
generously applied to his hair. “Because you are out of touch, Butterman. Do you want
to go through life like a monkey in a painted white room that’s sealed off from all outside
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influence and scented with pleasant odors while being strictly regulated in regard to light
and temperature?”
Mistle took Butterman’s silence as an assent. “I thought not. You urgently need
some provoking.” Mistle made the return journey to his chair, his mission seemingly
accomplished. “I’m going to put you on twenty milligrams of Seetherol. It will lift you
Mistle looked at him as if he were the least intelligent boy in a suburban third
grade classroom. “Does a snake see the need for legs? Does a mouse see the need for
wine? What you see and don’t see is exactly the problem.”
Butterman was uncomfortable with Mistle and his barking certitude. “I’ll have to
Exasperated, Mistle shook his head. “I’ll need you to sign a waiver stating that
surround him. Women in green dresses on the tops of scenic mountains. A bowl of
Later that night he sat on his smooth, flower-bedecked patio and sipped at an
Antiguan decaf coffee. From inside came the sounds of Sara, cooing over her latest
scrapbook.
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Several neighbors passed and exchanged brief comments with Butterman relating
to the park shrubbery, the weather and dog breeds. He took another bite of his peanut
butter cookie.
Sarah moved over to the large planter, where she kept her beloved collection of
Still later that night, as anonymous celebrities popped onto his flat screen TV,
Butterman put on his beige sweats and crawled beneath the quilt.
The next day at the office, Butterman sorted his manila folders into piles of those
requiring action in the upcoming month, and those requiring action two months from
now. He was wondering what to do with the Farrington file when the phone rang.
“Who?”
“Mistle.”
“Hello.”
Mistle sighed. “I’m concerned about your case. I need to schedule you for
tomorrow at 2:00.”
“I’m concerned about your case,” Mistle repeated. “It’s vital that you come in.”
“Butterman, I don’t want this to reach a crisis condition. I need you to come in.”
At lunch Butterman went to the Sandwich Tunnel and ordered the Bologna Wrap.
He took small methodical bites as he looked around at the neon orange tables.
Butterman arrived at Mistle’s office at 2:00 pm. A teenage boy sat in the waiting
room firing an air gun at a framed photo of Vietnamese refugees. An overweight woman
was eating macaroons and loudly sharing her sister’s romantic problems with the
receptionist. The receptionist’s phone buzzed and Butterman heard the voice of Dr.
Mistle.
“You’re still feeling O.K?” Mistle said skeptically. He looked up from his folder,
“I feel fine. I don’t know why I’m here. I have plenty to do at work and I made a
“Hmm. You seem to be getting slightly irritated. Maybe there’s hope.” Mistle
took a half-eaten plate of Chinese noodles dotted with dark green vegetables from his
desk and slid it into a wastebasket. He stood and clasped his hands in a significant way.
“My wife? Why did you talk to my wife?” Butterman felt that the circumstances
called for him to stand too, but he didn’t want Mistle to think he was acting irrational and
so he remained seated.
“You didn’t leave me any choice. I’ve received no communication from you
about your wife’s thoughts on the medication. As it turns out, she’s very concerned.”
“Sara’s concerned?”
“Butterman, try to create some of your own thoughts instead of repeating all of
mine. It’s a good practice.” Mistle took a pad of paper from his desk and began
scribbling. “I’m writing you a prescription for twenty milligrams of Seetherol. This will
get you through the next three months. Take it in the morning. Many patients experience
“Night panic?”
Butterman had always been diligent about following directions. He’d taken his
car to the dealership for check-ups promptly as recommended on the maintenance log.
He’d attended every motivational seminar that his company had sponsored within the
past ten years. It was inconceivable that he’d ignore the direct order of Mistle, a certified
and respected practitioner, to take the Seetherol each morning. Yet at first he balked at
After all, Mistle had explained virtually nothing about what the medication was
Butterman looked at the bottle in his white, well-scrubbed bathroom and winced.
He took the first pill with a small slug of water and brushed his teeth.
At first, Butterman noticed nothing out of the ordinary. He would prepare his
toast and read the paper and then drive his car as usual.
