1

The Bang Gang

The boxes went right into the house across the street, moving with military precision. I never really knew my neighbor; I had only seen him around once in a while. He was an older gent, maybe in his early fifties, with a slow shuffle and thinning hair. He would wave to me when he was out mowing his lawn; I always waved back. The For Sale sign on his front lawn wasnt even up for two weeks it was so quick it was strange. My Saturday morning routine was interrupted by a knock on my door. I opened it and a smiling young lady was standing before me. She had long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a lithe build. She couldnt have been more than five feet four inches tall. She was dressed in an old football jersey and blue jeans. She thrust her hand forward. Hi! Im Jess. Im your new neighbor across the street. Welcome to the neighborhood. I shook her hand. Im Mitch. Uhhmmm..I hate to start things off this way, but do you have any nails? Im hanging some pictures well I mean I want to hang some pictures but I dont have any nails. Oh, sure. Cmon in. Oopps. The artifact was sitting on the coffee table. Oh my God. This place really is a mess. I went around picking up a few newspapers here and there. I discreetly scooped up the alien disc while tidying up. Im really not a mooch, you know. Its just that this move has got me off balance. Sounds like a big change. Very big. I have a new job and Im living in a new town, so theres a lot to get used to. She walked up to one of my posters hanging in the living room. Is this an Alistair Grighton? The poster displayed a picture of a 19th Century gentleman outside a movie theater. The golden ticket he held in his left hand contrasted sharply against the dark city in the background. A white dove was perched on a ledge just above him. You know your 1930s pop art, I see. Its a second edition re-print that I picked up at an antique fair. I handed her a box of nails.

2
Thanks! See you around Mitch. With that, she glided out the front door and across the street.

The Sunday patrol was quiet, very quiet indeed. For the past several weekends I had wandered around The Grunge without once stopping a crime. After five hours, I decided to call it quits. I headed back to the car, warmed by the summer sun; it was my only consolation. There had been several robberies and even a shooting in the past week, but it all happened while I was at work. The bad guys were outsmarting me and they were pushing me to a crossroads. At least my car was in one piece. I drove home and the open highway was tempting me, tempting me to just take a break. Over the past several weeks I had spent too much time fighting; fighting job goals, fighting crime, fighting time. I was so busy I didnt even recognize my life anymore. I knew I shouldnt have done it, but I did it anyways. I checked the White Man fan page that my sister helped me set up. Welfare Hero absent again.even the cops are better than this?! Cmon guys! Ive got a 9 to 5 job! I got bills too. I sighed and closed my laptop.

Monday morning I came in to work and got started. I looked at my desk and organized stuff while my computer powered up. The calendar was full of reminders and to-dos and meetings and on and on. Somewhere, on a dirty street, a robbery was taking place; or maybe bullets were flying. Mitch, Mr. Johnson called. Jamie announced in her usual, perky way. Im only one person! Hey, whats the matter? Her voice softened. Is your Uncle Barry OK? Yeah, hes fine. Im sorry to snap at you. Ill call him right away. So where did I spend my lunch hour? Yep, you got it in the heart of The Grunge. I was sitting in a cheap diner eating a fattening, greasy lunch, when three men walked in. They were wearing what looked like police riot gear, but their black uniforms had white metal rods on the arms and legs. Then the shotguns came out. Everyone down! Down on the ground! One of them shouted. In all of the chaos, I fumbled with the disc. It clattered to the floor. You! Get down! One of the masked men shoved me on the floor. I looked up and saw another one rip the cash register off the counter as if it weighed nothing more than a teddy bear. His friend lifted up a large gentleman with both hands and threw him over a table.

3
I could hear sirens coming fast. Before anyone knew it, the police had arrived. I had to admit it, they had beaten me to the punch again. But instead of taking hostages, the three armed men simply walked out the front door. The bullets slowed them down a bit, but no serious damage was done. They returned fire and the police ducked for cover. They sped off in a black sedan. After a few frantic moments, I found the disc and got my game on. I was in luck; the suit was on and I felt faster than ever. I was running down the streets at over 200 miles an hour. The only problem I had was that I didnt see where they were going. I spent the next forty five minutes zipping around The Grunge, but they had gotten away. My dad raised me to be responsible; my mom taught me to always give my best. I know I had just tried to save innocent lives as a super hero, but I felt a gnawing, agonizing guilt when I pulled in to the parking lot. I trotted through the front door and down the hall. There was no use sneaking in to the meeting I was just going to have to bite the bullet. So, the plan is to expand advertising- Jamie gave me a glare. She was kind - but no bones about it the company always came first. I walked up to her after the meeting. I went out for lunch and got a flat tire. Sorry. You can pick up an outline of the meeting from Sue. Mitch, she looked me in the eye, I know that life has its ups and downs, but we need you here. Reliability and dependability are what Gruman and North are all about.

