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I found a letter from my dad
Denise's Story after he passed away. His
words read "Don't throw me
My dad was a cross dresser away". I believe in my heart
when I was a child. This I am involved in this out of
made me feel very respect and love from those
uncomfortable around him words that my dad wrote.
growing up. This confused
me with his role of a father in http://help4families.com/?pa
my childhood. I just wanted ge_id=18
him to be my “dad”.
A personal Note
I learned after his passing
that he was in a homosexual I found a letter written by my
relationship. This was dad. This letter had been
another dilemma for me to sent years earlier to me. I
deal with. Even though he had refused to accept it. I
had passed on, it seemed still remember standing in
like another chapter of his the post office. I stood with
life was revealed to me. I this letter in my hand. I had
had questioned this to myself decided that I was not going
growing up. I never told to read or accept any more
anyone about myself communication from him. I
questioning “if he was gay”. asked the postmaster to
Now the truth was there on refuse the letter. You see, I
pen and paper. had always opened my dad's
letters hoping they would tell
There are many of us going of his return and desire to
though this situation. There get the help he so
are many of us out there. desperately needed. I don't
Don't think the Gender know if it would have
Identify Disorder does not changed anything or not if I
exist or hurt people. It is not had accepted this letter then.
as funny as the T.V. programs The point I am making by
portray. sharing it now is, I believe I
am doing now what my dad
I can know what it is like asked of me in this letter.
living with someone who was
hurting deep inside with the Denise,
Gender Identity Disorder. I
lived to experience and know I know I was not a good
the emotional pain within my father. In so many ways I
father and my family. failed. But I tried to do what
was right and always seem to father as a man. As he grew
make a mess of everything I older, his defiance grew
ever did. If I could do it all deeper towards his father. He
over again I would try much detached himself early in life
harder to do better. from his father. The family
unit was dysfunctional.
Please do not just throw me Verbal abuse would be the
away as if I don't exist. I type of abuse I witnessed
know I did you wrong in between my grandfather and
many ways. I can not change my dad. My dad viewed my
it. It took place. I do not grandfather’s world as a
remember a lot of things, place he did not want to be.
just like so much of my He totally detached himself,
childhood. feeling that the man world
was not a safe place for him
I tried to show that to be.
something was still there
when I sent your birthday 2. Feels disconnected from
card and signed it dad. the masculine world. My dad
did not feel he could connect
God Bless you to the masculine world.
I do love you When he visited with people,
Dad he seemed to be more
comfortable with the woman.
http://help4families.com/?pa He would prefer to talk with
ge_id=194 the woman. I noticed this as
a child and thought it was
Possible causes to strange. I was also surprised
consider that no one seemed to
recognize this? "Don’t they
Let’s take a look at the some see it?" I used to ask myself.
of the characters that may I believe my dad felt safer
lead someone into the life and more accepted in the
style of cross-dressing or woman’s world more than in
sexual reassignment surgery the man’s world. It was
(SRS). where he felt he could
connect.
1. Attaches oneself to mom’s
world. Attaches himself to 3. Does not feel part of the
her as the safest place in the male world and feels out of
world. Desires to be loved by place when in the male
a man like his mother. My world. There was a time
dad never truly felt loved as when my mother was in the
a son or accepted by his hospital. This left my dad to
take care of his five children When you don’t feel good
and the household choirs. I about yourself and can never
remember him being in the measure up to someone
living room, folding laundry else’s standards, you are
on the couch. I was on the bound to struggle with low
left side of him just watching self esteem. My dad went to
him while he was whistling school for masonry. He did
folding the laundry. It was not follow through with it
like he was totally in his own long for a career. He worked
little world of pretend. It was for my grandfather where he
like he was truly in his glory, was known for his laziness.
taking care of the house as a Then he tried his own
woman does. He was living construction business. No
his dream for a few days. matter what he did through
life, he struggled with low
4. Envious of girls. Envious of self esteem. How we are
the way a girl looks. Envious treated by other’s can cause
of the love and attention girls low self esteem. If a child is
receive from males. I truly not ever praised but only
despised the way my dad comes to know the tearing
would comment on how lucky down, that child will come to
I was to be pretty. I despised find a lonely friend known as
the way he would look at my low self esteem.
body as I started to develop
into a young woman. I hated 6. Emotional wounds from as
the way he would just stare early as childhood. Emotional
at my breast. He was envious or physical wounds that are
of me being a girl, something suffered are carried with us
he could never be. I hated through life. It can become a
being a girl around him. As I part of who we are and how
started to date and have we turn out in life. If
boyfriends over he would molesting takes place it is
give a glare that would go devastating to a person. The
right through you. wounds are carried with you
Sometimes the way he through life. If you are
behaved around my mistreated you can carry
boyfriends showed his those wounds for the rest of
enviousness of not being a your life. My dad's emotional
girl going out with a boy. I wounds were carried
could see this in his eyes and throughout his life and the
felt all of this growing up emotional wounds had a
with his attitude. deep seeded root. Perhaps
the root started when my
5. Low self esteem of oneself. dad was molested as a young
boy. He never shared by eyes just how much this
whom. In his last days he addiction had taken a hold of
would put his finger up to his him and had him captive in
lips as if to say "Shhhh" his own prison.
whenever the question was
raised. A man once said, “If a lie is
told long enough it becomes
The book The Masculine Soul the truth.” What truth these
is helpful in understanding words speak. The enemy will
what happens when “boys” try to convince us that we
are not lead into “manhood.” really don’t have a choice.
Every boy needs a father or This is the way you were
father figure who will love born, etc. For those who hear
them and teach them about these false words and tell
the life of being man. Instead themselves over and over
of men teaching their sons to again "I was born this way"
hunt, fish, play sports or really becomes convinced
work on cars the young boys that they are a female or
are pushed more with mom. male when in truth they are
Mom’s do the best they can, not. Satan is an opportunist.
but ultimately our sons need He will take advantage in
a man to help lead the way. every way possible to
enslave someone. His powers
I know my dad never felt he are in generating lies. My
could live up to his father’s pastor recently made the
expectations as a man. My following comment, “When
dad gave up early in his we find Christ and are born
years to even try. It was again Satan's power is lost,
easier for him to escape into BUT his will is not. We will
his fantasy world than to have struggles until we reach
reach out for help and to face heaven.”
the reality of his cross-
dressing addiction. When he Choosing your gender
left our family he had bags identity can be based on
upon bags of clothing someone telling you “You’d
stashed in the garage attic. It make a good girl” or “You
seemed no matter where you should have been born a
went in our home there was girl.” Hearing those words
his stash. Isn’t this what we could haunt someone just
find with someone who is like the comments “You're
addicted to drugs or stupid,” “You're ugly,” “You’re
pornography? The feel good a girl” or even “You’re gay.”
drug is hidden for their fix? The words we speak can
We had seen with our own affect someone’s self image
of themselves. We often what has been shown!
unconsciously accept such We Do not focus! Saying its
judgments as the accurate not so!
truth. Other influences can Yet the search goes on and
bring a reaction to the soul on and on!
and spirit My dad's heart ached
because of what he had lost;
I have written some of my his inner self and his family.
dad’s writings that I had He found incompleteness
found along with his personal with his life as a transsexual.
items after his passing away. My dad continued to search
You be the judge. Does it for peace that he never
sound to you that living this found. You can certainly hear
life is a happy choice our pain from his words. My
loved one makes? If your heart aches to know that my
loved one says he has found dad was so miserable. Life is
happiness in being a woman, so precious. Life is a gift. To
I say they are deceiving know a loved one who is
themselves entirely. living with such turmoil
inside brings you to a hurting
My Heart Aches place for them. As angry and
hurt as we become with our
My heart aches from my loved one, we truly do not
losses! desire them to be in this
From my incompleteness! much pain.
Is this the way it will be?
I am missing something! http://www.help4families.co
Change, change, change m/causes.htm
Always the need to feel
changes Definition of Terms
My heart aches from my
losses! Homosexual
Where am I? One who is attracted to a
Who am I? member of the same gender
All is loss! in erotic, physical and
emotional ways. This person
Searching is trying to connect with a
member of the same sex in
Search our minds! To become order to feel complete and
ourselves! fulfilled. The most credible
Don’t recognize, what’s research indicates that this is
there! not a genetic malady at all,
Don’t recognize, who’s there! but rather a result of
Saying, just not possible! For unresolved childhood
emotional wounds. The Pain

Transsexual As a family member, you will


One who feels they need to find all sorts of questions
be a member of the opposite going through your mind and
sex. They feel uncomfortable heart. Sometimes you will
in their God-given gender question yourself about what
role and out of place in you might have done to
society due to the incongruity cause this to happen to your
between their real and loved one. You may ask
perceived sex. They will often yourself the following
resort to the ingestion of questions… Where did I go
hormones of the opposite sex wrong? How can I fix this?
and undergo extensive Where do I go for help? Who
mutilating surgery in order to will truly understand what I
finally feel good about am going through? Who do I
themselves. trust? Why me? Why my
loved one?
Cross-
dresser/Transvestite You may fear gossip and find
This is the person who likes yourself avoiding those who
to dress as a member of the may ask about your loved
opposite sex in order to one. The shame and fear you
achieve a sexual high and feel can leave you believing
temporary “feel-good.” This that you must bear this
person is not one who wants heavy burden alone. You
to live full-time in the role of grieve in silence.
the opposite sex. It is far
more prevalent in men than You may begin to question
women. how you feel on the issue
you are facing, now that you
Drag Queen have a loved one involved.
One who dresses and You may feel lost,
emulates women in order to overwhelmed, angry,
get men’s attention. They rejected, guilty, isolated, and
don’t desire a sex change. depressed. In some ways, it
will feel as if there has been
SRS/GRS a “death” in the family but
Sexual reassignment with no funeral; no
surgery/gender reassignment completion. The hurt goes on
surgery is the act of having from one moment to the
surgery to change the sexual next. There is a mourning
identity. process that takes place for
all of us who have seen
husbands, fathers, sons, trust. There are people you
brothers, and grandfathers can seek out: a Pastor,
leave our family units as a Christian counselor, support
result of the painful choice group, online support group,
they have made; a mourning friend, or relative.
process with no closure.
As a little girl, I thought
Somehow, you have to pick maybe I was causing my
up the pieces and go on with father to feel this way. I
life. You will miss the person would spend time trying to
you once knew and had in think of ways to fix him. I
your home but you must now thought if I was good, if a
acknowledge that this loved day could go by without him
one has chosen a radical getting angry at me, if I just
change. showed love to him, then
maybe I could fix things and
No matter what religious, make my father into a happy
moral, or political beliefs you father-man. It has been a
hold, you could find yourself lengthy process for me to
in a position of having to deal overcome this feeling of
with, and understand, responsibility I have carried
Gender Identity Disorder or, since childhood. I also
gender-dysphoria, as it is carried a huge weight for my
sometimes called. When I siblings, particularly, my
first found out about my brothers. They were my
father, I remained quiet and brothers, born male, and I
hidden. That was my choice did not want them to begin
for 30 years. to question their gender
because of what our father
I didn't know who to trust did.
and so I trusted no one. I
bore my spiritual and I came to realize that fixing
emotional burden alone. I my father was not in my
felt sometimes as if I were power. It would take God's
drained of life. As a little girl, power. But first, my father
I saw my world through my would have to surrender his
Mom's eyes. She thought the will and seek Christ's help.
world would hurt us if the
truth were known. I followed This is an important concept
her example and remained to remember. Your family
isolated and alone. member is the only one who
can decide to ask for help in
I know better now. Be wise recovery. I would not be so
and find someone you can bold as to give anyone a
recipe for how this should desire. The family is no
happen. Even after my longer number one. Little or
experience, I do not no thought has been given to
understand just what it is the long-term effects this will
that needs to happen within have on everyone in the
a particular person for them family.
to reach out for help. What
makes an alcoholic or a drug- http://www.help4families.co
abuser seek help? m/pain.htm

If you have a parent who You are not alone


suffers with gender-identity
disorder, don't be surprised if Through the e-mails I've
you, too, question who you received and the
were born to be. I questioned conversations I have had
myself if I was born the with family members, I try to
wrong gender. I also encourage them with
wondered if my father had understanding and love. They
homosexual feelings, did that are traveling a road whose
mean that I could. path is uncertain. I learned
through my life experience
Children are particularly that this road is long and
vulnerable to struggles if painful. The correspondence
their father cross-dresses or with people remind me of the
is a transsexual. They will fact that there are others out
have trouble with friendships. there who know and hurt in
Who wants friends who may the same way and there are
come home with them after others dealing with these
school and find their father issues. As I started the
dressed as a woman? Or who ministry Help 4 Families I
would want friends over for a found peace in the words
sleep-over? The child will feel "You Are Not Alone." I felt
safer if there is no chance of alone from the very day my
any of his peers finding out. father told me about
personal struggles and up
The person who tells their until the day of his death. I
loved ones that they are had no one to confide in or
going to have sex-change talk to. That can be such a
surgery is showing their true lonely and scary place. I
self-centeredness. They are want others to know that
putting themselves first and "You Are NOT Alone". There
saying, “This is what I want!” are others who struggle with
They have left everyone else the same issues you are
in order to satisfy their own having to face.
you tell your children that
Other family voices and their grandpa is now a
experiences are shared to grandma? I cannot see
encourage you that you are myself seeing him again
not alone and there are when he is wearing women’s
others who are facing this clothing, earrings and make
same kind of crisis. Here are up to top it off.
some other voices sharing
their pain and agony……. I learned at the age of 14
My father has turned to that my dad cross-dressed.
cross-dressing to feel like a My mom wanted me to know
woman. This concerns me the truth. I’m now in my
because of future 20’s. I’m glad she did tell me
grandchildren. He has not sooner in life. My dad
truly considered any believes that going through
ramifications from his choice. the operation is the only way
he can cure his pain. I
My dad had just received his believe it is a temporary fix
new driver’s license with a until life stares him in the
“corrected gender.” Every one eyes again and he realizes
knows of his full intention to the pain still exists.
have sex reverse surgery.
Our government goes along I have been married for 26
with it just like society. He years. I have hid a dark
just wants me to go along hurtful secret. I am just
with it and I can’t. It kills me about through with this
inside when I see him all whole hurtful mess. I
dressed up as a woman and recently learned about
earrings to top it off. It feels someone else who shares the
like a dagger in my heart. pain of having a cross-
dresser for a husband.
My teenage son was recently
caught cross-dressing in his Our son just told us he was
bedroom. I found panties, gender dysphoric and he was
bras, teddies. I am not sure taking hormones to become
where to go in order to help a woman. He is walking down
him. a scary path. Some of our
close friends are supporting
I am unable to escape the our son and that hurts. They
truth about my dad. I want have no idea of where this
people to pray for my dad. I will lead him.
felt angry as dad’s
selfishness seems to be all I pray every day that God
that he cares about. How do will heal my brother. I feel
like I’m slowly dying. I don’t to be a woman was inborn.
show it from the outside but He wants me to pretend he is
my inside is hurting. I try to my sister and go shopping
block it out. I’m so confused. together as two girls. I can’t
do this. I have a daughter
This would kill my mom if and I’m concerned of the
she knew about my brother. effect this will have on her.
My brother said this is no How do I tell my daughter
one's business but his. I she now has an aunt instead
don’t want kids any more. I of an uncle?
am scared of how they will
turn out after living this with My husband recently shared
my brother. with me that he was going to
make an announcement that
My son just turned 17. His would impact our children’s
friends have encouraged him lives and I would need to be
to believe he is a girl. It there for the kids. He shared
started with him shaving his that he had been seeing a
legs. My son is wearing skirts psychiatrist and both of them
and a padded bra to school. were convinced that he
How could this be should have been a woman.
happening? It is like an evil One of my children told
personality has taken over people that her dad was
him. The people who dead. Another child began to
encouraged him seem to be drink. This has impacted
in control of him. their lives in one way or
another. My daughter shared
My brother is a born again that she and her brother
Christian. He just shared with can't believe how lightly this
me that he is going to subject is treated on talk
change his sex. He does not shows. You never see this
listen to me because, like side of it.
your father, he found a
church and friends who My son just shared that he is
support his lifestyle. I am so going to have sex reverse
angry that he would do this. surgery in September. He
I cry for him because of the never had feminine
choice he has made. He characteristics. We cannot
knows better. support his decision. My
heart aches for him and few
My brother is 40 and believes people understand what this
he is a woman and he is is like when it touches your
different then transsexuals. family.
My brother claims his desire
I have noticed that my your child.
nephew likes to play with girl
stuff. He does not care about I find there are days where I
anything that would relate to break down and cry
the boy world. I am very hysterically because my
concerned that this may not husband’s desires of being a
be a "phase" he is going woman hurt others and it is
through. going to hurt my kids
immensely.
My father is 38 years old and
believes he wants a sex My brother is a born again
change. We are shocked by Christian. He told me he is
this. He has never showed going to change his sex. I
any feminine attitudes or don’t understand how a
characteristics. We have tried Christian can do this. I told
to talk to him. My father is him I don’t agree with his
going for electrolysis of some choice. He always wants to
kind. I am scared to death debate the issue with me. I
for him and I cannot support have cried so much. It is like
this decision. My heart is my heart has been torn in
breaking in half. half.

My ex-husband announced My son just turned 17. My


on an important family day son’s friends have
that he was going to become encouraged him that he is a
a woman. One of our girl. He rejects me. He treats
daughters has started to me with contempt. It started
drink heavily and our other with him shaving his legs last
child has started to pop pills summer. He left the house
to numb her feelings. We today as a flamboyantly-
cannot believe how lightly dressed female and appears
this subject is treated on talk to be wearing a padded bra.
shows. I am left to deal with It is like an evil personality of
his fall out with life because a girl called Barb has take
of what this is doing to our over a loving, good young
children. man.

I have a 32 year old son. He I am trying to come to terms


told us he was gender on how my role as my
dysphoric and was taking father’s son will change. He
hormones to become female. wants to live his fantasy life
He has legally changed his as a woman. He does not
name. As parents, this is realize the effect this will
scary to watch happening to have on his grandchildren.
How do you explain else will say something that
something like this to is hurtful, argumentative, or
children? A family member misunderstood. You do not
mentioned that there is a want to add any more hurt to
support group for family the life of your loved one but
members of transsexual you are faced with two
people. But I don’t agree choices: you can go along
with their theory or with what your loved one is
acceptance of this. I don’t doing no matter how much it
know who he is anymore. hurts you inside, or, you can
speak your heart, taking the
When I came home from chance that you will not be
school today my dad was in a heard or that you may hurt
dress. I was so embarrassed. the listener. From my own
He wants me to accept this experience, I encourage you
change. I feel like I’ve lost to speak out what you know
my dad. I wonder how he will to be true. Do not say one
come dressed at my thing and mean the other.
wedding. This can cause more damage
than you might imagine.
http://www.help4families.co Stand firm on what you
m/alone.htm believe.

Finding peace with One Sunday morning, my


ourselves minister used the word
admonishing. He told us this
No matter what might be word can be described as
going on around us, we must “Someone giving you
find a place of peace within scripture that shows how
ourselves. We don't like your life is not lined up with
conflict or hurt feelings. Yet, how God would have you
in reality, conflict and hurt live.” My pastor continued
feelings are a fact of life. We saying that admonishing is
cannot always avoid hurting not a "one time shot." He
those around us. However, it encouraged us to be
is what we do with the hurts persistent.
and trials that can make us
or break us. So what does that say to us
in talking with family
As you face the reality of members involved with
someone close to you dealing gender-identity issues? It not
with a gender-identity only says that we should line
problem, you can be sure up the behavior of our loved
that either you or someone one with what the Bible
teaches but we must also distress and ask them to
speak the truth to them IN keep you in their prayers.
LOVE. Only you can decide Prayer is an awesome tool we
how that will work in your can, and should, use. James
situation. Sometimes, you 5:13 says, "Is any one of you
may lose all contact and such in trouble? He should pray."
persistence will be God is waiting to come close;
impossible. In my situation, I to hear your hurts and
lived with this issue for 29 needs; to provide comfort
years. I did have the and peace. He wants us to
opportunity to voice my talk to Him. Prayer can give
loving concern many you strength to carry on. It
different times right up to the can remind you that you're
time of my dad's death. I not alone. It can give you
never backed down from hope for tomorrow. James
where I stood but when I 4:10 reads, "Humble
spoke to my dad, I was yourselves before the Lord,
loving and caring. You must and He will lift you up."
put away mean and vicious
words even when you're What about forgiveness? It is
hurting within yourself. hard to forgive someone
Choose your times to talk when they have caused so
and then talk. much hurt, pain and stress.
However, the Bible
My prayer for my dad is commands us to forgive.
found in Colossians 1:9. "For Forgiveness is "letting go or
this reason, since the day we setting aside." Being able to
heard of you, we have not forgive will strengthen your
stopped praying for you and own well-being. Let go of the
asking God to fill you with mind-set that says the other
the knowledge of His will person must suffer and be
through all spiritual wisdom hurt. Personally, I found
and understanding." myself in this vicious cycle
for much too long. I thought
This prayer for my dad that if I forgave my father, I
continues to be my prayer for would have to give up the
all the families going through idea of getting back at him.
trials and conflicts in their After 29 years, I have finally
lives. found the freedom that
comes with being able to
When someone is hurting, forgive. I wish it had
you may say, "I'll be praying happened much sooner. Once
for you," or you may go to I gave up what I thought was
others when you're in my right to anger and
retaliation, God began to youth who may be facing a
heal me in wondrous ways. parent whose gender has
For each of us, this is a changed.
personal choice. It is my
prayer that you do not have This section has been
to wait twenty-nine years to dedicated to the young
feel the freedom that comes people who are searching for
with forgiveness. their own answers when
facing the issue of dad or
Take one day at a time. Face mom changing their gender
the reality ahead of you. Life by surgery. This can be a
has changed. Believe that devastating and life changing
you can get through this very experience for anyone. The
rough time in your life. You youth deserve a special
cannot change your section that they can connect
circumstances, but you can to with encouragement.
change the way you deal
with them. Avoid isolation. I There are a lot of questions
witnessed the consequences that you may be asking
of isolation in the life of my yourself. It is important to
dear mother. Isolation is dark figure out how you feel and
and unhealthy. Find a how you are going to deal
support system that works with your emotional pain,
for you, allowing you the uncertainty and/or confusion
normalcy of a time of grief that has impacted your life
and anger but also with your parent’s gender
encouraging you to move change.
beyond those emotions to a
time of increasing peace and You are probably asking
hope. yourself “What has just
happened to my family?”
http://www.help4families.co There are many emotions
m/peace.htm that you may find yourself
struggling with, such as;
teen links shock, rejection, grief,
sadness, anger, resentment,
A young man had contacted isolation and denial. This is
me in regards to my book normal. But, remember it is
“My Daddy’s Secret”. best for you to deal with any
Through many discussions feelings and thoughts that
with him, I had invited him you may have difficulty with.
to work with me on a youth Stuffing your emotions down
link that would hopefully in will not make it go away or
bring encouragement to the make it easier to deal with in
the end. mutilating and sexual
experiences will not help you
Hope is what we need to to successfully deal with your
replace our hopelessness and pain. It will only medicate
despair with. You matter to your pain for a period of time
Christ and he has the power and possibly affect you with
to help you get beyond the an addiction by running in to
place you are. Hebrews 6:19 these type of methods. This
This hope we have as an would only harm you and
anchor of the soul, a hope bring negative consequences.
both secure and steadfast 5. It is so important to
and one which enters within remember this is not your
the veil. fault. Do NOT blame yourself
for what has happened or
Please remember the “think” that you are
sensitivity to these issues personally responsible for
and area’s of your life that your parent’s change.
this is impacted. If you feel 6. Know that you are an
you need a counselor, please individual, separate from
speak to someone and let your parent. There may
them know of your need to times that you wonder if you
do so. will be effected by gender
identity because of having a
1. Know you are NOT parent who struggles or
alone! decides to change their
2. Talk to someone you identity. The important thing
can trust. Finding someone to remember is that you are
you can trust allows you to indeed an individual.
feel more comfortable in 7. If you are questioning
releasing your true thoughts yourself and wondering if you
and feelings. Be honest to will to have this struggle
the individual you trust. because of your parent. Just
Honesty will help you with remember not all boys/men
your individual healing. are manly. Some men are
3. Do not feel pressured artistic. Some men are more
by yourself or others that gentle then others and don’t
your pain or emptiness is fit the macho mold. These
wrong or selfish. What you traits do not make anyone
feel is real and does matter. less of a man. Some women
It is important for you to don’t enjoy cooking or the
know that what you feel traditional “girl” role, but
counts. connects to guy hobbies.
4. Know that drugs, Again, those traits do not
alcohol, eating disorders, self
make anyone less of yrs. old) and Zackary
girl/woman.
8. Build yourself up by http://www.help4families.co
being who you are as an m/teen_links.htm
individual. You are special
despite what you may think To The Churches
or how you may feel about
yourself during this rough Gender Identity Disorder or
time. Build yourself up by Same Sex Attraction has
being who you are. many people questioning
9. Never give up on your themselves: Was I born in
own healing. Always the wrong body? Am I
remember one day at a time! homosexual?
10.
Psalm 31:22 What is the church's
In my alarm I said, "I am cut response?
off from your sight!" Yet you
heard my cry for mercy when As we look around our world
I called to you for help. we can’t help but notice the
confusion people live in.
The child is supposed to be These difficult issues are
loved and cared for. It is not real. The people and families
your fault if you feel you dealing with these issues are
have not received the love real and hurting. It is not just
you need. A parent’s role is adults who are confused
to protect and nurture their about themselves. Our
child. Parents are supposed children are on the list of
to give you support and those who are struggling.
understanding for any Take a moment to ponder the
hardships you may come effects our world is having on
across. Instead parents want individuals who are our
you to give them friends, neighbors, or loved
appreciation for deserting ones, perhaps even the
you to follow their desires person standing beside you
and dreams. Remember that in church.
it is not your fault if your
parent had not taken care of We can be a light in today’s
your needs. Try to separate world. A helping hand in dark
their problems from yourself and difficult times to those
and know that it is not your who are waiting for someone
fault. to reach out to them. If the
(Anthony 16 yrs old) church is the body of Christ
why aren’t we reaching out
Dedicated to Anthony (16 to others in need?
with a Christian world view,
who is familiar with
Jesus loves everyone. God’s counseling homosexuals and
word alone has the power to their families and who
change every one of us, believes strongly that
including those who suffer homosexuality can be
transgender and same sex overcome, is a good place to
attraction issues. start. Christian counselors
experienced in co-
To enable us to reach those dependency, especially for
and their family members we sexual addictions is another
need to first go to our knees excellent point.
in prayer and seek Gods
wisdom. 3. Encourage her to remain
with her husband, especially
We pray that the links on the if her husband is willing to
left will help as you learn get help but prepare her to
how to reach out. leave. The husband has to be
the one to decide to get well.
And all things you ask in Encourage her to find a part
prayer, believing, you shall time job to prepare for
receive. possible reentry into the
- Matthew 21:22 work world if she is a stay at
home mom. Help her find
http://www.help4families.co child car and also time for
m/churches.htm her to spend with her
children. Mothers with small
For the wife children might want to
consider working in a
Help, My husband wears daycare situation where they
women’s clothing can keep small children with
(written by a wife) them. Help her find a
Christian family lawyer who
What the wife needs: can guide her through this
process with prayer, grace
1. Prayer. This of course is and hope. If a trial becomes
the standard answer in the necessary, have someone
church, but this is also the from the church go with her.
best place to start. See that
she has a strong woman 4. Help the wife seek out
prayer warrior who will pray others in her situation. While
with her on a regular basis. this kind of situation is
becoming more and more
2. Counseling. A counselor common, it is still rare
enough that she’s not going husband and his wife in often
to quickly find other women tough but tangible ways.
near by who are going
through this. The internet http://www.help4families.co
can provide a group that will m/for_wives.htm
be supportive and
encouraging to her. Help her For Parents
to be discerning and careful
with the online group she
chooses.
A Mother’s surrender of an
5. No matter what your adult child with Gender
opinion about her husband’s Identity Disorder
behavior, remember that the
wife is hurting and scared. My child is wayward and
She needs your love and confused. No matter what I
compassion. She is not going try to say to him, he
to heal her husband by being responds with bitterness and
a better wife. Healing malice
belongs in the hands of her
husband and God. My heart is broken, my soul
weary, I have done all that I
What do you say to a woman could but he still will not
who comes to the church and listen and see the truth
says that her husband cross- clearly
dresses or wants to be a
woman? In a world where The stress that he has
right is wrong and wrong is caused through refusing to
right, the church is get well has been like a
confronted with a variety of weight around my neck that I
issues that often are not as have been holding
black and white as they were
just one generation ago. No more preaching, no more
What do you say to a woman fights now, not even a
who has the media and scolding
science telling her that she
needs to accept that her For I have come to a place
husband is a woman trapped where there is no other
in a man’s body. There is option
hope of healing for both the
wife and the husband. The I must give my child up to
hope comes not in accepting his Father for Adoption
untruths, but embracing
Christ and loving both the
His father Loves him more Keep your hand of correction
than anyone in the world upon him, take him under
your wing until his blind eyes
He chose him to be His son are open to the truth
not a daughter, not a girl
Remember Father your
He chose him before he was promise that in the last days
even in my womb you will pour out your spirit
on our youth
For him to live and not to die
that is why his father bled So, today I have to say
and died for him and was Goodbye for now, trusting
raised out of the tomb you, Lord, no more worries,
no more fears
His father loves him very
much and is pleased with HIS I need you to help me to
SELECTION move forward and wipe away
my tears
I know that when I give my
son up, His father will keep I hope that you will deliver
him under His protection him now and it will not take
another seven years
So, Father God, Lord Jesus, I
have done all that I could Lord, my hope is in you and
and I cannot do anymore no other
I thank you in advance for
I am tired and weary and answering my prayers as his
there is no other way, the mother
best thing that I can do now
is give him to you and to Written by Lily
continue to pray
Year 2009.
Please take your son and
hedge him in the way only http://www.help4families.co
you can do m/parents.htm

Make things for him rough, homosexuality


because your Love is tough,
give him no slack "The old Puritan idea that the
devil tempts men had this
God corrects the ones He remarkable effect, it
loves in order to bring them produced the man of iron
back who fought; the modern idea
of blaming his heredity or his
circumstances produces the position is that today’s
man who succumbs at once." “political climate” cannot be
(Oswald Chambers, "My the final answer. We feel that
Utmost for His Highest," everyone is to be free to live
p127). their life as they want, which
gives lots of latitude to the
***** pro-gay or the pro-straight
movement. “Live and let live”
You are not going to find is an appropriate appeal from
here an adversarial attempt either position. We are not
to demean or lessen anyone’s trying to condemn or criticize
views regarding the present anyone for their life-choices;
cultural & highly politicized we are attempting to
pro-gay movement. Nor will understand what makes us
you find any attempt to “tick” and what, if anything,
discredit any human being’ s can be done to help those
inestimable worth, which is who yet proclaim their
not influenced or negated by inalienable right to live as
his or her particular free-willed humans, who can
persuasion regarding one’s yet make a choice on how
sexual identity. they are to live.

This entire website is There seems to be


devoted to those who find differences & similarities
their present state of affairs inherent in the life of the
in tremendous inner turmoil Homosexual and Trans-
because of their natural Gender person.
inclination to engage in
behaviors that are not
pleasing to themselves. The Homosexualit Transsexua
attempts to prove the y lity
“rightness” or “wrongness” or 1. Poorly 1. Remains
“causes” for same-sex developed attached
preferences is only an relations with emotionally,
attempt at best, for the jury same-sex if not
is still out! And there are not parent and literally, to
clear-cut, unbiased reasons peers Mom's soft
for or against the behavioral and very
conditions contributing to safe world.
these conditions.
2. Deep-seated 2. Deep-
We do not pretend to know Envy of Men seated envy
the definitive answers. We and of girls: "I
only want to make clear our overwhelming want to have
desire to look her Her....clothin
like, or have experience." g,
their physical mannerisms,
attributes. "I speech,
want to have roles,
his interests,
experience." charm, easy
3. A self- 3. life.
protective pull Disengaged 6. Deep-seated 6. Feels
towards the from the departure from totally
nurturing male world & the threatening disconnected
mother; away feels out of masculine; in his heart
from the place desire to be from
distant, angry, there...and like men, but masculine
unattractive, self- feels very world with
uninvolved protectively different. chronic
father. finds his returns to
solace in what most
becoming symbolizes
just like her.
Mom &
females by MOMMY & ME
wearing
clothing & "Bonding takes place when
adopting the Mother responds to the
mannerisms needs of the child, the needs
Dress, and for closeness, for being held,
desires of for food, and for changing.
females. As a baby experiences needs
4. An idolatry 4. An and the mother's positive
of becoming idolatry of response to those needs, he
identified with "Ms. or she begins to internalize,
‘Mr. Right," who Perfect," & or take in, an emotional
will make all her roles. picture of a loving, constant
things better. mother. They think, ‘Mommy
5. The "sissy 5. Becomes and me are the same.'
syndrome"...fe more
eling very identified It's sometimes called
different from with the symbiosis, a sort of
men & more Female's ‘swimming in closeness,' with
like Mom & her world & all mother. This symbiotic union
safe, nurturing that is the reason babies panic
world/clothes. symbolizes when mother isn't around.
No one can comfort them but forerunners of the present
their mother." misinformation-generation
(Boundaries, p. 65., by tried to prove a genetical
Townsend & Cloud) link-up was Dr. Simon LeVay;
who undertook to prove such
“GOD MADE ME THIS WAY” was the case, using his own
life’s experience as his main
Science has become the final verification, which were
word for our present cultural nothing less that his own
climate. That being the case, pre-conceived notions, (not
why do the professionals feel true science!)
the need to foster lies drawn
from bogus studies to back "I will prove that
them up? homosexuality is an inborn
genetical condition, or I will
"God made you that leave science altogether."
way...so enjoy your true self
and have a party!" Does this opening statement
sound like unbiased scientific
As much as I have tried to inquiry to you? The facts are
align my own thinking to that that he had just lost his gay
of the popular-politically- lover to death, a death
correct press, the fact caused by AIDS...and was
remains, “There are to date desperately trying to explain
only hypothesis that would or justify his own sexual
support the notion that identity confusion, by a
homosexuality or creating a hoax. Think this
transsexuality are caused by through and you will have to
a genetic connection.” agree this was and remains
(Consult with NARTH, a at its best, "poor-science."
national coalition of
professionally licensed He later had to confess that
psychiatrists and his study was indeed a hoax,
psychologists, who have an attempt to persuade an
made no verifiable unsuspecting public & naive
connection between genetics medical community that it
and these two conditions. was caused by an in-born
And they themselves still gene, thereby directly caused
refer to these as “disorders.”) by God.

GENETIC ARGUMENTS = Hence, how can anyone


POOR SCIENCE argue with that?

One of the most influential "If God did it, then why
should we resist it? In fact, chain of nuclei in men and
consider it a lovely gift from women's sexual behavior."
the Creator." (Judith Graham, ed., Current
Biography Yearbook, 1996,
The highly-oiled political New York,NY: The HW Wilson
machinery duped the medical Co., 1996), 301.)
community and the
unsuspecting world by this FOUNDATIONAL DECEPTION
deceptive ploy, this hoax.
Eric Pollard, a leading gay
However, after the medical activist, back in some of the
community caught on to his foundational years for gay
deceptions and the political activism countered
government seized his so- any notions that would not
called “ground-breaking support the altered scientific
investigative studies,” it conclusions. He insisted that
became evident he was a naive world-populous
committing a devious, self- would blindly accept and fall
serving fraud. They then for the intentional, deceptive
informed him that he'd best ploy of the self-serving,
recant his position, or be politically-savvy gay activists.
sued for "scientific In The Washington Blade, a
misconduct." (note: you do major pro-gay Newspaper,
the research ; the Eric, a leading contributor of
incriminating evidence is the “Act Up Organization”
abundant). wrote:

OOPS!...MADE A MISTAKE ! "I and the others within our


politically active Gay Rights
Dr. Levay then proclaimed in group have learned to apply
his biography, "It is subversive tactics to
important to stress what I accomplish our ends, using
didn't find. I did not prove any means necessary,
that homosexuality is drawing our tactics and
genetic, or find a genetic strategy chiefly from the
cause for being gay. I didn't voluminous Mein Kampf,
show that gay men are ‘born which we have studied
that way' ... the most thoroughly as a working
common mistake people model."
make in interpreting my (P. 137, The Washington
work. Nor did I locate a ‘gay Blade, 1987).
center in the brain - INAH3 is
less likely to be the sole gay TRANSSEXUALISM
nucleus of the part of the
”A condition in which one failure, one who should not
feels inwardly incongruent in have had the surgery at all.
his/her God-given gender
identity, or role. Eventual "I wish that there could have
attempts are most likely been an alternative way, but
made to "correct the there wasn't back in 1975. If
anatomical mistake" through there was a drug that I could
increasing episodes of cross- have taken that would have
dressing, opposite gender reduced the pressure, I
hormone ingestion, and would have been better off
eventual Sex Reassignment staying the way I was – as a
Surgery (SRS); which totally intact person. I know
constitutes the elimination of deep down that I'm a
the obvious anatomical second-class woman. I get a
appendages that define one a lot of inquiries from would-be
girl or a boy, mainly the transsexuals, but I don't
breasts in females, or gonads want anyone to hold me out
and penis of the male. The as an example to follow.
male will typically undergo Today there are better
bilateral breast choices, including
augmentation, as well as the medication, for dealing with
surgical creation of a pseudo the compulsion to cross-
vaginal opening, which is dress and the depression
nothing more than a that comes from gender-
surgically devised hole which confusion. As far as being
doesn't communicate with fulfilled as a woman, I'm not
any of the internal organs. as fulfilled as I dreamed of
Women will often opt for the being. I get a lot of letters
surgical creation of a pump from people who are
operated pseudo-phallus, to considering having this
enable her to have sex with a operation ... and I discourage
woman.” them all. You'd be better
getting on some medications
TRANSSEXUAL icon of the ...or get locked up or do
70's - RENEE RICHARDS whatever it takes to keep
you from being allowed to do
Dr. Renee Richards finally something like it."
disclosed "her" private (Tennis Magazine, March,
thoughts regarding sex 1999, "The Liason Legacy," p
change. Remember that this 31).
man-turned-woman used to
be the poster-child for the HOMOSEXUALITY &
transsexual agenda; but is TRANSSEXUALITY
now written off as a deluded
The question that is often your sense of God, or takes
posed about same-sex- off the relish of spiritual
attractions is, "Is it a sin?" things; in short, whatever
The answer to that is so well increases the strength and
defined by what Bill Johnson authority of your body over
wrote: your mind, that thing is sin
to you, however innocent it
IS THIS A SIN? may seem to be in itself. It
doesn't matter how others
"It's easy to latch onto a feel about it; or how popular
rating system or some set of it is, or how seemingly
rules that will make it clear innocent it appears. If it
what we will and won't do as hardens your heart toward
a Christian. But no rating God, if it obscures your
system can replace a heart awareness of the ugliness of
that wants to please God. If sin and the holiness of God,
we're to honor God with our if it takes the edge off your
choices, we must be willing spiritual hunger, then it's
to carefully scrutinize and sin."
evaluate how what we do (Taken from "Not Even a
attests to our love for and Hint: Guarding your heart
obedience to God. We must against lust," by Joshua
be willing to wrestle with our Harris, Multnomah, 2003).
standards and often refuse to
engage in behaviors that CONCLUSION:
others think is permissible, if
not God's permissive will. Be sure to obtain the many
resources particularly
When he was in college, the addressing Same-Sex
famous evangelist John Attractions which are
Wesley wrote a letter to his available at the following
mother asking her to give thirty-one year old Christian
him a clear description of sin. organization:
Sounds like he wanted a list
of do's and don'ts. But Mrs. EXODUS NORTH AMERICA
Wesley didn't give John what
he wanted. She gave him This thirty year old
something much better. In international outreach has
response, she wrote: many more written and
printed resources available.
"Take this rule: whatever Contact them at:
weakens your reason,
impairs the tenderness of EXODUS
your conscience, obscures
PO Box 540119 1997. My own thankfully not
too large breasts are a result
Orlando, FL., 32854 of many years taking HRT
(estrogen) and must
888-264-0877 continue taking congregated
estrogen for the remainder of
www.exodus.to my physical life on this earth.
Here in Canada I am
http://www.help4families.co designated female on all
m/homosexuality.htm legal documentation. I live a
lonely and celibate (chaste)
Becky's testimony life for most of my years esp.
I don't have the
Coincidentally I'm called same physical temptations
Becky, & often-just Beck. I post operatively.
was born male suffering from
acute shyness & Over the last few years I
severe inferiority complexes have been coming to know
from an early God on my own. I have come
age. Somewhere in this time to realize the absolute truth;
I began cross-dressing in my I am as God had originally
mother's clothes literally in created me. I am learning of
closets. I wanted to God's Righteous Judgment of
date girls, get married and which both this sinning God
have children but my hating world and myself
shyness & self-hatred rightly deserve. I’m also
prevented me from ever beginning to understand
being able to find a God's Grace through
wife/partner. I the shed blood of our Lord
always feared hurting a wife Jesus Christ on the cross for
and children as your own my sins; becoming a kind of
testimonial confirms my "Christian Secret Agent"
fears. Like most Trans folks I though daily reading &
bought into the deception I studying Bible passages,
was a member of daily devotionals,
the opposite sex trapped in viewing certain internet
the wrong body. I am 54 websites, such as SO4J.com,
years old, having changed Westboro Baptist Church, &
my name in the early 90's to other internet teachers,
Rebecca Jean. I written internet resources
have had irreversible sex such as Web Bible/Bible
reassignment surgery Gateway, & listening to XM
(creation of a "neovagina" 170 Family Talk. (esp. Bible
including castration) in Answer Man & XM 34
Enlighten Southern Gospel). and it is for His glory I
I have only recently begun to perform the songs He
share my faith with anyone inspires me to write. I could
literally apart from writing tell you about all the musical
Exodus, & the much accomplishments I have
hated Westboro Baptist achieved and the many
Church of which I have successes I have had in life,
adopted a strange affection but I would rather tell you
for "fire and brimstone" about how my God took me
Calvinistic preaching. I and molded me after His will.
attended a local Grace How He never gave up on
Community Church for the me, and was faithful to
first time only last week, rescue me and bring me back
tomorrow (Sun Jul 18/10) to Him. I was raised in rural
will be my second visit. I'm Arkansas, an unwanted child;
still so scared of others told by my mother at the age
finding out about being of two and I was supposed to
rejected and me. I see of been a girl since she
myself suffering as similar to already had two boys. I grew
poor Job; struggling in my up angry, depressed, and a
flesh, feeling at times cast cross dressing adolescent. I
down, in shame &everlasting received a guitar as a gift
guilt; condemned to hell with when I was given a found an
Deut.22: 5 & Deut 23:1-2, escape from the reality of the
Gen 19,Lev. 18:22 & 20:13 world. At age twelve I began
& sexual sins of 1 Cor 6:9-20 writing songs and playing the
& Romans 1:18-32 I feel it of tuba in my school band. I
utmost importance to share found an old violin in a closet
my story with you and ask if and taught myself to play
I might be allowed to pray that. Eventually I went on to
for you & the others in your become an All-State musician
Help4 families organization in and a full blown, teenage
my Daily Confession of Faith alcoholic. When I was twenty,
to the Lord thy God. Jesus sought me. I married,
and joined the Air Force, and
http://www.help4families.co earned a degree in business
m/beckys_testimony.htm from the University of
Arkansas. I pursued the good
Daniel Jones life as a battle within me
Testimony – Song raged. Always seeking my
artist of “Love the mother’s acceptance and
Lost” harboring anger and
depression, I believe my life
God is the only reason I exist selfishly and self seeking
instead of for God. As a Jeff's testimony
result, alcohol came back
into my life and with it came This is my story. I hope it
insanity. I lost everything. I gives the Lord Jesus Glory. I
ended up homeless, was about 17 years old when
unlovable, and transgender. I decided to move to a city in
Under the care of a the state of Maine . One
“Christian” psychotherapist, I sunny day I left home with a
flew to Thailand and suitcase and started to
underwent surgery to mimic hitchhike across the state. To
a female. I cam back to the my surprise, I got there and
states and changed all my my first stop was at a gay
records to reflect a new bar. I think I stayed at a
identity. But God never gave friend’s house that night.
up on me. He put me behind Then as time went on, I
the wheel of a truck just as moved to that city; and lived
he put Jonah in the belly of there for about 5 years. I
whale; to spend time with met this transgender person
me. Like the prodigal child I at the nightclub one night,
came back to Him and this and I thought this is the
time turned my whole life most beautiful person I have
over to Him. I changed my ever seen. We introduced our
records back and now live self’s and became best
the life he planned for me. friends.
He gave me new songs to
write, an additional My friend told me about an
instrument, the mandolin, Endocrinologist who would
and a new audience to hear see you in his office and talk
their message. As I drive my with you to see if you’re a
truck from place to place I candidate to live your life as
sing in trucker’s chapels, so a woman or transsexual. If
that the most forgotten of the doctor thought you were
the forgotten can know just a good candidate, he would
how much God loves them. write you a prescription for
He loves the unlovable. So female hormones. The day I
much so, that He gave His saw the doctor he wrote the
only son on the cross. And prescription, I was about
through Jesus they can 18years old when I started
receive the only love and taking them.
acceptance that can fill any
void in any life. After about a year and a half
my breast started to look like
http://www.help4families.co a girls, going through
m/testimony_page.htm puberty. I was so excited at
that time. I felt as though I “WOW, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE
was turning into this person SOLD MY SOUL TO THE
that I had always wanted to DEVIL BECAUSE, I HAVE TO
be. I was not aware that I GO TO A METHADONE
was listening to the DEVIL CLINIC IN ORDER TO
saying, “Your a girl trapped FUNCTION.” I thought deeply
in a mans body,” I thought I and then I started talking to
was hearing myself at that God I said, “God, if I could
time. just get through three days
of not going to the clinic, I
I later moved from Maine to could not go back anyway
Boston Massachusetts . I got because I would be breaking
involved with drugs, drinking, the contract I signed with
and prostitution. I had them. Well to my surprise,
implants in my breasts for God got me through those
fifteen to sixteen years. After three days and it was very
about 18 years living in hard for me, I was going
Boston , I wanted a new through withdrawal, mussel
move, who knew it would be spasms, and pain.
back to Maine . I got involved
in doing the same things One day I went to the
there, this time I was also Hospital and while I was in a
doing Heroin, Oxycontin, and wheelchair there a little old
Methadone. woman walked up to me and
asked me, “DO YOU K NOW
One day I got into a fight JESUS?” I Lied to her, and
with a friend and she pushed said, “yes.” When I left the
me down a very large flight hospital after the doctor saw
of stairs. It was shocking to me. When I got home and to
me at that moment. At the my surprise, this is what I
bottom of the stairs when I was hearing all the time in
stood up, the thought, “WOW my head, “DO YOU K NOW
GOD HAD TO HAVE BEEN JESUS?” this went on for
WITH ME,” came to me. some time, finally I said,
There were no broken bones “WELL, I know of him but do
but I was in a lot of pain so I really no him?” I started
bad, it kept me in bed for a watching TBN Ministries and
while. One day while I was in would eventually say the
my bed something or sinner’s prayer. But I did not
someone sat me up; I was feel any better or different. I
puzzled because I had not was somewhat upset so I
used my hands or arms to sit said, “Well God, now that you
up. This is the thought that live in me why don't I feel
came to me at that moment, any different?” I got back in
bed was looking up to the
ceiling and was talking to He baptized me with his
God and on my TV Paula Spirit in October of 2005 and
White was on preaching Gods set me free from all the
Word. To my shock I had just drugs, drinking, prostitution,
asked God three question's Homosexuality,
and then turned to the TV Transsexualism, and
And Paula Whites face was depression. Praise GOD HA.
magnified to the size of a He truly is the way the Truth
normal persons head and and the life. Thank you
God answered the three JESUS, I LOVE YOU MY LORD
questions that I had just AND SAVIOR. I am now living
asked him, I could see living as a man again and have
water moving around Paula’s been since 2006 Gods quick.
head. I was in Awe. And know that I am very
grateful for him. Thanks for
God reached his hand down listening to the testimony
from Heaven pulled 41 from the Lord He gave this to
pictures in front of my face. me, for his Glory. All things
He showed me from the time are possible to them that
I was born until that moment believe, AMEN . Remember,
with him. Every picture was a there is a way His name is
living motion picture for JESUS. If you don’t know
every year that I had ever Him and would like his help,
lived. He said, “This is you talk to him He is right there
growing, developing, and with you in spirit. Jesus is
changing. Honey, this isn't calling you and you did not
you, this is what the Devil read this by accident.
has done to you.” I was in Jeffrey.
awe! I could really feel his
breath on my face when he http://www.help4families.co
talked to me, His breath m/jeffs_testimony.htm
alone was speaking these
words, LOVE, PRESHESNESS, Anthony's testimony
Tenderness, mercy, and
Grace; those are the words I was born in the 1970's on
of Truth he said. From that the west coast, my mom and
moment, I knew that I had dad separated when I was
listened to a LIE for all those very young. I grew up with
years. The Lord gave me alot my mom and my
of visions and continued to grandmother for the most
talk to me and give me part in those first years.
Revelation to transgender, in When I was young, perhaps
the supernatural. 5 my family lived in a rather
normal suburban sexual pleasure from it,
neighbourhood in Northern however mostly I would just
California. One day when I wear them around the house
was out playing with three or believing I was a girl. I was
four other kids on older boy homeschooled and my mom
perhaps early teenager worked out of the house
molested us in a group sex quite a bit so there was a lot
act. I buried the shame, in of time for this. When I was
my heart and never dealt 16 Jesus saved me and for
with it. Soon after that I some time I had some peace,
came to the realization that I but after a while the desires
wanted to be a girl; however were back and worse than
that is expressed in the heart ever. I would try and fight,
of a 5 year old. I remember but would ultimately go back
sitting on the steps of my to cross dressing.
school and wanting to play
with the girls, be with the As I entered my late teens,
girls. I disliked the boys and early 20's the cross dressing
really did not want to be part stopped but I still wrestled
of their group. As I continued with this desire in my life. I
to grow up this desire to be a would hear accusations in my
girl increased, when we head; "You are Female, You
would go to friend’s houses can't hack it as a man."
who had dress up clothes, I Sometimes it was like a drum
would put on the dresses and beating in my head over and
pretend I was a princess. over, for days or weeks on
When I was 9 or 10 my end. I struggled with
parents started going to depression, tiredness, just a
church, I remember praying heavy heart. I had a hard
to Jesus every night to time having fun, because
change me into a girl. I when I was out with my
hoped that I would wake in friends I was jealous of the
the morning and somehow girls and fun they were
become female. having. That started to
become a theme in my life, I
As puberty came I was really was jealous of females; their
confused and distressed. My curves, softness, and what I
mind wanted to develop as a perceived as superiority over
female but my body was men. I hated everything
becoming more masculine. about my masculinity; I had
This is when I started cross fantasies at times of
dressing, mostly in my castrating myself and ending
mom's bras, panties and the control of testosterone
lingerie. There was some over my life... It was during
all this that I met a beautiful look back on this with a lot of
woman, who was to be my remorse, as a husband you
wife. I truly cared for her and are supposed to protect your
loved her, but I also was wife and my heart definitely
looking for an identity in was not there. Men, if you
marriage, although I could are living with sexual sin, I
not express it at the time. implore you to NOT get
married until you have dealt
I started dating my wife in with it. As men we are called
the summer of 2001; we to be the leaders and if
were engaged in December leading for you means to
of 2001 and married in April break off a relationship for a
of 2002. In total we had time or indefinitely in order
really known each other 8 to protect the woman than
months before we were you need to have the guts to
married. I did it the old do it. Please do not drag your
fashion way and went and fiancé through the crap that I
asked her father if we could have dragged my wife
see each other. Growing up through just because you do
in a conservative Christian not have the guts to break it
home I knew how to walk the off.
walk and talk the talk and
effectively fooled everyone My wife found out about my
around me into thinking that Gender Identity issues early
I was this awesome guy on in the marriage, of course
when inside I was being torn after our wedding. This
up by my Gender Identity. started a 6 year long
relationship, or lack of
I would like to diverge here a relationship with me
little bit, to discuss a topic fantasizing about being a
that is near to my heart. I woman, not leading my wife
looked at marriage as a way and becoming more
to get my identity, don't get withdrawn from her. I guess
me wrong, I cared for my it was not always like this,
wife when we got married there were times we were
but my heart was in it for the close, but much of our
wrong reasons. Since my marriage was characterized
transsexuality was my by my issues and my
secret, that I protected, I of withdrawing and in return
course did not want to tell her becoming bitter. We
me fiancé. I was more started attending a church
interested in protecting and one of the pastors
myself, than to be discovered suggested that I go and meet
and outed to the church. I with a Christian counsellor.
This period started really response was "No, what
good, I learned a lot through should I do?" and what I
this counsellor and John heard still rings in my head
Eldridge's book "Wild at to this day; "Run!! Run back
Heart". I really started to see to your wife." So I did, my
the spiritual warfare side of wife being the faithful,
GID, the constant loving, and Godly woman
accusations, the heaviness in that she is accepted me
my heart, the depression back, and forgave me. She
that had always been with really showed Jesus to me,
me. I remember begging that even though I hurt her,
Jesus to take these desires she was thinking she was
from me; I was trying to use going to be divorced and
Jesus snake oil to fix my have to explain to our kids
issues. This spiralled out of that daddy left. She was
control, and I really lost sight going to have to find a job,
of God in all of this. I started figure out where to live. I
asking why and trying to just through all of her marital
research everything about security away in 6 hours, but
GID and the more I did the she took me back and loved
more depressed I became. I me...
finally wore myself out in
Spring/Summer of 2008 and In late December, early
gave in, I decided that January of 2009 I began to
medicine/psychology must struggle heavily again. My
have the answers and maybe days became very dark, I
like an intersex condition this was depressed, feeling
was just the way I was. I told anxious and panicked like
my wife I was leaving and what if I was supposed to be
wanted to divorce and a woman all these years and
transition to becoming a I was living a lie. I went on a
woman. I went out and business trip and by the time
bought supplies and women’s I came back home I was just
clothing that night, and went done. I again told my wife
to hotel room. I won't go into that I could no longer live
all the details, but as I sat this life and that I needed to
there in all my "feminine leave to pursue my “true life”
glory", reading on my as a female. I left my wife
computer the stories of other that night and told her that I
TS folks I remember praying wanted to separate. As I left
"God what am I doing???" to go back out and check into
And I remember this still a hotel I was feeling really
small voice ask "Is this what angry with God. I was yelling
you really want?", my on the drive “God, this is
bigger than you. I can't do pro-transgendered, but I was
this anymore, I am so tired encouraged. I went to church
of fighting and I just want to and spoke with one of the
live the way that my mind pastors; his thoughts for me
wants me to live.” I were that I had given up
remember God distinctly fighting the temptation and
telling me “I am your father was falling into a trap. I
and you are my son. You do started going to a
not need to do this; you need Redemption Group that our
to get your significance from church has developed. I
me.” I yelled back “No God I started to learn that
am done with this crap, this Transsexuality was my
is ridiculous, I am living a lie Egypt, my slavery and that
and I need to be female.” I God was calling me out of
wrestled and wrestled with that onto a path of
this for hours. Finally I was redemption. I learned that
worn down and just asked we as humans are made for
God, “What do I need to do?” worship. Worship is like a
The answer I got was; “Get hose that you cannot stop;
your significance from me, you can point it in various
not from being female. You directions but cannot make it
need to follow me and love stop. As humans we are like
me more than this.” that hose, we pour our
worship on God or other idols
I went back home, needless in our lives. I was worshiping
to say my wife was totally femininity and was ready to
shaken, saddened and angry sacrifice myself, my wife and
by my giving into this. It still my children on that altar.
took several weeks, of After searching my heart I
wrestling through this issue. also realized that I was angry
I was trying to fight what with God, I think mostly for
God was telling me. I still not “fixing me” the way I
wanted to believe that this wanted. I wanted to pray the
issue was genetic, that prayer and any desire to be
somehow some where there female would be gone and I
was some loop hole. I started would be some sort of super-
reading an older website by a man. When God did not fix
man who wrestled with these me this way after years of
issues and decided that He praying for it, I became
needed to stay being male bitter.
for the sake of his wife and
kids. I have to say it was one So where am I now, I am
of the very few sites that I fighting the fight, and
found that was not entirely running the race. I am
working out what redemption side of me and taught me
in Jesus looks like for what redemption in Jesus
transgender people. Am I still Christ looks like.
tempted, yes, but I am
learning that I am fighting http://www.help4families.co
through the trial, with Christ m/anthonys_testimony.htm
by my side. I feel like Paul
when he says; “So to keep One Man's testimony
me from becoming conceited
because of the surpassing Isaiah 6 :5 - 8
greatness of the revelations, "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am
a thorn was given me in the ruined! For I am a man of
flesh, a messenger of Satan unclean lips, and I live
to harass me, to keep me among a people of unclean
from becoming conceited. lips, and my eyes have seen
Three times I pleaded with the King, the LORD
the Lord about this, that it Almighty."
should leave me. But he said Then one of the seraphs flew
to me, "My grace is sufficient to me with a live coal in his
for you, for my power is hand, which he had taken
made perfect in weakness." with tongs from the altar.
Therefore I will boast all the With it he touched my mouth
more gladly of my and said, "See, this has
weaknesses, so that the touched your lips; your guilt
power of Christ may rest is taken away and your sin
upon me. For the sake of atoned for." Then I heard the
Christ, then, I am content voice of the Lord saying,
with weaknesses, insults, "Whom shall I send? And
hardships, persecutions, and who will go for us?" And I
calamities. For when I am said, "Here am I. Send me!"
weak, then I am strong.”
My Testimony
I am thankful for a God who
pursues us, and wants a real Two days after Christmas in
relationship with us. I am 1991, I sat my wife down
thankful for a loving, patient and told her about my life
and spirit filled wife, who was long struggle. I explained to
righteously angry with me at her that I cross-dressed in
times, who would not give in secret ever since I was seven
to me, always prayed for me years old. I confessed this to
and pushed me to pursue her because it was taking
Christ. I am also thankful to control of my life. To quote
the pastors and deacons of Bob Bennett “the thing that
my church who came along was keeping me alive for so
long was now killing me.” he had something that I
needed. Early one morning, I
I somehow hoped that she stumbled into a prayer
could rescue me from my meeting in the shower room
struggle. The opposite was of the barracks. It was
true. In fact, I overwhelmed around two a.m. A bunch of
Beverly with this revelation. I guys were praying in their
expected her to understand underwear. It was there that
it, and I didn’t understand it I accepted Jesus Christ as
myself and I had been my savior. Now there’s a
dealing with this all my life. visual for you. I was filled
with the Holy Spirit and
My childhood really was not shared Christ with everyone.
much different from others in A few months later my
my generation of the sixties brother, Bret, accepted the
and seventies. I had a Lord while I was home on
distant, and sometimes, leave just a few months
violent relationship with my before his death.
father. I fought with my two
brothers almost everyday. I The Lord called me into the
am the oldest of four ministry when I was twenty.
siblings; two brothers and a God wanted my obedience, I
sister. My youngest brother, wanted to be in the spotlight.
Bret, attempted suicide when Needless to say, there was a
I was sixteen, he was eleven. conflict. I still entertained
He shot himself in the thoughts of cross-dressing.
stomach with my father’s 22 My silent struggle with this
rifle that was witnessed by sin continued.
my brother. Needless to say,
this had quite an impact on I met my future wife while I
my life. Bret did survive this was stationed in Kingsville,
attempt only to die a few Texas. She was a student at
years later in a car accident. Texas A&I. We met through a
He was sixteen years old. mutual friend while attending
a function of the Baptist
I joined the Navy right out of Student Union. I fell in love
high school. Not because I with her and married her
was patriotic, rather I wanted without sharing my personal
to escape from my family. struggle. I somehow thought
While in boot camp, I getting married would solve
couldn’t do anything right. A my problem. It did not! The
young strong Christian man opposite was true. I fought
from Arizona walked the talk. the temptation to dress in
By his witness I began to see my wife’s clothes. I managed
to keep this secret from I immersed myself into
Beverly for the first eleven cross-dressing and left God
years of our marriage. behind. I was ready to give
up on God and my family.
After I told her of my
struggle, I became suicidal; I I quickly put together a new
came home from work one wardrobe that most women
day ready to end it all. This would be envious of, and I
scared Beverly and she called began to venture out to
a therapist who was malls, bars, and gay bars
counseling us at the time. dressed as a woman. I
She told Beverly to get me in became intoxicated with this
her office anyway she could. life. I was thrilled when men
Beverly gave me permission would offer me drinks or hold
to dress up as a woman and the door open for me. It was
she drove me to the exciting to go to the mall as
therapist’s office. From there a woman and not having
I was admitted to the people give me a second
hospital. This would be my look. Every now and then
first trip of three to a mental someone would figure it out,
hospital. and they would just smile at
me. I made friends with
Upon release from the other cross-dressers and we
hospital, this first trip, I would go out together in
called a crisis hot line in hope Montrose, the gay section in
of finding a support group. Houston, for “girl’s night
They told me about an out.”
organization called Tri-Ess,
the society for the second The deeper I went into this
self. They told me about their lifestyle, the more chances I
group. It met Wednesday would take. I put myself in
nights, and was called Cross some very dangerous
Dressers Anonymous. This situations and came very
turned out to be a support close to getting beat up. I
group that encouraged cross- thought this life would make
dressing. Beverly did not like me happy. Instead I became
the fact that I was interested very depressed. Each time I
in attending this group. She acted out I would take it a
gave me an ultimatum. If I step further to get that extra
wanted to pursue this life thrill which would always
style then I had to leave the leave me empty. I
house. I chose the lifestyle entertained the thought, that
over my family. maybe I was really a woman,
that God made had mistake.
My life rapidly fell apart. I was going to work to make
some changes in my life. I
I tried very hard to divorce was able to get a part time
Beverly. We were in and out job at a Christian radio
of the divorce court seven station in Houston. It quickly
times, but she didn’t stop became my church; the
praying for me. Through the music began speaking to my
proceedings my lawyer heart as I listened to the
wanted me to see a songs, “When God Ran” by
psychologist. Her motivation Benny Hester. This is a song
for me seeing this man was about the Prodigal son who
not to help me, but to be an realized that his father still
advocate to testify in my loved him. God still loved me
divorce case. I went to his no matter what I was
office, and he immediately struggling with.
sent me back to the hospital.
He saw how depressed I was. God lead me back to church,
This was how God lead me to I began to attend The
the right path of recovery. Vineyard in Humble, Texas.
They allowed me to play on
While in the hospital, this the worship team, but I
psychologist wasn’t so never shared with anyone my
interested in my cross- struggle with cross-dressing.
dressing. He focused on my It was a slow process of
depression and I attended recovery for me; God had
several group sessions. I bigger issues to take care of
recall one young man who in my life. I needed to learn
was eighteen at the time. He how to be a father to my
shared how his father children and a husband to
committed suicide when he my wife. At that point, I left
was seven years old. I was Tri-Ess, and I said goodbye
thinking about suicide to my friends in the group.
myself. At this time it was When I told one of my
the only way to escape this closest friends, Chris, that I
war I was fighting with was leaving the group and
myself. This point I knew throwing away all of my
that there had to be a make up wigs and clothes
change in my life. I began to away for good, he told me
pray that God would deliver that I would be back within a
me from this life I was month. I explained to him
leading. Once I got out of the what God was doing in my
hospital after a two-week life and that I needed to be a
stay, I told Beverly that I no father to my children that I
longer wanted a divorce and dearly loved. He began to cry
and he told me about a to be free in Him.
daughter that he hadn’t seen
since she was a year old. She I was working at the airport
was five at the time living in for one of the major airlines.
California. I hugged him and Like all airports there is a
told him goodbye. I knew food court that had a
that I was not strong enough restaurant. There was a
at that time to be with him young man who worked
and not cross-dress. I still there who would came to
pray for Chris I haven’t seen work as a woman. I had
him since that day. I never plenty of opportunities to
went back to Tri-Ess. It was speak to him, but I never
time to put “Renee” to death. did. In fact I went out of my
God began teaching me what way to avoid him. I was
it’s really like to be a man. I afraid that my secret with
would like to tell you that Satan would be reviled to the
God healed me right away, world. I was ashamed of my
but God’s time was different past, and I refused to share
from mine. He still had a lot the gospel with this young
of work for me to man. I was one of “those
accomplish. God showed me who walked on the other side
how much faith I really have of the road to avoid the
in Him. wounded man.” I was playing
church at the time, not
Beverly and I reunited and walking the talk. This went
began working on our on for about two months.
marriage. We moved to One day when I came to
Bastrop, Texas where we work, I discovered that this
spent the next three years. I young man had committed
rarely spoke to Beverly about suicide. My heart sank. I
my struggle, and I never never said a word to this
would dare share with young man who struggled as
anyone at church. I struggled I had. God had gotten got
with the temptation to return my attention.
to the lifestyle, but God
would not let me go. Of I was scheduled to go on a
course His plan was to move short-term mission trip just a
my family to New Hampshire, few weeks later and my co-
of all places. Beverly and I workers had helped me raise
did not know a soul there, all the funds to go on this trip.
of our families and friends One of the first missionaries I
were in Texas and Colorado. met in Brazil was Michael. He
New Hampshire is where God and I instantly became
was going to teach me how friends. He was from Grand
Junction, Colorado. I was eight I am really beginning to
hurting so bad over the understand that He wants my
young man who killed total obedience. This is
himself that I could stand it where I have found my
no longer, and I shared with freedom.
Michael my struggle. He
didn’t laugh at me or judge http://www.help4families.co
me. He prayed with me and m/testimony.htm
told me that God could use
me for His Kingdom. It was A Matter of Survival (Part
in Brazil where I finally 1)
shared my testimony with
others. God had begun to set by Bob (written for Help 4
me free. Families)

