Short Stories: 10 Tips for Creative Writers

(Kennedy and Jerz)

What is a Short Story?
A short story begins as close to the conclusion as possible, and grabs the reader from the very first line. It
conserves character and scenes, typically focuses on just one problem, and drives towards a sudden, unexpected
revelation. (Kathy Kennedy and Dennis . !er"#
$. Get Started % &mergency 'ips
(. )rite a *atchy First Pararaph
+. Develop ,our Chara!ters
-. *hoose a Point of "ie#
.. )rite /eaningful $ia%o&e
0. 1se Settin and Conte't
2. 3et up the P%ot
4. *reate Conf%i!t and Tension
5. 6uild to a Crisis or a C%i(a'
$7. Deliver a )eso%&tion
1* Get Started: +(eren!y Tips
Is your short story d&e to(orro# (ornin8 9ere are a few emergency tips. ood luc:;
$. )ho is your protagonist, and #hat does he or she #ant8
('he athlete who wants her team to win the big game and the car crash victim who wants to survive his
injuries are not specific enough.#
(. )hen the story begins, what (ora%%y sinifi!ant a!tions has he or she already ta,en to#ards that
oa%8
(</orally significant< doesn=t mean your protagonist has to be conventionally <good<> rather, he or she
should already have made a significant choice that sets up the rest of the story.#
9e has already :issed her, they have been meeting at a bench for the last + months after wor:
+. )hat &ne'pe!ted !onse-&en!es ?? directly related to the protagonist=s efforts to achieve the goal ??
ra(p &p the e(otiona% enery of the story8
()ill the unexpected conse@uences force your protagonist to ma:e yet another choice, leading to still
more conse@uences8#
-. )hat detai%s from the setting, dialog, and tone he%p yo& te%% the story8
('hings to cut% travel scenes, character A telling character 6 about something we just saw happening to
character A, and phrases li:e <said happily< ?? it=s much better to say <bubbled< or <gushed< or <cooed.<#
.. )hat (ora%%y sinifi!ant !hoi!e does your protagonist ma:e at the climax of the story8
(,our reader should care about the protagonist=s decision. Ideally, the reader shouldn=t see it coming.#
.ore $etai%ed Tips
Drawing on real?life experiences, such as winning the big game, bouncing bac: after an illness or injury, or
dealing with the death of a loved one, are attractive choices for students who are loo:ing for a <personal essay<
topic. 6ut simply describing powerful emotional experiences is not the same thing as generating emotional
responses in the reader. (3ee <3how, Don=t (!ust# 'ell.<#
Aor those of you who are loo:ing for more %on/ter( #ritin strateies, here are some additional ideas.
If you are having trouble getting started, loo: out the window. 'he whole world is a story, and every moment is
a miracle.
/Bruce Taylor, UWEC Professor of Creative Writing
Keep a note0oo,* 'o B. C. *assill, noteboo:s are <incubators,< a place to begin with overheard
conversation, expressive phrases, images, ideas, and interpretations on the world around you.
Write on a re&%ar1 dai%y 0asis* 3it down and compose sentences for a couple of hours every day ??
even if you don=t feel li:e it.
Co%%e!t stories fro( everyone yo& (eet* Keep the ama"ing, the unusual, the strange, the irrational
stories you hear and use them for your own purposes. 3tudy them for the underlying meaning and apply
them to your understanding of the human condition.
)ead1 )ead1 )ead
Bead a DE' of *he:hov. 'hen re?read it. Bead Baymond *arver, &arnest 9emingway, Alice /unro, and
'obias )olff. If you don=t have time to read all of these authors, stic: to Che,hov. 9e will teach you more than
any writing teacher or wor:shop ever could.
-Allyson Goldin, UWEC Asst. Professor of Creative Writing
2* Write a Cat!hy First Pararaph
In today=s fast?moving world, the first sentence of your short story should catch your reader=s attention with the
&n&s&a%1 the &ne'pe!ted1 an a!tion1 or a !onf%i!t. 6egin with tension and immediacy. Bemember that short
stories need to start close to their end.
I heard my neighbor through the wall.
Dry and uninteresting.
'he neighbor behind us practiced scream therapy in his shower almost every day.
'he second sentence catches the reader=s attention. )ho is this guy who goes in his shower every day and
screams8 )hy does he do that8 )hat, exactly, is <scream therapy<8 Det=s :eep reading...
'he first time I heard him, I stood in the bathroom listening at our shared wall for ten minutes, debating
the wisdom of calling the police. It was very different from living in the duplex over middle?aged /r.
and /rs. 6rown and their two young sons in Duluth.
