Psychotherapy of Schizoid Process: Gary Yontef

PSYCHOTHERAPY OF SCHIZOID PROCESS by Gary Yontef
Psychotherapy of Sch!o" Process

Gary Yontef
Abstract
Sch!o" process s one of the #ost $b%&
$to$s persona'ty patterns( b$t t s ns$ff&
cent'y "sc$sse" n the 'terat$re) Ths ar&
tc'e offers a "escrpton of both the tr$e
sch!o" an" the #ore pre*a'ent sch!o"
process that r$ns thro$+h *aro$s types an"
'e*e's of f$nctonn+) Sch!o" process an"
persona'ty type are "escrbe"( nc'$"n+ the
charactero'o+ca' or+an!aton( nterper&
sona' processes( an" "e*e'op#enta' or+ns
of sch!o" process) Therapy of sch!o"
process s "sc$sse" n ter#s of presentaton
of the sch!o" n psychotherapy( "e*e'op&
#ent of the therape$tc re'atonshp( sta+es
of therapy( an" treat#ent s$++estons an"
ca$tons)
The sch!o" process s #portant eno$+h to
,arrant #ore attenton than t c$rrent'y re&
ce*es( part'y beca$se( to so#e "e+ree( e*ery&
one e-perences so#e facets of t) Dsc$ssons
abo$t the sch!o" process can c'arfy ss$es
re'ate" to contact( so'aton( an" nt#acy n
re'aton to peop'e ,th a *arety of character
sty'es ,ho operate at 'e*e's of persona' f$nc&
tonn+ ran+n+ fro# nor#a' ne$ross thro$+h
sero$s character "sor"ers)
Tr$e sch!o"s are a'so far'y co##on)
These are n"*"$a's for ,ho# the sch!o"
process s centra' to ther "yna#cs an" ,ho ft
the DS.&I/ 0A#ercan Psychatrc Assoca&
ton( 12234 "a+nostc crtera) They ten" to be
%$et patents ,ho "o not ca$se #$ch tro$b'e
or #a5e #any "e#an"s) If the therapst "oes
not 5no, abo$t the sch!o" process an" ho,
to ,or5 ,th t( s$ch c'ents #ay ,e'' be n
therapy for a 'on+ t#e ,tho$t rea''y "ea'n+
,th ther #ost basc ss$es)
This article is a modified version of a keynote address
given on 20 August 1999 at the annual conference of the
International Transactional Analysis Association in San
Francisco
In ths artc'e I $se the ter# 6sch!o"6 to re&
fer both to the tr$e sch!o" an" to the patent
,ho f$nctons ,th s+nfcant sch!o" pro&
cesses or "efenses b$t "oes not ft the f$''
"a+nostc pct$re)
Presenting Picture of the True Schizoid
The tr$e sch!o" $s$a''y presents as a 'oner(
so#eone ,ho s profo$n"'y e#otona''y so&
'ate"( ,ho has fe, c'ose fren"s( ,ho s not
*ery c'ose e*en n 6nt#ate6 re'atonshps(
,ho "rfts thro$+h 'fe( an" for ,ho# 'fe
see#s born+ or #eann+'ess) Sch!o" patents
$s$a''y sho, e-tre#e approach&a*o"ance "f&
fc$'tes) They often co#e to therapy beca$se
of 'oss or threat of 'oss of a re'atonshp or be&
ca$se of re'atonshp "ffc$'tes at ,or5) They
fre%$ent'y "escrbe the#se'*es as "epresse"
an" ten" to "entfy #ore ,th the spaces be&
t,een peop'e than ,th nterh$#an connec&
tons) In therapy( as n #any of ther re'aton&
shps( they ten" to be present b$t not ,th
*ta'ty7that s( not 6n ther bo"y6 or ,th
ther fee'n+s)
Sch!o" patents ten" to co#e to therapy
re+$'ar'y b$t "o not appear to be en+a+e" e#o&
tona''y) A co##on reacton of the therapst n
response to a sch!o" patent s to beco#e
s'eepy( e*en f he or she "oes not ha*e ths
reacton ,th other patents) There s so 'tt'e
h$#an connecton "$rn+ sessons that t s '5e
not ha*n+ eno$+h o-y+en n the roo#) The
frst t#e ths happene" to #e ,as ,th a
patent I '5e") I tho$+ht perhaps I ,as +ettn+
s'eepy beca$se 1 sa, her r+ht after '$nch( so 1
chan+e" her ho$r) 8$t that ,as not the prob&
'e#) In fact( 1 ne*er +et s'eepy ,th patents 7
e-cept occasona''y ,th a sch!o" patent)
The Existential Terror Underneath
To peop'e ,th sch!o" character or+an!a&
ton( rea' h$#an connectons are terrfyn+) In
ther fantasy 'fe an" ther beha*or( these
n"*"$a's try to '*e as f n a cast'e on an
Transactona' Ana'yss 9o$rna'( /o') :1( ;o) 1( 9an$ary <==1
>
s'an" ,here they are tota''y safe) The #an
feat$re of ths so'aton s a "ena' of attach&
#ent an" the nee" for other peop'e) Of co$rse(
'*n+ that ,ay brn+s on another terror7the
terror of not ben+ h$#an'y connecte") If ther
ten"ency to "efen" the#se'*es by so'atn+
,ere to be f$''y rea'!e"( they ,o$'" not be
connecte" eno$+h to #antan a hea'thy e+o)
Sch!o" n"*"$a's ha*e to str$++'e to
#antan ther h$#an e-stence as n"*"$a'
persons) The h$#an sense of se'f an" +oo" e+o
f$nctonn+ cannot "e*e'op an" be s$stane"
,tho$t nterpersona' en+a+e#ent( b$t sch!o"
so'atn+ "efenses atten$ate the nterpersona'
bon" to the pont of en"an+ern+ e+o "e*e'op&
#ent an" #antenance) Often sch!o" peop'e
,'' create n ther fantasy 'fe the satsfacton
or safety they 'ac5 n ther e-perence" nter&
persona' ,or'") They a'so ha*e h$#an connec&
tons n safe conte-ts 0e)+)( at a +eo+raphca'
"stance4( an" "s+$se" 'on+n+s are often
fo$n" at a sy#bo'c 'e*e' 0e)+)( n "rea#s an"
"ay"rea#s4) One fre%$ent sy#bo'c ,sh s to
ret$rn to the ,o#b( ,hch s seen as a state of
oneness an" safety) 8$t( f that ,ere possb'e(
t ,o$'" #a5e s$stane" h$#an "entty #pos&
sb'e snce t ,o$'" e-c'$"e nterpersona' con&
tact)
Contact and Contact Boundaries
To $n"erstan" the #portance of the sch!&
o" process n a'' h$#an f$nctonn+( ,e nee"
to cons"er the concepts of contact an" contact
bo$n"ares) Contact s the process of e-peren&
ta' an" beha*ora' connectn+ an" separatn+
bet,een a person an" other aspects of hs or
her 'fe fe'") The contact bo$n"ary has the
"$a' f$nctons of connectn+ an" separatn+ the
person an" hs or her en*ron#ent 0nc'$"n+
other peop'e4( ?$st as a fence has the "$a' f$nc&
ton of connectn+ an" separatn+ t,o proper&
tes) These "$a' f$nctons n*o'*e #o*e#ent
a'on+ a contn$$# bet,een the t,o po'es or
f$nctons of connectn+ an" separatn+)
The connectn+ process n*o'*es a c'osn+ of
the "stance bet,een peop'e( a recept*eness or
openness to the o$ts"e7an" especa''y to
other peop'e7,th the bo$n"ary beco#n+ po&
ro$s so that one ta5es n fro# an" p$ts o$t to
others) The separatn+ process n*o'*es n&
creasn+ "stance( c'osn+ off the bo$n"ary( be&
n+ a'one an" not ta5n+ n( ,th the bo$n"ary
beco#n+ 'ess poro$s an" c'ose" to e-chan+e@
at the e-tre#e( the bo$n"ary beco#es c'ose"(
'5e a ,a'') Peop'e nee" both connectn+ an"
separatn+)
A'' '*n+ creat$res nee" to connect ,th
ther en*ron#ent to +ro,) 9$st as ,e can on'y
s$r**e physca''y by ta5n+ n ar an" ,ater
fro# the en*ron#ent( h$#an psycho'o+ca'
"e*e'op#ent an" #antenance a'so re%$res
connecton ,th the en*ron#ent( especa''y
,th other peop'e) Peop'e can on'y +ro, an"
f'o$rsh by connectn+ to the nterh$#an en&
*ron#ent)
At the e-tre#e en" of the connecton po'e s
#er+er( en#esh#ent( an" a 'oss of separate
e-&stence( ,''( nee"( an" responsb'ty@ s$ch
to&ta' connecton #eans "eath by #er+er( a
"sap&pearance of a$tono#o$s e-stence)
Physca''y t #eans #er+er ,th the
en*ron#ent@ psycho&'o+ca''y s #eans a 'oss
of n"*"$aton an" separate e-stence)
H$#an e-stence re%$res so#e "e+ree of
e-perence" separaton fro# the en*ron#ent)
So ,e see that oneness can be hea'thy or $n&
hea'thy( ?$st as separatn+ can be) Int#acy s
a hea'thy for# of oneness( ,hereas a sprt$a'
retreat s a hea'thy e-a#p'e of separaton fro#
or"nary contact) I"ea''y( the #o*e#ent be&
t,een contact an" ,th"ra,a' s +o*erne" by
e#er+n+ nee") Ae beco#e 'one'y( ,e nee" to
connect@ ,e #o*e nto nt#acy( #o#entary
conf'$ence( or on+on+ co##t#ent) Then ,e
#o*e a,ay fro# connectn+ ,th the other to
be ,th se'f( to rest snd reco*er( to center( or to
fn" serenty) Th$s ,e connect to the pont of
satsfacton of nee"( then chan+e foc$s accor"&
n+ to a ne, e#er+n+ nee") Ae separate fro#
a partc$'ar contact ,hen ,th"ra,a' or "ffer&
ent contact s nee"e") Ho,e*er( n hea'th( a
person ,th"ra,s fro# contact ,h'e s$stan&
n+ a bac5+ro$n" sense of se'f connecte" ,th
other peop'e an" the $n*erse)
Ths f'e-b'e #o*e#ent bet,een c'ose con&
necton an" separaton preser*es the sense of
ben+ h$#an'y connecte") It s $nhea'thy ,hen
ths f'e-b'ty s 'ost an" ether separaton or
B
connecton beco#es statc beca$se #o*e#ent
n an" o$t of contact accor"n+ to nee" s "&
#nshe" or restrcte") At one $nhea'thy e-&
tre#e the n"*"$a' separates an" so'ates to
the pont of 'osn+ a sense of ben+ h$#an'y
bon"e") Iso'atn+ n ths ,ay an" to ths "e+ree
s cr$ca' to $n"erstan"n+ the sch!o" pro&
cess) For sch!o"s( the process of separatn+
,th $n"er'yn+ connecte"ness an" connectn+
,h'e #antann+ a$tono#y s fore+n) Ther
'*es are #ar5e" by the profo$n"'y fr+htenn+
an" "st$rbn+ fact of separatn+ ,tho$t #an&
tann+ a sense of e#otona' connecte"ness an"
,tho$t a "e*e'ope" ab'ty to connect a+an)
They "o not connect to others ,th #$ch hope
of ben+ #et an" 'o*n+'y rece*e") Sch!o"s
"o not be'e*e they can be 'o*e"( an" they fear
that e*en f a re'atonshp s estab'she"( the n&
t#ate connecton #eans 'osn+ a$tono#y of
se'f an" other) E*en fee'n+ the nee" to con&
nect ,o$'"( n ether case( be panf$' an"Cor
fr+htenn+)
It s "an+ero$s to #o*e nto nt#ate connec&
ton f yo$ cannot separate ,hen nee"e") If yo$
thn5 yo$ are +on+ to be ca$+ht $p( "e&*o$re"(
or capt$re" n the connecton( t s ter&rfyn+ to
#o*e nto nt#ate contact) On the other han"(
f yo$ "o not fee' connecte" ,th other peop'e(
especa''y f yo$ "o not be'e*e yo$ can