When I returned to New I was among the huddled


Hampshire, I shared with the cluster of women in the foyer
leader of the men’s group at of a large shopping mall.
my church what God was They were warmly bundled
doing in my life. I told him I waiting for their men to
needed to share it with the rescue them from the biting
other men of the group. God cold awaiting them outside.
was faithful. He gave me the The “chariots” arrived one by
courage to be open and real one to escort their individual
with this small group of men. maiden away to the warmth
In return, they did not reject and safety of home.
me, but instead embraced
me with encouragement and I could see my reflection in
support. To this day, they the expanse of glass before
remain faithful to me through me. “I look so pretty,” I
friendship and prayers. thought. I was standing
there, not in the self-
The Lord has brought Beverly conscious way of a man
and me down this long path. encircled by women, but as
I look back and not a day one miraculously transformed
went by that God wasn’t in appearance to be accepted
there. Everyday I was loved as another woman among
by Him. Today Beverly and I them, not a male intrusion.
are leading a small group in
our church praying and An admixture of emotions
helping those who are and thoughts swelled within
sexually broken. God had me. “Why can’t this always
called me into the ministry be the way life is for me?” I
when I was twenty. At forty- was filled with tidal waves of
anger, bitterness and discovered. More than that, I
remorse that I could enjoy realized that I had crossed
such blissful acceptance only over established gender
for a stolen moment. Then, lines, emasculating myself
nearly as quickly as those once again in that
thoughts and feelings despicable, yet terribly
subsided, I saw through the cherished evening.
facade and caught a glimpse
of the man beneath the I wrote in my journal: I am
carefully constructed exterior. intensely angry and
I muttered in agreement with confused! I stood there in the
one who shared my fate, “It huge doorway of the mall,
is true, neither sex is really with two contradictory and
mine; I belong to a third sex, consuming emotions: delight
a sex apart, which has as yet and disgust. Delight, knowing
no name.”1 that I was at least for the
moment accepted as the
I felt very much a freak of woman portrayed to the
nature at one moment, a “unseeing” eye . . . but a
replicated form of my mother freak, if they but for one
in the next. I wanted so moment had been able to
much to emulate her, to be see beneath the feminine
among her “kind,” seen and wrappings.
accepted for the woman I
longed to be. I loathe all of this! How can I
go on in this type of
The mission complete, I existence? Always longing for
deposited the artifacts of my what I cannot have. Always
secret identity carefully in in pain within. Constantly
hiding. “Sometimes I feel like doing what I cannot (in more
a secret agent,” I muttered. rational moments) conceive
But the intrigue was quickly to be true. And all the while
replaced by an overpowering suppressing the excruciating,
sense of shame. instinctive knowledge that I
am in the wrong.
I knew, too, that I had once
again exposed myself to such For as I today caught my
an incredible risk of being reflection, it is obvious to
caught. Why? What would anyone who would take time
have happened if I had been for a second glance, that I
involved in an auto accident? am truly a man wearing a
I was afraid of the dress! Must I forever be
consequences of humiliation doomed to this? Unthinkable!
and rejection if ever
In the movie, “Alive”, the breakdown in our “psycho-
survivors of an airplane crash social development,” we have
in the Andes Mountains, did eroticized the other sex,
what was for them (at first), thinking that being one of
unthinkable. In order to them would be the
come out of the eighty day appropriate medicinal agent
ordeal alive, they finally to cure our intense emotional
resorted to eating the pain.
corpses of those who had
died in the tragedy. As Leanne Payne suggests,
when a man refuses to
Cannibalism is unthinkable, accept himself, his eyes are
considered even to be directed to someone else,
immoral to our culture. (It is (typically his mother for the
my understanding that those transsexual), finding himself
survivors, once back home, “stuck in some form or
were treated harshly by the manifestation of the wrong
church for their treatment of kind of self-love. Failing to
the dead). But, as the real love himself aright, he will
life drama revealed, we love himself amiss.”2 This
humans will resort to misplaced affection results in
whatever is necessary in an inordinate, highly
order to survive. It’s built immoral, self love of the
into us by God so to do. woman of our own making
that attempts to destroy our
Survival is what transvestism God-given sexual identity.
and transsexualism is about Interestingly, as I stood there
at its core. We simply want in the foyer of that shopping
to feel good about ourselves, mall, I was delighted to at
to love our life, enjoy the act least catch a fleeting glimpse
of “being.” We have the of mother in me.
incredible need to feel
connected to the feminine, to Masculinity is something we
devour (or be devoured by) have found most distasteful
womanhood. Even though we as transsexual males. I
profess Jesus Christ to be believe it stems from our
Savior, the unthinkable basic childhood
fleshly passion mercilessly misunderstanding of what
grinds away at any sense of true masculinity is. In many
common decency, wearing it stems from the traumatic
down any resistance to its events surrounding our most
demands. formative years that led to
our rejection of what we
Because we have suffered a interpreted to be manhood.
We have not been properly have struggled for our sexual
instructed on what it really identity are merely
means to be a man. A attempting to survive the
captivating role model most steady assaults of shame,
usually was not available to guilt and despair. Many
us to integrate us with the transsexuals with whom I
true masculine. work have little or no sense
of personal identity of their
Most of our fathers did not own. They have learned to
affirm us as sons in our survive their personal
sexual identity. It was not “nothingness” by integrating
necessarily intentional on their personality to that of
their part. “The masculine the person who has meant
within is called forth and the most to them–mother.
blessed by the masculine
without.”3 Of course, the Nicolosi’s observations apply
basic reason for our failure to to the transsexual most
be called into manhood by accurately, when he builds
our father (or father his case for the innate
replacement) is derived from reparative process that is in
the fact that our fathers were place within each person.
not properly affirmed in their The sense of “normalcy” we
own masculinity. How then experience when cross-
could we think them capable dressed only exposes our
to affirm ours?4 deeply wounded heart
striving to heal itself through
Charles Williams’ Descent this form of sexual
into Hell, revealed the effects identification. Our emotional
of a man’s choices to mastication of the female is
fabricate a woman for our feeble attempt to
himself to love. This survive, to be sustained in
“imaginary woman” some form of identity.6
eventually consumes every
thought, the illusion The transsexual male is
becoming progressively more subconsciously trying to
captivating and the `descent repair the damage done,
into hell’ all the more a primarily between himself
reality; a form of worship of and his father. Male attention
the “false or narcissistic and affirmation is continually
self.”5 sought (perhaps mostly on
an unconscious level),
Survival is one of the through becoming acceptable
motivating factors for the to men . . . in the desirable
transsexual lifestyle. We who image of a woman. We
protected ourselves from may later pertain. The
further hurt and the distinctive mark of an inner
paralyzing fear of our vow is that it resists the
masculinity being again normal maturation process.
rejected, by “defensively Inner vows resist change. We
detaching” ourselves from do not grow out of them.”9
father.7 And with that, our masculine
self is methodically
We took instead the identity emotionally (and potentially,
of mother, aunt, etc., in order physically) destroyed.
to cope with the pain of a
lost, forsaken, or rejected I actually believed I hated
male identity. We have males. To be one was
responded to our hurts, reckoned the most
saying by word and action, “I despicable of fates. I lied to
reject manhood and all that myself, saying that it was a
it stands for!” genetic malfunction that
locked me into this
This type of wound and inner loathsome and perilous
vow making isolates us from existence. But I have come
other males and from our to see that what I was doing
own sense of being was actually detaching
masculine. The world of the myself from males in order to
feminine becomes the most survive. By the age of three
trustworthy, the most years I had concluded I could
familiar and desirable for us never succeed as a boy, and
to associate with, while being the answer to my dilemma
with males becomes a was to become a girl. In
mysterious, uncomfortable, effect, I reattached my
perhaps repulsive idea.8 severed emotional umbilical
cord to mother, in the vain
The inner vows we make hope that I could thereby
when we are children are survive. Ironically, in the
usually not consciously end, that which at one time
remembered, but very much had brought solace and
at work in our lives as adults. sustenance threatened my
We retain those vows like a existence altogether. That
programmed VCR, no matter which had once brought such
how hard our adult mind satisfaction and peace,
contests the stored ultimately delivered intense
information. “Our inner being pain and suffering. Strange
persistently retains such paradox!
programming no matter what
changes of mind and heart Many of us can easily relate
to the all-too-common to her nightgowns or silky
testimony that since underclothing, the symbolic
childhood we felt “castrated, representations of mother.
emasculated, weak, queer, And, in her absence or in
twisted.” These feelings were times of stress, these articles
constantly reinforced became my means of solace.
because of our father’s Nearly three-fourths of the
emotional distance from us transsexuals I know share
and by mother’s incessant stories similar to my own.
pampering or protection of Psychologists refer to it as
us. “separation anxiety.”

Mothers often think of their Leanne Payne touches upon


sons as helpless victims and the matter of “separation
in their nurturing attempts to anxiety” as a prime-mover in
protect us from the harsh the formation of the
world of men, we become transsexual neurosis. She
demasculinized, narcissistic, explains, “The cross-dresser
depressed, and utterly suffers from separation
passive.10 Our identity anxiety and gender confusion
becomes so tied into related to his failure to make
mother’s that we find it a secure attachment to his
nearly impossible to separate mother and thereby gain a
ourselves from the emotional strong sense of being or of
umbilicus. We are suspended well-being. This loss has led
by this tether throughout all to a most grievous symbolic
of life, with the unfortunate confusion in him. The related
climatic end of our being coping mechanisms (cross-
suffocated by it. dressing) leave him in the
throes of the dread-ridden
I know that I was separated shame and compulsive
from mother after only a few behavior.”11 Most
weeks in this old world. She transsexual “survivors” can
had to return to her place of relate to that!
work in order to provide for
our growing family. She was Our industrialized society has
a new hairdresser and was altered the normal
required to work long, hard interaction that should
hours. The only time that I transpire between child and
was with her was in the early parent. One of the most
morning or late at night. It powerful ingredients to
was most likely during this healthy male development is
vulnerable time that I the interaction between
became emotionally bonded father and son. It is typical to
discover that in the early life grasp the song that the adult
of the transsexual the father male cells sing.”13
is “gone,” either emotionally
or physically, leaving the son Conversely, when the deep
primarily to the care of longing of the son to have a
women, which hinders the strong identification with his
son’s growth into manhood. father is interrupted or
annihilated, the father
As Sandford observed, becomes an object of
“Before we are six, the ability contempt or is considered of
later to enjoy our sex fully little significance. “Caught in
has either been enabled or such extremes, he is thus
destroyed. Failing to receive denied genuine relationship
from our father especially, we with the father, and with
cannot enter into the fullness himself as a man.
of what ought to be.
Aberrational forms In either case, the earthly
subsequently await us like father remains the fixed
reefs under the shallow standard which dictates the
waters of our living.”12 man’s life responses-whether
positively of negatively-and
Robert Bly understood how the unique person the Father
cannibalism works in God calls the man to be is
relationships, especially lost, either in running after
between the father and son. or away from the earthly
On the positive side, he father.”14
wrote, “When a father and
son do spend long hours We are emasculated in so
together . . we could say that many other ways, too. It is
a substance almost like food difficult (and totally
passes from the older body improper), to place all of the
to the younger . . . The son’s blame at the parent’s
body–not his mind–receives doorstep. So emotionally
and the father gives this food castrated are we (by an
at a level far below endless myriad of external
consciousness. The son does and internal voices), that we
not receive a hands-on eventually give up any hope
healing, but a body-on in achieving real manhood.
healing. His cells receive We abandon the effort early
some knowledge of what an on in our developmental
adult masculine body is. The process, instead opting for
younger body learns at what the feminine since it is the
frequency the masculine identity that feels so “right.”
body vibrates. It begins to What other options are
there? dress. I am “finally at home!”
I eat, drink, literally digest
So we become “cannibalistic” womanhood. I consume it
in our attempt to survive the like food for my soul.
starvation within our
demasculinized soul. We join Don’t even suggest it, you
the ranks of the heathen well-meaning, but ignorant
cannibals, who eat the ones therapists, that I will have to
they admire the most in the cut this out of my daily diet!
effort to acquire their No way!!! I will die without
traits.15 In our deep hurt, it! I’ve got to live. And the
despair, envy, and lust, we only way I can survive is as
ravenously devour the woman I should have
womanhood in the attempt been, Jennifer Elaine.
to emulate and live out our
concept of the female role, We learn to rationalize our
with the mistaken belief that plight, arguing, that what we
is the best choice for our are doing cannot be
lives. considered a sinful act, for
we were obviously born this
I expressed it this way in one way, because it is all that we
journal entry: I cannot remember. But as Dalbey
conceive of ever doing recounts, “Biblical faith
without the routine rituals understands that all of us are
and the act of cross- born into sin, and are unable
dressing! It is too painful to by our own natural power to
think that I could never do fulfill God’s will for our lives.
that again. How can I ever The good news of our faith is
survive without this source of precisely that the inborn
life, purpose, satisfaction and brokenness of our human
sense of well-being? I’ve got nature has been overcome
to be able to express my and redeemed by Jesus, that
feminine self! Just slipping on the power to walk in His
that dress today made me victory is accessible to those
feel at one with womanhood. who surrender their lives to
Him.”16
I thought of the many times I
have come home from an The only way we can truly
exhausting day, slipped off survive is to cut our
my shoes and plopped myself emotional umbilical cord to
upon the couch in utter mother and secure it to our
delight, saying, “I’m finally at Christ through submission to
home”. Well, that’s how I feel His Lordship. To survive is to
each and every time I cross- submit; to live is to die.
I am not referring to a “quick 1991), 129. 12. Sandford,
fix”. I fully recognize that Transformation, 271.
much is involved in that 13.Gordon Dalbey, Father
process. Limited space forces and Son, (Nashville, TN:
me to end this discourse with Thomas Nelson Publish-ers,
these very abbreviated 1992), 17. 14. Ibid., 19. 15.
remarks. In next month’s Payne, Crisis, 28. 16.
“Part II” I will attempt to Gordon Dalbey, Healing The
unravel some definitive Masculine Soul, Dallas, TX:
things that must be Word Publishing, 1988, 107.
experienced for this complex
restoration of our human http://help4families.com/?pa
soul.
ge_id=314
Footnotes: 1. Marjorie A Matter of Survival (Part
Garber, Vested Interests:
2)
Cross-Dressing and Cultural
Anxiety, (New York: by Bob (written for Help 4
Routledge, Chapman & Hall,
Families)
Inc., 1992), 11. 2.Leanne
Payne, The Broken Image, Taking a hot and lengthy
(Wheaton, IL: CrossWay shower had become a
Books, 1981), 55. 3. Leanne ritualistic overture to
Payne, Crisis in Masculinity, stepping into the world of the
(Westchester, IL: Crossway feminine. It was a twisted
Books, 1985), 4. Ibid., 14. form of baptismal cleansing,
5. Payne, The Broken an act of purification where
Image, 86. 6. Joseph the despised evidence of the
Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy masculine was removed by
of Male Homosexuality, the sharp, ceremonial
(Northvale, NJ: Jason instrument, a Bic razor.
Aronson, Inc., 1991), 132.
7. Elizabeth Moberley, However, this day was
Homosexuality: A New decidedly different. As I
Christian Ethic, (Cambridge: stood beneath the
James Clarke & Co., 1989) exhilarating fount, a familiar,
8. Nicolosi, 58. 9. John gentle voice interrupted my
Sandford, The thought processes. It was
Transformation of the Inner unexpected, extremely ill-
Man, (Tulsa, OK: Victory timed, intrusive, tender, but
House, 1982, 192-193 10. firm. My spirit knew whose
Payne, Crisis in Masculinity, voice it was. So did my
26. 11. Payne, Restoring the troubled soul! He said, “You
Christian Soul, Wheaton, IL, do not have to do this, for I
am here to give you the WOMAN INSIDE THIS BODY!”
strength to resist.”
I had tried so hard to
This was not good news to convince myself that I was a
my ears! I wanted to step genetic flaw, which in turn
out of the shower, dry off and made God the ultimate
get about the task at hand scapegoat. This is
ASAP! It was something I commonplace for us, isn’t it?
had planned to do for days. God’s encouragement came
The time was right. once more to draw from the
Everything was in place for inner strength of His
being transformed into my indwelling Spirit in order to
female self, Jennifer, if but abort the intentional
just for a few hours. This was destruction of the masculine.
not something I had thought “But, God!” I protested, “I
I would have to reckon with: have already removed my
the possibility of escaping bodily hair, purchased new
this bewildering compulsion things and everything is in
of cross-dressing by simply motion to do it. I have gone
obeying the inner urging of this far! I might as well carry
God’s voice. it through to completion, for
I have already sinned.
The Scripture came to my Besides all that, I am not
mind: “No temptation has hurting anyone by cross-
overtaken you but such as is dressing.”
common to man; and God is
faithful, who will not allow That did not turn Him away.
you to be tempted beyond My response? I put my face
what you are able, but with directly beneath the flow of
the temptation will provide a cooling water, in the hope
way of escape also, that you that the tender urging would
may be able to endure it.” (I cease, or at least be
Cor. 10:13) momentarily quieted.

I butted my head against the How many times had I


wall of the shower as a man begged God to remove this
within an institution’s padded part of my life from me? I did
cell, babbling beneath the not want to be the frustrating
steady cascade of water, and shameful person that I
“But, God, I do not want to was! Two distinct
escape this!!! I have been personalities, one markedly
looking forward to being masculine, the other a
Jennifer once again. Don’t semblance of the feminine. I
you understand? I AM A had written in my journal
some six years before these perhaps the very person I
observations: should have been all along!

I am today very, very sad. I We transsexuals think of


see myself as miserably ourselves as very unique
(very possibly, irreversibly) individuals. Both sexes rolled
emotionally ill. I am afraid up into one package. We love
that I can never really be it and hate it! We enjoy both,
healed of this condition. I am but have a sense of disgust
so afraid of the power that I for each. We learned at a
have within myself to destroy very early age to easily slip
all that I have worked so into either role in any given
hard to build. I feel tired, moment, loathing, yet loving
exhausted, without any each sex role, for there are
residual energy! I am weary distinct advantages to both.
of the incredible We have indulged ourselves
masquerade. I am lonely, so with the best of both worlds.
very lonely, feeling as though
no one could ever But eventually the
understand or care. experimentation with the
feminine role dominates and
I wish that I could put an end wins control over our
to this misery I daily face. wounded soul. We become
The only way that I know to increasingly passive,
do that is by either killing unwilling to resist her
myself, having my sex demands for expression.
gloriously changed, or Many of us grow weary of the
experiencing some conflict and finally turn to the
miraculously designed surgeon for more permanent
intervention from God. I relief.
have little (or no) hope for
any genuine or lasting As an adolescent I spent
change. hours recording my thoughts,
feelings and experiences in
I am not sure that I really my diary. One such entry
never want to dress as a registered my anxiety: I got
woman again. It is entirely stuck in Mom’s red dress.
too pleasurable and fulfilling, The zipper got stuck. Dad
either in fantasy or fact. It is was asleep but I had to get
only then that I feel I am at out of Mom’s things before
peace with myself. The she got home. My brother
woman I see reflected in the came in and helped me get
mirror is the person I have out. I didn’t want to put the
always wanted to be . . . dress away. I loved being in
it again. But I don’t get it. I identity and name much
want to be a girl. But I want more than my male one. I
to be a boy, too. truly enjoyed both, but held
the feminine in a much
What we transsexuals higher regard, acting out its
imagine to be our “true role whenever possible.
identity” becomes a
deplorable admixture of Why did I prefer living in the
unspeakable elation and role of the female? Why do
pain! Why? It is lust at its you? Good question! In my
core–destructive lust that case, a concrete decision was
demands more than we made in my third year of life.
would have ever been at first What other kind of decision
willing to pay. It is also rage– can be made by a three year
a silent, furious resentment old? You do not reason out all
and protest. Lust and rage of the explanations, facts and
when blended together thrust events. They serve as the
us into the hellish mockery of mortar for forming self-
a human soul that we call perceptions. You simply
transsexualism. As pointed experience them and make
out by one professional, “In decisions based upon your
sexual terms, lust may be very limited world-view,
experienced at first as forming conclusions that are
pleasurable and satisfying. forever solidified in the soul.
Fantasies will almost always
move from the private to the I vividly recall the hot
relational–from thought to summer afternoon that Carol
deed. . . devaluating the soul and I were playing house on
and, in fact, intensifying the the front porch. Both Carol
emptiness.”1 and I were in play dresses,
enjoying being like mommy,
Most of us adopted a female fixing something to eat for
“secret” identity by the age her baby. She reached for
of puberty, many of us long her doll and then gave it to
before. The girls in my me. With that exchange, the
neighborhood called me mantle of the feminine was
Jennifer Elaine when I played warmly received, and the
with them, sharing with me masculine was forsaken as a
their mommy’s clothing, viable option for me. I was
lipstick, perfumes, high like her, and both of us were
heels. Each time I crossed like our mommies. That was
over gender lines, the good! So very good!
feminine identity became
more fixed. I liked my female I cannot explain the
formidable wall of separation our happiness.
between my father and
myself. It was just there. For An excerpt from a letter my
whatever reason, I did not Dad wrote prior to his death
want to be like him, or like expressed his desires for his
any other man I had met. His first son: “Words cannot
life was not appealing to me, express what your coming
perhaps even threatening, or into this world meant to me
offensive. I did not want to and mommy. You were and
do “men’s things”. I did always will be a good boy. I
them, but not with a sense of always think of you when
enjoyment or satisfaction. It mommy was working and
just seemed that it could you helped take care of little
never compare to the brother. I don’t know what I
wonderful world I engaged would have done without
when crossing over you.”
proscribed gender lines into
Jennifer’s role, using my The remarkable thing is that
Mom’s things to momentarily I do not remember a time
escape the daily anguish of when he actually told me he
being male. loved me, or initiated a hug.
I can fully identify with the
What was it that created this man who said, “I have never
monster within my soul? For felt loved or affirmed as a
years I cast the entire blame son or as a man by my
upon my father, thinking that father. I don’t remember him
he could have changed the holding me, telling me he
course of my history had he loves me, that I am good, or
been more attuned to my that he is proud of me.”2
needs. In my childish
thinking he simply was not As a youngster, the only
there when I needed him. thing that registered within
me was that he wasn’t there
I now realize that he was when I needed him. Nor was
doing all that he knew to do he very interested in what
for his son. He was making interested me. Reality insists
sure that his family would that these perceptions of him
never go without the material were inaccurate and
things in life. He worked therefore absolves him from
hard, long hours on the night responsibility for my
shift at a job that he hated. emotional malady. But then,
Dad was very much in love reality and I had never been
with his beautiful wife, close companions!
devoted to his two sons and
No matter how many only if I were a woman. I
wonderful traits Dad had know men who have attained
(and he had plenty), the fact the highest ideal of a
was that I felt insignificant to transsexual’s dream through
and rejected by him. My “corrective” surgery, and
defensive stance resulted in daily attest to their sense of
rejecting him and the well being. But in fleeting
masculinity he represented. moments of gut-level
This is what Dr. Elizabeth honesty, express their
Moberly refers to as a same lingering emotional pain,
sex deficit and detachment.3 instinctively (perhaps not
consciously) knowing that
It is more serious, however, the deepest longing has
in that I renounced my link always been for Daddy’s
with the masculine and opted love.
for the only sex left. I did not
try to find my completion in So we draw life from mother,
other men. That was not identifying as best we can
possible, I thought, because with her, dressing up like her
I was supposed to have been (or sister) whenever the
a girl, and felt that I could occasion permits. We prefer
only be acceptable to Dad (or being with her, and we grow
any other male) in that role. extremely envious of the
ease with which girls can
Transsexualism is in truth an fully emulate their mothers,
extreme form of receiving compliments and
unconscious, repressed obvious demonstrations of
homosexuality, for I truly affection from their dads.
wanted Dad’s love and
affirmation, but thought it I do not believe that I ever
only attainable if I were a became detached from Mom.
female. Most trans-gender It wasn’t that she was a
males will be repulsed by the `smothering’ kind of
notion they are basically influence at all. She was
operating from the same simply the most available,
defensive detachment coping affirming and desirable of the
mechanism of the overt two. As Dr. Nicolosi
homosexual. We believe expressed it, “The father has
ourselves to be afflicted in a to be a strong and attractive
totally different way. Give it enough parent to induce the
some more thought! son to leave the comfortable
relationship and original
Therefore, intimacy with a identification with mother.”4
man was acceptable to me
My Mother was a very victims, accustomed to being
attractive and warmly casualties of war. As it was so
affectionate lady. She well stated in Jessie Penn-
seemed to always find time Lewis’ War on The Saints:
for me, even though she “The chief condition for the
worked long, hard hours as a working of evil spirits in a
hairdresser. She deeply loved human being, apart from sin,
me, included me into her life is passivity, in exact
and affirmed my feminine opposition to the condition
qualities. Often I would hear which God requires from His
her say to her customers children for His working in
how she had always longed them.”5 “You can’t expect
for and had expected me to God to protect you from
have been her little girl. It demonic influences if you
could not have pleased me don’t take an active part in
more for her dream to come His prepared strategy.”6
true in me!
But cross-dressing had
I turned off the shower, dried become my means of
myself and stepped into the survival! To devour (or be
bedroom where all of the devoured by) womanhood
articles of my Jekyll and had become a routine. I was
Hyde identity lay waiting for living from an inherited
my use. Fully dressed and problem resulting from the
once again seeing the Fall, refusing to allow Jesus
feminine side of my be Lord!
personality reflected in my
mirror, it was obvious that I I was not wanting to be a
was unwilling to collaborate humdrum male. In order to
with the Creator’s prompting. escape that horrible fate, I
I had clear rationale for what quickly yielded to fantasy,
I was doing. I was Jennifer. imagining what it would be
As I viewed myself from all like to be a woman,
angles, I repeated over and transported into that more
over, “I am a woman! I am a appealing realm, where
woman!” fantasies served as “magic
carpets . . . to deliver the
God-breathed inner strength soul from boredom, anxiety,
to resist was there, but not anger, loneliness, and rage to
appropriated. It is a fact that a `better’ world that offers
God provides all we need to momentary relief and
win the battles within our satisfaction.”7 Lust is
soul, but more often than properly defined as “The
not, we are seasoned effort to possess another in
order to steal enough passion that we have to fully
to be lifted out of our current understand all of the
struggles into a world that intricacies of our past before
feels (for an instant) like the we can effect lasting change
Garden of Eden.”8 in the present. That is
helpful, but not required. The
The story line is radically truth is that the Lord wants
different now, thanks to the to invade the present with
steady and unfailing His power to overcome the
goodness of God in healing sensual lusts of our soul,
my masculine identity and heal the ravaged heart and
helping me find what one mind.
author described as “liberty
through Christ to disown the This whole “shower episode”
flesh with all its programs, happened long before I
including the desires for actively pursued therapy. The
sexual expressions contrary Spirit of God was giving me
to the intention of the clear instruction on what to
Creator.”9 It has taken a long do long before I came into
time for me to be able to contact with the “root
genuinely attest to such a causes” of my sexually
thing as lasting change, an broken identity. Life is so
authentic inward peace with much different when we
who I really am–a man. cooperate with God, learn to
draw upon that inner
Embracing the masculine strength to resist, for it is
does not occur quickly. It is always there.
impossible to unravel all that
goes into this kind of Feelings will always be there,
personal restoration. That is too. They are not easily
one of the main reasons for changed. Our twisted
writing this to you, using this passions are motivated by
platform to transmit hope, rebellion and self-love. It is
encouragement and insights. God’s grace (empowerment!)
I do not want others to go that enables any of us to be
through the years of anguish, free. We rationalize our
self-loathing and inevitable persistent identification with
loss of God’s intended the feminine by saying that
destiny. God expects too much from
us. We protest, “I do not
One thing is for certain: God have the inner strength (or
is not in a hurry and will help desire) to stop this never-
us every step of the way, if ending cycle of entering into
we let Him. Many believe my imaginary world of the
woman within!” The choice is ours. It always
will be.
That is just the point! We do
not possess that kind of Footnotes: 1. Dan Allender,
energy. It is from God alone! Bold Love, (Colorado Springs,
Paul clarified it plainly, CO: Navpress, 1992), 105.
saying, “Therefore do not let 2. Leanne Payne, Crisis in
sin reign in your mortal body Masculinity, (Westchester, IL:
that you should obey its Crossway Books, 1985), 71.
lusts, and do not go on 3. Elizabeth Moberly,
presenting the members of Homosexuality: A New
your body to sin as Christian Ethic, (Cambridge:
instruments of James Clarke & Co., 1989),
unrighteousness; but present 38. 4. Joseph Nicolosi,
yourselves to God as those Reparative Therapy of Male
alive from the dead, and your Homosexuality, (Northvale,
members as instruments of NJ: Jason Aronson, Inc.,
righteousness to God. For sin 1991), 33. 5. Neil T.
shall not be master over you, Anderson, The Bondage
for you are . . . under grace.” Breaker, (Eugene, Oregon:
(Romans 6:12-14) Harvest House, 1990), 78.
6. Ibid, 78. 7. Dan Allender,
We have ample opportunity Bold Love, (Colorado Springs,
to receive or reject God’s CO: Navpress, 1992), 103.
enabling power. If you 8. Ibid, 103. 9. William
merely want pain removed, Backus, Telling the Truth to
you will not get well. If you Troubled People,
desire only to go on enjoying (Minneapolis, MN: Bethany
your own selfish, self- House, 1985), 243. 10. John
centered life, you will not Sandford, The
reach your intended destiny Transformation of the Inner
in God. If your goal is to Man, (Tulsa, OK: Victory
escape trouble (the very House, 1982), 119.
thing God uses to wake us
up) so you can go on serving http://help4families.com/?pa
your selfish god of pleasure,
ge_id=316
you will not find true
fulfillment in life. A Matter of Survival (Part
3)
But those who relinquish
their life to God will find true by Bob (written for Help 4
life. The secret of life is to Families)
lose it (Luke 17:33).10
People will be lovers of
themselves, abusive, without than normal steps, masculine
love, without self control, steps, very similar to a self-
lovers of pleasure rather than assured machoism that John
lovers of God. (2 Timothy Wayne portrayed. But in this
3:2-4) case even the “Duke” would
have had to sheepishly step
This store had become a aside! “What is going on
familiar setting, though it here?”
was quite unlike the shops I
formerly frequented which It wasn’t that I was actually
displayed their alluring strutting like a peacock, but
articles of women’s apparel. felt as though I were. I
When I was actively involved passed by the bath
in the transsexual lifestyle, accessories, noticing my
letting me loose in a reflection in the lineup of
woman’s dress shop was vanity mirrors. The name for
tantamount to trying to them is most appropriate,
confine a bull in a room of because I felt very proud
red banners. Euphoric about my appearance and
fantasies and emotional place in life. I paused in front
discharges would surge of one full-length mirror,
throughout my being with gazing with approval at the
the force of an atom- manly image before me,
smasher! seemingly oblivious of what
others might think. My
The store I had just entered perception was that
was world’s apart! It was everyone’s eyes were
extremely over-populated focused upon me in a
with men, an environment positive, affirming, perhaps
that used to be so even envious, way. Most
unbearably intimidating. The unusual of all was the feeling
fragrance was typically male of being a mature male deep
as well: the smell of fresh cut in my interior. Quite
wood. It was a lumber yard. incredible!
I had come to purchase some
2×8′s for steps I was I advanced to the counter to
building at home. But things place my order. There the
were unexplainably (most six-foot lumberjack stood.
alarmingly) different. But I didn’t experience the
normal cowering of a little
It was as though the little boy or an inferior male. If
boy in me had matured and anyone had been in front of
was taking manly steps. me, I suspect that I would
Inwardly I was taking larger have brushed him aside,
saying, “Out of my way!” I some kind of a saw, but
was not in the least bit clearly not the one he
intimidated! needed. Once again I was
shamed by his angry words,
My five-foot-ten frame “You dummy! I told you to
seemed to tower above his get the hack saw. I’ll tell you,
and I heard my unusually if you want anything done
deepened voice barking, right, you do it yourself.”
“Hey Tom! Give me five two Sounded good to me! I didn’t
by eights and five two by much like being the
fours that are ten foot long! apprentice carpenter anyway.
Make sure they’re treated, Who needs the sweat, the
too!” He dutifully completed dirt, the back-breaking work,
the form and asked if I the cigarette smoke, or the
wanted anything else. “That’ll verbal abuse?
do it for today. Thanks, bud!”
I walked away, shaking my It didn’t take many more of
head in disbelief that I had these episodes to make sure
actually said it in that way. that I was unavailable when
Dad did his work. I didn’t
Having sorted through the care to link my sexual
pile of lumber for the best identity to his!
pieces, I strode toward my
vehicle with them slung over The deeper injury was my
my shoulder. My memory feeling of being ill-equipped
flashed back to a most as a member of the male
distasteful event of childhood species, totally inadequate
when my father had placed a for the task, seemingly unfit
monstrous board on my to manage myself acceptably
shoulder, expecting me to in that undesirable role. I
carry it a distance of what lived in a shame-based
appeared a mile to my six- struggle for survival, trying
year-old frame. My dad had my hardest to make it, but
taken on the task of building constantly receiving the
his own garage. Not a message that I was somehow
particularly gifted carpenter, defective and inadequate as
he was extremely impatient a male.
and used me as a “go-fer”
for his tools. At least that was my
perception and a deeply
“Go get my hack saw!” I ingrained reality to me by the
hurried to the basement, age of four. After all, the
wondering just what that family is “the primary
looked like. I returned with channel for learning one’s
identity, for having needs the image of my idealized
met, for understanding who woman and routinely
God is, and for developing escaping the incredible pain
relationships.”1 of being a male by cross-
dressing. Female clothing
The lumber yard attendant was the object of my
checked over my load and fantasies, and when I was
stapled a red flag on the wearing “Mom’s things” I felt
protruding pieces of wood. As worthwhile and affirmed.
I drove home, my memory
returned to another painful That is true for all of us who
situation. I was playing on have become trans-
our front porch with the girls gendered. It is the willful
in my neighborhood. Dad taking on of the illusion that
was passing by with several being a member of the
pieces of lumber balanced on opposite sex is better, even if
his shoulder and tools in his it be for a few moments. It
other hand. I was dressed in serves as a coping
one of mommy’s old dresses, mechanism, a means of
as were the other girls. Dad surviving the day. It most
jokingly said, “Hey, you make unfortunately does not stop
a cute looking girl, Bob. Too there, for the addictive
bad you weren’t born one. appetite of the beast always
That would have made your demands more and more
mommy happy!” I didn’t meat, to the extreme of
laugh. gender-identity suicide.

The “core-belief” was set in One of my journal entries


my heart like concrete: Life recorded these disturbing
would have been better as a findings:
girl. Dad and Mom repeatedly
reinforced their preference I thought that I could stop
for a daughter, and their the forward motion of this
friends would often remark lifestyle. I had been labeled a
how much I favored Mom. To transvestite by my doctor.
be like her sounded so That’s not the way things are
satisfying to me. She was so now. I’m getting worse by
loving and gentle. I perceived the year! Now I am
her world to be soft, hopelessly trapped in cross-
perfumed, pampered and dressing every day and it
safe. consumes all my thoughts
and plans. If I am not
I did everything I could to actually cross-dressing, I am
maintain that belief, creating planning it in my mind. I eat
it, drink it, smell it all the day inherent in the transsexual
long. And to top it off, my thought process, I pondered
dreams are saturated with it, these questions in my
too! journal:

I could only end this Aren’t we being a bit too


madness, this compulsive melodramatic? Aren’t we
drive and energy by being making ourselves an elite
able to live as a woman on a group of sinners? Are we not
full-time basis. That is now truly addicts, demanding our
all that I can think about. reprehensible `drug of
Castration is a recurrent, choice’ to medicate our
delectable fantasy. I started gnawing sense of personal
out thinking that all of this worthlessness? Aren’t the
could be controlled. That I consequences too severe?
could simply cross over the Our answer is, `NO!’. . .
assigned gender lines and basically because we are so
not be any the worse for it . . sinfully addicted,
. perhaps even improved. compulsively driven to do
what the immediate self-
But, now I am no longer gratification demands, with
content to slip in and out of little or no regard to the
the two roles. I have spent consequences of such
so much time in the illusion, actions.
I feel I am now more of a
she than a he. I no longer But that admission and
have the illusion. It has me! realization didn’t immediately
transform me into some
I have heard (and voiced) glowing role-model of
the customary disclaimers for masculinity. It is not until we
our trans-gender condition dare to face the horrible
and our progressive self- inner pain and sense of
debasing and sinful choices. masculine inadequacy, along
A favorite one was, “We with the multiple sinful
cannot be compared to choices we have made, that
anyone else, neither can our healing begins.
behavior be characterized as
addictive, since we are I had to admit that my
talking about core-identity, addictive bond in creating the
not the external influences of illusion of the feminine was
some chemical.” merely masking my
unresolved inner pain (and
Just prior to making the sin) that gave me a sense
break with the illusions that I still controlled life. I
could be a man or woman and to then love others as
whenever I chose, myself.
maintaining a “false
intimacy” with mom, while “Receiving restorative healing
clinging to some semblance is much more than simply
of my God-created gender.2 renewing your own efforts to
do what’s right. It’s much
“The real issue isn’t how more than just choosing to
deeply you were wounded, stop your addictive
but what you’ve done to behaviors. Without God’s
protect yourself from further help, you can modify your
wounds by turning to false behaviors through willpower,
intimacy. The issue is also perhaps even stopping them
whether or not you’ll allow for a long period of time. But
your woundedness to prevent you’ll continue to wrestle
you from loving God and with internal struggles with
others.”3 no hope of conquering them.
Sin is too strong to overcome
Sadly, the vast majority of on your own. You must
transsexuals are not wanting pursue God on His terms, in
to pay the price or take the brokenness and humility,
risks of putting an end to the facing the sinful condition of
madness. We argue, “If I your heart and inviting God
give up being able to dabble to begin healing you.”4
in the feminine world, then
what is there of value that is Healing from transgender
left?” So most give up any dysphoria is most certainly a
hope that their lives can ever lengthy process. It doesn’t
be lastingly changed. And come easily. Nor does it
this cruel world with all of its seem Jesus is terribly
godless advice and unloving anxious about speeding up
tolerance, lets the wounded the arduous task of
die. cleansing, restoring and
making all things new.
My recent experience in the Indeed, it would appear that
lumber yard was a direct God is relatively unconcerned
result of the Lord’s about meeting our timetables
longsuffering and a decade of and expectations. “Yet it is
inch-by-inch redemptive extremely important to
healing, not man-made recognize that He is never
psychological persuasion to actually late. His timetable
think positively about myself. for action is simply different
It is part of God’s design: to from ours. And it is usually
love Him first and foremost slower!5 But it is complete
and so very good! in the scene, standing beside
me. I looked up into His face.
A full year before the There was such a calmness
“Lumber Yard Experience” I and strength about Him. He
was at a Leanne Payne smiled and said, “Bob, I have
Pastoral Care Conference, something here for you. It’s
simply there to participate much better for you to play
the best I could, knowing with this. It’s okay to be a
that there yet remained truck driver . . . a man. It’s
within me unresolved okay because that’s what I
vestiges of the past. As I was want you to be.” He then
praying, I was inwardly held out to me a large wood
aware that Someone I knew (obviously homemade) red
was entering into my pickup truck. It was the
conscious thoughts. It was neatest I’d ever seen. I took
obviously Jesus. it from his large hand and
placed it upon the floor in
The scene before my mind’s order to play with it. I rolled
eye was that of the front it back and forth. It was very
porch of my childhood home, heavy.
where I had been playing
with my neighborhood Jesus then began to make
girlfriend, Carol. She was the sounds of an engine and
extending her baby doll to to my surprise sat down
me. I was making the beside me in order to share
decision that was to affect the fun with me. He rolled
the rest of my life’s choices. the truck back and forth to
(I was between three and me, encouraging me to make
four years of age.) the same kind of engine
sounds. I did. At one point
In the actual event so long He was lying on His left side,
ago, I had gladly received getting more and more at
the doll, and with that eye level with me. His smile
exchange, the mantle of the and laughter were beyond
feminine was warmly description.
received, and the masculine
was forsaken as a viable Then Jesus got up and
option for me. I was like her clasped my hand, saying,
and both of us were like our “Let’s go.” Carol was still
mommies. That was good. So playing with her doll. Before
very good! Jesus and I stepped off of the
porch, He turned and took
The revisited event took a hold of my waist, lifting me
different twist, for Jesus was abruptly above His head,
suspending me there for Christ’s firm grip. The sun
what seemed a long time. was shining and I was happy.
So happy!
I was able to view this from
both within and outside of Thanks to Jesus’ intervention
my body. At one moment I and progressive healing, I
saw what appeared to be a am more than just a survivor.
still snapshot of the scene. I am being completed. My
And then, I was looking down manhood is more of a
into the kindest face I have tangible reality every day.
ever seen. His eyes were That is the explanation of
filled with joy in me. His what transpired in the
arms were so strong. I lumber yard. Owning and
thought, “How can He hold fully entering into my rightful
me in the air so long above inheritance: manhood! My
His head?” It seemed as female identity (and that of
though His hands completely any other transsexual) was
encompassed my waist. And nothing other than a
the incredible strength! It deceptive illusion.
radiated from His forearms
into His fingertips and into Listen to one of my dear
my arched body. friend’s comprehension of
that same reality: The worst
Then He set me down firmly fear that I have ever had in
upon my feet, saying, “Come my life was that there would
on, let’s go for a walk.” I bent be nothing left of me, that I
down to pick up my red truck would somehow disappear
and took hold of His hand. I and cease to be if I gave up
looked back and saw Carol this woman that I felt was
still in her feminine inside of me. I know that you
imaginary world, playing with have talked to me about
her doll. She waved goodbye. this Bob and have had to also
overcome this same fear
Ahead was a long sidewalk. yourself. But I never had the
There were large trees on courage to actually do it.
either side, providing a
beautiful leafy tunnel. I Well, in the presence of God,
walked with an inner I finally received the courage
confidence that I had never to face this horrible fear. A
before known. As I looked up person who was praying with
into the trees, I could feel me said, `Pull the idol from
the truck tucked close to my your heart and give it to
right side, while my left hand Jesus.’ I was seeing Jesus on
was securely fastened into the cross. It was a big cross,
and Jesus was big. He was Not a single burst but a
even big enough to take all steady stream. He just kept
of my sins. And the on filling me. God gave me a
expression on His face new identity! I am now a real
showed me that He was person! I am God’s son and
happy to take my sins. He the more I become like
wanted to take them. He Christ, the more of a person
wanted to lift this burden off I will become. Thank you,
of me which I was no longer God!”
able to bear.
Let me close by quoting Dr.
In my mind I took my hand James Dobson from his
and pulled this woman out of excellent book, When God
my heart. When I pulled her Doesn’t Make Sense. He says
out she was almost as big as that God’s heart “is especially
me. It left a huge hole in my tender toward the
chest and my body was downtrodden and the
almost hollow. Then God defeated. He knows your
gave me the grace to look name and He has seen every
into the woman’s face before tear you have shed. He was
He took her away. To my there on each occasion when
surprise it was she who had life took a wrong turn. And
no face! Not me! It was she what appears to be Divine
who had no identity, NOT ME! disinterest or cruelty is a
She was the illusion! Then I misunderstanding at best
pushed her away toward and a satanic lie at worst.
Jesus’ cross. She began to
spin head over heels toward How do I know this to be
the cross. Then she was true? Because the Scriptures
hurled over the shoulder of emphatically tell us so. For
Christ, shrinking in size, until starters, David wrote, `The
she finally disappeared. This Lord is close to the
was too good to be true brokenhearted and saves
because it was she who those who are crushed in
disappeared, not me! Praise spirit.’ (Psalm 34:18)
God!
What comfort we should
Then, if this is possible, draw from that
Jesus’ smile got even bigger! understanding. He is calling
He wasn’t done with me yet. your name to the Father
He looked down at the huge today, pleading your case
hole in my chest and from and describing your need.
His heart straight to my How wrong it is, therefore, to
heart came a blast of light. place blame for your troubles
on the best Friend mankind years ago, at a point when I
ever had! Regardless of other was in deep struggle in my
conclusions you draw, please own life, and the love of God
believe this: He is not the seemed to laugh in my face,
source of your pain.”6 I read again Paul’s words: “. .
. nothing can separate me
Footnotes: 1. Jeff from the love of God in Christ
Vanvonderen, Tired of Trying Jesus . . .”, whereupon he
to Measure Up, (Minneapolis, lists all kinds of things, awful
MN: Bethany House things, that I would have
Publishers, 1989), 41. 2. interpreted as the measuring
Harry W. Schaumburg, False rod of God’s love in my life.
Intimacy, (Colorado Springs, But he says, these things are
CO: Navpress, 1993), 74. 3. things that are part of life
Ibid, 74. 4. Ibid, 75. 5. that come to everybody in
James Dobson, When God greater or lesser degrees,
Doesn’t Make Sense, and have nothing to do with
(Wheaton, ILL: Tyndale God’s love, which stands
House Publishers, 1993), 52- firm, undisturbed and steady,
53. 6. Ibid, 236. burning like an eternal flame
for me, regardless of what
One Saturday a few weeks might happen in my life.
back, the Lord spoke into my
Spirit that it had taken Him So what, then, is the love of
nearly 20 years to convince God, if not freedom from
me that He loved me. I stood suffering and the presence of
stock still over the vacuum earthly blessing? “This is the
cleaner and pondered hard at love of God, ” the apostle
that one. I realized it was says, “that when I was still a
completely true. It had taken sinner, Christ died for me.”
all the years since I returned Period. So now I see why the
to Him at the age of 31 to “nothing” of life can never
believe He loved me. For one touch this love. It is
thing, I had not understood inviolable, eternal, securing
what His love was. I my permanent spot in my
measured His love by the Father’s kingdom
ebb and flow of forevermore–however long
circumstance, and indeed the that may be! I have a
Old Testament understanding permanent love-spot in my
of God can make a case for Father’s heart. Period.
this view. Thank God that’s
not all we have! Even my sin does not affect
it. Even my failing Him,
One day, not that many disappointing Him, and
everybody else–can’t jostle commitment revolutionized
it. His love is there for me, my life, but it did! I could
just because He wants it to wish it had been a lot
be and not at all because of sooner; I do wish it had
my good behavior. Though I been, but it was not.
abandon Him, He loves me
still. Though I curse Him, He In this dismal season, let
deflects the curse of my your roots go down deep into
ignorant heart and loves me the well-watered soil. Simply
still. permit God to love you and
deliver you and heal you. He
God loves you. You want to is. He will. No striving on
run away from God and most your part. And do keep this
of all way from yourself. So in mind: You have not
what? The love of God stands “blown” the call of God on
firm for you. Furthermore, your life. The call is always
God relentlessly and before you, not behind you.
persistently loves you. He calls you to Himself. The
Regardless of what you feel details of your journey to
or fail to feel in prayer, while there may vary considerably,
you were lost in your sins, but the end of it is the same.
hopeless and helpless, Jesus Don’t worry. You belong to
died for you. Nothing you Him and He will take care of
have done, are doing, will do, His own.
can every change that. It
happened in history, not at It will save you measurable
the emotional whim of God’s grief and detours, of course,
heart. It is done. And one to walk away from your own
day, you too will be swept particular “fishing net and
away in awe at the tax collection business” and
realization of what Father has to follow Him. That’s the real
done for you. “running away” I’ve found. I,
too, have struggled with that
You are His own! It will never one. Oh, just to take off!
be any different. Once upon Leave husband, job, children,
a time, you gave Him your church, and disappear.
heart. Maybe you were a
child and you wonder if you Some do; I understand why.
even knew what you were But God will not let me run
doing or if it “counts.” I tell away anymore, only into.
you, God collects on the Into Him. And there is where
commitments of childhood. the true freedom is, from
In my own case it was 22 me, me, me! There at last,
years before that “that body of death” is taken
away and I am a new, ever formative years of life were
new, creation. like in the care of one’s
parents, which led to the
I recommend it! security or insecurity of the
child. The end-purpose is not
http://help4families.com/?pa to find fault with the parents
and blame them for all one’s
ge_id=318
choices; but rather to
discover the obvious
Steps Toward Healing interruptions to one’s basic
trust level and the concurrent
by Bob developmental structure of
one’s own sense of personal
1. What does healing involve gender/sexual identity.
for someone struggling with
TG or GID? Healing results when you
come to terms with the “root
An admission and awareness causes” for your life-choices;
that the traditionally the reasons for your first
accepted therapeutic experimentation with clothes
modality is not really the and activities of the opposite
answer to one’s gender gender. The first and
confusion. The person has to foremost restorative issues
recognize that the “one-size- have to do with coming to
fits-all” mentality of the terms with, “What caused the
modern early childhood disruption of
psychiatric/endocrinologist/s basic trust, bonding with the
urgical team does not fit him. same-sex parent, and the
separation anxiety resulting
Healing begins with the from one’s insecurity within
desire to become reconciled the family; as well as the
with early, unresolved inward view of one’s own
childhood emotional wounds; sexual/gender status?” When
events in early the foundations of a healthy
developmental years which self-view are fractured in the
threatened or undermined a first seven years of life, it
person’s feelings of security, results in poor foundations
peace, warmth, comfort, and for healthy adolescent
a secure sense of being development.
deeply and unconditionally /
uniquely loved. Healing occurs when you deal
with the unhealed emotional
Healing unfolds as a result of wounds of your past; those
discovering what the first interpersonal connections
which failed; and the thoughts, feelings, and
emotional distancing that behaviors are your chosen
occurred in the determination method of escaping your
to run away from the present reality. You are
perceived source of your running away from that
emotional pain. which brings you pain. Your
attachment to the world of
Healing happens when you the opposite gender is your
put an end to defining way of detaching from your
yourself as “different” and “a sense of being rejected as a
member of the opposite viable member of your God-
gender” because of your proscribed gender.
natural in-born temperament
and natural interests, which You will need to admit that
created an inward desire to you are flawed in your inward
do those things which are self-view, which gives rise to
naturally ascribed to the those all-too-common
opposite gender. This has feelings of insecurity and
much more to do with one’s ineptness, or disdain for
God-proscribed uniqueness members of your own
than it has to do with some gender. In order to feel
kind of genetical flaw. better about yourself, you
have adapted an early
2. What sorts of things must childhood experimentation
someone struggling with into a set of life-controlling
these issues accept or face behaviors.
before hoping to find
healing? You will need to come to
admit that only your Creator
You must come to terms with can repair the emotional
your own God-given damage done. Of course God
uniqueness and personality. uses people and events to
Shame-based thinking must restore us; to help us
be uprooted; dealt a death- understand what we are
blow. All of the painful events fleeing from…and need to do
of your past must be in order to stop detaching
uncovered beneath the Godly from our own gender,
oversight of a professional resulting in inner peace.
therapist who knows how to
minister emotional healing You will need to begin to
prayer for you. embrace and thank God for
your gender identity, not
You will need to understand reject it.
that your trans-gender
3. Where does prayer fit into and John Sandford’s Elijah
the model for healing that House Ministries.
you’ve been using with your
clients? What about healing 4. What sort of success rate
prayer? have you seen? We have
evidenced a huge success
Prayer. This is the area which rate, nearly 80% among
is so confusing because we those who want to change.
feel like we’ve done all of the In order to accomplish this
prayer needed and God’s requires:
only consistent answer has
been silence. “Please take * a total devotion to facing
these feelings away from me, the truths about how this
Lord God,” we pray. Silence. condition came into being in
Feelings persist. Silence. the first place; and a total
Actions follow. Silence. Guilt departure from the post-
and shame trail behind. modernists view of gender
Silence. The cycle is revisited and sexuality.
again and again until the
final conclusion seems quite * adopting the attitude that
apparent: Silence then God, our Creator, knows of
equates to, ” God’s will is for nothing beyond His
me to be a member of the redemptive circle to remedy
opposite gender.”
* being entirely honest with
Healing Prayer has been yourself and others about
around for a long, long time. your current struggles
Many prayer ministers have
tried to teach God’s people * making peace with your
how to employ God’s past; forgiving and being
restorative healing powers willing to be forgiven
for physical and emotional
ailments. Trans-gender * becoming 100% involved in
thoughts, feelings, and long-term, intensive Faith-
experience seems to be Based counseling and
among the most resistant to accountability.
respond to inner healing
prayer. Those who have * choosing to embrace your
modeled to us some of the God-given gender, thanking
most effective styles of God for who you are
emotional healing prayer are
Leanne Payne, Clay McLean, http://help4families.com/?pa
Mario Bergner, Ed Smith’s ge_id=309
Theophostic Prayer Ministry,
Reasons Change Fails Am I cured? Will I ever be
cured? What would a cure
1. BLAMING OTHERS FOR look like; and what would it
THE EVENTS AND be like to walk in daily
EMOTIONS. freedom from my old desires
to dress like and live as a
2. BLAMING SELF: “NOT woman? These are all great
ABLE!” questions.

