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The Real Savoy - Being too nice vs. being a jerk

The Real Savoy - Being too nice vs. being a jerk

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Published by Atlas884
http://therealsavoy.blogspot.com

An article on being the nice guy as opposed to being a jerk
http://therealsavoy.blogspot.com

An article on being the nice guy as opposed to being a jerk

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Published by: Atlas884 on Nov 16, 2009
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THE REAL SAVOY
DATING.
SEDUCTION. ADVENTURE. LIFE.
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FRIDAY, APRIL 4, 2008
Being too nice vs. being a jerk 
Most
nice guys
 who read this blog know not to be
the nice guy 
or
too nice
 when meeting women. As a former
nice guy 
myself, I know that this is easier said than done.How hard can it be not to be
nice?
  Well, it can be... for the same reasons that any dating sciencepersonality change can be hard. What we
re doing in the LoveSystems approach (as explained throughMagic Bullets, theLove Systems
Routines Manual, and theInterview Series subscription  and backorders) is calibrating specific aspects of our personality. So, let
s say you were like I was ten years ago... and you need to be
less nice.
 Well, how much less? How do we know when we getit right? And here
s a potential problem. If you could map every attributeof your personality from 1-10, you could probably determine anideal range for every characteristic, and it
s seldom on theextreme. Even among the eight attraction triggers discussed inMagic Bullets(the eight characteristics that virtually all womenrespond to, no matter who they 
or you
are), you can go toofar. Take confidence, for example. Being an 8 out of 10 or a 9 outof 10 in terms of confidence is great. Being 10 out of 10 is... a little bit weird. Women might find that intimidating, or assume you arecovering something up or are weird or inhuman in some way. Well, niceness works the same way. If you made a range where
nice
 was a
1
and
 jerk 
 was a
10,
 you might want to bearound a 6 to an 8. [Don
t take the actual numbers too seriously;this is to illustrate an idea.] And a lot of 
nice guys
are around a 3.  What happens a lot is that guys experiment with being more of a jerk. They get some results. They push a bit more. They get moregreat results. Then inexplicably, some women start havingnegative reactions. What
s happened is that this hypothetical guy is hitting a 9 or a 10on the scale. But it
s hard to realize this, because most men areconsciously or subconsciously changing how they presentthemselves along a bunch of different dimensions. So the guy whois being less nice is also using the Emotional Progression ModelfromMagic Bulletsand delivering great routines adapted from theLove Systems
Routines Manual. Overall he is getting better with women, but this overall improvement masks the fact that he
sgone too far in one area.This happens a LOT. Unless you have access to master instructorslike on aLove Systems
Bootcampwho are experienced andtrained in observing different men approaching women andcoaching them to greater success, it
s nearly impossible for most
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Closing
: try to take a woman home on every approach (set).Too quiet/too passive: be the crazy dancing monkey. And so on...In my experience
and I
 ve trained hundreds of guys in the lastfour years, including several who have gone on to becomeinstructors with Love Systems 
most men need to learn the rangeof useful behavior. Moreover, you need to develop an instinctivefeel for it. You need to get used to the signs you get when you
re being too nice. You need to get used to the signs you get when you
re being too much of a jerk. You need to be able to recognizethese early, when you
re only a little bit outside of the ideal range,so you can calibrate back into it quickly. With practice andexperimentation, this will come naturally. You actually do this already. Let
s use the example of just talkingto a friend. You know what the ideal volume range is fromexperience. But if you come in outside that range
say you
 ve just gotten off the plane and your ears are plugged and you don
trealize how loudly you are talking
you will quickly andinstinctively give yourself the feedback you need to change...often without thinking about it. When you
re too loud, you mightnotice other people looking in your direction more than usual, you might notice your friend shifting his head back and lookingless relaxed, or you might feel a difference in your chest. When you
re being too quiet, your friend will lean in to hear you, hemight look like he is concentrating on what you
re saying morethan normal, and so on. All of these are feedback mechanisms thatlet you modify your behavior. And they work, because you havelots of experience with being too loud or too quiet in normalsocial situations and have learned to modify how you present yourself.Learn how to tell when you
re doing too much or too little of something by being conscious of what results to expect when youdo.Let
s apply this to niceness. What are some signs that you are being too nice?She talks about other men around you.She is comfortable touching you or being touched, but there
s nosexuality behind itShe wishes her boyfriend (or more men in general) were more like you.She doesn
t get dressed up to see you (unless you are going outsomewhere).She takes calls from other men around you.Etc.[This isn
t a checklist. None of these necessarily mean you are toonice, and not all of these signs may appear even when you are being too nice.]Similarly, there are some common signs to be aware of when youare being too much of a jerk:She calls you an
asshole
or
mean
(without smiling). A womancan call you evil, a jerk, bad news, or a player, and still be very attracted to you. Or she can call you anything while smiling. But
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remean and actually want you. Some words have more power thanothers with women; this is something we sometimes get to in ouradvanced 1-1s.She
s not comfortable being alone with you. You
re teasing her or
negging
her and it used to get a positiveresponse but is now getting a negative one. With any change you make, take it to both extremes (too muchand too little) and get used to where the boundaries are. As a more advanced thought, if you
re trying to be less of the
nice guy,
I
 ve had a lot more success teaching men to be
selfish
than to be
 jerks.
 When you
re a jerk, you aredeliberately bringing someone else down. When you
re selfish, you are putting your own needs first. And that
s the problem formost
nice guys.
They put other peoples
needs and wants abovetheir own.I
m not advocating people be selfish for no reason. Only do this if  you are getting the
nice guy 
reactions from women. Cancelplans if you don
t feel like going out or something moreinteresting comes up. Within reason, don
t offer to pick her up,drive her home, etc. Dates should be things that you
d enjoy doing anyway 
this applies whether or not you are normally toonice, and Chapter 17 (Dates) of Magic Bulletsexplains why. When you
re faced with a decision, ask yourself what a selfish person would do. And so on. Another great way to manage your
nice guy 
factor
either upor down
is to pick out and adapt some routines from theLoveSystems
Routines Manual. A routine is just a story or a game or aphrase or anything you can say or do in different situations forthe purpose of succeeding with women. Every routine in theRoutines Manualis introduced with an explanation of when andhow to use it, and from these descriptions you can pick out a few routines that will make you seem more nice and less nice andadapt them for your own reality. Now you can manage yourown
niceness
level!
POSTED BY SAVOY AT8:30 PM LABELS:BEING TOO NICE,NICE GUYS 
3 COMMENTS:
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