Love Systems Insider
Date: April 2007
He Said / She Said (Part I)
In the past, we've occasionally used the "he said / she said" format (it's been one of our most popular features and we're always getting requests for more). First, I describe a dating situation from a man's point of view, and then look at the same events from a woman's perspective. Then we look at "whatreally happened" and break down the man's successes and failures. These examples usually raise a lot of issues, so the "what really happened" section usually includes references for more information on specifictopics.Some readers have found it useful to read through the "he said" portion of these and try to evaluate whatthe man did right and wrong before reading the conclusions. It's up to you.
I was having drinks after work with a few friends, and I saw someone I was interested in at the bar, withanother man. I waited until he went to the bathroom and then approached her. I used an opinion opener tostart the conversation. Because I knew I wouldn't have much time before the other man came back, I cutoff that conversation quickly and went into some transitioning and attraction material. She seemed reallyinto me, so I got her number quickly before the other man came back. She seemed a bit hesitant, so I toldher that I promote a lot of high-end social events in the area and I wanted to add her to the list. It worked!The people I was with were really impressed and high-fived me when I got back to my table. I was "theman" for the next couple hours. I loved it.
I stopped to have drinks with a friend on the way to a show. Some guy approached me out of nowhereand he was pretty funny and interesting. He said he was a promoter, which was cool, so I gave him mycell phone number so he could add me to his list for local events. I thought it was weird that his friendsseemed to be cheering him on afterward, but maybe they were celebrating something else.
What really happened:
Let's start with what Michael did right. He had the guts to approach the woman (also known as opening)as soon as he saw an opportunity. He was able to open correctly, and he followed the appropriate path of Approaching, then Transitioning, then Attracting (if you don't know what these terms mean, you need toreview the structure of theEmotional Progression Model
). He knew enough to move out of the opener assoon as he saw an opportunity (this is a really good habit). He seemed funny and "interesting" to Maria.Those are all good things – Michael has a very solid foundation of skills.Michael made a couple of big mistakes. The first was getting a phone number that will probably beuseless. Maria thinks that Michael is a high-end promoter, so presumably he would have access to many