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Why do men cheat

Why do men cheat

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Published by Andrew Bracken

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Published by: Andrew Bracken on Oct 17, 2009
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12/29/2012

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“This information is brought to you by Why do men cheat?
Obviously, women cheat too. But as the question came from a woman, only men will be dealtwith here.Men cheat for all sorts of reasons, sometimes it is simply because they can do it, or theopportunity is available. But cheating is done primarily by three types of men: those with lowself esteem, those who are unhappy at home and those who are afraid of commitment and areseeking 'fun'.
Low Self Esteem
Overall, cheating is done by men with mixed, conflicting or weak values. Theyare not firm in their commitment, in their identity of who they wish to be, neither are they sure of what they really want in life. They tend to have low self-esteem and a lack of trust in others. Nomatter how 'good' or faithful the partner is, having one woman is not enough. There is alwayssomeone better outside. Perhaps being deprived of expressive love when they were younger, particularly from their mothers, there is always a doubt in their minds as to how worthy they areto women. Add to that, the competitive nature of their world, where they are always trying toimpress their peers, and the usual answer is also to try to impress as many women as they can touplift their feelings of self worth - regardless of the quality of life at home. But that merelycauses heartache for the chosen women, while reinforcing the men's low self-esteem as 'bad'guys or 'bastards' in a never-ending circle.The serial philanderer is marked by a strong desire to 'prove' something, though he is not quitesure what that is. However, it is usually about his virility, control of women, or ability to attractwomen. Men who go from one woman to another are also the worst at having that done to them,always feeling indignant at their women daring to fancy someone else because that is all part of what they are trying to prove, that they are the best lovers. Yet they are likely to be very poor lovers because it is always about them, no one else, and so they tend to take instead, finding itvery difficult to truly give of themselves.
Unhappy Men
Married men, and those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short-term affair will temporarily resolve any problems they have at homeand prevent them from 'hurting' anyone long term. The fact that their partner is already beinghurt by their lack of attention and affection - and being prevented from finding love too - doesnot seem to come into the picture. There are three problems with this approach. First, it stops themajor conflicts in the relationship being acknowledged, explored and addressed. Second, itmakes the situation worse because any liaison only proves starkly what is already missing athome, especially sexually. Thirdly, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking hisaffections elsewhere which begs the question:
 How does giving one's self to someone else showslove and affection for the person left at home and, above all, accord her due respect for her loveand support?
Finally, men in relationships stray through a conflict of perception. What their women perceivethat men want from them might not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and womenseldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers! So after the honeymoon period isover, when their heartfelt desires haven't been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere. In themeantime the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their 'bad' behaviour instead of looking into themselves to see where they have missed a connection and, at worse,getting out of their demoralising situation. It is always easier to vilify others because it stops us

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