By the next week, Butterman found himself waking up at odd hours of the night
the nocturnal ceiling, small red ants appeared at the edge of his field of vision chewing on
segments of string. He shut his eyes and tried submerging himself in sleep again but felt
a premonition of the ominous dark red stoves from his dream making themselves felt and
He got up and made a cup of tea from a small, specialty manufacturer that
immobilized, baffled for direction or stalled in a retail line, waiting for a rudimentary
transaction.
The red ants tugged at the fringes of his thoughts and he felt prickles along his
arms and legs as though fiery ant brigades were performing parade maneuvers on his
skin.
In the grocery checkout line, three women were ahead of him. A middle-aged
woman with a vigorous chin in a rumpled brown coat was ponderously conversing with
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the cashier. Their conversation seemed to spread over a space in time three times longer
than humanly normal. Butterman caught a few words about a recipe involving zucchini.
He shifted from foot to foot. The complacent wavy-haired cashier nodded indulgently at
Butterman glanced at the two other women in line. A hefty matron who was next
in line was stacking packages of generic pasta on the conveyor belt and the woman
directly in front of him was flipping energetically through her checkbook, bits of torn,
As the zucchini lover droned on, the checker having long since finished totaling
her order, Butterman felt the irascible ants close in on the center of his being. The itching
in his arms grew intolerable. He ran his hand jerkily across the top of the chewing gum
display, with its colors of festive jellyfish and a Martian sunset, desperate for some
As time dragged on, the lumpy conversation continuing, he went from fingering
the gum to shifting rolls of breath mints from one spot to another. He’d given up on the
mints and was straightening the magazines when the zucchini woman finally sloughed
The hefty pasta lover now stood before the cashier. She had a dour face spotted
with plum-colored patches and made an unapologetic statement as she came to a stop. “I
She was loud enough for Butterman to hear every word landing in his ears with
round solidity.
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Butterman felt frustrated words poking out of his mouth. He tried to stop them
but dense red bubbles toward the back of his tongue were pushing them forward. “Can’t
you . . . don’t you . . . thinking.” Butterman clapped a hand over his mouth. He was
shocked at himself.
The pasta woman glared at him full in the face. She was a woman who looked as
though she spent a great deal of time in grocery stores. She obviously felt unbounded
personal confidence in a grocery space where her authority had long been respected,
Butterman restrained himself until he could make his purchase. He walked out of
the store with his arms still making jittery motions and his mouth tightly clamped shut.
He’d almost made a scene. He had a desperate urge to slide into a wholesome, gray car
Butterman sat in front of his salad with a dour expression, his face hovering
heavily over the sliced cucumbers, celery, walnuts and organic greens. Marjorie, his
“You should take Sarah out more often,” Marjorie droned on after the ill-kempt
waiter had left. “She loves the theater. That’s what I’ve never understood about you,
Butterman. Can’t you get out of the house? What’s so hard about going to the theater?”
Butterman held his fork in a loose fist. For the past several days he’d tamped
down intermittent upsurges of irritation. Spouts and hillocks of red ant shapes would
appear without foreshadowing at the sides of his field of vision. The organic bacon bits
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in his salad looked ready to wriggle into formation and march out of the bowl onto the
Marjorie chewed noisily on a hunk of eggplant. “Take her to see ‘12 Angry Men’
Marjorie had always been an irritant, but now for the first time Butterman felt like
acting on the state of annoyance she produced. It would an easy matter to destroy their
lunch, to ruin Marjorie’s dress with a misplaced elbow nudge at her towering Roasted
loud, energy-sucking vampire in front of the sedate lunch crowd. He could imagine
“This past year I’ve seen only all-female productions. It’s been a revelation. I’ll
“Constant . . . grating . . .” Butterman’s mouth was getting away from him again,
his large lips exerting a force beyond the power of his muscles to control. “Play blather.”
“Butterman, what on earth are you babbling about? The problem with a man like
yourself is that you have no imagination or appreciation for the arts. I was telling Sarah
just the other day, Sarah, you used to be so good at dioramas and your dressmaking.
How could you marry a man like Butterman, with no artistic leanings whatsoever?”
Butterman jabbed his fork into his napkin and twisted it.
“I’m the one who encouraged her to pursue the ice sculpture business. She had a
vision. She could be making a thousand dollars per sculpture by now. But you didn’t
want to invest in the freezers, did you?” Marjorie was gesturing at him, a dire roasted
mushroom jutting from the end of her fork. “You’re afraid to try anything new. What
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about that line of women’s chili I told you about? Did you ever invest a penny? I can tell
Butterman could feel the itching permeate his calves, his forearms. It was
pressing and skimming across his flesh, insisting on a bitter outburst. A provocation. His
fingers nervously shifted a small plastic tub of Russian dressing back and forth across the
tabletop.
