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Dr. Mezmer’s
Dictionary of BadPsychology
as regurgitated to A.
 
 J. Marr(author of Dr. Mezmer
’
s Psychopedia of Bad Psychology, also on scribd)
 
 
 2
Introduction
 The philosopher Voltaire said that if folks just bothered to define their terms, therewould not be any need to argue. Unlike definitions of aardvarks, armchairs, and arksthat have clear and distinct meanings, meaning for psychologists goes far beyondsimple meaning to what you really mean. Unfortunately, this desire to get under thesurface appearance of things makes standard dictionary definitions of matterspsychological somewhat useless, since everybody in the field has their own separatenotions of how to redefine the psychological wheel.Hence, in order to clarify the deep and dumb meanings of psychology, I, Dr. Mezmeroffer my Dictionary of Bad Psychology. My definitions will be prejudiced, meanspirited, inaccurate, and downright wicked. But hey, at least they're not in French!
A
 
Abduction:
Doctrine derived from formal logic that the best explanation derives fromuntestable guesses rather than testable guesses (i.e. deduction) or simple observation(i.e. induction), thus resulting in an abdication of the need to think. For example, in the15th century, the limited information about how the solar system worked resulted inexplanations derived from what that information implied, and the resulting Ptolemaicor earth centered explanation was good enough, thus permitting other hypotheses to bedismissed and their authors burned alive. Similarly, present day evolutionarypsychologists use abductive reasoning to hold that the mind is composed of cognitivemodules (see phrenology), thus permitting other hypotheses to be dismissed and theirauthors figuratively burned alive (see Steven Jay Gould).
Abstract:
Summary or condensed version of a study that provides a Cliff-Notes versionfor researchers who haven't the time and for audiences who haven't a clue.
 
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy:
Revolutionary psychotherapy derived fromrelational frame theory that is taking the country by storm. Currently that storm is aminor drizzle situated over Reno, Nevada. ACT has been tested by labs across thecountry except for Good Housekeeping and Underwriters Labs, and works like acharm. ACT creates psychic healing by convincing you to accept the fact that you needto be committed, and that you are committed to pay for this lousy advice. It is hopedthat ACT will soon join the pantheon of other time and lab tested therapies such aspsychoanalysis, transcendental meditation, and feng shui.
Addiction:
When the pleasure of anticipation outweighs the logical value of the objectyou are anticipating, thus making you pursue it even though further consumption ofthat object will get you sick, fat, broke, or otherwise brain dead. Thus, looking forwardto one beer (or bag of chips, cigarette, spin on a roulette wheel, etc.) is not addiction, butlooking forward to a tenth beer is; conquering Italy (particularly if you are Napoleon) isnot an addiction, but conquering Russia is; playing a video game for an hour is notaddiction, but continuously playing it for twelve hours is; and looking at one picture ofBritney Spears is not an addiction, but relentlessly searching for all her pictures is. (Alsosee dopamine)
Addictive BehaviorADHD:
Neurological disorder discovered by drug companies, who recognized that theneed for rough and tumble play by pre-adolescents represents in fact a horrible diseasethat is coincidentally treatable by their concoctions. Successfully treated ADHDsufferers (i.e., 12 year old boys) can reenter society as self-satisfied drones who will sit
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