'he rest of the paragraph introduces I and an internal conflict as the protagonist debates a course of action and
introduces an intriguing contrast of past and present setting.
<It is important to understand the basic elements of fiction writing before you consider how to put everything
together. 'his process is comparable to producing something delectable in the :itchen??any ingredient that you
put into your bowl of dough impacts your finished loaf of bread. 'o create a perfect loaf, you must balance
ingredients ba:ed for the correct amount of time and enhanced with the right polishing gla"e.< -Laurel our!e
3* $eve%opin Chara!ters
,our job, as a writer of short fiction??whatever your beliefs??is to put complex personalities on stage and let
them strut and fret their brief hour. Ferhaps the sound and fury they ma:e will signify something that has more
than passing value??that will, in *he:hov=s words, <ma:e GmanH see what he is li:e.< ?"ic! #e$arnus
In order to develop a living, breathing, multi?faceted character, it is important to ,no# #ay (ore a0o&t the
!hara!ter than yo& #i%% ever &se in the story. 9ere is a partial list of character details to help you get started.
Iame
Age
!ob
&thnicity
Appearance
Besidence
Fets
Beligion
9obbies
3ingle or married8
*hildren8
'emperament
Aavorite color
Ariends
Aavorite foods
Drin:ing patterns
Fhobias
Aaults
3omething hated8
3ecrets8
3trong memories8
Any illnesses8
Iervous gestures8
3leep patterns
Imagining all these details will help you get to :now your character, but your reader probably won=t need to
:now much more than the (ost i(portant thins in fo&r areas%
4ppearan!e* ives your reader a visual understanding of the character.
4!tion* 3how the reader what :ind of person your character is, by describing actions rather than simply
listing adjectives.
Spee!h* Develop the character as a person ?? don=t merely have your character announce important plot
details.
Tho&ht* 6ring the reader into your character=s mind, to show them your character=s unexpressed
memories, fears, and hopes.
Aor example, let=s say I want to develop a college student persona for a short story that I am writing. )hat do I
:now about her8
9er name is !en, short for Jennifer .ary Johnson. 3he is 21 years o%d. 3he is a fair?s:inned 5or#eian with
0%&e eyes, long, curly red hair, and is 6 feet 7 in!hes ta%%. *ontrary to typical redheads, she is actually
easyoin and rather shy. 3he loves !ats and has two of them named 6ailey and Allie. 3he is a te!hni!a%
#ritin (a8or with a minor in biology. !en p%ays the piano and is an a(ate&r photorapher. 3he lives in the
dor(s at the 1niversity of )isconsin?&au *laire. 3he eats pizza every day for lunch and loves Bed Bose tea.
3he !ra!,s her ,n&!,%es when she is nervous. 9er mother just committed suicide.
9* Choose a Point of "ie#
Foint of view is the narration of the story from the perspective of first1 se!ond1 or third person. As a writer,
you need to determine who is going to tell the story and how much information is available for the narrator to
reveal in the short story. 'he narrator can be directly involved in the action s&08e!tive%y1 or the narrator might
only report the action o08e!tive%y*
First Person* 'he story is told from the view of :;*: 'he narrator is either the protagonist (main
character# and directly affected by unfolding events, or the narrator is a secondary character telling the
story revolving around the protagonist. 'his is a good choice for beginning writers because it is the
easiest to write.
I saw a tear roll down his chee:. I had never seen my father cry before. I loo:ed away while he
brushed the offending chee: with his hand.
Se!ond Person* 'he story is told directly to :yo&:, with the reader as a participant in the action.
,ou laughed loudly at the antics of the clown. ,ou clapped your hands with joy.
(3ee also !er" on interactive fiction.#
Third Person* 'he story tells what :he:1 :she1: or :it: does. 'he third?person narrator=s perspective
can be limited (telling the story from one character=s viewpoint# or omniscient (where the narrator
:nows everything about all of the characters#.
9e ran to the big yellow loader sitting on the other side of the gravel pit shac:.
,our narrator might ta:e sides in the conflict you present, might be as transparent as possible, or might
advocate a position that you want your reader to challenge (this is the <unreliable narrator< strategy#.
<o&r,e on point of vie#:
First Person* <1nites narrator and reader through a series of secrets< when they enter one character=s
perceptions. 9owever, it can <lead to telling< and limits readers connections to other characters in the
short story.