3. CHOOSING WRONG When I first came to the Lord


GOALS: TOO LOFTY I was 21 years old. I had
EXPECTATIONS. been cross dressing since I
was four years old. I always
4. TRYING TO TAKE SHORT- felt safe when I was dressed
CUTS. up. It was like a security
blanket. As I reached
5. NEGLECTING LITTLE adulthood I then became
THINGS. Seeing only the big very confused about who I
picture was and who I was
becoming. You see I had
6. DOING OLD THINGS: always had a strong
ISOLATION, FEELINGS, attraction towards women
THOUGHTS, ACTIONS. and was very much a man –
but I found myself
7. NOT ACCEPTING OR increasingly enjoying wearing
GIVING FORGIVENESS. women’s clothes. You can call
me a “Transvestite,” or
8. ILLUSION OF SUCCESS: whatever other term you
“I’M HEALED!” want to catalogue me by. The
fact is that the more I wore
9. MAKING IT HARDER THAN women’s clothes and the
IT REALLY IS. more I began watching
transsexual pornography, the
10. QUITTING TOO SOON!! more I was losing touch with
my true-self. In fact, I finally
http://help4families.com/?pa reached a point where I no
ge_id=305 longer had sexual feelings for
women. They were all
stripped away from me. I
Am I Cured of
was also becoming more like
Transsexuality?
a woman, whether I wanted
to or not.
by Bill
At the age of twenty-one I
realized I had to do I began to learn more and
something. I had to get it all more about myself. I was
figured out somehow. Was I always a misfit in school. I
going to get a sex change very rarely, if ever, received
surgery and thereby begin positive attention from my
living full-time as a woman? father. I was always the one
After all, then I would be who got picked last for the
living for the first time in my team. My earliest memories
life as the “authentic me.” Or, are that of an absent father
was I going to find some and a drunk mother. As I
magic cure that would finally child, I always felt safe and
solve my problems and make secure when dressed in
me whole? This was back in women’s things.
1990 so there was no
internet or much other As I worked through my past
information for me to go on. my true sexual/gender
I began to seek God for the identity began to be
answers and the possible restored. My heterosexual
cure. desires for and attraction to
women returned. My father
I thought I grew up a and I became reconciled to
“normal” boy with all the each other. Things began to
attendant masculine and come together. I then began
heterosexual desires (apart dating and eventually
from the acts of cross married. I reached a point
dressing). But the thing that where I had not cross
bothered me so was my loss dressed for over ten years.
of the attraction towards Imagine that! A decade.
women. In 1992 I gave my Wow!
life to Jesus Christ, asking
Him to help me get this all Then after several years of
figured out once and for all. I marriage and two children, I
read many good books decided to try on some of my
covering many related wife’s undergarments. I was
subjects. One of the best was under so much stress and
“Homosexual No More.” In simply did not know how to
this book I realized things handle my emotions. I
about my “true self” I had informed my wife of what I
never before known. And had done and shortly
who I was made by God to thereafter began to seek help
be. I stopped cross dressing, from the internet, finally
throwing away all of my talking to Jay. He has helped
private stash of women’s me to come into some new
clothing. understanding about what is
really going on. Actually Jay the fantasy, the worse it
has just pointed me in the gets.
right direction and with his
help and the Lord’s, I have When I first started dressing
finally gained lots of new again, it started small. “I will
insights. I have it figured just wear the pantyhose,” I
out. said. But the more I crossed
the gender line, the worse
When I become stressed I and more involved it all
have the desire to reach out became once more. I
for my old security blanket. I eventually reached a point
am a survivalist! I am just where I wanted to go out
looking to make it to the next into the public fully dressed
day. I reached a point to as a woman. Seeing this
where I simply just gave in clearly for what it was, I
and did as I pleased. This of elected to get some help and
course didn’t make me feel heal myself of this awful
any better, except for the invasion of insanity and
immediate and very short- become healed and whole.
lived, momentary relief. And that’s what I have and
Afterwards, I felt nothing but am doing.
increasing shame and worse.
I now no longer dress. Will I
You see, I am a man. I was ever struggle with the
born a man. I will always be inclinations to dress again? If
a man. Crossdressing is only I do, does that then mean
an escape to a fantasy make- that I am not cured? I have
believe land. It’s not real and come to understand that I
that is what always drew me will indeed be periodically
to it. But I now choose to live tempted to return to cross
in reality. dressing. It would be stupid
of me to think I would not
I now choose to take want to return to it when in
responsibility for my actions the midst of tensions or
and I know that the choice is some awful time in my life.
mine to make. Always mine. But that doesn’t matter to
Will I choose to live in my me for I have chosen a much
escapist fantasy, or will I healthier way to live my life.
choose reality? I now choose
to take full responsibility for Am I cured? That depends
my actions, knowing that the upon the steady choices I
choice is always before me. I make for myself and what I
cannot have the “best of both am going to do in the midst
worlds.” If I choose to feed of temptation. I have to
choose for myself what I am transsexuals suffer from
going to do. I choose to walk psychologically-based
in freedom. You can too! gender-role distress,
personality disorders, sexual
http://help4families.com/?pa deviancies and other mental
illnesses. The psychological
ge_id=301
and situational factors which
cause transsexualism have
Medical Research been known and well
documented for decades.
by Ken McGuire
During the 1950s and 1960s,
It is vitally important that however, US endocrinologist
Christians understand the Harry Benjamin theorized
truth about sexuality issues. that there was a subgroup of
Political Correctness has transsexuals apart from the
clouded many of these issues main – “true transsexuals” –
to the point that it is almost who had been born with a
impossible to get to the brain of one sex and a body
truth. of another. He speculated
that this was due to some
For the sake of people kind of hormonal fluctuations
suffering gender confusion it in utero and that it could be
is vital that we not only know resolved surgically, by
the truth but also that the physically altering the
Church offers help and patient’s body to resemble
compassion to sufferers. that of the opposite sex.
Only the truth can set them
free. It was also supposed that the
“true transsexual” could
Transsexualism – Part one easily be distinguished from
the mentally ill because,
The belief that again in theory, a “true
transsexualism is a biological transsexual” would describe
condition for which sex- feelings of having belonged
change surgery is the only to the opposite sex from
treatment is a total sham. birth, of having experienced
This is the first part of a great distress during puberty
three part series on and a persistent discomfort
transsexualism in which we in their biological gender role
will expose some astonishing consistently throughout life.
facts behind this deception.
Although these ideas were
There is no doubt that almost universally rejected
by mental health Authority endorsed the
professionals and despite the service, which was located at
complete lack of any kind of Royal Park Hospital and
scientific or medical evidence funded by the Office of
in support of such theories, a Psychiatric Services (OPS) of
few practitioners in various the Department of Health
places around the world – Victoria (HDV).
including Australian
practitioners in both Medical practitioners and
Melbourne and Sydney – nursing staff who became
commenced clandestine aware of what was going on
experiments on their questioned whether
patients. One such performing the surgery was
practitioner stated that: “The morally acceptable and
first male-to-female surgery whether or not it was a
in Melbourne was cloaked in dangerous collusion with
the deepest secrecy. It was mental illness. Many of those
the late 1960s and the public initially willing to assist the
would have been in uproar. sex-change specialists soon
The surgeon and his staff became disillusioned and
operated on Sundays so his ceased further involvement.
colleagues would not know
and the whole procedure was Consequently, sex-change
kept firmly underground.” experiments in Australia had
to be moved from one
Sex-change specialists medical facility to another
published some initial follow- until, by the late 1970s,
up studies that minimized there were no medical
complications and gave establishments left that were
glowing accounts of post- willing to host the sex-
operative adjustment and change surgeries.
then used these to persuade
responsible authorities to Elsewhere in the world, more
establish “properly problems with the sex-
supervised programs”. change experiments were
beginning to surface. Post-
In 1969 the Melbourne team surgical complications were
established their sex-change being reported in over half of
experiments under the guise the operations, including
of a “Transsexual breast cancer in hormonally-
Consultative Service” (TCS). treated males; the need for
The University of Melbourne surgical reduction of bloated
Department of Psychiatry limbs resulting from
and the Mental Health hormones; repeated
construction of neo-vaginal problems by demanding
openings; infections of the more and more cosmetic
urinary system and rectum; surgery in the hope of finally
hemorrhaging; loss of skin becoming the opposite sex,
grafts; post-operative but never quite getting there.
suicides and suicide
attempts; persistent post- In 1979 the largest “sex-
operative depression, change” program in the USA
psychosis, and phobia; at John Hopkins was closed
sexual dysfunctions; and pre- following an outcome study
and post- operative by Meyer and Reter which
prostitution, often concluded that sex-change
necessitated by the high cost surgery had actually
of treatment. conferred no objective
advantage to their patients.
The patients themselves
were often taken by surprise Then sex-change specialists
by the severe post surgical were shocked by another
pain associated with the discovery: their patients had
genital mutilations. Many routinely and systematically
patients were distressed that lied about their life histories
they did not come out of the in order to match the
anesthetic with the kind of prevailing theories about
“twice born” euphoric “true transsexualism”.
experience that had been
glowingly reported by sex- As it turned out, the kind of
change enthusiasts. Some history that sex-change
patients questioned whether specialists had expected from
the surgery had been true transsexuals was rarely
successful at all whilst others encountered in practice. The
expressed early feelings of concept of a “true
post surgical doubts and transsexual” was abandoned
regrets. and the medical profession’s
worst fears about the sex-
Following surgery, the change experiments had
patient’s expectations of an been confirmed – collusion
immediately blissful, exciting with mental illness.
and romance-filled life was
replaced with the reality of a In part two of this series, we
number of legal, social, will expose how sex-change
economic and emotional specialists turned this
problems. Many post- situation around and how the
operative transsexuals Melbourne team managed to
attempted to solve these establish a government
funded sex-change clinic at identity issues and problems,
Monash Medical Centre. We not just transsexualism. They
will also uncover some argued that there was an
shocking consequences. urgent need for research into
the cause and treatment of
Ken is happy to dialogue with the condition and that this
anyone regarding the was best done in a public
information in this article or setting.
any transgender issue.
In 1988, the Australian
Please contact Ken at: government acquiesced,
gendermender@gmail.com establishing the Monash
Medical Centre Gender
Transsexualism – Part 2 Dysphoria Clinic on the
proviso that any decisions by
In part one of this series we the team to administer sex-
saw how the concept of a change procedures would
“true transsexual” was have to be approved by an
discredited following the independent advisory
discovery that sex-change committee.
experiments had been
conducted on mentally ill The advisory committee
patients who had lied about established to oversee the
their histories in order to fit clinic fell apart soon after it
the belief that transsexuals was formed and Monash
are born that way. Medical Centre refused to
host any sex-change
Despite such setbacks, sex- procedures. Control of the
change specialists around the clinic was given to a
world maintained that sex- psychiatrist on the sex-
change surgery was still the change team who arranged
best means of coping with an for her secretary to attend
estimated 10% of the clinic two days a week.
transsexuals who remained The secretary appears to
unresponsive to have played the role of a
psychotherapy, irrespective psychiatrist at the hospital,
of the underlying cause. accepting patient referrals,
requesting medical and
In Australia, the Melbourne hormonal tests to be
based sex-change team conducted, summarizing
petitioned the government to clinical material,
re-establish a clinic that documenting her own
would provide a service for a conclusions about the
broad range of gender diagnosis and condition of
patients as if these were these studies found that a
matters of fact and then particular gene in Male to
referring patients on to the Female transsexuals was
“private practice” of various slightly longer on average
team members for than that found in the
treatment. Unsupervised in general male population. The
this way, the Melbourne team other study found that a
was able to use the public completely different gene
hospital as a front for their variant was slightly more
continued sex-change prevalent amongst Female to
experiments. Male transsexuals than it was
in the general female
Internationally, sex-change population.
enthusiasts set out to
convince the world that Even overlooking the small
transsexuals were born that sample size of the studies,
way and cannot change. This the fact that the results have
was accomplished through yet to be verified, and the
the misuse and uncertainty as to the role
misunderstanding of that these genes might
scientific studies, political [actually] play in the
activism, litigation and development of
manipulation of the media. transsexualism, one is still
left with the fact that the
It is believed that genetic gene variants in both studies
factors may predispose are present in nearly half of
individuals to a number of the general population, and
mental disorders, anxiety, are absent in more than half
depression and substance of the transsexuals studied.
abuse. It does not follow
from this that people are In other words, if there is a
“born that way” or that they link between these genes and
cannot be helped with transsexualism, then it is at
appropriate psychotherapy or best an extremely weak one,
psychotropic medications. Yet which would lead good
this is exactly what sex- analysts to conclude that
change enthusiasts have transsexualism is almost
repeatedly claimed about the entirely due to psychological
findings of genetic studies or situational factors, with
into gender identity genetics perhaps contributing
disorders. no more than a slight
predisposing role for some
Two such studies were individuals.
published last year. One of
The way in which sex change special “anti-discrimination”
enthusiasts have misused rights. These new laws have
such studies to promulgate then been successfully
their views is deceptively enforced through litigation,
simple. Typically, a reporter often encouraged by ‘Equal
with a vested interest obtains Opportunity Commissions’.
an opinion from one of the
researchers that their Peculiarities in the law have
findings [could] “support a effectively prevented anyone
biological basis for gender other than sex-change
identity” together with a ‘specialists’ from giving
statement from a pro sex- expert witness. In the
change specialist that they absence of any views to the
believe transsexualism is a contrary, the courts have
biological condition. Add to invariably ruled in favor of
this mix a comment from a the theories held by sex-
transsexual about how they change specialists and these
have always felt that way judgments are then cited by
from birth, and the reporter sex-change enthusiasts as
publishes the article under a further proof of their beliefs.
headline such as
“Transsexualism is in the Today it is psychotherapy and
genes”. Thus all those who not sex-change surgery
read this article are which is considered
deceitfully convinced because inappropriate. As for
the newspaper said so and Australia, nearly every
newspapers don’t tell lies! patient referred to the
Monash Clinic over the past
Similar tactics have been twenty years has been placed
regularly used to promote on their sex-change program
the legalization of illicit drugs and I could find no record of
and the normalization of Monash treating anyone with
homosexuality and psychotherapy as opposed to
lesbianism. gender reassignment after
reviewing the documents.
Using this kind of deception
combined with public apathy, Consequently, a significant
sex-change enthusiasts have number of patients drop out
managed to push through a part way through the sex-
number of legislative change process and many
changes over the years that post-operative patients are
grant transsexuals legal left with a body that they feel
recognition as the opposite to is no longer recognizable as
their birth sex and even male or female because,
despite all the rhetoric, it is The psychodynamic routes to
still impossible to actually gender dysphoria (discomfort
make a man a woman or vice with gender role) are
versa. different for boys than they
are for girls and they do not
Sex-change specialists, necessarily all occur in
thriving on the conviction childhood. Invariably, there is
that people are “born that a complex interplay between
way”, have nothing further to different psychological and
offer. Left with a sense of situational factors which
betrayal by the professionals cause a discomfort with, fear
they had turned to for help, of, or rejection of, one’s
and faced with the prospect biological sex and a
of living an isolated and corresponding desire to be
lonely life on the outskirts of the opposite sex. Over time,
society without any real cross-sex wishes develop into
possibility of marriage and cross-sex fantasies and
family, too many find suicide feelings which culminate into
to be their only remaining the belief that one should be
option. or really is the opposite sex.

In the final part of this three Whilst transsexualism is


part series on sometimes associated with
transsexualism, we will look mental illness such as
at the true cause and schizophrenia, transvestism,
appropriate treatment of this body dysmorphia or post-
psychological condition. traumatic stress disorder, it is
more usual to see gender
Transsexualism – Part 3 identity issues in the context
of personality disorders,
In the first two parts on this often the result of childhood
series on transsexualism, we abuse or trauma or, in
saw how transsexualism is a extreme cases, as a form of
psychological condition and dissociative identity disorder
that sex-change operations consisting of a dual
are both inappropriate and male/female persona.
ineffective in the long run. In
this, the third and final part Sexual abuse features
of the series, we answer the prominently in the history of
question as to what the severe transsexualism. Girls
actual cause of may use a cross-gender
transsexualism is and how it identity as a form of self-
can be treated. protection against further
abuse or it may arise as a
form of “identification with masculinity because of
the abuser”. Boys may suffer negative male role models
from confusion about sexual and experience feelings of
orientation following sexual discomfort at the thought of
abuse and this confusion can growing up to become a
spill over into gender man. Boys who do not enjoy
identity. or are not good at perceived
male activities such as sport
Transsexuals often entertain may develop a negative self-
false ideas about gender image. They may also take
roles and what it means to upon themselves the title of
be a man or a woman. These “girl” or “sissy” because of
ideas stem from teasing at school or at home.
inappropriate or absent sex-
role models in childhood and The absence of appropriate
social constructs and result in opposite-sex role models for
gender role discomfort or both boys and girls can also
confusion. These feelings are result in a degree of
exacerbated when the child’s uncertainty and insecurity
role models put each other about their own sexual
down in a verbally abusive identity as well as avoidance
way. or lack of comfort with the
opposite sex. This is often
Girls are more inclined to the cause of
reject their gender role in homosexual/lesbian feeling
societies where women are too.
marginalized and devalued.
Girls are also more inclined Daughters of divorced or
towards cross gender wishes abandoned mothers may
where men are overly valued step in to fill the role of the
or held in high regard. absent father, often being
Daughters who witness their encouraged by their mothers
mother being repeatedly for their “masculine” traits.
verbally and/or physically
abused by males may take For boys, the absence of a
upon themselves the male role model may leave
expressed negativity towards them feeling awkward
women, resulting in a amongst same-sex piers.
negative self image and fear Later, as men, they may be
of womanhood which they inadequately prepared for
see as weakness and the the role of husband and
object of abuse. father, leading to feelings of
failure and discomfort in the
Boys may reject their own male role. Mentally disturbed
or absent mothers can abuse, especially sexual
likewise leave girls feeling abuse may be treated or
inadequate and inappropriate referred for treatment for
in their gender role. that abuse. Those with
personality disorders,
Sexual confusion and same disassociative disorders and
sex attraction can lead to other psychopathology can
transsexualism where there likewise undergo treatment
are highly negative attitudes for those disorders. In the
towards homosexuality. In case where gender identity
this case, the cross gender disorders exist in the context
identity is used to justify of broader identity problems
their same sex attraction as or issues, the patient will
being heterosexual and benefit from exploring issues
therefore acceptable to related to self-identity within
themselves and others. therapy. Psychotropic
medications may be
In less severe cases, prescribed during treatment
confusion about gender can to facilitate therapy.
simply arise out of
adjustment disorders of Socially, persons with gender
adolescence or form part of a identity disorders will benefit
more generalized identity from associations with
confusion, in which questions healthy male and female role
such as “who am I?” and models wherein any wrong or
“where do I fit in?” inappropriate ideas they hold
encompass the question about sex-roles can be
“What gender am I?” challenged and corrected.

Generally, cross gender The greatest barrier to


feelings and behaviors are treatment lies with the
not persistent throughout life patient themselves who
but manifest as a coping refuse to accept any
mechanism during stressful responsibility for their gender
life events. Treatment of dysphoria and are unwilling
transsexualism involves the to question the origin of their
resolution of the underlying condition or explore its
contributing factors. Initially, causes or development or
explorative therapy is entertain any attempts to
valuable in order to obtain change it.
relevant history and to
identify any co-morbid Sadly, another barrier to
psychopathology. Those with proper help today is the
a background of severe attitude of society to simply
affirm and comply with a Part 4 – “The Christian
persons wishes to ‘be the response to a person who
other sex’. This has lead to presents with Gender
authorities allowing very Identity Disorder or cross
young people who are gender dressing”
confused to affirm their
feelings and start treatment http://help4families.com/?pa
to change at a very young
ge_id=230
age, often well before
maturity and possibly even
before puberty. Our Friend, the Enemy

Ultimately, transsexuals NOTE: The following is an


suffer from the same excerpt from a letter to a
problem that we all face – we man who is in the process of
live in a fallen world. None of making a break with the self-
us are as God intended. We destructive sexual addiction
all face choices between right called transsexualism. I hope
and wrong, we all face things it will help clarify some
we do not like about things in your heart and
ourselves. Even Paul found mind.
himself doing what he did not
want to do. It is our response I have spent quite a bit of
that matters. We can attempt time praying over your letter
to justify our wrong feelings, of January 14th and your
desires and actions or we can questions. I want at all times
turn to God through his Son to be entirely honest in my
Jesus Christ and allow him to communication with you,
transform us into the person holding out to you HOPE for
God created us to be, resolution, but the reality
including, in the case of that it doesn’t come quickly,
transsexuals, bringing them cheaply, or within the context
back to sexual wholeness. of isolation.

Yet, we need to understand That is why I am so pleased


that healing can be a long to learn that you have
and hard road – both for the discovered a church that
patient, their family and ministers to such needs as
those assisting them. It is your own. I am anxious to
also difficult for Christians to find out the name of the
know how to respond when contact person in that
confronted with such outreach for future reference.
situations, so we have Breaking the secret is such a
decided we need to include a large part of the overall
healing process. I would help. It is not an easy thing
encourage you to persist in to find the help we need,
finding those whom you can because it takes time and a
trust with your inner pain . . . sort of “plodding along” in
and then let all the junk spill that tedious, humiliating and
out. sometimes frustrating thing
called RECOVERY. As Dr.
Such a group (or individual) Boyd Luter puts it in his
is not just there to be the book, Looking Back, Moving
retainer of our “garbage,” but On
to be a daily resource for
prayer, input, course “The hardest part of this
correction and, in a real process (of healing past
sense, “Jesus with skin on.” hurts) was admitting that I
They can be the ones to couldn’t do it alone. A
whom you can turn for substantial part of my life
encouragement and personal was interned within me, and
accountability when tempted I didn’t really have a clue to
to do what you know is not in unlocking that internal vault
your best interest. It’s in search of answers.
amazing how the nuclear Through the gracious help of
warhead of lust is so easily colleagues, I was able to
diffused by a simple receive assistance from a few
telephone call to someone key individuals who
who knows all about us. It encouraged me to unearth
helps so much to be able to my early experiences and
say, “Hey, I am in big trouble helped draw out a route map
in my mind right now . . . for the recovery journey
how about agreeing in prayer ahead . . . So, at the same
for me?” Accountability is so time that I was digging down
vital to any success! into my past to identify the
issues that had been
I heard once that “Sin carries impacting me, I was digging
you further than you ever down into Scriptures with a
wanted to go. You pay a price team of others to identify
far more than you wanted to how the Bible spoke to those
pay. And you stay much issues.”1
longer than you intended to
stay!” That’s especially true Dr. Luter continued to say,
with you and me . . . and “Recovery is the comeback
others like us! process from an unhealthy
event, relationship, or
You and I have very similar behavioral pattern that
histories in our search for continues to impact a
person’s life in negative to deliver Israel out of the
ways.”2 That’s what you and hand of the Philistines.”
I are involved in. And there’s (Judges 13:5) More than
lots of events, people and that, he was meant to be a
behaviors that we need to Nazirite . . . His body was to
more effectively deal with, be kept clean of strong drink
preferably with others who and sensual indulgence . .
can and will stand with us in ..No razor was ever to touch
our quest for sexual-identity his head. But the human will
wholeness. is always free. God will force
no man to obey Him, nor will
A good friend of mine He shield any from
recently told me, “Jay, the temptation. The sin is not in
entire strategy of Satan is to being tempted but in
lure you and those you work yielding. This is our
with into a disinterest in your battleground, where every
destiny in God; to keep your human being faces a decision
focus upon the yourself and between God and the devil.
the ever-pressing immediate,
not the future God has The devil came to Samson in
planned for you.” a woman’s guise; he often
has and he often does. So
You may have a copy of The Samson lost his first battle
Best of Peter Marshall, with temptation–and we can
written by his wife, be sure that it was a battle.
Catherine. If so, pick it up For God, having blessed
and read his classic sermon Samson with unusual gifts,
entitled, “Our Friend, The needed him. There had to be
Enemy.” He parallels the life a tremendous battle within,
of Samson to our own, particularly that first time.
asserting that God’s purposes But after the first giving-in to
for Samson were far more temptation, our defenses are
splendid than he realized. weaker the next time. We
Peter Marshall said of have handed over our wills to
Samson, the Evil Power, fraternized
with him like the friend he
For any of us . . . the pretends to be. He has won
temptation is to put control. His sly suggestions
ourselves first, at the center infiltrate. . .then contaminate
of life, to play at being God. . . .then dominate.
`I want what I want.’ My
will–or God’s will. In this And so the man who with his
case, God had a great plan bare hands had torn a lion
for Samson: “He shall begin limb from limb was victim of
a snakebite in the tall grass Here are some things you
of sensual indulgence. The must do ASAP for your
argument that desire alone is recovery: 1. Empty your soul
sufficient excuse for conduct of all anger with God. 2.
is a philosophy as old as sex. Make a daily commitment to
The unbridling of passion. . open everything about
.the exaltation of sexual yourself to God and the
pleasures torn from the people He sends your way.
context of life and worshiped 3. Employ battle strategies
as the god of happiness–this when temptations come your
rationale has been given a way, for they surely do and
fresh Freudian face in our will! (We have been so
century; otherwise there is accustomed to laying down
nothing modern about it. our battle gear, succumbing
at the slightest suggestion,
The temptation is always to and forsaking the Lord’s way
purchase popularity by of obedience, for the
joining the crowd around the immediate, compulsive drive
bargain counters of hell, for immoral means of self-
when in exchange for an gratification) 4. Purpose to
irrecoverable, fragile, know Jesus better and love
precious thing–purity–the Him with all your heart. 5.
devil will offer cheap, Become firmly committed to
glittering baubles with which an accountability group. 6.
his hooks are baited.3 Call upon others when first
experiencing temptation. 7.
Excellent material, wouldn’t Keep yourself out of
you say? If you haven’t read situations that lend
the book, it’s time to themselves to stirring up old
seriously consider doing so. thoughts and feelings. Of
He gives a great deal more this drive for immediate
insight than what I have satisfaction, Peter Marshall
space to include in this letter. says:

You said that you were not But the truth is that the devil
expecting me to give you a has no bargains. “Take what
“formula,” some magical you want, Samson. We can
prescription to provide the settle up later.” One of the
cure-all remedy. Good! Cause devil’s tricks is this: When we
I cannot! All I can do is offer choose evil, usually we get
to you those things that are what we want at once and
helpful to me (and others) in pay for it afterward. When
our ongoing recovery we choose good we have to
process. pay for it first before we get
it. Most of us have found this through all of this stuff. We
out with as simple a matter are in this together. I am
as examinations in school. If anything but perfect or
you chose good grades and a without temptation, but I am
degree with honor, you had learning what it takes to stay
to pay months ago with hard on the right course, doing
study, the giving up of some the correct things, making
pleasure or recreation. But if the right decisions. I am
you chose to have a good always growing in my self
time, you began that long understanding and
ago, and you have had your comprehending more of what
fun. You did not pay then, God has for me, which is
but you are paying now in always good! (Jeremiah
your frantic, last-minute 29:11) I am also incredibly
boning for your exams, and aware of my weaknesses and
your paying is not over yet. vulnerabilities.
There will be further deferred
payments later in your life. With that, I am also daily
committed to traverse this
Make no mistake about it. thing called “recovery,” not
This Evil Personality is very just for myself . . .but for
real and very subtle. He is God’s purposes. And for you.
real to me; I know him well.
He wants to persuade us to I am glad to have you
choose the things that we do walking beside me!
not have to pay for right
away. Usually they are cheap Footnotes: 1. Dr. Boyd Luter,
and sordid things. “You want Looking Back, Moving On,
it,” the devil says. “Charge it. (Colorado Springs: Navpress,
I understand. I’m your 1993), 15. 2. Ibid., 19 3.
friend. Take what you want.” Catherine Marshall, The Best
of Peter Marshall, (New York:
But the bills always come Zondervan Publishing, 1983),
due. And what is more, they 246-247. 4. Ibid., 247-248.
are not all presented to you.
Payments must also be made http://help4families.com/?pa
by those close to you, bound ge_id=290
to you through all eternity by
ties of blood and bonds of
love.4 My Pornography Addiction

Well, I have taken enough of My first exposure to anything


your time in this exchange. I of a sexually explicit nature
know that you can make it came when I was in 5th
grade when my next-door me. I was so afraid of what
neighbor showed me one of they might say, but instead
his father’s Playboy of coming down hard on me
magazines. Although we my parents told me that
looked at it for no more than what I was doing was a
a minute, I remember it normal part of growing up. I
being a strange and felt relieved, but confused.
fascinating experience. I just
didn’t have the resources to With the “normalcy” of my
process what was before my behavior verified by my
eyes. Over the next few parents, I continued to act
years, though, as my out sexually, though in the
hormones kicked in and my back of my mind I still
desire for the opposite sex wondered if what I was doing
increased, I began looking was right. As high school
through every women’s came, my fantasy world
magazine, clothing catalog, deepened and I felt
etc. for provocative images. I increasingly powerless. About
also began to use the TV—in this time I also found a stash
my house I had free reign to of porn magazines that
watch whatever and exposed me to material I was
whenever—to seek out quite uncomfortable with.
sexual stimulation. These There was now no doubt that
“hunting and gathering” what I was doing was sinful,
rituals were laying the but it was beyond
foundation for an approach consideration that I was
to sexuality based on fantasy going to tell my parents or
and control. anyone else any more about
what I was doing.
By the time my early teen
years came I knew that what So, when I went away to
I was doing was wrong. I college I took my big secret
accepted Christ around this with me. Life at college was
time, but there was no actually an improvement for
evidence of transformation in me, as much of my access to
my thought life and behavior materials was cut off. I still
in this area. The ritual of found ways to act out on my
“acting out” had become an sexual desires, but my study
almost daily experience. With responsibilities, social
much trepidation, I activities, and shared living
approached my parents and quarters meant fewer
told them what I was doing. opportunities. However, when
It was a gut wrenching and I went home that summer I
humiliating experience for found that my family had for
the first time bought a had worn myself out trying to
computer, which introduced satisfy my lustful appetite. I
me to the world of porn fully gave myself over to my
binging on the Internet. depraved mind and let the
enemy of my soul have his
In college I also met the way with me.
young lady who would
eventually become my wife. By the following Fall, my wife
When we were dating I had rightfully become very
shared with her about my impatient with me. We had
addiction, but didn’t do a decided that I needed to see
great job of communicating a Christian counselor about
how serious and deep it was. my problem, but money was
Several months after we an issue so we kept putting it
were married I reopened the off. The church we attended
issue of my struggle with her at the time was dysfunctional
and this time made sure she and struggling, so there was
understood the true depth of little aid or refuge there. It
my problem. We didn’t tell was still my wife and I trying
anyone else and the two of to fight this battle alone. I
us tried to tackle this issue was a mess.
with God’s help. We didn’t
make much headway. The next Spring, after a
particularly stressful
A couple years later we semester marked by frequent
purchased our first home PC. binging, I told my wife that
The rationale was that it I’d reached a breaking point
would be a great tool for use and that at the term’s end I’d
in graduate school. While it seek whatever help I could
was indeed helpful for doing find. This resulted in me
research and preparing walking into the office of the
papers, the acquisition was director of student life and
horrible for my problem with telling her about my
porn. Now the binging began problem. This was one of the
in earnest—four, five, and six most difficult things I’ve ever
hour marathons often deep done. I didn’t know what to
into the night, or all day expect. I suspected they
while my wife was at work. might expel or suspend me.
Days when I didn’t have That would have been fair. I
class were open to study or couldn’t have argued with
whatever else I chose, which such a decision. “Well God,
often turned out to be here I go…”
binging on porn. I just kept
looking and searching until I I walked out of the office
stunned. I wasn’t expelled. I The Saturday following my
wasn’t suspended. She didn’t initial meeting with Bob I
give me a tongue-lashing or attended a men’s
shame me. Instead, she accountability group that he
acknowledged the had started. The circle of
seriousness of the problem, confession grew as I shared
thanked me for my honesty, my story with these men. For
and told me that the school the next three and a half
would provide eight free years I was there most every
counseling sessions with a Saturday morning, meeting
local counselor. What’s this? with other Christian men who
No flogging? No public were at various stages in the
humiliation? Some of my battle against enslaving
chains fell to the floor that sexual sin. Some grew in
day. God had broken me grace while others dropped
down and brought me to the out. It wasn’t a perfect
point where I could do group, but it was certainly a
nothing but admit my sin and means of grace in my fill that
my helplessness. And, when I cherish. I still value many
I voiced what He had shown friendships that began there.
me about myself to another,
He responded with mercy But though the tide had
and grace. Wow. turned, I wasn’t out of the
woods yet. In fact, in some
A few days later I went to ways the worst was yet to
meet with the man whose come as I began to really
card and number they had face my problem. At Bob’s
given me. It felt so good to encouragement my wife and
just let it flow and tell Bob I began the serious business
the secret I’d been carrying of setting up boundaries and
for fifteen years. The power creating a haven of purity at
of secret and hidden sin was home. Just a few months
broken that day and God after starting counseling,
unleashed His grace in my though, I crossed an agreed
life. I remember feeling as if upon boundary more than
I was operating in a bubble once. It resulted in great
of grace for at least a month. stress and alienation in our
I knew that the tide had marriage and was one of the
turned in the battle for my most lonely and desolate
soul. Praise God. More links times of our married life.
of the chain were broken. I
continued to meet with Bob We worked hard to “porn
for the next year and then as proof” the house – we locked
needed thereafter. up the TV, got rid of all
women’s magazines and promises us in the
catalogs, and took the Scriptures. So, over the next
modem out of the computer. few years I went through a
This would last for a while, cycle of relapse, crisis,
but eventually I’d find a growth, then plateau in
reason to justify putting the which the duration between
modem back in. I found that relapse was growing—even
all the work to “porn proof” to four and five months—but
the house didn’t matter as the power of sin was not
long as the more radical really broken.
problem of a corrupt heart
went unaddressed. Matters When we moved from the
did improve, however, as area where Bob and the
time went on and I learned support group were a few
from Bob and the Scriptures years later, I knew it would
those habits and investments be important to link up with
that make for purity. a church, counselor, or
Sometimes it was weeks or a ministry so that I would not
few months between binges, enter into total relapse.
but the addiction still had a Unfortunately, we had moved
foothold in my heart and our to a more rural area and
home. Though I was after a couple months of
relatively free, I had the searching I began to see that
recurring thought that “there local options were not
has to be greater freedom available. As moving-related
than this available in Christ.” stress began to increase, I
ended up binging on porn
From where I stand today I three times within the same
see that part of my problem week. I couldn’t believe what
was that I’d bought in to the was happening, but it was
idea that addiction would be God’s way of showing me
something I would struggle that He still had much work
with for the rest of my life to do with me, that I hadn’t
and that I could never really “arrived” as I had so proudly
shake this core identification assumed. I found myself
as an addict. Sadly, I was desperate for deep freedom
selling the freedom of the and wanting to be done with
gospel short and this sin for good. But how?
underestimated the
transforming grace available I had catalogued in my mind
to us in Christ. I lacked the a website that I had
confidence that God could discovered at a time when
bring about the kind of my need didn’t seem so
liberation from sin that He great. I had some other
quarrels with their approach, consumed by sexual sin and
so I’d put it aside for the free from the world of
time being. However, in my fantasy and ritual that had
new situation I was occupied so much of my time
desperate for help. Also, for the previous fifteen years.
there was one thing I noticed I learned that God can and
about their approach then will do what He promises us
that I had not forgotten in in the Scriptures. I was
the interceding months— tasting true freedom from
their utter confidence in God sexual sin and no longer
to truly liberate people from lived under its yoke. I was
the bondage of enslaving sin. truly a new man.
Isn’t this what I was dying
for? Even more, isn’t this I wish I could end the story
what I believed the Bible right there with “and they
taught? After putting it off a lived happily ever after,” but I
few days, I enrolled in their cannot. After nine months of
on-line course. purity, I entered a period of
relapse. My wife and I
Guess what happened? God accepted a ministry challenge
showed up! God kept His that separated us even
Word! From the very further from our network of
beginning God used the support and brought many
Scriptures, the course challenges to our lives. I left
materials, and e-mail off the habits and disciplines
exchanges with a that I had learned through
understanding and years of counseling, reading,
encouraging mentor to work and mentoring relationships.
in my heart, to challenge, To make a long story short, I
confront, and transform me. was ignoring my soul and its
I knew early on that Shepherd, the one who had
something special was led me to a place of purity.
happening in my life, Like the nine who were
something that brought me healed by did not return to
considerable excitement and thank Jesus (Luke 17:17), I
joy. As I worked through the had been freed from my
course, God broke the last sexual enslavement only to
links of the chains that bound go on my merry way and
me. The time was right. The ignore the Giver of such a
season of change was here! great gift. Of course, in doing
God had prepared me for this so I had cut myself off from
new work and now saw it the Living Water that
through. For the next nine nourishes our souls and
months I was no longer brings life. In my pain, I
returned to “the bottle” and GOD, I need your help here!
relied on the “old friend” of I do not expect it or feel I
sexual fantasy to comfort deserve it. Look at the
and to provide the illusion of deplorable things I have said,
control. Of course this thought, done!
neither quenched my thirst
nor brought peace to my I have managed to live a
soul. Instead, it brought double life for the best part
personal anguish, marital of my miserable existence.
strain, and even greater And now for well over a
upheaval in my heart. year’s duration … doing
things I myself find
Thanks be to God, this dark impossible to believe. Do I
season of relapse also woke need to chronologue them?
me from my sleep and forced NO! You, my God, know
me to return to the feet of them all!
the One who had healed me.
It also is the reason I am I have brought the most
writing this to you today and horrible shame upon myself.
inviting you to contact me if My self-centeredness,
you need someone to listen childish narcissism, horrid
and want to know more and most unthinkable deeds:
about this healer who takes
broken people and makes The lies. The hidden. The
them whole, who does not immoral. The pride. The
leave us where we are, but shameful. The treachery.
remakes us and calls us to The plotting. The
new life. This is good news! masquerade…the fear of
discovery. The satisfaction in
Luke that for which You died!

http://help4families.com/?pa I’m on a collision course …


with no one to rescue me.
ge_id=288
There is nothing now hidden
that will not be one day
My Confessional openly revealed. My selfish
heart will be then read and
by Jimmy known by all. Oh! The
anguish of the mere thought.
(Entered in Jimmy’s Prayer There seems to be no lasting
Journal just two weeks prior remedy, no real solution. I
to his scheduled date for sex am so ashamed and afraid. I
change surgery) dare not lift my eyes to You,
for the full extent of my
traitorous deeds are without more plead for your
number; very possibly acceptance and forgiveness.
without excuse, or remedy! You are the ALMIGHTY and
entirely JUST ONE. You alone
My numbed emotions have know the intents of my
blocked out the Truth and heart. You alone can judge
the full weight of my rightly.
betrayals, my shame, my
remorse. Fear overtakes I need help – Your help! Your
me. Dread haunts my every healing. Please help me. Do
step. Fear … that I’m out of not let me drown in this
reach; certainly beyond a sorrow, or hang in Judas’
human’s ability to forgive. noose of mere remorse! Nor
Dread … that if kindly let me perish in my sin.
forgiven once more, I’d
slavishly repeat the Please help and save me.
damnable cycle. Purge my soul of this
idolatry of self. Please
Whatever faith remains … I comfort those I have
now employ with this offended and betrayed.
request; that you forgive me Please forgive me the
and restore my wounded countless ways I’ve lived
soul. independently of You. My
worship of the created,
I have harmed and deeply please forgive! And my
offended those I love the reckless abuse to Your Grace.
most, especially the most
precious woman … with Amen
whom you granted me
permission to share life, as http://help4families.com/?pa
well as my precious family.
ge_id=283
I have devastated my own
soul, very possibly my own Benjamin’s Standards of
eternal destiny. I have Care
dishonored Your Name. I
cannot go on, go back, or by Mark
stay in this masquerade; yet
feel this fatalistic tug that I’ve been researching this
requests “just one more transsexual stuff more and
dance?” when comparing it to my
own situation, I realize how
It seems a terrible, almost disturbing it is … and poorly
laughable affront to once understood; not to mention
the outright deceptions exotic high — a more
involved in duping an sensuous mental movie in
ignorant public. which to enact their wildest
fantasies.
Besides the few
hypogonadal/intersexed Due to the boredom they find
individuals who are possible in their sexual union with
candidates for corrective their wives, due mainly to
surgery, I would say the their over-sensualized, erotic
great majority fall into two stimulation and sexual climax
distinct categories…(1) those from pornography; as well as
who want SRS to escape their overall responsibilities
from being labeled a experienced as husbands,
homosexual, and (2) those their wives simply don’t fulfill
whose transsexuality springs their sexual longing any
from the same soil as more.
transvestism. After all, the
erotic desire to more So, instead of the stressors
feminize one’s appearance of marriage and parenting
and fashions isn’t far causing them to seek
removed from the erotic another partner, as is typical
desire to more completely with many non-transsexual
feminize ones body, men, they try to turn
permanently. themselves into another
partner; or become both
A joke commonly heard parties in the relationship,
among transsexuals is, “The thereby eliminating the need
transvestite is one who gets for the “real-woman.” Thus,
excited when wearing a they attempt to create a new
woman’s clothes; while the movie to watch, one in which
transsexual is one who gets they are an active
excited when wearing the participant, and one in which
woman’s body.” they now possess the
enviable position of the
I am firmly convinced that woman/wife, where they can
married transsexuals (those then play out their newly
who married as men), who proscribed gender role,
feel they need to change, are exhibiting the very qualities
suffering from a very they have desired in another
heterosexual and male-like, woman, which their wife
aggressive or testosterone- doesn’t seem to have. Many
laden phenomenon; they qualities they project, may
need more and more visual not even exist in “normal”
stimulation to attain their people.
So, instead of billing the physical anatomy properly
movie title, “adultery,” in fits; the newly revised script
which they know the next is now redirected to lead the
wife will only bring the same unsuspecting, naive, and
problems; they create an very confused public to draw
elaborate illusion, where they the distinction that things are
can just keep adjusting their not actually what they may
mind to their own little movie appear to be; a further
set, with the “actresses”, sublimation of their
roles, parts, and scripts fully heterosexual masculinity. *
in-place. Only later do all of Some grow weary of the new
these possibilities become script and attempt to change
“those same-old-reruns,” back into a man. * Still
with the supporting cast others experience less than a
being the only thing that is satisfactory adjustment as a
changed. Then, without their woman, knowing they would
original wife, they need to do have been better off dealing
some new scripting; realizing with their struggles in other
that all of the trouble wasn’t ways. * Some try substance
at all about changing sex, abuse. * Some try suicide. *
but the matter of a Some try reconciliation with
misdirected and insufficient their former wives. * All find
approach at dealing with themselves sooner or later
many developmental and very disenfranchised from
deeply seated emotional normal society…and very
problems in one’s own alone. I am convinced that
psychology … and treatment of heterosexually
heterosexuality. Many of attracted transsexuals needs
these awakened, miserable to take into account the
post-operative transsexuals following factors: A)
then begin looking for … a Hormones are very damaging
wife, saying they are really psychologically. They dull the
now fully re-scripted to fulfill masculine libido, and
their new role as a lesbian. therefore sexual conflicts are
My goodness! Things become buried and become
so complicated, don’t they? inaccessible to
And to top that off, they as psychotherapy.
often insist that their former
wife fulfill their newly B) Hormones for such
contrived “casting call” — as transsexuals are a
a lesbian. psychological death
sentence, which leads to
Alternatively, some will then SRS-the physical death
try dating men so that their sentence; or what Bob calls
“Physician Assisted Suicide.”. Men who fit a very small
subset of Benjamin’s eligible
C) Sex therapy is patients, commonly today
indispensable for these labeled, “Intersexed People,”
transsexuals. After years of can’t effectively pass as
people saying it’s not about men…they don’t need a real
sex, it’s about gender…I life test…they are
believe it is terrible to have hypogonadal, talk like girls in
ignored the erotic/sexual voice pitch, don’t need to
features of transsexuals. shave, have very little body
Clinicians who have expertise hair, reveal high feminine fat
in psychotherapy, are often, distribution, don’t develop
unfortunately, poorly properly, appear very
prepared in sex therapy. One feminine, and are typically
can go through medical mistaken for women. They
school and a psychiatric are a small endocrine
residency with no training in minority who are already
human sexuality! One can go prepared for SRS. They
through a Ph.D. in clinical usually don’t even need
psychology with only one hormones, and definitely
course in sexual don’t need facial
dysfunctions. This is just feminization.
terrible; that no one wants to
talk about transsexuals’ They don’t behave as a
sex/eroticism and that caricature of women, since
people don’t have training in they are just naturally
sex therapy specifically. feminine, and sometimes
Having said that hormone androgynous. They have a
administration is damaging distinct hormonal problem.
psychologically to The other vast majority, who
transsexuals, since it dulls are told they need a RLT,
the libido, preventing ready may spend thousands of
access to dealing with hours and even more-
conflict, I should then say thousands of dollars to pass
that the whole “theory” of the real life test; something
the “real life test” is a joke, that is nothing more than a
except it’s not funny! joke.

People study for If someone is not having a


tests…people practice for tough time passing in their
tests…people try to prepare birth sex and they have
for tests…people cheat on demonstrated measurable
tests! RLT is a sinister joke. success in living in their birth
sex, they should not be
treated as otherwise. It presently steer the so-called
should also be remembered Harry Benjamin Standards of
that transsexuals are Care for Transsexuals.
unreliable historians and are Likewise, they try to
also known to try to “excuse” influence more general
or explain their condition by regulating bodies such as the
fabricating unfounded DSM and the ICD, to have
physiological underpinnings; gender identity disorder
much of their ideas and removed. I shudder to think
theories coming from the of the unscrupulous
international population of professionals, who are
equally deluded peoples; not gaining in popularity, who
their own experiences. don’t even subscribe to these
poorly designed and
The RLT grew out of the continuously eroding
Standards of Care, which we standards of care. As for the
know have little to do with real life test, I know of
Harry Benjamin. He was a professional actors who could
kindly grandfatherly-type of easily pass the test. Well,
gentleman and medical that’s the making of another
practitioner, who tried to help movie.
those whose gender was
problematical. But the Harry Best Regards,
Benjamin Standards of Care
are not in the least in accord Mark
with Harry Benjamin’s initial
vision. http://help4families.com/?pa
ge_id=281
Harry Benjamin was not
directly involved in the
founding of even what are Written by Karl
called the original standards
of care. It was founded by God’s unconditional love to
other professionals, many us. 1. He chose us before we
with variant sexual were born.
orientations, and now an
increasing number of self- a. He choose us and not us
serving transsexuals and to Him . 16You did not
even transgendered persons. choose me, but I chose you
These self-invested and appointed you to go and
transsexuals, who proclaim bear fruit—fruit that will last.
themselves to the the Then the Father will give you
experts among the whatever you ask in my
transsexual population, name. John 15:16.
b. He saw us and rejoiced in dwelling place for God?
us before we were born. 13 Everywhere we go, every
For you created my inmost action we do or perform on
being; you knit me together this life , good or bad , He
in my mother’s womb. 16 witness everything . He
your eyes saw my unformed knows, feels and sees
body. All the days ordained everything because we carry
for me were written in your His presence in us. 23Jesus
book before one of them replied, “If anyone loves me,
came to be. Psalm he will obey my teaching. My
139:13,16. Father will love him, and we
will come to him and make
c. We were predestined to be our home with him. John
conformed to the likeness of 14:23
his Son 29For those God
foreknew he also predestined 4. Don’t believe or think we
to be conformed to the are alone. Don’t forget He
likeness of his Son, that he promise to gave us the Holy
might be the firstborn among Spirit to dwell in us, our best
many brothers. 30And those friend, counsellor and Healer.
he predestined, he also a. 26″When the Counsellor
called; those he called, he comes, whom I will send to
also justified; those he you from the Father, the
justified, he also glorified. Spirit of truth who goes out
Romans 8:29-30 from the Father, he will
testify about me. John 15:26
2. He wants to know every
aspect of our life. God wants 5. Don’t say we don’t believe
to be part of every single in HIM because He believed
aspect of our lives. 1 O in us first and had a plan for
LORD, you have searched me us. Many times we loose
and you know me. 2 You sight in God in our struggles
know when I sit and when I when we try to find a
rise; you perceive my solution by ourselves and
thoughts from afar. 3 You many times we blame God
discern my going out and my and stop believing that He
lying down; you are familiar can’t resolve our most
with all my ways. 4 Before a difficult problems. Let me tell
word is on my tongue you you . He has a plan for us
know it completely, O LORD. and He always listen to us.
Psalm 139:1-4 11 For I know the plans I
have for you,” says the
3. We are my dwelling place LORD. “They are plans for
for God. Do you know we are good and not for disaster, to
give you a future and a hope. men express of feeling they
12 In those days when you were born with the wrong
pray, I will listen. 13 If you body. I thought I was a man
look for me wholeheartedly, and thought I was perfectly
you will find me. Jeremiah happy to be a man. It is only
29:11-13 in trying to stop putting on
women’s clothing that I’ve
http://help4families.com/?pa come to realize it’s not just
about titillating myself.
ge_id=275
What I’m really wanting to
Escaping Manhood accomplish is to escape, at
least for some period of time,
by Douglas being a man. My image of
manhood is one I can’t live
I’m beginning to rethink my up to … and that leads me to
addiction some. Since each seek an escape. Yes, orgasm
cross dressing episode was my “drug of choice.” I
normally ended with was addicted to it, but I felt
masturbation, I thought that that I was also unable to
was the driving force. perform as I believe a man
Parading in women’s clothing should in bed with a real
was just another turn on for woman. As I’ve gotten older,
me; a means to an end. But I’ve had to face the fact that
giving up pornography and I wasn’t getting any better at
leering at provocative it. The draw of womanhood is
women, and averting my my desire to escape my own
eyes from seductive ads on perceived failures in being a
TV and magazines have been man, which makes my
far easier for me than giving perceptions of becoming a
up the desire to pretend I’m woman more and more
a woman. Certainly, cross attractive, verging on a
dressing was sexually religious experience, as it
stimulating for me, but that offers relief from my
may be because it began in perceived inability to be good
some earnest in my teenage enough within the world of
years when I was just men.
learning the thrill of orgasm.
I associated the two and Something to ponder.
missed the whole concept
that I was really just trying Douglas
to escape being a man. I
never had the strong feelings http://help4families.com/?pa
many other trans-gendered
ge_id=456
Care-givers and worked together towards the
Crossdressers husband’s resolution of his
life-long battle with gender
Author’s note: All names confusion. We want to
used are changed in order to provide you with sound
protect the identity of those Biblical and Psychological
involved. insight into understanding
and dealing with this
Transgender confusion and condition. If you are ready
crossdressing is becoming so for a taste of reality and
popular and widely accepted open-minded discussion,
in today’s permissive then this is the article for
“anything goes” cultural you. You can find workable
climate. There are many approaches to coming to
websites and email groups terms with these internal
now in existence which emotional conflicts and read
support the popular notion the accounts of many others
that there is nothing wrong who have done the same.
with those who engage in
these activities…and that to This site also introduces you
suggest there is comes from to the wife of a transsexual
an uninformed, bigoted, and who now shares her story in
intolerant evil, proposed by depth, as well as her many
wild right wing religious insights, with other
fanatics who are completely struggling wives.
out of touch with reality and
the twenty first century. But Eric schedules telephone
that’s just not the case. Read appointments to personally
on. speak with you and help you
understand the true
This website explores other motivations for what you or
options without getting into your loved one is doing. You
judgmentalism, or consigning will discover many written
people to hell for their sexual publications, as well as audio
and gender identity disorder. and video tapes that they
It also provides help for have produced for you to
family members, spouses, better comprehend the
clergy, counselors and reasons for such confusing
anyone interested in an notions. They also provide
honest and candid look at the weekend seminars for those
underlying reasons for such dealing with these matters.
activity and its resolution. This couple has been doing
The website is produced by a this kind of outreach for 16-
married couple who have 17 years and has
understandably become very support you in it, it would be
well informed about these foolishness for me to try to
issues. They can ultimately convince you otherwise.
put you in touch with others
like yourself who have found But I will tell you assuredly,
lasting freedom from that as a wife who once lived
transgendered behaviors and with a man who thought that
desires. way and who believed he was
a woman trapped in a man’s
God has a plan for your life body and who at one time
and it mainly consists in your went on hormones, etc. I
fulfilling your God-given want you to know that it is
destiny in your congruent an agonizing experience for a
self, not the fractured, wife. Not only have I once
damaged, and self-created lived it, but over the last 10
identity that has dominated years I have spoken with
your thinking and emotions, many wives (and continue to
resulting in so much conflict each week) who are in the
and pain. Become a part of midst of it right now. Their
God’s intention and learn to husbands want them to
live in your God-given accept it. Their husbands
identity with incredible peace want to wear the negligees to
and purpose. It takes bed with their wives. They
courage to change, but you want their wives to, in
too can do it. essence, turn into lesbians.
And these women are
This was a response Betty heterosexual, but their
gave to a man who fervently husbands try to force this on
opposed the work we do to them. Their husbands want
help a person come to terms to dress that way in front of
with the reasons & their children, so they would
resolutions for their have two mommas instead of
transgender desires: a momma and a daddy.

