COVER STORY
Space invasion
Cross the boundaries at your own risk
By Carol Kinsey Goman
As a consultant and
professional speaker, I
often travel by myself and
frequently dine alone.
This affords me the
opportunity to combine
two of my favorite pastimes:
eating great food and
watching people.
One night at dinner in
an oceanside resort, I noticed
a man and a woman seated
across the room. It was a
beautiful image and it caught
my attention.
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The couple sat in
silhouette, framed by a
large picture window, while
the setting sun turned the
background shades of yellow,
orange, magenta and deep
purple.
Then I began to observe
the couple’s body language.
During the course of the
meal, I watched the man lean
toward the woman – and saw
her respond by pulling away
from him.
He leaned toward her
again – and again she pulled
away. The more the man
leaned forward, the more his
dinner companion would tilt
back.
By dessert, he was almost
sprawled across the table and
she was practically falling off
her chair.
I couldn’t hear a
word they were
saying, but it
was perfectly
obvious
that whatever he
was proposing
– she wasn’t
signing on!
He would have been
much more successful
if he had (literally)
backed off.
Last month I
was reminded of
that episode as
I sat at another
restaurant
watching two
men at the bar.
This time I
was close enough
to overhear their
conversation, so I knew that
one man was in sales and the
other was a potential client.
By the time they’d finished
their drinks, I also knew the
deal was dead. And it wasn’t
anything that was said. In the
midst of a normal “getting-
to-know-you” conversation, I
watched the salesman move
so close to his prospect that
the client began, very slowly,
to inch away.
This went on for some
time, but finally the client
could stand it no longer. He
excused himself to make
a phone call – and left the
restaurant shortly afterward.
One of the easiest
mistakes to make during an
encounter with someone is to
misjudge how much space the
other person needs.
Anthropologist Edward
Hall coined the word
“proxemics” to describe
phenomena like territoriality
among office workers. And
it was he who first noted the
five zones in which people
feel most comfortable dealing
with one another. (It’s as if
we’re standing inside an
invisible bubble that expands
or contracts depending on our
relationships.)
■ The intimate zone (0-18
inches) is reserved for
family and loved ones.
Within this zone we
embrace, touch or whisper.
This close contact is
appropriate only for very
personal relationships.
■ The close personal
zone (1.5-2 feet) is the
“bubble” most people in

the United States like to
keep around us. This zone
is used for interactions
among friends or familiar
and trusted business
partners.
■ A far personal zone (2-4
feet) is for interactions
we prefer to conduct “at
arms length” and in this
zone we can communicate
interest without the
commitment of touching.
■ The social zone (4-12 feet)
is most appropriate for
the majority of most daily
business interactions.
It is where we interact
with new business
acquaintances or at more
formal social affairs.
■ The public zone (over 12
feet) is mostly used for
public speaking.
The amount of space
required to feel comfortable
varies from individual to
individual.
People who don’t like
being touched will tend to
“keep their distance” from
others. People who touch
others while talking will want
to get close enough to do so.
Space can also vary
depending on the amount
of trust in a relationship. A
general rule is: The greater the
distance, the lower the level of
trust.
We also make
assumptions about
relationships based on zones.
If we see two people talking
at a distance of around two
feet from each other, we
assume they are engaged in
the kind of conversation only
possible between those who
know and trust each other.
So, their spatial relationship
becomes part of what is being
communicated.
Gender plays an important
role too. Men who don’t know
each other well tend to keep a
greater distance between them
than women who have just
met.
This difference in
interpersonal distance as
determined by gender is even
true in Web 2.0’s virtual online
worlds (like Second Life)
where many of the rules that
govern personal space in the
physical world can be found in
the virtual world.
And, of course, the
comfortable distance between
participants varies with
culture.
In the U.S. most business
relationships begin in
the social zone. As the
relationships develop and
trust is formed, both parties
may subconsciously decrease
the distance to more personal
zones.
But if one of the parties
moves too close too soon, it
can result in a communication
breakdown.
Those who feel powerful
and confident will usually
control more physical space,
extending their arms and legs
and generally taking up more
room. In doing so, they may
unknowingly infringe on
another person’s territory.
Police interrogators often
use the strategy of sitting
close and crowding a suspect.
This theory of interrogation
assumes that invasion of
the suspect’s personal space
(with no chance for defense)
COVER STORY
will give the officer a Carol Kinsey
psychological advantage. Goman, PhD, is
I’ve also seen managers an author and
keynote speaker
standing uncomfortably
who addresses
close to employees in order to
association,
emphasize their status in the government,
organization. and business
Not a good idea. audiences
Scientists agree that around the
people’s territorial responses world. Her
are primitive and powerful. latest book and
And a mistake here can program topic is
trigger a truly deep-seated The Nonverbal
response. When someone Advantage
comes too close in an – Secrets and
Science of Body
undesirable way, it triggers
Language at
a physiological reaction in
Work.
the other person as heart rate For more
and galvanic skin responses information,
increase. contact Carol
The other person then by phone:
tries to restore the “proper” 510.526.1727,
distance by looking away, email:
stepping behind a barrier CGoman@CKG.
(desk, chair, table), crossing com, or through
their arms to create a barrier, her Web sites:
pulling back to create space, www.CKG.
com and www.
or tucking in the chin as an
Nonverbal.
instinctive move of protection.
Advantage.com.
Getting too close is an
especially improper move in
circumstances where workers,
colleagues or clients are in
danger of feeling emotionally
or physically threatened by
the invasion on their personal
space.
Anyone who oversteps
space boundaries is perceived
as rude, aggressive or socially
clueless.
So keep your distance.
Respecting another person’s
space can help you build
rapport with your colleagues
and close sales with your
clients.
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