Se!ond Person* <Futs readers within the actual scene so that readers confront possibilities directly.<
9owever, it is important to place your characters <in a tangible environment< so you don=t <omit the
details readers need for clarity.<
Third Person =(nis!ient* Allows you to explore all of the characters= thoughts and motivations.
'ransitions are extremely important as you move from character to character.
Third Person >i(ited* <Effers the intimacy of one character=s perceptions.< 9owever, the writer must
<deal with character absence from particular scenes.<
6* Write .eaninf&% $ia%o&e
/a:e your readers hear the pauses between the sentences. Det them see characters lean forward, fidget with
their cuticles, avert their eyes, uncross their legs* ?%ero$e &tern
Dialogue is what your characters say to each other (or to themselves#.
+a!h spea,er ets his?her o#n pararaph, and the paragraph includes whatever you wish to say about what
the character is doing when spea:ing. (3ee% <Juotation /ar:s% 1sing 'hem in Dialogue<.#
<)here are you going8< !ohn crac:ed his :nuc:les while he loo:ed at the floor. <'o the racetrac:.<
/ary edged toward the door, :eeping her eyes on !ohn=s bent head. <Iot again,< !ohn stood up, flexing
his fingers. <)e are already maxed out on our credit cards.<
'he above paragraph is confusing, because it is not clear when one speech stops and the other starts.
<)here are you going8< !ohn as:ed nervously.
<'o the racetrac:,< /ary said, trying to figure out whether !ohn was too upset to let her get away with
it this time.
<Iot again,< said !ohn, wondering how they would ma:e that month=s rent. <)e are already maxed
out on our credit cards.<
'he second example is mechanically correct, since it uses a separate paragraph to present each spea:er=s
turn advancing the conversation. 6ut the narrative material between the direct @uotes is mostly useless.
Write .eaninf&% $ia%o&e >a0e%s
<!ohn as:ed nervously< is an example of <telling.< 'he author could write <!ohn as:ed very nervously< or <!ohn
as:ed so nervously that his voice was sha:ing,< and it still wouldn=t ma:e the story any more effective.
9ow can the author convey !ohn=s state of mind, without coming right out and tellinig the reader about it8 6y
inference. 'hat is, mention a detail that conjures up in the reader=s mind the image of a nervous person.
!ohn sat up. <)h?? where are you going8<
<)here are you going8< !ohn stammered, staring at his Keds.
Deep breath. Iow or never. <)here are you going8<
!ohn sat up and too: a deep breath, :nowing that his confrontation with /ary had to come now, or it
would never come at all. <)h?? where are you going8< he stammered nervously, staring at his Keds.
6eware ?? a little detail goes a long way.
)hy would your reader bother to thin: about what is going on, if the author carefully explains what each
and every line means8
Det=s return to the first example, and show how dialogue labels can affect the meaning of a passage.
<)here are you going8< !ohn crac:ed his :nuc:les while he loo:ed at the floor.
<'o the racetrac:.< /ary edged toward the door, :eeping her eyes on !ohn=s bent head.
<Iot again,< !ohn stood up, flexing his fingers. <)e are already maxed out on our credit cards.<
In the above revision, !ohn nervously as:s /ary where she is going, and /ary seems e@ually nervous
about going.
6ut if you play a little with the paragraphing..
<)here are you going8<
!ohn crac:ed his :nuc:les while he loo:ed at the floor. <'o the racetrac:.<
/ary edged toward the door, :eeping her eyes on !ohn=s bent head. <Iot again.<
!ohn stood up, flexing his fingers. <)e are already maxed out on our credit cards.<
All I changed was the paragraphing (and I changed a comma to a period.#
Iow /ary seems more aggressive ?? she seems to be moving to bloc: !ohn, who seems nervous and self?
absorbed. And !ohn seems to be bringing up the credit card problem as an excuse for his trip to the racing
trac:. 9e and /ary seem to be desperate to for money now. I=d rather read the rest of the second story
than the rest of the first one.
7* @se Settin and Conte't
3etting moves readers most when it contributes to an organic whole. 3o close your eyes and picture your
characters within desert, jungle, or suburb??whichever setting shaped them. Imagining this helps balance
location and characteri"ation. Bight from the start, view your characters inhabiting a distinct place. ?- Laurel
our!e
3etting includes the ti(e1 %o!ation1 !onte't1 and at(osphere where the plot ta:es place.
Bemember to !o(0ine settin #ith !hara!terization and p%ot.