nt#ate'y connect a+an( the separa&ton or
so'aton s both panf$' an" terrfyn+)
Atho$t #o*e#ent one s f-e"( st$c5( sta+&
nant( an" $nab'e to +ro,) 8en+ st$c5 n any
poston on the contn$$# of connecton an"
separaton7,hch s the case ,hen the sch!&
o" process s operatn+7n*o'*es a "e+ree of
"ysf$ncton( ,th so#e nee"s not ben+ #et)
8en+ st$c5 n an so'ate" poston( a con&necte"
poston( or a #""'e poston bet,een nt#acy
an" so'aton are a'' prob'e#atc)
8en+ f-e" n a #""'e poston s co##on
n the sch!o" processD The person s nether
tr$'y a'one nor tr$'y ,th another) Ths ##o*&
ab'e poston bet,een connectn+ an" separat&
n+ s a co#pro#se to a*o" the terror of be&
n+ co#p'ete'y a'one n the $n*erse( on the
one han"( or of ben+ threatene" by en+$'f&
#ent( en#esh#ent( attac5( an" re?ecton( on
the other)
Twin Existential Fears
The typca' ch'"hoo" of the sch!o" patent
s #ar5e" by the e-perence of too #$ch or
too 'tt'e h$#an connecton) Too 'tt'e refers to
a 'ac5 of ,ar#th an" connecte"ness an" a
sense of e#otona' aban"on#ent@ too #$ch
refers to ntr$s*e parentn+ that e#otona''y
o*err"es the capab'ty of the nfant or yo$n+
ch'" an" ca$ses h# or her to so'ate or
"ssocate to s$r**e) So#et#es the
aban"on#ent an" n&tr$son a'ternate)
G*en ,hat ,e 5no, abo$t the #portance
of f'e-b'e #o*e#ent bet,een connectn+ an"
separatn+ for the +ro,th an" ,e''&ben+ of the
n"*"$a'( t s easy to $n"erstan" ho, the
typca' ch'"hoo" e-perences of the sch!o"
'ea*e h# or her ,th "eep&seate"( often $n&
consco$s fee'n+s of #er+er&h$n+er( on the
one han"( an" s#$'taneo$s fear of entrap#ent
an" s$ffocaton on the other) These 'ea" to $n&
*ersa' t,n fears that are f$n"a#enta' to the
sch!o" processD the panc or terror of contact
en+$'f#entCentrap#ent an" the panc or terror
of so'aton) These are partc$'ar'y ntense an"
co#pe''n+ for the sch!o"( ,ho e-perences
the# at the e-stenta' 'e*e' of s$r**a' or
"eath)
8eca$se the sch!o" sp'ts connectn+ an"
"sconnectn+( th$s 'osn+ easy #o*e#ent be&
t,een the#( he or she s face" ,th the threat
of beco#n+ st$c5 at one po'e or the other)
Therefore( sch!o"s thn5 of re'atonshps
#ost'y n ter#s of potenta' for entrap#ent(
s$ffocaton( an" bon"a+e) They "o not tr$st
that they ,'' not "e*o$r the s+nfcant other
or be "e*o$re") They "o not be'e*e that sepa&
raton ,'' happen as nee"e"( an" th$s they "o
not fee' safe to be nt#ate'y connecte") Of
co$rse( the "an+er of entrap#ent co#es n
'ar+e part fro# ther o,n h$n+er for oneness
an" fear of aban"on#ent( an" the connecton
bet,een ther o,n #er+er&h$n+er an" the fear
of entrap#ent s #ost'y not n ther consco$s
a,areness)
.any sch!o" patents start treat#ent ,th
the e-pectaton that they ,'' be "e*o$re" or
aban"one" n therapy) A'tho$+h they #ay be
consco$s of ths fear ear'y n the process( the
e-tent of the "$a' fears an" the connecton to
2
ther #er+er&h$n+er s $s$a''y not n a,areness
$nt' #$ch 'ater) Ent' then the "ena' of both
attach#ent an" the nee" for nt#acy pre"o#&
nates) Ther o,n #er+er&h$n+er s pro?ecte"
onto others as a ,ay of a*o"n+ the a,areness
by attrb$tn+ t to so#eone e'se) So#et#es
these antcpatons or perceptons are a pro?ec&
ton( a'tho$+h they can a'so be acc$rate)
Tota' so'aton or aban"on#ent s '5e "eath(
especa''y for the yo$n+ ch'") Part of the
sch!o" process s terror7a'tho$+h not neces&
sar'y consco$s7of a trp'e so'atonD so'aton
fro# others( so'aton of the core se'f fro# the
attac5n+ se'f( an" so'aton ,thn the core
se'f) A s+nfcant part of the sch!o" process
s a sp'ttn+ bet,een attac5n+ se'*es an" core
se'*es) At a "eeper 'e*e' there s a'so a 5n" of
so'aton bet,een aspects of the core se'f) In
+esta't theory ths s concept$a'!e" as a
bo$n"ary bet,een parts of the se'f that nter&
feres ,th the bo$n"ary bet,een se'f an" other)
E-perencn+ the se'f n a *ac$$# #eans
'oss of the sense of se'f as a '*n+ person) The
res$'tn+ 'one'ness s profo$n") It s rea' pro+&
ress n therapy ,hen the tr$e sch!o" patent
s ab'e to e-perence 'one'ness an" the "esre
for connecton)
The Schizoid Compromise The !n"and"#ut
Program
One so'$ton to the prob'e# of a*o"n+
co#p'ete "ea"ness of se'f fro# 'ac5 of h$#an
connecton ,h'e a'so a*o"n+ the threat to
e-stence an" contn$ty of se'f fro# nt#ate
contact s ,hat G$ntrp 012F24 ca''e" 6the
sch!o" co#pro#se6 0pp) GB&FF4) Ths refers
to not ben+ n b$t a'so not ben+ o$t of en&
+a+e#ent ,th other persons or st$atons) An
#a+e that I thn5 I borro,e" fro# G$ntrp
see#s apt hereD 6Ho, "o porc$pnes #a5e
'o*eH /ery caref$''y)6 There are se*era' co#&
#on 6*ery caref$'6 patterns of the sch!o"
co#pro#se)
For e-a#p'e( a ,rter s too 'one'y to ,rte
n hs apart#ent( so he +oes to a coffee shop
,th hs 'aptop co#p$ter an" #an$scrpt)
There he s not rea''y connecte" ,th anybo"y(
especa''y snce he "oes not +*e o$t s+na's
that he ,ants to ta'5 to anyone( b$t he s not
a'one ether)
Another e-a#p'e s a #an fro# Ios An+e'es
,ho has a re'atonshp ,th a ,o#an ,ho '*es
n ;e, Yor5 Cty) He can ha*e a ,ee5en"
connecton ,tho$t the rs5 of 'osn+ h#se'f
or ben+ trappe" n the re'atonshp) Ahen
.on"ay #ornn+ co#es( he ,'' be tho$san"s
of #'es a,ay n Ios An+e'es a+an ,h'e she
stays n ;e, Yor5)
Another type of sch!o" co#pro#se n&
*o'*es the person repeate"'y p$''n+ o$t of re&
'atonshps before #a5n+ a co##t#ent) S$ch
n"*"$a's +o thro$+h a seres of re'atonshps(
a',ays fn"n+ a reason ,hy they cannot con&
tn$e) A s#'ar pattern s ha*n+ #$'tp'e 'o*&
ers at the sa#e t#e@ the person en+a+es one
part of the se'f ,th one partner an" another
part of the se'f ,th so#eone e'se) One typca'
conf+$raton s ha*n+ a se-$a' re'atonshp
,th a 'o*er( b$t ,tho$t co#panonshp an"
b$'"n+ a 'fe to+ether( ,h'e #antann+ a
pr#ary b$t nonse-$a' re'atonshp ,th a
spo$se) So#et#es n"*"$a's ,ho sho, ths
pattern ,'' say so#ethn+ '5e( 6Gee( ,hy
canJt 1 +et ths to+etherH6 or as5 6Ahy canJt I
+et a ,o#an ,ho has bothH6
S$ch patterns ''$strate a core patternD the
schi!oid is im"elled into relationshi" #y need
and driven out #y fear Ahen face" ,th so#e&
one ,th ,ho# they #+ht be nt#ate( they
fn" t both e-ctn+ an" fr+htenn+) They are
afra" that they ,'' "e*o$r ther 'o*ers ,th
ther nee" or that the 'o*er ,'' be "e*o$rn+(
"esertn+( or ntr$s*e) They #+ht 'ose ther
n"*"$a'ty by o*er"epen"ence an" #er+er&
h$n+er or 'ose the re'atonshp by ben+ too
#$ch( too to-c( or too nee"y)
The so'$ton to these "'e##as s G$ntrpJs
sch!o" co#pro#se7to re#an ha'f n an"
ha'f o$t of the re'atonshp( ,hether n the
for# of #arra+e ,tho$t nt#acy( sera' #o&
no+a#y( or t,o 'o*ers at the sa#e t#e) ;ee"s
an" fears ,'' often be ether "ene" or ac&
5no,'e"+e" n an nte''ect$a'!e" #anner)
Fre%$ent'y s$ch n"*"$a's ,'' osc''ate be&
t,een 'on+n+ for the nt#ate other an" re?ect&
n+ h# or her( or they #ay stay n a stab'e
ha'f,ay poston not ab'e to co##t to ben+
1=
f$''y n the re'atonshp or "scontn$n+ t)
They are te#pte" repeate"'y to 'ea*e the re'a&
tonshp an" '*e n a "etache" #anner( b$t of&
ten they ret$rn a+an an" a+an)
Ahen to$che" e#otona''y or fee'n+ nt&
#ate( the sch!o" #ay beco#e annoye"(
scare"( fa$'t fn"n+( an" "sntereste") .ean&
n+f$' contact ,th another 'ea"s to crss( an"
crss 'ea"s to abo'shn+ the re'atonshp) They
cannot '*e f$''y ,th the other( b$t they cannot
'*e ,tho$t the other ether) 8en+ ,th threat&
ens "eath&'e*e' conf'$ence@ ben+ a'one threat&
ens "eath&'e*e' so'aton) So the sch!o" '*es
s$spen"e" bet,een hs or her nterna' ,or'"
an" the e-terna' ,or'" ,tho$t f$'' connecton
,th ether) S$spen"e" n the "eath&'e*e' con&
f'ct bet,een tota' so'aton an" ben+ s,a'&
'o,e" $p( these n"*"$a's often fee' tre" of
'fe an" the $r+e for te#porary "eath) Ths s
not act*e s$c"e( ?$st e-ha$ston fro# '*n+ a
'fe ,th ns$ffcent no$rsh#ent)
Themes in Therap$
The "sc$sson so far ponts o$t the #a?or
the#es that e#er+e n therapy ,th sch!o"
n"*"$a'sD so'atn+ ten"ences( "ena' of at&
tach#ent( the#es of a'enaton( an" fee'n+s
of f$t'ty)
Isolating tendencies Snce ben+ c'ose
ca$ses sch!o"s to fee' c'a$strophobc( s#oth&
ere"( possesse"( an" stf'e"( they often t$rn
n,ar" an" a,ay fro# others) Th$s co##t&
#ent to re'atonshp s *ery har") They treat
ther nterna' ,or'" as rea' an" the e-terna'
,or'" as not rea') They often ha*e a rch fan&
tasy 'fe an" tep" affect*e contact ,th others)
In so'aton they often fantas!e abo$t #er+er
or conf'$ence as so#ethn+ to be 'on+e" for or
to fee' panc5e" abo$t7or both) In act$a' or
fantasy contact they fantas!e abo$t so'aton
ether as a post*e ,ay of +ettn+ ther o,n
space or as so#ethn+ terrfyn+7or both)
Sch!o"s #anp$'ate the#se'*es #ore than
they nteract ,th the en*ron#ent)
S$ch n"*"$a's $s$a''y appear "etache"(
so'tary( "stant( $n"e#onstrat*e( an" co'"
06co'" fsh64) They "o not see# to en?oy #$ch
an" ha*e fe, f any fren"s) They appear to '*e
ns"e a she''( an" n #ost re'atonshps
0nc'$"n+ n therapy4( those ,th ,ho# they
are re'atn+ ha*e the sense of ben+ sh$t o$t
,h'e the sch!o" s sh$t n( c$t off( an" o$t of
to$ch)
Ahat s not a',ays ob*o$s ,th these n&
