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I Hate West Point

I Hate West Point

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Published by heeroyuy00
Humor about cadet life at West Point (not originally mine)
Humor about cadet life at West Point (not originally mine)

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Published by: heeroyuy00 on Nov 04, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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07/02/2013

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 Bitter cadet away messages are more than just away messages. They are one of fewmeans of venting. They are an artistic outlet. They receive more attention and consideration than academics. They bring joy into the lives of otherwise jaded individuals. They are a way of life... nay, they are life.
 A: my damn company failed sami and I havent even been inspected today. WTF....how does thisteach me anything? B: It teaches you life is unfair.L: And it teaches you that west point is about as cool as a sandpaper hand-job…..
Why Officers At West Point Are Like Gang Members --- If you make eye contact they feel they have to prove themselves to you by verballyassaulting you.-- They lie to cover for each other -- They have more power than the police, and less restrictions.-- They Travel in groups.-- They consistantly manipulate the rules for personal benefit.This morning at breakfast, the table unanimously decided that they would be willing totake a bullet if it meant that they could graduate today... definitely looking forward to thenext 2 and a half years at this "fine institution."  so my tac came up with a policy that if you miss a class that your immediate superior hasto come "check in on you" every hour on the hour while you're walking hours, I believethis is an excellent developmental tool, because obviously cadets who are treated like perpetual 3 year olds make the best officers, I sure hope they give me a pacifer beforethey ship me to Iraq"I'm here today to tell you West Point (and West Pointers) deserve neither your respect nor your taxpayer dollars." ~The Inevitable Whistleblower  Real Men Of Genius. Today, Bud Light salutes you Mr. Cadet Sergeant Major. For you,obscene rules and anal ideals are nothing but everyday necessities. With ridiculous standards and an even more ridiculous haircut, you crack the whip over not only your classmates, but those who are older, smarter, and higher ranking than you. And why do you do it? Because deep down inside you know you are better than everyone around you,and you know you don't care what anyone else thinks. So crack open an ice cold Bud  Light Mr. Emerging Leader, cause without you, Firsties would have no one to laugh at. As I strolled up to my door at 0030, I couldn't help but notice the OC had entered myroom. Wasn't just any OC...oh no....it was a TAC NCO. He was having some sort of coronary about how our sink light was still on after midnight. Now I'm not one tobitch...ok maybe I am....but does this man have nothing better to do than threaten me
 
with shaving my head if I do not turn off my light at midnight. Thats pathetic. Doesn't hehave a family, a dog, a pet rock or something? Its fuckin 1230...can I have no peace....? It's a little known fact that the first step off the train at Auschwitz was the IOCT.morale is high here at the academy..."another week... another opportunity to suck” I am 22 years old and I am sitting here cleaning my room on a Friday night so that whenmy classmates come to inspect my room tomorrow morning they will be pleased that myunderwear is folded in neat squares, no more than the allotted number of "nicknacks" are displayed on my desk and dust does not exist. This is a sure-fire way to develop meinto... a great... something...if apathy were a virtue, we'd all be saintsready, fire! aim.West Point has been America's premiere leadership institution for over 200 years. Cadetsare developed through an intensive 4-year process, in which their rooms are repeatedlyransacked like by vikings. And by vikings I mean 30-something men who hate their thinning hair, their generic wives, their stupid carpet-soiling dog, their sped kids, their 9- year-old minivans, their credit card debt, and their shoddy government housing, and take great pleasure in judging a cadet's worth as a complex function of the crisp folds inhis/her government-issued tighty whities and the number of personal items on a desk or  shelf. Please...I'm like a deer twitching on the side of the highway, soaked in my own blood. Have a damn heart and put me out of my misery.The IOCT was no less impressive today. In an effort to embitter myself anew, I turned my gaze toward the public abortion that is the rope climb. Like koalas with thyroid  problems, pear-shaped cadets struggled in vain against the harsh reality of gravity in anattempt to reach the ever-elusive platform. After 37 locks and a hand from Jesus Christ himself, some actually make it to the upper shelf alive, only to pass out at the merethought of the run. Meanwhile below, their Boodlers brethren flail their court shoes inthe air like epileptic sprinters as they struggle to reach the fourth rung of the monkeybars, urged onward by the hope of the Ben & Jerry's reward that surely awaits at the end of the DPE rainbow. God bless you, future leaders of America. You have more pins on your shirt than I do, thus making you a better human being. you know, for a supposedly nice place west point sure seems a lot like an inner city slum-my door is broken and won't shut all the way-my desk is broken-i have no hot water in my room-one of the showers leaks into the room next to it -the heater doesn't work 
 
thank god i'm not paying for this or i'd be pissed 9 out of 10 dentists agree… West point sucksthe closer I get to leaving west point the happier I become, allow me to demonstrate withone of my completely bogus mathematical theorems H=2451*Ds^-2.73861where H is happiness Ds=days of suck remaining -2.73861 is the constant of embitternessas you can see as of midnight with 7 days left H is 11.883, tomorrow will be 18.126, thenext is 29.863, H increases exponentially and reaches an upper limit at Ds=.000012which is 1 second before I leave, after that point H becomes infinitely high and istherefore not measurable using my completely idiotic and bogus formula I love going to work on the IOCT, if for no other reason than to observe the dregs of cadet society. There is no greater pleasure in this twisted hellhole than watching the same cadets who prove that the admissions process is clearly not airtight slip off the shelf/bars and break their falls with their faces and genitalia...except maybe watching the Ben & Jerry's faithful hurl themselves against the wall as fast as their court shoes will carry them, only to cling to the top edge of said wall and spasm like a fucking wounded  possum on the side of the highway in a futile attempt to drag their pear-shaped bodiesover. Thanks DPE, for bringing out the worst and putting it on display like a fucked upGong Show.
 
 I hope Al-Qaeda never puts up a defensive network of shelves and plywood walls, or we're fucked. I hope all that stuff about good looks, personality, and a sense of humor is a bunch of  shit, and what women really want is a guy who can stay up until 4 AM dusting his lightsand folding his underwear into Jello-box-sized squares. Hygiene Punishment - Someone used the laundry room when they were not supposed to so we are not allowed to wash our clothes till Jan. 5. Only at West Point... so i bet that i could go all day without being negative, i.e. no ranting, no bitterness, no yelling obscenities… the results? i lasted 15 minutes into breakfast. It's happened...my life has become the aimless trek through an endless hell that I always subconsciously predicted. What did I do in my former lives to deserve this? Did I shoot  someone's puppy? Did I run down a nun in the street? Could I have been a baby seal clubber? Maybe I was Judas back in the day. Hell, who knows. All I do know is that if that coin had come up heads, I'd be at Ohio State living in a frat house.words I learned from my Tac NCO:1. innercators2. graderated 

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fwhitehaven added this note
Excuse me sir.. no offense, but if you hate it so much why did you want to go? obviously it was going to be dishing out a lot of discipline for you... you need discipline so you can teach it to your men/women. Imagine ho the people who didn't make it into WP feel when they read this. They would probably kill for your spot.. This is honestly disappointing. I don't think you deserve to be in West Po
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James Harrop added this note
Holy **** this must be the longest rant i've ever seen. I feel bad for you lol.
Elliot Sheets added this note
I was debating on going to school here, but I'm glad to see what happens and your opinion
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