;n!%&de eno&h detai% to let your readers picture the scene but only details that actually add something
to the story. (Aor example, do not describe /ary loc:ing the front door, wal:ing across the yard,
opening the garage door, putting air in her bicycle tires, getting on her bicycle??none of these details
matter except that she rode out of the driveway without loo:ing down the street.#
1se t#o or (ore senses in your descriptions of setting.
Bather than feed your readers information about the weather, population statistics, or how far it is to the
grocery store, s&0stit&te des!riptive detai%s so your reader can experience the location the way your
characters do.
Eur sojourn in the desert was an educational contrast with its parched heat, dust storms, and
cloudless blue s:y filled with the blinding hot sun. 'he rare thunderstorm was a cause for
celebration as the dry cement tunnels of the a@ueducts filled rapidly with rushing water. reat
rivers of sand flowed around and through the metropolitan inroads of man=s progress in the greater
Fhoenix area, forcefully moved aside for concrete and steel structures. Falm trees hovered over
our heads and saguaro cactuses saluted us with their thorny arms.

A* Set @p the P%ot
Flot is what happens, the storyline, the action. !erome 3tern says it is how you set up the situation, where the
turning points of the story are, and what the characters do at the end of the story.
A plot is a series of events deliberately arranged so as to reveal their dramatic, thematic, and emotional
significance. ?%ane Burro'ay
1nderstanding these story elements for developing actions and their end results will help you plot your next
short story.
+'p%osion or :Boo,*: A thrilling, gripping, stirring event or problem that grabs the reader=s attention
right away.
Conf%i!t* A character versus the internal self or an e(ternal something or someone.
+'position* 6ac:ground information re@uired for seeing the characters in context.
Co(p%i!ation* Ene or more problems that :eep a character from their intended goal.
Transition* Image, symbol, dialogue, that joins paragraphs and scenes together.
F%ash0a!,* Bemembering something that happened before the short story ta:es place.
C%i(a'* )hen the rising action of the story reaches the pea:.
Fa%%in 4!tion* Beleasing the action of the story after the climax.
)eso%&tion* )hen the internal or external conflict is resolve.
Crainstor(in* If you are having trouble deciding on a plot, try brainstorming. 3uppose you have a
protagonist whose husband comes home one day and says he doesn=t love her any more and he is leaving. )hat
are actions that can result from this situation8
$. 3he becomes a wor:aholic.
(. 'heir children are unhappy.
+. 'heir children want to live with their dad.
-. 3he moves to another city.
.. 3he gets a new job.
0. 'hey sell the house.
2. 3he meets a psychiatrist and falls in love.
4. 9e comes bac: and she accepts him.
5. 9e comes bac: and she doesn=t accept him.
$7. 3he commits suicide.
$$. 9e commits suicide.
$(. 3he moves in with her parents.
'he ne't step is to select one action from the list and brainstorm another list from that particular action.
D* Create Conf%i!t and Tension
*onflict is the fundamental element of fiction, fundamental because in literature only trouble is interesting. It
ta:es trouble to turn the great themes of life into a story% birth, love, sex, wor:, and death. ?%anet Burro'ay
*onflict produces tension that ma:es the story begin. 'ension is created by opposition between the character
or characters and interna% or e'terna% forces or conditions. 6y 0a%an!in the opposin for!es of the conflict,
you :eep readers glued to the pages wondering how the story will end.
Possi0%e Conf%i!ts ;n!%&de:
'he protagonist against another individual
'he protagonist against nature (or technology#
'he protagonist against society
'he protagonist against od
'he protagonist against himself or herself.
<o&r,eEs Conf%i!t Che!,%ist
.ystery* &xplain just enough to tease readers. Iever give everything away.
+(po#er(ent* ive both sides options.
Proression* Keep intensifying the number and type of obstacles the protagonist faces.
Ca&sa%ity* 9old fictional characters more accountable than real people. *haracters who ma:e mista:es
fre@uently pay, and, at least in fiction, commendable fol:s often reap rewards.
S&rprise* Frovide sufficient complexity to prevent readers predicting events too far in advance.
+(pathy* &ncourage reader identification with characters and scenarios that pleasantly or
(unpleasantly# resonate with their own sweet dreams (or night sweats#.
;nsiht* Beveal something about human nature.
@niversa%ity* Fresent a struggle that most readers find meaningful, even if the details of that struggle
reflect a uni@ue place and time.
Bih Sta,es* *onvince readers that the outcome matters because someone they care about could lose
something precious. 'rivial clashes often produce trivial fiction.
F* C&i%d to a Crisis or C%i(a'
'his is the t&rnin point of the story??the most exciting or dramatic moment.
