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Tip of the Month
How to StopFeeling Bad!
In his marvelous book, For-give for Good, Dr. Fred Luskinreminds us that it is our unen-forceable rules or expectations,which are both unrealistic anduncontrollable, that cause us somuch disappointment, hurt andresentment.
Example:
You expect your exto be emotionally supportivenow but whenever he isn’t, youare immediately upset.The truth is that sometimes your ex is supportive but mostly not.The answer: Drop that unen-forceable expectation. It isn’t based in reality and you have nocontrol over your ex’s behavior or attitude.Examine closely what all your expectations are in your life.Where are you setting yourself 
Divorce Recovery: Let Go and Move On After Divorce
Divorce Recovery Newsletter / Vol 13
 November 4, 2008
Thanksgiving: Gratitude Helps Us Feel Better!
Around this time every year, we are reminded to give thanks. I know that it is
especially difcult for those of you who are undergoing a divorce or who are
newly divorced to think about gratitude right now. Holidays are an especiallytough time. Yet research points to the practice of gratitude as a powerful toolin divorce recovery, not to mention everyday life.It all revolves around the concept of perspective and where we place outattention. If we have a perspective on life that is wholly negative, then weend up putting all our attention on everything that isn’t working or is wrongin our life. I guarantee that negative perspective will result in your feelinglike crap! Constantly dwelling on what is wrong in your life will depress and paralyze you.
How about trying on gratitude? I myself still nd days where my perspective
or attitude is self-defeating. We all do. Instead of everything that is wrong inyour life, how about everything that is right? Make a list from the big to thesmall: a beautiful Fall day to your health, dinner with your kids where thetalk is meaningful to gainful employment. The point being that where youdecide to place your attention is how you will feel.When I am feeling low I can usually trace it to the fact that my mind isconcentrating on negative thoughts. If I am being conscious I notice this
and take action. I stop and nd a comfortable place to sit and do some deep
 breathing. Once I have quieted my mind, I think of one thing, be it a personor a place or whatever, that brings me good feelings. For me it can be thethought of my kids when they were little and I snuggled in bed with themuntil they fell asleep or a beautiful beach where I am totally at peace. I relivethe feelings associated with those events and my mood changes.
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