Dear K, These men are totally self-


absorbed. They do not
Your thoughts brought back consider the damage this is
lost of memories. I lived with doing to their children or
a man for over 20 years who their wives.
thought very much like that
much of the time. And I I now live with a man (the
understand that when that is same man I spoke of earlier)
your mindset and you who is now at home in his
“fellowship: with others who masculinity, who treats me
with respect and dignity. Who Betty
is a caring and
compassionate man, a The Vision of the Marriage
wonderful husband and a Car
great grandfather to his 9
grandchildren …. because I We come to God’s Altar and
have seen first hand the we make our marriage vows.
changes that occurred in him I said, “I choose you,
over the years as he _________ to be my beloved
untangled and dealt with the husband. You said, “I choose
root causes for his gender- you, _________, to be my
identity confusion, as he read beloved wife. Together we
books, sought counsel, said. “From this day forward,
received inner healing prayer, to become one with you and
etc. etc and did the hard to share all that is to come,
work of recovery…. because I and I promise to love you, to
know for a truth that there is care for you, and to be
hope for men who are in the faithful to you until death
same boat he once was in parts us.” We get into the car,
….because I know that there the Marriage Car. You are in
is hope for these men and the driver seat and I am on
their wives and children and the passenger side. Later
grandchildren, I want to there are children are in the
shout it form the housetops… backseat.
“There’s FREEDOM! Real,
lasting Freedom from the We are on a mountainous
agonizing, self-destructive, road with many curves. The
self-defeating life that comes road is called the Path to
with transsexualism and the Righteousness. You start to
damaging effects it has on drive the car close to the
families.” edge of a cliff. Then you
break through the guardrail
I know you do not that is God’s boundary line
understand what it is like to for me. You say, “I am
be the wife of a transsexual. Woman and I want you to
But I do. And my passion is still be my wife.” As I listen
to touch the lives of wives, to God I hear Him say to me,
as Bob touches the lives of “Woman marries Man.
men, and come alongside Woman should not marry
them, and walk with them Woman.” To marry a woman
into the freedom we have violates my sense of right
found. and wrong.

Blessings! Now we are driving on the


narrow shoulder outside the frightening, painful 18 years
guardrail with my side of the is that when you broke the
car hanging over the cliff guardrail and violated my
edge. The ride is becoming trust, I had every right to get
more emotionally violent as out of the Car and go back to
you fight to maintain control stand on the road called Path
of the Marriage Car while of Righteousness. In the
driving outside the guardrail. language of our culture, the
I see the dangerous place contract was made under
that we are in – outside fraudulent terms, in deceit.
God’s boundaries. I become You said you were Husband
more and more afraid of the as we made our vows. After
crash that will send us a time you said you were
plummeting over the cliff Woman. Therefore the
edge on the rocks below. I covenant was broken. I am
scream at you,” Get back to released from it. I can finally
the road where we will be claim the TRUTH. “The truth
safe. “ I grab the steering will set you free.” I do not
wheel and try to steer us want to be married to a
back to the road. I shout at woman, because as I listen
you, “You are going to wreck to God I hear Him say “That
the Marriage Car and I will is wrong for you.” To be
die!” married to a woman violates
my sense of right and wrong.
We struggle for the control of
the Marriage Car and there is I have had a deep sadness,
anger, hatred, and bitterness then anger, then hatred, then
building between us. I know bitterness. I heard other
it is not a good ideal for me Christian voices say to me,
to put my hand on the “You should do everything
steering wheel trying to take possible to keep your
away your position as the marriage together. You need
leader and guide of the to obey your husband. “ Yet
Marriage Car, but I do it out my heart was saying, “To
of panic. I push you and put obey this person violates me.
my hands from the wheel. I When we have sex I feel
tell you “I’m scared!!!!” You deep despair. My inner voice
say, “Nonsense. The edge is says, “Women should not
rough but we will make it have sex with women.”
OK.” You deny the inevitable
crash. So now I am taking my hand
off the steering wheel of the
The piece of truth that I was marriage car. I am saying,
missing is that in this “STOP the Car, I’m getting
out of the Car because I hands. He will provide safe
don’t want to go over the cliff pastures and still waters to
with you.” To honor God and restore us.
to honor myself I need to
listen to the inner voice: What about you? What will
“Woman does not live happen to you when you
married to a Woman.” You drive the car off the cliff and
may have control of the crash on the rocks below?
Marriage Car. That is your The truth is I don’t know and
position as the Driver. If you you don’t know. Only God
want to crash the Marriage it knows. The Car will certainly
is your choice. be destroyed, but you may
walk away miraculously
What about the children in unscathed and find your own
the back seat of the car? I path. Or you may be
see that they are battered wounded, then crawl back
and bruised by the violent out of the deep ravine to join
ride. I see that our son has us on the road. We will crash.
an angry wound and he may Only God knows. This week
die. They need to be out of He has been telling me,
the Car also and stand on the “Step out of the way.
road marked “Path of _________ is my child and I
Righteousness.” We will walk will deal with him.”
down the road together.
There will be others who pass I say, “Lord, here is my
us in their Marriage Cars. marriage. The Lord gives and
They will say, “That woman the Lord taketh away.
should have stayed in her Blessed be the name of the
Car. Doesn’t she know that Lord. He leads me in Paths of
the road is easier for children Righteousness for His
in the Marriage Car?” namesake. Lord, here is
_______. He is your child. It
It is true the best way for was wrong of me to try to
children to make a smooth push him, to protect him. He
passage on the Path is in a is in control of his body, his
Marriage Car. For years I mind and his spirit. You may
have stayed for their sake. have him.”
Now I see that they need the
Path more. So we will walk OUR CHRISTIAN
down the road. It will be CONFESSION
harder than riding in the Car.
We will get sore feet and “We have not been genuine
fatigue. But God will walk in our relationships. We have
with us. He will hold our hidden the dark side of our
hearts and neglected to let There is such dishonesty
one another know of our among us and a refusal to
secrets and pain. We have deal with things as they truly
lived a very bland form of are. Many who have tried to
Christianity, holding to a find love and answers to their
form of godliness but heart’s longings, have
denying the power of God to instead been groomed and
change us. accosted by leaders in illicit
sexual encounters, and
Afraid to honestly expose our innumerable emotional and
own sins we have shoved spiritual abuses.
away God’s offer to help and
restore our wounded hearts. We have been more
What we have allowed people concerned about how we’ve
to see is our false veneer or looked than in how we’ve
that which appears like what loved. Our unspoken
Christians are supposed to agreement has been, “I will
look like. Our hypocrisy has not talk about my sin if you
robbed us of many vital don’t mention yours.”
relationships and the healing
God has provided through We have “kept family
His Body, the Church. secrets” and enforced the “no
talk rule” and “don’t feel
Our insecurity has driven us rule” of our composite
to appear successful and dysfunctional families. We’ve
spiritually alive. We have said in effect that sex sins
built temples to worship our are more shameful than
own achievements and other sins, and that sexual
united collective activity of perversions are the worst
doing something for God. We sins of all. We’ve fed the very
have not made it our practice dynamics of shame that have
to become fully engaged with kept all of us bound,
messy people who are trying impotent, and ineffective to
to break self-destructive set captives free.
patterns, which will take a
lifetime to heal. In our Though our Heavenly Father
insecurity and fear we have is always seeking people in
been afraid to associate with His great, compassionate
those who are too ashamed love, we have for the most
to mention their private part rejected those who
struggles and sins, taking would make us
away any prospect of hope uncomfortable. We have not
from desperate people. provided a safe place of
refuge for those coming out
of crippling emotional Preparing for Spiritual
conditions, either within our Conflict
church or in our hearts.
Education and Preparation
When you have wanted and
needed a safe, loving family Securing Professional
in which you could be Colleagues
nurtured into health, we have
not been there for you. Applying Abundant Grace and
Perhaps you’ve given up Truth
hope that there is such a
place. What About Relatives and
Spouse Support?
Would you please forgive us,
Mighty God, for our Summary
complacency, hypocrisy and
self-protective love? Would DEFINITIONS OF TERMS
you, dear friend, please
come home to the embrace “TRANSVESTIM” (ACROSS
of our Father as reflected in GENDER-SPECIFIC
our care for you and our CLOTHING LINES)
mutual desire to be “Jesus
with skin on” to you? You’re A condition in which sexual
part of us, it’s your arousal and orgasmic
birthright, and we need you. pleasure is obtained by
dressing in the clothes of the
(Adapted from Rev. Ed opposite sex. It can occur in
Flook’s statement of both homosexuality and
repentance, Vineyard heterosexuality. It is
Christian Fellowship, characterized by a
Kalamazoo, Michigan). momentary desire to dress
and be accepted as a
TABLE OF CONTENTS member of the opposite
gender in order to escape
Introduction reality and relieve emotional
tensions. It is usually done
Definition of Terms within the privacy of one’s
own home and typically
How Can Care-givers Give remains a most private and
Care? well-hidden fantasy life.

Basic Childhood Development “TRANSGENDER” (ACROSS


GENDER LINES)
Providing a Safe Place
A condition in which one feels Identity, on the other hand,
inwardly incongruent in is environmentally or
his/her God-given gender physiologically determined;
role or sexual identity. the product of how one views
Eventual attempts are made the self, whether one
in most cases to finally associates oneself,
“correct the anatomical subjectively with one sex or
mistake” through increasing the other; whether one feels
episodes of crossdressing, feminine or masculine, a girl
hormonal therapy, and Sex or a boy, a woman or a man.
Reassignment Surgery
(SRS). The ratio is about 8 Put another way, a male is
males to 1 female suffer from always a male, and a female
this gender identity is always a female; but a
confusion. man can take on the
appearance (identity) of a
“HOMOSEXUAITY” (SAME woman, or a woman a man.
SEX ATTRACTION) And this process of
identifying oneself with one
A condition in which one is sex or the other is typically
attracted to his/her own completed in the first three
gender in erotic sexual and years of life.” (An article by
emotional involvement. Brad Sargent, Understanding
There is a disinterest in Transgender Confusion.
emotional or sexual
engagement with members HOW CAN CARE-GIVERS
of the opposite sex. Members HELP CROSS-DRESSERS?
of the same sex hold the
keys to one’s feeling A Minister asks:
genuinely loved because of
deficits in same-sex love “I am wondering what I can
needs. do to help Stan, a good
friend of mine, who is now
“GENDER IDENTITY” (VIEW coming our women’s Sunday
OF ONE’S OWN REAL SELF) School class presenting
himself as a woman?
“Gender refers to genetic
sex, male or female, which is Another pastor wrote:
irreversibly fixed at the
moment of conception by the “Last week one of the women
pairing of the 23rd, or sex- on my staff informed me that
determining chromosomes she would be leaving the
(XX or XY). Hence gender is church because her
biologically determined. husband’s going to have sex
reassignment surgery. She is dresses and has done so
taking their two children and since high school. I am a
moving to her parent’s home pastor of a rural church and
in another state to get away he was recognized by one of
from her husband’s influence. the women of my church in
He says he will want equal the ladies shop in a town
custody of their boys, nearby. She is threatening to
intending to tell them they expose him before the whole
now have another mother.” congregation. I don’t know
what to do.”
Yet another frustrated
minister asked: I do not know many pastor
or clinical caregivers who
“What can I do: My associate would profess they know how
minister has just confessed to handle these kinds of
that he is chronically involved problems. Seminary and
in cross-dressing and university training does not
parading himself in public adequately prepare students
that way. What can I do to receptively minister truth
besides dismiss him?” and grace to people
exhibiting gender identity
A distraught pastor on the confusion.
phone inquired,
A pastor or caregiver is one
“Last week a nice young who has the tremendous task
couple came in for premarital of helping hurting people to
counseling. They have been find peace with themselves
attending our church for and God and to live a
several months. Jack tells me purposeful life. The difficulty
that he is really a she and today is that that exhibition
that she is really a he – that these kinds of emotional
they both have switched their problems are not truly being
sexual roles to fit themselves legitimization of this pain—
better. They both claim that instead referring to it as an
they were supposed to have acceptable lifestyle. Their
been created the other sex. solution? “Why, of course,
They want me marry them. the patient should follow
Good grief! What do I do?” certain proscribed guidelines
of their psychiatrist and
An elderly pastor shared his physician for a period of time
painful discovery: and then submit to the
surgeon’s scalpel to correct
“One of my Deacons now the anatomical mistake.”
confesses he regularly cross-
One male-to-female on the popular politically
transsexual exposes the truth motivated scheme of thought
in a letter, saying: … and greed. Report after
report shows the majority of
“Don’t be surprised if your those presenting themselves
case-load continues to for SRS have proven co-
increase. The long-held existing psycho-pathology.
traditional screening methods There are also many reports
for candidates for sex beginning to surface that
reassignment surgery (SRS) express the post-operative
continues to deteriorate as patient’s regrets for having
so-called transgendered the surgery. Years of
persons take over the mental research demonstrates that
health organizations and although biology may play
promotional literature. Even some role in gender identity,
the main screening methods it does not necessarily
of the Dr. Harry Benjamin’s fatalistically determine one’s
International Gender identity nor restrict one’s
Dysphasia Association are options.
now made up of more
transgendered individuals But there are options.
than ever, and the
transgendered population In light of recent confessions
now writes the majority of of various well known people
the literature. Mainstream who have had SRS, there
psychology and psychiatry seems to be growing
have been lead to believe evidence to undermine the
that psychotherapy and legitimacy of trying to make
pharmacology have nothing girls out of boys or vice-
to offer, since they have versa.
bought into the view that this
condition is an inherited “They exchanged the truth of
anomaly fixed only with God for a lie.” (Rom 1:25)
surgical intervention and
hormonal therapy. Listen to the recent
admissions of Dr. Renee
Now those involved in Richards, a world renown
determining the patient’s male to female
outcome are ophthalmologist, who had
endocrinologists, urologists, sex-reassignment surgery in
and surgeons, all who readily 1975:
‘sign, seal and deliver’ a
treatment based not upon “I wish that there could have
fact or common sense, but been an alternative way, but
there wasn’t in 1975. If there anyone else. Surgery would
was a drug that I could have only be considered a viable
taken that would have option in the most extreme
reduced the pressure, I case of the genuinely
would have been better off medically proven and verified
staying the way I was- as a hermaphrodite, whose
totally intact person. I know chromosomes and DNA
down deep that I’m a second would unwaveringly attest to
class woman. I get a lot of the presence of a genetically-
inquiries from would-be induced physiological
transsexuals, but I don’t disorder and anatomical
want anyone to hold me out mishap. Let me state here
as an example to follow. that such cases are
Today there are better extremely rare and would be
choices, including authoritatively validated by
medication, for dealing with clear medical documentation
the compulsion to cross- most usually dating from
dress and the depression early infancy.
that comes with gender
confusion. As far as being The medical community faces
fulfilled as a woman, I’m not an incredibly difficult
as fulfilled as I dreamed of dilemma. Patients are
being. I get a lot of letters diagnosing themselves as
from people who are true transsexuals and
considering having this entering the physician’s office
operation … and I discourage demanding surgery in order
all of them. You’d better get to change their
on Thorazine or Zoloft or sexual/gender status. They
Prozac or get lock up or do say, “Sure, I know that I
whatever it takes to keep you have the anatomy of and
from being allowed to do look like a man, but I’ve
something like this.” always felt like a female and
I’m sure that I have a female
There is so much anguish brain. And by the way,
and emotional pain involved Doctor, I’d like 38C breast
in transgender confusion. implants, if that’s all right
The medical community is with you. You can help me
wrong in selling the public fulfill my lifelong dream.”
the lie that reassignment
surgery is warranted. The The Doctor’s response? “Well,
Christian community who my darling, step right this
validates transgender way into Surgical Suite A.”
confusion is also off track,
perhaps even more than Can you think of any other
medical condition in which compels the insanity to not
the patient makes his or her only continue, but to
own diagnosis and then increase.
explains the recommended
treatment plan to the At its core the real issue is
physician? Why has the that described so long ago:
medical community so “All we like sheep have gone
completely acquiesced in astray; we have turned
accepting Sex Reassignment everyone to his own way.” (Is
Surgery (SRS) as the only 53:6) Though Scripture
truly effective treatment for doesn’t directly address
the transgendered person? transsexualism, except in
Could it possibly be that they Deut 22:5 (where wearing
are operating (mutilating) as clothes of the opposite
a result of their perception gender is considered an
that if they cannot “cure it,” abomination) and I Cor 6:9
then any other attempt to (where male effeminacy and
bring remedy is hopeless? prostitution is considered
Are they becoming co- enough to banish a person
Creators? “One gender from God’s Kingdom), there
surgeon actually said, “Since is abundant reference to
God has failed to do the right refraining from sexual
thing, let me give it a whirl!” immorality and living a life
dictated by the appetites of
Is it true compassion to the flesh. For example, Mark
further assist someone in his 7:20 clearly speaks to those
or her abject denial of very things that make a man
reality? Is it sensible to unclean: evil thoughts,
thrust this emotionally sexual immorality, theft,
dissociated (now disfigured) murder, adultery, greed,
patient back into his nuclear malice, deceit, lewdness,
family and expect the envy, slander, arrogance and
relatives to continue on as folly, many of which are
nothing of consequence has found sooner or later in the
happened? I think not! It is experience of the average
our task to unmask the transsexual. I dare you to
charade and bring some just take a casual look into
common sense into the the Transsexual Internet
matter…and Christ’s remedy. Websites to see how each of
But we must do it from a those defilements is
place of humility and manifested. Quite and eye-
servanthood, not arrogance, opener!
or unmindful of its
devastating grip, which BASIC CHILDHOOD
DEVELOPMENT or unfeminine are common
among such adults. He
Basic understandings of proposes that unmasculinity,
childhood development for example, is not
inform us that a person’s necessarily femininity, but a
gender identity is primarily lack of confidence in a
determined by a youngster’s boy’s/man’s own ability to
confidence and comfort with fulfill the masculine role.”3
the gender with which he
most associates and Transsexuality is not a
identifies. The staggering genetically predisposed
truth is that a child’s gender condition. It is “acquired
identity is fairly well through interactions,
established by the age of perceptions, and responses.
four years; before enrolling A secure masculine or
in kindergarten. feminine identity usually
develops through bonding
If that is so, and it is, then with an older figure of the
you can imagine that the same sex, usually the father
pain is excruciating for the or mother, and emulating
boy or girl whose gender that older figure. When the
identity is confused or father/mother figure is
fractured. Their interior willing to bond with the child
sense of being is sent into a of the same sex, this invites
constant tailspin. It’s a the child to emulate and
foundational crack that is identify with the parent. The
only discovered after the life child will be inclined toward
begins to crumble. this process, desiring it
intensely, but avoiding it if he
As Joe Dallas states, “Since feels unwelcome or
our society places a high unaccepted by the parent.
premium on gender roles, Should that avoidance occur,
your ability or inability to it could be the beginning of
fulfill them seriously affects gender identity problems.”4
your general well-being.
Gender Identity Disorder is a “Problems of gender identity
clinical term describing a then begin with the child’s
serious conflict between a belief that he is unacceptable
person’s assigned gender to the parent of his own sex,
(male or female) and his and therefore unacceptable
desired gender.”2 to all members of his sex.
This robs him of confidence
Dr. Friedman points out that to fulfill his gender role,
feelings of being unmasculine having felt no invitation to
emulate and identify with his Dalbey’s, Healing the
father or her mother, leading Masculine Soul, are many
to acute feelings of when it comes to pinpointing
unmasculinity or a man’s difficulty in
unfemininity. These feelings effectively separation himself
are confirmed during later from Mother. His
development. So if a boy relationships with women
feels ill-equipped to deal with becomes distorted, and
the other boys through obsessive, with fantasies
traditional masculine abounding about how to
activities, which disrupts his maintain the connection with
ability to bond with other Mother through crossdressing
boys, which reinforces his as well as other compulsions.
belief that he is
unmasculine.”5 Dalbey shares how he laid his
hands upon a man’s
The vast majority of over shoulders and “invited him to
1,700 male-to-female renounce the bonds of false
transsexuals with whom I’ve dependency…and asked the
worked claim that their Lord Jesus to heal his
relationship to Mom insecurity from its roots in
remained unusually close in his mother’s womb.”6 Leanne
their childhood and continued Payne cuts to the core in her
to be so on into adulthood. book, The Broken Image,
In fact, most classify citing that “A mother, overly
themselves as “Mommy’s protective and peculiarly or
boys,” though perhaps injuriously intimate with a
married and fathers. Much of son – unless a strong and
the reason for that ongoing affirming father figure is
closeness is because of the close at hand- can render a
emotional connection and son unable to separate his
lack of normal individuation sexual identity from hers,
between the mother and son. and she thereby becomes
The profound biological part of any propensity
dependence upon Mother towards his homosexual
later becomes an abnormal (transsexual behavior) that
emotional dependence upon might crop up in him” …
her constancy, nurturing care which creates “what I have
and protection, and comfort, come to understand and call
symbolized by that which a severe suppression of
best represents her; female masculinity.”7
clothing.
The purpose of this resource
The insights found in Gordon you are now reading is not to
make you into some kind of destroy the works of the
“instant expert” on the devil.” (I John 3:8)
subject. I would assume that
you are interested in gaining There are various steps
basic insights on how to involved to effectively move
proceed form this point, in your person towards a safe
the hopes of not missing the people and a safe place in
mark for you, the church, the which the work of lasting
private practice, or more restoration can be done.
importantly the transgender Deep secrets of the heart will
person and their family be revealed. Confidentiality is
members. a must!

As a Caregiver you desire 1. PROVIDING A SAFE PLACE


healing for the festering
emotional wounds of the Your part is to assist your
transgender person and his person in coming out of the
family members. Your heart’s cloakroom secrecy and into
cry is to find Christ-honoring the light. The main thing that
resolution for the anguish of the transgendered person is
everyone involved. As a attempting to do by his
Care-giver, you already have behavior is to heal himself
some of the most well- and keep his shame-filled
prepared professionals who activities a secret. Provide a
already have the basic tools safe healing place and people
necessary to treat the where confidentiality and
emotional disorders anonymity is treated as a
characteristic in the psycho- sacred tryst. That is not an
pathology of transsexuality. easy tack in most situations,
Some of the most obvious especially within the
medically-related conditions established church.
are Obsessive Compulsive Christians do not typically
Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder, have a sense of safety in
Borderline Personality and their own congregation so far
Dissociative Disorders. as sharing their struggles
Transsexuals are dying from and sins. The provision of
a condition they want you to such a safe harbor is going to
think as “terminal be determined by the
uniqueness,” but they are not pastoral staff’s emphasis and
beyond the changeability of effectiveness in incorporating
God’s great power. counselors, mentors and
support group settings.
“The reason the Son of God
ahs been revealed was to Muster the troops! Gather
about your person a small Providing a safe place and
group of truly caring people safe people in order to
of both genders who will restore someone trapped in
genuinely love this individual this particular personality
to health. Just remember the disorder and sinful behavior
old saying that it’s not really is not easily done. The old
how much you know about adage, “We Christians are
transgender confusion that the only soldiers in the world
matters, it is how much who shoot our wounded” is
loving attention and careful too often true. Ask the
listening you are prepared to “fallen” church leaders of the
give over the long haul that past decade to recite their
makes or breaks the process. horror stories of being hated,
As Dr. Jennifer Schneider disowned, and maligned by
states, “Recovery is best the very ones who swore
accomplished through a their undying allegiance to
combination of counseling them just days before their
and attendance at peer disclosure. The Church has a
group support meetings.”8 low tolerance for visible
struggles and failures. We
Always keep in mind that this have quite a task ahead
is indeed a process, which when it comes to providing a
will demand much time, place of safe refuge for our
patience, prayer, and effort. struggling fallen comrades,
There just are not any quick especially within the
fixes to deep-seated sexual traditional church environs.
and gender identity But it is time for the church
disorders. Don’t be duped by to live up to its name and
the many so-called “latest truly become a “sanctuary.”
medical studies” that support
the continuance of the I remember so well my
emotional malady. Every so- conclusions after having
called scientific study fails to attended my first 12-Step
prove anything other than a Recovery Group. I thought, “I
theory treated like a fact. feel as though I’ve been to
Darwin’s Theories of church for the first time.”
Evolution are now believed Raw honesty and redemptive
by the vast majority as love does both uncover and
factual, are they not? That is cover the worst of sins.
exactly what is taking place
with so-called scientific “Two are better than one
inquiry today regarding because they have a good
transgender behaviors: return for their labor. For if
theories. either of them falls, the one
will lift up his companion. But Unsafe intends to keep things
woe to the one who falls hidden so no one is
when there is not another to embarrassed.
lift him up.” (Eccl. 4:9-10)
6. Safe operates out of the
Laurie Hall, the author of An authority they have been
Affair of the Mind and The given and leaves the results
Cleavers Don’t Live Here to God; knows their
Anymore, shares some of the limitations and refers out to
attitudes and practices that others when needed.
determine if a church is safe
or not. They are the 7. Safe recognizes the
following: 9 authority that comes from
brokenness; respects one’s
SAFE or UNSAFE: First let’s own inner wisdom;
take a look at the “safe- willingness to learn from all
healing environment.” involved.

1. Safe sees this as a 8. Safe uses God’s name to


manifestation of God’s glory bring healing and mend the
about to happen. wounded heart.

2. Safe understands the 9. Safe works to restore


difference between guilt and families.
shame and focuses on guilt
and speaks the truth but 10. Safe demonstrates
doesn’t condemn or label the humility, grace, in place of
person; while unsafe authority.
depends upon denial.
UNSAFE
3. Safe offers hope by
focusing on solutions to 1. Sees the failures and
immediate needs; gives limitations; uses labels;
support in tangible ways points out the one part of
your life where you failed and
4. Safe asks what will give makes that identify who you
life – willing to reevaluate are.
and look at long-held beliefs
that may need modification 2. Focuses on shame and
or adjustment. looks for someone to blame.

5. Safe honors truth – 3. Creates frustration by


provides a safe place for focusing on the problem:
people to walk in the light. accentuates the guilt and sin.
4. Focuses upon good and phenomenon. It has been
evil – emphasizes religious around as long as men and
rules the spirit world. The Old
Testament references to the
5. Encourages people to be female goddess of fertility,
dishonest in order to remain Ashteroth, is none other than
a “club member”. More what we are facing today
interested in controlling manifested in transgender
behavior than restoring the confusion. Barry Wilding, in
soul. his revealing report entitled
“Feminist Christians
6. Feels threatened when you Resurrect Pagan Goddess
don’t respond as they think Worship,” exposes the
you should; get ego needs agenda of the emerging
met by “healing you” and leadership of the feminist
good at retraumatizing you. and transgender movement,
which is funded by donations
7. Thinks that only those who and support of many
are credentialed through an prominent churches in the
accredited course of study USA.
have something of value to
say; no respect for people; This 1993 Conference
micro manage; know it all. brazenly expressed their
origins and mission.
8. Uses God name to kick “Conference organizers
you out and justify violence heralded the gathering of
against you. 2,200 (feminists and
transsexuals) as the
9. Not above dividing families beginning of the Second
to prove their point. Reformation; one designed to
rid the church of all sexual,
10. Motivated by pride; racial, and class
unable to see their own distinctions.”10
weaknesses and needs; “lord
it over’ you. They applauded the work of
2,500 feminists of like mind
2. PREPARE FOR SPIRITUAL who pledged to “work as
CONFLICT guerillas toward a religious
coup d’etat that would
Understand this: “There is replace God the Father with
nothing new under the sun.” the goddess within.”11
(Eccl 1:9)
Donna Steichen pointed out
Transsexuality is not a new that “ the ultimate feminist
objective is the obliteration “Conceived as the highest
of Christianity … an form of feminine wisdom,
arrangement which has Sophia is an abstract symbol
legitimated religious bigotry, in which female power, once
racism, classism, actualized (a New Age Term)
imperialism, clericalism and in social and religious
all other isms you can think structures, is transformed
of.”12 into a purely spiritual
dimension. She is the active
Wildering further elaborated thought of God who created
upon the mantra of the the world …”15
women’s movement stating
that “ their catalogue of Starhawk, the officiating
cardinal virtues begins with leader for the Re-Imagining
pride, embraces divorce and Conference is quoted to have
emphasizes such forms of said, “From the earliest
sexual expression as times, women have been the
abortion, lesbianism, ‘wise-ones’ … and our
transsexuality, and woman-centered culture,
contraception. Its liturgy is based upon the worship of
that of the ancient Gnostics the Great Goddess, underlies
beholding their feminine the beginnings of all
image in the mirror and civilization. Alas, the Goddess
worshiping themselves, has stirred from sleep, and
drawing upon women are awakening to our
lesbian/transsexual sexual ancient power.”16
desire as the main energy of
the universe.”13 I share these things to advise
you that when you are
“More disturbing was the dealing with transsexuality,
heresy expounded by the you are engaging in spiritual
conference speakers wherein conflict against principalities
they categorically denounced and powers, which demands
and rejected the concept of ample spiritual oversight and
the author of creation being prayer backing.
a Father figure, and Jesus
Christ being the Son of God, 3. EDUCATION &
mainly because they both are PREPARATION
masculine. Instead they
worshiped Sophia as the You, or your representative,
feminine spirit of God form will need to spend
whom we have all considerable time with the
evolved.”14 person. To best help
accommodate the process;
be certain to have the person Means
commit to meet for an
indefinite period for regularly False Intimacy by Harry
scheduled updates, input and Schaumburg
prayer ministry. You should
plan on setting time into your Inside Out by Larry Crab
schedule for at least one
year’s duration, preferably Pure Desires by Ted Roberts
once every week for this kind
of one-on-one ministry and Out of the Shadows by
oversight. Patrick Carnes

You would do well to hand Don’t Call it Love by Patrick


the day-by-day Carnes
care/oversight to others of
your flock, or enlist the aid of Letting Go of Shame, by
a small support group setting Efron
for daily accountability and
input. There are a number of A very helpful way for you to
helps that will assist you to become better acquainted
acquaint yourself with the with the material in these
basics of the condition. Some resources is for you to assign
we typically recommend are: them to your parishioner,
asking for them to recite
RESOURCES RECOMMENDED back to you in both oral and
written presentations the
Desires in Conflict by Joe specific points that they
Dallas found insightful and helpful.
These resources, then, can
Setting Love in Order by act as an ongoing guide for
Mario Bergner your future discussions and
prayers.
The Broken Image by Leanne
Payne It is also most beneficial for
you to invite specialized
Crisis in Masculinity by guest speakers to conduct
Leanne Payne training and equipping
seminars for you, your
Healing by Francis MacNutt leadership team, and the
congregation. Reality
Healing the Masculine Soul Resources offers that kind of
by Gordon Dalbey expertise. We also help
locate people close to you
Men’s Secret Wars by Patrick who may be able to help in
this regard through weekend 2. This is what went wrong
seminars or educational with my day. (Details and
consultation services. reasons)

4. SECURING PROFESSIONAL 3. This is what went right


COLLEAGUES with my day. (Details and
reasons)
It is so important for you to
work in conjunction with a 4. This is what I could have
Christian therapist. This done differently. (Specific
relieves you of the burden of details)
trying to understand all of
the in depth psychological 5. This is my written prayer
and social reasons for the about my day. (Handwritten
condition and being the “final and orally prayed)
word” for the person’s
progress. We always This documentation can also
recommend that the then be shared with the
professional therapist obtain professional therapist to help
a signed release form from him/her better understand
the client so that there is the spiritual components in
nothing hidden from either of the person’s restoration.
you in this process. You and
the therapist working 6. APPLYING ABUNDANT
together can then provide a GRACE AND TRUTH
comprehensive care plan for
the person. In our opinion, it The single most important
is best for the therapist and thing you can do is to get
the pastor to always work your person daily immersed
hand in hand in the in the loving acceptance of
restorative process. others who are grace-filled
and able to tell the truth in
Many pastoral insights can love. The church is supposed
come by having your person to be a place of fellowship
share his daily journal record and intimate involvement.
when you meet together. We Perhaps this person is a part
recommend that you have of your church fellowship for
the person follow a five-point the purpose of teaching your
plan in the daily discipline of congregants how to truly
journaling: love. It is not by accident,
nor is it a responsibility too
1. This was what my day was heavy to bear.
like. (Include all struggles,
temptations, etc.) Casting off the desires of the
fallen nature requires daily Lies must be identified and
discipline and stringent (not dispelled with the truth! It is
legalistic) accountability, the infusion of lies about
ongoing prayerful God, others and oneself that
intercessions, and personal produces the neurosis. It is
contact through family helpful to uncover through
involvement. This multi- casual and reflective
faceted healing process conversations and prayer
requires the gifting of the times the many lies the
entire fellowship, not just the person has come to accept as
pastor or therapist. truth. Some of those lies
sound like this:
The church is not intended to
be a place for those who LIES:
have no problems. Every
church member has their “I should have been born a
own unique problem areas. girl.”
The person in your fellowship
who struggles with gender “Life would have been better
identity confusion is just for me if I were a female.”
manifesting another way the
human flesh exhibits its “Women have it easier.”
fallen-ness. Helping that
individual to understand that “My parents would have
he is not a freak, but just preferred a girls.”
another wounded sinner
saved by grace is the main “My Dad always wanted a
task at hand. girl.”

Labels have to come off! Do “Living as a man is too


not allow the diagnostic tool boring.”
of the physician’s defining
label to become the person’s “God made a mistake and
identity. Don’t have people has given me permission to
define themselves by what be a woman.”
they have done. They are so
much more and complex “No one understands how I
than any identifying label. Do could be a woman on the
not ever refer to your person inside of a man’s body.”
as a transsexual. Rather say,
“You are fighting off desires “I have a woman’s brain and
of the flesh which is a man’s head.”
something all of us have to
do.” “Correctible surgery will
make me happy.” uniqueness. So the main
ministry involved is helping
“Men are dirty and evil and the person put to death the
only good for one thing.” deeds of the flesh, to run
from sexual sin and
“God loves me to fulfill my confusion, and to cling to
fantasies in crossdressing.” TRUTH in the midst of
temptation.
“If I were a woman I would
not have been passed over The Bible states the problem:
for the promotion.” “My people have committed
two sins: They have forsaken
“Women accept me more Me, the spring of living water,
when I’m dressed as a and have dug their own
woman.” cisterns, broken cisterns that
cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah
“I can never succeed as a 2:13)
male.”
One common error we have
“My family will never accept discovered with pastors and
me as a man.” caregivers who are trying to
minister to the transgender
“I will never measure up to person is this: focusing upon
what a man is supposed to the cross-dressing or
be like. tentative plans for sex
change surgery as the major
“I can never be able to issue. Theses are not the
survive if I don’t Cross- main issues to spend time
dress.” on. It’s all a matter of basic
Christian discipleship: “Who
“Cross-dressing is showing will the person allow to rule
who I really am – a woman.” their heart, Jesus Christ or
self?”
What all of these reasonings
demonstrate is the ongoing Utilize your well-practiced
conflict common to all skills in uncovering the: “root
Christians of accepting God’s system” of the condition.
way or demanding one’s Understand clearly that this
own. Every Christian believes person has formed a
his struggle is the worst. pathological relationship with
That’s why there are so many a mood-altering self-
hidden sins within the Body manufactured
of Christ. We are all intoxicant/drug and behavior.
potentially dying of terminal The crux of the problem is
substituting an emotionally can see the wonder of our
dependent relationship with ability to enjoy relationship
Mother and that which alongside the tragedy of our
represents her (her clothing) determination to arrange for
in the place of healthy our own protection from
relationships with other hurt.” All of this will take
people, and himself. The much time and prayer to
person has formed an resolve. Start dealing with
emotional dependency upon these matters:
a behavior (crossdressing),
which as Nancy Groom · Seek to discover the
states, “At the heart…is an reasons he feels so
arrogant and fear-based uncomfortable in his own
refusal to rely solely upon gender role?
God, an unwillingness to rest
in His Grace, to be satisfied · Why has there been such
with His provision and to set real or perceived rejection of
our hearts on obedience.” his own gender?

Do not spout the simplistic · Why does he feel so inferior


conclusion that repentance as a man?
and another trip to the front
altar of the church is all · What’s behind all the rage
that’s needed. The person’s and anger?
heart is desperately looking
for a solution to his deep- · Why is he so bitter and
seated emotional pains by obsessed upon idealizing the
crossdressing. The flesh will other gender?
always have a prompt reply,
although never working is · Where did the detachment
essential to living a healthy come about with the parent
life. Larry Crabb’s book, of the same sex?
Inside Out, affirms that “an
inside look must anticipate · When did deception begin
uncovering both deep, to become commonplace?
unsatisfied longings that bear
testimony to our dignity, as · How about the distrust and
well as foolish and ineffective anger towards God?
strategies for keeping
ourselves out of pain that · What was the relationship
reflect our depravity. Each of really like with Mom and
us is a glorious ruin. And the Dad?
further we look into our
heart, the more clearly we Chances are that your person
is focused upon “corrective” have practiced their lines
surgery. You will find that any with each other well before
of your arguments, though meeting you . Having “been
sincerely and accurately there and done that,” I can
given, are less than fruitful. guarantee you that you will
The idea is to keep your be told the most convincing
communication lines open as story in order to persuade
much as possible. So don’t you to cooperate with them.
talk about or try to dissuade Discernment is needed to tell
him from having surgery. whether your person is truly
seeking help and change or
Instead, ask what some merely wanting to argue his
options might be to the point or gain sympathy and
invasive surgery. Challenge acceptance.
the person to seek healing
prayer and in-depth It is not meant to be
counseling so hurtful demeaning when I assert
memories won’t be carried that lies are commonplace
any longer, regardless of with those afflicted with
what they choose to do in gender identity disorders. It’s
the future. Encourage long just the facts! So be wary
and hard looks at their and wise.
insides, as Dr. Larry Crabb
suggests, “identifying your One, which immediately
temperament, healing painful confuses the caregiver and
memories, learning to quickly wins sympathy is, “I
ventilate buried hurts, am a hermaphrodite or
reconstructing the damaging intersexed person, (having
impact of your parent’s both sets of genitalia) and
mistakes, facing destructive my doctors recommend that
emotions and hidden I have surgery to bring my
agendas and bringing them inner personality into proper
under conscious control.” alignment with my
(Inside Out, p.56) reconstructed body.” When
you are told this story you
Never accept the story given would be wise in asking for
as the entire truth. Deception their medical records to
has been the major factor to substantiate the claims that a
manufacture and maintain genuine physiological/birth
the fantasy all along. Do not anomaly/ambiguity exists
expect your person to “come and can only be remedied by
clean” with you just because surgical intervention. Do not
he’s seeking your accept medical records that
sympathies. Transsexuals inform you of this without
thoroughly checking their sex-reassignment surgery?
source of origin. It is
recommendable that you Should you arm her with all
obtain a release of kinds of scriptures verses to
information request form to combat the evil deceptions?
enable you to personally Do you tell her to leave him,
confer with their physician. or have him find another
Transsexuals can come up place to live? What should
with all kinds of convincingly she do when he comes home
forged documentation in and parades himself in front
order to get you to validate of the children as their “other
their neurosis. Mom?” Is this ground for
separation or divorce or
Within your pastoral care excommunication?
there should be ample time
for prayer ministry. Many pastors have carelessly
Saturations of healing prayer asked the wife where it is she
are most warranted. Having is failing him in her refusal to
identified the lie-based have more intimate
thinking, you can then begin moments? One minister said
to speak the truth of God’s to the distraught wife, “Sure,
declarations to the wounded he is wanting to come to bed
soul. Give much opportunity dressed in your nightgown,
for the Lord Himself to speak but is this deserving such a
His Truth to the heart, too. negative reaction from you?”
Once His Truth is spoken, He told her that perhaps if
heard, and appropriated she were more sensitive,
healing comes and darkness attractive, or more
leaves. femininely dressed herself,
he would be satisfied. Maybe
What About the Relatives & the whole thing would be
Spouse? rectified if only she were
more understanding and
One of the most perplexing tolerant? What approach
things about dealing with the would you take in solving the
person afflicted with problem?
transgender confusion is the
need to provide guidance for Our recommendation is that
the immediate relatives and you turn the spouse and
spouse. What do you say to family towards these
the bewildered wife who is resources:
shocked by her husband’s
recent decision to obtain Bold Love by Dr. Dan
female hormones and seek Allendar
Love Must Be Tough by Dr. which is of course the false
James Dobson feminine identity he assumes
for emotional/sexual arousal
Parents in Pain by John White and climax. There is also the
drive for same-sex
When Someone I Love is Gay relationships, so that his
by Anita Worthen & Bob “being a woman” is
Davies completed in the sex act.
Therefore, we definitely
An Affair of the Mind by sense that the violations are
Laurie Hall many and must be handled
with the greatest possible
The Cleavers Don’t Live Here care in order to ultimately
Anymore by Laurie Hall restore the person to sanity
and his God-given gender
Living with Your Husband’s role and spiritual destiny.
Secret Wars by Marsha
Means Close pastoral and
congregational support is
From Bondage to Bonding by mandatory for the wife and
Nancy Groom her family. Never permit
anyone to convince you that
Co-Dependent No More by this condition is the fault of
Melody Beattie the wife. In most cases,
transgender confusion has
Living with your Husband’s been deeply set into the
Secret Wars, by Means psyche and behavior of the
person long before they ever
Do not try to tell the family knew or met their wife.
and spouse what they should
do. Do point out that the Summary:
behavior of their loved one is
a major spiritual problem — You as a pastor or
(idolatry) — as well as a professional therapist do not
deep-seated emotional need to know everything
disorder (gender identity about gender identity
dissociation) which requires disorders to be qualified to
long-term therapy to ever help. Learn to depend upon
resolve. On top of that, the each other within the church
marriage covenant has been and readily enlist others in
violated (adultery) through the community of faith for
the husband’s emotional and this person’s restoration.
sexual encounters with a
woman of his fantasies, Don’t panic when you
discover that someone is be revealed. Be assured that
looking to you for help in this as you enter into this kind of
area. Quickly delineate ministry you will need to be…
between those seeking help
and those who are not. (2) prepared for fierce
Understand that they are spiritual conflict. In order to
desperate or they would not best understand the heart
be coming to you. When a and soul of the person, it is
person presents himself for best to at least…
pastoral or counseling
oversight for this incredibly (3) obtain a rudimentary
shame-based and lie-based education of the
neurosis, be assured that he psychological, spiritual, and
is moving in faith and trust, social reasons for the
most probably as a “last- condition from the resources
ditch effort,” since all we’ve given. Then it is wise
previous attempts to get to…
better have failed. So move
carefully, respecting the fact (4) secure the aid of
that God is at work. professionally trained
Christian therapists to come
Expect an increase in the alongside of you in the
number of people coming to restoration process. Always
you with this condition. It keep in mind that…
seems that more that the
media and medical (5) Ongoing ministry to the
community endorse these wife and family requires
perversions, the more people great sensitivity and close
seek help. Do not buy into pastoral oversight by those in
the myths generated by the the church.
medical and popular cultural
norms. Depend upon the love It is evident that the Lord is
and conquering power of the entrusting you with the care
risen Christ to dispel the lies of another wounded soul that
and replace faulty thinking can best be remedied by His
with inner revelations of abundant Grace and Truth
truth. expressed through His Body,
the Church.
Make sure that you go
about… What people need is other
people who will love them to
(1) providing a safe place for health. We all need “Jesus
secrets to be told and with skin on.”
genuine redemptive love to
End Notes I’m going to get right to the
point and share my heart
Renee Richards, “Liaison with you.
Legacy,” Tennis Magazine.
March 1999, 31. Joe Dallas I am so disappointed when I
Desires in Conflict (Eugene, look at what you are doing
Oregon: Harvest House with your life. By your
Publishers, 1991), 100. Ibid. choices and actions, it is
Ibid. 101. Ibid. 102. Gordon clear to me that after all of
Dalbey, Healing the these years of walking with
Masculine Soul (Waco, Texas: the Lord, you are totally
Word Publishers, 1988), 37. oblivious to who you really
Leanne Payne, The Broken are in Him. If you really
Image (Crossway Books: knew, you would not be
Wheaton, IL, 1991), 43-44. heading in the direction you
Jennifer Schneider, Back from are going.
Betrayal (New York:
Ballantine Books, 1988), I don’t know exactly what
189. Laurie Hall, “Making a was communicated to you
Safe Place for the Hurting” regarding your personhood
(The Church at the when you were growing up,
Crossroads Conference), but I do know that much of it
Cincinnati, Ohio, October 20 wasn’t positive. Still after all
& 21, 2000. Barry Wilding, this time, you’re buying into
Louisville Alive Newsletter, it and setting such low
1995, 17 Ibid. 17 Ibid. 18 expectations for yourself. I
Ibid. 18 Ibid. 18 Ibid. 19 believe it is true that we tend
Ibid. 19 Nancy Groom, From to live according to the way
Bondage to Bonding we actually see ourselves
(Colorado Springs: Navpress, and what we believe are our
1991), 100. Dr. Larry Crabb, capabilities. Your actions tell
Inside Out, (Colorado me that you see yourself as
Springs: Navpress, 1988), someone unable to keep a
55. Ibid, 52. commitment, one who places
his hope and value in his
http://help4families.com/?pa possessions, and one who
knowingly uses others to his
ge_id=451
own advantage.

Letter to an Unfaithful You are living so very far


Husband below your true calling. I do
not believe your destiny is
by Betty found in the characteristics
I’ve just described. Most
people are accused of living Living in Christ, in our
above their means, but you destiny of purity and
are living BELOW! 1 Peter wholeness in relationship
2:9 says that you are a part with the Eternal Godhead,
of a “chosen race, a royal does not work by the
priesthood, a holy nation, suppression of evil in
that you might set forth the ourselves. It is lived out
wonderful deeds and display because of the awareness of
the virtues of Him Who called who He has destined us to
you out of darkness into His be. We’re called UP! We’re
marvelous light.” encouraged and motivated
because we get a glimpse of
What does that have in our true calling in Him and
common with the way you are amazed, astounded,
are living now? In Max humbled, and grateful that
Lucado’s book, In The Grip of we are called “the children of
Grace, he talks about God’s God” – sons and daughters
anger at evil. I think that is who are to reflect the family
also a part of what I’m likeness because of His Grace
feeling right now. and Mercy.