“I don’t know why I put myself through these lunches,” Marjorie went on. “You
though he tried to clamp his lips together. The forcefulness built up under his tongue and
behind his cheeks, creating a restless pool of saliva that dribbled out in bits from the
Marjorie’s face blurred into an image of a compressed giraffe head, her elaborate,
mouth.
He found himself in the grocery store again, analyzing the shoppers with a new,
He saw the authoritative woman with purple splotches on her face, holding a
vigorous discussion with a large butcher, her arms gesturing and their loose flesh
shaking.
Butterman went to the dealership before work for the scheduled routine
maintenance. He entered the gleaming service department, its interior a seamless horizon
The burly service attendant had his back turned and was gazing at a parts catalog.
Butterman hesitantly cleared his throat and at the same time an ambiguous clang came
from the repair center. The bulky attendant turned around, displaying a face that was
dealership’s required neon lime green pullover shirt, his name displayed in black cursive
The attendant looked at Butterman with pale brown eyes and formless, carelessly
arranged lips. There was a long pause as his slack, inactive face waited for Butterman to
make a request.
Their standoff continued, the attendants lips growing slacker, Butterman’s mind
becoming more bristly. When Butterman began to yell, two dealers ran in from the
showroom.
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cabinets with the most overstuffed files and filled them with even more files, the edges of
the paper bent and crumpled, the longer sheets tearing and bunching against the metal file
drawers. At lunch he ordered a longer sandwich than usual, so that he would have more
opportunities to tear it apart, watching the toasted herbs and cheese segments splitting off
from their companions across the bread crust. After work he drove quickly to the
convenience store, anxious to buy large bags of harsh, crunchy snacks that he could begin
to gnaw in the car. He pulled into the driveway with the ants frantically running around
When he walked into the house he saw Mistle hunched over Sarah, his shoulders
working up and down and his mouth making unfamiliar kissing sounds.
Butterman’s head was immediately filled with the mental equivalent of several
hundred fiery ants. He eyes welled up with a quick, angry liquid and he stumbled on the
He swayed unsteadily and found himself leaning near a window sill, a planter
displaying Sarah’s cactus collection. Butterman grabbed a squat, dark specimen with
The couple hadn’t noticed his entrance. Mistle had aggressively positioned his
knees between those of the seated Sarah and Butterman’s wife had her eyes closed, her
head resting back on the sofa, face pointing upward. Mistle was making eager, smacking
Butterman lunged against him with a suddenness he himself was not expecting.
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Butterman’s bulk and uncoordinated lurch propelled Mistle from his perch over
the sofa and sent him sprawling to the carpet. He was still dressed in his office attire of
dress shirt and thin, fraying tie. His hair was mussed and his face flushed a lively
crimson.
He sprawled onto the carpet, caught off guard, and stared up at Butterman. It took
Sarah let out small squeals as Butterman followed Mistle heavily to the floor,
cactus in huge arcs, scraping Mistle’s right cheek, then his shirt front. Ragged stripes of
scarlet blood appeared on Mistle’s face. He cackled roughly, squirming and making
Butterman turned the cacti upside down and jabbed at Mistle’s knees with the
conglomeration of spikes gathered on its crest. Dirt crumbled out of the pot onto the
carpet. “Cheating mental!” blathered Butterman. “Creep in the office. After hours.”
progress!”
Mistle jiggled frantically on the carpet, his arms held above his head, his face
leaning up. “You’ve been taking the medication! You’ve been reliable!”
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Butterman’s face formed into an involuntary snarl, much like the look a well-
maintained farm pig would display if it had suddenly developed homicidal tendencies
Mistle and Butterman were caught in the flood of the strip lighting, Butterman
above, his large arm holding aloft the useful cactus and then diving down, jabbing it into
some part of the psychiatrist, and Mistle, gesticulating and shouting from the floor, as
Marjorie watched the tussle from the lawn, through a large picture window. She
spoke into her cell phone. “Yes, an assault, I’m telling you. Pease send someone right
away. 1495 Springmartin Lane.” She watched, eyes wide, as Butterman flailed on, the
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