• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • CommentGo Back
Download
 
The Time of the Year to Commit to Learning and Growing: Thekids are going back to school and embarking on a new year of learning and acquiring new wisdom. How about you?If we aren’t continually growing and learning then we are dead inthe water. If the way that you have been doing things isn’t exactlyworking for you, then try something different. If you’ve been at-tempting to go it alone, might it be time for you to reach out and
see what else is available? There are innite possibilities awaiting
you. Read on...
An Emotional Divorce
A legal divorce is just that: legal. It has nothing to do whatsoever with divorcing yourself from your ex. That is an entirely differ-ent issue. I was reminded of this recently when I was interviewed by CNN.com. The writer was wondering why people who getdivorced continue to rely on each other much like they did when
they were married. The writer wanted specics, like helping out
with the kid’s schedule, helping out around the house or with
nances.
Life is no Longer What it Was
It is true that all too often we attempt to operate much the sameway we did when we were married. Its partly habit but soon werecognize that we cannot look to our ex for daily support. It is our inability to accept the hard fact that life is no longer what it was
Don’t Miss Out on ourFall Divorce RecoveryTeleclass.Sign Up Now!!!
Do you live in the New Jerseyarea? Shelley will be leadingworkshops this summer on Di-vorce Recovery…Go to
http://www.change-coachshelley.com/life_ coaching_resources/tele-classes.html
to nd a location
near you.
Fall Divorce Recovery-Coaching Offer:
There is no better time to startmaking the changes you want inyour life than right now!
http://www.changecoachshelley.com/why_be_coached/special-offers.html
The Art of Creating Change and Growth in Life
Coaching for Change Newsletter / Vol 11
September 2, 2008
 
and that drives us to seek support, both physical and emotional,from our former partner. When we do that, we keep our link toour ex solidly in place along with all the accompanying emotional baggage. We remain emotionally married and there is no way thatwe can move forward with our lives under those circumstances.We need to cut those ties.
Remove the Blocks to Help Develop your Future
We continue to rely on our ex in order to keep that emotional tieintact, either consciously or subconsciously. We may not even beaware of the fact that the more we keep our ex in our daily life,the more we remain chained to the past and blocked from our future.
It’s Time to Start Cutting those Ties
Begin by building a new support system and do not call uponyour ex unless absolutely necessary. Set very clear boundarieswith him. Your home is your home now and not his. Custody is-sues should have him taking the kids to his own place and not vis-iting in your home. There is no free coming and going anymore.Limit your communication to what is only absolutely man-
•
datory.Cease and desist from any emotional conversations.
•
Maintain a businesslike attitude until you have broken free
•
and let go of the past.You may be able to build a different relationship in the future (or not) but now is not the time.
And a Word about Sex: DON’T GO THERE
It is very common for divorced couples, who are still confusedand in pain, to seek out each other for sex. The risk is that this isa place where your emotional connection is extremely strong. I
2
Tip of the Month
Take on something newand different now! To con-tinue developing as a per-son, get out of your normalroutine and take on some-thing new and challenging.Take a course at an1.Adult school.Try a new form of 2.exercise.Learn a second3.language.Volunteer at a local4.charity.Join a support group.5.Take up scuba diving!6.Join a book club.7. Not only will these activi-ties energize you, they arealso wonderful ways tomeet new and interesting people.Go to meetup.com. It isa wonderful website thatoffers you a huge array of clubs and groups with com-mon interests. I joined ascuba diving group via thissite, a sport that cannot bedone alone.
 
guarantee that once your ex has left your bed, you will feel ter-rible. It brings all the ‘stuff ’ back up and leaves you in a very bad place. Sex is a place where you must set a boundary that saysabsolutely no.
Consider that there just might be a better future out thereawaiting you if you cut the cord to your past.
When we are in pain we have a very limited perspective on our future. We just cannot see the possibilities that are available tous. But I assure you that once you have let go of your emotionalconnection to your marriage and your ex, the view becomes ex- pansive.Start today.Talk to Shelley...contact Shelley and schedule a time to have aone-on-one conversation about your own divorce.
3
Learning from yourDivorce
Since September is themonth that schools open, Ithought it might be an op- portune time to talk abouthow our divorce offers usthe opportunity for learn-ing. If we are honest and
willing to nd the lessons
that our divorce holds, wecan grow and evolve intoour best selves. It’s the oldevery cloud has a silver lin-ing adage.
Start by being totally hon-est with yourself.
What have youlearned? What would younow do differently in termsof a new relationship? For instance, were you adverseto direct communicationand did that nurture or dis-empower your marriage?
Can you see the wisdom of deepand honest communication be-tween people? Did you chooseto ignore the warning signsthat in retrospect were there allalong? Can you see how de-
nial backres? Do you see the benet of being conscious and
aware about your life?
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...