I quote: “Love is always When we see ourselves


angry at evil. Many don’t through the distorted lenses
understand God’s anger that the Father of Lies gives
because they confuse the us, we are living up (or
wrath of God with the wrath perhaps I should say ‘down’)
of man. The two have little in to that image. And, oh, how
common. Human anger is he delights in that – to kill,
typically self-driven and and steal and destroy the
prone to explosions of image of God is us. Since he
temper and violent deeds. cannot destroy God, he does
We get ticked off because the next best thing. He
we’ve been overlooked, destroys the “family likeness”
neglected, or cheated. This is in God’s kids.
the anger of man. It is not,
however the anger of God. It is though a loving Father
God doesn’t get angry went on a picnic with his son.
because He doesn’t get His He had prepared his son’s
way. He gets angry because favorite foods so they could
disobedience always results enjoy lunch together. But
in self-destruction. What kind while the father was busy
of father sits by and watches spreading out their “feast”
his child hurt himself.” under a sheltering tree, his
son went exploring down a
path in the woods. There he fear, loathing even the
met a Stranger who enticed garment spotted by the flesh
him with another picnic and polluted by their
‘spread’ that looked even sensuality.”
better. The son indulged
himself in all there was until This is why I have written.
he could hold no more. Then Maybe there is still a chance
he heard his father calling to that you might hear above
him, “Come and get it!” But the deafening voices of your
the son had no desire to go desires. This is my prayer.
back to his father’s “table.”
He was quite satiated. What http://help4families.com/?pa
he didn’t know was the ge_id=448
Stranger’s food was laced
with a drug that would soon
render him unconscious so RELEASE: An Act of Love
that the Stranger could
kidnap the boy. by Betty

I am baffled that you are At some point along her


eating the Stranger’s food journey, a wife whose
when there is a wholesome, husband has broken the
life-giving feast prepared for marriage covenant by
you with your Father. It pursuing “another love”
appears that the “drugs” (homosexuality,
have already taken effect and transsexuality, pornography,
you are on your way to other women), is faced with
oblivion – your conscience some very difficult decisions
benumbed by the feast of the if her husband shows no
moment. I am acutely aware signs of desiring or pursuing
that there are eternal wholeness and freedom from
consequences to your bondage. Conflicting advice
choices, yet I know I cannot from so-called professionals,
forcibly drag you away from friends and family often
danger. leaves her confused and in a
quandary as to what is the
But I hear the words from right thing to do. She hears
Jude, “Refute so as to convict everything from “stick it out”
some who dispute with you, to “kick him out!” … and
and on some have mercy varying shades in between.
who waiver and doubt, strive Or perhaps he is threatening
to save others, snatching to leave.
them out from the fire, on
others, take pity but with I have learned that whatever
choice a wife is faced with, great loss from our
there is one course of action perspective, because so
which is necessary for her much of our time and
own well-being and the thoughts and energy have
fulfillment of God’s purposes been directed toward this
in her life. In fact, once this goal. One woman described it
is done, a wife is able to like this: “At first I was so
more clearly and accurately empty I felt like the wind was
hear from God and take blowing through me.” But
decisive steps of action in ultimately it frees us to
other issues relating to her pursue wholeness for
husband. ourselves and to find our true
identity in Christ, and in
Having read the title of this Christ alone.
article, you know where I am
heading. It is found in the It is usually accomplished in
word release. This means to stages over a period of time
“set free from restraint or – not in one big dramatic
confinement.” For a wife, moment. And often we need
“release” appears to be a the help of a counselor or a
paradox because her support group to pull it off.
husband’s actions and Then about the time we think
attitudes already belie the we’ve done it, our husband
fact that he has thrown off does ‘something’ and we find
the restraint and confinement ourselves struggling again
that are found within the with the same old issues.
marriage covenant. And as a When our happiness and
result, other related well-being are still bound up
restraints soon fall away: in whether or not our
financial accountability, husband makes the decisions
respect for the wife, we want him to make
intimacy, honesty, (healthy, wise, decisions!),
dependability, and spiritual then there’s more strings
growth. attached than we thought.
And if we become angry and
The release I’m referring to bitter and depressed and
is an internal transaction with hopeless if he persists in his
God. It is relinquishing to self-destructive ways, then
Him all our efforts (both we still have too much
overt and covert!) to produce “vested interests.” BUT if we
change in our husband and are able (by God’s Grace!) to
to find our identity in our find a measure of joy (amidst
spouse. This is not an easy the pain) and purpose and
assignment. It feels like a peace even when he has not
made one move toward them, and so to be helpful, I
change, then “release” is in point them out to him. He
progress. ignores me at first. And when
I persist, he tells me that the
Perhaps a garden illustration weeds are not all that big
can help us understand this and won’t harm the plants.
better. Picture two garden He assures me that he’ll keep
plots adjoining each other. an eye on them so they don’t
One garden is mine; one is spread. And then he looks
my husband’s. There is a over at my garden and points
simple boundary marker that out a few weeds that I have
indicates where the dividing overlooked.
line is between the two. In
marriage, we are joined Oh my, I do have some
together, but we are still two weeds! I’d better get to work
distinct people, with personal on my own plot. After all, my
responsibility for our own husband is the one I want to
lives. So both of us have the benefit the most from my
task of working in our own garden. I feel a bit uneasy
garden – planting, tilling, about his disinterest in his
weeding, fertilizing, watering own garden, but I leave the
– yet with the understanding matter with him. I decide
that it is God who will cause that his weeds really are
it to flourish. Each garden pretty small, and I’m just
has different vegetables and being, as he often says, a
flowers, because our tastes ‘perfectionist.’
and preferences vary from
each other. But as the Time goes by, and one day I
vegetables ripen and the realize that it’s been quite a
flowers blossom, we will be while since my husband
sharing with each other the shared any of the produce of
harvest of our labors. And his garden with me. I feel an
together we will be mutually emptiness and a longing for
nourished and “beautified,” what he’s given me in the
with an abundance to share past. So I look over at his
with others. God will be garden to see what he’s
honored through our lives doing. I can’t believe my
and His design and purpose eyes! His garden is overrun
will be fulfilled. with weeds. The plants are
getting choked out, and
But one day I look over at there’s barely any fruit on
my husband’s garden and the vines. Not only that, my
see some weeds beginning to husband is sleeping under
grow. He seems unaware of the nearby shade tree.
I run over and shake him, dripping, I hear the sound of
trying to wake him up. “Look his snoring coming from
what’s happening in your beneath the tree. And the
garden!” He wakes up with a anger I’ve been trying ignore
start. But he pays no begins churning within me.
attention to my words of What kind of man is he … to
warning. His focus is not on let his wife wear herself out
the garden, but me. His on his garden?! He should be
words are harsh and angry. doing it himself. He should
“Can’t a man get any rest care enough about me to
around here? What on earth come right over, take the hoe
are you doing? You are out of my hand, and say,
making a fuss about nothing! “Darling, please go rest.
Get off my back!” Thanks so much for your
help, but I’ll take over from
I try to reason with him, try here.” But, no, he hasn’t
to tell him what’s happening lifted a finger! And besides
to his garden – that that, I’m not only tired – I’m
everything’s going to die it famished!
he doesn’t do something. But
he turns a deaf ear to me, I decide to stop for a while
rolls over, and goes back to and pick some produce from
sleep. my own garden. Come to
think of it, I haven’t even
What now?! But of course! thought about my garden
Why didn’t I think of it since I tackled his. I shield
sooner? I’ll step in and take my eyes from the sun and
over … just for a little while … look over my plot. I can’t
just to get it back into shape believe my eyes! Mine looks
for him. Frantically, I grab worse than his! Some hungry
my hoe and start hacking garden pest has attacked the
away at the weeds. Things leaves and they are riddled
are even worse than I with holes. I’ve got to get
thought! No time to waste! something to kill them off
right away or my crop will be
Days later, I’m leaning on my a total loss. Fear and
hoe, utterly exhausted, desperation grip me. How
because I can’t seem to get can I survive? I not only
ahead. The weeds sprout up have to take care of his
faster than I can hack them garden, but mine, too! And
down because I don’t have that’s too much … just too
enough strength to dig them much!
up by the roots. As I stand
there with the sweat Suddenly I hear my own
words. I stop and repeat I fervently pray that he will
them aloud to myself. “It’s not go back to sleep – that
just too much!” And I see the he will see the truth of what
truth of what I’ve said. It is is happening and take action
too much. Why? Because I in time to save his garden.
have taken on more than I Then we could again have
can handle … or even should sweet and intimate
handle! I’ve overstepped my exchange. I don’t yet know
bounds by taking the what he will do; I have no
responsibility that is not mine control over the outcome.
to own. But one thing I do know. I
must care for my own plot of
But what will happen to his land, even though there is
garden? What will happen to deep pain in my heart for my
him? What if he doesn’t wake husband. In time I will reap
up in time? How can I just the fruit of my labors, and
walk away? But, then again not only will my life be
… how can I stay?! nourished, but there will be
an overflow for others. And
I turn and walk toward the again my life will glorify God.
figure under the tree. My
heart is pounding, but I know http://help4families.com/?pa
what I have to do. Firmly,
ge_id=445
but lovingly, I grasp his
shoulders and awaken him.
He looks up, his lips begin to Transsexual Regret
curl in anger. “What the Letters
@#?!!”
THE TRANSSEXUAL
I look directly into his eyes. EXPERIMENT
“I’ve tried to help you. I
thought it was the loving by Dr. Robert Stoller
thing to do. But now I see
that I’m not doing you or This was published as “The
myself any favors. Your Transsexual Experiment,” in
garden is in real trouble. 1976. It explains why
Everything will die if you transsexuals eventually
don’t start working on it. But regret SRS.
that’s up to you. I’m going
back to take care of my own Such a travesty.
garden.” I lean over, kiss him
on the forehead, and walk ”Although she had long since
back across the boundary succeeded in passing as a
line to my own. woman, this did not solve the
routine miseries of her life; herself completely to any
so life is dull, not glamorous. relationship (non-sexual as
After her male genitals were well as sexual), and never
removed and an artificial accept and give intimacy
vagina constructed, she from any part of her depths
reported great pleasure and for fear that this most private
orgasm in intercourse with part would be entered. She
men. But as the years was not trying to preserve it
passed, she had increasing because it was precious; she
difficulty in reaching orgasm. would have preferred not to
It seemed possible that was have it. However, she
partly the result of an recognized that it (“he”)
inhibition due to her feeling could not be removed.
that she somehow retained
inside her body a part of her Dr. Stoler said, “Somewhere
old, former, male self. Each within yourself you
sex act was not only an remember you’re different
erotic experience but also a from other girls because you
test of the success of her started out as a boy and you
body transformation, and say…even though it doesn’t
since her partner’s penis was show to anybody, you can’t
in there where ‘he’…her lose that memory completely.
boyhood still lived, the
patient could never relax into I am looking for YOU – a
the safety of a complete feeling that you have of
sense of “femaleness”… the being you. Now that’s a very
evidence rose to the surface, dangerous search for you,
and it could be seen (not just because you never know if
surmised) that the “boy” yet you are going to run upon
lived deep within her and the boy you once were….you
that it was this sense of “his” can’t ever say, “When I was a
presence that made it little girl, I sure envied the
impossible for her in her real boys, I wished that I had
life to be fully penetrated in a been a boy…’”You don’t say
psychologically meaningful that. What you say is, “When
way. She experienced I was (not that I imagined I
maleness as occupying only a was), I WAS.
small part of the total space
of her sense of herself, but, Am I going to come upon
since that small space was an that? And if I come upon
integral as a vital organ, it that, then that means that
was not possible to extirpate for that moment while I
it….she could never be fully remember it, I AM again’. You
stirred, never abandon know that, that’s what
memories do; they make us Dr. Stoller’s article is one of
experience in a small way the toughest for me to read
again. But you know it’s O.K. on your site.
for a woman to experience
again the memory of when Just the fact that the
she was a little girl….When boyhood can’t be extirpated,
YOU go back, you at some the psychological living as a
place cross over a bridge boy and all its excess
which separated one country baggage….and that passing is
from another…and that not over with SRS… that
doesn’t happen to ANYBODY passing is an ongoing thing
else. and the boyhood blocks the
romantic, sexual and social
This represents a problem of giving of oneself-even more
identity-that we not only so amongst those who are
have to be ourselves but most important. Perhaps you
must be free to let others have found the reason why
know it. Without that Calpernia and Conway and
freedom, the transsexual the other 4,000 sites need to
grows toward despair, keep posting…it is an endless
KNOWING that there will and ongoing attempt to
never be the chance to pass…and each “success” at
reveal oneself with the most passing is like a “quick fix”…it
important people……even halts the anxiety and is a
with hormones, surgery, and band aid until the next
passing as a woman, the attempt is needed…it finally
effort is not quite successful, wears on people, that they
because of the feeling of only defend against the
having been-and at a deeper present need to pass, and
level of still being-male future needs to pass show
cannot be extirpated. them blatantly that their
boyhood is manifesting
There is never a day free itself..in other words, the
from fear of discovery, or boyhood keeps striking
from the struggle with back..it doesn’t matter if
managing the process of technology becomes so that
passing. That struggle never biological normal womanhood
ends; one can only defend can be achieved-ovaries, and
against the present uterus and pregnancy… the
emergency. boyhood is etched for good in
the memories…in the
Response to “The “zillions” of memory neurons
Transsexual Experiment” and one will never know
when “he” will pop up.
It is one of the saddest me about…
things I’ve ever read on your
website, and just tears at PS. If it would help someone
me. to not make the same
mistake as me, you’re
Simon welcome to use my posts. Of
course, if you’d like me to go
TOO LATE, TOO LATE! into more detail, I’d be
willing to say more on the
Actually it’s way too late for subject. But above all, please
me, almost eight years too advise your readers to be
late. Every therapist, honest with their therapists
psychologist, and psychiatrist and not tell them what they
that I ever saw told me that I think that they want to hear.
was a transsexual. What they There are people on the
neglected to tell me was that Internet who are more than
I would lose everything by wiling to tell people what to
following their advice. Even say in order to get the
the Internet groups did their diagnosis of “transsexual”,
best to push me in this even if it’s not really right for
direction, never once saying them.
“slow down, make sure that
this is right for you!” I even I’m at “work” at the moment
remember one group that and I really should be
told me what to say to a “working”. I’ll send you my
psychiatrist in order to get a whole story when I get
letter for surgery. Even when home, after my therapist
I expressed doubts just days appointment. When I place
before surgery, my so-called the word “work” in
friends said that it was parenthesis, I’m doing so
“normal to have second because, even with three
thoughts” and that I would master’s degrees, the best I
feel better once everything can manage is a volunteer
was complete. But it didn’t position in a college library.
get better, it got worse. While I’m currently accepted
While I had expected to be here, it’s more as a
treated differently, I never “something else” than either
expected that I’d be treated a man or a woman. That’s
worse than a dog. (But that’s how I live, as a “something
another story.) Since else”, as a non-sexual. I
transitioning, I’ve become don’t think that there’s any
disabled and am on a fixed real sense in my trying to be
income. That’s just one more a “man” anymore. I’ll just
thing that they failed to warn have do my best and try to
survive as this, to live with Blessings!
my mistakes, and realize that
I’ll be alone for the rest of ———————————————
my life. I’ve attached a ———————————–
picture of my very “feminine”
self. What was I thinking? I Dear Bill,
was an ugly man, and I make
an even uglier woman I have read your articles on
Transsexualism and a lot of
Alice what I’ve read applied to me.
I am a 33 year old
LETTERS OF REGRET FOR transsexual. I am now 8 yrs
SURGICAL SEX post op and I guess for the
REASSIGNMENT last 4 years I have grown
increasingly unhappy with
Hello, and may the grace of my situation. I now feel that
our Lord and Savior, Jesus in my attempt to run away
Christ, be with you! from my “manhood,” it has
taken me down this road
I am a post-op (6 yrs) M2F. I which I now feel very alone,
had been a Christian prior to unhappy, lonely, and
my transition and – praise saddened — by what I have
God – came back to him done to those around me and
early this year. I have no myself. I guess I feel trapped
need to transition back to in the sense that while most
male, and am in a place of my family have supported
where God is using me for me or eventually come
his kingdom. I have a MS in around to the new me, I
engineering, but he has don’t know how I can again
called me back to college to face them and say what I
pursue a degree in have done is a mistake; not
psychology and minister to to mention how do I tell my
mentally ill individuals within friends, co workers and
the church. others that I have built up
over the last eight years that
I think you have a great this is all a mistake … a “false
ministry and pray you will face.” I don’t know how even
continue. If I had it all to do to start to explain this to
over again, I would not anyone.
change my sex. And, I would
strongly counsel anyone I think people who don’t
considering doing it to not do know about my past see me
it. as very aloof, distant, and
somewhat unapproachable.
Its not that it’s just I am I just want to go back to who
unhappy with who I am and and what I was before all this
what I have become. Every happened! Can you help me?
morning I wake up and look
in the mirror I see someone Anna
that instantly says what I am
not! Getting dressed in ———————————————
clothing, that while ———————————–
appropriate for my “current
state,” does not come close Hi Bill. What a real blessing
to who I am. I go out with to find your site and the truth
my “friends” and listen to and gentle insight you give.
their little stories, adventures My name is Janet, and I am a
… and pretend to be male-to-female transsexual.
interested in what they are I am 51 years old, and had
saying and making my my surgery at the age of 24.
comments, but I just find Have I ever been happy? No,
this to be totally absurd, and not really. I had always
not of the least bit of interest thought that having my
to me, however I go along surgery would finally allow
with it as they are my friends me to feel “normal” – what a
and I feel some sort of joke! Not until I found my
obligation to offer support to Savior Jesus a year ago have
them. I felt true happiness. I had
always “thought” I was a
I work in an office for a large Christian-after all, I was
company. After I get home, I raised Southern Baptist, and
can’t wait to get out of the had been baptized at the age
clothes that I wear and just of 11. But I never had really
put on jeans and a shirt; pull truly accepted Jesus as my
my hair back and relax Lord and Savior. Believe me,
saying, “god it feels good to I have tried so many ways to
be out of those clothes! It’s fill that “emptiness.” I always
so strange since I can vividly felt deep in my heart a
remember when I actually tremendous void. I have
couldn’t wait to wear them, been an alcoholic, a cocaine
and the time when I would addict; I have tried every
be living full time as a drug known to exist, I have
woman. Well, let me tell you been very promiscuous (in
after doing it for this long its the vain attempt to “validate”
not cracked up to be like or “affirm” my femininity). I
what I would have expected have been hooked on
or felt it was. material possessions, I have
been a stripper;
I modeled for Playboy-and vow of celibacy, which I have
none of it, NONE of it, and have no problem with
brought me happiness. I that decision…and to live the
finally have found the peace rest of my life focused on
and joy I have always Christ which is what I intend
craved, by my belief in Jesus. to. Do you have any
Looking back, I see many of suggestions?
the things you have talked
about in my own life; Janet

* a distant, unloving father ———————————————


———————————–
* a domineering mother
My name is now Marilyn. I
* always feeling “different” was born male and of course
given a male name. I was a
* being a sissy; therefore sensitive child. A bit different
being tormented and and very quiet; I liked the
shunned by others, etc. peace of the countryside and
the beauty of nature, to be
I see now that many things by myself, alone.
in my childhood that caused
me to turn to transsexuality In an attempt to better
and SRS surgery. But now I understand the psychological
am in a quandary for I simply reasons for the choices I
cannot see how I can live as have made, I have been
a man again. reflecting upon my family
upbringing. One of the first
I look in the mirror and think emotionally damaging events
how ridiculous I am-but the was when, at the age of four,
thought of living as “Jim” my own father sexually
again frightens and seems so molested me and my sisters.
foreign to me. I talked to a He’s dead now. He was a
radio pastor once and gentle man but very forceful
explained my situation to him when it came to meeting his
and he said that he would sexual needs. He was 52
have counseled me not to when I born. I guess a life of
have had the surgery if I had gambling and many other
come to him before, but that excesses flattened his
you can’t unscramble dreams and aspirations. His
scrambled eggs so to speak, work prevented my seeing
and that I should ask God for much of him. So, I was less
forgiveness, (I got on my than interested in being like
knees and did), and take a him.
My own life’s experience in then and there that a door
transition through childhood, opened in my mind. Many
puberty and adulthood was questions began to flood my
stormy, confusing, and filled own mind. “Perhaps I am like
with heartache. I simply him,” I reasoned.
became lost in a world of
alcohol and confusion. It wasn’t too long after
meeting him that I paid a
While hitching around the personal visit to his/her
country I once was given a doctor. I said that I had
lift in the vehicle of a feelings which told me that I
predatory homosexual. He was a woman trapped in a
introduced me to his world. man’s body. That sounded
It disgusted me, but right.
strangely fulfilled a need. I
gravitated to this place off Two months later I was
and on for several years. taking female hormones and
forging friendships with many
When I became 24, I married others who attended trans-
a 16 year old girl, which gender support groups. After
didn’t help at all. That some time had passed, my
marriage lasted four years. psychiatrist asked me if this
We had two girls. May God was what I really wanted. My
forgive me for being a rotten answer was, “more
husband, father and provider. hormones please”.
I know that He has. (I John
1:9) I had friends and was
becoming very popular. That
In my early teenage years, I was something very foreign
developed quite a liking for to my life’s experience. It felt
women’s clothes. That good. Eighteen months later
attraction to women’s my body had become
fashions may have started feminine in appearance, to
earlier, but I am not certain the extent that when I
of that. dressed as a woman in public
places I was fully accepted as
Let me tell you about my first a woman; totally
actual meeting of a man who undetectable to anyone as
was in transition to becoming really being a man in
a woman. He was taking women’s clothes, except my
female hormones and looked closest family and friends.
very much like a woman. I Although I was 5’11″, my
was shocked to very roots of bone structure was never
my soul to see this. It was large, strong, or particularly
masculine. I have had many regrets
since that time. I have been
I was amazed…this was the fortunate enough to travel
answer to all my problems. extensively throughout the
Or so I thought. world. Wherever I have
traveled, the Lord has
But then I began to seriously brought me into contact with
question the morality of what Christians who would “read
I was doing. I threw all my me,” and ask such questions
female hormones away a few as “Do you know God?” My
months before my scheduled classic answer to that
operation. It just seemed question was “Oh, yes!” That
wrong. But my doctor gave was just to keep them quiet.
me some more and
persuaded me that I was in One of the most spooky
fact doing the best thing for things occurred when on a
myself and would never be flight from Memphis to
sorry for having my sex Nashville. A book on Bible
changed to that of a woman. prophecy had been left on
Finally, I reasoned within my my seat. That was something
own mind, arguing that it’s of a “heads-up moment” for
OK, saying that my being me. Soon after that, God
upset is just a “case of gave me a dream. I was
nerves”. facing a crossroad. To my left
was a graveyard. And to my
SEX REASSIGNMENT right, upwards along a steep
SURGERY winding path was a church. I
seemed to be dressed in
Four years after I had ministerial clothes of some
initiated the taking of female sort. I never quite
hormones I flew to understood what that dream
Singapore. I presented meant, if anything.
myself to a leading ‘Sex
Change’ surgeon. I had a 45 Over the next few years I
minute interview on Friday came to know Jesus Christ as
and another one hour consult my Lord and Savior.
on Monday. The satisfied
surgeon then invited me to After that I had been faced
come back the next day in with the truth of the
preparation for my surgery, wickedness in what I had
which was scheduled for been doing as a post-
Wednesday morning. operative male-to-female
transsexual. The Bible says
MANY REGRETS that sodomy between males
is wrong. That physical, led (in my case) to one
sexual relationships between screwed up life.
men is wrong, just as it is
between women. Devastated, The hardest person to forgive
I cried, “Oh dear ! Where in all this mess is of course
does that leave me?” — me. Why would anyone
Although I had been keeping like, (let alone love), me. If
pretty much to myself, I cut they only saw the mess I’ve
off all physical contact with made of my life they would
other men. I then began to avoid me like typhoid Mary.
dress primarily in pants and Yet amazingly I am very
tops, but I still looked like a loved. The Lord has proved
woman. I then stopped over and over again how
taking the female hormones. very much He loves me and
so has Penny. If the Lord
I want to glorify my God and loves me so much why didn’t
recommence living as a man, he protect me when I was
but it’s a hard row to hoe. growing up? The simple truth
Just getting the courage to is — He did and He is. But
start taking males hormones without pain there is no
is a real battle. Living as a growth and more importantly
man again will inevitably there is no empathy for the
destroy existing friendships. I pain of others. The truth is
will be shocking to people the Lord has shaped me for a
who have come to know me purpose and though I may
as a woman. But I can’t go not always understand what
on like this for much longer. that purpose is I know He
allowed it because He Loves
Just getting the courage to me. That’s not just a
take that first step on the platitude or convenient
road to reclaim my manhood saying. I know that as
is hard. I know that Jesus bedrock truth in my heart. It
Christ will supply my needs. I was not an easy lesson to
just need to pray more. master but I’m finally seeing
the truth of it.
God Bless to you Marilyn
Not only that but I don’t
——————————————— want to run away from who I
———————————– am anymore. Are there many
things to learn and face up to
My image of masculinity was — YES! But to be an ”island
not the best, and my image unto one’s self “ is a
of femininity was overly miserable way to live. My
glorified and false. This has wife and I are finally starting
to rediscover intimacy — it is my sanctification for Gods
a work in progress. There is purposes.
sometimes pain — but there
is also great reward! The ———————————————
Lord through the Holy Spirit ———————————–
is constantly illuminating my
self-centeredness and my If someone were to have
selfishness. Is it a pleasant asked me years ago if I
thing to behold — NO! But I would ever regret having a
must allow the Holy Spirit to “sex change,” I would have
deal harshly with these given them the definite
things. I don’t want to be in answer, “NO!” I knew what I
charge anymore — I have was doing. Looking back
found through experience now, with more information
that it’s really lonely at the and experience, I can now
top. say I really didn’t know what
I was doing; but now I know
Let me make mention of the more about the real issues,
house church I attend. I have the real reasons for why we
stated, “There are Christian transgender men have
people here (including ALL of eventually believed life would
my pastors) who know about be better playing dress-up
my struggles. I belong to a the rest of our lives.
care-ring of believers as well
as my regular church yet I I’m choosing to return to
have no real support system being a male because when it
concerning these issues. The comes down to it, I really am
simple truth is it’s more a male and never can un-
reality than most people become a male; nor can I
want to know. Most of the ever truly become a female.
time they don’t know how to There are some things deep
respond anyway.” The Lord inside a person that a so-
has been leading me to the called “sex change” can
conclusion that these are never change…and becoming
exactly the people the Lord the male I never allowed
wants to use to deal with the myself to be is going to be
issues I’m facing. Once rewarding to me. It will be
again, this isn’t about gender really nice to not have to
confusion — I don’t need to pretend being a girl
be convinced that God didn’t anymore.
make a mistake by making
me male. It’s simply about Alex
living the Christian life — it’s
about discipleship, it’s about ———————————————
———————————– regiment of hormone pills, do
my makeup in the mirror for
Though I’ve been pleased hours, etc.
with my new breasts and
thought I looked attractive, It took me a long time to fix
(which was reinforced by the myself up and keep up with
compliments of my the beauty regimen,
transgendered circle of especially since I was not
friends), I nevertheless truly a woman. So although I
became depressed. I was looked better than most of
never able to be happy or the women out there, it was
find true love. I was in love all a charade because I was
with a guy that I thought was not even a woman to begin
the best thing that had ever with — and it took so long for
happened to me. But he was me to look like one. Going to
abusive. Despite the abuse, a bar or party as a woman
there was almost nothing I was hard work. The
would not have done for him. performance was an
But it was all for nothing everyday lie.
because he left me for
someone younger. But the praise from the
others in my crowd of
In the homosexual and transgender friends kept me
transgender life, youth is going. I was the center of
very important. As a result, I attention and felt important.
was obsessed with my body When younger transgenders
and personal appearance. joined us, I took more
Acceptance by others in this hormone estrogen pills to
lifestyle requires a good body look more physically female,
and good looks. even though the increased
dosage made me physically
In order to be part of the ill.
transgender crowd, men
must meet certain criteria. One time I saw myself from a
We have to have more side mirror and was
dominate female features; in frightened because I thought
other words, look more like a it was someone else. At one
woman than she actually point, I was so depressed
does. So we had to have and lonely that I went to the
bigger breasts, more shapely public rail system wanting to
hips, flawless complexion, be rescued, even if it meant
etc. In order to keep up, I going to jail. I carried half a
had to buy the most gallon of whiskey and was
expensive creams, take a sobbing on the public bench.
It was raining that night and assistance, because I felt no
I urinated on myself over and one would understand how I
over again. I was drunk. I got into this mess and
felt sorry for myself because instead tell me I deserved it.
no one else was. After many But I knew God did not want
letdowns like this, I wanted me to live like this. He had
to change my life. made me complete in His
love and He would complete
No one reached out to me, so me now.
I turned to Christ and
stopped taking hormones. Finally I located a plastic
Slowly I began to look like surgeon to perform the
the gender of my birth. I operation at a reduced rate.
went back to calling myself A Christian woman financed
by my male name, the one the operation. Who would
my parents gave me and that believe that people could be
I had abandoned all those so kind to make such
years when I was trying to contributions for someone
make believe I was a female. like me?
I began to see that I was a
new creature in Christ. I There was a lot of
began to like myself and anticipation and anxiety
associate with people who waiting for the day of my
were Christians. They loved reversal surgery. I thought
me unconditionally and I that day would never arrive,
didn’t have to always look and when it did, I was
“beautiful” to be with them. scared. At one point I began
to think I did not deserve it.
Eventually, no one could tell I
had been a female for all After the surgery was over, I
those years – except for one looked down to see the final
thing. I still had my breasts. results and I never looked
So now I was a man with down again. Now I could do
female breasts. What had the things I had always
once given me so much pride wanted: go to the gym, meet
was now a source of agony people, try on clothes
for me. I did not have the without fearing that someone
money to pay a surgeon and would walk in on me, and
hospital operating room to become more physically
remove the silicone from my active. I began to experience
breasts. Of course, the a confidence I had never had
procedure was not covered before.
by insurance. I didn’t know
where to turn for financial Today I am ready for the
Lord to move me to another knows how that standard is
level so that He will continue not upheld by the typical
to work in my life. Jesus transsexual website.
changed both my body and
soul. I have been changed to Thanks for writing and being
be unchangeable. Not in a willing to share.
million years did I ever think
I would be giving this Bill
testimony. Take it from me,
regardless of what you have http://help4families.com/?pa
done or who you did it with, ge_id=437
when God is in you, your life
will never be the same. Jesus
Christ is the best thing that A Final Farewell to
happened to me. He is more Jennifer Elaine
beautiful than any woman I
could ever try to be. (Taken from Bob’s Personal
Journal)
Sammy
This week I have determined
——————————————— to put an end to the personal
———————————– insanity I have lived called
transsexuality, and its final
Note: We do not publish nightmarish, freakish end of
anything on the website sex reassignment surgery;
without written consent and the frontal lobotomy of the
even with that permission 20th Century.
granted, all names are
fictitious, etc. I’d be open to To begin to write about the
the prospect of your multitudes of other times of
submission, but that would such determination would be
only come after I have chronicled in yet another
become much better ongoing journal entry and
acquainted with you and your already over-stuffed photo
life’s story. I do not want album.
anything on our website that
misrepresents or is not I’m really tired and want to
actually true…so I take my simply call it quits before I
time and cover all of the cross a line no man can pass
necessary bases before back over. I don’t know if or
publishing…since I desire to when I may recant and/or
have a correct, truthful retreat, turning my back to
representation on anything the Spirit, and yield once
that we put out. Heaven more to my terribly
weakened flesh, (my mortal Bob
enemy), in another failed
attempt to win the relentless http://help4families.com/?pa
battle; only to once more
ge_id=429
face the same unrelenting
anguish.
Venus Envy
Heaven knows the
innumerable other attempts God will give us all we need
to kill off these for living a truly good life,
desires/compulsions. saving us from the lust and
Neverthess, I am determined rottenness all around us. 2
to die to these degrading Peter 1:3
passions and live in the
lifestream of God’s Spirit, by Venus Envy by Bob
the unending mercies of a
living Savior. In a recent issue of a popular
woman’s magazine, there
After all of these decades of was an article entitled, “Boys
wrestling and losing, will be Girls.” It told about
sometimes winning, regularly the effects of the feminist
capitulating, I want to make movement upon the gender
a final declaration … that I confusion that prevails in our
am absolutely done with society today.
cross-dressing, the ingestion
of female hormones and The International Foundation
cross-living. It’s killing for Gender Education claims
anything decent in me and that an estimated 3 to 5
threatens most formidably to percent of the male
destroy all that I enjoy and population likes to cross-
love about my humaness, dress.
manhood, life, Christianity,
marriage, family relations, Testimonials arrive in our
and fleeting moments of office on a regular basis from
sanity. bewildered men, most of
whom are heterosexual,
So, herein is my signature some of whom are married,
and promise to desist in expressing their pain in
anything having to do with wanting to be able to dress
assuming the fantasy role of like and be women on a part-
the feminine personna, time basis.
Jennifer Elaine, so help me,
God! Gender-dysphoria is a much
more wide-spread
phenomenon than our the morning as a girl.
society is willing to admit.
And I believe that the Rita Bennett has addressed
feminist movement has gender dysphoria: “What
played a large role in the causes a man to want to lose
deception. Veronica Vera, a his identity? In one example
devout feminist and his parents had wanted a girl
transvestite/transsexual from birth. Children who are
advocate, said in the October not wanted (or whose gender
Issue of “Bazaar Magazine” is strongly rejected) don’t
that cross-dressing is “the have a sense of being.
flip side of the feminist Serious illnesses can also
movement. The feminist have harmful psychological
movement was all about effects on children. Then,
needing to share in the male too, he may have felt he
experience, to get out of the never could measure up to
bedrooms and into the what had been modeled as
boardrooms. But, meanwhile, male.”
men have suffered from what
I call Venus envy. There is a The underlying difficulty (sin)
deep need in men to feel in the trans-gender confusion
soft, to be glamorous, to do is envying the role of the
housework.” opposite sex. It appears that
life would have been much
More has gone into the more tolerable if only God
shaping of trans-gender would have assigned another
confusion than the feminist sexual role. Many extol the
movement, but it has played notion that they are simply
a very significant role in caught in a “third-sex”
ushering in untold suffering syndrome. Others profess
in men and women’s lives. that they are simply
expressing their dominant
ENVY is the root evil in the feminine/masculine side
trans-gender lifestyle. This when cross-dressing.
envy of the feminine (or
masculine, by girls) is deeply ENVY IS THE BASIC ROOT
entrenched in one’s thoughts ISSUE that needs to be
and emotions by puberty. directly confronted in
The normal joys of childhood unlocking the mystery and
are stolen by the incessant confusion for the transvestite
demands of envy. When a and transsexual. A simple
little boy should be praying (yet profound) exercise is to
for a new Tonka truck, he write out just what one
earnestly prays to wake up in envies about the other sex.
The next part of the exercise It is helpful to understand
is to record those things you that “Blessed (happy, to be
find so distasteful about your envied ) is the man who is
own sex. It is easy to see patient under trial and stands
that envy is the nutrient up under temptation, for
feeding our inner lust. when he has stood the test
and been approved, he will
Cross-dressing is not just an receive (the victor’s) crown
innocent act. It is the result of life which God has
of deep-seated envy and will promised to those who love
never be satisfied with the Him. Let no one say when he
status-quo of occasional is tempted, I am tempted
episodes of crossing gender from God; for God is
lines in mannerisms and incapable of being tempted
dress. by (what is) evil and He
Himself tempts no one. But
As one sibling said of her every person is tempted
transsexual brother, “I when he is drawn away,
realized that his lifetime enticed and baited by his
struggle had not been to own evil desire (lust,
become something or passions). Then the evil
someone, but to destroy desire, when it has
something. It seemed to me conceived, gives birth to sin,
that Jim was shaking his fist and sin, when it is fully
at God, saying, `I hate the matured, brings forth death.
way you made me, and see . Do not be misled, my
. . I did something about it.’” beloved brethren.” James
1:12-16 (Amplified,
Envy nourishes our lusts and emphasis mine)
will never be satisfied until
we are consumed by People have expressed it in
fantasies, self-destructive many ways, but for us who
behavior, and excruciating fight against the compulsions
emotional pain. to cross-dress, it seems like
a war that we cannot win.
Ultimately, we lose touch One such “fighter” said it this
with reality and jeopardize way: “I don’t feel like I’ve
our relationship with God. As made any progress at all with
one famous transsexual this. Since we last talked I
female impersonator said on have cross-dressed several
a recent television talk-show, times. I’ve given into cross-
“Reality and I have parted dressing for so long now that
company a long time ago.” I don’t know what I would do
without it. Is it really possible
for me to ever be normal, Anger, anxiety, awful: When
with the regular sexual negative emotions flood into
drives? I don’t ever us, we are to be alerted that
remember being normal and we are being set up for a
I’m really having a problem downward spiral of self-
seeing myself that way. Can destructive behavior, such as
God put something in me cross-dressing.
that has never existed
before? If I get rid of this Dependence: We depend
aspect of my life, what will upon the Lord (and the Body
there be to replace it?” of Christ) for intervention
and help to escape the
Cross-dressing contains temptation (I Cor. 10:13) or
many of the basic elements we depend upon our own
of an addiction. And any ingenuity, which usually fails.
program of recovery will
admit that the path to Demand our own way: We
recovery is paved with rationalize our thoughts and
“relapse.” We cannot expect feelings, blaming others for
to get over such a powerfully the way we are. We excuse
ingrained form of behavior the behavior, saying such
overnight. We have learned things as “I am a woman in a
to “medicate our pain” man’s body,” or “I cannot live
through an imaginative without expressing my
entrance into a fantasy world feminine self.” When we get
of the other sex, by cross- to this stage in the cycle, it is
dressing. too late to turn back to
rational thinking.
Understanding that relapse is
a very real part of the Imaginations: The man
recovery process does not creates the woman he would
give us license to cross- rather be in order to
dress, but does help us momentarily escape the
better deal with the after- responsibilities, pressures,
effects of facing up to its demands of his assigned
consequences. It is progress gender role.
that we are after, not instant
perfection! Cruising: Going to the dress
shop to imagine oneself in
Something I devised and the clothing is one such way
have found useful in for gaining sexual arousal.
combating the addictive cycle The pornographic book store
is recalling the acronym: provides another means of
ADDICT. erotic stimulation. There are
many more! enough eye liner to be
obvious. We’ve reached the
The act: Cross-dressing in crest and now comes the
private or public for the heart pounding thrill of
erotic “high.” feeling the clothes go on and
seeing the makeup come
http://help4families.com/?pa together. The car is rolling
fast and free and the ride is
ge_id=425
exhilarating. It’s off with the
soft and flowing and on with
The Roller Coaster the tight and revealing. Yes,
ever more revealing.
by Pete
But there’s a sharp turn at
Step on my roller coaster the bottom, a ligament
ride. It begins with the easy stretching jolt. The
flat roll out of normality as realization that all these
thoughts drift in of my feminine touches, haven’t
imaginative self-creation; I’m replaced the man staring
in something soft and back from the mirror. He’s
flowing, with perfect there waiting for us. For now,
makeup; my body being the car is rolling and there’s
clean, smooth, and smelling more to come. Enjoy the
sweet. moment! Forget him. More
inclines and plunges, less
The heart rate climbs, almost thrilling than the first but
imperceptibly at first, just better than life back on the
like the car ascending the ground. Then finally one last
main incline. bank of the car with stomach
turning force, and a
If we don’t look over the sickening sensation from the
side, keep our eyes straight turn, then feeling the car
ahead, there’s little sense of lurch to a stop. The mirror
what lies ahead, just a reflects a freak. An obvious
building excitement. It’s a man, looking more like a
long hill and there’s no hurry. caricature than a goddess,
The higher the climb the more clown than woman, and
more the exhilaration to that sick feeling in the gut is
come later. Now the growing. But it will pass and
experience and thoughts are the exhilaration will draw me
getting clearer: the black to the back of the line for
dress, black stockings, another ride.
sandals with 3 inch heels,
black bra, red lipstick, The sensible person would
say, “If you enjoy the thrill prayers.
more than you hate the
nausea, go for it; if not, stop So I’m back to my question
getting back on, you moron!” with renewed hope and
Why can’t it be that simple to urgency. Why do I keep
me? Why can’t I decide getting back on the roller
which is worse, missing out coaster? The simple answer
on the thrill or the nausea is, “it feels good.” Some of
that follows? Why do I keep you will stop there and go
getting back on? away and enjoy the ride in
spite of the nausea that
I think we all ask ourselves follows. But nausea is a
that question and the answer warning of greater sickness
is as diverse as we are, but to come. Others of you will
there are some commonalties stop there, denounce your
between us. I may be rebellious and lustful nature,
reading something into the and muster up the resolution
story but whenever I see to seek something higher
Jesus coming into contact than temporary pleasure; a
with someone who needs good response if you can
healing, He asks them, maintain the determination.
“What do you want?” A Few of us can for long. I
simple and reasonable choose to look for an
question but this is The Lord explanation of why it feels so
of All Creation asking it. good. After all, it is anything
Surely He of all people can but obvious to most men and
see the obvious need and He nearly all women that it
knows all so He knows the would feel good for a man to
need. Then why the go prancing about in
question? Is it His aim to women’s clothes. And even if
cause those coming for the sexual release that often
healing to stop and consider follows is the goal, why is
what it is they most want, women’s clothing so
where they most hurt, what provocative?
is their deepest need? My
sense is that is just what He As already stated, the
was doing … and is doing answer is as diverse as we,
with us today. He is able and but we share some things in
ready to heal us, but He common.
wants us to come asking
specifically. We’re not left None of us feel truly at home
alone in this. His Spirit is among men.
within us converting our
groaning into sensible We sense we are inferior in
some ways to most men, be anatomical. Oh, I may not
it physically, intellectually, have the anatomy of a
competitively, skillfully, professional athlete, the
whatever, we don’t measure intellect of a professor, or the
up. skills of a craftsman, but few
men do — and still most
We feel ashamed as men. don’t find it compelling and
thrilling to step out in high
We may even hate men. heels. I’m left with life’s
experiences, most beyond
At the extreme, we are my control, that have
convinced we are biologically brought me to believe I’m
different from normal men, not much of a man. And here
lacking something male is where we diverge. Our
and/or possessing something experiences are unique to
female, like hormones or each one of us and we walk
brain waves or some other this part of the path alone as
undetectable divergence. we seek an answer.

Our outward anatomy Accompanying our sense of


doesn’t match our inward inferiority as men is a sense
anatomy. of comfort and acceptance
with women. We believe their
So there’s a small crack into world to be a welcome haven
our thinking that can be from the crude, competitive,
chipped at and maybe lead to harsh world of men. They
an opening into the cavern of express feelings, love beauty,
our hearts. Why do I feel nurture rather than
inferior? Am I truly inferior? discipline, console rather
Was I a mistake, a freak of than ridicule. In the extreme,
nature? No evidence we want to become women.
supports an organic cause of To put off all that is male, the
my feelings. Much as I would body hair, the sweat, the
love to find some, there is protruding and dangling
nothing to confirm that my anatomy and to put on all
chemistry or biology is that is female, the flowing
anything but male. I’m not hair, the full breasts, the soft
even somewhere on a curves, the smoothness, the
continuum between male and receptive anatomy. Again,
female. I am woefully well there is no organic
within the confines of normal explanation for these
maleness. Drat! The desires; I’m left looking for
inferiority then must be the psychological
psychological, not explanation. Life’s
experiences have convinced they wanted me to be, trying
me I would have been better to hide my shame by
off if I had been born a flaunting it for all to see,
female. I would have been claiming it doesn’t bother
accepted and loved in that me, this is who I was meant
body instead of rejected in to be. But that finally drives
the one I’m living in. away those who can’t
understand why I would live
So here I am, stuck in a body in such shame. I’m left alone
trying to play the role and condemned and still
expected for that body, but more ashamed.
feeling all the while I’m
unsuited for that role. I’m The roller coaster is my life.
ashamed of myself. I Come on! Get on the ride,
practiced denial most of my enjoy it while it lasts. It will
life, trying instinctively all provide a numbing respite
kinds of strategies to cope. I from the shame for a time
am a perfectionist, trying before the shame comes
desperately to measure up, back with crushing force. The
but that’s impossible and only other line available has
leads to frustration and no waiting but I’m reluctant
greater shame at my inability to get in. It’s the one that
to perform. leads to Jesus’ face. He’s
going to ask me, “What do
I withdrew, choosing a you want?” Am I ready to tell
profession that I thought Him, to ask Him?
would isolate me in a world
where I could cope only to Am I ready to allow Him to
find that world full of better go with me back into my
men as well. I practice past, the family/societal
condemnation of others disappointments and hurts;
trying to hide my shame by the many unresolved
making them feel ashamed memories … and show me
— but that just drives away the lies, tell me the truth,
the ones I need to love me. and prove to be the Man I
needed to convince me …I
I practice anger, lashing out am a man? Am I ready and
when the shame of not willing to be loved when I
measuring up boils over in seemingly can’t love myself?
me and I want to scream.
Again, I drive away those I http://help4families.com/?pa
need. So I’m left with
ge_id=420
exhibiting my shame,
pretending to be the woman
A Midsummer’s Nightmare what I have become. Every
morning I wake up and look
Dear Bill, in the mirror I see someone
that instantly says what I am
I have read your articles on not! Getting dressed in
Transsexualism and a lot of clothing, that while
what I’ve read applied to me. appropriate for my “current
I am a 33 year old state,” does not come close
transsexual. I am now 8 yrs to who I am. I go out with
post op and I guess for the my “friends” and listen to
last 4 years I have grown their little stories, adventures
increasingly unhappy with … and pretend to be
my situation. I now feel that interested in what they are
in my attempt to run away saying and making my
from my “manhood,” it has comments, but I just find
taken me down this road this to be totally absurd, and
which I now feel very alone, not of the least bit of interest
unhappy, lonely, and to me, however I go along
saddened — by what I have with it as they are my friends
done to those around me and and I feel some sort of
myself. I guess I feel trapped obligation to offer support to
in the sense that while most them.
of my family have supported
me or eventually come I work in an office for a large
around to the new me, I company. After I get home, I
don’t know how I can again can’t wait to get out of the
face them and say what I clothes that I wear and just
have done is a mistake; not put on jeans and a shirt; pull
to mention how do I tell my my hair back and relax
friends, co workers and saying, “god it feels good to
others that I have built up be out of those clothes! It’s
over the last eight years that so strange since I can vividly
this is all a mistake … a “false remember when I actually
face.” I don’t know how even couldn’t wait to wear them,
to start to explain this to and the time when I would
anyone. be living full time as a
woman. Well, let me tell you
I think people who don’t after doing it for this long its
know about my past see me not cracked up to be like
as very aloof, distant, and what I would have expected
somewhat unapproachable. or felt it was.

Its not that it’s just I am I just want to go back to who


unhappy with who I am and and what I was before all this
happened! Can you help me? brought me happiness. I
Andrea finally have found the peace
and joy I have always
——————————————— craved, by my belief in Jesus.
———————————– Looking back, I see many of
the things you have talked
Hi Bill. What a real blessing about in my own life;
to find your site and the truth
and gentle insight you give. * a distant, removed, cold,
My name is Janet, and I am a unloving father
male-to-female transsexual.
I am 51 years old, and had * a domineering & attractive
my surgery at the age of 24. mother
Have I ever been happy? No,
not really. I had always * always feeling “different”
thought that having my than other boys/men
surgery would finally allow
me to feel “normal” – what a * being a sissy; therefore
joke! Not until I found my being tormented and
Savior Jesus a year ago have shunned by others, etc. etc.
I felt true happiness. I had etc….
always “thought” I was a
Christian-after all, I was I see now that many things
raised Southern Baptist, and in my childhood that caused
had been baptized at the age me to turn to transsexuality
of 11. But I never had really and SRS surgery. But now I
truly accepted Jesus as my am in a quandary for I simply
Lord and Savior. Believe me, cannot see how I can live as
I have tried so many ways to a man again.
fill that “emptiness.” I always
felt deep in my heart a I look in the mirror and think
tremendous void. I have how ridiculous I am-but the
been an alcoholic, a cocaine thought of living as “Jim”
addict; I have tried every again frightens and seems so
drug known to exist, I have foreign to me. I talked to a
been very promiscuous (in radio pastor once and
the vain attempt to “validate” explained my situation to him
or “affirm” my femininity). I and he said that he would
have been hooked on have counseled me not to
material possessions, I have have had the surgery if I had
been a stripper; come to him before, but that
you can’t unscramble
I modeled for Playboy-and scrambled eggs so to speak,
none of it, NONE of it, and that I should ask God for
forgiveness, (I got on my It’s called “A Chance I Have
knees and did), and take a to Take.”
vow of celibacy, which I have
and have no problem with Down deep inside this heart
that decision…and to live the of mine, there’s a door
rest of my life focused on locked by design.
Christ which is what I intend
to. Do you have any Hinges of rust from all the
suggestions? tears, I keep it shut from all
my fears.
Janet
But you ask me to let down
http://help4families.com/?pa the wall, with no defense to
catch my fall.
ge_id=416
It’s too late to play it safe,
Running From My True it’s a chance I have to take.
Self
So I choose Love, a Love that
by Kerry (used by can take a heart so cold and
permission) teach it to break.

The Lord has been doing Tears may fall along the way,
some major renovation in my but it’s a chance I have to
heart. The bottom line is I take.
don’t have a gender identity
problem, for I know exactly For I’ve seen a mockery
who and what I am. I am a made of love, everyone talks
man, I am a child of the but no one does.
living God, I am the
husband, lover, and friend of So I hide my heart upon a
my wonderful wife (Patricia) shelf, to never give to anyone
and most of all I am who God else.
created me to be — namely
ME. To say anything else But I fall apart when I hear
would be a lie. The truth is your words, healing will come
I’ve been a runaway. I have to those who learn.
lived the last forty or so
years trying to be an island Change never comes to those
unto myself. There is a who wait, it’s a chance I have
wonderful song written by to take.
Bill Deaton (and recorded by
Bob Carlisle) that expresses For true joy in living is found
my heart perfectly. only in forgiving, those
who’ve scared you so – let even a burden.
them go, let them go.
In the summer (especially
Now you are asking for my after my mother was
trust that’s been abused so diagnosed with cancer) they
very much. would pack me off to my
grandparents. I adored my
So I give to you the me that grandmother; of all the
breaks — It’s a chance I have people in my childhood I
to take. wanted to be just like her.
She made time for everyone
My Own Reflections: — and maybe even more
importantly (to me) she was
I knew from the time I was a the best cook on the face of
small boy that my mother the planet!!!! I realize now
wished that I had been born that she had qualities I
a girl. I don’t remember her desperately wanted. She was
ever dressing me in girl’s a very loving person; she
clothes — I guess the wish would go out of her way to
itself was enough. My father be kind or helpful. She just
was a very hard worker and seemed to have a personality
worked the strangest hours that you wanted to be
to this day I’ve ever heard of around. It’s not that she
– 1 week of days, 1 week of couldn’t be tough if she had
2nd shift, 1 week of 3rd shift to be. Believe me, if she
and then a week that could handle my grandfather
consisted of 2 day shifts, 2 she could handle anybody!
days of 2nd shifts and a day
of 3rd shift. And he did that My Grandfather on the other
for over 30 years. So he was hand was rather self-
always tired (and a little absorbed and he loved to
cranky). I’m not trying to play mind games.
make excuses for him. When
he didn’t show up for my He would take me fishing
music concerts, my (few) from time to time but the
athletic events, or even my thing he enjoyed the most
wedding day it still hurt me. was scaring the bejebers out
He always seemed to have of me. One of his running
time to play a round of golf gags was to stare at me (just
or listen to a baseball game. a little crazy) and tell me he
But since I was born 10 was going to take his strait-
years after my brother I edge razor and cut my hair
always felt like I was an off in the middle of the night.
accident anyway – perhaps Or that some morning I
would wake-up hanging by The hardest person to forgive
my feet from the ceiling. It in all this mess is of course
gave him great joy to pass — me. Why would anyone
me the butter at the table like, (let alone love), me. If
and just as I was taking it they only saw the mess I’ve
he’d give it a little push and made of my life they would
there would be my thumb in avoid me like typhoid Mary.
the middle of the stick. His Time to refer to the song
favorite game was “hot lyric’s above. Yet amazingly I
hands”– you know where you am very loved. The Lord has
put your hands on top of the proved over and over again
other players hands (palm to how very much He loves me
palm) and you try to move and so has Patricia. If the
your hands out of the way Lord loves me so much why
before the other player flips didn’t he protect me when I
his hands over and slaps was growing up? The simple
yours. My granddad had the truth is — He did and He is.
fastest hands in the world But without pain there is no
and when he slapped you he growth and more importantly
didn’t play around. Many a there is no empathy for the
time my hands were beet red pain of others. The truth is
because I just wasn’t fast the Lord has shaped me for a
enough. My Grandmother purpose and though I may
was always after my not always understand what
Granddad to stop teasing that purpose is I know He
me, but Charley just had an allowed it because He Loves
odd way about him. The me. That’s not just a
funniest (perhaps saddest) platitude or convenient
part of it all is that I’m a lot saying. I know that as
more like my granddad than bedrock truth in my heart. It
my grandmother. But it’s true was not an easy lesson to
that whatever you hate the master but I’m finally seeing
most (and don’t forgive! ) the truth of it.
ends up shaping you more
into its image than you could Not only that but I don’t
ever imagine. want to run away from who I
am anymore. Are there many
So my image of masculinity things to learn and face up to
was not the best, and my — YES! But to be an ”island
image of femininity was unto one’s self “ is a
overly glorified and false. miserable way to live. My
This has led (in my case) to wife and I are finally starting
one screwed up life. to rediscover intimacy — it is
a work in progress. There is
sometimes pain — but there Bob forgive me for taking up
is also great reward! The so much space and time. I
Lord through the Holy Spirit guess I just needed to write
is constantly illuminating my these things down and talk
self-centeredness and my with someone who has been
selfishness. Is it a pleasant (and is going) through the
thing to behold — NO! But I process. I also know I
must allow the Holy Spirit to needed to hear them myself.
deal harshly with these I’m sorry for all the junk and
things. I don’t want to be in hurtful things you have to
charge anymore — I have deal with just to minister to
found through experience the needs of others. Hurt
that it’s really lonely at the people, after all, hurt people.
top. Yet I constantly am blessed
and helped every time I drop
Let me make mention of the by the website. This ministry
house church I attend. I have has been a lifesaver and a
stated, “There are Christian rock to me. I have — and will
people here (including ALL of continue to pray for you and
my pastors) who know about Betty.
my struggles. I belong to a
care-ring of believers as well May God Richly Bless You —
as my regular church yet I Always!
have no real support system
concerning these issues. The Kerry :~)
simple truth is it’s more
reality than most people http://help4families.com/?pa
want to know. Most of the ge_id=412
time they don’t know how to
respond anyway.” The Lord
has been leading me to the Pastoral Oversight of the
conclusion that these are Transsexual
exactly the people the Lord
wants to use to deal with the Shock & Strategic Planning
issues I’m facing. Once
again, this isn’t about gender What approach should you
confusion — I don’t need to (or do you) take when you’re
be convinced that God didn’t the pastor of a member of
make a mistake by making your flock, who wants to
me male. It’s simply about change their birth sex status
living the Christian life — it’s by invasive surgery and
about discipleship, it’s about harmful infusions of
my sanctification for Gods hormones intended only for
purposes. those of the opposite
gender? a woman like me goes
through all her life, knowing
Perhaps the parishioner has that your ‘womanhood’ is
previously met with you to mercilessly trapped within
inform you that he has the frame of a much
already had the sex- despised male body.
reassignment surgery and
now desires your The medical world refers to
understanding, cooperation, people like me as a
(if not total sanction!) … in transsexual, or one
helping the congregants manifesting a ‘gender-
adjust to his new role in identity disorder.’
society.
Since I was three years old I
Do you allow the man who knew that I should have been
presents himself as a female born a girl. Well, I have
to engage in the programs of finally been able to achieve
the women’s outreach of that lifelong dream through
your church? Or, can he … I multiple surgeries and have
mean “she” use the women’s adjusted to my new roles
bathrooms with your wife very well. What I want to ask
and daughters? The old from you and the others on
saying is true: “women know the pastoral staff is that you
women.” They readily discern accept me in my newly-given
that though the person in the gender role and allow me to
red dress looks and acts like attend formal worship
a sister … there is something services, women’s functions,
very, very wrong. How do retreats, and be totally
you protect them, the assimilated within your
innocent children, and even congregation as a fully-
the unsuspecting men from functioning female member. I
the charade of a “wanna-be- will do all I need to become
woman?” … or do you even properly educated in your
engage the subject, in the church doctrines and will
hopes that somehow it will faithfully serve you as any
mend itself? other woman of your parish
does. Is that a problem at
When I presented myself as all?”
a new potential female
church member to my priest, He didn’t even blink as he
Rev. Father John, I didn’t answered, “No, there is no
mince any words. “Father,’ I problem within this
said, “I know that you are congregation with anything
not aware of all the anguish you have shared. We do not
make such matters an issue coming to our church
of concern; for we know that functions dressed in women’s
you belong to God and He is attire? He has actually tried
helping you finally come to a my patience by his blatant,
place of inner-peace with unannounced attendance to
who you were initially our woman’s Sunday School
supposed to be. We do not class. What do I do? What
make issues of one’s chosen can I say without sounding
expression of their sexuality unloving and unsupportive of
or their choice of gender him; but he has placed me in
roles. You are most welcome such an awkward position by
here.” not paving the way by
forewarning me of his recent
He then initiated a warm hug decisions.”
as I got ready to leave. As
we parted, he said, “Be sure Another minister wrote, “Last
to come this Sunday to the week one of the women on
11 o’clock service, so I can my staff informed me that
personally introduce you to she would be leaving the
our visiting Bishop following church because her husband
the service.” The service was is going to have sex
very beautiful, especially reassignment surgery. She is
when receiving the Eucharist taking their two children and
from my own Parish Priest. moving to her parent’s home
Interesting, too, was the fact in another state to get away
that the Bishop’s sermon was from her husband’s influence.
centered upon loving and He says he will pursue equal
embracing those who were custody of their two boys,
struggling to find acceptance and intends to tell them that
by the established Church they now have another
because of their sexual or mother.”
gender orientation.
Another very frustrated
He made it very, very clear minister asked, “What can I
that his own approach was do with my associate
that of Jesus Christ: to love minister, who has just
everyone and not condemn confessed he is chronically
anyone. involved in cross-dressing
and parading himself in the
Recently a minister asked, public as a woman. What is
“I’m wondering what it is there I can do besides
that I can do to help Stan, a dismissing him?”
parishioner and very good
personal friend, who is now A more than distraught
pastor inquired, “Last week a victim. The popular cultural
nice couple came into my endorsements and the
office for pre-marital Medical Communities “blind-
counseling. They have been leading-the-blind”
attending our church for legitimization of applying
several months . Jack tells surgical means to correct a
me that he is really a she mental illness, is
and that she is really a he – preposterous at best! The
that they both have switched surgical intervention taking
their sexual and gender roles place today is nothing more
in order to fit into a more than what I refer to as “the
satisfying marriage. frontal lobotomy of the
twenty-first century.”
They both claim they are
supposed to have been One male to female
created the other sex. They transsexual exposes the
want me to perform their Truth in a letter:
marriage ceremony. Good
grief! What do I do?” “Don’t be surprised if your
case-load increases
I do not know many pastors dramatically. The long-held
or clinical care-givers who traditional screening methods
would profess they know how for candidates for ‘sex-
to handle these kinds of reassignment surgery’ (SRS)
problems. Seminary and continues to deteriorate as
University training does not so-called transsexuals
adequately prepare students themselves take over the
to redemptively minister Mental Health Organizations
truth and grace to people and their heavily biased
exhibiting gender and sexual promotional literature. Even
identity problems. the main screening methods
of the Dr. Harry Benjamin’s
A pastor or care-giver is one International Gender
who has the tremendous task Dysphoric Association is now
of helping hurting people to made up of more
find peace with themselves transgendered individuals
and God; and to live a more than ever before. The truth is
purposeful life. The great that the majority of the
dilemma today is the literature which guides the
misinformation, if not all-out- Medical/Psychiatric
blatant misrepresentations of Community in these matters
Truth, which leaves the is composed by the
afflicted parishioner transgendered population.
characterized as a poor Mainstream psychology and
psychiatry has been led to everyone to his own way.” (Is
believe that psychotherapy 53:6)
and pharmacology have little
or nothing to say about this And let’s not forget Mark’s
condition by way of helping injunction that certain
to change a patient’s behaviors make a man
orientation. unclean. Some of them are:
evil thoughts, sexual
They firmly attest that this immorality, theft, murder,
anomaly can only be “fixed” adultery, greed, malice,
or “changed” through deceit, lewdness, envy,
surgical and replacement slander, arrogance and
hormonal therapy.” foolishness. Take a casual
look into the transsexual
Romans 1:25 clearly states Internet Website to see how
that it is common for humans each of these defiling
to “exchange the truth of behaviors and attitudes are
God with a lie.” manifested. Then ask the
transsexual person how
Stop and think this through. many of the above-
Can you think of any other mentioned behaviors have
medical condition in which become a part of their lives.
the patient determines their Their response, if they are
own diagnosis and then honestly forthcoming, will be
explains the recommended quite an eye-opener!
treatment plan to the
physician? Why has the BASIC DEFINITIONS:
Medical/Psychiatric
Communities so completely TRANSVESTISM (across
acquiesced in their clothing lines)
acceptance of the “one-size-
fits-all-mentality?” Could it “A condition in which sexual
be that they are playing God arousal and eventual
by performing surgery (or orgasmic pleasure is derived
mutilating viable human flesh by dressing in the clothes of
& skin-folds) in order to the opposite sex. It can occur
provide a remedy to what in both homosexuality and
otherwise is a hopeless heterosexuality. It is
condition to remedy? characterized by a
momentary desire to dress
At the core the real issue was like and be accepted as a
so well described years ago: member of the opposite
“All we like sheep have gone gender in order to escape the
astray; we have turned present reality and relieve
emotional tensions. It is of the opposite sex. Members
usually done within the of the same sex hold the
privacy of one’s own home emotional connection to
and remains a most private one’s feeling genuinely loved
and well-hidden fantasy life.” due to the other’s same sex
love needs being unmet.”
TRANSGENDER /
TRANSSEXUAL (going across GENDER IDENTITY
established Gender Lines)
“Gender refers to one’s
“A condition in which one genetic sex, male or female,
feels inwardly incongruent in which is irreversibly fixed at
his/her God-given gender the moment of conception by
role or sexual identity. the pairing of the 23rd, or
Eventual attempts are sex-determining
usually made to finally chromosomes (XX or XY.
‘correct the anatomical Hence gender is biologically
mistake’ through increasing determined and can be
episodes of cross-dressing, discerned by the 5th week of
ingestion of hormones of the pregnancy by a simple blood
opposite sex, and eventual test. Identity is more
submission to irreversible attributed to psychological
surgical alteration of their causes, or the product of
body and its secondary sex how one views themselves as
characteristics; such as the a male or female. Put
removal of breasts from the another way, a male is
female-to-male, or the male always a male and a female
genitals from the male-to- is always going to be a
female transsexual. He will female, no matter what
also most usually have disfiguring surgery may
bilateral breast implants so occur. The psychological
he can more readily be process wherein a person
identified as a woman.” identifies more strongly with
one sex or the other is
HOMOSEXUALITY (Same-sex typically completed by the
attractions) third year of life.”

