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Tip of the Month:
To stick to your New Year’sResolution…Make certain it is somethingthat truly matters to you. Youwon’t stick to a resolution thatdoesn’t resonate for you.Ensure you stick to it byconstantly being in action.Outline what you need to doto achieve your goal and thenwork backwards from there. If you want to get in shape, whatwill it take? Then create a planthat you can breakdown intoweekly actionable steps. Don’t’
 be vague. Be highly specic.
State your intention to someoneelse so that it becomes real.Enlist support from a friendor professional to hold youaccountable.Get support. Whether it’s afriend or a coach or whomever,don’t go it alone.
Divorce Recovery Newsletter / Vol 15
January 6, 2009
Happy New Year:Out with the Old and In with the New!
I believe that New Year’s resolutions are uniqueand meaningful opportunities to commit to positive change in our lives. For those of youwho are undergoing a divorce or are recentlydivorced, a deep commitment to create changethat will move you forward into a new life ishopefully very compelling. What better time to promise yourself that you will do all you canto let go of the pain of the past and move into a
future lled with possibility than a new year?
Resolutions must be extremely compelling to us personally inorder for us to keep them
They must resonate on a deep level. They need to be truly important with aclear connection to our values and passions. That is why so many people failin their resolutions…they just aren’t important enough to them.
It really comes down to choice
What could be more compelling to a woman who is newly divorced than toresolve to heal herself and build a new life based on what she wants now? Inorder to determine what she wants, she needs to know herself, the self that isemerging from the end of her marriage, a phoenix rising from the ashes. The past is gone with no hold on your future self except the hold that you chooseto erect. It really comes down to choice. You are blessed with free will, thewill to choose how you want to live your life.
Divorce Recovery is about nding out who we are now and creating a life
that is based on that person
 
2Champion yourself. When youaccomplish something on theroad to your goal, give yourself a big pat on the back…and a present too!
Referral Bonus:
Refer a friend and receivea free one-hour session of Life Coaching from Shelley.Contact Shelley at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com
News of the Month:
This is a story from a recentfront-page story of the SFChronicle, about a femalehumpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.She was weighted down byhundreds of pounds of traps thatcaused her to struggle to stay
aoat. She also had hundreds
of yards of line rope wrappedaround her body, her tail, her torso and a line tugging in her mouth.
A sherman spotted her just
east of the Farallon Islands(outside the Golden Gate) andradioed an environmental groupfor help. Within a few hours,I took a wonderful yoga class this week that reminded me of how impactfulthe practice of mindfulness can be on our well-being. The instructor gave us
many afrmations to recite, each corresponding to a different chakra. One
of them really stood out for me because it seemed to apply to my clients in
divorce recovery. It states: The process of purication dissolves who I amnot and reveals who I am. If we substitute the word purication for self-discovery or divorce recovery, it claries exactly what divorce recovery isall about: nding out who we are now and creating a life that is based on
that person.
Let go of what holds you back and venture into a new life
lled with possibilities
We dissolve the mind chatter that attempts to sabotage our self-esteem and
condence, the mind chatter of our wounded ego and the pain that wants
nothing more than to keep us stuck where we are after our divorce. Wereveal the person behind that mind chatter, the person who we have always been meant to be. We dissolve or let go of what holds us back and venture
into a new life lled with possibilities for our future.
Resolve to do the work of divorce recovery
Use your divorce and the New Year as opportunities to heal, let go, claim
your power and a life that will ll you with joy, meaning and fulllment.
Resolve to move beyond your perspective of pain and doubt and to removeanything that is standing in the way of your happiness. Resolve to do thework of divorce recovery.
The New Year and Change:Change You Must Believe In
President-Elect Obama’s theme of change strikes a common chord. Theworld and everything in it, whether animate or inanimate, is in a constantstate of change. This is an unarguable fact, the
truth. Physics conrms this. Just take a look 
at the world around you and you will see thateverything changes and nothing remains static.The one thing that you can always count on ischange. So why are we so afraid of change? Whyis it so unsettling?
 
We have a need to be in control
I believe that it has to do with the unknown and our uncertainty with theunknown. We want and need to be in control, to know what is going tohappen. The paradox in this need is that one can never know what the futureholds, not a minute from now or a year from now. We cannot control theouter world. Things happen, they always have and they always will. Justwhen we think we have it down, something else pops up to challenge us.It is how we handle what life throws at us that is important. It is our inner world that we can control which will ultimately elicit the change we want inour outer world.
Adjust your perspective
You want to adjust your perspective on change from one of fear to one of a belief that everything will work out in your best interest. You need tolearn the difference between what you can control and what you cannotand thereby let go of the things that you cannot control and concentrate onthose you can. You do have full control over how you choose to handle thechanges that life brings you. More important, you have full control in beingthe change that you desire.
Place attention on your intention
What do you want to change in your life this year? Do you want to behealthier? Then put all your full attention on that intention. There is a sayingthat when you are fully committed to something, the universe will alignitself to give you what you want. I don’t know for a fact whether that is trueor not but to live as if it is true would be a welcome change, an empowering perspective. The belief that you can become healthier can only move youin that direction but it must coupled with you taking full responsibility for  being healthy. Responsibility for our intentions is empowerment.
If you need help then get it
Creating positive change in your life begins with your belief andcommitment to what you desire. What you desire must be of great value toyou. Focusing your attention on that change and weaving it into the fabricof every day is the key to success. Doing whatever needs to be done ismandatory. If you need help then get it. Trust me; you don’t have to go italone. A prima ballerina will have spent years of practice with instructionand coaching to reach her goal. So too a star athlete. Access all the tools andskills you can to move you forward.3the rescue team arrived anddetermined that she was so badoff the only way to save her wasto dive in and untangle her.
 
They worked for hours withcurved knives and eventuallyfreed her. When she was free,the divers say she swam in whatseemed like joyous circles.She then came back to each andevery diver, one at a time, andnudged them and pushed themgently around as if she wasthanking them. Some said it wasthe most incredibly beautifulexperience of their lives.The guy who cut the rope outof her mouth said her eyes werefollowing him the whole timeand he will never be the same.May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to besurrounded by people who willhelp you get untangled from thethings that are binding you andmay you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.
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