"*"$a's s that they st'' ha*e a capacty for
,ar#th( n spte of the sch!o" process) Ths
#ay co#e o$t n *aro$s ,ays( for e-a#p'e(
,th pets b$t not ,th peop'e) 1 re#e#ber one
sch!o" ,o#an ,ho sa" that 6the on'y peop'e
1 tr$st are "o+s(6 ,hch she "" not #ean as a
?o5e) Ath s$ch patents the therapst nee"s to
be senst*e to s$bt'e shfts n or"er to pc5 $p
an" +a$+e e#otona' reactons) Ths s espe&
ca''y tr$e snce sch!o"s often sho, a 'o,
'e*e' of #anfest nterest an" affect*e ener+y(
appearn+ to be absent #n"e" an" #enta''y
ha'f 'stenn+)
.ost often sch!o"s ,'' e-press a "esre to
be free of any #pn+e#ent or re%$re#ent to
"o anythn+) In a re'atonshp they ,'' often
ta'5 abo$t ho, they ,ant to be ab'e to +o o$t
an" not ha*e to face any '#tatons) At these
t#es the "esre to connect s $s$a''y o$t of
a,areness)
Ho,e*er( the sch!o" process n*o'*es #ore
than the s#p'e so'atn+ beha*or of a shy or
an-o$s person( #ore than soca' an-&ety(
obsess*e co#p$'s*e beha*or( or nte''ec&
t$a'!n+( a'tho$+h a sch!o" character pattern
#ay $n"er'e any of these other so'atn+ pat&
terns) The ss$es of the sch!o" n*o'*e 'fe&
threatenn+ 'e*e's of e-stenta' *$'nerab'ty)
8eca$se ths profo$n" *$'nerab'ty #a5es the
re'atonshp ,th the therapst "eep'y terrfy&
n+( t ta5es a 'on+ t#e for the therape$tc re'a&
tonshp( nc'$"n+ tr$st( to "e*e'op)
It sho$'" be note" that the co+nt*e "escrp&
tons n ths artc'e pro*"e a 5n" of a #ap for
the therapst( b$t one that on'y ponts the ,ay
to ,or5 at a fee'n+ 'e*e') A,areness an"
,or5n+ thro$+h ,th these n"*"$a's re&
%$res "e*e'opn+ a tr$stn+ re'atonshp@ no
f$n"a#enta' chan+e can happen ,th the sch!&
o" on a p$re'y co+nt*e bass)
$enial of attachment For ch'"ren ,ho 'ater
beco#e sch!o" a"$'ts( one ,ay of copn+
,th a ,or'" that s too b+( #enacn+( ntr$&
s*e( $nrespons*e( an"Cor aban"onn+ s to
11
"eny any nee"( ,ea5ness( an" "epen"ency an"
to pro#ote the ''$son of se'f&s$ffcency)
They 'earn to s$r**e by '*n+ ,tho$t fee'n+
"epen"ence( "esre( nee"( or fear) The sch!o"
s especa''y tryn+ to a*o" b$r"enn+ an" 5''&
n+ parents ,th hs or her nee"s)
Sch!o"s a*o" a,areness of attach#ent n
*aro$s ,ays) The #ost co##on s sp'ttn+
off or "sassocatn+ fro# nee"s an" fee'n+s
that are o*er,he'#n+) Confor#ty can a'so
be a #eans of a*o"n+ a,areness of nee" an"
fear as can obsess*e&co#p$'s*e se'f&#astery(
a""cton to "$ty( or ser*ce to others) One can
a*o" attach#ent nee"s by ben+ re+$'ate" by
r$'es an" re+$'atons rather than by *ta'ty
affect( or by confor#n+ an" ser*n+( th$s
for#n+ a fa'se se'f that conssts of a con*en&
tona'( practca' pse$"o&a"$'t ,ho #as5s a
fr+htene" nner ch'")
Dena' of attach#ent res$'ts n sha''o, re&
'atons ,th the ,or'") Co#p$'s*e act*ty(
co#p$'s*e ta'5n+( an" co#p$'s*e ser*ce to
ca$ses can a'' #as5 a sha''o,ness of affect*e
connecton) So#e peop'e ,ho appear to be
e-tro*erte" are act$a''y sch!o" n ther $n"er&
'yn+ character str$ct$re)
In the e-tre#e( the sch!o"Js "ena' of at&
tach#ent res$'ts n hs or her ben+ #echan&
ca'( co'"( an" f'at to the pont of "epersona'!a&
ton@ the n"*"$a' 'oses a sense of hs or her
o,n rea'ty an" e-perences 'fe as $nrea' an"
"rea# '5e) Of co$rse( not a'' sch!o"s "eper&
sona'!e to ths e-tent)
Sch!o"s often #ay "ef'ect the #portance
or #pact of prase an" crtcs# as protecton
a+anst attac5( "sappro*a'( "sappont#ent(
an" so on) A'tho$+h they str*e to fee' an"
appear $naffecte" by prase an" crtcs#(
they are act$a''y senst*e( %$c5 to fee'
$n,ante"( an" s$ffer fro# a "eep $n"er'yn+
sha#e 0Iee K Ahee'er( 122F@ Yontef( 122:4)
Ther se'f&representaton s a',ays a sha#ef$'
sense of se'f as ben+ "efect*e( to-c( an"
$n"esrab'e) They '*e nterna''y as f they
,ere a',ays "eserte" beca$se of ther o,n
"efect) They are especa''y conte#pt$o$s of
ther o,n 6,ea5 0nee"y4 se'f)6
Ahen the nee" they ha*e been "enyn+ starts
to e#er+e nto a,areness( sch!o"s e-perence
ntense sha#e) In fact( sha#e s a f$n"a#enta'
process for sch!o"s) They are eas'y sha#e"(
a'tho$+h that s not a',ays ob*o$s beca$se
they "eny that they are attache" or that they
nee" anythn+) Ahen they fee' safe eno$+h to
start e-p'orn+ ther sha#e( they #anfest a
+reat "ea' of 'oathn+ for ther nee"y se'f)
Ho,e*er( f the therapy s confront*e 0e)+)( n
the ,ay enco$nter +ro$ps an" so#e confron&
t*e +esta't therapsts $se" to be4( "e#an"s
%$c5 chan+e( or s nsenst*e to ss$es of
sha#e( these fee'n+s ,'' not e#er+e beca$se
the patent ,'' not e-perence the necessary
f$n"a#enta' tr$st n the therape$tc re'aton&
shp)
Themes of alienation Sch!o"s fee' so a'e&
nate" an" "fferent fro# others that they can
e-perence the#se'*es 'tera''y as a'en7as
not be'on+n+ n the h$#an ,or'") I ha*e a
patent fro# Ar+entna ,ho %$ote" a sayn+ n
Span&sh that "escrbes her e-perenceD She
fee's '5e a 6fro+ ,hoJs fro# another pon")6
In ther a'enaton( these n"*"$a's cannot
#a+ne the#se'*es n an nt#ate re'atonshp)
The peop'e ,or'" see#s stran+e an" fr+hten&
n+( e*en f a'so "esrab'e) Ahen they see co$&
p'es ben+ nt#ate( they are often #ystfe"D
6Ho, "o they "o thatH6 ;o #atter ho, they
force the#se'*es to "ate or to #eet ne, peo&
p'e( they cannot #a+ne the#se'*es n a s$s&
tane" nt#ate re'atonshp) Ths 'ea"s to the
fo$rth the#e)
Feelings of futility The sch!o" e-perences
'one'ness( f$t'ty( "espar( an" "epresson( a'&
tho$+h the 'atter s so#e,hat "fferent fro#
ne$rotc( +$'t&base" "epresson) 8oth are co#&
prse" of "ysphorc affects an" an a*o"ance of
pr#ary e#otons an" f$'' a,areness) Ho,&
e*er( ne$rotc "epresson has been "escrbe" as
6'o*e #a"e an+ry)6 That s( the "epresse" per&
son fee's an+ry at a 'oss fo''o,e" by sa"ness
an" broo"s "ar5'y a+anst the 6hatef$' "ener)6
Ths a++ress*e e#otona' ener+y then +ets
t$rne" a+anst the se'f)
In contrast( sch!o" "espar has been "e&
scrbe" as 6'o*e #a"e h$n+ry)6 The person
e-perences a panf$' cra*n+ a'on+ ,th fear
that hs or her o,n 'o*e s so "estr$ct*e that
hs or her nee" ,'' "e*o$r the other) The
1<
sch!o" fee's tanta'!e" by the "esre( #a"e
h$n+ry( an" "r*en to ,th"ra, fro# the
6"e&srab'e "eserter)6 The "eep( ntense
cra*n+ s no 'ess panf$' beca$se t s
consco$s'y re&no$nce" or "ene")
In or"nary "epresson the person has a
sense of the se'f as ben+ ba"@ $s$a''y he or she
fee's +$'ty( horrb'e( an" para'y!e") The sch!&
o"( on the other han"( fee's ,ea5( "epersona'&
!e"( '5e a nonentty or a nobo"y ,tho$t a
c'ear sense of se'f) G$ntrp sa" that peop'e
#$ch prefer to see the#se'*es as ba" rather
than ,ea5) They ,'' typca''y refer to the#&
se'*es as "epresse" #ore rea"'y than ,ea5(
ba" rather than "e*ta'!e"( f$t'e( an" ,ea5)
G$ntrp 012F24 ca''e" the "epress*e "a+no&
ss 6#anJs +reatest an" #ost consstent se'f&
"ecepton6 0p) 1:34) He ,ent on to say that
psychatry has been s'o, to reco+n!e 6e+o
,ea5ness(6 sch!o" process( an" sha#e) 6It
#ay be that ,e o$rse'*es ,o$'" rather not be
force" to see t too c'ear'y 'est ,e sho$'" fn" a
te-tboo5 n o$r o,n hearts6 0p) 1>B4) Fort$&
nate'y( I thn5 n the 'ast fe, years there has
been a rea' openn+ n therape$tc crc'es to
reco+n!n+ re'atonshp an" sha#e ss$es
present n the therapst as ,e'' as n the patent
0Hycner K 9acobs( 122G@ Yontef( 122:4)
%ealth$ &e'elopment
The se'f can on'y e-perence tse'f n the act
of e-perencn+ so#ethn+ e'se7an" ben+
e-perence") Cohes*e( hea'thy se'f&for#aton
"epen"s on contact ,th the #othern+ person
that s nether too 'tt'e nor too #$ch)
Fro# brth( nfants are e%$ppe" to be both
separate fro# an" connecte" ,th others)
Ste#Js 012BG4 research confr#e" that fro# the
be+nnn+ nfants 5no, the#se'*es an"
connect ,th the h$#an en*ron#ent) For ther
#at$ratona' potenta' to "e*e'op( nfants #$st
be ,e'co#e" nto the ,or'" an" s$pporte" n
ben+ the#se'*es an" ben+ connecte") Ths
s$pport starts ,th the #other restorn+ the
connecton se*ere" by brth) The nfant nee"s
to be #a"e to fee' that he or she be'on+s n the
,or'" of peop'e) Thro$+h a "epen"ab'e #other
an" nfant re'atonshp( the nfant 'ea#s that he
or she s not e#otona''y a'one n the ,or'"
e*en ,hen physca''y separate") Ths s$pport
for connecton an" separaton s nee"e"
thro$+ho$t nfancy an" to""'erhoo")
I"ea''y( the nfantCch'" 'ea#s that he or she
can be a'one n the presence of the #other an"
th$s n nt#ate re'atons ,th others) In ths
,ay ch'"ren 'earn that they can ha*e pr*acy
an" se'f&possesson ,tho$t 'oss of the other(
that they can be physca''y separate or ha*e
ther o,n fee'n+s an" tho$+hts n the presence
of the parent an" st'' fee' connecte" an" fee'
connecte"&,th ,hen they ha*e nee"s an" fee'&
n+s) The ch'" can be a'one n o$ter rea'ty be&
ca$se he or she s not a'one n nner rea'ty)
The "e*e'op#ent of these capactes "epen"s
on ear'y parenta' e-perence( the "e*e'op#ent
of ob?ect constancy( an" so forth)
Schizoid &e'elopment
Enfort$nate'y( the co$rse ?$st "escrbe" s
%$te $n'5e the ear'y e-perence of the sch!&
o"( ,hose ch'"hoo" ten"s to be #ar5e" a'&
ternate'y by e-perences of ntr$son an" ben+
o*er,he'#e"( on the one han"( an" fee'n+
e#pty an" a'one n the $n*erse( on the other)
