• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • 1
    CommentGo Back
Download
 
"BRUCE ALMIGHTY"by Steve Koren & Mark O'KeefeRewrite by Steve Oedekerk7/30/02 INT. KOWOLSKI'S BAKERY - KITCHEN - DAYA news crew shuttles around a GIGANTIC COOKIE.Standing byare the KOWOLSKI BROTHERS, GUSTOV and VOL, two SHORT,STOCKY,MEN, along with MOTHER KOWOLSKI and other bakeryfamilyemployees. A "30 YEAR ANNIVERSARY" sign hangs in thebackground.BRUCE NOLAN looks into a make-up mirror, desperatelytryingto place a large segment of wayward hair.BRUCEOh, God, no! The hair's wrong. Thisis a bad sign.(calling out)We really need to get a make-upperson?!The segment producer, ALLY LOMAN, steps over.ALLYNot in the budget. And not to worry,you're going to look great in this.She holds out a HAIR NET.BRUCEA hair net? I'm not wearing a hairnet. I just did the hair.ALLY(matter of fact)Health code. In the kitchen or aroundthe cookie, you gotta have it.BRUCE(to crew: re hair net)You guy's should tell me this beforehand, this is like a huge waste of...moose.Bruce spreads the hair net, bends down out of frame,comesup looking ridiculous and very disgruntled.BRUCERemind me to swing by an elementary
 
school after this and serve lunch.Ally laughs.ALLYYou're a thing of beauty. In three,two, one...Bruce SNAPS from pissed to instant charismatic TVnewsman.(Note: Whenever Bruce speaks on camera he speaks inhis"REPORTER'S VOICE" -- that recognizable, too-smoothdeliverythat all news reporters seem to have. In mathematicaltermsBruce's version is to the 7th power.)BRUCEFor three decades the Kowolski FamilyBakery has been a mainstay in downtownBuffalo. Known for their sinfullyrich, cream filled, deep fried polskipierogis. And the occasional sugarinduced coma that follows. Today, inhonor of their 30 year anniversary,Momma Kowolski and her sons Gustovand Vol, decided to do something, alittle bit different. Tell me guys,how did this idea come about?GUSTOVWell, Vol said to me, 'Gustov, whydon't we make the biggest chocolatechip cookie in Buffalo?' And I said,'Yeah, sure.'BRUCEWow. Fascinating.Bruce steps up to the HUGE COOKIE.BRUCEThe previous Buffalo cookie recordwas 3 feet, 17 inches baked by GladysPelsnick. But this behemoth cookieclearly proving that Gustov and Volhave much more free time.The Kowolski brothers and all celebrate in thebackground,toasting with big mugs of milk. Bruce steps forward,looksdramatically at camera, slow zoom in as he speaks.BRUCEAs we witness the ceremonial toastingwith milk it makes one pause andthink. What are we really looking athere? Is it just a big cookie or
 
does this cookie represent the prideof Buffalo? Our dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient,with a few nuts thrown in.(motions his eyes tothe Kowolski twins)And finally, the love of our familieswhich provides the warm chewy centermaking our beloved Buffalo thesweetest place to live.Camera is in CLOSE as Bruce signs-off.BRUCEAnd that's the way the cookiecrumbles. I'm Bruce Nolan, EyewitnessNews.Bruce's hair net SLIPS UP, PUFFING HIS HAIR INTO A BUNONTHE TOP OF HIS HEAD. The Kowolskis and bystanders alllaugh.The frame FREEZES.We PULL BACK from the TV and find Bruce holding theremote,watching the recorded spot on TV. We are now...INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHTBruce is with his longtime girlfriend, GRACE. She hasa boxof photos on the coffee table in front of herorganizingthem into a photo album.BRUCESo, what do you think?GRACEIt's good.BRUCEIt sucks. It's a story about a cookie.People with eating disorders will beriveted,(goes into hugepathetic fan character)Dear Bruce, love the bakery piece. Ican't wait to vomit so I can makeroom for more cookies.GRACEI thought it was funny. I love thehair net. How'd you get it to dothat?BRUCEWhat? I'm cutting that. They made mewear that stupid thing. I don't even
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...