“A condition in which one is MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE


attracted to his/her own WALL …
gender in erotic sexual and
emotional involvement. Ever since I can remember I
There is a disinterest in have stolen many long looks
emotional or sexual at myself when dressed as
engagement with members what I believed myself to
really be; a woman named you can imagine that the
Jennifer. ‘Mirror on the wall, pain is excruciating for the
who is the fairest of them boy or girl whose gender
all?” Each and every identity is confused or
transsexual with whom I fractured. Their interior
have worked has admitted sense of being is sent into a
that the non-refuted answer constant tailspin. It’s a
to that question is, “Of foundational crack that is
course, it is me!” One of the only discovered after the life
most helpful comments given begins to crumble.
to me by my own spouse
was, “Well, to me you look As Joe Dallas states, “Since
like a man in a dress.” That is our society places a high
why transsexuality is called premium on gender roles,
“gender confusion.” your ability or inability to
Physicians have modified that fulfill them seriously affects
earlier, nasty-sounding word, your general well-being.
(“confusion”), by changing it Gender Identity Disorder is a
to “dysphoric.” Sounds nicer, clinical term describing a
doesn’t it? The meaning is, serious conflict between a
“anything that is not within person’s assigned gender
the normal range of what (male or female) and his
before was acceptable as desired gender.”2
‘normal.’”
Dr. Friedman points out that
BASIC CHILDHOOD feelings of being unmasculine
DEVELOPMENT or unfeminine are common
among such adults. He
Basic understandings of proposes that unmasculinity,
childhood development for example, is not
inform us that a person’s necessarily femininity, but a
gender identity is primarily lack of confidence in a
determined by a youngster’s boy’s/man’s own ability to
confidence and comfort with fulfill the masculine role.”3
the gender with which he
most associates and Transsexuality is not a
identifies. The staggering genetically predisposed
truth is that a child’s gender condition. It is “acquired
identity is fairly well through interactions,
established by the age of perceptions, and responses.
four years; before enrolling A secure masculine or
in kindergarten. feminine identity usually
develops through bonding
If that is so, and it is, then with an older figure of the
same sex, usually the father transsexuals with whom I’ve
or mother, and emulating worked claim that their
that older figure. When the relationship to Mom
father/mother figure is remained unusually close in
willing to bond with the child their childhood and continued
of the same sex, this invites to be so on into adulthood.
the child to emulate and In fact, most classify
identify with the parent. The themselves as “Mommy’s
child will be inclined toward boys,” though perhaps
this process, desiring it married and fathers. Much of
intensely, but avoiding it if he the reason for that ongoing
feels unwelcome or closeness is because of the
unaccepted by the parent. emotional connection and
Should that avoidance occur, lack of normal individuation
it could be the beginning of between the mother and son.
gender identity problems.”4 The profound biological
dependence upon Mother
“Problems of gender identity later becomes an abnormal
then begin with the child’s emotional dependence upon
belief that he is unacceptable her constancy, nurturing care
to the parent of his own sex, and protection, and comfort,
and therefore unacceptable symbolized by that which
to all members of his sex. best represents her; female
This robs him of confidence clothing.
to fulfill his gender role,
having felt no invitation to The insights found in Gordon
emulate and identify with his Dalbey’s, Healing the
father or her mother, leading Masculine Soul, are many
to acute feelings of when it comes to pinpointing
unmasculinity or a man’s difficulty in
unfemininity. These feelings effectively separation himself
are confirmed during later from Mother. His
development. So if a boy relationships with women
feels ill-equipped to deal with becomes distorted, and
the other boys through obsessive, with fantasies
traditional masculine abounding about how to
activities, which disrupts his maintain the connection with
ability to bond with other Mother through crossdressing
boys, which reinforces his as well as other compulsions.
belief that he is
unmasculine.”5 Dalbey shares how he laid his
hands upon a man’s
The vast majority of over shoulders and “invited him to
1,700 male-to-female renounce the bonds of false
dependency…and asked the cry is to find Christ-honoring
Lord Jesus to heal his resolution for the anguish of
insecurity from its roots in everyone involved. As a
his mother’s womb.”6 Leanne Care-giver, you already have
Payne cuts to the core in her some of the most well-
book, The Broken Image, prepared professionals who
citing that “A mother, overly already have the basic tools
protective and peculiarly or necessary to treat the
injuriously intimate with a emotional disorders
son – unless a strong and characteristic in the psycho-
affirming father figure is pathology of transsexuality.
close at hand- can render a Some of the most obvious
son unable to separate his medically-related conditions
sexual identity from hers, are Obsessive Compulsive
and she thereby becomes Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder,
part of any propensity Borderline Personality and
towards his homosexual Dissociative Disorders.
(transsexual behavior) that Transsexuals are dying from
might crop up in him” … a condition they want you to
which creates “what I have think as “terminal
come to understand and call uniqueness,” but they are not
a severe suppression of beyond the changeability of
masculinity.”7 God’s great power.

The purpose of this resource “The reason the Son of God


you are now reading is not to ahs been revealed was to
make you into some kind of destroy the works of the
“instant expert” on the devil.” (I John 3:8)
subject. I would assume that
you are interested in gaining There are various steps
basic insights on how to involved to effectively move
proceed form this point, in your person towards a safe
the hopes of not missing the people and a safe place in
mark for you, the church, the which the work of lasting
private practice, or more restoration can be done.
importantly the transgender Deep secrets of the heart will
person and their family be revealed. Confidentiality is
members. a must!

As a Caregiver you desire 1. PROVIDING A SAFE PLACE


healing for the festering
emotional wounds of the Your part is to assist your
transgender person and his person in coming out of the
family members. Your heart’s cloakroom secrecy and into
the light. The main thing that group support meetings.”8
the transgendered person is
attempting to do by his Always keep in mind that this
behavior is to heal himself is indeed a process, which
and keep his shame-filled will demand much time,
activities a secret. Provide a patience, prayer, and effort.
safe healing place and people There just are not any quick
where confidentiality and fixes to deep-seated sexual
anonymity is treated as a and gender identity
sacred tryst. That is not an disorders. Don’t be duped by
easy tack in most situations, the many so-called “latest
especially within the medical studies” that support
established church. the continuance of the
Christians do not typically emotional malady. Every so-
have a sense of safety in called scientific study fails to
their own congregation so far prove anything other than a
as sharing their struggles theory treated like a fact.
and sins. The provision of Darwin’s Theories of
such a safe harbor is going to Evolution are now believed
be determined by the by the vast majority as
pastoral staff’s emphasis and factual, are they not? That is
effectiveness in incorporating exactly what is taking place
counselors, mentors and with so-called scientific
support group settings. inquiry today regarding
transgender behaviors:
Muster the troops! Gather theories.
about your person a small
group of truly caring people Providing a safe place and
of both genders who will safe people in order to
genuinely love this individual restore someone trapped in
to health. Just remember the this particular personality
old saying that it’s not really disorder and sinful behavior
how much you know about is not easily done. The old
transgender confusion that adage, “We Christians are
matters, it is how much the only soldiers in the world
loving attention and careful who shoot our wounded” is
listening you are prepared to too often true. Ask the
give over the long haul that “fallen” church leaders of the
makes or breaks the process. past decade to recite their
As Dr. Jennifer Schneider horror stories of being hated,
states, “Recovery is best disowned, and maligned by
accomplished through a the very ones who swore
combination of counseling their undying allegiance to
and attendance at peer them just days before their
disclosure. The Church has a 1. Safe sees this as a
low tolerance for visible manifestation of God’s glory
struggles and failures. We about to happen.
have quite a task ahead
when it comes to providing a 2. Safe understands the
place of safe refuge for our difference between guilt and
struggling fallen comrades, shame and focuses on guilt
especially within the and speaks the truth but
traditional church environs. doesn’t condemn or label the
But it is time for the church person; while unsafe
to live up to its name and depends upon denial.
truly become a “sanctuary.”
3. Safe offers hope by
I remember so well my focusing on solutions to
conclusions after having immediate needs; gives
attended my first 12-Step support in tangible ways
Recovery Group. I thought, “I
feel as though I’ve been to 4. Safe asks what will give
church for the first time.” life – willing to reevaluate
Raw honesty and redemptive and look at long-held beliefs
love does both uncover and that may need modification
cover the worst of sins. or adjustment.

“Two are better than one 5. Safe honors truth –


because they have a good provides a safe place for
return for their labor. For if people to walk in the light.
either of them falls, the one Unsafe intends to keep things
will lift up his companion. But hidden so no one is
woe to the one who falls embarrassed.
when there is not another to
lift him up.” (Eccl. 4:9-10) 6. Safe operates out of the
authority they have been
Laurie Hall, the author of An given and leaves the results
Affair of the Mind and The to God; knows their
Cleavers Don’t Live Here limitations and refers out to
Anymore, shares some of the others when needed.
attitudes and practices that
determine if a church is safe 7. Safe recognizes the
or not. They are the authority that comes from
following: 9 brokenness; respects one’s
own inner wisdom;
SAFE or UNSAFE: First let’s willingness to learn from all
take a look at the “safe- involved.
healing environment.”
8. Safe uses God’s name to 7. Thinks that only those who
bring healing and mend the are credentialed through an
wounded heart. accredited course of study
have something of value to
9. Safe works to restore say; no respect for people;
families. micro manage; know it all.

10. Safe demonstrates 8. Uses God name to kick


humility, grace, in place of you out and justify violence
authority. against you.

UNSAFE 9. Not above dividing families


to prove their point.
1. Sees the failures and
limitations; uses labels; 10. Motivated by pride;
points out the one part of unable to see their own
your life where you failed and weaknesses and needs; “lord
makes that identify who you it over’ you.
are.
2. PREPARE FOR SPIRITUAL
2. Focuses on shame and CONFLICT
looks for someone to blame.
Understand this: “There is
3. Creates frustration by nothing new under the sun.”
focusing on the problem: (Eccl 1:9)
accentuates the guilt and sin.
Transsexuality is not a new
4. Focuses upon good and phenomenon. It has been
evil – emphasizes religious around as long as men and
rules the spirit world. The Old
Testament references to the
5. Encourages people to be female goddess of fertility,
dishonest in order to remain Ashteroth, is none other than
a “club member”. More what we are facing today
interested in controlling manifested in transgender
behavior than restoring the confusion. Barry Wilding, in
soul. his revealing report entitled
“Feminist Christians
6. Feels threatened when you Resurrect Pagan Goddess
don’t respond as they think Worship,” exposes the
you should; get ego needs agenda of the emerging
met by “healing you” and leadership of the feminist
good at retraumatizing you. and transgender movement,
which is funded by donations
and support of many abortion, lesbianism,
prominent churches in the transsexuality, and
USA. contraception. Its liturgy is
that of the ancient Gnostics
This 1993 Conference beholding their feminine
brazenly expressed their image in the mirror and
origins and mission. worshiping themselves,
“Conference organizers drawing upon
heralded the gathering of lesbian/transsexual sexual
2,200 (feminists and desire as the main energy of
transsexuals) as the the universe.”13
beginning of the Second
Reformation; one designed to “More disturbing was the
rid the church of all sexual, heresy expounded by the
racial, and class conference speakers wherein
distinctions.”10 they categorically denounced
and rejected the concept of
They applauded the work of the author of creation being
2,500 feminists of like mind a Father figure, and Jesus
who pledged to “work as Christ being the Son of God,
guerillas toward a religious mainly because they both are
coup d’etat that would masculine. Instead they
replace God the Father with worshiped Sophia as the
the goddess within.”11 feminine spirit of God form
whom we have all
Donna Steichen pointed out evolved.”14
that “ the ultimate feminist
objective is the obliteration “Conceived as the highest
of Christianity … an form of feminine wisdom,
arrangement which has Sophia is an abstract symbol
legitimated religious bigotry, in which female power, once
racism, classism, actualized (a New Age Term)
imperialism, clericalism and in social and religious
all other isms you can think structures, is transformed
of.”12 into a purely spiritual
dimension. She is the active
Wildering further elaborated thought of God who created
upon the mantra of the the world …”15
women’s movement stating
that “ their catalogue of Starhawk, the officiating
cardinal virtues begins with leader for the Re-Imagining
pride, embraces divorce and Conference is quoted to have
emphasizes such forms of said, “From the earliest
sexual expression as times, women have been the
‘wise-ones’ … and our for daily accountability and
woman-centered culture, input. There are a number of
based upon the worship of helps that will assist you to
the Great Goddess, underlies acquaint yourself with the
the beginnings of all basics of the condition. Some
civilization. Alas, the Goddess we typically recommend are:
has stirred from sleep, and
women are awakening to our RESOURCES RECOMMENDED
ancient power.”16
Desires in Conflict by Joe
I share these things to advise Dallas
you that when you are
dealing with transsexuality, Setting Love in Order by
you are engaging in spiritual Mario Bergner
conflict against principalities
and powers, which demands The Broken Image by Leanne
ample spiritual oversight and Payne
prayer backing.
Crisis in Masculinity by
3. EDUCATION & Leanne Payne
PREPARATION
Healing by Francis MacNutt
You, or your representative,
will need to spend Healing the Masculine Soul
considerable time with the by Gordon Dalbey
person. To best help
accommodate the process; Men’s Secret Wars by Patrick
be certain to have the person Means
commit to meet for an
indefinite period for regularly False Intimacy by Harry
scheduled updates, input and Schaumburg
prayer ministry. You should
plan on setting time into your Inside Out by Larry Crab
schedule for at least one
year’s duration, preferably Pure Desires by Ted Roberts
once every week for this kind
of one-on-one ministry and Out of the Shadows by
oversight. Patrick Carnes

You would do well to hand Don’t Call it Love by Patrick


the day-by-day Carnes
care/oversight to others of
your flock, or enlist the aid of Letting Go of Shame, by
a small support group setting Efron
A very helpful way for you to professional therapist obtain
become better acquainted a signed release form from
with the material in these the client so that there is
resources is for you to assign nothing hidden from either of
them to your parishioner, you in this process. You and
asking for them to recite the therapist working
back to you in both oral and together can then provide a
written presentations the comprehensive care plan for
specific points that they the person. In our opinion, it
found insightful and helpful. is best for the therapist and
These resources, then, can the pastor to always work
act as an ongoing guide for hand in hand in the
your future discussions and restorative process.
prayers.
Many pastoral insights can
It is also most beneficial for come by having your person
you to invite specialized share his daily journal record
guest speakers to conduct when you meet together. We
training and equipping recommend that you have
seminars for you, your the person follow a five-point
leadership team, and the plan in the daily discipline of
congregation. Reality journaling:
Resources offers that kind of
expertise. We also help 1. This was what my day was
locate people close to you like. (Include all struggles,
who may be able to help in temptations, etc.)
this regard through weekend
seminars or educational 2. This is what went wrong
consultation services. with my day. (Details and
reasons)
4. SECURING PROFESSIONAL
COLLEAGUES 3. This is what went right
with my day. (Details and
It is so important for you to reasons)
work in conjunction with a
Christian therapist. This 4. This is what I could have
relieves you of the burden of done differently. (Specific
trying to understand all of details)
the in depth psychological
and social reasons for the 5. This is my written prayer
condition and being the “final about my day. (Handwritten
word” for the person’s and orally prayed)
progress. We always
recommend that the This documentation can also
then be shared with the The person in your fellowship
professional therapist to help who struggles with gender
him/her better understand identity confusion is just
the spiritual components in manifesting another way the
the person’s restoration. human flesh exhibits its
falleness. Helping that
6. APPLYING ABUNDANT individual to understand that
GRACE AND TRUTH he is not a freak, but just
another wounded sinner
The single most important saved by grace is the main
thing you can do is to get task at hand.
your person daily immersed
in the loving acceptance of Labels have to come off! Do
others who are grace-filled not allow the diagnostic tool
and able to tell the truth in of the physician’s defining
love. The church is supposed label to become the person’s
to be a place of fellowship identity. Don’t have people
and intimate involvement. define themselves by what
Perhaps this person is a part they have done. They are so
of your church fellowship for much more and complex
the purpose of teaching your than any identifying label. Do
congregants how to truly not ever refer to your person
love. It is not by accident, as a transsexual. Rather say,
nor is it a responsibility too “You are fighting off desires
heavy to bear. of the flesh which is
something all of us have to
Casting off the desires of the do.”
fallen nature requires daily
discipline and stringent (not Lies must be identified and
legalistic) accountability, dispelled with the truth! It is
ongoing prayerful the infusion of lies about
intercessions, and personal God, others and oneself that
contact through family produces the neurosis. It is
involvement. This multi- helpful to uncover through
faceted healing process casual and reflective
requires the gifting of the conversations and prayer
entire fellowship, not just the times the many lies the
pastor or therapist. person has come to accept as
truth. Some of those lies
The church is not intended to sound like this:
be a place for those who
have no problems. Every LIES:
church member has their
own unique problem areas. “I should have been born a
girl.” “I can never succeed as a
male.”
“Life would have been better
for me if I were a female.” “My family will never accept
me as a man.”
“Women have it easier.”
“I will never measure up to
“My parents would have what a man is supposed to
preferred a girls.” be like.

“My Dad always wanted a “I can never be able to


girl.” survive if I don’t Cross-
dress.”
“Living as a man is too
boring.” “Cross-dressing is showing
who I really am – a woman.”
“God made a mistake and
has given me permission to What all of these reasonings
be a woman.” demonstrate is the ongoing
conflict common to all
“No one understands how I Christians of accepting God’s
could be a woman on the way or demanding one’s
inside of a man’s body.” own. Every Christian believes
his struggle is the worst.
“I have a woman’s brain and That’s why there are so many
a man’s head.” hidden sins within the Body
of Christ. We are all
“Correctible surgery will potentially dying of terminal
make me happy.” uniqueness. So the main
ministry involved is helping
“Men are dirty and evil and the person put to death the
only good for one thing.” deeds of the flesh, to run
from sexual sin and
“God loves me to fulfill my confusion, and to cling to
fantasies in crossdressing.” TRUTH in the midst of
temptation.
“If I were a woman I would
not have been passed over The Bible states the problem:
for the promotion.” “My people have committed
two sins: They have forsaken
“Women accept me more Me, the spring of living water,
when I’m dressed as a and have dug their own
woman.” cisterns, broken cisterns that
cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah
2:13) with His provision and to set
our hearts on obedience.”
One common error we have
discovered with pastors and Do not spout the simplistic
caregivers who are trying to conclusion that repentance
minister to the transgender and another trip to the front
person is this: focusing upon altar of the church is all
the cross-dressing or that’s needed. The person’s
tentative plans for sex heart is desperately looking
change surgery as the major for a solution to his deep-
issue. Theses are not the seated emotional pains by
main issues to spend time crossdressing. The flesh will
on. It’s all a matter of basic always have a prompt reply,
Christian discipleship: “Who although never working is
will the person allow to rule essential to living a healthy
their heart, Jesus Christ or life. Larry Crabb’s book,
self?” Inside Out, affirms that “an
inside look must anticipate
Utilize your well-practiced uncovering both deep,
skills in uncovering the: “root unsatisfied longings that bear
system” of the condition. testimony to our dignity, as
Understand clearly that this well as foolish and ineffective
person has formed a strategies for keeping
pathological relationship with ourselves out of pain that
a mood-altering self- reflect our depravity. Each of
manufactured us is a glorious ruin. And the
intoxicant/drug and behavior. further we look into our
The crux of the problem is heart, the more clearly we
substituting an emotionally can see the wonder of our
dependent relationship with ability to enjoy relationship
Mother and that which alongside the tragedy of our
represents her (her clothing) determination to arrange for
in the place of healthy our own protection from
relationships with other hurt.” All of this will take
people, and himself. The much time and prayer to
person has formed an resolve. Start dealing with
emotional dependency upon these matters:
a behavior (crossdressing),
which as Nancy Groom · Seek to discover the
states, “At the heart…is an reasons he feels so
arrogant and fear-based uncomfortable in his own
refusal to rely solely upon gender role?
God, an unwillingness to rest
in His Grace, to be satisfied · Why has there been such
real or perceived rejection of counseling so hurtful
his own gender? memories won’t be carried
any longer, regardless of
· Why does he feel so inferior what they choose to do in
as a man? the future. Encourage long
and hard looks at their
· What’s behind all the rage insides, as Dr. Larry Crabb
and anger? suggests, “identifying your
temperament, healing painful
· Why is he so bitter and memories, learning to
obsessed upon idealizing the ventilate buried hurts,
other gender? reconstructing the damaging
impact of your parent’s
· Where did the detachment mistakes, facing destructive
come about with the parent emotions and hidden
of the same sex? agendas and bringing them
under conscious control.”
· When did deception begin (Inside Out, p.56)
to become commonplace?
Never accept the story given
· How about the distrust and as the entire truth. Deception
anger towards God? has been the major factor to
manufacture and maintain
· What was the relationship the fantasy all along. Do not
really like with Mom and expect your person to “come
Dad? clean” with you just because
he’s seeking your
Chances are that your person sympathies. Transsexuals
is focused upon “corrective” have practiced their lines
surgery. You will find that any with each other well before
of your arguments, though meeting you . Having “been
sincerely and accurately there and done that,” I can
given, are less than fruitful. guarantee you that you will
The idea is to keep your be told the most convincing
communication lines open as story in order to persuade
much as possible. So don’t you to cooperate with them.
talk about or try to dissuade Discernment is needed to tell
him from having surgery. whether your person is truly
seeking help and change or
Instead, ask what some merely wanting to argue his
options might be to the point or gain sympathy and
invasive surgery. Challenge acceptance.
the person to seek healing
prayer and in-depth It is not meant to be
demeaning when I assert Saturations of healing prayer
that lies are commonplace are most warranted. Having
with those afflicted with identified the lie-based
gender identity disorders. It’s thinking, you can then begin
just the facts! So be wary to speak the truth of God’s
and wise. declarations to the wounded
soul. Give much opportunity
One, which immediately for the Lord Himself to speak
confuses the caregiver and His Truth to the heart, too.
quickly wins sympathy is, “I Once His Truth is spoken,
am a hermaphrodite or heard, and appropriated
intersexed person, (having healing comes and darkness
both sets of genitalia) and leaves.
my doctors recommend that
I have surgery to bring my What About the Relatives &
inner personality into proper Spouse?
alignment with my
reconstructed body.” When One of the most perplexing
you are told this story you things about dealing with the
would be wise in asking for person afflicted with
their medical records to transgender confusion is the
substantiate the claims that a need to provide guidance for
genuine physiological/birth the immediate relatives and
anomaly/ambiguity exists spouse. What do you say to
and can only be remedied by the bewildered wife who is
surgical intervention. Do not shocked by her husband’s
accept medical records that recent decision to obtain
inform you of this without female hormones and seek
thoroughly checking their sex-reassignment surgery?
source of origin. It is
recommendable that you Should you arm her with all
obtain a release of kinds of scriptures verses to
information request form to combat the evil deceptions?
enable you to personally Do you tell her to leave him,
confer with their physician. or have him find another
Transsexuals can come up place to live? What should
with all kinds of convincingly she do when he comes home
forged documentation in and parades himself in front
order to get you to validate of the children as their “other
their neurosis. Mom?” Is this ground for
separation or divorce or
Within your pastoral care excommunication?
there should be ample time
for prayer ministry. Many pastors have carelessly
asked the wife where it is she Living with Your Husband’s
is failing him in her refusal to Secret Wars by Marsha
have more intimate Means
moments? One minister said
to the distraught wife, “Sure, From Bondage to Bonding by
he is wanting to come to bed Nancy Groom
dressed in your nightgown,
but is this deserving such a Co-Dependent No More by
negative reaction from you?” Melody Beattie
He told her that perhaps if
she were more sensitive, Living with your Husband’s
attractive, or more Secret Wars, by Means
femininely dressed herself,
he would be satisfied. Maybe Do not try to tell the family
the whole thing would be and spouse what they should
rectified if only she were do. Do point out that the
more understanding and behavior of their loved one is
tolerant? What approach a major spiritual problem —
would you take in solving the (idolatry) — as well as a
problem? deep-seated emotional
disorder (gender identity
Our recommendation is that dissociation) which requires
you turn the spouse and long-term therapy to ever
family towards these resolve. On top of that, the
resources: marriage covenant has been
violated (adultery) through
Bold Love by Dr. Dan the husband’s emotional and
Allendar sexual encounters with a
woman of his fantasies,
Love Must Be Tough by Dr. which is of course the false
James Dobson feminine identity he assumes
for emotional/sexual arousal
Parents in Pain by John White and climax. There is also the
drive for same-sex
When Someone I Love is Gay relationships, so that his
by Anita Worthen & Bob “being a woman” is
Davies completed in the sex act.
Therefore, we definitely
An Affair of the Mind by sense that the violations are
Laurie Hall many and must be handled
with the greatest possible
The Cleavers Don’t Live Here care in order to ultimately
Anymore by Laurie Hall restore the person to sanity
and his God-given gender
role and spiritual destiny. ditch effort,” since all
previous attempts to get
Close pastoral and better have failed. So move
congregational support is carefully, respecting the fact
mandatory for the wife and that God is at work.
her family. Never permit
anyone to convince you that Expect an increase in the
this condition is the fault of number of people coming to
the wife. In most cases, you with this condition. It
transgender confusion has seems that more that the
been deeply set into the media and medical
psyche and behavior of the community endorse these
person long before they ever perversions, the more people
knew or met their wife. seek help. Do not buy into
the myths generated by the
Summary: medical and popular cultural
norms. Depend upon the love
You as a pastor or and conquering power of the
professional therapist do not risen Christ to dispel the lies
need to know everything and replace faulty thinking
about gender identity with inner revelations of
disorders to be qualified to truth.
help. Learn to depend upon
each other within the church Make sure that you go
and readily enlist others in about…
the community of faith for
this person’s restoration. (1) providing a safe place for
secrets to be told and
Don’t panic when you genuine redemptive love to
discover that someone is be revealed. Be assured that
looking to you for help in this as you enter into this kind of
area. Quickly delineate ministry you will need to be…
between those seeking help
and those who are not. (2) prepared for fierce
Understand that they are spiritual conflict. In order to
desperate or they would not best understand the heart
be coming to you. When a and soul of the person, it is
person presents himself for best to at least…
pastoral or counseling
oversight for this incredibly (3) obtain a rudimentary
shame-based and lie-based education of the
neurosis, be assured that he psychological, spiritual, and
is moving in faith and trust, social reasons for the
most probably as a “last- condition from the resources
we’ve given. Then it is wise We cannot reach the sexually
to… and gender confused until we
first love them.
(4) secure the aid of
professionally trained One of W. E. Sangster’s
Christian therapists to come seven rules for personal
alongside of you in the evangelism was, “Do not set
restoration process. Always out to make people good–
keep in mind that… love them.”

(5) Ongoing ministry to the No one has ever been argued


wife and family requires out of gender confusion or
great sensitivity and close homosexuality … or into the
pastoral oversight by those in Kingdom of God, for that
the church. matter!

It is evident that the Lord is Churches typically do not


entrusting you with the care know what to do when
of another wounded soul that confronted with someone of
can best be remedied by His the congregation who is
abundant Grace and Truth suffering unwanted
expressed through His Body, sexual/gender confusion
the Church. churches really against
homosexuals
What people need is other
people who will love them to * Loving Homosexuals &
health. We all need “Jesus Transgender folks requires
with skin on.” that You have experienced
God’s Love
http://help4families.com/?pa
It is impossible to express a
ge_id=409
love that you have not
experienced. God says “I
How To Love Those Who have loved you with an
are Sexually and Gender everlasting love.” (Jer 31:3)
Confused And John the Apostle wrote,
“How great is the love the
(We edited & adapted this for Father has lavished on us,
our use from an that we should be called
article/workshop taught & children of God! ” (I Jhn 3:1)
permission to use granted by
Tim Wilkins of Cross God wants his love to be
Ministry.org) reciprocated, but he will not
force us to love him. If you
would love homosexuals A lady walked into a
best, you must love God psychiatrist’s office. She was
most! The greatest wearing a strip of bacon over
expression of God’s love is each ear and a poached egg
typically demonstrated from on top of her head. As soon
a heart which has itself gone as she sat down, she struck a
through many internal serious pose and said to the
conflicts, struggles, and doctor, “I’ve come to talk to
torment … and the lengthy you about my brother—who
process of very painful has a problem.”
restoration.
Jesus said before you can
Dr. R. Albert Mohler, remove the microscopic
President of Southern speck from your brother’s
Seminary writes “Evangelical eye, you need to eradicate
Christians must ask the lumberyard from your
ourselves some very hard own eye. (Loose translation
questions, but the hardest of Matt 7)
may be this: Why is it that
we have been so ineffective A mother, father and their
in reaching persons trapped teenage son came to see me;
in this particular pattern of the parents had learned their
sin?” son had same-sex attractions
by viewing the history on his
The atheist Voltaire may computer–gay porn. One of
have had the answer. He the recommendations I made
wrote, “If Christians want us was to perform a DSL-
to believe in a Redeemer, let ectomy on the home
them act redeemed.” Ouch!! computer. Immediately the
father became agitated
Rick Warren says, “There are saying, “That’s impossible,
two basic reasons people my work depends on it.” I
don’t know Jesus Christ as was not surprised to get a
their Lord and Savior. They call from the son later that
have never met a Christian. week. “I couldn’t tell you the
They have met a Christian.” other day, but the reason
Ouch again!! Dad became agitated at your
suggestion to disconnect
*Loving Homosexuals & from the Internet is because
Transsexuals Requires I secretly know he has some
Getting Right with God sites he visits also.”

You can be a Christian and *Loving Homosexuals &


still not be right with God. Transsexuals Requires
Distinctive Qualities Kindness Mark Twain wrote,
“Kindness is the language
Humility: tops the list. Has it which the deaf can hear and
come to this? Do evangelicals the blind can see.” (See
pride themselves on the Colossians 3:12)
mistaken belief that their
church has no one with Patience, gentleness and
homosexual attractions? respect. “But in your hearts
Wake up and smell the latte! set apart Christ as Lord.
Always be prepared to give
Charles Spurgeon visited an an answer to everyone who
affluent, aristocratic woman asks you to give the reason
one day. He moved the for the hope that you have.
conversation to sin and one’s But do this with gentleness
need of Christ. and respect…” (1 Pet 3:15)
The Episcopalian preacher
The woman said “Rev. Phillips Brooks wrote, “An
Spurgeon– I’ll have you know element of a preacher’s
I have not sinned in the last power is genuine respect for
three weeks!” Spurgeon the people whom he
said… preaches to.”

“My, you must be awful *Loving Homosexuals &


proud of that” to which she Transsexuals Requires Being
answered, “Indeed I am!” Pro-Active

Care: is important. Most Many friends of homosexuals


people will only come to you tell me, “All I know to do is
for help if you can pray for her.” I believe in
demonstrate genuine care. prayer, but prayer is never an
You do not have to be a excuse for inaction! Love is a
skilled and trained verb!
psychotherapist. Just be
genuinely caring. Have evangelicals forgotten
that when Adam and Eve ate
Empathy: is “Direct us out of house and home,
identification with, God initiated a search and
understanding of, and rescue mission–calling out to
vicarious experience of Adam, “Where are you?”
another person’s situation,
feelings, and motives.” We Are we inoculated against the
often call it “walking in miracle of the Incarnation–
another man’s shoes.” forgetting that God left the
splendor of heaven for the
stench of a cow stall–to living in sin!”
become a man and dwell
among us? Bear with me here.

And have we underestimated Larry Burtoft writes, “If the


the fact that nowhere in Biblical and Theological
Scripture is God ever perspectives are right, which
pictured in a hurry–except in see in homosexual behavior
Jesus’ parable of the prodigal one of the myriad forms
son? The father, who which human fallenness can
represents our Heavenly take, then those engaged in
Father, races to the wayward such behavior deserve…the
son. (Luke 15) offer of divine forgiveness
and healing which is
*Loving Homosexuals & available.” I would add that
Transsexuals Requires evangelicals need to ask
Believing in the reality of homosexuals for their
Change. forgiveness for some
inappropriate responses that
“LOVE” that rejects the are made on this issue. Note
reality of freedom should be I said “responses” not
considered “cruel and “beliefs.”
unusual punishment.”
This recommendation is often
Grace that forgives us of sin, met with incredulity. Take a
but does not free us from sin spiritual inventory. When you
is a grace not worth having. first learned that a friend or
Individuals who hold to family member was
“Once a homosexual, always homosexual or transsexual,
a homosexual,” should take
Christ’s words to heart–”You Did you curse them?
know neither the scripture
nor the power of God.” (Matt Did you scream at them? Did
22:29) you use any language
unbecoming a Christian? Did
*Loving Homosexuals & you condemn them? Did you
Transsexuals Requires Asking entertain the thought “I’m
Their Forgiveness glad I’m not like him.” Did
you gloat? Did you feel
I know what you’re thinking. yourself to be holier or better
“Why should I ask than him? If you did any of
forgiveness from my the above things, you have
homosexual/transsexual sinned against God and
family member? He’s the one homosexuals/transsexuals
and need forgiveness. First, engagement at a major
go to God and ask His university, I encouraged the
forgiveness. “If we confess host organization to run an
our sins, he is faithful and ad in the student newspaper.
just and will forgive us our I wrote the following ad
sins and purify us from all which they ran.
unrighteousness.” (1 Jn 1:9)
Apology to Gays Overdue
Then go to the judged (that headline caught
individual and ask his/her attention) While we have
forgiveness. No emails or clearly communicated our
letters; this needs to be face- beliefs about homosexuality,
to-face; or, if distance is an we confess we have not
issue, make a phone call. always done so with humility.
Here’s an example of what to Our conspicuous, self-
say. “When I learned of your righteous attitudes have
same-sex attractions, I said contradicted the very
some angry things I should message we proclaim. We
not have said. While I still have regularly emphasized
hold to my beliefs on the truth to the neglect of love.
issue, I ask your forgiveness Often our desire to be right
for the mean-spirited has overshadowed our
remarks that I made. Would responsibility to be
you please forgive me?” respectful. We confess that
we are sinners in need of
At this point you wait for God’s grace, that the way we
them to say, “I forgive you.” live our lives has not always
If they will not forgive you or matched what we confess
take the conversation in with our lips. We confess that
another direction, remain although all of us are created
polite and respectful. in God’s image, that image
Remember, you are not has been marred by our own
asking forgiveness in order to deliberate sin against our
gain a confession of sin from Creator and we long to be
them. Your request for remade in His image through
forgiveness needs to be the atoning death of Jesus
personal, brief and sincere. Christ. Thus we apologize for
the way in which we have
You are not responsible for addressed this issue. We ask
how they treat you; you are your forgiveness and commit
responsible for how you treat ourselves to build bridges of
them! friendship based on human
dignity rather than human
In preparation for a speaking sexuality.
*Loving Homosexuals Homosexuals/Transsexuals
Requires More Than Words Requires Touch

1 John 3:18 reads: “Dear Physical touch is not


children, let us not love with optional, it is essential!
words or tongue but with Americans, particularly men,
actions and in truth.” are reticent to express
(Emphasis added) affection to each other. Not
so in other countries, nor in
When a friend or family the Bible. In China, Africa
member of a homosexual / and other countries it is
transsexual contacts me, an common to see men embrace
initial question is usually, and hold hands. When I was
“What do I tell him so he will in East Africa a few years
leave this lifestyle?” As if ago, I noticed two teenage
there is a magic set of words boys with their arms thrown
that will do the trick. over each others’ shoulders.
Ron Taffel, in his book Why
In 1979 Adrian Rogers was Parents Disagree, recounts a
elected as President of the father’s question, “Is it all
Southern Baptist Convention. right if I hug and kiss my
He could have run for re- two-and-a-half-year-old son
election in 1980, but chose goodnight? I’m afraid it will
not to. When asked by a turn him into a homosexual.”
reporter why he was not
running for a second term, Such thinking is
Rogers said God told him not counterintuitive!
to. The reporter then asked
“Did God speak to you in an Some in the church defend
audible voice?” Adrian Rogers their resistance to ex-gay
revealed one of God’s ministry on the grounds that
attributes when he answered homosexuality is a “dirty
“No, It was louder than that!” subject.” I politely state — “I
am not aware of a ‘clean sin.”
If God can speak in inaudible God the Father got His hands
ways, can his children not dirty when He “…formed man
also? Chuck Colson and his from the dust of the ground.”
wife have the following (Gen. 2:7) God the Son got
matted and framed in their His hands dirty when He
home: “Christians should washed the dust/dirt/sewage
share the gospel at all times from the disciple’s feet. (John
and if necessary, use words.” 13:5)

*Loving Communicate love physically,


not just verbally! Biblical “I will continue to pray for
examples of demonstrative your misunderstanding and
male friendship include David immoral offenses. I have
and Jonathan, Paul and faith that God will open a
Timothy and Jesus and John door for you so you can
the Beloved Apostle. (John realize your sins. Here is a
21:20) verse written by Paul in
Corinthians. ‘Do you not
*Loving Homosexuals/ know that the unrighteous
Transsexuals Requires Telling will not inherit the kingdom
the Truth of God? Do not be deceived.
Neither fornicators, nor
Take another inventory. idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
When you read the previous homosexuals, nor sodomites,
point–”Loving Homosexuals nor thieves, nor covetous,
Requires Telling the Truth”, nor drunkards, nor revilers,
which truth did you first think nor extortionists will inherit
of? the kingdom of God.’

that homosexuality is sin, or If Jesus was ok with


an abomination or that when homosexuality, then why was
a person asks forgiveness, Paul and everyone else to
God separates them from follow the Christian
their sin as far as the ‘East is movement until the late 20th
from the West’ or ‘and such century so against it? The
were some of you?’ My point Bible talks about such
is this– I find that when the catamites as this in the end
word truth is used in relation times. Please find the truth.”
to
homosexuality/transsexuality Much love, Tom (not his real
, many Christians first think name)
of “sin” or “abomination”
versus God’s transforming I do not advocate Tom’s form
grace. We must give people of evangelism for the same
the whole counsel of God. reason I do not advocate
What people need is “the sticking one’s lips in a meat
truth, the whole truth and grinder.
nothing but the truth.”
Tom made some major
Let me illustrate this with an mistakes. First, he assumed I
actual email I received from was homosexual. Second,
a Christian man who the tone of his email is less
mistakenly thought I was still than loving; on the contrary
a homosexual: it reeks with arrogance. And
thirdly, Tom does not give me daughters. And his health
the whole truth when he deteriorates dramatically.
quotes 1 Corinthians. He When Job’s three friends
quotes verses nine and ten, hear of his multiple
but omits verse eleven which calamities, they go to
is crucial to the text. Versus comfort him. Because of
eleven reads “And that is Job’s poor health, he is
what some of you were. But unrecognizable to the friends
you were washed, you were who weep in sympathy.
sanctified, you were justified
in the name of the Lord Here’s the important part.
Jesus.” (Emphasis added) “Then (the friends) sat down
on the ground with (Job) for
Also note that telling the seven days and seven nights
truth does not mean with no one speaking a word
converting homosexuals to to him, for they saw that his
heterosexuality. Many pain was very great.” (Job
Christians peddle 2:13) (Emphasis added.) Can
heterosexuality like it’s you imagine sitting with a
‘another gospel.’ (See hurting homosexual and
Galatians 1:6) Conversion is remaining silent for a week?
to Jesus Christ who, in turn, Some Christians cannot be
transforms us. Jesus did not silent seven seconds when
say “Go and make the issue of homosexuality is
heterosexuals.” He said “Go broached.
and make disciples.”
After addressing a church
*Loving group, a visibly-angry lesbian
Homosexuals/Transsexuals made her way toward me.
Requires Listening My understandable fear
subsided when I got the
James 1:19 reads “My dear story. The lesbian’s sister
brothers, take note of this: would not allow the lesbian’s
Everyone should be quick to partner to visit her nephew
listen, slow to speak and and niece.
slow to become angry.”
Though tempted to interrupt
We can learn a lesson from her tirade and say the sister
Job. His oxen and donkeys had the right and
are stolen. His servants and responsibility to guard her
sheep are killed. His camels children’s’ exposure to such
are carried off. A storm relationships, I sensed I
collapses on the house– should remain silent and just
killing his sons and listen compassionately.
Then, with no hint that things Text by By Tim Wilkins of
were about to change, tears Cross Ministry PO Box 1122
began to stream down her Wake Forest, NC 27588
face. In a soft-spoken voice I 919/569-0375
asked, “Why are you crying?” www.CrossMinistry.org
Though she didn’t answer my
question directly, (and what’s http://help4families.com/?pa
more I already knew), her
ge_id=405
reply spoke volumes. She
said, “I cry all the time.” I
pulled up two chairs; we sat Church Responds to
down and for more than an Transsexuality
hour I listened to her story of
hurt and confusion. Dear Bill:

Do not miss the point! If I Your web site has been very
had not kept my mouth shut, helpful to me. One of our
this lady and I would never pastors and I (Director of
have connected. Women’s Ministries) are
needing your help if possible!
Peter Marshall said, “There I’ll give you a brief synopsis
are aspects of the gospel and pray the LORD will give
that are puzzling and difficult you insight as to how we can
to understand. But our best help:
problems are not centered
around the things we don’t “Jack dressing as Jill”.
understand, but rather in the
things we do understand. Jack is a transsexual who has
This, after all, is but an been attending our church
illustration of the fact that this past year. (Man dressing
our problem is not so much as a woman). No matter how
that we don’t know what we Jack dresses, he looks like a
should do. We know perfectly man (6’5” and heavy beard).
well, but we don’t want to do Several churches in town
it.” have asked him to leave. We
have been extending grace
Is it possible that what many and welcoming him to the
Christians do not want to do following: main church
is … love? services, singles ministry and
our women’s evening bible
Jesus said “…all men will studies. We have set firm
know that you are my boundaries with designating
disciples, if you love one a low use woman’s
another.” (John 13:35) bathroom, not attending
college group (he is 38 years allow Jack to attend. We
old), and not attending our typically resource women
Women’s Fitness Plus with severe problems to a
Exercise Classes. These support group or mentoring
reasons have been explained partner, so they ask, why are
to Jack: too old for college, we allowing Jack to disrupt
and women’s/girls sensitivity things? Good question. Jack
issues. We do not know if he believes the sermons and
has had surgery or not. singles group sermons are
over his head (that’s why he
BOUNDARIES/DECENCY likes college). However, our
women’s studies are very in
We are frustrated in that Jack depth as well. We have
continues to violate the offered to him a small group
boundaries (i.e.: restroom basic seeker study, but he
use, going to the college doesn’t really want that
group, talking about either. Many of our ideas are
inappropriate sexual things in rejected. The pastor I
prayer groups). He shows up mentioned has been very
late, is inconsistent in good in extending grace and
attendance in all the yet holding Jack accountable.
aforementioned activities we He had the bathroom/college
have invited him to. When he talk with him this week,
does attend, he often gets up again. I would be willing to
during bible studies and meet with him for a seeker
moves to the front or leaves study, but is that the best
early. place for him?

We have set him up with a Obviously, we need help as


counselor, but believe he has to how to best minister to
attended perhaps only 3-4 Jack and yet minister to our
sessions this past year. We GIRLS as well. So I ask:
sense there are other mental
health issues going on, but *1. What place is the best fit
that is from both our “non” for Jack?
counselor opinions. Often his
conversation is not in reality, *2. What are the best ways
so we gently try to bring him for us as leaders to minister
back to what is true. to Jack?

WHAT’S A WOMAN TO DO? ———————————————


———————————–
Our women’s directional
team has asked that we not COMPASSIONATE
RESPONSE: innocent lives looking on.

Even if he has had the 3. READ BOLD LOVE by


rearrangement of skin folds, Dr. Dan Allender, especially
to the point that his external the chapter on “Loving the
body appears to be that of a Biblical Fool.”
pseudo female; he
nonetheless is still only a ***********************
“he.” The essence of who you *****************
are in your genetics,
anatomy, chromosomes, Views about the women’s
DNA., etc….do not magically bathroom & other sacred
change by the surgical places
amputation of that which
once formerly defined him a First: the Bible Study
male.
No matter how effectively he
SOME GUIDELINES TO may think he is fooling
REMEMBER: women, it is just plainly very
simple: ‘women know women
Walk in the truth of who God … and can spot a fraud
made us to be; how that immediately.’ It would indeed
process was short-circuited, effect what would be shared
and what can be done to in the group and that could
bring rectification to his and I emphatically believe
greatly fractured soul is would negatively effect the
crucial. growing and learning that
comes from a woman’s Bible
1. His obvious disregard study. His very presence
for your standards, would be stealing something
expectations, and from the women; while he
kindness/grace… is a signal would only feeding himself
that he is only intent upon on the time spent at the
ultimately forcing his ways Bible study for his own
upon you. selfish needs and desires.