Over the next three weeks, I hunted for The Bang Gang as the news stations were calling them. I looked on the weekends, spent my lunch hours (and sometimes more) scouring the Grunge, and even sometimes came in to work late. The phone rang. Mr. Johnson? Im so sorry I havent returned your calls lately; things have been very hectic around here. Well, wait, just a moment.no.we really do value your business. Youll receive a better deal here. No really- I hung my head and just waited. Mitchell, can I have a word with you please? Jamie was standing in the door of her posh office. I sighed. Yes. Jamie sat down behind her large, fancy desk and invited me to sit. Mitch, your numbers are crashing and your work is taking a nosedive. I just dont know why. Mitch, youre a great guy, you really are. There was a long uncomfortable pause as her eyes darted to her tropical island calendar; she was probably wishing she was there right now. But youre dragging down the whole office. If your numbers are down, it means my numbers are down. Look, I dont want to do this, but if I dont my boss will. Mitchell Im putting you on probation.

4
That night I stared at my fan page. Captain Incredible never asked for help. Maggie playfully nudged me with her elbow. Captain Incredible has great writers who give him all the breaks. I asked my fans and my detractors for help. Any kind of tips they had; something they saw, something they overheard, or even something they guessed. Anything. Then Maggie gave me a hug and left me alone with my thoughts. But thats the funny thing about family; they show up when you least expect them. There was a knock on my door. I opened it up and there was a short, heavy set man, with a big box of pizza. Here. He shoved the box into my gut and smiled that I-know-youre-a-winner smile. Dad! I was a little bit surprised. This was his bowling night. Lets eat. I sat there at the kitchen table, with a slice of pizza in one hand, a root beer in the other. So, thats what happened. Look, there are ten guys out there who want your job. Dad took a gulp of root beer. Youve got to get back on track. Mitch, youre talented and hard working, but be.creativethink outside the box. Daaad.. Mitch, companies arent looking for nice guys, theyre looking for performers. Youve gotta remember that your job comes first; everyone else at work is thinking the same thing. But there are some things I just cant do. Mitch, Im not asking you to make the same mistakes I made. Im just asking you to be smart about your career. Its really tough to get a job nowadays. I have a lot of buddies with nice kids who cant get a break. Just watch your back and get the job done. Thats all they care about, Mitch, get the job done.

Two weeks and several escapades later, I had gathered enough clues to find out the Bang Gangs next target: Sun National Bank smack dab in the middle of downtown. But when? I decided to think outside the box. Hello, Im from Prime West Security. Were a security firm from the West Coast whos looking to provide high quality services to local banks. Id like to ask you a few basic questions to see if youre needs are being properly addressed. Lying was not something that was natural to me. I had done

5
enough on-line research to throw out the proper jargon and ask some good questions. The PR gal on the other end of the line gave me just enough information to know when to make an appearance.

The problem was that I wouldnt be able to make an appearance at all. I put on the suit and felt a little strange. I looked in the mirror and saw absolutely nothing. Of all the times to be invisible.great. So I sat on the corner, with the bank behind me, unseen to all. I was really stumped as to how I was going to pull this one off. I thought about Jamie and my co-workers. I knew that time was running short and that things would get complicated if this took any longer. After waiting about an hour, a green pickup truck pulled up and the Bang Gang came out, guns blazing. At least they were smart enough to change vehicles. All of a sudden, it hit me. I didnt have to save the day, the cops could do that. So when the Bang Gang drove off, they had an extra passenger along for the ride. An anonymous tip brought the police right to their door. I smiled as they were led away in handcuffs. When I got back to my car, I sat there for a moment. I had prepared for this morning as best I could, so now I just had to get it over with. I already had the Jobs section of the newspaper sitting on the passenger seat. I drove to work, parked the car, and calmly walked into the office. Mitchell can I- Jamie was standing in her office. I was walking over before she could finish. I thought you would want to see me. I sat down. I have to let you go. Her face was steely and professional, as if she had practiced this the night before. I understand. I let the company down too many times. You deserve someone better. I got up and shook her hand.

Bfk

2014 Benjamin F. Kaye