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Job Interview - Media Studies (Porno)

Job Interview - Media Studies (Porno)

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Published by: Thomas David Luke Wheeler on Nov 04, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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02/12/2013

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Thomas WheelerEnglish: Paired11A1/ARSpeaking and Listening
 Job Interview – Media Studies Teacher 
Staker:
(Sat down. Speaking on Intercom to Dover – holding button down)
Yes Ms. Dover, I’m ready - call in Mr. Uh, Harden?Harden:
(Walking in)
Good day to you, Mr. Staker.Staker:Hello, and welcome to St. Maximus Upper School, Mr. Iver Harden.
(Shaking hands)
Is that your, uh, birth name?Harden:Oh no, I was embarrassed of my real name, always being made fun of.It was, ahem, Dickus, Biggus Dickus – a big fan of Pythons, my dad.I’d definitely rather your name, though – less obvious.Staker:Less obvious? What do you mean?Harden:Well, you know, Peter Ian Staker. P.I.Staker Staker:- Anyway! Can I offer you a drink of some kind?
(Moving to a drinkscabinet)
I like having things less formal, hence the half unbuttonedshirt. I’m wearing shorts under here too, you know, for when it gets“stuffy”.Harden:Oh, uh, yes please.
(Moving next to Staker)
I feel like swallowingdown some coc- coke. Could you whip me out a glass?Staker:A brave man.
(Pours drink and hands to Harden – starts drinking)
Don’t ram it all down your throat in one go – unless, that is, you plan onshowing off - gargling a bit?
(Harden choking)
No? Oh well, maybenext time...
(Both sit down)
Back to the point of being here, however. You areapplying for the Media Studies teaching position, right?
(Startsflicking through folders, before stopping suddenly)
Oh, who am Ikidding, of course you are! – It’s the only position left to conquer! Well,we’re looking for someone with previous experience in the Media, canyou tell me about your last job, it mentions the movie industry?Harden:Yes, of course. Well, for the past ten years, I’ve been an actor,although it’s unlikely that you would’ve seen my work. You see, it’svery, uh... Independent – you know, mostly late night/early hours
 
Thomas Wheeler - Dr. Iver HardenAron Nelson -Mr. Peter Ian StakeRichard Pittman-Ms. Ben Dove
 
Thomas WheelerEnglish: Paired11A1/ARSpeaking and Listening
showings, made for TV and straight-to-DVD movies – none of thoseCGI-laden blockbusters.Since I’m aging a fair bit in the past few years (being 47 and all), workis tiring me. I can’t compete with or stand up to the younger generation’s standards –Staker:The train has gone off the rails. The horn just doesn’t blow as hard.Harden:Exactly – it’s like a part of myself is AWOL and I just can’t go on.Staker:Ah, weve all been there – the one legged race.Harden:Hole in one! ... Which is also something I can’t do any more. Anyway, Istarted turning to writing and directing these movies – on occasion,I’ve, uh, how do I say this, I’ve, well I’ve made my own, unique, take,on classics such as Sleepless in Seattle, What Women Want, WhenHarry Met Sally and There’s Something About Mary, amongst manyothers,
(drinking)
my most proud being Forrest
(hiccup)
Hump, Star 
(hiccup)
-hores, In-
(hiccup)
diana Jones, and Free Willy.Staker:Pace yourself - there’s no prize at the end! Well... a s0mall one, youcould say – bragging rights! Here, take this carrier bag, I was taughtthat blowing into it can help stop hiccups. (Blowing) See, gone now –you’re very good, I must say. Have you done that before?Harden:I’ve had some experience, you could say, yes. Although I’ve definitelynot been typecast, as I’ve had a range of roles over the years. For instance, I’ve played a postman called Percy.Staker:Percys got a big parcel for you.Harden:A spy called Tom.Staker:A Peeping Tom, you could say.Harden:A plumber.Staker:These pipes need plumbing, Ms.Harden:A home decorator.Staker:“These walls are dry, let’s splash on some paint”.Harden:A priest and a psychologist.Staker:Tell me your darkest sin, child.Harden:A doctor.Staker:Is it sore when you rub it?.
 
Thomas WheelerEnglish: Paired11A1/ARSpeaking and Listening
Harden:A nurse, too.Staker:Uh, Is it sore when I rub it?.Harden:A librarian.Staker:
(Quiet voice)
“Shhh! Be quiet! And don’t run either!”.Harden:A milkman.Staker:Is Mr. Skywalker not home today?.Harden:A college student.Staker:Heres to you, Mrs. Robinson.Harden:A window cleaner.Staker:I bet you squeezed your sponge a lot! Rub-a-dub-dub.Harden:A cowboy.Staker:Theres a snake in my boot!.Harden:An astronaut.Staker:“One small step for mankind”. Or is it,“To infinity and beyond”. No, it’s,“To boldly go where no man has gone before.”?Harden:A lollipop, uh, lady.Staker:You shall not pass!.Harden:A zookeeper.Staker:Did you keep the animals in cages?Harden:Haha, hard to tell - they were very wild! I’ve also played a trafficwarden.Staker: “That’s 3 points on your license and a £60 fine, unless...”.Harden:I once played Father Christmas.Staker:“All the good boys and girls, I’ll be coming down your chimneys tonightwith my big sack. Ho, ho, ho!”.Harden:A policeman.Staker:Youre under arrest. Cuff her.

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