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It’s Not Too Late to Learnthe Essentials of DivorceRecovery:
 
Tuesday, February 3rd is our 
rst FREE Divorce RecoveryTeleclass. I promise you that thisTeleclass will change how you feelimmediately! This month we areconcentrating on how t managerunaway emotions…need I saymore? Signup now: Go tohttp://www.changecoachshelley.com/life_coaching_resources/teleclasses.html
Join me on TheProfessional Women’sNetwork:
I will be leading a Teleclass onthe subject of Acceptance: TheMost Important Step in DivorceRecovery. Go to:
Divorce Recovery Newsletter / Vol 16
February 2, 2009
Happy Valentines Day-UGH!
Valentine’s Day, much like other holidays,can be a time of stress and sadness for youBUT I propose that you change that this year.If Valentines Day is a time to show love,than whom better than YOU deserves your attention? Give yourself a treat this year: goget a new haircut, indulge in a professionalmassage, get a manicure and pedicure, go outwith the girls and I hereby give you permissionto eat as muchchocolate as you want. Don’t beat yourself up; give yourself love and compassiondamnit!
Show Yourself Love and Compassion:
Sign-up now for a free Consultation withShelley and see for yourself how DivorceCoaching can turn your life around! I promise you that you will be able to let goand move on into a ne and vibrant life. Callme today at 973 746-0844 or e-mail me atshelleystile@changecoachshelley.com
Learning Acceptance:
Acceptance: Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately andconsciously acknowledge what you perceive.This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difcult.If you experience chronic difculties in a particular area of your life, there’sa strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as itis.
 
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Can’t Afford One-On-One Coaching but wantDivorce Support?
Are you interested in joiningthe Divorce Recovery CoachingCircle? The Circle will be bi-weekly group coaching sessionson how to let go and move onafter your divorce. I know thatfor some of you, divorce throws a
wrench into your fnancial health
so I have created this Circle forthose of you who want to becoached but don’t necessarilyhave the resources for privatesessions.Costs will be $100 per monthfor two-60 minute sessions permonth.If you are interested, pleasecontact me at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com
Where are You in theDivorce RecoveryJourney?
Check out my Divorce Life quizand see where you are in the journey to recovery from yourdivorce and get instant feedback from Shelley.Go to: http://www.change-coachshelley.com/life_coaching_ resources/take_quiz.php
When I ask a client if they have fully accepted the end of their marriage,they may initially respond in the positive but it isn’t long before I can seethat they really aren’t there yet. If you still continue to blame your ex, if you are holding onto resentment, if you have regrets and if your emotional buttons keep getting pushed, rest assured you have a ways to go.Consider this: Your child has sent hours building a castle of lego blockswhen suddenly her younger brother arrive and knocks it down. She isextremely upset and for hour she bemoans the destruction of her castle.What advise would you give her? Myguess is you would console her and thenexplain that there is no bringing back thecastle she had built. It is gone but she can build an even bigger and better castle.Or as our Mothers reminded us when wewere young: Don’t cry over spilt milk.Too often, we are like that child, ruminating about the past as if we can undowhat is done. Holding onto blame, resentment and regret means we have notaccepted the end of our castle. We must learn to let go of what we cannotcontrol and what is gone…the past. Thisis the single most difcult step in divorcerecovery but the also the most important.I can hear you: right Shelley but thatis easier said than done. Maybe so butit comes down to this: What do youchoose? Do you choose to stay stuck inthe past and suffer or do you choose tolet it go and move forward? Your blaming and negative emotions hurt youand you alone. It is utterly futile to hold onto what was.If you were able to remove yourself from your own situation and look at itfrom an objective stance, what advice would you give yourself? From thatobjective stance, you might recognize the waste of  precious time. You might notice that life is passingyou by while your ex is probably moving on. Youmight see the writing on the wall and advise yourself to let it go.Just how do you let it go? You start by acceptingwhat is versus what you have determined should be. In other words, you accept reality for what it is
 
versus living in some sort of fantasy world. You begin to notice that what isreally making you feel so bad is not so much what happened, but how youinterpreted what happened. You notice what you have made this divorcemean about you and recognize those meanings as fabrications of a woundedego. You access your higher self. You accept the fact that you were a co-creator of your marriage and divorce. You take responsibility for your lifeand give being a victim. You start looking at what is right in your life versuswhat is wrong. You honor the truth of your marriage. You decide to stopresisting the direction of your life: it’s too damn tiring. You start to makechoices that are empowering and move you forward. Got the idea? Mostimportant….GET SUPPORT!Whatever positive effort you decide to expend to recover and thrive after divorce will be mirrored in how you are feeling and where your life sheaded.The choice is yours and yours alone.
Inspirational Picture of the Month:
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Consider Giving the Gift of Peace of Mindfor a Loved One.Give the Gift of Coaching.Go to:http://www.changecoachshelley.com/why_ be_coached/special-offers.html
What’s on YourMind?
We want to hear from our readers: What are your thoughts on this month’ssubjects? Your story? Anyquestions? Feedback?Tell us what you are thinkingthen in future newsletters wewill feature your response.Share what you are thinking byemailing Shelley.
Quotes of the Month
If you don’t get what you want,you suffer; if you get what youdon’t want, you suffer; evenwhen you get exactly what youwant, you still suffer becauseyou can’t hold on to it forever.Your mind is your predicament.It wants to be free of change.Free of pain, free of theThings happen but it how we choose to handle what happens that makes thedifference. Think of the different scenarios that could have played out in thecrash on the Hudson. Consider how the crew and passengers chose to accesstheir higher selves and turn a possible tragedy into a triumph.
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