Connecting Family and Friends When HealthMatters Most
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2009 10:36 AM, CST
Nov. 13, 2009Merry Christmas to Us!
‐
Part 1 of 2Although some new growth was noted above my adrenal glands and the cancermarkers in my blood work were somewhat elevated, they thought there was no needto jump into “heavy duty” chemo un
t
l maybe a
f
er the holidays.
We’ll head
back upin mid
‐
January to let them have a look then.
Meanwhile, I’m supposed to gain someweight.
No problem – it’s the holidays!Meanwhile, like Paul, I just have this inexplicable “thorn” in my side which God has notchosen to remove.
So be it.
The bigger truth is that God is by my side and haschosen to let me see and feel the countless number of
people and prayers thatsurround me from all sides, in every way.
What a great Thanksgiving gi
f
THAT is!
What Holy Christmas Hope your presence brings!
I have always felt that God is near, as he promised, and Thursday as we le
f
thedoctor’s o
ffi
ce on the tenth
fl
oor, God gave us an overwhelming reminder.
Even inhigh speed elevators, the slide down just ten
fl
oors can seem like a long
t
me.
Wewere s
t
ll trying to come “down to earth” with the mixed bag of news we had just
received.
At Mayo there is an almost cavernous, three story,
marble lined lobbythat joins the Mayo building to the Gonda building.
On the lower level, there is agrand piano and frequently, there are pianists, soloists and ensembles who playthere.
The music resonates with incredibly moving brilliance that always li
f
s ourhearts.
On this day, a young professional singer with an opera quality voice, was just
fi
nishing a classical love song as we exited the elevators one story above her.
Both
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Kris and I recognized the song (though neither of us can yet name it !) and were drawnwith dozens of others to the balcony railing. Disappointed that we had missed mostof it, we were about to leave when the pianist began an intro that we also recognizedand we stopped in our tracks to look back.
As we did, the young lady began to sing,“I Believe”.
(If
it’s not familiar to you, I’ll reproduce the lyrics below.
I’m sure youcan
fi
nd it on one of the on
‐
line music programs)
Tears fell for us and for
manygathered in that hall.
It was as though God was reminding us of the simple reasons weDO believe and must con
t
nue to do so.
No ma
er what comes of symptoms andsigns, the most essen
t
al symptom of faith is believing and the surest sign of believingis hope.
As the scriptures put it, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, theevidence of things not seen”.
Those were good words and beau
t
ful music to hold in our hearts as we headedhome.
In spite of no chemo, I’ve con
t
nued to have trouble with periods of nauseaand vomi
t
ng and such was the case for our two days in Rochester so we headed out of town as soon as we could.
I tried to drive but only lasted an hour before my lovingco
‐
pilot had to take over.
The sun was going down along with my eyelids as Krispointed out how it looked like the horizon was on
fi
re.
It was beau
t
ful and I took thatimage to sleep with me.
It was some
t
me later when, behind my eyes, my mindawoke to the sound of music.
It was that song again, “I Believe”, but it wasn’t adream.
It was Kris, singing to herself as she drove us home through the night.
There is no doubt she is my angel and she has a voice and a faith to match.
I doBelieve and as we approach this Thanksgiving, the depth and breadth of my gra
t
tudefor everything and everyone in my life is greater than ever.Monday, Nov. 16, 2009 – Part 2A
f
er we returned home, my symptoms con
t
nued and increased.
Fortunately we hada pre
‐
scheduled appointment with our good friend, Dr. Bayer and his sta
ff
today,Monday.
An hour before the appointment, my “clairvoyant”
sister, recently out of the hospital herself with a brand new arterial s
t
nt, met me in the driveway.
I had saidnot a word to her about how I felt or that I was headed to the Dr.’s o
ffi
ce, when shesaid to me, “I don’t like your color today, you look jaundiced…”
How she wished shewas wrong but, unbeknownst to any of us, she was right
‐
on.
They had warned methat my “Christmas Vaca
t
on” could be cut short at any
t
me if I became jaundiced ormy cancer markers (blood chemistry) went any further o
ff
.
We just didn’t think thatit could be happening as they spoke.
Dr. Bayer stressed that there was no
t
me to waste and he, himself, wasted no
t
me in
2 of 56
outlining the coming regimen of a new and very powerful chemotherapy known asGemzar plus Cispla
t
n.
Months ago I did my homework and I knew where he washeaded with his explana
t
on of equally powerful side
‐
e
ff
ects and drugs they would useto curb them as much as possible.
When he
fi
nished, I shared with him what I hadsurmised from my reading and asked if my understanding was correct.
Unfortunately, like my sister that morning, I was right
‐
on.
The treatment I’ll be receiving IS cu
ng edge chemistry and o
ff
ers the
fi
rst advance intrea
t
ng cholangio carcinoma in a long
t
me.
It’s a place where you measure successin numbers of days, not years. On average those receiving this treatment live threemonths longer than those without it.
Some, of course,
gain more; some
less andsome are unable to compete the treatment. Either way, the prognosis s
t
ll boils downto six months to a year, give or take about three months.
In one respect, it’s nothing new – just somehow closer to here and now.
That said,closer too, is the Author and Finisher of my life.
In this past year, I have been blessedbeyond belief by the outpouring of care and support from so many people in so manydi
ff
erent ways.
God has been good all the
t
me, every day.
Come what may, thereis no reason to think He will be any di
ff
erent through the weeks and months ahead.
As we move toward the Advent season, I am reminded that one of Jesus’ manynames is Emmanuel, “God with us”.
Through the most joyous days and darkestnights, I have become more and more aware of how in
t
mately God IS with Kris and Iand all of our family.
May you, our dear friends and partners in prayer, know toothat God is with all of us
‐
and in Him, we are one, now and forever.
Thanks for stayingbeside us; for your thoughts and prayers and amazing support.Sincerely,BruceLyrics to “I Believe”I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a
fl
ower grows;I believe that somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows;I believe for everyone that goes astray,Someone will come, to show the way.
I believe, I believe.
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Bruce Conley Journal
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