the office

Secretary's Day

by
Tim Sutherland

625 W. Warkentin Ct. Upland, IN 46989

765-506-6301
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 1.

COLD OPEN

1 FADE IN: 1

2 INT. OFFICE - PAM’S DESK - D1 2

Employees at Dunder Mifflin slowly make their way into the

building, heading towards their cubicles. PAM enters,
hanging her coat on the coat rack. On her desk, the message
light is blinking on the phone. She pushes the button to
listen.

MICHAEL
(on message)
Hey...Pam, It’s Michael. It’s about
5:35 Tuesday night, hope you get this
before tomorrow. Anyway, tomorrow
morning when I get back I’ve got
something special planned. Oh, don’t
tell anyone.

Those who have already arrived give each other odd looks,
knowing Michael didn’t realize that everyone would obviously
hear his message.

Pam looks at her calendar and smiles. In small print on

today’s date it says Secretary’s Day.

PAM (V.O.)
Today is Secretary’s Day.

3 PAM TALKING HEAD 3

PAM
I guess you could say it’s my one
chance to be recognized for what I do
around here. Michael almost never
thanks me.

4 INT. OFFICE - D1 4

MICHAEL enters the building and heads for his office.

MICHAEL
Pam, can you come over here please?

Michael sets his things inside his door as PAM walks over
excitedly.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(to everyone in the office)
Does anybody know what day today is?

Nobody says anything.

 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 2.

5 MICHAEL (CONT’D) 5
It’s Hump day.

Pam’s smile fades quickly.

END OF COLD OPEN

 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 3.

ACT ONE

5 FADE IN: 5

6 INT. OFFICE - DAY - D1 6

DWIGHT walks in, looking at MICHAEL as he catches just the

last part of his Hump Day announcement.

DWIGHT
Why didn’t anyone decorate for Hump
Day?

MICHAEL
Do you know what Hump Day is?

DWIGHT
No, but we should have done something.

Dwight looks around at everyone, waiting for them to agree.

MICHAEL
No...Dwight, Hump Day is Wednesday.
Every Wednesday is Hump Day.

Michael claps his hands together.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(to all)
And, to help us get over that hump and
rolling towards the weekend, I’m
introducing a bi-weekly meeting where
a member of this office can share a
hobby or skill with us. I’ll start.
See you all in the conference room
right after lunch.

STANLEY and OSCAR look at each other, confused. Oscar

shrugs.

PAM now has now become totally deflated.

Michael looks around, expecting to see wild excitement.

Nobody reacts, so he walks into his office.

7 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 7

Halfway inside the door, MICHAEL motions PAM to come inside.

He pushes it open a little further, waits for her to enter,
and closes it.

MICHAEL
I hope you got my message.
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 4.

Pam starts to speak but is cut off before she says anything.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
I really want this day to be special.
I’m really, really...really excited
about this Hump Day thing. So, can
you set up the conference room for me?
The projector with the laptop, coffee,
cups, napkins, and doughnuts will do.

Pam silently nods her head and walks out, slowly closing the
door behind her. Michael crosses his arms and leans back on
his desk, smiling at himself.

Through the window, DWIGHT can be seen watching Pam leave.

He waits a short moment before bursting through the door into
Michael’s office, leaving it open.

DWIGHT
(upset)
Michael, as Assistant Regional Manager
for this branch, I demand to know if
there have been any major personnel
decisions made during your 2 day
conference with Jan.

MICHAEL
Assistant “to” the...

DWIGHT
(cutting him off)
No Michael. You know that changed
about a month ago when you promoted me
from Assistant “to” the Regional
Manager to Assistant Regional Manager.

8 MICHAEL TALKING HEAD 8

MICHAEL
Sometimes I think that was a mistake.
You know, sometimes the power gets to
his head a little bit.

9 INT. HALLWAY - DAY - D1 9

PAM is walking from her desk to the storage room. She opens
the door and turns on the light, revealing a large, old 3-
color projector on a cart.
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 5.

10 PAM TALKING HEAD 10

PAM
(in low spirits)
I found out that Secretary’s Day is
just the last Wednesday in April. I
guess that means that it’s always on
Hump Day.

11 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - DAY - D1 11

MICHAEL continues talking with DWIGHT.

MICHAEL
Dwight, it was just an annual meeting
with Jan and the other Regional
Managers. Nobody’s getting fired.
Especially not Pam.

DWIGHT
Then why was she in here with the door
closed?

MICHAEL
All part of the Hump Day festivities.
Can you feel it?

Dwight looks at him with a threatening and intensely

intrigued look, not at all amused. Michael shifts his
weight, looking out the window at the other employees working
in their cubicles.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(quietly)
Close the door.

Dwight hurriedly does so. Michael is taking his seat, so

Dwight excitedly pulls himself into the chair opposite
Michael.

Dwight leans forward, his voice growing slightly louder as he

speaks.

DWIGHT
And this week’s Hump Day topic is...

MICHAEL
Two words: E-bay.

DWIGHT
You use Ebay?
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 6.

MICHAEL
Yeah, I just signed up yesterday. I
was actually just about to make a
purchase.

DWIGHT
You should be careful...

Michael continues as if Dwight said nothing.

MICHAEL
I’m also going to start selling too.
The wave of the future.

DWIGHT
(still trying to give advice)
Did you check his feedback?