The sch!o" then $ses ,orry( fantasy( an"
so&'aton to protect a+anst these e-perences)
A'tho$+h nat$re an" #other aro$se po,erf$'
e#otona' nee"s n the ch'"( f there are ether
ns$ffcent ,ar#( 'o*n+ responses or an e-&
cess of ntr$s*e( o*er,he'#n+ responses( the
nee" on'y ncreases( an" the ch'" e-perences
panf$' "epr*aton or $nsafe fee'n+s as ,e''
as an-ety at separaton an"Cor connecton) A
"eep nt#acy&h$n+er +ro,s n the ch'")
The sch!o"Js ear'y e-perence s that #oth&
er s not re'ab'e( $s$a''y beca$se she s a'ter&
nat*e'y ntr$s*e an" aban"onn+) .other not
on'y cannot to'erate( contan( an" +$"e the
ch'"Js affects 0e)+)( nee"( an+er( e-$berance(
e*en 'o*e4( she fn"s the# threatenn+ an"
o*er,he'#n+ an" treats the# as to-c) These
#others $s$a''y beco#e o*er,he'#e" beca$se
of ther o,n "epresson( 'fe st$aton( or char&
actero'o+ca' ss$es@ often they "o not ha*e the
s$pport they nee" to #eet the ch'" n ntens*e
affect*e states an" to stay ,th h# or her
$nt' the affect has r$n ts co$rse) C'ear'y( the
prob'e# s ,th the #other( not ,th the ch'")
1:
Ho,e*er( the nfant or ch'"Js e-perence s
that hs or her 'fe forces an" *ta'ty appear to
5'' #other7or at 'east the connecton to an"
re'atonshp ,th #other) If a yo$n+ ch'" has
a tantr$# an" #other ,th"ra,s to her roo#
for three "ays( the ch'"Js rea'ty s that he or
she has e#otona''y 5''e" #other) An"( of
co$rse( 5''n+ #other ,o$'" #a5e the nfantJs
'fe #possb'e as he or she cannot '*e ,tho$t
a parent)
The 'e+acy for the ch'" s that hs or her 'fe
force threatens #other( ,hch s e%$*a'ent to
the ch'" e-perencn+ that 6#y 'fe threatens
#y 'fe)6 Anythn+ fro# ,thn( e*en so#e&
thn+ +oo"( t$rns ba" an" "estr$ct*e ,th e-&
pos$re) The on'y hope s to 5eep e*erythn+
ns"e an" th$s n*sb'e) The ch'" #$st( at a''
costs( a*o" ca$sn+ tota' e#otona' aban"on&
#ent by or ntr$son an" annh'atn+ co$nter&
attac5 fro# #other) Therefore( the ch'" s$f&
fers so'atn+ h#se'f or herse'f to a*o" an
e*en #ore "e*astatn+ "epr*aton7the 'oss of
the #other an" the ch'"Js re'atonshp ,th
her) Enfort$nate'y( ths 'ea*es the ch'" ,th a
h$+e h$n+er that cannot be satsfe"( a h$n+er
that s pro?ecte" onto the #other( ,ho s then
seen as "e*o$rn+) An" a #other ,ho act$a''y
"oes "e*o$r #a5es ths e*en #ore rea' an"
fr+htenn+)
Splitting the Self
An #portant part of ho, the ch'" copes
,th ths st$aton s by sp'ttn+ the se'f)
S$r**a' s ache*e" by re'atn+ to the ,or'"
,th a parta' se'f or 6fa'se se'f(6 one that s "e&
*o" of #ost s+nfcant affect an" re'ates on
the bass of confor#n+ to othersJ re%$re#ents
rather than on the bass of or+ans#c e-per&
ence) G$ntrp 012F24 $se" the phrase 6the '*&
n+ heart f'e"6 0p) 2=4 to "escrbe the st$aton
n ,hch the *ta' ener+es( e#otons( an" *&
ta'ty affects are he'" ns"e( 'ea*n+ an e#pty
she'' to nteract ,th others an" to "rect h$&
#an re'atons)
Ths sch!o" pattern creates e-terna' re'a&
tons that are not #ar5e" by ,ar#( '*e( p$'s&
n+ fee'n+s) Instea"( ,hen nterpersona' n$r&
t$rance s a*a'ab'e( sch!o" n"*"$a's fear a
'oss of se'f fro# ben+ s#othere"( trappe"( or
"e*o$re") Ahen stron+ "esre or nee" s
aro$se"( they ten" to brea5 off the re'atonshp)
Hatre" s often $se" to "efen" a+anst 'o*e
,th ts "an+ers an" "sappont#ents( a pattern
that starts n ear'y ch'"hoo")
Ho,e*er( ,hat happens to the '*e'y e#o&
tona' ener+y that s he'" nH An" ho, "oes the
sch!o" stay s$ffcent'y re'ate" to peop'e to
s$pport the s$r**a' of the se'fH One 5ey pro&
cess s the "e*e'op#ent of nterna' rather than
nterpersona' "a'o+$es) Instea" of so#eone
,th a re'at*e'y cohes*e sense of se'f
nteract&n+ ,th others( there s a sense of se'f
n ,hch aspects of persona'ty f$nctonn+ are
sp't off fro# each other) The #ost co##on'y
enco$ntere" #anfestaton of ths n psycho&
therapy s the sp't bet,een an attac5n+ se'f
an" the 6core6 or 6or+ans#c6 se'f) Ahen the
or+ans#c se'f sho,s characterstcs of ben+
n nee" or e#otona'( the attac5n+ se'f #a5es
se'f&'oathn+( ?$"+#enta' state#ents abo$t be&
n+ 6,ea56 or 6nee"y)6 One #+ht character!e
ths as attac5n+ an" sha#n+ the or+ans#c
se'f( ,hch t ca''s the 6,ea5 se'f)6 The person
often "entfes ,th the attac5n+ se'f an"
thn5s of hs or her o,n 'o*e as so nee"y that t
s "e*o$rn+ an" h$#'atn+)
To the "e+ree that the personJs contact s be&
t,een parts of the se'f rather than a re'at*e'y
$nfe" se'f n contact ,th the rest of the
personCen*ron#ent fe'"( the person s 'eft
,th a "eep an" panf$' nt#acy&h$n+er 0often
"ene"4( "rea"( an" so'aton) The nterna' at&
tac5 s $s$a''y not on'y on the se'f that s
nee"y( h$n+ry( an" ,ea5( b$t a'so on the se'f
of passon an" bon"n+7e*en happy passons)
Athn the core se'f there s another sp't(
,hch I ,'' on'y cons"er bref'y) Ths sp't s
bet,een the se'f 0or the se'f&ener+y4 that con&
nects an" f+hts ,th the attac5n+ se'f an" the
core ener+y that has an $r+e to so'ate e*en
#ore( to +o bac5 to the ,o#b) The retreat
fro# the nterna' se'f&attac5 s "es+ne" to
protect the core 'fe ener+y( ,hch s 5ept
so'ate" n the bac5+ro$n" to protect t) It s a
f+ht for 'fe)
There are a co$p'e of other thn+s that occ$r
beca$se of ths process that I ha*e not yet
#entone") One s that( as part of sch!o"
13
"yna#cs( co+nt*e processes are often $se"
n the ser*ce of fee'n+ h$#an'y connecte"
,h'e re#ann+ so'ate" rather than n
preparaton for nterpersona' contact)
Se'f&attac5 s an nterna' "$a's# that "*"es
the person nto at 'east t,o s$bse'*es) Ahen
the se'f&attac5 s on the fee'n+ se'f( t res$'ts n
sha#e( h$#'aton( an" psycho'o+ca' star*a&
ton) It creates the "efect of a "*"e" rather
than $nfe" se'f an" #a5es the 'fe ener+y
0)e)( fee'n+s4 a s+n of ben+ "efect*e) It cre&
ates a sense that snce I fee'( ,ant( an" nee"(
therefore I a# $n,orthy of 'o*e an" respect)
So t s not s$rprsn+ that sch!o"s often
atte#pt to annh'ate or #aster ther fee'n+s of
nee"( so#et#es n a sa"o#asochstc ,ay) For
the#( se'f&attac5 s not "recte" to,ar" ther
6"on+6@ t s an attac5 or atte#pte" annh'a&
ton of the 6ben+)6
Ho,e*er( ben+ an" ben+&n&re'aton are n&
separab'e) The sense of se'f on'y "e*e'ops n
re'atonshp( not n a *ac$$#) Fee'n+ ,th an"
fee'n+ for other persons7an" ben+ fe't for
by the#7s *ta' for a hea'thy sense of se'f)
Share" e#otona' e-perence s a part of 'earn&
n+ to "entfy an" "entfy ,th the se'f an" to
"entfy ,th bon"n+ ,th others) 8eca$se of
ther so'atn+ an" "ena' of attach#ent( sch!&
o"s often operate ,tho$t a sense of ben+ 7
the e#pty she'' e-perence) Ths 6"on+6
,tho$t a sense of 6ben+6 'ea"s to a sense that
ben+ or 'fe s #eann+'ess) Sch!o"s $s$a''y
fee' ths ,ay( a'tho$+h they often attrb$te t to
a partc$'ar act*ty ben+ #eann+'ess rather
than to ther o,n process)
E*en the core se'f7n reacton to the top&
"o+( crtca' se'f7s sp't) There s an en+a+e"(
contact&h$n+ry core se'f that "oes batt'e ,th
the top&"o+ se'f( ,hch can #anfest n sa"o&
#asochstc an" bon"a+e an" "scp'ne fanta&
ses) In contrast( the pass*e( so'atn+ core se'f
s re+ress*e an" #a+nes +on+ bac5 to the
,o#b) It s ths se'f that s n "an+er of 'osn+
h$#an connecte"ness@ t fears e-stenta' star&
*aton( 'oss of e+o or sense of se'f( "epersona'&
!aton( ben+ a'one n a *ast( e#pty $n*erse(
e*en "eath) These fears can beco#e 5no,n
"$rn+ %$et t#es( ,hch #ay #a5e ca'#(
peace( %$et( s'eep( or #e"taton fr+htenn+)
The $nfnshe" b$sness of sch!o"s( ther
#ost centra' 'fe scrpt ss$e( centers on the
str$++'e to #a5e 6ba" ntro?ects6 nto 6+oo"
ntro?ects)6 Ho,e*er( ths $s$a''y "oes not
s$c&cee" eas'y) The ba" ntro?ect $s$a''y stays
re?ectn+( n"fferent( an" host'e $nt' *ery 'ate
n therapy) Ah'e the therapst #ay thn5 that
pro+ress s ben+ #a"e as so#e of these ss$es
are $nco*ere"( the sch!o" patent often e-pe&
rences on'y ntensfe" se'f&'oathn+) Fr$stra&
ton an" fa'$re tr++er the $nfnshe" b$sness
an" the rest of ths ne+at*e scrpt( nc'$"n+
so'atn+ "efenses( retrof'ecte" an+er an" ra+e(
stron+ "efense of the ne+at*e sense of se'f(
harsh se'f&attac5s( an" sha#e) It ta5es a +reat
"ea' of patence an" a 'on+ t#e to ,or5
thro$+h these ss$es)
(or)ing with Schizoids and the Schizoid
Processes in Ps$chotherap$
The %arado&ical Theory of 'hange The
+esta't concept of the para"o-ca' theory of
chan+e 08esser( 12>=4 says that the #ore yo$
try to be ,ho yo$ are not( the #ore yo$ stay
the sa#e) That s( tr$e chan+e n*o'*es 5no,&
n+( "entfyn+ ,th( an" acceptn+ yo$rse'f as
yo$ are) Then one can e-per#ent an" try
so#ethn+ ne, ,th an attt$"e of se'f&accep&
tance) Ths contrasts ,th atte#pts to chan+e
that are base" on se'f&re?ecton or tryn+ to
#a5e yo$rse'f nto so#eone yo$ are not)
Aor5n+ n the #o"e of the para"o-ca' the&
ory of chan+es pro#otes se'f&s$pport( se'f&
reco+nton( an" se'f&acceptance as ,e'' as
+ro,th fro# the present state by e-per#entn+
,th ne, beha*or) Ths e-per#entaton can
be ether the spontaneo$s res$'t of se'f&
reco+nton an" se'f&acceptance or on the bass
of syste#atc e-per#entaton) The therapstJs
tas5 s to en+a+e ,th the patent n a ,ay that
s consstent ,th ths para"o-ca' theory of
