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To Beer Or Not To BeerByChristopher Connell TaylorFamily Guy Specwww.christopherconnelltaylor.comconntaylor@live.com
FADE IN:INT. KITCHEN - MORNINGChris, Meg, and Stewie at the table. Lois cooking.STEWIESay mother, I’ve been sitting herefor what seems to be a damnfortnight, and the pancakes haveyet to appear on my plate.LOISPatience, Stewie. Breakfast iscoming.STEWIEVery well, if I am to suffer onebloody hemorrhoid you will be firstto experience impetuous doom by theSPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION DEVICE!Lois serves WAFFLES.STEWIEWhat the hell is this...?LOISEat your breakfast, Stewie.Stewie knocks his plate off the table: SHATTER!STEWIEDamn you, woman! Only one kind offried cake enters this mouth andthat’s BLOODY PANCAKES!Peter strolls through the kitchen with a KEG.LOISPeter, what are you doing?PETERCamping, Lois.LOISCamping? Peter, you never told meyou were camping this weekend.PETERLois, there’s lots of things Inever tell you... like that time Ilost my ring.
2.FLASHBACK: INT. BATHROOMBrian hangs over the sink with a straightened wire hanger,maneuvering it down the drain. Peter under the sink.PETEROh God, Brian, can you get it?Brian gives up and pulls up the hanger.BRIANI can’t Peter, it’s too far. Idon’t think you’ll get it back.PETERDamnit, I’ll never forgive myselffor this. Wait, wait I... I think Igot it.Peter comes up with an ONION RING!PETERThat was a close one.Peter tosses it in his mouth. The soggy thing doesn’t evencrunch.INT. KITCHEN - DAYLois giving Peter "the look."LOISExactly where are you camping thisweekend? Peter, you know I madeplans to visit my parents. You’resupposed to watch the children.PETERRelax Lois, I’m camping in the backyard.LOISWhat’s the beer for?PETERLois, camping isn’t camping unlesseveryone is drunk all the time. Andas an American taxpayer it is myGod given right to walk out of herewithout explaining anything.Peter leaves.(CONTINUED)
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