2. His lack of follow- Second: the women’s


through with counseling is bathroom
another indicator of his true
resistance to change his √ If Jack was in the restroom
conduct, get well, and what would he be thinking?
repent. His behavior is very
disruptive and less than √ Is he looking over the
considerate of young and women to see who he desires
to be most? before one mirror while Jack
stood before the other mirror,
√ Are his eye’s filled with I would know he is crossing a
envy because he knows he distinct social boundary; and
will never truly be a real clearly violating me with his
woman? deceiving manner of dress.
More troubling would be his
√ Is he undressing the lustful observation of my
innocent women with his privacy; observing me when
eyes and envious of their I put on lipstick, perhaps
bodies? brushing my hair or pull up
my slip. I prefer for no
√ Is he feeding off of the strange man to watch me do
unsuspecting women and any of these personal
achieving his addictive actions. Jack’s invasive
emotional gratification? presence has stolen a safe
and trusting place for women
√ His main concern is some to be.
self-serving endorsement and
exotic high by sitting on the Jack would make it
stool, rather than standing uncomfortable for women to
up to the latrine to help him be in their own gender
get his addictive itch restroom. Because of the
satisfied. Jack’s in this ever-changing
world, I find myself
One woman’s concern… wondering more and more
often, “Is that really a
“When Jack enters a woman in the next stall?”
women’s restroom he is lying
to those of us in there. We A man has no right to enter a
perceive him as being woman’s bathroom! If he
female. He is stealing our truly identified and cared and
feminine privacy. We believe respected women in a
the sign is clear and is there restroom as much as he
on the door so men will not cared about himself … he
enter. Only women are would not violate women in
supposed to be entering into this way. His intrusion only
the women’s restroom. He is reveals his gross narcissism
most definitely violating my and lust-filled heart.”
surroundings mentally and
physically. He is male no A sensible but non-politically
matter what clothes, make correct conclusion:
up, or pseudo name he
wears. If I were standing No responsible mother or
father would want their that women do while there,
young or teenage daughter in strict privacy; never
to use a restroom if they wondering about their
knew Jack was in there. privacy, or if there is a sex-
Whether parents did or did crazed man in the next stall?
not know he was in there, he
would be violating the http://help4families.com/?pa
innocence of the younger
ge_id=401
generation — of budding
women and their right to
feminine privacy. Ex-Transsexual or Ex-
Christian?
Would the violation stop
there? If he so carelessly by Missy
violates their privacy by his
willful disregard for the very My name is now Misty. I was
intelligible sign on the door, born male and of course
will he then be empowered to given a male name.
do so in other ways? Or, are
we chancing, even I was a sensitive child. A bit
encouraging, further harm different and very quiet; I
and intrusions to happen to liked the peace of the
all women of all ages by not countryside and the beauty
enforcing common-sense of nature, to be by myself,
standards as basic as “men & alone.
women’s bathrooms?”
In an attempt to better
Our permissive society seems understand the psychological
only interested in not reasons for the choices I
wanting to hurt the feelings have made, I have been
of an emotionally-ill man reflecting upon my family
wearing a dress in women’s upbringing. One of the first
bathrooms. emotionally damaging events
was when, at the age of four,
THE REAL QUESTION: my own father sexually
molested me and my sisters.
“Who’s feelings should really He’s dead now.
be taken into consideration?”
He was a gentle man but
Common sense would expect very forceful when it came to
that my daughter and I could meeting his sexual needs. He
safely enter our gender- was 52 when I born. I guess
specific bathroom, and go a life of gambling and many
there to accomplish what it is other excesses flattened his
dreams and aspirations. His was in transition to becoming
work prevented my seeing a woman. He was taking
much of him. So, I was less female hormones and looked
than interested in being like very much like a woman. I
him. was shocked to very roots of
my soul to see this. It was
My own life’s experience in then and there that a door
transition through childhood, opened in my mind. Many
puberty and adulthood was questions began to flood my
stormy, confusing, and filled own mind. “Perhaps I am like
with heartache. I simply him,” I reasoned.
became lost in a world of
alcohol and confusion. It wasn’t too long after
meeting him that I paid a
While hitching around the personal visit to his/her
country I once was given a doctor. I said that I had
lift in the vehicle of a feelings which told me that I
predatory homosexual. He was a woman trapped in a
introduced me to his world. man’s body. That sounded
It disgusted me, but right.
strangely fulfilled a need. I
gravitated to this place off Two months later I was
and on for several years. taking female hormones and
forging friendships with many
When I became 24, I married others who attended
a 16 year old girl, which transgender support groups.
didn’t help at all. That
marriage lasted four years. After some time had passed,
We had two girls. May God my psychiatrist asked me if
forgive me for being a rotten this was what I really
husband, father and provider. wanted. My answer was,
I know that He has. (I John “more hormones please”.
1:9)
I had friends and was
In my early teenage years, I becoming very popular. That
developed quite a liking for was something very foreign
women’s clothes. That to my life’s experience. It felt
attraction to women’s good.
fashions may have started
earlier, but I am not certain Eighteen months later my
of that. body had become feminine in
appearance, to the extent
Let me tell you about my first that when I dressed as a
actual meeting of a man who woman in public places I was
fully accepted as a woman; preparation for my surgery,
totally undetectable to which was scheduled for
anyone as really being a man Wednesday morning.
in women’s clothes, except
my closest family and I have had many regrets
friends. Although I was since that time. I have been
5’11″, my bone structure was fortunate enough to travel
never large, strong, or extensively throughout the
particularly masculine. world. Wherever I have
traveled, the Lord has
I was amazed…this was the brought me into contact with
answer to all my problems. Christians who would “read
Or so I thought. me,” and ask such questions
as “Do you know God?” My
But then I began to seriously classic answer to that
question the morality of what question was “Oh, yes!” That
I was doing. I threw all my was just to keep them quiet.
female hormones away a few
months before my scheduled One of the most spooky
operation. It just seemed things occurred when on a
wrong. But my doctor gave flight from Memphis to
me some more and Nashville. A book on Bible
persuaded me that I was in prophecy had been left on
fact doing the best thing for my seat. That was something
myself and would never be of a “heads-up moment” for
sorry for having my sex me.
changed to that of a woman.
Finally, I reasoned within my Soon after that, God gave
own mind, arguing that it’s me a dream. I was facing a
O, saying that my being crossroad. To my left was a
upset is just a “case of graveyard. And to my right,
nerves”. upwards along a steep
winding path was a church. I
Four years after I had seemed to be dressed in
initiated the taking of female ministerial clothes of some
hormones I flew to sort. I never quite
Singapore. I presented understood what that dream
myself to a leading ‘Sex meant, if anything.
Change’ surgeon. I had a 45
minute interview on Friday Over the next few years I
and another one hour consult came to know Jesus Christ as
on Monday. The satisfied my Lord and Savior.
surgeon then invited me to
come back the next day in After that I had been faced
with the truth of the ***********************
wickedness in what I had *****************
been doing as a post-
operative male-to-female A Closer Look
transsexual. The Bible says
that sodomy between males by Bob
is wrong. That physical,
sexual relationships between Let’s examine some of the
men is wrong, just as it is fine points hidden within
between women. Devastated, Missy’s testimony. Why? To
I cried, “Oh dear ! Where see some of the predictable
does that leave me?” ingredients which factor into
the making of a
Although I had been keeping transgender/homosexual
pretty much to myself, I cut person. Each transsexual
off all physical contact with believes themselves as being
other men. I then began to what I call “terminally
dress primarily in pants and unique!” They say, “No one
tops, but I still looked like a understands why I feel the
woman. I then stopped way I do, so the question of
taking the female hormones. genetics eliminates the
necessity of trying to find
I want to glorify my God and some hidden causes for my
recommence living as a man, plight.” However the obvious
but it’s a hard road to hoe. “root systems” which give
Just getting the courage to rise to thoughts and feelings
start taking males hormones about oneself soon become
is a real battle. Living as a clear with the most
man again will inevitably rudimentary level of
destroy existing friendships. I traditionally applied
will be shocking to people psychotherapy. So lets take a
who have come to know me look at what Missy had to say
as a woman. But I can’t go about early childhood
on like this for much longer. development and subsequent
emotional wounds. Then let’s
Just getting the courage to examine our own experience
take that first step on the to see what the similarities
road to reclaim my manhood between Missy and other
is hard. I know that Jesus transsexuals really is. You
Christ will supply my needs. I will probably be able to
just need to pray more. identify other factors which I
have not seen. Let me know
God Bless to you Missy about those, please.
Some of the obvious factors addictions and work. When
involved are these: he was at home, he was not
trying to “Father” his son.
1. A vulnerability towards
being more attracted to the 5. He distanced himself from
feminine world because of his any possibility of becoming
emotional makeup. He was anything like his father. To be
isolated, sensitive, and of a like him was unthinkable. He
softer, gentler temperament; was associated with the
not given to much physical females far more readily.
interaction with others, more
reclusive and quiet by 6. His own sexual/gender
nature. identity was seriously
brought into question by the
2. The devastating and heartache, abandonment,
emotionally crippling neglect, abuse, rejection,
handicap of being subject to and undesirable personality
early childhood sexual abuse of his own Father.
by his own father. (Age 4!)
He was a boy, yet was forced 7. He experienced further
to be made subject to the unwanted sexual abuse by a
same kind of sexual abuse homosexual predator. He was
inflicted upon his sisters; both confused by it and
which makes a 4 year old pleased with it at the same
boy question his own time. The result: Confusion
sexuality/gender when he is and repeatedly seeking
treated the same as other similar results; for in those
girls. types of sexual encounters,
he felt loved, needed,
3. His own Father taught him accepted, affirmed, and
that men (though they may validated as someone of
seem gentle and nice), were value.
violent, not to be trusted,
abusive, and entirely without 8. He “proved his own
feeling when it comes to manhood” by having a wife
satisfying their sexual lusts. and two children; but
miserably failed in the end by
4. He was unable to his own neglect and abuse of
meaningfully connect with his them; thereby more
main role model since his completely being persuaded
Dad was a chronic substance that he was a total mistake;
abuser and physically certainly not a man.
removed from the home
environs due to his multiple 9. His attraction to women’s
clothes/fashions took root experiences would hopefully
early on in his childhood open many other doors in his
development because by that attempt to find love and
act he could thereby become acceptance.
identified/ associated more
completely with what he 12. There wasn’t an
perceived to be the safe, involvement in a long-term,
nurturing, and welcoming in-depth psychological
world of women. workup. Instead, he was
asked what treatment he
10. He was then exposed to would self-prescribe for his
the male-to-female condition? He diagnosed and
transsexual who had been on prescribed his own remedy
hormones and looked very while the professional who
much like a woman. His mind should know better …
grabbed hold of the acquiesced.
possibility that he, too, could
become someone who would 13. He didn’t seek Godly
be pursued by and loved by counsel. He got what he
men. (Latent homosexuality wanted as an unspiritual and
now expressed!) very confused man. Yet, in
the end, he sought the truth
11. He became convinced by first taking a hard and
that he was like the long look at the family of
transsexual since he liked the origin dysfunction. He did not
thought of being a desirable foster the politically correct
woman. His mind became lies of his transsexuality
thoroughly fascinated or being a product of some
enamored by the whole idea genetic flaw at his birth.
… and then finally convinced
that he was actually a 14. His new-found
woman on the interior; and friendships further
could only find remedy encouraged and stimulated
through the ingestion of him into having the surgery.
female hormones and
eventual surgery. He bought 15. He satisfied his sensual
into and propagated the longings for acceptance and
many stories fostered as the love through dressing in
incontrovertible “truth” while clothing which made him feel
attending the transsexual most comfortable.
support groups. He wanted
so much to be accepted and 16. “But then”… he began to
embraced as a legitimate question the decision he had
person. The stories of other’s made; it’s morality and
rightness. Something within needs are secondary to his
his heart warned him that he obedience to a Holy God and
was doing something true Christianity.
inherently wrong. What can
be wrong with something He has discovered that to be
God has created? How is it an ex-transsexual is more
that at some point in the fulfilling than being an ex-
journey we discover that our Christian.
human will is arrogantly
opposed to God’s Divine Will http://help4families.com/?pa
for our lives? In the midst of ge_id=484
convincing himself (and
others!) so completely of his
concocted lie, he was faced Walking In The Truth
by the Holy God, who tried to
convince him that the course by Kathy Duncan
he was on was not God’s plan
for his life. He quickly took (Female to Male Transsexual)
action, discarding his
hormones; yet when soon “It was too painful to be
returning to his own ways, rejected and my convincing
we find him making the final male appearance fooled
arrangements for something everyone. So why tell? I only
so life-altering and confided in girls I was dating,
irreversible. hoping they would protect
my secret.”
17. His personal regrets
coupled with the ongoing ************ From a very
inward prompting of a loving early age, I was confused
God; as well as the many about my sexual identity –
Christian people sent his and who I wanted to be.
way, created a divided heart. Even before entering
Finally his heart was kindergarten, I remember
awakened to the reality that pretending to ride my tricycle
if he was to be a Christian, to my imaginary girlfriend’s
he had to abandon his false- house. But I couldn’t tell
feminine-self and become an anyone about her – weren’t
authentic person. girls supposed to be like
boys? An even deeper secret
18. Reclaiming his own was my strong desire to
manhood is now his God- actually become a boy
given quest. All of the sexual myself.
contact with men has
stopped. His same sex love Family life was dysfunctional.
My dad was emotionally and At 16, I moved out of the
verbally abusive. He didn’t house and began to live as a
seem to know how to hug or man at 19. I initiated male-
to say, “I love you.” In his hormone therapy and was
jealousy, he accused my very excited. I remember
mom of affairs that didn’t thinking, “Now I’m free, now
happen. Mom, on the other I’m complete.” I changed my
hand, was continually name to Keith.
seeking nurture from me. I
soon learned that for her to I had moved in with a family.
love me, it would cost me a The oldest daughter invited
lot. me to her church youth
group. I wasn’t interested
My older brother sexually but, upon her insistence, I
abused me and I felt I had went. There was something
no one to talk to. I was there that I hungered for
already emotionally even though I couldn’t
detached, but the abuse gave describe it.
me more reason to leave it
that way. The desire to During one service there was
become a boy burned even an altar call. I wanted the
greater. changed life the pastor talked
about so I went forward. The
At the age of twelve I next morning I woke up
became friends with a waiting to feel changed but
neighbor boy. We hung out a didn’t feel any different. I
lot together and became took the altar call again.
inseparable. One day I Finally, the third time I said,
confided in him my desire to “OK, Lord, I will do my part.”
become a man. He became Something had changed.
very excited and said, “Now
we can become brothers.” Eventually, someone in my
With his acceptance, I began church found out about my
to dress as a boy, and he secret life. I was confronted
always “covered” for me. by the leadership. Of course,
I lied. I even had an ex-
As we got older, we went to girlfriend come in and say it
different schools. This wasn’t true. The church
worked to my advantage – I asked me to leave saying,
could go to his school dances “We love you.” It hurt to be
as a boy. That’s where I met rejected by those who
my first girlfriend and began claimed to love the Lord. And
to live a double life. I wondered if He really did
love me.
I was beginning to see that relationship, but soon saw
my past, or so I called it, was the pattern of my father in
something I shouldn’t tell me. The dysfunction of the
everyone. I was always relationship shocked me and
looking over my shoulder, I fled from it. I decided I
trying to stay two steps couldn’t be that kind of man.
ahead of everything and I became more diligent about
everyone. It was too painful going to church and joined
to be rejected and my the orchestra. One night
convincing male appearance while on my way to practice,
fooled everyone. So why tell? I heard the Lord as me loud
I only confided in girls I was and clear, “Will you now? Will
dating, hoping they would you now?” I had nothing to
protect my secret. lose so I said, “Yes, Lord. I
will.”
After losing another girlfriend
I cared very much for, I From that point on, He really
began to drink. I confided in began to work on me. I gave
a drinking buddy who wasn’t up drinking and was
bothered by me, so we delivered from pornography.
chased girls together. I soon Sermons were hitting home
found a job working as a and I began to make room
man and quickly began for God everywhere. He had
drinking with my work truly entered my life and was
friends. While at this job, I clearing house.
met a nice Christian girl. We
began to date and after a The Lord brought a married
while I told her about me. couple into my life who
She accepted me and wanted became my spiritual parents.
me to go to church with her. They encouraged me to get
I did and like it. involved in ministry. So I did.
I became a men’s small
I gave up drinking for her, group leader in the Jr. High
but had a new struggle – ministry, a men’s leader in
pornography. It gripped me the single’s ministry, and was
like a drug. I finally told my still playing French horn in
girlfriend about it but she the church orchestra. I had
didn’t know how to help. I also met a godly woman who
managed to keep my use to I wanted to marry. Knowing I
just once a week but that too would need counsel about
was hard. Soon after we this relationship, I finally
broke up. opened up to my spiritual
parents about me. They were
I quickly fell into another grieved but accepted me and
stood beside me. Meanwhile, hand.” As I stepped on this
God began sending deep foreign ground for the first
conviction in my life. I time, God met me there.
remember reading in the
Word that our bodies were Not even a week later I met
the temple of the Holy Spirit with a woman who had
and wondered, “What have I formerly lived as a man and
done to myself?” had gone back to living as a
woman. I had so many
After reading Psalm 139, I questions. Most of them
began to cry because it concerned physical changes.
spoke so clearly how God After nearly twelve years of
had created me and known pumping my body full of
me from the beginning. I hormones, I wondered how I
wondered what the truth was could ever look like a woman
and how God saw me. The again. But the Lord was in
pastor of the church learned charge and asked me to stop
about my situation and the hormones, then began a
confronted me. After almost work in my heart. I met with
twelve years, here I was the women’s leader at the
again. All I knew to do was Portland Fellowship,
to tell the truth, so I did. “I participated in their 10-
am a woman living as a man, month program. In the
I confessed.” beginning, I had a hard time
relating and felt really out of
At that point God breathed place.
His Truth into me and I knew
if I wanted the relationship As I worked through past
with Him I so desired, then I hurts, I knew the Lord
had no other choice than to wanted to become my TRUE
go back to being a woman. Father. At first I said, “No
Pure and simple. way, You’ll hurt me and I
can’t trust you in that place.”
So I chose God and the But I needed a daddy and He
Truth. I asked Him to carry did seem safe so I finally
me because I wasn’t sure agreed. He continued to
how capable I was. He gave show me what a good dad He
me this Scripture in Isaiah really was and how I could
41:10: “So do not fear, for I run to Him as a hurting child.
am with you; do not be
dismayed, for I am your God, That summer I went to an
I will strengthen you and Exodus national conference. I
help you; I will uphold you asked God to reveal how I
with my righteous right had become deceived about
becoming a man. He showed overwhelmed by it, but not
me how wrong perceptions wanting to return to the lie. I
and beliefs that women were was soon comforted and
weak and men hated women affirmed by God when He
shaped my thinking. said to me, “You are who I
created you to be, now walk
I had the mind set that, since in that.”
I was a woman, then I was
hated. And I hated myself. I continue to be amazed at
So I thought in order to love how He has changed my
myself and be accepted by thinking, my behavior, my
others, I needed to become a beliefs and most definitely
man. I wanted to protect my perceptions. “For you
women from men like my shall know the Truth and the
dad. This way of thinking Truth shall set you free.”
trapped me in web of lies, (John 8:32)
but the Truth was simple:
Jesus is the Truth and I can “That is why I am suffering
come to Him. as I am. Yet I am not
ashamed, because I know
After the perceptions and whom I have believed, and
beliefs I’d held were am convinced that He is able
exposed, Truth began to be to guard what I have
revealed – Truth about who I entrusted to Him for that
really was and how I was day.” (2 Timothy 1:12).
created to be.
http://help4families.com/?pa
In addition to attending
ge_id=480
several Exodus Conferences
and being an active
participant and mentored by Wife Contract
The Portland Fellowship, one
of the many life changing
http://help4families.com/wp-
events was attending a week
long intensive seminar. This content/uploads/2013/01/wif
was a heavy duty week of econtract.pdf
truth. And I came home
changed … going from the
old to the new in a matter of A Mother’s Expression of
days and I was scared. One Pain
day I was marveling about
how God had changed my A Mother’s expression of Pain
way of thinking. I was To her son who is suffering
walking in absolute truth, from Gender Identity
Disorder I cannot bear it, to see you
fading away, like you are
It is just too hard to say locked inside a tomb
goodbye, everyday I drown destroying the very body that
myself in tears and cry I worked so hard to take care
of from the first day I found
Why do you want to be out God put you in my
someone else and not the womb,
boy I gave birth to?
It is not fair, it is
Why are you doing this to extremely cruel,
yourself and us, Don’t you God made you a man and
understand how much we there is No other rule
love You?
If you loved me you would
You take the drugs and come to your senses and
change your name realize the truth and seek
every day that goes by I help
realize that nothing will ever Instead you say no and I am
be the same going to think only about
myself
Nothing ever will and I just
go on feeling the pain You are my first, a son and
Longing, Loving the memory an older brother, what if I
of my little boy of my son said to you, I no longer want
What have I ever done? To to be your mother?
deserve this?
Yet you want me to look at
I did the best that I could but you in your insanity and treat
something broke inside of you like a daughter, I rather
you, Something that I cannot be a cow being led to the
fix slaughter
You continue to listen to the
lies and keep the door open You say you are happier with
to satan’s tricks this new life you’ve chosen;
How can you be happier
I thought that love would win when each day your heart
out but you still keep remains frozen?
choosing to believe the lies,
telling you that you are a Frozen and hard to your
woman trapped in a man’s families appeals, that you
body, a body that you say stop all this insanity and
you despise. come back to what is real!
What is real is that you are a
man and will always be that Wake up I say to you in
way, you can try to change Jesus Name! You have no
the outside but never your one else but yourself to
DNA blame because you choose to
trust strangers and believe
What is real is that we raised the lies of
you as our son and we will that blind you so much you
love and care for no other cannot see
we want our son back and Instead of the truth of God’s
your siblings want their Word, the only thing that will
brother set you free!

Our hearts are shattered we I do not know what it will


have nothing left but broken take so I cry and I pray to
pieces and pictures we God to save you before it is
cannot look at because they too late
cause us heartache and pains Jesus said knock and the
It is like watching the son I door will be opened and
love slowly fading away with narrow is the gate..
every drop of estrogen you
put into your veins Stop thinking and fearing
what will happen if you turn
What made medical science back, put your trust in the
and doctors so arrogant they Lord
use weapons of mass And He will give you the
distortion strength that you lack
they kill the unborn and say
it is a choice Yes, I have been angry and
and encourage sick confused cried until my eyes are
people like you to commit swollen, for I do not want my
identity abortion. precious son whom I love to
be stolen
They do not care that this is
a sin, because Jesus is not You are almost 32 now days
their Savior, they do not turning into years, If you do
believe in HIM, instead not trust God I do and I have
they say their savior is a the the faith that He will deliver
man, Harry Benjamin you and wipe away my tears.

They do not care about you, His Word says He hears me


your family or your salvation, when I cry and pray, so I will
they just want to indoctrinate wait upon the Lord and be at
you and the others into their rest until that day.
Agenda for this Nation
Written by Lily 2010 I am designated female on
all legal documentation. I live
http://help4families.com/?pa a lonely and celibate (chaste)
life for most of my years esp.
ge_id=623
I don’t have the same
physical temptations post
Becky’s Testimony operatively.

Coincidentally I’m called Over the last few years I


Becky, & often-just Beck. I have been coming to know
was born male suffering from God on my own. I have come
acute shyness & severe to realize the absolute truth;
inferiority complexes from an I am as God had originally
early age. Somewhere in this created me. I am learning of
time I began cross-dressing God’s Righteous Judgment of
in my mother’s clothes which both this sinning God
literally in closets. I wanted hating world and myself
to date girls, get married and rightly deserve. I’m also
have children but my beginning to understand
shyness & self-hatred God’s Grace through the
prevented me from ever shed blood of our Lord Jesus
being able to find a Christ on the cross for my
wife/partner. I always feared sins; becoming a kind of
hurting a wife and children as “Christian Secret Agent”
your own testimonial though daily reading &
confirms my fears. Like most studying Bible passages,
Trans folks I bought into the daily devotionals, viewing
deception I was a member of certain internet websites,
the opposite sex trapped in such as SO4J.com, Westboro
the wrong body. I am 54 Baptist Church, & other
years old, having changed internet teachers, written
my name in the early 90′s to internet resources such as
Rebecca Jean. I have had Web Bible/Bible Gateway, &
irreversible sex reassignment listening to XM 170 Family
surgery (creation of a Talk. (esp. Bible Answer Man
“neovagina” including & XM 34 Enlighten Southern
castration) in 1997. My own Gospel). I have only recently
thankfully not too large begun to share my faith with
breasts are a result of many anyone literally apart from
years taking HRT (estrogen) writing Exodus, & the much
and must continue taking hated Westboro Baptist
congregated estrogen for the Church of which I have
remainder of my physical life adopted a strange affection
on this earth. Here in Canada for “fire and brimstone”
Calvinistic preaching. I what Your will is “ your good,
attended a local Grace pleasing, and perfect will.
Community Church for the
first time only last week, Ephesians 1:17
tomorrow (Sun Jul 18/10) I keep asking that the God of
will be my second visit. I’m our Lord Jesus Christ, the
still so scared of others glorious Father, may give my
finding out about being husband the Spirit of wisdom
rejected and me. I see and revelation so that he
myself suffering as similar to may know you better. I pray
poor Job; struggling in my also that the eyes of his
flesh, feeling at times cast heart may be enlightened in
down, in shame &everlasting order that he may know the
guilt; condemned to hell with hope to which you have
Deut.22: 5 & Deut 23:1-2, called him, the riches of your
Gen 19,Lev. 18:22 & 20:13 & glorious inheritance in the
sexual sins of 1 Cor 6:9-20 & saints and your incomparably
Romans 1:18-32 I feel it of great power for him who
utmost importance to share believes.
my story with you and ask if
I might be allowed to pray 2 Corinthians 10:3
for you & the others in your The weapons we fight with
Help4 families organization in are not the weapons of the
my Daily Confession of Faith world. On the contrary, they
to the Lord thy God. have divine power to
demolish strongholds. I pray
http://help4families.com/?pa that my husband would
demolish arguments and
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every pretension that sets
itself up against the
Prayers for my Husband knowledge of God and take
captive every thought to
Romans 12:1 make it obedient to Christ.
In view of your mercy, may
my husband present his body John 8:32
as a living sacrifice, holy and I pray that my husband
pleasing to you, which is his would know the truth and the
spiritual act of worship. I truth would set him free.
pray that he would not
conform any longer to the Philippians 4:8-9
pattern of the world, but be I pray that my husband
transformed by the renewing would think about whatever
of his mind. Then he will be is true, whatever is noble,
able to test and approve whatever is right, whatever
is pure, whatever is lovely, philosophies, which depend
whatever is admirable, if on human tradition and the
anything is excellent or basic principles of this world
praiseworthy, he would put it rather than on Christ. For in
into practice. And the God of you, Christ, all the fullness of
peace will be with him. the Deity lives in bodily form
and my husband has been
Isaiah 61:1 given fullness in you, Christ,
Lord Jesus you came to bind who is head over every
up the brokenhearted, to power and authority.
proclaim freedom for the
captives and release from 1 Peter 5:5-10
darkness for the prisoners. I pray that my husband
You said you would bestow would clothe himself with
on them a crown of beauty humility toward others
instead of ashes, the oil of because God opposes the
gladness instead of proud, but gives grace to the
mourning, and a garment of humble. Lord, let him
praise instead of a spirit of humble himself under your
despair and so I ask you to mighty hand that you may
do that for my husband. lift him up in due time. I
pray that he would cast all of
Colossians 2:2 his anxieties on you because
I pray that my husband you care for him. I pray for
would be encouraged in heart strength for him that he
and united in love, so that he would be self controlled and
might have the full riches of alert because our enemy the
complete understanding, in devil prowls around like a
order that he might know the roaring lion looking for
mystery of God, namely someone to devour. I pray
Christ, in whom are hidden that he would resist him
all the treasures of wisdom standing firm in the faith
and knowledge…I pray that because other brothers
just as my husband received throughout the world are
you, Christ Jesus as Lord, he undergoing the same kind of
would continue to live in you, sufferings. And then I ask
rooted and built up in you, that you, the God of grace,
strengthened in the faith as who called him to your
he was taught and eternal glory in Christ, that
overflowing with after he has suffered a little
thankfulness. I pray that he while that you will restore
would see to it that no one him and make him strong,
takes him captive through firm and steadfast.
hollow and deceptive
Colossians 1:9 “this is the way, walk in it.
For this reason, since the day I’m right here beside you and
I heard about this I have not I am moved with
stopped praying for my compassion. Now that you
husband and asking God to are ready—take My hand and
fill him with the knowledge of walk with me thru this dark
His will through all spiritual and ‘losing’ place once again,
wisdom and understanding. so that as you lose the self
that you built up, then you
http://help4families.com/?pa can place your trust in Me
and all I have yet planned for
ge_id=588
the new you”.

Devastating Release – a Ah, sweet devastation, you


poem can bring release! Who can
understand it? I cannot! BUT
O Lord, I’ve battled for so HE CAN! The One who
long to hold onto and keep created me…and now and yet
all of my defenses and walls. and still, He is creating me
After all, they have kept me and redeeming me from all
hidden-hidden so well. the darkness and the pain of
the past years. The
Yet all the while You saw me, desperation will breathe forth
that is, the real me. In the yet another glorious birth!
deepest parts–with all of my
struggles to get out—to By Donna Shuck
break-thru from all of those
same defenses and walls that http://help4families.com/?pa
I so diligently built up. O, it
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took me so many years and
so much energy. I became an
expert at it. No one really Jeff’s Story
knew who I was—but You, O
Lord, always knew me and This is my story. I hope it
loved me and You patiently gives the Lord Jesus Glory. I
awaited for the time that I was about 17 years old when
lost all the strength I had I decided to move to a city in
used to build up my own the state of Maine . One
hiding places. And then they sunny day I left home with a
began to crumble….and I felt, suitcase and started to
too, that I was crumbing hitchhike across the state. To
inside. my surprise, I got there and
my first stop was at a gay
“It’s all right”, You whispered, bar. I think I stayed at a
friend’s house that night. implants in my breasts for
Then as time went on, I fifteen to sixteen years. After
moved to that city; and lived about 18 years living in
there for about 5 years. I Boston , I wanted a new
met this transgender person move, who knew it would be
at the nightclub one night, back to Maine . I got involved
and I thought this is the in doing the same things
most beautiful person I have there, this time I was also
ever seen. We introduced our doing Heroin, Oxycontin, and
self’s and became best Methadone.
friends.
My friend told me about an One day I got into a fight
Endocrinologist who would with a friend and she pushed
see you in his office and talk me down a very large flight
with you to see if you’re a of stairs. It was shocking to
candidate to live your life as me at that moment. At the
a woman or transsexual. If bottom of the stairs when I
the doctor thought you were stood up, the thought, “WOW
a good candidate, he would GOD HAD TO HAVE BEEN
write you a prescription for WITH ME,” came to me.
female hormones. The day I There were no broken bones
saw the doctor he wrote the but I was in a lot of pain so
prescription, I was about bad, it kept me in bed for a
18years old when I started while. One day while I was in
taking them. my bed something or
someone sat me up; I was
After about a year and a half puzzled because I had not
my breast started to look like used my hands or arms to sit
a girls, going through up. This is the thought that
puberty. I was so excited at came to me at that moment,
that time. I felt as though I “WOW, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE
was turning into this person SOLD MY SOUL TO THE
that I had always wanted to DEVIL BECAUSE, I HAVE TO
be. I was not aware that I GO TO A METHADONE
was listening to the DEVIL CLINIC IN ORDER TO
saying, “Your a girl trapped FUNCTION.” I thought deeply
in a mans body,” I thought I and then I started talking to
was hearing myself at that God I said, “God, if I could
time. just get through three days
of not going to the clinic, I
I later moved from Maine to could not go back anyway
Boston Massachusetts . I got because I would be breaking
involved with drugs, drinking, the contract I signed with
and prostitution. I had them. Well to my surprise,
God got me through those head. I was in Awe.
three days and it was very
hard for me, I was going God reached his hand down
through withdrawal, mussel from Heaven pulled 41
spasms, and pain. pictures in front of my face.
He showed me from the time
One day I went to the I was born until that moment
Hospital and while I was in a with him. Every picture was a
wheelchair there a little old living motion picture for
woman walked up to me and every year that I had ever
asked me, “DO YOU K NOW lived. He said, “This is you
JESUS?” I Lied to her, and growing, developing, and
said, “yes.” When I left the changing. Honey, this isn’t
hospital after the doctor saw you, this is what the Devil
me. When I got home and to has done to you.” I was in
my surprise, this is what I awe! I could really feel his
was hearing all the time in breath on my face when he
my head, “DO YOU K NOW talked to me, His breath
JESUS?” this went on for alone was speaking these
some time, finally I said, words, LOVE, PRESHESNESS,
“WELL, I know of him but do Tenderness, mercy, and
I really no him?” I started Grace; those are the words
watching TBN Ministries and of Truth he said. From that
would eventually say the moment, I knew that I had
sinner’s prayer. But I did not listened to a LIE for all those
feel any better or different. I years. The Lord gave me alot
was somewhat upset so I of visions and continued to
said, “Well God, now that you talk to me and give me
live in me why don’t I feel Revelation to transgender, in
any different?” I got back in the supernatural.
bed was looking up to the
ceiling and was talking to He baptized me with his
God and on my TV Paula Spirit in October of 2005 and
White was on preaching Gods set me free from all the
Word. To my shock I had just drugs, drinking, prostitution,
asked God three question’s Homosexuality,
and then turned to the TV Transsexualism, and
And Paula Whites face was depression. Praise GOD HA.
magnified to the size of a He truly is the way the Truth
normal persons head and and the life. Thank you
God answered the three JESUS, I LOVE YOU MY LORD
questions that I had just AND SAVIOR. I am now living
asked him, I could see living as a man again and have
water moving around Paula’s been since 2006 Gods quick.
And know that I am very that is expressed in the heart
grateful for him. Thanks for of a 5 year old. I remember
listening to the testimony sitting on the steps of my
from the Lord He gave this to school and wanting to play
me, for his Glory. All things with the girls, be with the
are possible to them that girls. I disliked the boys and
believe, AMEN . Remember, really did not want to be part
there is a way His name is of their group. As I continued
JESUS. If you don’t know to grow up this desire to be a
Him and would like his help, girl increased, when we
talk to him He is right there would go to friend’s houses
with you in spirit. Jesus is who had dress up clothes, I
calling you and you did not would put on the dresses and
read this by accident. pretend I was a princess.
When I was 9 or 10 my
Jeffrey. parents started going to
church, I remember praying
http://help4families.com/?pa to Jesus every night to
change me into a girl. I
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hoped that I would wake in
the morning and somehow
Anthony’s Story become female.

I was born in the 1970′s on As puberty came I was really


the west coast, my mom and confused and distressed. My
dad separated when I was mind wanted to develop as a
very young. I grew up with female but my body was
my mom and my becoming more masculine.
grandmother for the most This is when I started cross
part in those first years. dressing, mostly in my
When I was young, perhaps mom’s bras, panties and
5 my family lived in a rather lingerie. There was some
normal suburban sexual pleasure from it,
neighbourhood in Northern however mostly I would just
California. One day when I wear them around the house
was out playing with three or believing I was a girl. I was
four other kids on older boy homeschooled and my mom
perhaps early teenager worked out of the house
molested us in a group sex quite a bit so there was a lot
act. I buried the shame, in of time for this. When I was
my heart and never dealt 16 Jesus saved me and for
with it. Soon after that I some time I had some peace,
came to the realization that I but after a while the desires
wanted to be a girl; however were back and worse than
ever. I would try and fight, of 2002. In total we had
but would ultimately go back really known each other 8
to cross dressing. months before we were
married. I did it the old
As I entered my late teens, fashion way and went and
early 20′s the cross dressing asked her father if we could
stopped but I still wrestled see each other. Growing up
with this desire in my life. I in a conservative Christian
would hear accusations in my home I knew how to walk the
head; “You are Female, You walk and talk the talk and
can’t hack it as a man.” effectively fooled everyone
Sometimes it was like a drum around me into thinking that
beating in my head over and I was this awesome guy
over, for days or weeks on when inside I was being torn
end. I struggled with up by my Gender Identity.
depression, tiredness, just a
heavy heart. I had a hard I would like to diverge here a
time having fun, because little bit, to discuss a topic
when I was out with my that is near to my heart. I
friends I was jealous of the looked at marriage as a way
girls and fun they were to get my identity, don’t get
having. That started to me wrong, I cared for my
become a theme in my life, I wife when we got married
was jealous of females; their but my heart was in it for the
curves, softness, and what I wrong reasons. Since my
perceived as superiority over transsexuality was my secret,
men. I hated everything that I protected, I of course
about my masculinity; I had did not want to tell me
fantasies at times of fiancé. I was more interested
castrating myself and ending in protecting myself, than to
the control of testosterone be discovered and outed to
over my life… It was during the church. I look back on
all this that I met a beautiful this with a lot of remorse, as
woman, who was to be my a husband you are supposed
wife. I truly cared for her and to protect your wife and my
loved her, but I also was heart definitely was not
looking for an identity in there. Men, if you are living
marriage, although I could with sexual sin, I implore you
not express it at the time. to NOT get married until you
have dealt with it. As men we
I started dating my wife in are called to be the leaders
the summer of 2001; we and if leading for you means
were engaged in December to break off a relationship for
of 2001 and married in April a time or indefinitely in order
to protect the woman than Jesus snake oil to fix my
you need to have the guts to issues. This spiralled out of
do it. Please do not drag your control, and I really lost sight
fiancé through the crap that I of God in all of this. I started
have dragged my wife asking why and trying to
through just because you do research everything about
not have the guts to break it GID and the more I did the
off. more depressed I became. I
finally wore myself out in
My wife found out about my Spring/Summer of 2008 and
Gender Identity issues early gave in, I decided that
on in the marriage, of course medicine/psychology must
after our wedding. This have the answers and maybe
started a 6 year long like an intersex condition this
relationship, or lack of was just the way I was. I told
relationship with me my wife I was leaving and
fantasizing about being a wanted to divorce and
woman, not leading my wife transition to becoming a
and becoming more woman. I went out and
withdrawn from her. I guess bought supplies and women’s
it was not always like this, clothing that night, and went
there were times we were to hotel room. I won’t go into
close, but much of our all the details, but as I sat
marriage was characterized there in all my “feminine
by my issues and my glory”, reading on my
withdrawing and in return computer the stories of other
her becoming bitter. We TS folks I remember praying
started attending a church “God what am I doing???”
and one of the pastors And I remember this still
suggested that I go and meet small voice ask “Is this what
with a Christian counsellor. you really want?”, my
This period started really response was “No, what
good, I learned a lot through should I do?” and what I
this counsellor and John heard still rings in my head
Eldridge’s book “Wild at to this day; “Run!! Run back
Heart”. I really started to see to your wife.” So I did, my
the spiritual warfare side of wife being the faithful,
GID, the constant loving, and Godly woman
accusations, the heaviness in that she is accepted me
my heart, the depression back, and forgave me. She
that had always been with really showed Jesus to me,
me. I remember begging that even though I hurt her,
Jesus to take these desires she was thinking she was
from me; I was trying to use going to be divorced and
have to explain to our kids and I need to be female.” I
that daddy left. She was wrestled and wrestled with
going to have to find a job, this for hours. Finally I was
figure out where to live. I worn down and just asked
just through all of her marital God, “What do I need to do?”
security away in 6 hours, but The answer I got was; “Get
she took me back and loved your significance from me,
me… not from being female. You
need to follow me and love
In late December, early me more than this.”
January of 2009 I began to
struggle heavily again. My I went back home, needless
days became very dark, I to say my wife was totally
was depressed, feeling shaken, saddened and angry
anxious and panicked like by my giving into this. It still
what if I was supposed to be took several weeks, of
a woman all these years and wrestling through this issue.
I was living a lie. I went on a I was trying to fight what
business trip and by the time God was telling me. I still
I came back home I was just wanted to believe that this
done. I again told my wife issue was genetic, that
that I could no longer live somehow some where there
this life and that I needed to was some loop hole. I started
leave to pursue my “true life” reading an older website by a
as a female. I left my wife man who wrestled with these
that night and told her that I issues and decided that He
wanted to separate. As I left needed to stay being male
to go back out and check into for the sake of his wife and
a hotel I was feeling really kids. I have to say it was one
angry with God. I was yelling of the very few sites that I
on the drive “God, this is found that was not entirely
bigger than you. I can’t do pro-transgendered, but I was
this anymore, I am so tired encouraged. I went to church
of fighting and I just want to and spoke with one of the
live the way that my mind pastors; his thoughts for me
wants me to live.” I were that I had given up
remember God distinctly fighting the temptation and
telling me “I am your father was falling into a trap. I
and you are my son. You do started going to a
not need to do this; you need Redemption Group that our
to get your significance from church has developed. I
me.” I yelled back “No God I started to learn that
am done with this crap, this Transsexuality was my Egypt,
is ridiculous, I am living a lie my slavery and that God was
calling me out of that onto a from becoming conceited.
path of redemption. I learned Three times I pleaded with
that we as humans are made the Lord about this, that it
for worship. Worship is like a should leave me. But he said
hose that you cannot stop; to me, “My grace is sufficient
you can point it in various for you, for my power is
directions but cannot make it made perfect in weakness.”
stop. As humans we are like Therefore I will boast all the
that hose, we pour our more gladly of my
worship on God or other idols weaknesses, so that the
in our lives. I was worshiping power of Christ may rest
femininity and was ready to upon me. For the sake of
sacrifice myself, my wife and Christ, then, I am content
my children on that altar. with weaknesses, insults,
After searching my heart I hardships, persecutions, and
also realized that I was angry calamities. For when I am
with God, I think mostly for weak, then I am strong.”
not “fixing me” the way I
wanted. I wanted to pray the I am thankful for a God who
prayer and any desire to be pursues us, and wants a real
female would be gone and I relationship with us. I am
would be some sort of super- thankful for a loving, patient
man. When God did not fix and spirit filled wife, who was
me this way after years of righteously angry with me at
praying for it, I became times, who would not give in
bitter. to me, always prayed for me
and pushed me to pursue
So where am I now, I am Christ. I am also thankful to
fighting the fight, and the pastors and deacons of
running the race. I am my church who came along
working out what redemption side of me and taught me
in Jesus looks like for what redemption in Jesus
transgender people. Am I still Christ looks like.
tempted, yes, but I am
learning that I am fighting http://help4families.com/?pa
through the trial, with Christ
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by my side. I feel like Paul
when he says; “So to keep
me from becoming conceited Donna’s Story
because of the surpassing
greatness of the revelations, My testimony
a thorn was given me in the – Donna 2/17/09
flesh, a messenger of Satan
to harass me, to keep me I believe my testimony starts
very early in my childhood. I asleep in his chair and
had anything but a “normal she had enough to drink she
life.” My mother was a very would be up to my room like
sick person. She was an always. She never let
alcoholic who abused me me around family when I was
verbally, physically, sexually young so I couldn’t tell. I
and there was some started telling incredible
ritualistic abuse as well. I can stories at school anything to
remember her doing these get someone to realize
things all my life. There something was wrong and
were nightly rituals and when they would call to find
every night ended the same out what was going on my
way – my mom would get mom would get the call and
beside my bed and whisper tell them how I was always
that every thing that was making up these stories and
wrong in her life was my they would laugh it off. In
fault. Her pet name for me – the process she knew if I
Dumb Dora. My dad was ever told no one would
often out of town so she believe me – As I got older
was free to do anything she and more grown up she had
wanted. On the outside we developed a drug addiction
were the perfect family but along with her alcoholism
we were the opposite. From and she needed a way to
a very early age I sang to fund her addiction, so she
escape. I learned to began to take me to the bars
disappear into myself and – the ones with all women
singing helped. In school, I and she began to sell me
joined any music class I to fund her habit. I was
could, and excelled but my never allowed to date boys
other grades were awful. I much less show interest
didn’t care – I was in so in them. At school I didn’t
much pain and confusion – I know what to do…I was being
couldn’t understand how my exposed to this lifestyle in
mom could do those things the dark but at school here
to me. I felt that I was the were all these girls holding
only girl in the world hands with and kissing guys.
going through what I was. I I never went to party’s for
mean this was my mom… fear that I might be expected
The beatings came every to kiss a guy…I didn’t know
other week or so when her how. I know this sounds
booze money would run out stupid but my experiences
but I knew every night were never wanted, they just
the same thing was going to came to the car and did what
happen once my dad was they did…strangely the only
comfort I knew how to find therapy to the first time
was in this activity…some of and over came my need to
the women were lie to be in control. I met my
gentle…almost seemed sorry husband to be in 1987 and
when I would cry or plead we were friends for several
that they stop…but it always years. One night he gave me
ended the same. This went a bible…a friend told me, he
on for almost two years, till may not know it yet but he is
finally one night my mom got telling you what kind of wife
really crazy and her and my he wants. We got married
dad had it out and she left and I joined the church of
the next day – finally it was Christ but I had no idea how
over…but I didn’t know to be a wife (not a Godly
how to stop telling stories…I one) or a mom. I just tried to
didn’t know I was smart, intimate what I had seen on
I didn’t know I had value. I TV and what my Nana had
didn’t know God but I wanted done. Before long I was in
to know the love I heard a severe depression , the
about in the Christian music I panic attacks were worse and
listed too… All the songs all I wanted to do was sleep
about hope & being loved no and I didn’t have the
matter what I had done…but slightest idea of how to be
as I started to read the intimate with a man –
bible I got even more Michael had no idea of my
depressed, the things I had abusive past with my mom
done…the bible said these mostly because I locked all of
were an abomination to the the sexual abuse away – I
Lord….even though I had no just couldn’t deal with it but
choice I felt so unworthy. I it was coming back. After
knew he was at the door years of trying we finally had
knocking but I didn’t know Josh & then two years later
how to answer. At Eighteen I Amber came along. By the
started going to a small full time I got pregnant with
gospel church and gave my Amber my mother
heart to God and was had become ill with Cirrhosis
baptized. On the outside I of the Liver and was dying.
was living a normal life for At the end I retired from a
the first time ever but it was job with the State for Texas
an act. I was having panic to take care of her. I was
attacks…I slept in front of my with her to the end – her still
door in the floor so no one telling me how stupid I was –
could come in but How my husband would
the memories were there come to his senses and leave
haunting me so I entered me for someone better… but
the bible said we first I couldn’t close my
were supposed to take care door even. Slowly I started
of our parents…it didn’t say to work through all of the
to take care of them unless poison that had filled
they treated you bad….just my heart for so long. I began
take care of them….so I did. to accept that I hadn’t done
I was with her when she anything wrong that I had no
died. After that everyone choice in any of the things I
went home and I went to did all those times my mom
pieces. She died in October took me out….I was simply
of 2000 and in December I surviving. I was also able to
had my first nervous ask my dad about it. He said
break down and began he never knew and that he
having flash back, I thought I was sorry I had to go
was crazy but I tried to go through that. Soon after I
on like nothing was wrong. came home we lost our
But it was becoming obvious house and had to move in
I wasn’t OK, the with my dad. Up to now we
panic attacks were awful and had gone to a Church of
the anxiety worse…I did not Christ and I had longed to go
want to be in a crowd, I to a spirit filled church but
began to think about dying…I Michael wouldn’t hear of it.
even planned how I would kill We had visited church with
myself…then I found a my dad and I had even sang
Christian therapist. At first I with him a few times but
only told here about the Michael was not
anxiety but as I began to comfortable at all. The
trust her I opened up about Wednesday after we moved
the panic attacks and in with dad Michael said lets
I described one to her about go to church with your dad
the figure over me without a and a miracle happened. He
face, finally one time I loved it , the music,
whispered it was mom, still the people, the freedom to
being afraid if I said it out worship. We soon joined. My
loud I would be in trouble. dad was on the praise team
Then the fear and anger and I soon joined in. The joy
began to flood out and I that would well up in me
couldn’t stop crying or when I would sing was
shaking for hours, the great amazing. God was healing
secret was out. A few months me from the inside out
later I checked into a hospital already but the most
because of the suicidal awesome miracle of all was
thoughts. It was like jail, I soon to come. A ladies
couldn’t have my things at retreat was planned and I
wanted to go but couldn’t unashamed of my need of
afford it. Someone paid for complete restoration
me to go and they asked me until slowly the crying slowed
to lead the praise and and I felt a warmth unlike
worship for the retreat. As I nothing I have ever felt, a
prayed for direction in peace and felling of complete
choosing the music I just love and worthiness filled me
kept hearing “have peace, and I was truly happy. Later
be still and know that I am Gaye would tell me God told
God and I am greater than her He wanted to heal
anything you have me Himself but he could only
been through, My healing do that when I gave him
isn’t always instant but it is everything – every
ALWAYS COMPLETE” pain, every sin, every assault
The retreat was amazing I she gave me I had to give to
began to feel a peace I never Him and He took it
had before as I and replaced it with His love
heard testimony after and peace. I was floating
testimony I realized I wasn’t living without all the junk
alone in this inside of me. I was truly free
battle…Women people for the first time ever. The
everywhere from every walk son My Redeemer Lives took
of life were dealing with on new meaning for me just
abuse from their childhood the words “You took
each feeling alone and my burdens, I’ll rise with you
unworthy because of the I’m dancing on this mountain
things they endured. The top to see your Kingdom
last day of the retreat we come” I have been on that
went into a time of prayer mountain filled with His
and all the pain I had locked Glory. There has never been
away started to come up another day that I have
inside me…all the anger, suffered depression no
the fear of rejection and the matter how sick I have been
fear of disappointing, the or how bad things seem I
fear of loneliness just poured always remember how He
out and as I was sobbing … touched my soul and saved
screaming to the Lord I saw me. As I go through trials
the preachers wife going and loss I remember His
from person to person promise – My healing isn’t
praying healing and always instant but it is
peace….She went to every always complete. I have
woman in that room but been so blessed beyond what
me…I continued crying out to I deserve, my healing from
God uncontrollably out loud, depression was only one
of several including a healing My Testimony
from severe pain and healing
from a severe allergy to beef Two days after Christmas in
that nearly killed me and 1991, I sat my wife down
lasted over 5 years. He gave and told her about my life
me a husband who not only long struggle. I explained to
stayed with me but went her that I cross-dressed in
through the pit of secret ever since I was seven
darkness with me. He gave years old. I confessed this to
me a true mothers heart and her because it was
Godly women to show me taking control of my life. To
not everyone was like her. quote Bob Bennett “the thing
God I hope I can be an that was keeping me alive for
example to others that you so long was now killing me.”
can go to the pit of hell
and have God lift you out and I somehow hoped that she
fill you with love and peace. could rescue me from my
struggle. The opposite
http://help4families.com/?pa was true. In fact, I
overwhelmed Beverly with
ge_id=153
this revelation. I expected
her to understand it, and I
One Man’s Testimony didn’t understand it myself
and I had been dealing
Isaiah 6 :5 – 8 “Woe to with this all my life.
me!” I cried. “I am ruined!
For I am a man of unclean My childhood really was not
lips, and I live among a much different from others in
people of unclean lips, and my generation of the sixties
my eyes have seen the King, and seventies. I had a
the LORD Almighty.” Then distant, and sometimes,
one of the seraphs flew to violent relationship with
me with a live coal in his my father. I fought with my
hand, which he had taken two brothers almost
with tongs from the altar. everyday. I am the oldest of
With it he touched my mouth four siblings; two brothers
and said, ”See, this has and a sister. My
touched your lips; your guilt youngest brother, Bret,
is taken away and your attempted suicide when I
sin atoned for.” Then I heard was sixteen, he was eleven.
the voice of the Lord saying, He shot himself in the
“Whom shall I send? And stomach with my father’s 22
who will go for us?” And I rifle that was witnessed
said, “Here am I. Send me!” by my brother. Needless to
say, this had quite an impact I met my future wife while I
on my life. Bret did survive was stationed in Kingsville,
this attempt only to die a few Texas. She was a student at
years later in a car accident. Texas A&I. We met through a
He was sixteen years old. mutual friend while attending
a function of the Baptist
I joined the Navy right out of Student Union. I fell in love
high school. Not because I with her and married her
was patriotic, rather I wanted without sharing my personal
to escape from my family. struggle. I somehow thought
While in boot camp, I getting married would solve
couldn’t do anything right. A my problem. It did not! The
young strong Christian man opposite was true. I fought
from Arizona walked the the temptation to dress in
talk. By his witness I began my wife’s clothes. I managed
to see he had something that to keep this secret
I needed. Early one morning, from Beverly for the first
I stumbled into a prayer eleven years of our marriage.
meeting in the shower room
of the barracks. It was After I told her of my
around two a.m. A bunch of struggle, I became suicidal; I
guys were praying in came home from work one
their underwear. It was there day ready to end it all. This
that I accepted Jesus Christ scared Beverly and she called
as my savior. Now there’s a a therapist who was
visual for you. I was filled counseling us at the time.
with the Holy Spirit and She told Beverly to get me in
shared Christ with everyone. her office anyway she could.
A few months later my Beverly gave me permission
brother, Bret, accepted the to dress up as a woman and
Lord while I was home on she drove me to the
leave just a few months therapist’s office. From there
before his death. I was admitted to
the hospital. This would be
The Lord called me into the my first trip of three to a
ministry when I was twenty. mental hospital.
God wanted my obedience, I
wanted to be in the spotlight. Upon release from the
Needless to say, there was hospital, this first trip, I
a conflict. I still entertained called a crisis hot line in hope
thoughts of cross-dressing. of finding a support group.
My silent struggle with this They told me about an
sin continued. organization called Tri-Ess,
the society for the second
self. They told me about more chances I would take. I
their group. It met put myself in some very
Wednesday nights, and was dangerous situations and
called Cross Dressers came very close to getting
Anonymous. This turned out beat up. I thought this life
to be a support group that would make me happy.
encouraged cross-dressing. Instead I became
Beverly did not like the fact very depressed. Each time I
that I was interested in acted out I would take it a
attending this group. She step further to get that extra
gave me an ultimatum. If I thrill which would always
wanted to pursue this life leave me empty. I
style then I had to leave entertained the thought,
the house. I chose the that maybe I was really a
lifestyle over my family. woman, that God made had
mistake. My life rapidly
I immersed myself into fell apart.
cross-dressing and left God
behind. I was ready to give I tried very hard to divorce
up on God and my family. Beverly. We were in and out
of the divorce court seven
I quickly put together a new times, but she didn’t stop
wardrobe that most women praying for me. Through
would be envious of, and I the proceedings my lawyer
began to venture out to wanted me to see a
malls, bars, and gay bars psychologist. Her motivation
dressed as a woman. I for me seeing this man was
became intoxicated with this not to help me, but to be an
life. I was thrilled when men advocate to testify in
would offer me drinks or hold my divorce case. I went to
the door open for me. It was his office, and he
exciting to go to the mall as immediately sent me back to
a woman and not having the hospital. He saw how
people give me a second depressed I was. This was
look. Every now and how God lead me to the
then someone would figure it right path of recovery.
out, and they would just
smile at me. I made While in the hospital, this
friends with other cross- psychologist wasn’t so
dressers and we would go interested in my cross-
out together in Montrose, the dressing. He focused on my
gay section in Houston, for depression and I attended
“girl’s night out.” The deeper several group sessions. I
I went into this lifestyle, the recall one young man who
was eighteen at the time. He needed to learn how to be
shared how his father a father to my children and a
committed suicide when he husband to my wife. At that
was seven years old. I was point, I left Tri-Ess, and I
thinking about suicide said goodbye to my friends in
myself. At this time it was the group. When I told one of
the only way to escape this my closest friends, Chris,
war I was fighting with that I was leaving the group
myself. This point I knew and throwing away all of
that there had to be a my make up wigs and clothes
change in my life. I began to away for good, he told me
pray that God would deliver that I would be back within a
me from this life I month. I explained to him
was leading. Once I got out what God was doing in my
of the hospital after a two- life and that I needed to be a
week stay, I told Beverly that father to my children that I
I no longer wanted a divorce dearly loved. He began to
and I was going to work to cry and he told me about a
make some changes in my daughter that he hadn’t seen
life. I was able to get a part since she was a year old. She
time job at a Christian radio was five at the time living in
station in Houston. It quickly California. I hugged him and
became my church; the told him goodbye. I knew
music began speaking to my that I was not strong enough
heart as I listened to the at that time to be with
songs, “When God Ran” by him and not cross-dress. I
Benny Hester. This is a song still pray for Chris I haven’t
about the Prodigal son who seen him since that day. I
realized that his father still never went back to Tri-Ess. It
loved him. God still loved me was time to put “Renee” to
no matter what I was death. God began teaching
struggling with. me what it’s really like to be
a man. I would like to
God lead me back to church, tell you that God healed me
I began to attend The right away, but God’s time
Vineyard in Humble, was different from mine. He
Texas. They allowed me to still had a lot of work for me
play on the worship team, to accomplish. God showed
but I never shared with me how much faith I really
anyone my struggle with have in Him.
cross-dressing. It was a slow
process of recovery for me; Beverly and I reunited and
God had bigger issues to began working on our
take care of in my life. I marriage. We moved
to Bastrop, Texas where we came to work, I discovered
spent the next three years. I that this young man had
rarely spoke to Beverly committed suicide. My heart
about my struggle, and I sank. I never said a word to
never would dare share with this young man who
anyone at church. I struggled struggled as I had. God had
with the temptation to return gotten got my attention.
to the lifestyle, but
God would not let me go. Of I was scheduled to go on a
course His plan was to move short-term mission trip just a
my family to New Hampshire, few weeks later and my co-
of all places. Beverly and I workers had helped me raise
did not know a soul there, all the funds to go on this trip.
of our families and friends One of the first missionaries I
were in Texas and Colorado. met in Brazil was Michael. He
New Hampshire is where God and I instantly became
was going to teach me how friends. He was from Grand
to be free in Him. Junction, Colorado. I was
hurting so bad over the
I was working at the airport young man who killed
for one of the major airlines. himself that I could stand it
Like all airports there is a no longer, and I shared with
food court that had a Michael my struggle. He
restaurant. There was a didn’t laugh at me or judge
young man who worked me. He prayed with me and
there who would came to told me that God could use
work as a woman. I had me for His Kingdom. It was
plenty of opportunities to in Brazil where I finally
speak to him, but I never shared my testimony with
did. In fact I went out of my others. God had begun to
way to avoid him. I was set me free.
afraid that my secret with
Satan would be reviled to When I returned to New
the world. I was ashamed of Hampshire, I shared with the
my past, and I refused to leader of the men’s group at
share the gospel with my church what God was
this young man. I was one of doing in my life. I told him I
“those who walked on the needed to share it with the
other side of the road other men of the group. God
to avoid the wounded man.” I was faithful. He gave me
was playing church at the the courage to be open and
time, not walking the talk. real with this small group of
This went on for about two men. In return, they did not
months. One day when I reject me, but instead
embraced me with please kill me – please
encouragement and take me home, for I
support. To this day, they cannot bear to live
remain faithful to me through another day like this. If I
friendship and prayers. can never know the
overcoming life you talk
The Lord has brought Beverly about in your word then
and me down this long path. please just take me home,
I look back and not a day for it breaks my heart to
went by that God wasn’t sin against you and my
there. Everyday I was loved wife this way. My soul is
by Him. Today Beverly and I like a heavily fortified city
are leading a small group in – with no gates! There is
our church praying and nothing to prevent these
helping those who are dark thoughts from
sexually broken. God had entering my mind and
called me into the ministry heart. They wear me
when I was twenty. At forty- down – and wear me
eight I am really beginning to down, until I finally
understand that He wants my succumb; no matter how
total obedience. This is hard I try to fight them –
where I have found my they inevitably win.
freedom. Where is the victory you
promise in your word?
http://help4families.com/?pa Why do you not take
these desires from my
ge_id=157
heart? I want to serve
you as the man you have
Will you Trust Him? created me to be – but the
“mistress” of my heart
By Kerry Potter demands all of me and I
cannot shut her out of my
It was an early Spring mind. PLEASE LORD, JUST
morning as I sat on my front KILL ME!”
porch watching the sunrise.
I had not been able to sleep As I look back now I realize
much the night before, how selfish that prayer really
thoughts of all the failures was, but I also understand
that comprised my life were the state of desperation I
playing over and over in my was in when I prayed it. For
mind. I could feel hot tears forty years there had been a
in my eyes as I rallied all the battle raging in my mind
sincerity I could muster and concerning my transgender
then I began to pray, “God, feelings and on that morning
I knew I had to make a seemed to make me more
choice; do I give in to the miserable, but to lose my
desires of my heart and current wife and destroy all
finally find some peace, or do my other relationships with
I believe God and His word? family and friends – it was an
impossible choice. I did not
Deuteronomy 22:5 know what to do – I felt so
helpless.
“A women must not wear
men’s clothing, and a man A couple of weeks later I
must not wear women’s confided my situation to a
clothing. The Lord your dear friend and with the Holy
God detests people who Spirit’s help and lot’s of
do this.” prayer, he and another friend
began to gently instruct me
For as long as I can about the truth of my
remember I knew there was situation. They led me to
something wrong with me; I Psalms 139:13-16,
can remember looking at
myself in the mirror and “You made all the delicate
telling myself, “I hate you”. I inner parts of my body
remember the first day I first and knit me together in
dressed up in my mother’s my mother’s womb.
clothes and looking in that Thank you for making me
same mirror; how truly so complex! Your
“right” it looked and felt. I workmanship is
remember how deeply I marvelous – and how well
believed I really was a I know it. You watched
“female spirit” trapped inside me as I was being formed
a male body. in utter seclusion, as I
was woven together in
But I can also remember how the dark of the womb.
my crossdressing cost me my You saw me before I was
first marriage, and how it born. Every day of my life
cost me my relationship with was recorded in your
my three children and here it book. Every moment was
was now threatening my laid out before a single
current marriage. It day had passed.”
demanded all my time and
my money – it was According to God’s word I
demanding the rest of my was not a mistake! They
life. I knew I had to do also shared Proverbs 14:12,
something, but what? To
deny my feelings only “There is a path before
each person that seems that were out of control.
right, but it ends in
death.” Colossians 3:5,6 says this,

So much for relying on my “So put to death the


feelings! Then came Romans sinful, earthy things
9:20, lurking within you. Have
nothing to do with sexual
“Who are you, a mere sin, impurity, lust and
human being, to criticize shameful desires. Don’t
God? Should the thing be greedy for the good
that was made say to the things of this life, for that
one who made it, “Why is idolatry. God’s terrible
have you made me like anger will come upon
this?” those who do such
things.”
This was a hard truth, but
the reality was that I was not I had to face the reality that
a “female spirit” trapped my problems were not as
inside a man’s body; I was a special or unusual as I
confused man trapped in the thought they were, no matter
sins of idolatry and lust! My how much I may have felt
dressing in women’s clothes that no one could possibly
was only the evidence of a understand what I was going
much deeper and more through, the reality was I
serious spiritual problem. By was just a common sinner
claiming that God had made like everybody else.
a mistake and placed my
“female” spirit in a male body Even though I had received
I was actually saying that these truth’s into my heart,
God was either an incredibly they had not fully worked
sadistic God or uncaring and themselves out in my life
imperfect one. Who in their yet; from time to time I
right mind would want to would still find myself
serve or worship a God like dressing-up in female clothes
that? By my thoughts and and then purging them. But
actions I was declaring even thought I would fall
myself to be God, and my from time to time I knew
“feelings” had became my God had not given up on
standard of truth. Is that not me. There was so much
the classic definition of a “junk” to be dealt with in my
fallen man? I set myself up heart by the Holy Spirit. I
as God and then blamed Him had self-image issues, I had
for all the parts of my life pride issues, I had trust
issues. I had so many issues holiness and the power you
and so many hurts in so promised me in the
many places in my heart I scriptures. But most of all I
could not understand how really want to know you.”
God, or my wife, or anyone
else could even like me – let Then the Holy Spirit then led
alone love me. me to Matthew 16:24,25,

But the truth is God and my “Then Jesus said to his


beautiful wife do love me – disciples, “If any of you
they love the real me, the wants to be my follower,
scared and broken me – the you must put aside your
me that all to often shatters selfish ambition, shoulder
and breaks. God has also your cross, and follow
lead me to other men who, me. If you try to keep
empowered by Christ’s love, your life for yourself, you
were walking the same road will lose it. But if you give
as I and overcoming their up your life for me, you
sexual addictions as well. will find true life.”
Through the study of God’s
word I gained a new sense Then the Lord said to my
of self-worth; I started spirit, “You fail because you
seeing myself as He saw me. are fighting in your own
Even though change was not strength, and you surrender
coming on my timetable – it to your fleshly desires
was still coming. The Holy instead of surrendering fully
Spirit was busy untangling to me. If you would fully
and removing the lies that surrender to me you would
had been implanted so find the battle is already
deeply in my heart and He won, but if you hold on to
was teaching me what it was these things you will continue
to be a man – and a child of to fail – and eventually you
God. will fall. Do you really
want to be my disciple?
One day as I was reading my Will you trust me?”
bible the Lord asked me a
question, he asked, “My Romans 6:3-7 “Have you
son, what do you really forgotten that when you
want?” After thinking about became Christians and
it I replied, “I want to learn were baptized to become
what it is to overcome, I one with Christ Jesus, we
want to be done with this died with him? For we
cycle of sin in my life, I died and were buried with
want to live in the freedom, Christ by baptism. And
just as Christ has been finally being crucified and in
raised from the dead by their place is a knowledge of
the glorious power of the the faithfulness of my Savior
Father, now we have new Jesus and a peace beyond
lives. Since we have been understanding.
united with him in his
death, we also will be Yes, I know there will be
raised as he was. Our old some who will read this and
sinful selves were say, it is not possible to walk
crucified with Christ so free or to be happy denying
that sin might lose its oneself. Others will try to
power in our lives. We justify themselves by playing
are no longer slaves to word games and saying I’ve
sin. For when we died somehow misrepresented the
with Christ we were set truth of scripture. Others will
free from the power of try to justify themselves by
sin.” saying that I was obviously
never really transgender at
Galatians 5:24 “Those who all and therefore could not
belong to Christ Jesus possible understand the
have nailed the passions complexities of what I am is
and desires of their sinful talking about. But in the end
nature to the cross and it doesn’t matter what
crucified them there.” anyone else says, because
here I am – a living epistle
So, I obeyed the Lord, it was and witness to the power of
scary at first, but I finally the Cross of Christ, of God’s
invited Jesus to be Lord of all plan of redemption and His
my heart. I would like to say unending love for a lost and
I surrendered all the “junk” broken man. What He has
in my heart to Him that day, done for me is not unique –
but in reality it took time. To and the best news is that it is
surrender to the Lord and to available to all who will
live by faith is the easiest, simply ask. Do you think it is
yet hardest, thing I have impossible to be set free
ever done. It was easy from the desires of your
because, I knew down in my sinful nature? Do you think
heart, that I could trust Him there is a human soul that is
and it was hard because it is too lost to be saved? To me,
difficult sometimes to let go Jesus has answered these
of the things we know and questions and He has more
have become comfortable than proved himself faithful
with. But the end result is and true; but these questions
that the old desire’s are are not for me, they are for
you. Will you trust him? Will He never forsake me and
you walk with Him upon the never condemned me.
narrow path? Deuteronomy 31:8

Matthew 7:13,14 “You can He never left me alone and


enter God’s Kingdom only never made me feel ashamed
through the narrow gate. of my sins.
The highway to hell is
broad, and it’s gate is He encouraged ME to keep
wide for the many that trying to find answers and
choose it’s easy way. But mostly heal my soul.
the gateway to life is
small, and the road is
narrow, and only a few Hebrews 13:6
ever find it.”
He extended His hand to me
All Bible versus quoted from many times and helped ME to
the New Living Translation. stand up , then HE whisper
at my ear and said , DONT
http://help4families.com/?pa FIGHT THE FIGHT ALONE
BECAUSE YOU WILL
ge_id=723
LOOSE , BUT WITH ME
YOU WILL OVERCOME ,
Incomprehensible Love Romans 8:37

THE OVERWHELMED AND When “Shame and Unworthy


INCOMPREHENSIBLE “visited me many times in
LOVE my difficult season,,…He said
to me in church and during
Ephesians 3: 19. Romans Supper time, , “ YOU ARE
8:38-39 ALWAYS WELCOME TO SIT
DOWN WITH ME AT MY
One day a close friend of TABLE …… I AM WAITING
mine motivated me to write FOR YOU”. Revelation 3:20
this. During the past 20
years I learned and how get In my most lonely time, He
to know Him and learn what whispered in my hears ‘ I AM
HE pleases HIM . NOT GIVING UP ON YOU”

I failed my friend so many Many times HE VISITED me


times ( yes many ) BUT He and INVITED me to be with
always waited for me HIM in WORSHIP.
patiently and smile at me
.Psalm 40:1-2 One day I was walking in my
home then HE suddenly ge_id=718
whisper my ear and said to
me , “‘I want you to be with
Prayer Support
me in Worship tonight , and
by the way I AM going to be
“We are human, but we don’t
with you for a while…….He
wage war as humans do. We
paused then he smile at me
use God’s mighty weapons,
and the said , … what about
not worldly weapons, to
to spend eternity with ME?
knock down the strongholds
of human reasoning and to
HIS NAME IS JESUS AND
destroy false arguments. We
HE IS MY BEST FRIEND IN
destroy every proud obstacle
LIFE.
that keeps people from
knowing God. We capture
Closing Notes.
their rebellious thoughts and
teach them to obey
These words reflect my
Christ.” 2 Corinthians
experience and my walk with
10:3-5 (NLT)
Jesus in the past 20 years.
He is always the same and
Help 4 Families considers it
HE never expects anything
an honor to pray for you and
back.
your loved one. We have
dedicated prayer partners
He wants our honest heart
who understand the
mostly being humble to HIM .
importance of prayer and
There is nothing that exalts
have committed their time to
and pleases Him when we
bringing your prayer requests
spent time with HIM and
to the LORD. If you would
mostly worship HIM.
like someone to pray for you
and/or your loved one,
I don’t know where you are
please complete the
in your journey in life BUT I
form beloew and click on the
just want to encourage you
submit button. Please use
to stop for a moment and
the first name only of the
think about on HOW MUCH
person whom you are asking
YOU KNOW HIM?
for prayer.
With love to my partners ,
Prayer Requests
brothers and sisters in life
and for the Kingdom
 First Name (Required)
Karl *
 Last Name (Use initial
http://help4families.com/?pa of last name if you
want to remain by Denise Shick
anonymous) *
What was your biggest
concern when you were nine
 Email (optional)
years old? Was it trying to
memorize your multiplication
 Prayer Request facts? Was it that the school
(Required) * cafeteria might serve your
least favorite vegetable at
lunch? Perhaps it was
something more serious;
perhaps your parents were
 Add me to your mailing talking of getting divorced.
list? * Yes My biggest concern at age
nine was how to keep my
No daddy’s secret, the one he
revealed to me as we sat
http://help4families.com/?p
alone on the hill near our
age_id=650 home. My dad wanted to be
a woman, and along with
Why Are You and I Here?
that revelation he included
several sordid sexual details.
As a child I simply could not
understand why there was His confession left me
not a church equipped or a confused and hurt. I desired
support group available for to have a dad who would
my family. Through a child's love and cherish me—who
eye you view problems would make me feel special.
simply, such as...Why can we I wanted to try to “fix” him
not talk to our priest?...Why so he’d be the kind of dad
is no one able to help us? any normal nine-year-old
Another question was...Why would want. But I couldn’t fix
is there no one to extend him. And, as I soon learned,
themselves to help us? he didn’t want to change. By
the age of eleven, I had
http://help4families.com/?pa experienced emotional and
ge_id=650 sexual abuse by my dad. I
continued to keep my dad’s
http://pfox.org/My-Father- secret and mine locked away
Transgender.html deep down in my heart.

