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Don’t repeat the mistakes of your father
http://thenationonlineng.net/web2/articles/8142/1/Dont-repeat-the-mistakes-of-your-
father/Page1.html
By Olufemi Fasanya
Published on 27/06/2009

I was recently having a discussion with a young man who had got married not long ago;
thank God for MTN free night call.

I was recently having a discussion with a young man who had got married not long ago; thank God for
MTN free night call.

My advice to him was the need to guard his family from the past mistakes; I said to him, "There is a thin
line that divides the past from the present and the present from the future."

Really, if a father doesn’t walk in this consciousness, it’s easy for him to repeat the mistakes of his own
father. I guess some of the readers of this column may in time past had called their fathers irresponsible and
a bad example for his children. Yet, inside of everyone is the likeness of the man who gave birth to them. I
feel that our children, just as we assessed our own dads will be the one who will make conclusions about us
too.

My cry to fathers in today’s column is; ‘don’t repeat the mistakes of your father’. Life is like a vicious
cycle. History, when it’s not learnt from, always repeats itself. However, the impact of the repetition of
history is often at a varying degree to that of the present; that of the present is far worst.

I will want every father who will read this column to do reminiscence of the past and learn from the
parenting approach of their parents. They should objectively look at the constructive and negative impact of
how they were brought up.

Permit me to say that you can learn from the past, but it can be a colossal mistake to use the approach of
your parents in the change of present trend of event. For instance, it’s wrong to impose on your children the
course they ought to study; the wife they should get married to by imposing cultural superiority on them;
by turning your children against other cultures, etc.

Years back, I can quite remember up till date going to a friend’s house and being treated by his father like
an enemy because I am a Yoruba and they were Igbo (some Igbos’ have had similar experience too). The
civil war thing just keeps living in the heart of many parents and they keep passing the hatred on from
generation to generation. Even there are tribes who consider it a taboo to get married to people from a
particular tribe. Thus, ethnic problem still exists in the country.

If a child has bias for a group or culture, 80 per cent of his or her education was imparted into him or her by
his/her father. The father is the one who unconsciously educates his children on love, respect for humanity
and the law. He is the major influence of his family. The hatred that is pominent in the world today is due
to the fact that children have been taught to hate by a father who has lived under some bitter experiences.
Some fathers merely follow what their fathers taught them without asking questions. Some, because they
are not conscious of observing past events in their family, had repeated far worse than what their own
fathers had done. The reality is that it leaves a negative impact on the lives of their children. Here is the
story that I believe will help buttress my point…

Kemi, at the early stage of her life grew in a home where there was love and care richly shared by her
parents to one anther and to the children. She could still remember how her dad would come home after a
tiring day’s work, but would still spend some time with them, finding out how they were doing with their
academics and getting them to talk about all the exciting events they had gone through in the day. She saw
how dad ate his meals with praises to his wife everyday. The only challeng the family had then was
finance. Though their dad was hardworking, he just was not making enough money to meet the needs of the
home. She could remember the number of times her school fee was not paid in time and she and her
siblings were sent home. Yet, the peace and joy at home was something that remained strong in her heart
until things changed for the better for her dad.

Luck smiled on her dad when he got promoted to head the Abuja branch of his company, Thus, the
financial challenge of the family became a thing of the past. However, something very vital also became
the thing of the past; her dad was rarely ever available at home. His excuse was that the job has become
more tasking and demanding. He saw no reason for his family to move down with him to Abuja, giving
excuses that weren’t tenable. Not along time afterwards, a friend of mum came with the news that dad was
having an extra marital affair; when mum confronted him on the issue, he bluntly denied it. Three years
after getting his appointment in the federal capital, he came home with one of his brothers to inform mum
that he has taken another wife who has a child for him already.

Not long ago, I observe that the family he came from is polygamous. His father and three of his four male
siblings also follow that path. Their story is that when things get better financially for them, they end up
with a second or more wives.

My fear presently is that I am dating a guy who is from a polygamous home, and I am afraid of continuing
with the relationship because of the fear of the past.

The question I will like to ask you as a father is, ‘what do you want your children’s future to be like?’
Irrespective of how much money you are spending on them, what they will eventually become is, who you
are. Break the cycle of event that you don’t like from the way you grew up and let your own children have
a clean break because they represent the outcome of the future.

Femi Fasanya can be contacted on

08037257479, 08083906405

www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com