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FACEBOOK WARS
EARTH TO HANNAH This is for my daughter Hannah andmore importantlyfor all her friends on Facebook who thought that her little rebellion was cute. I'm guessing most parents out there like to think that their kids dont post bad things on Facebook. I hate to break it to you, but they do. You just haven't found out yet or haven't bothered to check. Let me read you a post I took off my daughter's Facebook wall the other day. In it she complains about being treated like a slave by her mom and me. Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. Obviously Hannah didn't expect us to see the post. She figured she was smart enough to keep it hidden from us. Well, honey, you have made the mistake of underestimating your opponent. I spent about 6 hours today fixing your computer (spending almost $200 on software upgrades in the process) and while I was at it I came across the post that you didnt think I would be able to see. You really should know better by now. Weren't you recently grounded for 3 months for doing something similarly stupid? You were supposed to learn your lesson and move on. Instead, you just go and get yourself back in trouble. What's wrong with you, young lady? I mean, what on earth were you thinking? I would have thought that someone who has a father that works in IT for a living would have enough sense not to do it again. Oh well. That post by the way is incredibly offensive and misleading. Anyone reading it will get the wrong impression about our family. But I don't suppose that worries you. Just so you know, your mother and I are both very disappointed with you. Seems like we didn't do a good enough job raising you. But we really don't have anyone else to blame for the way you turned out. Anyway, back to that post. Since you want to hide it from everyone, Im gonna punish you by doing the exact opposite. That's right, I'm going to share your post with everyone I know so

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they can all see what an ungrateful little brat you are. Hopefully, that'll teach you not to mess with your old man. TO MY PARENTS I'm not your damn slave. Get it into your heads already and stop treating me like one. We have a cleaning lady for a reason. Her name is Linda, not Hannah. You need to get some chores done, that's who you callLinda. She gets paid to do this stuff. I don't. I'm sick and tired of picking up after you. So if you walk in the house in muddy boots and get mud all over the floor that I just mopped, be my guest, but don't make me clean it up. If you want coffee, how about you get off your ass and make it yourself? It's not that hard, you know. I've been doing it since I was ten. Another thing. If you want a nice-looking garden that you brag about to your lame friends, I suggest that you do all the watering, weeding and lawn-mowing yourselves. Not to mention shoveling the awful stuff that makes veggies grow faster. The smell of it makes me want to puke. Don't just sit back on your ass and watch me do it. Grab a shovel and get to work. And by the way, you might wanna watch out because I don't think I'm going to put up with this much longer. One of these days I'm gonna snap. That's right, I'm going to get even. Like, next time you holler at me to go pour you a cup of coffee because you can't be bothered to get up and do it yourself, I'll flip out and smash it against the wall or throw it in your face. Oh yeah, it'll be ugly. Don't say that you haven't been warned.
c u t eh e z k , r o z k o n | I h a t e t ob r e a k i t t oy o u , b u tt o h l e n e u s l y r d , a l e|t h e o t h e r d a y s t l a v eo t r o k|u n d e r e s t i ma t ep o d c e n i t|c o me a c r o s s n a r a z i t n a n c o| o n e h d , n e d v n o|s y o us h o u l dk n o wb e t t e rm l a b y s m t v c r o z u mu| b e g r o u n d e d m t z a r a c h a|o hw e l l n oc o f f e n s i v e a n dmi s l e a d i n gu r l i v a z a v d j c |t h e w a y y o ut u r n e do u tc oz u ( n a d l )|o t e b e v y r o s t l oz a l o v k a u n g r a t e f u l b r a tn e v d n s p r a t e k|d o n ' t me s s w i t hmes e mn o us i n e z a h r v e j |g e t i t i n t o s b c h o r e sd o m c p r c e|p i c k u pa f t e r u k l z e t p o y o u r h e a du s i t ok o n e n u v d o m| s t e my g u e s tp o s l u s i , k l i d n |b r a ga b o u t c h l u b i t s e n m |l a meu b o h , t r a p n n k o m |b a t e r , w e e da n dmo wt h e l a w nz a l v a t , t r h a t p l e v e l a s e k a t t r v n k|s h o v e l ( h o v o r o v )|w v e g g i e sz e l e n i n a|p u k eb l t , z v r a c e t l o p a t a , h z e t l o p a t o u|*
t w a t c ho u td v a t s i p o z o r| p u t u pw i t hs s n e t n c o , t r p t n c o|I s n a p p e db o u c h l a j s e m| s b g e t e v e ns r o v n a t t y , p o ms t t s e|h o l l e r a t v o l a t n a n k o h o|y o uc a n ' t b e b o t h e r e dt od o l i po u tv y l e t t z k e , v z t e k n o u t s e i tk a l e t e n a t o , a b y s t e ( n e s t o j v mt oz a t o )|f