chan+e) Ath sch!o"s( ths #eans en+a+n+
,th the patent at each #o#ent an" o*er t#e
,tho$t ben+ ntr$s*e or aban"onn+( ,tho$t
sen"n+ the #essa+e that the patent #$st be
"fferent base" on "e#an"s or nee"s of the
therapst or the therapstJs syste#) Ah'e #any
therapsts #+ht en"orse ths n the abstract(
often ther non*erba' co##$ncaton creates
1G
press$re for the patent to chan+e base" on ,''
po,er( confor#ty( or as a "rect res$'t of the
therapstJs nter*entons)
The $ialogic Thera"eutic (elationshi"
So#e of the prncp'es +$"n+ ,or5 fro# ths
perspect*e are the characterstcs of "a'o+$e
accor"n+ to 8$berJs 0I2FGa( 12FGb( 12F>@
Hycner K 9acobs( 122G4 e-stenta' theory)
They nc'$"eD nc'$son( confr#aton( pres&
ence( an" s$rren"ern+ to ,hat e#er+es n the
nteracton)
8$berJs 012FGb( p) B1@ 12F>( p) 1>:4 ter#
)inclusion) s s#'ar to the #ore co##on
ter# 6e#pathc en+a+e#ent)6 Inc'$son n&
*o'*es e-perencn+ as f$''y as possb'e the
,or'" as e-perence" by another7a'#ost as f
yo$ co$'" fee' t ,thn yo$rse'f( ,thn yo$r
o,n bo"y) 8$ber 012FGb4 ca''e" ths 6#a+n&
n+ the rea'6 0p) B14( that s( confr#n+ the
otherJs rea'ty as *a'") 8oth nc'$son an" e#&
pathy n*o'*e appro-#aton@ ho,e*er( nc'$&
son ca''s for the therapstJs #ore co#p'ete
#a+nn+ of the otherJs e-perence than "oes
e#pathy) Inc'$son s #ore than a co+nt*e(
nte''ect$a'( or ana'ytc e-ercse@ t s an e#o&
tona'( co+nt*e( an" sprt$a' e-perence) It
n*o'*es co#n+ to a bo$n"ary ,th the patent
an" ?onn+ ,th the patentJs e-perence( b$t t
a'so re%$res the therapst to re#an a,are of
hs or her separate "entty an" e-perence)
Ths a''o,s for "eep e#pathy ,tho$t conf'$&
ence or f$son)
Inc'$son( or #a+nn+ the patentJs rea'ty(
pro*"es confirmation of the patent an" hs or
her e-perence" e-stence) It n*o'*es accept&
n+ the patent an" confr#n+ hs or her poten&
ta' for +ro,th) S$ch confr#aton "oes not
occ$r n the sa#e ,ay ,hen the therapst
nee"s the patent to chan+e an" th$s a#s at a
conc'$son rather than #eetn+ the patent ,th
nc'$son)
A "a'o+c approach re%$res +en$ne( $nre&
ser*e" co##$ncaton n ,hch the therapst s
"resent as a person7that s( a$thentc( con+r$&
ent( an" transparent7rather than as an con of
sea#'ess +oo" f$nctonn+) The therapst can&
not practce ths 5n" of therapy an" a'so be
c'oa5e" n a psycho'o+ca' ,hte coat) He or
she #$st be present by connectn+ ,th the
patentJs fee'n+s as ,e'' as by ac5no,'e"+n+
hs or her o,n f'a,s( fob'es( an" #sta5es)
The "a'o+c therapst #$st tr$st n an" sur*
render to +hat emerges from the interaction
,th the patent rather than a#n+ at a preset
+oa') Ths approach reco+n!es( centers on(
to'erates( an" stays ,th ,hat s happenn+ as
the therapst practces nc'$son an" th$s fo&
c$ses on present e-perence an" #o#ent&to&
#o#ent( person&to&person contact) In a sense(
pro+ress s a by&pro"$ct of a certan 5n" of
re'atn+ an" #n"f$'ness rather than so#ethn+
that s so$+ht "rect'y) The therapst re'n&
%$shes contro' an" a''o,s h#se'f or herse'f to
be chan+e" by the "a'o+$e ?$st as the patent
"oes) As a res$'t( tr$th an" +ro,th e#er+e for
both)
Su#te&t Attt$"es are often co##$ncate"
not by the te-t of ,hat the therapst says( b$t
by the s$bte-t or ho, thn+s are sa") ;on*er&
ba' c$es ha*e an especa''y po,erf$' nf'$ence
on sch!o" patents( e*en f nether they nor
the therapst are consco$s'y a,are of the#)
For e-a#p'e( a +est$re( tone( or +'ance ,'' of&
ten tr++er a sha#e reacton n a patent ,th&
o$t the therapst nten"n+ to "o so an" ,tho$t
ether the therapst or the patent ben+ a,are
of the process 0Yontef( 122:4) An" e*en ,hen
ths operaton 0)e)( the effect of the s$bte-t4 s
n a,areness( t #ay not be e-presse" or co#&
#ente" on)
A'tho$+h they #ay appear to be "stant an"
on'y *a+$e'y present( sch!o" patents 0an"
#any other patents as ,e''4 are e-%$ste'y
senst*e to n$ances of aban"on#ent( ntr$&
son( press$re( ?$"+#ent( re?ecton( or p$shn+
7n fact( to any #essa+e or s$bte-t that says
they are not OL as they are) S$ch #essa+es
are not on'y contrary to the para"o-ca' theory
of chan+e( b$t they a'so tr++er $nfnshe"
b$s&ness fro# panf$' ch'"hoo" e-perences
of re?ecton an"Cor ntr$son)
So#et#es I ha*e tre" to enco$ra+e a pa&
tent to fee' better( to con*nce the se'f&'oathn+
patent that he or she s not 'oathso#e) 8y "o&
n+ so( I na"*ertent'y sent the #essa+e that the
patentJs fee'n+s an" sense of se'f ,ere so
panf$' that 1 as a therapst co$'" not to'erate
the#) Ths ,as a repeat of the #essa+e the
1F
patent rece*e" fro# nfancyD Yo$ are too
nee"y( too #$ch of a bother) Ahen yo$ as the
therapst ha*e a *e, of the patent that s #ore
post*e than he or she has( the thn+ that yo$
hear the #ost fro# the patent s( 6Yo$ "onJt
$n"erstan")6 1 st'' hear that occasona''y( an"
I ha*e been ,or5n+ ,th these "yna#cs for a
'on+ t#e) In s$ch cases( +oo" ntentons create
"sr$ptons n the contact bet,een therapst
an" patent an" an #pe"#ent to ,or5n+
thro$+h) 0For a po+nant e-a#p'e of ths pro&
cess( see Hycner K 9acobs( 122G( p) >=)4
I fn" t a+on!n+ ,hen patents I '5e hate
the#se'*es an" "escrbe the#se'*es as 'oath&
so#e( so#ethn+ tota''y contrary to ho, I an"
others 0e)+)( +ro$p #e#bers4 e-perence the#)
For e-a#p'e( I ha*e a br+ht sch!o" patent
,ho #a5es e-ce''ent co##ents n the +ro$p(
co##ents that other patents apprecate an"
fro# ,hch they beneft) 8$t hs se'f&"escrp&
ton s( 6IJ# st$p"(6 ,hch for h# s an $n&
to$chab'e rea'ty) Atte#pts to n"$ce h# to
ta5e n the *e,s of others an" th$s #o"fy hs
*e, of h#se'f ha*e pro*e" pre"ctab'y f$t'e)
Ahen peop'e say they '5e h#( thn5 he s
s#art( or apprecate hs re#ar5s( hs response
s $s$a''y( 6Yo$ "onJt $n"erstan")6 I e*ent$&
a''y sa"( n effect( 6Yo$Jre r+ht( I "onJt $n&
"erstan"( yo$r rea'ty s that yo$ are st$p")6
As 1 stoppe" f+htn+ ,th h# abo$t hs ne+a&
t*e sense of se'f( "eeper ,or5 starte") Instea"
of pretense( I be+an to see #ore contn$ty of
the#atc ,or5)
In +enera'( ,hen the patent te''s #e that I "o
not $n"erstan"( he or she s r+ht) As the thera&
pst yo$ "o not ha*e to a+ree ,th the patentJs
*e,pont( b$t t s #portant to rea'!e the pa&
tentJs rea'ty s as *a'" as the therapstJs)
.oreo*er( yo$ cannot ta'5 the patent o$t of hs
or her rea'ty e*en f yo$ be'e*e t s ac&
ceptab'e to "o so) Rather( the tas5 s to connect
,th an" to'erate the patentJs e-perence so
that he or she can 'ea# to to'erate t7an" then
to +ro, beyon" t accor"n+ to the para"o-ca'
theory of chan+e)
The 6fren"'y6 #essa+e of pers$ason s ac&
t$a''y an atte#pt to +et the patent to chan+e hs
or her percepton( be'ef( e-perence7that s( to
be "fferent) If the patent s n "espar(
an" the therapst ,or5s to +et the patent not to
fee' "espar( ,hose nee" s ben+ ser*e"7the
patentJs or the therapstJsH Can the therapst
stan" to stay n e#otona' contact as the patent
e-perences "espar( "epresson( hope'essness(
sha#e( an" se'f&'oathn+H If the therapst can&
not or ,'' not stay ,th the patentJs e-per&
ence( he or she +*es the patent the #essa+e
once #ore that the patentJs e-perence s too
#$ch to bear) Ths s '5e "e#an"n+ a fa'se
se'f( an" t tr++ers sha#e an" renforces the
ch'"hoo" scrpt)
The #ost #portant thn+ the therapst can
"o ,th sch!o" patents s to ,or5 patent'y
an" consstent'y to n%$re abo$t an" foc$s on
the patentJs e-perence( on ,hat t s '5e to
'*e 'fe ,th the s$b?ect*e rea'ty of ben+ st$&
p" an" 'oathso#e) Ths approach s #ost $se&
f$' ,hen co#bne" ,th caref$' attenton to
s$bt'e s+ns of "sr$ptons n the contact be&
t,een therapst an" patent) A'tho$+h sch!o"
patents ,'' not te'' yo$ abo$t the#( yo$ can
see s$bt'e s+ns of connecton an" "sconnec&
ton f yo$ are obser*ant) Often the 'atter n&
"cate that s$bte-t 0non*erba' s+ns fro# the
therapst4 ha*e tr++ere" a sha#e reacton)
Ths s rch #atera' f the therapst s ,''n+
to ta5e the ntat*e to e-p'ore t)
The sa#e ho'"s tr$e ,hen the patent has a
"fferent *e, of yo$( the therapst( than yo$
ha*e of yo$rse'f) If yo$ honor the patentJs
e-perence as one *a'" rea'ty( not the rea'ty(
yo$ can e-p'ore the "screpancy bet,een yo$r
6rea'ty6 an" the patentJs 6rea'ty6 an" th$s be
consstent ,th the prncp'es of "a'o+$e( phe&
no#eno'o+y( an" the para"o-ca' theory of
chan+e) Aor5n+ ,th ths attt$"e offers
+ro,th for both patent an" therapst)
Techni,ues- Sch!o" patents are a#enab'e
to creative a""roaches that center on their
e&"erience. on contact. and on +hat emerges
in the thera"eutic relationshi" rather than on
"rograms that try to get the "atient some*
+here Ths can be #a-#!e" by "entfyn+
sch!o" the#es as they e#er+e rather than
tryn+ to for#$'ate the# accor"n+ to a preset
p'an) If yo$ sho, nterest an" n%$re abo$t the
the#es as they e#er+e( yo$ "o not nee" e'abo&
rate for#$'atons to e-p'an to the patent
1>
abo$t hs or her process or 'fe scrpt) Ins+ht
,'' e#er+e fro# the nteracton ,hen the
therapst fo''o,s these basc prncp'es) A'&
tho$+h ths #ay see# to ta5e a 'on+ t#e( n
the en" t s #ore effect*e( safer( an" no
'en+ther than approaches that appear to obtan
a %$c5er co+nt*e $n"erstan"n+)
