True Confessions
Sara Groves turns in her most self-revelatory album yet, opening up about everything from marital spats to anxiety attacks to the notion of 'confessional living.'
Andrea Bailey Willits|posted 11/17/2009
When Sara Groves sings, you know she's about to speak truth—about life, faith,and herself. On her ninth album,
Fireflies and Songs
, the acclaimed songwriterfurther demonstrates what she calls "confessional living" in hopes that others willdo the same. Groves talked to CT about her new album, her challenges, hercourage to confess—and what her husband thinks about unveiling their marriageto the world.
You're well known for your songwriting, yet you've said
Fireflies and Songs
is "your songwriter's album." What's new this time?Sara Groves:
I've been writing about justice, the Kingdom of God, observingexternal things for the last three albums. So what I meant by that is that this time,I'm writing about myself. I just turned the spotlight inward. [INO Recordspresident] Jeff Moseley basically said, "It feels like a long time since we've heard what it's like to be you—a wife, friend, child of God at 37." I'd made a very conscious departure from talking about myself after
All Right Here
and a little bitafter
Other Side of Something
because I felt like I was growing in that way, likeit's not all about me and my introspective thoughts; it has to be about something bigger. I did write about bigger things, but I felt permission, I guess, to come back home.I have to say that when I knew that's where I was headed, it made me tired(laughs). It's a lot easier to write about external things than to dig in the dirtagain. And I wasn't sure how transparent I wanted to be. I decided to pretty muchdisclose a lot; I wanted it to sound very confessional. It felt like I was working outsome muscles that I hadn't worked out in a while as a songwriter.
What gave you the courage to confess to the world in these songs?Groves
: I had a conversation once with a friend who had a very public moralfailure. We were talking about confession and how it's hard to confess in thechurch; it's kind of the last place you want to confess. My friend said, "Yeah,someone's gotta go first." And that's been in my head as I'm writing these songs. At times it was like, I could write something less true, but at the end of the day,ah, no, I'd better just say what I mean.
Fireflies and Songs
gives an even more personal look at yourmarriage. Do you and your husband Troy always agree on how muchto share?Groves
: From the beginning, he's been [supportive]. It started with "Roll to theMiddle" on my album
Other Side of Something
. It's about a couple in bed withtheir backs to each other after a massive fight—one of our biggest. And I wrotethat 10 minutes after the fight. I was so angry, but he was leaving for Africa thenext day, so I knew that reconciliation had to happen. So I went and wrote "Rollto the Middle" freshly out of that place. The album was already done, but Troy insisted that song be on the album. I tend to be the more confessional andtalkative one, and Troy's more private and quiet. But he does not care whatpeople think about him—and I give way too much time to what other peoplethink. He's the one who championed the song "Love" on this album. It's very indicative of what our struggle was—both of us were kind of looking for love in allthe wrong places, in our different ways. Year seven was our crisis year, and Goddid a miracle in our marriage. But it was rough, a close call.
In the song "From This One Place," you confess a new battle withanxiety. How has that affected your life?Groves:
I was not a member of the club until a year and a half ago, and I don'tsay that lightly. My mom has talked to me about her experiences with anxiety,and honestly, my thoughts back to her would be,
Well, get over it. It's not true.When your thoughts go haywire and your body is having this fear response, just tell yourself it's not true
. Until one day I was playing at a prayer breakfast—something very benign, not a big deal. My body had a full fearresponse to something that wasn't there. I was in the middle of a song, and it wasas if a bear had walked in the room in the middle of my song. I called my bestfriend who is a counselor, and I said, "What just happened to me?" and she waslike, "You just read the textbook for an anxiety attack."It doesn't happen every time I get on stage, but it is limited to the stage. Ifeel like there's a spiritual, emotional, physical element to it, but it's definitely changed my emotional landscape the last year and a half. I'm still in it, but I'mmaking progress. I really, really believe that God wants me to be weak. He wantsto be strong in my weakness. And he's teaching me that when I get on the otherside of this, I'm going to be a stronger person. But it is not fun. It's not pleasant.It feels absolutely terrible.
You've said that you hope this album encourages people to live moreconfessionally. What does that look like in your own life?Groves
: Two things have been key for me. First, you have to find saferelationships, and second, you have to be a safe person. Be a person that someonecan confess to. Then you find yourself in confessional relationships. I don't think we have to get up on Sunday and confess our sins and every bad thought we hadthat week to the whole church, but in my life I've had times where I felt God say,
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