EXPERIENCE

THE
MAHARAJA FOR A DAY
Our turbans trailed from the 1946 open-air
Buick 8 Roadmaster as we made our way up
Jodhpurs Chittar Hill and to the palace gates.
Tere she was, Umaid Bhawan Palace, the
worlds largest private residence, and today,
her 28 acres of majestic Indo-deco splendor
was mine.
Cue: fanfare of pounding drums. Sound the
trumpeting Narsingha horns.
BY SCOTT GOETZ
KER & DOWNEY 115
Its my royal entrance. As we make our way around
the drive, an army of Rajasthani guards raises the
silk canopy. Before I can Bravo! the guards for
taking their handlebar mustaches to a literal level, I
am ushered up the stairs, showered in a downpour
of rose petals, greeted with a red-thumb stamp
to the forehead (a holy aarti welcome), draped in
tuberoses, presented with champagne in one hand
and a chilled, rose-scented towel in the other,
and attended by twenty-strong sta, smiling. Im
left high and oating in my head, and only come
to when the general manager, who is shaking my
hand, squeezes it harder. Ten, he says to mein
that does-he-mean-yes-or-does-he-mean-no,
only-in-India wayWe have no plans set for
you. Enjoy the hotel.
Cue: Bollywood whoopee cushion and loser horn.
But I thought I was going to be Maharaja for a
day? I ask with the hint of a whimper.
A Maharaja does anything he wants, sir. You are
the king. Behave like the king. Welcome to Umaid
Bhawan Palace, Maharaja Scott! he answers with a
twinkle in his eye.
Ive been longing to return to Umaid Bhawan Palace
ever since roses fell from the sky when I entered
its hallowed grounds ve years ago. Tey havent
fallen since, despite my pleas. Yearning to go back
to a place is something we all hold onto. Yet, when
remembrance crosses into reality, the oodgates of
fear open and the rush of pending disappointment
crash into the truth of familiarity. Te rst stay was
so incredibly magical. How could I return and not
be let down the second time? Te answer was to go
deeper and capture the essence of Rajasthan. Tis
time I didnt want to tour to the Maharajas palace,
I wanted to live in it. I was to become Maharaja for
a Day.
Cue: Ker & Downey sta frantically working be-
hind the scenes.
MAHARAJA SCOTTS DAY-TWO TO-DO
LIST WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
1. Maharaja Scott declares a day in the life of the
Maharaja is as long as the Maharaja says it is ...
even if its two or three oclock.
2. Breakfast on the lawn. Maharaja entertained by
mating royal peacocks and serenaded by a sitar
player.
...who is obsessed with The Beatles Norwegian
Wood
... which he plays over and over until Maharaja
Scott is done eating his meal.
3. Tour of Maharajas Fort. Maharaja Scott photo
op with my subjects.
... upon royal elephant.
4. Opium tea ceremony in the Thar Desert.
5. Cancel shopping because of number 4. Re-
place with nap on terrace swing.
6. Ask royal butler to call the shop vendors to the
terrace.
7. Buy Etro blankets and Hermes scarves for a
steal.
only to have vendor reveal Bill Murray bought
the same ones, too.
8. Try on emeralds Angelina Jolie didnt snag
when she was playing Maharani at the palace.
... while the royal butler pushes you in swing.
9. Request to reenact the royal entrance.
... with only a 15 minute notice.
10. Take over the entire garden and outside pal-
ace for a royal dinner feast.
... with umbrellas over Maharaja Scotts head at
all times (even though its dark and not raining).
... with royal folk singers and dancers.
... and the guy who plays Norwegian Wood.
... during an amazing display of fireworks.
... solely for the enjoyment of Maharaja Scott.
Returning to the palace was like returning home, but this time, I was
king of the castle and Sikander, the royal butler who made my previ-
ous stay so memorable, was at the ready to escort me with white-
gloved attention to a private wing with a crystal fountain courtyard
and a pair of suites anked by two tigersas if to guard the utopian
world of highness and lifestyle behind royal walls. To the left, Te
Maharaja Suite: the den of Maharaja Umaid Singh, who reveled in its
robust, masculine deco virtue (and where I chose to draft letters of
war over jazz and cocktails). To the right, the Maharani Suite: designed
for and graced by Umaid Singhs' Maharani. Everything inside is pink,
black, chrome, gold and mirror. I mean really pinkpink zebra up-
holstery, pink drapes, pink sinks, pink bath carved out of one piece of
pink marble and a pink terraced balcony that oers spellbinding views
of the pink Mehrangarh Fort.
What does a Maharaja do when enveloped by such rosy hue? Simple.
He sits in his private hair salon and has Sikander teach the ne art of
turban tying. (Indeed, the turban was pink.) Nine meters of fabric and
endless owing pink champagne turned this lesson into nine meters
of hell. But a Maharaja never shows his weakness. Or at least his butler
doesnt let him. I succumb quickly, enchanted by Sikanders passion
for perfection. In a ash, Im cloaked in a crisp white kurta as we pa-
rade into the halls for a tour of my palace, with the impeccably wound
turban trailing ever so eortlessly behind me.
Pure awe reveals itself on a heritage walk through this architec-
tural astonishment designed by Edwardian master builder Henry V.
Lanchester and built from 1928 to 1943. Tere is no pretending you
are transcending time within these walls. It takes little imagination
to conjure the 3,000 builders who used no mortar and instead xed
each sandstone block in place by chisel. Every stair tells another story.
From the underground, zodiac-tiled pool to the Rajput turrets striding
the colossal Renaissance dome, the 28 acres of history whisper royal
tales of dramatic scale. None so grandiose, however, as the tale of the
interiors and furniture I hear while sitting under the tusks of an el-
ephant in the Trophy Bar. Te ship, carrying his palace full of precious
cargo en-route from England, was bombed and sunk during World
War II. Astounding. Every piece was lost. As if once wasnt enough,
like a true Maharaja, he built it grand, then did it twice. And so did I.
A Maharaja does anything he wants,
sir. You are the king. Behave like the
king. Welcome to Umaid Bhawan
Palace, Maharaja Scott!
Scott Goetz is a leading luxury and adventure expert. The founder of soon-to-launch
FierceTraveler.com, and a contributor to Robb Report and Elite Traveler, he believes
in total immersion to a to connect to a destination and its people. Go big. Go now.
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KER & DOWNEY 117