the

After

A novel, by Briane F. Pagel, Jr.1

One:

Saoirse tried not to think of how much she hated airplanes, something that wouldhave been impossible had she known for certain that the plane she was going to boardsoon would crash shortly after that. It was going to crash, but she didn’t truly

know

that.She just believed it, at this point.The plane ride was only going to be four hours, but, Saoirse thought, she wouldspend two and one-half hours waiting for the plan, plus another two and one-half hours inthe airport for the trip back in five days, so that plus four hours on the plane each waymeant that she’d be spending 13 of the next 120 hours on or around an airplane.Or so she thought.She did those calculations sitting in the passenger seat as they pulled off of themain road and approached the airport. She watched as the line of cars ahead of and behind them trundled slowly up to the gate, waited for their ticket, and then pulled intothe parking lot.“Do you want me to drop you at the gate?” asked Ansel. He was happy, excited.He liked to travel, liked packing, liked airplanes. He liked going to new places, seeingnew things. He liked the change of scenery and the freedom of not getting up to go towork and the ability to read the whole paper and, he always said, he especially liked thatonce he was on the plane there was nothing to do but sit and enjoy the flight and mayberead. Ansel had his book with him, a book he didn’t even put in his carry-on, but carriedin his pocket.2

Saoirse considered his offer: Would it be better for her to try to guard the luggageat the gate and also keep tabs on the kids while waiting for him to get to and from thelong-term lot, or should she and the kids all help unload the luggage and drag that aroundthe parking lot while trying to keep the kids from getting run over, getting them all ontothe shuttle?Then she tried very, very hard to banish those thoughts and think something pleasant. That was a new idea she’d heard people suggest: when things gotoverwhelming and she went negative, she’d heard she should

think of something pleasant.

So here, in the car, not long before her plane would crash, she tried to focus onthe way the sun on her back would feel as she laid on the beach maybe later thatafternoon. But it was hard to picture the sun when she sat in the dark and cold car. It was4:30 in the morning, and as she tried to picture the beach all she could think about washow Austin would likely not be helpful with Chuck and Stephanie would probably bemoping anyway and Ansel would be distracted by his book or his camera. In the end, shethought she would not be lying on the beach dozing, but instead would have to be makingsure that Chuck did not get eaten by a shark and other motherly tasks. Focusing on those,on the things she would have to do instead of relaxing, for some reason, took her mindoff the impending plane ride.“Drop us at the gate,” she said, finally. She sighed, and when Ansel did not look at her she thought her exhalation might be imperceptible. They drove up to the terminal,where Ansel put the van into park and Saoirse opened her door. She stepped out onto thesidewalk and left her leg there for just a second. She grimaced.She had a bad feeling.3