/orking through0that s( "estr$ct$rn+ an"
nte+ratn+ core processes7re%$res "entfy&
n+ an" stayn+ ,th fee'n+s as the patent
e-p'ores hs or her e-perence) It n*o'*es
fee'n+ the affect an" s( of necessty( #ore
than co+nt*e an"Cor *erba') The therapst
#$st be ab'e to e-perence ,th the patent the
fee'n+ of the e#pty she''( the core se'f( an" the
crtc an" to ,or5 ,th these fee'n+s as they
e#er+e an" nat$ra''y e*o'*e) It #eans fee'n+
the nner ch'"Js panf$' h$n+er( terror( an"
nee" for the "efense an" ho,( ,hen( an" ,hy
t ,or5e") It #eans fee'n+ the e-perence of
ben+ an a'en) S$ch ,or5n+ thro$+h re&%$res
#ore ntens*e ,or5 o*er t#e than ther&apy
that s on'y pa''at*e) Any co+nt*e "en&
tfcaton of a the#e before the patent can fee'
t s( at best( preparatory for "eeper ,or5( ,or5
base" on the patents fe't sense of se'f an"
others) An nterpretaton s on'y *a'" ,hen t
s confr#e" by the patentJs fe't sense of t) A
co+nt*e "entfcaton before the patent can
fee' t 'ac5s the patentJs fe't sense as a #eans
of confr#n+ or "sconfr#n+ the therapstJs
nterpretatons) The co+nt*e foc$s s often a
barrer to "eeper ,or5 base" on a fe't sense)
The sch!o" nee"s the therapst to be ab'e to
contact the h""en core se'f ,tho$t ben+ n&
tr$s*e) Ths re%$res #$ch senst*ty an"
a,areness of the process so that openn+s can
be fo$n" ,here the therapst an" patent can
"sco*er a ,ay to sy#bo'!e the *ery yo$n+(
pr#t*e( pre*erba' sent#ent of the nner core
se'f) It a'so re%$res that the therapst be ,''&
n+ an" ab'e to a"#t errors an" co$nter&trans&
ference so that breaches n the therapst&patent
re'atonshp can be hea'e")
A ,o#an ,ho ,ants to #arry an" rase a
fa#'y b$t ,ho re'ates to #en $sn+ the sch!&
o" co#pro#se s not '5e'y to beneft fro#
ether an e#phass on contact s5''s an" re'a&
tonshp "sc$ssons that pre#at$re'y cons"er
the#es before they e#er+e n the therapy or a
therapy n ,hch the therapst "oes not $n"er&
stan" the sch!o" process) A #an ,ho says he
,ants nt#acy b$t s a',ays $na*a'ab'e( cr&
tca'( b$sy( or too #patent s n the sa#e pre&
"ca#ent) Treat#ent #$st procee" step by
step by e-p'orn+ ss$es as they e#er+e ,th a
therapst ,ho s nfor#e" by an $n"erstan"n+
of the sch!o" process)
For e-a#p'e( a #an n a re'atonshp 5eeps
assertn+ that he ,ants hs free"o#) In%$ry an"
#enta' e-per#ents start to c'arfy the st&$aton)
He s as5e" to "escrbe n "eta' ,hat happens
,hen he s at ho#e an" to #a+ne ,hat he
,o$'" "o f he ,ere free) Ahat e#er&+es s a
re'atonshp pattern n ,hch there s no
#o*e#ent nto nt#ate contact an" no
#o*e#ent to separate ,h'e #antann+ the
sense of e#otona' bon"n+) Ths e*ent$a''y 'n5s
to ear'y ch'"hoo" e-perences of ben+
e#otona''y so'ate" ,thn a tro$b'e" fa#'y(
,th free"o# on'y co#n+ by ben+ a,ay fro#
the ,arrn+ fa#'y st$aton) These so'atn+
"efenses ,ere necessary n ch'"hoo"( b$t s$b&
se%$ent e-p'oraton 'e" the patent to "sco*er
other so'$tons for h#se'f as an a"$'t)
For #ost sch!o"s( resistance to a,areness
an" contact ,ere necessary for s$r**a' n
ch'"hoo"( an" they often st'' p'ay a hea'thy
f$ncton n a"$'thoo") .y a"*ce s to treat
resstance as ?$st another 'e+t#ate fee'n+
state of the patent( so#ethn+ for yo$ an" the
patent to e-perence( $n"erstan"( "entfy
,th( an" #a5e c'ear) It sho$'" not be treate"
as so#ethn+ to be +otten r" of)
It s necessary to brn+ to+ether the parts of
the se'f that the patent has 5ept so'ate" fro#
each other) Ths can be "one by brn+n+ the
sp't off parts nto the roo# at the sa#e t#e 7
the "esre an" the "rea"( the act*e an" the
pass*e core se'*es( the attac5er an" the core
se'f) 8y brn+n+ nto a,areness both parts of a
sp't se'f( the parts are c'arfe" an" a "a'ect&
ca' synthess or ass#'aton can be+n) Certan
techn%$es( s$ch as the +esta't therapy e#pty
char an" t,o&char techn%$es( #ay be he'p&
f$'( b$t the techn%$es are 'ess #portant than
the attt$"e of brn+n+ the separate" parts nto
so#e 5n" of nterna' "a'o+$e)
1B
Ath re+ar" to grou"s. sch!o" patents
often atten" re+$'ar'y an" are #portant to the
+ro$p process( a'tho$+h they #ay not be *ery
act*e) They often co#e to +ro$p for a 'on+
t#e an" #ay fee' asha#e" abo$t ths) Ahen
sch!o" patents "o ,or5 n +ro$p an" e*en
#anfest so#e chan+e( they can beco#e "s&
co$ra+e" by ther o,n sha#e o*er ho, 'on+ t
s ta5n+ or o*er ho, the +ro$p process s not
enco$ra+n+ the#) At s$ch t#es they nee"
s$pport for $n"erstan"n+ that t s 'e+t#ate
for the therapy to ta5e that 'on+) Ths s partc&
$'ar'y the case ,hen other +ro$p #e#bers
co#e an" +o #ore %$c5'y) If +ro,th s occ$r&
rn+( they nee" he'p to see the#se'*es as other
than "efect*e for st'' ben+ n +ro$p an"
enco$ra+e#ent to stay an" contn$e ther ,or5)
The Course of Therap$
The schi!oid com"romise in thera"y The
sch!o" patent s often e#otona''y nether n
nor o$t of therapy( ?$st as he or she s nether n
nor o$t of other re'atonshps) In therapy ths s
acco#p'she" by an nfre%$ent b$t stab'e
sche"$'e( by ben+ present ,tho$t ben+ n&
t#ate'y connecte" or a''o,n+ stron+ affects(
an"Cor by ben+ n a +ro$p b$t not ,or5n+)
Sch!o" patents ,'' often be 6$nto$ch&
ab'e6 n the sense of p$ttn+ $p a #as5 or ,a''
or sho,n+ other s+ns of 'ac5 of nt#acy(
"efense( resstance( or retreat fro# contact)
Ho,e*er( they are $s$a''y not other,se con&
tro''n+ or #anp$'at*e)
These n"*"$a's $s$a''y foc$s on ,antn+
so#ethn+ f-e" or e-terna' re+$'aton( on
6Ho, "o I chan+e thsH6 r$'es( f-&t ap&
proaches( an" sho$'"s 0especa''y for other
peop'e4 rather than on affects( nee"s( or "eeper
$n"erstan"n+) E-pressn+ e#oton s "ffc$'t(
"e'aye"( or restrane"( an" they often react to
narcssstc n?$ry ,th panf$'( pr"ef$'( ,th&
"ra,a') Iso'atn+ s easer for sch!o"s than
fee'n+ "espar or n?$ry)
1nderlying "attern In the act*e core se'f
#o"e the patent 'on+s for 'o*e( an" the thera*
"ist #ecomes the avenue of ho"e Snce t s
"ffc$'t for sch!o" patents to fee' "esre or
nee" f$''y( they often sho, pr"e n reno$ncn+
nee" an" sha#e or fear at beco#n+ a,are of
nee") Ths can ta5e the for# of tota' "ena'(
ac5no,'e"+n+ b$t tr*a'!n+( or nte''ect$a'&
!n+ the nee" ,tho$t fee'n+ t) These patents
pro?ect hope onto the therapst b$t then f+ht t)
They are $s$a''y $na,are of ths process an"
contn$e presentn+ prob'e#s to ,or5 on ,h'e
st$bborn'y f+htn+) A'tho$+h the f+htn+ s
ostensb'y abo$t ,hat s ben+ "sc$sse"( ac&
t$a''y t s abo$t core sha#e an" terror)
So( ho, "oes the therapst 5no, ho, #ean&
n+f$' the therapy an" the therapst are to the
patentH It $s$a''y sho,s s$bt'y n beha*orD
For e-a#p'e( the patent 5eeps co#n+( an" f
the therapst "oes so#ethn+ that n?$res the
therape$tc re'atonshp( the patent reacts( of&
ten stron+'y) Ho,e*er( ,hen the patent "oes
beco#e a,are of hs or her attach#ent to an"
nee" for the therapst( the ##e"ate reacton
s often an+erD 61 "onJt ,ant to nee" yo$( to
"epen" on yo$) It #a5es #e so an+ryM6
The sch!o" patent fears loss through
a#andonment 6If yo$ rea''y 5ne, ,hat I a#
'5e ) ) )6 s a fre%$ent co##ent of sch!o"
patents( e*en 'ate n therapy) The nner sch!&
o" ,or'" s character!e" by a constant fear of
"eserton an" fee'n+s of ben+ $n,ante" an"
$n'o*ab'e( a'' of ,hch #ay re#an o$t of
a,areness $nt' they e#er+e ,e'' nto the ther&
apy) The fear of aban"on#ent re'ates to the
patentJs attt$"e to,ar" hs or her o,n ntense
h$n+er( an" e*en f the h$n+er tse'f s not n
a,areness( t co'ors the sch!o" patentJs a"$'t
f$nctonn+)
The sch!o" patent ,ants to ensure the
thera"ist2s or lover2s "resence. to 6possess6 the
other) Ths s #ost often represente" n fantasy
0e)+)( $sn+ sa"o#asochstc sy#bo'&s#4) One
aspect of ths s an ant'b"na' attac5 on the
nee"y se'f) There s a'so a "s&+$se"
"epen"ence an" or oneness 0e)+)( bon"&a+e can
sy#bo'ca''y ens$re connecton or one&ness
,th the s+nfcant other4) Genera''y( sch!o"
patents are not "e#an"n+ or contro'&'n+ of
the therapst( e-cept for the so'atn+ "efenses)
Ho,e*er( t s $s$a''y a 'on+ t#e before the
patent s a,are of these $n"er'yn+ processes)
3o thera"ist can com"letely satisfy the
schi!oid "atient2s intense cravings Ahen the
12
therapst ne*tab'y fa's n hs or her response(
ths s$pports the patentJs pro?ectons that the
therapst s ntr$s*e an"Cor aban"onn+7or as
$se'ess as the patentJs parents ,ere n #eetn+
nee"s) Ths s renforce" e*en #ore f the
therapst act$a''y s contro''n+( ntr$s*e( or
aban"onn+( ,hch #a5es the patentJs percep&
ton not entre'y nacc$rate) Ths s tr$e re+ar"&
'ess of the therapstJs ratona'e or +oo" nten&
tons) E*en or"nary ref'ecton or s#p'e foc$s&
n+ e-per#ents can be contro''n+ or ntr$s*e
"epen"n+ on ho, they are "one an" ho, the
therapst re'ates to the patent)
Sch!o" patents often osc''ate bet,een
h$n+ry eatn+ an" ref$sa' to eat) Ths s tr$e
both 'tera''y an" f+$rat*e'y( a'tho$+h #ore
the 'atter) .ost'y they so'ate( occasona''y ap&
proachn+ o$t of nee" an" then so'atn+ a+an)
Ths s not s$rprsn+ n '+ht of the basc
pattern of approachn+ n nee" an" ,th"ra,&
n+ n fear an" "rea")
In the regressed. hidden. "assive mode.