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za vs: nestojm za to; neexistuje nikdo, kdo by za to stl.) Take se domluvme nsledovn. Nebrblejte, vemte to v klidu a pijte na pozdj vystoupen. Slibuju, e bude pln stejn dobr. Je mn lto, e nm poas naruilo plny a psahm, e vm to vynahradm. Pokud vs to pot, budu za zruen muset zaclovat pomrn mastnou pokutu. To mi ale nevad. Radi pijdu o hromadu penz, ne abych nkomu zpsobil zrann. To tak. Vystoupen se ru. Doufm, e mi to prominete. Louis CK

Jsi asi hloupj ne jsem si myslel. Copak jsi onehd nemla na ti msce zaracha za njakou podobnou hloupost? Mla ses z toho ponauit a pestat takov vci dlat. Namsto toho si to hned zase zava. Jsi ty vbec normln? Co t to proboha napadlo? Pedpokldal bych, e kdy m otce, kter pracuje jako ajk, bude mt dost rozumu na to, abys to neprovedla znovu. No, chyba. To co jsi tam napsala je mimochodem neuviteln urliv a zavdjc. lovk, kter to bude st, si udl naprosto mylnou pedstavu o tom, jak to v na rodin chod. Ale to t pedpokldm netrp. Jenom abys vdla, s maminkou jsme z toho oba velice zklaman. Vypad to, e jsme t patn vychovali. Za to co z tebe vyrostlo nememe ale vinit nikoho jinho, je to ist nae vina. Nicmn zptky k tomu cos tam napsala. Jeliko nechce, aby to kdokoli nael, j za trest udlm pesn opak a hned te polu odkaz vem svm znmm, aby vdli, co za nevdnho malho spratka mme doma. To t doufm pro pt nau nezahrvat si se svm ttou. Mm rodim. Nejsem v otrok. U si to konen uvdomte a pestate se ke mn tak chovat. Tu pan na uklzen tu nemme jen tak pro srandu krlkm. A jen tak na okraj, jmenuje se Linda, nikoli Hannah. Pokud nco potebujete, oslovte ji, tedy Lindu. Ona za tyhle vci dostv zaplaceno. J ne. U mm pln zuby toho, jak po vs permanentn uklzm. Take pokud chcete chodit dovnit v zablcench

FACEBOOK WARS
Tohle je mnno pro mou dceru Hannah a jet vc pak pro jej kamardy na Facebooku, kterm jej mal vzpoura pila ohromn zbavn. Tipuju, e vtina rodi ije v pedstav, e jejich dti by na Facebook nikdy nic oklivho nenapsaly. Asi vs nepotm, ale napsaly a u to nejsp i udlaly. Vy jste na to akort jet nepili, nebo jste se nenamhali si to pozjiovat. S dovolenm vm petu jednu vc, kterou nedvno na Facebooku vystavila moje dcera. Stuje si na to, e s n s manelkou zachzme jako s njakm otrokem. Ujiuju vs, e jde o naprosto nehorzn tvrzen. Hannah evidentn nepedpokldala, e si to peteme. Myslela, e je dost inteligentn na to, aby ped nmi podobn vci skryla. Milku, dopustila ses klasick chyby podcenn svho protivnka. Dnes jsem asi 6 hodin opravoval tvj pota (bhem t doby jsem utratil zhruba $200 za nov verze program) a pitom jsem narazil na tvj pspvek, ten o kterm sis myslela, e jej neuvidm.