My Father Was a I began to reason that my


Transgender dad’s apparent lack of love
for me meant I wasn’t really
his daughter: he and my presented me with a Bible,
mom must have adopted me. my very first Bible. I
Often, when I was home hungered for the words of its
alone, I’d scour the house— contents. Every free moment
even the attic—for paperwork I had, I was reading the Bible
that would confirm my and devouring its every
suspicions. But my searches word. I knew I believed in
were fruitless. God, but did I have a
personal relationship with
My teenage years revolved in Christ? No, not really. It was
drowning myself with bottles through the time of studying
of wine as I began to look for the Bible that I knew the
a father’s love elsewhere, Lord was calling me to repent
each time coming out with of my own sins and to be His.
emptiness my heart. Time I asked the Lord to be my
passed by and I had become personal Savior. Yet my
15 years old. By this point I journey with my dad still had
had struggled with my own to unfold.
sexuality and my gender. I
had begun to seriously I was twenty-seven years old
consider taking drugs, but and married to Mark when
God had another plan. God my dad left his family to
had sent a friend named pursue what he thought
Mark into my life. Mark would bring him his long-
showed me respect and awaited dream life. I thought
always presented a genuine about him every
caring heart. During our Thanksgiving, Christmas, and
dating years, he could not Easter celebration. My
understand my cold shoulder birthday was on my parents’
attitude towards my dad. anniversary, so I didn’t care
One day after a date, Mark to celebrate much. I
parked the jeep in the school remember hoping that my
parking lot and said “I am mother would forget my
not going to take no for an birthday and be spared some
answer this time, I want to pain.
know why you dislike your
dad so much”. So I spilled Thirteen years later, I was
the beans, and guess what? informed that my dad was
He did not run the other way. dying from cancer. When I
Instead he listened and found out that he was trying
heard every word and feeling to reach out to his family, I
that I expressed. was upset with him. Who did
he think he was, deserting us
Soon after that Mark and then looking to us for
love and comfort? It hurt memories. I was able to hold
knowing that my dream of his hand and kiss him on the
my dad coming back into our forehead, and gradually, by
family as a husband, dad, God’s grace, my anger
and grandfather was about to turned to sympathy and love
die. I grieved many times for him. During this time I
because of the choice he was able to forgive him for
made of choosing his the pain that his choices
weakness over his family. My inflicted upon both him and
dad was not interested in our family.
seeking help or therapy for
his gender and sexual I was not surprised to learn
confusion. after his passing that he had
been in a homosexual
I visited my dad often while relationship. I remembered
he was in the hospital during the way he had looked at my
his last months. Seeing him boyfriends. As a child,
in a lady’s nightgown and however, I chose to ignore
slippers was difficult, as was the truth.
seeing all the teddy bears in
his room. I was shocked as I I knew his life was filled with
watched him remove his pain, and with little, if any,
woman’s underclothing. The happiness. The very real pain
nurses called Dad “her,” and confusion that is upon
“she,” or by his chosen people who struggle with GID
name: “Becky” And when is difficult. The pain that the
they did, I corrected them. I families deal with can seem
said “him,” “he,” or “my dad.” unbearable as well.
I looked at my dad with Not everyone applauds at the
sorrow because of what the end of the TV talk shows.
choices he had made had Some of us cry and mourn
done to him. over the loss of our loved
one. We mourn their losses
Throughout the lost years, as well.
while he pursued his elusive
happiness, he took hormones God had a lot of work to do
to grow breasts, and lived as within my heart and soul. I
a woman. If you had walked never thought it would be
past him on the street or in a possible to get beyond the
mall, you would not have anguish I felt and the
recognized him as a man. disappointment I had with
my father. My heart was
My dad’s final days at the hardened through many
hospital created many years of harboring anger and
sadness. I know now what Denise, I know I have done
God’s grace is all about. I you wrong in many ways. I
cherish the experience that I am sorry for that. But please
had on that last day with my "Don't throw me away,” as
dad as I tried to comfort him. though I never existed.
God did indeed work within
my heart and brought me to I believe in my heart I am
a place of healing. doing this out of respect and
love for my dad and for these
Help 4 Families provides the words he wrote.
service of connecting with
others who feel they are http://pfox.org/My_Dad_cros
alone or have a need for the sdresser.html
understanding of someone
who has “been there.” I have My Dad Was a
opened up my father’s life Crossdresser
and mine in hopes of
bringing a deeper My dad was a cross dresser
understanding of these when I was a child. This
issues. made me feel very
uncomfortable around him
As a child and young adult, I growing up. This confused
couldn’t understand why me with his role of a father in
churches were not ready, my childhood. I just wanted
willing, and able to support him to be my dad, a real
people dealing with these dad. I desired to have a dad
issues. The truth is, churches that made his daughter feel
should be safe places to special and loved and
receive Godly counsel and cherished. I remember
love while facing these rummaging through our attic
issues. Our loved one as I got older. I was secretly
deserves the truth, and God searching for adoption
expects the churches to live papers. I lifted everything
up to His standards. out of the wooden boxes.
Speaking the truth can be
difficult, but our loved ones My search came up empty
deserve the very best, which every time. I was determined
means presenting the truth that I must have been
with God’s grace. adopted because I really
never felt loved by my dad.
After my dad passed away I Every father loves their
had found this note that was daughter I thought to myself.
addressed to me from my I felt that no father who
father: loved their daughter would
treat her the way he treated
me, the way he would stare I would blame myself for his
at me and the personal behavior, I thought maybe I
information that he shared had hurt him in some way
with me. I looked many that helped to cause this.
times for the adoption papers Maybe I was a bad child in
that never existed. his eyes, maybe I was a
disappointment to him as a
My mother was in the daughter or I didn't love him
hospital for periods of time. I enough. Why is he really like
remember my dad taken care this? Boy did I ask myself
of the house and my that question a lot growing
brothers, sister and I. The up.
one time that really had
impressed upon me was In a child's eyes there is a lot
when he took the clothes in of confusion and frustration
the living room to fold. To living under these
see the enjoyment that circumstances. You are
seemed to come over him watching something that
was confusing. He was in his does not seem to be the
own world during this period natural normal behavior for a
of time. I remember father. I would watch for
observing him and thinking signs that would give me the
to myself that this picture clue that he was mentally
was not right. It was odd to feeling like a woman. I would
see him enjoying the role of be able to tell if his legs were
a mother. During this time crossed over ( That clue he
his mannerisms were just as gave me himself).
a real woman's. I could not
understand what made him He said "If you see me sitting
like this. with my legs crossed over
like women cross their legs
I felt like no matter how you'll know I'm feeling this
much I tried to love him, be way. I would watch him at
good or be as understanding work file his nails at his desk
as a child can be I could not sitting sideways being in his
fix him. Unlike Humpty won world. I knew what he
Dumpty who sat on the wall, was thinking because I knew
fell off the wall and broke my dad. I just had hoped no
into pieces and then be put one else in the office knew or
back together again. I felt suspected. If his bedroom
guilty that there was nothing door was shut for a long
I could do to fix my dad. I periods of time I would
wanted to fix him, to make wonder if he was dressing
him better and happy. up. As I look back today and
realize the hundred's of times Easter. My birthday was my
that I passed his bedroom parent's wedding
door suspecting, but not anniversary, so my birthday
really wanting to know what was nothing that I liked to
was going on behind closed celebrate. I always hoped my
doors. mother would forget my
birthday, I thought this would
I looked else where for what save her some pain.
a father figure was. I felt like
my dad could not provide a Thirteen years went by. My
father daughter relationship. father was dying of stomach
I had an uncle who was great cancer. When I had heard
and taught me what a father that he wanted us to know
should be like. He not only he was ill and trying to reach
loved his daughters, they had out to us I was angry with
a real father daughter him. I thought he had no
relationship with each other. right to come to us for
support or love after he
They could also be deserted us for his new life of
comfortable being girls a transsexual. Who did he
around their dad. I was think he was? Then I cried.
envious of my cousins to
have this type of dad. I I cried knowing that my
would observe friends dream of my dad coming
households to see how the back into our family as a
father figure worked in their husband, dad and
lives. Knowing my dad's grandfather was about to die.
desires made me feel I was losing my dad and my
uncomfortable being a girl. I dream that I waited for up
feared anyone finding out my until this time to come true. I
secret. I really regret not wanted to tell him "How dare
being comfortable growing you come to us now that you
up being a girl and my dad. I are in need". When we were
felt guilty and dirty about in need you weren't around.
being a girl. You were not here living with
the embarrassment, the
I was 27 years old when my shame you left us in. You
dad left his family to pursue were not here to help your
what he thought would bring family through the last
him his long awaited dream thirteen years.
life. During the period of
years he was gone I I visited my dad often once
wondered about him every hospitalized during his last
Thanksgiving, Christmas and months of life. It was
difficult. I'd seen my dad in a The way he lived grieved my
ladies nightgown, slippers heart for him. I was also
and teddy bears in the room. angry and hurt that he chose
The nurses would call him his weakness over his family
"her", "she" or Becky. I and did not try to seek
would reply at them "him", therapy for his sexual
he" or "my dad". disorientation. I had always
hoped inside that he would
The one memory I have that return to us as husband,
I felt so sad about was father and grandfather. He
watching him take his bra off. was after all still my father.
You are never prepared to
see your dad take his bra off. I learned after his passing
I looked at him with sorrow that he was in a homosexual
with what the choices had relationship. This was
done to him. There may be another dilemma to deal
the sad memories of him at with. Even though he had
the hospital, but also there passed on it seemed like
were some good. I was able another chapter of his life
to hold my "dad's” hand, kiss was revealed to me. I had
"him" on the forehead and questioned this to myself
instead of anger, sympathize growing up. Never telling
for the life he led. anyone of my thoughts. Now
the truth was there on pen
I was able to forgive him and paper.
before he passed away with
stomach cancer. To forgive I know I never wanted to
him of the pain that his know the truth. When I
choice's cost him and us. I wondered if he was gay or
look at him now as a man attracted to men I would
that lived in pain with little if refuse to go into deep
any happiness. Through the thought about it. It did make
years lost while he tried to sense why he acted almost
pursue his so called out of jealously when I
happiness. He was on started to date. As though he
hormones, he had breasts wished it were he going the
and lived the life as a date or going to the prom.
woman. He was living the life Now I had the answer to his
of a transsexual now. If you actions towards my
walked past him on the boyfriends.
street or in a mall you would
not known this was a man. It I also now have more
saddened my heart to see answers of my dad's root
where his choices lead him. problem that had helped
cause his choice in life. With want to keep it a secret. If I
that there is peace. There would keep it a secret, it
are unanswered questions would help no one. I have
now with answers. I meet joined a transgender ministry
people like my father, I pray with former transgender
for people like my father. I Jerry Leach called Reality
meet and pray for family Resources.
members going through this
situation. They are not alone. I have a separate e-mail at
help4families2004@yahoo.co
There are many of us going m . The service I am
though this situation. There providing is to connect with
are many of us out there. others who feel they are
Don't think the Gender alone or have a need to
Identify Disorder does not connect with someone who
exist or hurt people. Don't has "been there". I am there
think this issue is not to support them with
touching your world or won't prayers, personal support
touch your world. It is here. I and to make them aware of
am living proof of what it is the ministries, books and
like living with someone who web pages available to them.
was hurting deep inside with
the Gender Identity Disorder. I am hoping to take this a
step more forward. I am
I have shared with you what planning on being involved to
if feels like, really feels like equip the churches to enable
living someone who truly them to minister to people
believed he was in the wrong who suffer from Gender
body. Not everyone is Identify Disorder and their
applauding at the end of the family members. Also, if I
show as we witness on the find a need in my community
TV talk shows on the topic so or nearby I wish to start a
DON'T BE FOOLED! family support group.

Many years have passed I found a letter from my dad


since the Sunday my dad after he passed away. His
revealed to me the truth words read "Don't throw me
about himself. I am now 41 away". I believe in my heart
and a long ways from being I am involved in this out of
that 10 year old child. I had respect and love from those
hoped through life that words that my dad wrote.
someday I would be able to
help others with what I have "Cindy"
lived through. I no longer
frustrated. Please do not
misunderstand, I am not
trying to make this about
me, its not. My life is not
http://help4families.com/?pa about me, it’s about what
ge_id=847 God wants and asks me to
do. My goal is to live for Him
The heart of a Sister and Him alone. I just need
you to know that I struggle
First and foremost, we want like any other human. I know
to say we love you. But there I often try to hide it when
are some things we need to you are around and try to put
discuss with you. We have a smile on my face. So I
prayed countlessly for the believe its my fault for not
right words to say to you. being completely honest with
Please know that everything you, causing you to think I
said comes from the most want or can handle things I
sincere, loving part of our just can’t (like seeing you
hearts. We just need to be dressed transgender right
honest with you, like you now). I know you may be
have been honest with us. ready for all this change but I
We understand that you will am not, and I just might not
not like or agree with be able to keep up. I need
everything we are writing time, and I understand you
just as we do not agree with may not want or feel like you
everything you say or tell us. have time, you are doing
But we hope you can listen what you want, and that is
like we have listened. We are your choice. Please
truly trying to walk this road understand that there are
with you the best we can. We just some things I will need
love you no matter what, no to move forward at my own
matter if we agree. pace with, not yours. It does
not mean I do not love you, I
As your sister, I feel like you love you more than I could
are moving in leaps and ever say. Which in part, is
bounds towards your goal. why this is so difficult. I am
And I honestly cannot keep trying to figure out how to
up. I often wonder if you best love you and be there
realize how hard this is for for you while being an
me. I lay in bed at night example of God’s love for
unable to sleep, wondering if you. Cause not matter how
I am doing or saying the much I believe I love you, I
right thing. I pray for you, I know He loves you even
cry, I get angry, hurt and more. But please be patient,
I am trying to figure this out before, I have many close
as I go and just as I will not friends, and that we
ask you to slow down for me, definitely do not agree with
please do not ask me to major views and core values
speed up for you, I just in each others lives, but we
can’t. love each other despite any
differences,that is
We also need to talk about unconditional love. I do not
how this affects our kids and feel the need to surround
how we, my husband and I myself with only people who
plan to approach it with agree with me. That’s just
them. This is not something not reality. But I do need the
we want you to discuss with people in my life to respect
them. Sorry. This will be that we have differences, and
something you and I do not know our boundaries. Just
see eye to eye on, honestly like you wouldn’t want to
the topic transgender is bring a friend to our house
something we probably do and have us shove the bible
not see eye to eye on. down their throats, we
Therefore when we discuss it cannot have you come into
with the kids, it is a biblically our house and tell our kids
based conversation. We are something opposite from
raising them up according to what we believe.
the bible, and what the bible
teaches. We know our views We will never turn you away,
of the bible and yours of the no matter the choices you
bible will be different, but we make, whether we agree with
are firm in what we believe, them or not, we will LOVE
no one else’s opinion will you.
sway us. Though, we are also
teaching them the Laura
unconditional love of Christ.
Our home is an extension of http://help4families.com/?pa
our church, and we love ge_id=802
everyone, even is we don’t
agree with them or what The Late Great Mr. Me
they are doing. God loves
each of us in our family I lay here in the darkness
despite our sin, and He considering my options, do I
shows us grace and mercy follow what I know is the
everyday, therefore we are to truth or do I follow the
show that same grace and longings deep inside me. I
mercy to others, in all walks thought the argument in the
of life. Like I have told you core of my heart was settled
long ago – yet, here I am when life becomes more than
again in the valley of I can cope with. I have
“indecision”. Am I the man experienced so much pain
that my body testifies that I and loss in my life. Where
am, or am I the woman that was He when I needed Him
my mind and heart have for so? I just want to be happy –
years longed and cried out is that such an unreasonable
that I am. request? Is it wrong to long
to be an integrated human
Lord, so many times you being, to be able to look at
have protected me and saved oneself in the mirror and see
me from myself. You have the person that you believe
shown me that pursuing you really are? Is it wrong to
transition would cost me so be comfortable in your own
much more than just time skin and finally be at peace
and money. That it would with your image of yourself.
cost me more than the pain
of broken relationships with The simple answer is – yes, it
people I dearly love. It would is wrong – especially if those
even cost more than my life beliefs are built upon half-
– it would cost my immortal truths and lies. I know this is
soul. the truth, yet this very truth
seems strangely distant as I
“What does it profit a man — lay here in the dark
” Mark 8:36. I hear my contemplating which way to
Savior’s words reverberating turn. Then I hear your Spirit
deep within in me. I ask me, “Is your life more
understand the cost He valuable than the life I laid
demands for discipleship with down for you? Is your
him. I long to obey him and happiness more important
pay that cost with all my than my plan for your life? Is
heart, yet I still find rebellion your “suffering” as a man
deep down in the core of my really greater than the
heart. An unreasonable fear suffering I endured for you?”
again grips at my heart — My eyes open and my spirit
fear of really dying to Mr. Me, cries out within me – “my
of dying to my hopes and God, am I really that
dreams. Dare I even say selfish?” Painfully, the reality
dying to my all my coping of that answer strips my
systems and my lusts. heart naked before God all
over again – His piercing
The simple truth is I still find truth has left me with no
that I just don’t trust him to excuses! The Holy Spirit has
be there to pick up the pieces once again revealed Mr. Me
for who and what he truly is This page is for Christian
– and sanity has been men and their families to get
restored. another perspective on the
issue of cross-dressing. If
I realize that there can be no you are not a Christian, this
resolution of the confusion page will probably not make
and pain inside my heart as much sense and could be
long as Mr. Me is allowed to taken to be offensive,
survive and demand although that is not my heart
sovereignty over any part of in writing this. If you are a
my life. There is no good in Christian man looking for
him at all, he is simply a answers in how to deal with
selfish demi-god that can cross-dressing, or a
only bring destruction and concerned spouse or family
pain to all he touches. He member of a male to female
must be dealt a fatal blow by cross-dresser, I invite you to
the word and Spirit of God – read further and keep an
I must of my own free will open mind. So, you have
nail him daily to the cross. been warned.
———————————————
Lord Jesus you have saved ———————————–
me from myself again. By
faith I give you this There are some in the
“illuminated” part of my life Christian faith who do not
today – thank you for not understand cross-dressing
giving up on me when the and will condemn you. I
extreme selfishness of my know where you are coming
heart is once again revealed from and do not condemn
for what it is. Through the you. I am not a therapist or
power of your Grace, one day counselor, but I have “been
at a time, I will continue to in your heels”, so to speak. I
live by faith until Mr. Me is am now an ex-cross-dresser
finally no more – and only (heterosexual M to F) by the
the light of your precious grace and healing of Jesus
Spirit remains in my heart. Christ.

http://help4families.com/?pa My desire is to offer hope to


ge_id=780 those who are conflicted by
cross-dressing and their
Cross-dressing and spiritual beliefs. I am really
Christianity: A REAL Man’s not looking to debate, but if
Struggle you or a loved one wants
freedom from cross-dressing,
by Randall Wayne you might find hope in my
story. Feel free to email me was about five or six and my
if I can help you: mother would have me try on
rwayne2000 [at] gmail.com. clothes she was sewing for
my girl cousins to hem the
A Really Short Background In skirts and make other
or about October of 1996 I alterations. As I grew older
experienced an onslaught of and into adolescence, I had a
temptation and spiritual strong desire to try on
warfare in the area of cross- female clothes. I remember
dressing. This strong desire finding discarded dresses,
to dress in women’s clothes wigs, earrings, etc. and
was totally out of the blue, trying them on and feeling an
although it was something erotic excitement. I formed a
that I had experienced before strong association at that
in my life. At times, the time between wearing female
temptation was so strong clothing and sexual release.
that it was all I could think Later in life in times of
about. As a result, I could stress, I would retreat to that
not focus on the normal same activity to feel relief.
activities of life. Fortunately, This was my secret world
I found help and hope. Today where I could fantasize about
I can truly say after over 30 being beautiful and soft.
years of dealing with this,
“Thank God I’m free!” On the outside, in many
other ways I was a typical
I was an only child, so the boy. I was active in Boy
closest thing to siblings I had Scouts, worked on cars, liked
to play with were my girl to go target shooting, and
cousins who were close to was not feminine at all – just
my age. Of course, playing “a nice guy.”
with girls meant playing girl
games, like playing house Marriage Years In college, I
and dress up. So, the overall met and married a wonderful
effect was that I was raised girl to whom I am still
in a feminized environment married. In the early years of
where the female role was our marriage, my cross-
dominant and the male role dressing desires were only
was passive. In my inner occasional. I never told my
being, I found the feminine wife of my urge to cross-
role attractive, but modeled dress because I was in a
after the passive male image. state of denial. I really didn’t
see cross-dressing as a bad
One of my earliest thing, just an odd thing.
remembrances was when I
After we had been married I would be tempted to cross-
for a few years and had both dress again to relieve that
of our boys, the pressures of shame and so on.
work and family seemed to
increase my desire to cross- Eventually, I got to the point
dress. I would look for any where I just decided to
occasion to cross-dress, “white knuckle” it and quit
especially Halloween. On cross-dressing. Whenever a
unexpected opportunity temptation would come
came at a church banquet along, I would just ignore it.
where one of the ladies of I really didn’t give a thought
the church asked me if I to cross-dressing for two or
would dress up as Dolly three years. I managed to
Parton. This was a real treat totally repress any feelings or
because not only could I thoughts about cross-
cross-dress, but I could do it dressing. Then, the Lord
right at church! During these engineered what I believe to
years, I would feel guilt, be an incredible set of
confess the cross-dressing as circumstances.
sin, but eventually do it
again. I never really admitted The Spiritual Warfare We
to myself I was a cross- were happy in our church at
dresser. the time, but on the day of
our 19th wedding
A strange irony is that my anniversary, the Lord
wife is a Mary Kay cosmetics impressed both my wife and
consultant, with a whole I that we should move on.
closet full of make-up “But to where?” we
inventory right in my study wondered. We decided to
at home. I guess you might visit a new church much
say I was not really a hard- closer to home and we were
core case because I never so led by the Lord that we
took anything from her joined. One of the first
inventory, but I sure was sermon series was titled
tempted at times! “Everyday Victory for
Everyday People.” This study
Even though cross-dressing in spiritual warfare would
was a source of release, it prove to be life changing.
was also a cycle of guilt and
shame. Every time I would After going through the
do it, I would feel shame. study, my wife approached
The shame would cause me me one day and said that she
to feel even worse about felt a need to confess a
myself than I did before and stronghold in her life so that
she might be delivered. I me transformed into
already knew about her beautiful women, that I was
stronghold, and I said, “Well, really tempted to seek out a
since you confessed yours, makeover for myself.
let me confess mine.” In the
previous days, I had started It was at this point that the
to experience some of the old temptations and thoughts
temptations of cross- were almost constant. I was
dressing. I said, “You know I having dreams about being
struggle with smoking, but I dressed as a beautiful
also have another problem woman and those dreams
that I have struggled with all would set me up for the rest
my life.” At that time I told of the day thinking about
my wife that I had strong such things. It was hard for
urges to wear women’s me to work or do anything
clothes. I was also quick to else with these thoughts
say that I was not asking for constantly bombarding me. I
her acceptance or permission would even fantasize that my
of any cross-dressing. I also wife would go along with and
explained that the battle at accept my behavior. I was
that point was mainly in my truly deceived. I was truly
mind and that I had never staring to get concerned that
been unfaithful to her. She I might start acting out my
handled my confession very temptations in public.
well and said she would pray
with me about how to deal I was typical of many male to
with this problem. female cross-dressers in that
in all other areas of life, I
I decided that I needed more was masculine in appearance
information about cross- and actions. I also had
dressing, so I logged on to absolutely no desire for
the Internet and started relations with other males, so
doing searches on “cross- homosexuality was not part
dressing” and “Christian.” of my problem.
This proved to be a mistake.
I learned everything the It was at this point that I
world had to say on the topic realized I had a clear-cut
and I learned what the decision: either choose the
arguments that other ways of the world or follow
Christians had constructed to after God. I loved the Lord
justify the behavior. At this more than I loved the urge to
point, I became very cross-dress, so I made a
confused and deceived. I saw decision to get Christian-
so many images of guys like based help.
Coming Into the Light As I meeting with her, I did not
shared this with my wife, she know whether it was best for
suggested that I get me to meet with a male or
Christian counseling. Almost female counselor. As it turns
every resource I found said out, I feel that she was the
that cross-dressing could not perfect person to counsel
be cured. Even many of the me. I really needed the
Christians who had female perspective on my
testimonies on the Internet problem and also on my
told of how they knew that it relationship with my wife. A
was all right to cross-dress – verse that she shared with
to them it was not a sin, but me that really helped during
something fun to do. The times of temptation was
only resource I could find on Romans 6:21 – 22,
the Internet that dealt with
cross-dressing as a sin was “What benefit did you reap at
First Stone Ministries. I was that time from the things you
glad to learn they were in my are now ashamed of? Those
home city. things result in death! But
now you have been set free
The first person I spoke with from sin and have become
was Stephen Black. Stephen slaves to God, the benefit
was the first person to sit you reap leads to holiness,
down with me and show me and the result is eternal life.”
Romans 1:18-32. Although I
considered myself a mature Whenever temptation would
Christian and student of the come, I would remember this
Bible, this passage took on a verse and it helped me to
whole new meaning to me. ask, “Is this going to benefit
For the first time in this me?” The answer was always
entire episode, I saw that I “no,” so instead of simply
had been deceived by “the ignoring the temptation, I
lie” of the enemy. Stephen dealt with it in a rational way.
assured me that Jesus was
not a cross-dresser and that Around Christmas time, I
if Jesus is our model, then made a special trip to my
we should pattern our lives parent’s house to talk with
after Him. them. Although I didn’t share
specifics about my problem, I
After my initial visit with did ask many questions
Stephen, I started meeting about my upbringing. I
on a monthly basis with a discovered some things and I
female counselor – Kim also learned that some
Gately. Before I started events which were significant
in my memory, were not me during this initial time of
remembered by them at all. coming into the light was T.D.
One of the significant things Jakes’ book Loose That Man
that happened was hearing and Let Him Go. I found it to
my parents say that they be an excellent book in
never expected me to be helping me to learn what it
perfect. I think that growing means to be an authentic
up I has felt a perceived (by man of God. A foundational
me) expectation to always be verse that came to mean
a good boy, never to get into much (and still does) to me
trouble, always make good is
grades, etc. As a result,
there was something in me I Corinthians 13:11:
that wanted to rebel against
that expectation, but I never “When I was a child, I talked
did rebel openly – just in my like a child, I thought like a
private world. child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put
It took about two months childish ways behind me.”
before the voices in my head
started to die down. One I realized that cross-dressing
night when I was on a was like playing the childish
business trip, I had one game of “dress up” like I
thought too many and got used to with my cousins
angry enough with the when I was a child. Cross-
enemy that I resolved to get dressing also tends to be
rid of this thing one and for self-centered, with the cross-
all. I knew that I was weak, dresser expecting others to
but the Lord is strong. Under accommodate their behavior
the authority of Jesus, I gave even to the detriment of their
the enemy and his demons families. I could either stay in
their marching orders back to a childish condition or I could
HELL. move on and be a man. I
chose to be the man God
Soon, I started seeing things wanted me to be.
much more clearly. I also
was able to bring things out Learning to be a man
into the light with family, patterned after God’s plan
which really helped. The was a matter of learning the
more I talked about this with truth and modeling after
my wife, the more Jesus. I realized that a
deliverance I received. lifetime of being raised and
taught by women had
A major resource that helped unknowingly feminized me.
Actually, I think many men confused state, I liked the
today share this condition. I thought of being beautiful.
don’t mean to be sexist, So, I decided to do a reality
because certainly both male check at Wal-Mart one day.
and female models are While walking through the
needed for a balanced store I started counting how
upbringing. The problem is many people, both men and
that males and females women, were truly attractive.
approach life from different I still had two unused fingers
perspectives and being after the count! Admittedly,
exposed to largely the female Wal-Mart is not where the
perspective, I developed a “beautiful” people hang out,
gender confusion. but still I realized that by far
most people are average at
At this point, my wife best and some are just
ministered to me in two very downright ugly. I don’t intend
tangible ways. First, she to be mean about this, but
affirmed my manhood the reality is that beauty is a
verbally. This was powerful, fleeting fantasy for most
especially when having sex. people. I also had to come to
Secondly, she helped me terms that I didn’t make a
upgrade my wardrobe. I ravishing beauty when
think one of the reasons I dressed up, either!
was drawn to cross-dressing
was because I felt women For the next few months, the
get to wear more stylish cross-dressing temptations
clothes. One of the things we and urges died down
did was to buy me some new tremendously. Only every
suits. We got a great deal on once in a great while did I
some high quality suits at a think of cross-dressing.
local discount clothing store When a temptation would
and they really helped me come my way, instead of
feel better about myself. simply dismissing it or
ignoring it, I dealt with it. For
Something else I started example, I would examine
doing at this time was the thought and say in my
“reality checks.” A practical mind, “Lord, I know I am the
example of this was when I man you made me to be. I
reasoned through the issue know you love me just the
of my self-esteem. I had way I am. In the name of the
always seen myself as Lord Jesus Christ I command
unattractive and I think this Satan and his demons to
also contributed to the cross- flee.” This worked without
dressing urges. While in my fail.
Then, one Saturday morning these as things to consider,
I awoke feeling free for the not a condemnation.
first time in many, many
years. I know it sounds odd, True, about the only direct
but it was like an overnight reference you will find on
final transition happened. Not cross-dressing is in
only were there no cross- Deuteronomy buried in the
dressing temptations or Judaic code. If we use that
feelings, but also the verse for a reference we are
appetite for other fleshly on shaky ground because
actions were gone. I felt most of us do things like eat
clean and free. The only pork, which is also in there.
thing I can figure is that God Besides, the blood of Jesus
healed me in my sleep. has set us free from the law
to follow a higher law of
——————————————— grace.
———————————–
In my early struggles I
Some Common Questions reasoned that cross-dressing
Here are some of the basic was not a sin because
questions I had to deal with obviously men wear and
in my journey. They might have worn wigs for many
not have the answers who years, actors wear makeup,
want to hear, but to the best etc. Although each piece of
of my study and reasoning the picture can be taken
they represent a Biblical alone as harmless human
perspective. activity, when you combine
all of the pieces for the
Is cross-dressing A Sin? This overall effect of trying to
is probably the key question pass as or become a person
because if cross-dressing is of the opposite sex, you have
not a sin, then it shouldn’t be transcended into an entirely
a problem. You will find different realm. If cross-
differing opinions on this, dressing was simply wearing
many of which are a dress but acting like a
constructed by Christians male, then one could perhaps
(and non-Christians) who make the point they were
wish to justify cross-dressing doing a bad imitation of
as a harmless activity. I don’t Milton Berle. But if you follow
want to condemn anyone as the path of many male to
“sinner,” because I have female cross-dressers you
many other sins myself. I will find it leads to learning
also understand where you how to walk, talk and act like
are at. So please look at a female.
By shedding your masculinity approach. I’m talking about
and over-developing the leading our families as our
feminine you are stepping loving Heavenly Father leads
outside of the role God has us.
for you. This concept is even
more important if you are a Also keep in mind that
husband and father. It is very something can be a sin even
clear in scripture that God if there is no direct reference
has ordained a specific order to it in the Word. You must
for the family where the submit an issue to the “whole
husband is the spiritual test” of the Word. In other
leader. I know from words, is the practice
experience that you can’t be consistent with the overall
the masculine spiritual leader teaching of the Bible? It is
of a family and a practicing entirely possible to construct
cross-dresser without some all kinds of arguments to
kind of detrimental effect. justify a particular sin, even
One reason for this is that in the presence of numerous
the spiritual leader should be New Testament references
active and not passive. indicating otherwise. One
Transcending into the female current example of this is the
role or image is usually a justification of homosexuality
passive role. as Scripturally permissive.

Another problem is when The Bible also speaks to the


male children are involved issue that some things are
and the father models a permissible, but not all things
passive image. The children are expedient. So, we can
are likely to carry that image reason that some common
into their own marriages and sense and judgment is
experience all kinds of needed to make the call. If
difficulties. Personally, it was cross-dressing is a problem
very difficult for me to even in your relationship to God,
discuss this subject with my your wife, or anyone else
two sons, much less let them close to you, then you might
see me in the act. My sons consider it as one of the not
and I have a great so expedient things to do.
relationship and I am
teaching them the I consider myself to be the
importance of active kind of believer that could
leadership in the home. “eat meat sacrificed to idols”
Please don’t misunderstand and it not bother me in the
me – I’m not advocating a least. In other words, I am
domineering, heavy handed not a legalist. I don’t like to
live by rules alone, but some our appearance to cover
are needed to establish imperfections and to look our
boundaries. best (although sometimes
the modifications look worse
While searching for an than the imperfection!).
answer to the question of However, to equate this with
cross-dressing being a sin, I being completely
realized that I was looking transformed to look like the
for a black and white literal opposite sex is a huge leap of
answer in the Word that was reasoning.
not there. My reasoning was
that if the prohibition was not 2. It violates God’s ordained
there, it was OK to cross- gender role for a person –
dress. Later, I realized that God doesn’t make mistakes,
was the same attitude the but Satan can take small
Pharisees had in Jesus’ day – hurts and flaws in our
they would strain at upbringing to cause gender
observing all of the “must confusion. This gender
dos,” but they would create confusion can cause many
all kinds of ways to follow the kinds of relationship
law literally while breaking it problems.
in spirit. It occurred to me
that on this issue, I had 3. A cross-dressing father is
become a legalist! a confusing model for
children
Let’s define sin as missing
the perfect mark of God. As 4. cross-dressing is normally
Christians we know that “all a very self-centered activity
have sinned and come short
of the glory of God.” 5. It is not healthy for most
(Romans 3:23) We also know marriage relationships. True,
that “the wages of sin are there are some exceptions to
death.” (Romans 6:23) The this, but most women I have
good news is that Jesus spoken with on the subject
forgives all of our sins when indicate a) they want a
we turn to him for masculine male as a husband
forgiveness with a repentant and b) they don’t care to be
heart. in a virtual lesbian
relationship with the other
So, for me, I believe cross- woman as their husband.
dressing is a sin because:
The real test of whether or
1. It is deception – Yes, most not something is a sin is your
of us to some degree modify comfort level in doing it in
front of people you go to own spirit. I can only give
church with. For example, you my perspective. You
would you feel at ease must be convicted in your
dressing up and attending own spirit as to the right and
church “en femme?” If the wrong of cross-dressing
answer to this question is before you can change.
“no” or if you feel guilt over
cross-dressing, then it fails Is it Possible to Change?
this test. Most secular psychologists
will tell you that a cross-
I do know that for many men dresser might go into
who are in conflict between remission, but will relapse
cross-dressing and their during times of stress. They
faith, the compulsion to also say the same about
cross-dress is a spiritual homosexuals. I can’t give
bondage. You dream about it you my long term story yet,
at night, you read about it, but I know I’m free from any
you fantasize about it, and desire to cross-dress. I can
before long you want to go also point you to others who
public. I personally would have been set free from
spend many hours on the cross-dressing,
Internet looking at web sites homosexuality, and other
of other cross-dressers. areas of sexual brokenness
When anything goes to this for many years. Of course,
point of compulsion, there is the secular media usually
a spiritual stronghold. The doesn’t report those cases.
Lord is to be the center of
our attention and the object (First Stone Ministries defines
of our praise. When I was set Sexual Brokenness as:
free from the bondage, I Devastation brought about
could finally see the issues by behaviors outside of God’s
much more clearly. It also original intent of sexuality.
helps to have someone to These include adultery,
speak openly with. The more promiscuity, homosexuality,
you bring the issue into the lesbianism, sexual abuse,
light the less power the molestation, prostitution,
bondage has over you. It is a pornography, transexuality
very freeing experience to and transvestitism.)
“confess your faults one to
another that you may be Yes, there is hope! It’s not
healed.” (James 5:16) easy and it’s not quick, but
you can be set free by Jesus
Finally, ask the Holy Spirit to Christ. The first step is to
reveal this answer to your follow the Lord’s way and not
the world’s way. You must problem is that not many
repent of your sin and ask people are aware of this or
the Lord to heal you. cross- even believe it. I can tell you
dressing is a symptom of an of a transgender ministry
inner hurt. To deal with the that has over 500 regular
cross-dressing, you must first correspondents on
deal with your inner wounds. transgender issues.

In breaking the cycle of How Do I Tell my Wife and


compulsion, you will also Family? This is something
need to do spiritual warfare. that many cross-dressers
An excellent resource for this really struggle with. In my
are all of the Neil Anderson case, I know my wife so well,
books. The titles are found at that it was very natural to
the end of this article. seek her help. But keep in
mind, that I was coming from
Healing prayer, where your an attitude of repentance and
past and present hurts are confession. I would advise
healed by the Holy Spirit, is you to get Christian
how the Lord ministers to counseling in sexual
you. You will likely need brokenness issues to decide
someone to intercede for you when and how to tell your
in this area, but it is one of mate. You and the your
the most powerful ways to be family will need support and
healed. Leanne Payne has a Christian counselor can be
written a wonderful book, the person to help you
Crisis in Masculinity, which through the rough spots. You
describes the healing prayer will need to trust the Lord to
process. You can find or prepare the hearts of those
order the book from your nearest to you.
Christian bookstore.
Why Should I Stop cross-
Am I the Only One? By no dressing? I had a struggle
means! I don’t know of any with this myself. At first I felt
firm statistics, but if cross- almost a grief at giving up a
dressing is like any other fetish-like behavior I had
activity, the church is slightly clung to for comfort for
less than secular society in almost 30 years. I can now
terms of percentages of say it was the best thing I
people with addictions and ever did. My relationship with
compulsions. If this is true, my wife and family is so
then somewhere around 2 much better than it was
percent of men in our before I made the choice. I’m
churches cross-dress. The not proud of my past
thoughts and actions of popular web sites, you will
cross-dressing, but I am glad find graphic descriptions of
I made the choice to follow bi-sexuality and infidelity.
God’s leading in my life. What goes in our minds
usually works its way out into
Actually, stopping cross- practice. Ask yourself if this
dressing was a result of is really what you want in
dealing with all of the hurts your life.
and wounds of my past,
taking them to the Lord, and Many of us in the Christian
getting healing from Him. I community have grown to
had tried simply quitting see adultery as the “big sin”
before but it never lasted to be avoided. In doing so,
because I was treating the we condone other behaviors
symptom and not the that undermine the marriage
problem. As my wife has relationship almost as much
remarked, “I had no idea and are just as sinful to God.
there was even a problem in In cross-dressing, you can be
our marriage. Everything was “the other woman.”
just going along fine.” The
trouble was that I was living Consider what would happen
in my own private fantasy if someone found out about
world and not dealing with your cross-dressing. There is
reality. I was the spiritual great truth to the saying
leader of our family in name “Your sin will find you out.”
only. So, you need to give this
some consideration before
——————————————— your reputation is affected.
———————————–
Finally, and most importantly,
A Final Word Keep seeking God loves you with an
the Lord. He will reveal all everlasting love. You were in
truth to you and “the truth his thoughts when he created
will set you free.” (John the world. He knows your
8:32) In my victory over every hurt and your every
cross-dressing, I found it to need. When you come to the
be more of a truth battle as end of yourself and feel you
opposed to a power struggle can go no lower, God is there
with the enemy. to welcome you home. He
and the angels will rejoice!
Also, look down the path to
see where cross-dressing If this has been a help to
leads. If you examine closely you, feel free to respond at
what is on some of the more the bottom of this testimony.
If you are the spouse or a ———————————————
family member of someone ———————————–
struggling with cross-
dressing, please feel free to Bibliography These books
e-mail at the bottom of the have been particularly helpful
testimony. to me in gaining freedom
from cross-dressing and
The following verse describes related symptoms of sexual
my motive in putting in brokenness.
taking a stand and putting
this information on the web: The Bible Yes, I know this
one may be obvious, but it is
“Now the Spirit expressly really the foundational truth
says that in latter times upon which all else is based.
some will depart from the Scriptures that have been
faith, giving heed to particularly helpful in helping
deceiving spirits and me see the truth are:
doctrines of demons,
speaking lies in hypocrisy, Romans 1:18 – 32 Romans
having their own conscience 6:21 – 22 I Corinthians
seared with a hot iron, 13:11 Galatians 5:24, 25
forbidding to marry, and
commanding to abstain from Jakes, T.D., Loose That Man
foods which God created to and Let Him Go!, Albury
be received with Publishing, Tulsa, OK, 1995,
thanksgiving by those who ISBN 1-88008-915-7
believe and know the truth.
For every creature of God is This book is written from a
good, and nothing is to be non-condemning viewpoint,
refused if it is received with but is also motivation for the
thanksgiving; for it is man who is caught up in
sanctified by the word of God sexual things and is having
and prayer. If you minister trouble “growing up” in
the brethren in these things, Christ. There is a lot of good
you will be a good minister of advice in how to come back
Jesus Christ, nourished in the from spiritual death and
words of faith and of the some advice for family and
good doctrine which you loved ones on how to
have carefully followed. But respond and minister to their
reject profane and old wives’ husband and father who is in
fables and exercise yourself the process of healing.
toward godliness.” I Timothy
4: 1 – 7 Anderson, Neil, Released
from Bondage, Thomas
Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Bradshaw, John, Healing the
TN, 1993, ISBN 0-8407- Shame that Binds You,
4388-2 Health Communications, Inc.,
Deerfield Beach, FL, 1988,
This is an excellent “how-to” ISBN 0-932194-86-9
book on gaining freedom
from the bondage of This book is written from a
obsessive thoughts, secular perspective, but is
compulsive behaviors, very good about describing
childhood abuse and demonic the how and why people act
strongholds. Several real life out in shameful ways to meet
case studies are presented, needs caused by past
along with Anderson’s 7-step shames. There is good
process for recovery. information in this book that
describes what must occur to
Anderson, Neil, Victory Over turn toxic shame into healthy
The Darkness, Regal Books, shame and how to confront
Ventura, CA, 1990, ISBN 0- the inner voices that often
8307-1375-1 trigger the shame ritual.

This book deals with helping Crossland, Don, A Journey


you discover who you are in Toward Wholeness, Star
Christ and how to become Song, Nashville, TN, 1991,
the spiritual person he ISBN 1-56233-022-5
intends for you to be. This
excellent book also discusses Don Crossland is a pastor
relationship issues and how and teacher who has
to help others. experienced the painful
shame of homosexuality, but
Anderson, Neil, The Bondage also the powerful healing of
Breaker, Harvest House, Jesus Christ over sin and
Eugene, OR, 1990, ISBN 0- guilt. Crossland tells the
89081-787-1 story of how he had to resign
his pastorate and how he
This book is an excellent received healing through
guide to applying Anderson’s Jesus Christ. He also explains
seven steps to breaking free the root causes of why
of bondage from habitual people turn to shame-based
sins and thoughts. The book behavior to meet unmet
also explains why Anderson childhood needs. This book
believes that confronting the was very enlightening to me
enemy is a truth encounter in first coming to terms with
as opposed to a power my own sin and shame.
encounter. There are also a set of two
audio tapes, Releasing but on the inside their
Shame, that go along with thoughts are filled with
the book and can be fantasies and lustful
purchased separately. thoughts. A good book for
any man who is having
Gray, John, Men, Women, battles controlling their
and Relationships, Harper thoughts.
Paperbacks, NY, 1993, ISBN
0-06-101070-7 Payne, Leanne, Crisis in
Masculinity, Baker Books,
This book was very helpful in Grand Rapids, Mich, 1995,
helping me understand ISBN 0-8010-5320-X
gender roles and how
masculine and feminine are This is an excellent book that
different, yet a person needs describes why many men
to balance both in their lives. today do not know what it
This was also an excellent means to be truly masculine
resource for my wife and I to as modeled by the Father
work though as I went from and by Jesus. Payne also
a passive husband and father gives case studies of how
to a more assertive leader of healing prayer and healed
the home. and restored both men and
women from past emotional
Lewis, C.S., The Great traumas that led to
Divorce destructive behaviors.
———————————————
This small fiction book ———————————–
illustrates the gulf between
the heavenly life and the Contact Randall Wayne:
hellish life. A good book to rwayne2000 [at] gmail.com
keep perspective on who you
are and the direction you are
going.

MacDonald, Gordon, When


Men Think Private Thoughts,
Thomas Nelson Publishers,
Nashville, 1996, ISBN 0-
7852-7839-7

This book relates to men who


are living an externally false
life. On the outside,
everything might seem fine,
I had taken to heart the same old
storylines of being a woman trapped in
a man's body. I also had heard that
gender is a psychological construct
and that transitioning to female was a
journey to my true self. My unrealized
soul became consumed with a
misdirected vision by altering the
outward physical appearance. I
believed it to be a remedy for my
internal gender confusion.
Speaking on Post SRS Regret
I had become blinded to the
From Someone Who knows deception and long term
What We Have Gone Through consequences. I had made life
Emotionally, Spiritually and altering decisions based on my
Physically mixed emotions ranging from
selfish narcissism to self- hatred.
To my peril I became part of the
heavily promoted culture shift in the I had harmed not only myself, but
western society that has largely loved ones and friends. Obsessed
discarded Judeo Christian beliefs for with buying women's clothes and
Darwin inspired evolution, secular makeup, taking female sex
emerging liberalism, subjectivity, hormones, electrolysis, legal name
tolerance, and relativity. Tragically and identity change. I had cross
people have come to believe that lived full time as a woman, attending
same sex and transgender psychiatric assessments and finally
behaviors are to be natural sex reassignment surgery.
alternates of human sexuality.
Sadly many transgender people are
I listened to decades of advocates coming to realize as I have that
and lobbyists aided by the corrupted living life as the opposite sex results
mass media force-feeding one sided in being impeded by an increasingly
sympathetic views portraying amplified awkward true introverted
homosexual & transgender persons self-complete, with inferiority
as victims of a hateful and intolerant complexes and confusion. My post
society. Sadly many including myself sex reassignment surgery was
believed activists, peers, and the initially” mission accomplished". The
mainstream media while refusing to journey was completed. However;
consider any contrary evidence or slowly reality began to set in as I
testimonies. was having emotional
difficulties. I had become I also had found another reference
psychologically paralyzed in a that spoke to me Deut.22:5 “A woman
prison of fear and unable to adapt shall not wear anything that pertains
in my "new" gender. to a man, nor shall a man put on a
woman’s garment, for all who do so
I had been hormonally and surgically are an abomination to the LORD your
altered. I had become legally the God”. Deut.22:5
opposite sex. However; I began
feeling like a "twisted pretzel", with As I continued to search I found
seemingly inescapable moral & the following verse as well. He
emotional burdens of guilt and that is emasculated shall not
responsibility. I knew I was not a enter into the congregation of
woman and began to feel as if I was the LORD. (Deut 23:1)
a manufactured counterfeit imposter.
There it is, God's Words. An
I felt like a fugitive on the run living arrow of divine truth piercing my
in continual fear of discovery, awakening soul completely
shame, embarrassment, and opposite to that of modern day
humiliation. I had found myself to secular human views.
be middle aged, alone, sad, and
unable to advance in my personal I began feeling as if God would
life, or able to gain supplemental never forgive me, but as I continued
employment. At times I had wished with my bible, I had found a verse
for an end to my misery. that I could relate to….F or there
were some eunuchs which were so
Where Do We Go From Here born from their mother's womb: and
Now That We know this Was there are some eunuchs, which were
Not of God ? made eunuchs of men: and there be
eunuchs which have made
The feelings of failure had been the themselves eunuchs for the kingdom
beginning of a spiritual awakening of heaven's sake. He that is able to
and a realization of my eternal soul. I receive it let him receive it (Matthew
had become drawn to the potent fire 19:12). As a post SRS I felt like a
and brimstone puritan Calvinistic eunuch; having been emasculated
preaching. I had a strong desire to and assumed I had committed an
know God's absolute truth no matter unforgiveable sin fully deserving of
how awful or compelling it may of death, eternal punishment, and hell.
sounded to me.
“God created man in his own image, Then I had read Acts 8:27&28,36-39
in the image of male and female the Ethiopian eunuch was reading the
created he them”. Gen 1:27 book of Isaiah when the angel of the
Lord sent Philip to convert him
in what may be called the Greatest God's Blesses by Revealing
Miracle in the Desert and it was the Absolute Truth and His Grace
same book of Isaiah that Philip and Mercy
used in preaching to the eunuch
and leading the eunuch to Christ. God has blessed me to of been
Circumstances of this amazing fortunate that my late father,
conversion excite our admiration of mother, and my siblings loved me
the Providences of God such as despite the hurt and confusion I
the conversion of Paul on the road had caused them.
to Damascus. Consistently I am
currently in the book of Isaiah as God has opened my eyes and
part of my bible-reading plan. softened my heart to His word. I
know He desires of me to be a
I had discovered that Jesus Christ had witness to His grace and the truth.
plans for me and all who believe. It’s God had led me subsequently to
not instant faith healing, or an instant Help 4 Families ministry. Help 4
miraculous transformation but a Families is a wonderful example of
process of becoming God centered how He displays grace and mercy
instead of self-centered. Knowing and through His people. Help 4 Families
understanding God's truth is has afforded me an opportunity to be
necessary to understand His grace part of God's plan to be a witness to
and mercy. Opening my mind to His grace and truth writing my own
acknowledge Transsexualism was a words sharing my very painful
sexual sin warring against my never testimony with tears and humility.
dying soul, and asking for forgiveness They loved me right where I was.
instead of rebelling against the truth,
Jesus paid the penalty for all of my God's hand has guided me to an old-
sins on the cross at Calvary. fashioned fundamental local worship
church that is a bible believing. We
sing traditional hymns and have
I have a heart to know God, as a teachings only from God's words.
sinner penitient (being humble) with This church does not compromise
feeling contrite (expressing my sincere His truth. The local church family
remorse). I mourned over my sins, cares for each other and shares
and learned how to set aside pride, the joy with believing in the Lord.
vanity, feelings, sensibilities, and not
to be offended by any of Gods laws
and commandments.
Instead of the endless external searches for life's meanings, the Spirit of Truth is my anchor for
my soul and has lead me to the focus on eternal life, not temporal living.

I know one day the Lord is going to restore everything to right and He has given believers
such as myself new light, hope and optimism for a very bright future.

As Charles Spurgeon said: “If thou receive not His perfect, unrivalled blood-washing, thou art
no Christian. Whatever be thy profession, whatever thy supposed experience, whatever thy
reformation, whatever thou mayst have attempted or accomplished, if thou hast never come
as a guilty one, and seen thy sin laid upon the bleeding Son of God, thou art in the gall of
bitterness and in the bond of iniquity. ... Without faith in the atonement thou canst have no part
in Christ” (C.H.S., Sermons, 16, 220 & 223).

It is my prayer that you know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and the love He has for you.
Beck

265
Help 4 Families Ministry
P.O. Box 755
Waynesville, NC 28786

Email: help4families2004@yahoo.com Web


www.help4families.com

266

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