What are the benefits of influence?

- Increase your ability to shape someone’s behavior when you do not have direct
control of them.

- Gather better data while building ongoing relationships in sales, consulting,

and in any business

environment.

- Motivate others when involved in projects with virtual teams in remote

locations.

- Exert leadership that transcends organizational boundaries.

Even when you have direct authority, command and control behavior does not produce
real buy-in. Influence is shaping someone else’s behavior without resorting to
positional power. Real buy-in is achieved when others participate in the process
of making decisions. The true meaning of dialogue is aptly captured succinctly by
the title of William Isaacs seminal book, Dialogue: The Art Of Thinking Together.

Some approach customers and clients by telling them about the superiority of their
product, countering customers’ “objections,” then “closing” the transaction.
Influence is more subtle. In complex transactions, involving experienced parties
on both sides, a more sophisticated approach is called for. Consider the following
“stages of influence.”

Conflict and Resolution

Business associates open to you as you square off and face them directly. A sense
of all things possible develops as you learn to focus your attention even more
intensely on someone else.

Trust is earned as others feel heard. Rapport is built as you demonstrate

understanding of others needs and desires. Influence is increased as your empathic
paraphrasing leaves others feeling profoundly understood.

Inquiry expands the field of possibilities and begins the process of dialogue.
Pathways of influence materialize as your understanding of others’ mental maps
grows.

Conflagrations are diffused as the assumptions that underlie them are surfaced.
Long-term business relationships are formed as your influence expands.

To influence another, they must trust you. We tend to trust people with whom we
feel connected. Create a sense of shared experience with your colleagues and
customers.

Active Listening

Accurately receiving the message of others is the hardest part of the

communication process. We tend to focus on:

- What we want to say, and

- What we expect others “will say.”

Our expectations are often so strong that they interfere with hearing what is
actually said.

No part of the communication process increases your influence further than

listening to others in a way that leaves them feeling heard.