sch!o" patents re+ar" others as too "an+er&
o$s( ntr$s*e( "e*o$rn+( s$b?$+atn+( an"
s#othern+) They ,ant to escape fro# ths
"an+er as ,e'' as to fn" sec$rty( ,hch 'ea"s
the# to 'on+ for the ,o#b or te#porary "eath
as a re'ef fro# an e#pty o$ter ,or'" an" an
attac5n+ nner ,or'") Re'atonshps are too
"an+ero$s( so part of the se'f s 5ept $nto$ch&
ab'e e*en ,hen the patent reco+n!es co+n&
t*e'y ,hat s happenn+)
Stages of Therap$
4rdinary. utilitarian thera"y The be+nnn+
sch!o" patent s often n search of re'ef of
sy#pto#s an" ,ays to "ea' ,th practca' st$&
atons) Ath therape$tc s$pport an" practca'
#ana+e#ent of 'fe st$atons co#es re'ef an"
the possb'ty of ether stoppn+ therapy ha*&
n+ +ane" so#e respte or +on+ "eeper an"
,or5n+ ,th $n"er'yn+ ss$es)
The "lateau created #y the schi!oid
com"ro*mise At ths sta+e the sch!o" patent
$s$a''y has a *a+$e sense that so#ethn+ s
#ssn+( that so#ethn+ #ore n 'fe s
possb'e) So#e&t#es ths fo''o,s ,or5 at the
pre*o$s sta+e@ so#et#es patents be+n
therapy at ths sta+e) There s often resstance
to or fear of +on+
"eeper as ,e'' as fear of ben+ #ore "epen"ent
on the therapst) The patent $s$a''y fee's sha#e
at hs or her ,ea5ness an" nee" an" fears
co''apse f the se'f beco#es too ,ea5)
Patents #ay stab'!e at ths sta+e an" fee'
so#e,hat better) It s a sta+e character!e" by
the sch!o" co#pro#se( a'bet ,th so#e be&
+nnn+ e-p'oraton nto the t,n fears of ben+
#ore connecte" or #ore separate) Ho,e*er( at
so#e pont the patent #$st "ec"e ,hether to
stay n therapy an" +o "eeper or 'ea*e) Ths
"epen"s n 'ar+e part on ho, resstance fears
are "ea't ,th( ho, the re'atonshp "e*e'ops(
an" the s$pports a*a'ab'e to the patent)
Deeper ,or5 be+ns ,th the "e*e'op#ent of
the therape$tc re'atonshp an" as the patent
beco#es a,are of an" "ea's ,th fee'n+s
abo$t the therapy tse'f) If the patent stays
,th fee'n+s an" be'efs that arse( the fear an"
sha#e are $s$a''y too stron+ to s$pport #ore
nt#ate ,or5 ##e"ate'y) 8$t fro# the ha'f
safety of the co#pro#se poston( the patent
an" therapst can "e*e'op the re'atonshp as
,e'' as +reater a,areness an" centern+ s5''s)
Gra"$a''y( the fear an" sha#e ,'' "ecrease
eno$+h to +o step&by&step beneath the p'atea$)
Going #elo+ the "lateau So#e patents ob&
tan eno$+h re'ef by ths pont an" "ec"e to
'ea*e therapy rather than co#p'etn+ the "eeper
,or5) They are 'eft '*n+ a ha'f&n an" ha'f&o$t
'fe( b$t perhaps ,th #ore co#fort( connec&
ton( an" connecton ,h'e separatn+) Patents
can s$r**e here an" perhaps e*en be tho$+ht
of as 'ea"n+ '*es of or"nary h$#an $nhapp&
ness) Other patents at ths sta+e ,'' 6ta5e a
brea56 fro# therapy an" p'an to ret$rn)
Gon+ "eeper s "ffc$'t an" t#e cons$#&
n+) It #eans reachn+ the 'e*e' at ,hch the
nner( re+resse"( core #atera' s "ea't ,th
an" rea' character reor+an!aton can occ$r)
Ho,&e*er( e*en after the fear s re'at*e'y
,or5e" thro$+h( the re#ann+ sha#e re%$res
a tre&#en"o$s a#o$nt of ,or5 ,h'e tr$st
"e*e'ops an" the pre*erba'( nfant'e 'e*e's of
the se'f are ,or5e" thro$+h)
Inter"ersonal contact and intra"sychic +ork
At each sta+e there s a correspon"ence
bet,een the nterpersona' contact or re'aton&
shp "e*e'op#ent bet,een therapst an" patent
<=
an" a,areness ,or5 on the po,erf$' nner
nee"s an" terrors ths contact aro$ses) The pa&
tent $s$a''y fears that these nee"s an"
fee'n+s #+ht be so ntense that they ,''
"estroy the se'f an" the therapst) The patent
s a'so often terrfe" that hs or her e+o ,''
brea5 "o,n as the se'f s e-perence" #ore
f$''y) The e-per&ence of no nt#ate h$#an
re'ate"ness an" the acco#panyn+ e-perence
of ben+ $tter'y a'one s $n"erstan"ab'y
terrfyn+) It s often e-perence" as 6b'ac5
abyss)6 ;o one n the sch!o" patentJs past
has $n"erstoo" the tr$e( core se'f)
Th$s t s not s$rprsn+ to fn" tenaco$s re&
sstance at ths sta+e) After a''( #antann+ ba"
nterna' ob?ects #ay ,e'' see# preferab'e to
ha*e no nterna' ob?ects at a'') Ths s one rea&
son that "eep tr$st an" fo$n"aton ,or5 #$st
be "one before "eeper ,or5n+ thro$+h can be
both safe an" effect*e)
T,o re'ate" %$estons arse for the patent at
ths pontD Can the therapst be of #ore $se
than the patentJs parents ,ere( an" can the pa&
tent stan" ben+ a,are of hs or her ear'y( core
#atera'H
Additional *uidelines
(elationshi" 8$'" s$pport for +oo" bo$n"&
ares an" +oo" contact) Pro*"e a safe en*ron&
#ent) Aatch for the t,n "an+ers of ntr$son
an" aban"on#ent) Do not "o ,hat the patent
e-perences as ntr$s*e7not e*en n a +oo"
ca$se) ;ee"'ess to say( aban"on#ent s not a
+oo" thn+) 8e contactf$'( e#otona''y "rect
an" open( an" easy+on+) Iet the re'atonshp
b$'" ,th t#e( carn+( an" acceptance) 8e n&
*tn+ b$t not ntr$s*e) The +oa' s contact( not
#o*n+ the patent so#e,here) I"entfy an"
*a'"ate the patentJs e-perence $sn+ e#&
pathc ref'ectons) Iet t be OL that tr$st b$'"s
+ra"$a''y an" that #o*e#ent s s'o,)
'ontact the hidden. isolated core self The
patent nee"s the therapst to contact the pa&
tentJs core se'f so that he or she can fee' '5e
a person) The sch!o" patent cannot "o ths
for h#se'f or herse'f) The trc5 s to "o t
,tho$t ben+ ntr$s*e or confront*e) Ths s
"one by +oo" contact( e-per#ents an" ref'ec&
tons( an" a stea"y( n*tn+ presence) Cathartc
re'ease of e#otons s not he'pf$' ,th the
sch!o" patent $n'ess e-presse" by the core
se'f)
Re#e#ber that resstance to a,areness an"
contact ,as necessary for s$r**a' an" #ay
st'' be) Respect t an" brn+ t nto a,areness
as so#ethn+ to be accepte") Ath ths a,are&
ness co#es a choce that the patent "" not
ha*e pre*o$s'y)
Aor5 on nte+ratn+ parts of the se'fD "esre
an" "rea"( act*e an" pass*e core se'*es(
nterna' attac5er an" core se'f)
In +ro$p n*te partcpaton b$t a''o, the
sch!o" patent to p'ay a pass*e ro'e ,tho$t
ben+ pe?orat*e) Fo''o, the patentJs 'ea"
abo$t t#n+) If the patent ,ants to contn$e
an" fee's asha#e" of ho, 'on+ t s ta5n+( of&
fer s$pport by ac5no,'e"+n+ pro+ress 0tr$th&
f$''y on'y4( c'arfyn+ ,hat s n process an"
,hat s ne-t( an" nor#a'!n+ the 'en+thness
0tr$thf$''y on'y4)
Audience +uestions and ,$ Answers
5uestion- Ahat 5n" of contract "o yo$
#a5e for contn$n+ therapy ,th sch!o" pa&
tentsH
Ans+er- I "onJt #a5e e-p'ct contracts) I
,or5 n a here&an"&no, #o"e so IJ# not s$re
ho, to ans,er that %$eston) I try to be as
stra+htfor,ar" as I can abo$t ,hat can be
"one n therapy an" ho, 'on+ t ta5es) ItJs the
on'y ,ay I 5no, to ,or5 ,th ,hat s e#er+&
n+ rather than ,th so#ethn+ preset)
5uestion- Transactona' ana'ysts $se con&tracts(
partc$'ar'y n +ro$ps) E*eryone has a contract(
an" +ro$p #e#bers a'' 5no, ,hat contracts the
other #e#bers ha*e) Ahen so#e&one ne, ?ons
the +ro$p( that person str$++'es to "ec"e ,hat hs
or her contract s) IJ*e e-&perence" sch!o"
patents repeatn+ the sa#e contract for years( an"
IJ# ,on"ern+ f
yo$J*e "ea't ,th that)
Ans+er- I +$ess t ,o$'" be approprate to
as5 the person ,hat he or she ,ants to foc$s
on an" to +et o$t of the +ro$p7or o$t of n&
"*"$a' therapy) That #ay be the ro$+h e%$*&
a'ent of a contract) 8$t f e*erybo"y e'se n
+ro$p has a contract( IJ# not s$re ho, I ,o$'"
han"'e that) I ,o$'" not ,ant to sn+'e o$t a
<1
sch!o" patent as ben+ too "efect*e to ha*e
a contract)
5uestion- Ahat are so#e of the 'ess ob*o$s
c$es for connecton an" "sconnectonH
Ans+er- Eye contact( chan+e of faca' co'or(
#$sc'e t+htenn+) ThereJs a s$bt'e ncrease n
the %$a'ty of connectn+ n the eyes ,th a
connecton) Ath "sconnecton( the ener+y
#o*es a,ay( the co'or n the face chan+es(
an" often the breath s he'") There are a'so
c$es n the f'o, of speech( especa''y n
f'$ency) The strea# of ta'5 beco#es b'oc5e"
or "sr$pte" ,hen the patent "sconnects)
5uestion- P'ease say so#ethn+ abo$t the
+esta't techn%$es that yo$ $se ,th sch!o"
patents an" ho, they "ffer fro# tra"tona'
psychoana'ytc approaches)
Ans+er- Frst( IJ" be caref$' abo$t tech&
n%$es( nc'$"n+ +esta't techn%$es) I ,o$'"
'ea" ,th the para"o-ca' theory of chan+e(
