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PROLOGUETHEHERO'SREMINISCENCES
Itwasabouttwomonthsaftermy mother diedin childbirththatIfirstlaideyesonmygrandfather.I was six yeanold atthe time.Untilthatsuddenencounter,I hadnot even knownofhis existence.Itwasevening,andIwas sittingidly outsideourfrontgate. Astrangeoldmancameandstoodoverme.He stoopedalittle,hiseyesweresunken,andtherewasabouthim a general airofseediness.Itookaninstantdisliketohim.Smilingunnaturallyhe madeasf to talk to me.In spiteIrefirsedtomeethiseyes,andstaredat theground.The turnedupmouth,thedeeplycreasedskinaroundit-everythingabouthimwas"o*-orr.;Goaway,"Iwantedto tellhim.I relirsedto lookup.Buttheoldmancontinuedtostandin frontof me, untilI couldnotbearhispresenceanylonger.Igot up and ranthroughthegate.Theoldmancalledoutfrom behind,"He/,areyou Kensaku?"Ifeltasthoughthewordshad struckmeablow-I stoppedandturnedaround.I wasaswary asbefore, butfromhabitperhaPs,mYheadnoddedobedientlYi'Isyour dadhome?"he asked.I shookmy head.Thefamiliarityofhis tonefilledmewithforeboding.He walkeduptomeandputhishandonmyhead."You've
grown.tt
I had noideawhothisoldman was;butalreadyI had thepremo-nition thathere wassomeonecloselytiedto mebyblood.I stoodthererigidly,almostsuffccating.Theoldman saidnomore' andleft.Heappearedagaintwo orthreedayslater,andthistimemyfatherintroducedhimtome asmy grandfather.Then, tendaysafterthat,Iwassentoff tolive withhim-Hiswasasmall, oldhouse,hiddendeepin a sidestreet nearOgyomatsuinNegishi.Andherewithmygrandfatherlived awomanin herearlytwentiesnamedOei.15
 
MynewsurroundingswerequitedifferentfromwhatIhadbeenusedto.Noweverythingsmelledofpovertyandvulgarity.AndIcouldnotbutwonderresentfullywhyofthechildren"i'myfamilyfaloneshouldhavebeenmadetocomeandlivewith,ii,.o**o'oldman.ButitdidnotoccurtometoaskanyonewhyIhadbeensounfairlytreated,orsincemyinfancyI hadcometoexpectnjustice.Ofcoursethereweretimeswheniwouldbecome.rug,r.lyawarethatfortherestopmylifeIwourdcontinuetoencountersuchun-fairness;andthenIwouldfeerorrorn,andmissmymotherwhohaddiedtwomonthsbefore.OnecouldnotsaythatintheyearsI livedwithmyparenrs,myfatherwaseverpositively,openlycrueltome.Butalways,alwayshewas-cold'Isupposehalcometotakehiscordnessomuchforgrantedthatanyotherkindof rerationshipbetweenatherandsonwasinconceivableome.Ididnotthinkioaskmyserfwhetherhisbehaviortowardhisotherchildrenwasnanywaydifferent;andIfeltnoparticularsadnesshatheshouldtreatmeashedid.Mymotherwasnclinedtobeharshwithme,andscoldedmeateveryturn'True,Iwasawillfulanddisobedientchild.Butoften,itwouldseem,shewouldpunishonlymefordoingexactlywhatmybrother,too,wasdoing.llov.dmymotherdeeply,nevertheless.
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rmusthavebeenfourorfiveatthetime.rtwasanautumnevening.Seeinghateveryolewasbusypreparingdinner,Icreptoutofthehouse,andusinga radderthathaibeenleft*reaninggainstheservants'avatory,Iclimbedtothetopofthemainroof.Icrawredalongtheridgetothelargeendtileanistraddredt.Ifeltsuddenlyjo4l,andbegantosingatthetopofmyvoice.NeverhadIsatinsuchahighplace.Thepersim*or,i..r,somuchtallerthanIbefore,nowwasbeneathme.Thewesternskyglowedwiththesettingsun.Andtherewerecrows,lyingaboutrestlessly"Kensaku.Kensaku.,,ftwasmymother,callingmeinavoicethatwaseerilysoftandcaressirrg.,Stuywhereyouare,understand?Don'tmove,please.yamamoiowillbewithyouinaminute.Pleaseistentome,andbeabsolutelystill.,,16Theskinaroundhereyesseemedautassheookedatme. AndfromtheunnaturalgentlenessfhermannerI knew thatsomethingo,rit.o.rtoftheordinarywashappening.IdecidedhatIwouldtrytogodo*r,beforeYamamotocouldget tome. slowlyI pushedmy-selibackalittlealongtheridge."Oh,no!"Mymotherlookedasthoughshewasabouttocry."Don'tmove, please,Kensaku'Be agoodboYandlistentome!""I,*u,hereyes,staringwith astrangententnessntomine, thatforcedmetobestill'InalittlewhileYamamotoand anothermanservantreachedme,andguidedmedowngingerlY'Ofcoursemymothergaveme a severebeating.Thenfromthestrainsheburstoutcrying'Mymemoryofthisincident gainednew claritywhenshewasgone'Foryearsafier,myeyeswouldfillwith tearswheneverrememberedit.AndIhavethoughttomyself: whateverelse,mymotherat leastlovedmeverymuch.***Iamcertainthishappenedataboutthe sameime,thoughwhatcamebeforeorafter,Icannotremember.Iwaslyingaloneon thefloorof themorningroom,daydreaming'Thedooropened,andmy fatherwalkedin. Hemusthaveustcomehome.SayingnothinghewalkedPastme to thecupboardand tookoutofhissleevepocketa smallpackagewhichhe placedontoPofit. Ilaystillashewalkedoutof theroom,myeyesixedonthepackage.Iknewithadcomefroma cakeshoP.Amomentlaterhe was back.Thistimehe openedthecupboarddoorandcarefullypur awaythe package.Again withoutawordhelefttheroom.Darknessseemedsuddenlyto fallaroundme asIlaytherebroodingovertheslight.And by thetimemymothercamentotheadjoiningroomto putawaymyfather'sstreetclothes,I wasin avery blackmood,desperatelyneedinganoutletfortheintenseresent-ment thathadbuiltupinsideme."Mama,I want somecake""Whatareyou saying!"shesaidangrily.Indeed,Ihad onlyafew
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