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Generic RPG

Generic RPG

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Published by lacertilian
A tiny choose-your-own adventure I wrote way, way back. It is noted for its ample use of the word "ye". Death is pretty likely.
A tiny choose-your-own adventure I wrote way, way back. It is noted for its ample use of the word "ye". Death is pretty likely.

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Published by: lacertilian on Mar 04, 2014
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Thee find thyself plunked into the role of Generic Savior of the World. What will be thine first course of action?A: Destroy the evil threatening the lands.B: Fortify the castle for the final battle.C: Hone your skills at swordplay.D: Kill rats in a sewer.(Incorrect answer: A)Venturing forth into the lands, thee make an important realization: thou art incompetent. Ye flee from an anemic goblin back to the safety of town.(Incorrect answer: B)Thine offers to buffer the stone walls of the castle with mud and feces are soundly scoffed at by King Norbert.(Death answer: C)Whilst practicing with thine wooden sword, thou stab thyself multiple times.Death. The world is doomed.(Correct answer: D)Lo and behold, the sewers doth sparkle; cleansed of the plague of rodents that once infested them. Why this land's hero is reduced to homely ratcatcher, thou shalt never know, but somehow thou felt it was the only choice available. What will be thine next move?A: Retire to your studies to analyze ancient lore.B: Slay the dragon that devours villagers on a daily basis.C: Collect pieces of some useless bauble.D: Teach the villagers to defend themselves using crude farming implements.(Incorrect answer: A)Tragically, though muscular and heroic thine literacy is questionable.(Incorrect answer: B)Nuub'killeh, the dreaded black dragon of Forboding Hills laughs hysterically at thine slaying efforts. Fortuitously, the dragon is far too full of peasant meat to devour ye.(Death answer: D)The villagers, not appreciating thy intrusive demeanor and irritating voice, use their newfound combat abilities to oust thy sorry behind.Death. The world is doomed.(Correct answer: C)With it's 13 shards put back together, the fabled Item of Significance has been restored to it's full glory! Surely the plot would have never advanced without it. However, the forces of darkness gather in the ... darkness. The world has precious little time, ye must move fast!
A: Wander around and do anything that suits your fancy.B: Seriously, that castle is looking pretty shabby.C: Attack the enemy directly.D: Grow a valiant looking moustache.(Death answer: B)King Norbert allows ye access to a building budget and the castle's workforce, but sadly thou cheap castle materials crumble from the walls and crush ye on the second day of work. Tightwad.Death. The world is doomed.(Incorrect answer: C)Ye battle the minions of darkness for a while, but decide to turn back when thy lay eyes on Midboss the Destroyer, Dread Guardian of Evil. Coward.(Incorrect answer: D)Thy moustache looks most gallant. What? You wanted a valiant looking one? Do you even know what a moustache looks like?(Correct answer: A)Traveling the land, helping those in need along the way, ye happen upon The Blade of MacUber III, The Shield of Improbable Durability, and A Huge Backpack. These artifacts will prove most vital in this war, though it strikes ye as strange that the sword and shield were both in unlocked chests in plain sight when to obtain the backpack thou had to do chores and deliveries for 23 random strangers. Nonetheless, thou are now well equipped; time to decide thine next task.A: Amass a hoard of riches the likes of which the world has never seen.B: Unite the world to fight back the demonic menace.C: Continue to mill about and procrastinate, knowing full well that time is limited.D: Charge headlong into the evil fortress.(Death answer: A)Thine large piles of wealth, while marvelously opulent, pose a significant safety hazard. Ye drown.Death. The world is doomed.(Incorrect answer: B)Mysteriously, while travelling eastward to other kingdoms, thou art stopped dead in thy tracks by an invisible force; almost like a wall. Troubling.(Incorrect answer: C)Fruitless.(Correct answer: D)After several hours of the tedious slaughter of woefully underpowered minions, ye arrive in a large empty room. Taking a step forward, thy prompt the lord of these vile creatures to reveal himself! Tis none other than Phlegmisoth, thine sworn nemesis. How will thou defeat this powerful foe?

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