12 INT. OFFICE - PAM’S DESK - D1 12

PAM walks by her desk and looks around the office, seeing
that everyone is talking about Michael’s idea. There are
groups of two or three all around talking in hushed tones.

Pam has nobody to talk to, so she sets down the box of paper
coffee cups in her hand and looks down at the phone. She
picks up the receiver.

13 INT. OFFICE - D1 13

RYAN and KELLY stand near her desk. Kelly talks excitedly
while Ryan is looking around the office, almost oblivious to
what she says.

KELLY
And, like, I’m just so, so excited, I
love when we get to do things like
this. We get to know each other, and

RYAN
(looking at the floor)
Well how many times have we done this?
Some of us actually try to be
productive.

KELLY
Yeah, but when we learn about each
other, it builds teamwork!
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 7.

14 INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTANT’S DESKS - D1 14

OSCAR, STANLEY, and ANGELA are at their desks. Angela is

upset that the other two aren’t working. Instead of saying
anything, she just gives them harsh looks, which they ignore.

OSCAR
Why does he like the conference room
so much? How many pointless hours
have we spent in there?

STANLEY
If it’s bi-weekly, how is that even
supposed to cheer us up toward the
weekend if it’s not every week?
Nobody’s going to get any work done.
That’s all will accomplish.

Angela finally decides to say something. There is a faint

sound of a phone ringing in the distance.

ANGELA
That’s not true. Jim is out there
working hard all day. At least
something will get accomplished.

15 INT. OFFICE - JIM’S DESK 15

The phone on Jim’s Desk rings one last time.

ANGLE ON: PAM smiles slightly at the camera with the phone by
her ear.

BACK TO: Jim’s voice mail picks up, and Pam leaves a message.

PAM
(whispering through phone
speaker)
Hey, Jim. I know you’re not here, I
just don’t want to forget to tell you
how much you’re missing here. Uh, Ok,
talk to you later.

Nobody in the office heard the message. Pam’s smile lingers

for a moment, then fades as she picks the box up again.

16 EXT. PARKING LOT - D1 16

JIM Parks his company car in the lot of a typical corporate

building that houses many businesses. He reaches over to the
front seat, grabs his briefcase, and gets out. After
shutting the door and locking it with the remote, he
straightens his tie and heads toward the building.
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 8.

17 JIM TALKING HEAD 17

JIM
Kinda different than a normal day for
me, I guess. No jokes, no pranks, no
wasting time. I’m out here, doing an
actual job.

A small smile works its way across his face.

JIM (CONT’D)
Must be the “real world” that they
always talked about.

18 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY - D1 18

JIM continues walking and enters the building. Through the

glass doors he is seen asking a quick question at the front
desk before getting on the elevator.

JIM (V.O.)
(continued from talking head)
And what’s surprising is, I think I
might actually like it. As in enjoy
what I do. Enjoy working.

The elevator doors close.

19 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - DAY - D1 19

MICHAEL and DWIGHT are both huddled behind Michael’s Desk.

Michael is in his chair while Dwight is behind him, leaning
over and pointing at the screen. They communicate by
pointing and nodding only.

20 DWIGHT TALKING HEAD 20

DWIGHT
(matter-of-factly)
I’ve been using Ebay for 2 years now.
I’m practically an expert. I never
registered for an official account,
but I guarantee I could bid the
average user right out of his chair.

21 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - DAY - D1 21

In the same position, DWIGHT is now fully showing his

enthusiasm while MICHAEL is just starting to become visibly
excited. Dwight becomes frantic.

DWIGHT
Refresh, refresh.
 THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 9.

Michael repeatedly clicks the mouse button.

DWIGHT (CONT’D)
(counting down)
4...3...2...1.
(completely serious)
OK. Refresh it one more time.

Michael does. As the page loads, Michael nervously chews on

his fingernails. The page finishes loading.

Dwight looks Michael dead in the eye, slightly nodding his

head.

DWIGHT (CONT’D)
You got it.

A beat. Michael reacts, suddenly realizing that he has won

the auction. He jumps up out of the chair, pushing Dwight
out of the way slightly as if he doesn’t know he’s there.
Both begin yelling as Michael runs in circles in the tiny
office while Dwight jumps up and down, pumping his fists.

22 MICHEAL TALKING HEAD 22

MICHAEL
You know, this is fun, really fun.
You know, when I was growing up,
before we had the internet, I would
never dream that I could do this at
work.

23 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - DAY - D1 23

MICHAEL and DWIGHT continue their celebratory dancing.

PAM opens the door partway, peeking her head in, and Dwight
and Michael awkwardly stop what they are doing. Pam acts as
if she saw nothing.

PAM
Michael, Jan just left a message for
you.

MICHAEL
Why didn’t you answer the phone?

PAM
(not amused)
Um, I was working on setting up the
conference room for the celebration.
THE OFFICE "Secretary's Day" 10/19/06 10.

MICHAEL
(smiling)
Oh, great. Well then, what did she
want?

PAM
She wanted you to call her back and
talk to her about the progress you
made on the two things you talked
about earlier this week.

MICHAEL
OK, thanks.

Pam gives a quick glance to the camera before she closes the
door behind her.

A beat. Michael has a big smile on his face, while Dwight

looks at him, expecting him to say something.

DWIGHT
Aren’t you going to call her?

MICHAEL
I’ll wait until after the festivities.