a'tho$+h #any +esta't therapsts "onJt operate
that ,ay) They p$'' $p the e#pty char or the
p''o,s to po$n" ,tho$t re+ar" to ,hatJs hap&
penn+ n the re'atonshp) 1 "o not a"*ocate
that at a'')
Gesta't e-per#ents that are #ore nterper&
sona''y contactf$' are #ore s$tab'e for sch!&
o" patents than the e#pty char) Ths ,o$'"
nc'$"e( for e-a#p'e( e-per#ents that n&
*o'*e" 'oo5n+ at yo$ 0or others n a +ro$p4
an" #antann+ +oo" breathn+) E-per#ents
that n*o'*e e-p'orn+ "stance can a'so be $se&
f$'( for e-a#p'e( #o*n+ c'ose an" then a,ay)
One can ether #o*e aro$n" the roo# n "on+
ths or chan+e the poston of charsD 6Ho, "o
yo$ fee' f I #o*e c'oserH6 Then yo$ obser*e
to see ,hat the patent "oes( for e-a#p'e( f he
or she ,ants #ore "stanceD Does he or she
p$sh #e a,ayH S+na' #e a,ayH Ta5e no ac&
tonH S$pportn+ the fee'n+ an" #o*e#ent
,th +oo" breathn+ s cr$ca') Ahen t be&
co#es spontaneo$s'y ob*o$s that there s an
nterna' conf'ct one can e-per#ent ,th an
nterna' "a'o+$e bet,een the parts $sn+ t,o
chars or other for#s of ro'e p'ayn+) I ha*e
a'so "one ths 5n" of e-p'oraton $sn+ psy&
cho"ra#a techn%$es rather than the e#pty
char) I "onJt $se a 'ot of techn%$es( b$t they
can be $sef$' n ths ,ay7as 'on+ as they are
,thn an e#phass on the re'atonshp( are not
$se" to a*o" patent&therapst contact( are
arran+e" #$t$a''y by therapst an" patent( an"
"o not beco#e an en" n the#se'*es)
5uestion- .ore on contact an" "stancn+D
As yo$ obser*e the c$es yo$ #entone"( ho,
"o yo$ a*o" the para"o- of pontn+ o$t con&
tact an" the patent fee'n+ ntr$"e" on or
pontn+ o$t "stance an" the patent fee'n+
so#e 5n" of aban"on#entH
Ans+er- Or fee'n+ crtc!e" #ere'y beca$se
of the obser*aton) 1 "onJt thn5 yo$ can a*o"
that) I try to be caref$' ,th #y o,n se'f&
a,areness an" not "ece*e #yse'f abo$t ,hat
I a# act$a''y fee'n+ an" "on+) A# I rea''y
tryn+ to connect ,th ,hat s e#er+n+( for
e-a#p'e( the "stance ss$e( or a# 1 fee'n+
?$"+#enta' or a#n+ at chan+n+ the patentH I
try to notce ,hat happens ,hen I #a5e an
obser*aton) If the patent fee's crtc!e" an" I
can be open to that7an" not ha*e to "efen" #y
honor as a therapst( so to spea57then I can
,or5 ,th the patent fee'n+ ntr$"e" on or
fee'n+ IJ# ,atchn+ the# so c'ose'y that theyJre
'5e a b$+ on a boar") 1 pay partc$'ar attenton
to the conte-t an" to the s$bte-t of ho, I #a"e
#y obser*aton) If I a# tense( off&han"e"(
sarcastc( f'at( an" so on t #ay be re'e*ant to
,hy the patent fee's ntr$"e" on) Yo$ ,or5 ,th
the patentJs e-perence open'y( ,tho$t
ass$#n+ yo$ are not a part of the prob'e#) If
yo$ are open( the patent ,'' pc5 $p yo$r
openness n e-p'orn+ the nteracton bet,een
h# or her an" yo$) If the therapst s not
"efens*e an" s open( the nteracton can be
$sef$'( an" a breach n the re'atonshp or safety
can often be repare") An" n the repar( there s
often +ro,th s$ch that the re'atonshp an" the
patent are stron+er)
Often ,hat e#er+es s that the e-pos$re the
patent fee's on hearn+ the therapstJs obser*a&
ton tr++ers sha#e n h# or her) Ths #$st be
e-p'ore" an" respecte") The therapst #$st ta5e
responsb'ty for ben+ part of that pro&cess)
Ho,e*er( yo$ canJt be too caref$' abo$t tryn+
to a*o" s$ch rs5s an" st'' be an effec&t*e
therapst) Ae can on'y be senst*e( a,are of
the conte-t( o$r patents( o$r #oo"( an" ho,
,e are present( an" be ,''n+ to repar)
<<
5uestion6 I be'e*e yo$ sa" sch!o" pa&
tents often fee' h$#an'y connecte" ,h'e n
so'aton ,tho$t ben+)) ) )
Ans+er- Enfort$nate'y they "onJt) They
,ant an" nee" to fee' h$#an'y connecte"
,h'e they are separate") They ,'' often s$b&
stt$te ben+ connecte" sy#bo'ca''y7for e-&
a#p'e( n "rea# #a+ery or fantasy)
5uestion- For 11 years I ,or5e" ,th a se&
*ere'y sch!o" patent ,ho ,as "a+nose" as
an e-tro*erte" sch!o") He ha" s$ch a stron+
nee" to be n contact an" co##$nty that t
appeare" as an 6as f se'f) 8$t nterna''y there
,as ths se*ere sch!o" process +on+ on( an"
I ha" to ,or5 har" to $n"o that e-tro*erte"
%$a'ty7n the 9$n+an sense that he ca#e nto
the ,or'" ,th that nnate e-tro*erte" se'f)
Ahat "o yo$ thn5 abo$t s$ch an n"*"$a'H
Ans+er- I "onJt 5no, abo$t the nnate se'f
fro# the 9$n+an stan"pont) One of the ,ays
that peop'e ,th sch!o" ss$es often present
to the ,or'" s ,th e-tro*erte" beha*or( ,th
sch!o" processes $n"erneath) Often I a# s$r&
prse" at ho, #$ch sha#e an" sch!o" pro&
cess can be fo$n" n peop'e ,ho appear to be
*ery e-tro*erte") They ,'' e-perence ths
the#se'*es( ,th s$rprse( ,hen they +et to a
"eeper 'e*e' of a,areness) 1 see a 'ot of the
sch!o" process $n"er'yn+ apparent'y e-tro&
*erte"( hysterca'( "ra#atc beha*or) That s
part of ,hy so#e peop'e thn5 that the sch!o"
process $n"er'es e*erythn+) E*en e-tro*erts
,ho #a5e +oo" soca' contact re*ea' sch!o"
ss$es ,hen yo$ +et to an nt#ate 'e*e' ,th
the# or +et beneath the ,or"s)
(ichard 7rskine 8moderator9- I apprecate
the broa" theoretca' o*er*e, yo$ ha*e of&
fere" $s( Gary( an" ho, #$ch yo$ ha*e con&
"ense" nto ths short presentaton) To s$##a&
r!e a bt( I thn5 perhaps one of the #ost #&
portant thn+s yo$ ha*e been sayn+7an"
so#ethn+ that nee"s to be e#phas!e"7s that
the sch!o" process s often not obser*&ab'e)
Fre%$ent'y( sch!o" patents present as h+h'y
f$nctonn+ n"*"$a's( an" t s on'y thro$+h
pheno#eno'o+ca' e-perence that they an" ,e
co#e to $n"erstan" an" apprecate the sch!o"
processes that $n"er'e so #$ch of ther '*es)
Gary Yontef. %h$. FA'lin% is a Fello+ of
the Academy of 'linical %sychology and a
$i"lomate in 'linical %sychology 8A:%%9
Along +ith ;ynne <aco#s %h$. he co
founded and codirects the Gestalt Thera"y
Institute of the %acific. a contem"orary gestalt
thera"y training institute =e +as formerly
"resident of the Gestalt Thera"y Institute of
;os Angeles and for 1> years headed its
training "rogram =e is an editorial mem#er of
The Gesta't 9o$rna'( editorial advisor of the
8rtsh Gesta't 9o$rna'( and chairman of the
7&ecutive :oard of the International Gestalt
Thera"y Associa*tion =is #ook. A,areness(
Da'o+$e an" Pro&cessD Essays on Gesta't
Therapy( has #een translated into four
languages =e has also +ritten over ?0 articles
and cha"ters on ges*talt thera"y theory and
"ractice =e +as for*merly on the 1';A
%sychology $e"artment faculty and chairman
of the %rofessional 'onduct 'ommittee of the
;os Angeles 'ounty %sychological
Association %lease send re"rint re,uests to
$r Yontef at 1@A0 Bth St. Suite ?01. Santa
Conica. 'A 90@01*2A?2 or contact him via
email at gyonlefD#igfootcom
REFERE;CES
A#ercan Psychatrc Assocaton 012234) $iagnostic and
statistical manual of mental disorders 03th e")4)
Aash&
n+ton) DC@ A$thor)
8esser( A) 012>=4) The para"o-ca' theory of chan+e) In 9)
Fa+an K 1) I) Shepher" 0E"s(4) Geslalt thera"y no+-
Theory. techni,ues. a""lications 0pp) >>&B=4) Pa'o A'to(
CAD Scence an" 8eha*or 8oo5s)
8$ber( .) 012FGa4) :ehveen man and man 0R) G) S#th(
Trans)4) ;e, Yor5D .ac#''an)
8$ber( .) 012FGb4) The kno+ledge of man- A "hiloso"hy
of the interhuman 0.) S) Fre"#an K R) G) S#th(
Trans)4) ;e, Yor5D Harper K Ro,)
8$ber( .) 012F>4) A #elieving humanism- Gleanings8C
S) Fre"#an( Trans)4) ;e, Yor5D S#on K Sch$ster
O$ntrp( H) 012F24) Schi!oid "henomena. o#Eect
relations and
the self ;e, Yor5D Internatona' En*erstes Press)
Hycner) R)( K 9acobs( I) 0122G4) The healing relationshi"
in gestalt thera"y- A dialogic self "sychology ;e,
Yor5D Gesta't 9o$rna' Press)
Iee( R)( K Ahee'er( G) 0122F4) The voice of shame-
Silence and connection in "sychothera"y San Fran&
cscoD 9ossey&8ass)
Ste#( D) ;) 012BG4) The inter"ersonal +orld of the
infant- A vie+ from "sychoanalysis and develo"mental
"sy*chology ;e, Yor5D 8asc 8oo5s)
Yontef( G) 0122:4) A+areness. dialogue and "rocess-
7ssays on gestalt thera"y ;e, Yor5D Gesta't 9o$rna'
Press)
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Psychotherapy of Schizoid Process: Gary Yontef

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