'he crisis may be a recognition, a decision, or a resolution. 'he character understands what hasn=t been seen
before, or reali"es what must be done, or finally decides to do it. It=s when the worm turns. 'iming is crucial. If
the crisis occurs too early, readers will expect still another turning point. If it occurs too late, readers will get
impatient??the character will seem rather thic:. ?%ero$e &tern
%ane Burro'ay says that the crisis <must always be presented as a scene. It is <the moment< the reader has been
waiting for. In *inderella=s case, <the payoff is when the slipper fits.<
)hile a good story needs a crisis, a random event such as a car crash or a sudden illness is simply an
emergency ??unless it somehow involves a !onf%i!t that ma:es the reader care about the characters (see% <*risis
vs. *onflict<#.
10* Find a )eso%&tion
'he so%&tion to the !onf%i!t. In short fiction, it is difficult to provide a complete resolution and you often need
to just show that characters are beginning to change in some way or starting to see things differently.
our!e examines some of the options for ending a story.
=pen* Beaders determine the meaning.
6rendan=s eyes loo:ed away from the priest and up to the mountains.
)eso%ved* *lear?cut outcome.
)hile !ohn watched in despair, 9elen loaded up the car with her belongings and drove away.
Para%%e% to Ceinnin* 3imilar to beginning situation or image.
'hey were driving their $50- *hevrolet Impala down the highway while the wind blew through their
hair.
9er father drove up in a new $50- *hevrolet Impala, a replacement for the one that burned up.
.ono%o&e* *haracter comments.
I wish 'om could have :nown 3ister Dalbec=s pric:ly guidance before the dust devils of 3in *ity battered
his soul.
$ia%o&e* *haracters converse.
>itera% ;(ae* 3etting or aspect of setting resolves the plot.
'he a@ueducts were empty now and the sun was shining once more.
Sy(0o%i! ;(ae* Details represent a meaning beyond the literal one.
Doo:ing up at the s:y, I saw a cloud cross the shimmering blue s:y above us as we stood in the morning
heat of 3in *ity.
Sho#1 $onEt (J&st) Te%%
Don=t just tell me your brother is talented... s)o' me what he can do, and let me decide whether I=m impressed.
'o convince your readers, sho#, don=t just te%% them what you want them to :now.
'here. I=ve just told you something. Fretty lame, huh8 Iow, let me s)o' you.
*+ ,ay -***. /y #ennis G. %er0
-1 2ct -*3* 4last u5date6
Use Specific Details
.y 0rother is ta%ented* ('elling.#
.y 0rother (odifies sports !ar enines1 !o(petes in 0a%%roo( dan!e to&rna(ents1 and ana%yzes !hess
a%orith(s* (3howing.#
<)ow, that guy is talented,< you say to yourself, impressed by the details. ,ou don=t need me to '&DD you
what you saw in those details.
The %itt%e ir% %oo,ed so tired that ; ,ne# it #as napti(e*
'his sentence gets right to the point, but nothing about it engages the imagination or ma:es the
reader want to :eep reading.
The 0ro#n/eyed %itt%e ir% #ore a p%asti! "i,in !ap1 and her (o&th #as sti!,y fro( !andy*
Standin there in her dress/&p !%othes1 she %oo,ed (ore tired than ; had ever seen a !hi%d
%oo,* C&t she #as very st&00orn1 so ; ,ne# that ; #as a0o&t to fa!e a 0att%e*
'his version mentions the author=s reaction% this child loo:s surprisingly tired. It also offers a
motive% the author must get her to ta:e a nap. 6ut what does wearing a Ci:ing cap or having
brown eyes have to do with being tired8 'hese random details do give the reader a little something
to wor: with, but they don=t actually contribute to the main point.
Ber s%eepy 0ro#n eyes hardened into red/ri((ed s%its* She !o!,ed her p%asti! "i,in he%(et
aressive%y1 the horns sti!,in o&t on%y a %itt%e (ore than her !&r%s* =ne fist !%&t!hed a
de!apitated %o%%ipop1 the other a !ard0oard s#ord* She %eve%ed the point at (y !hest* :<o&
(ean draonG: she ro#%ed* :<o&E%% never (a,e (e napG:
'he details provided in this version all 39E) the reader what=s at sta:e. ,ou say to yourself,
<)ow, that little girl is stubborn, and she sure needs that nap;< I didn=t have to '&DD you any of
those things. (Incidentally, now that I=ve added the details about the sword and the dragon, the
Ci:ing hat ma:es sense, but the <brown< in <sleepy brown eyes< could probably be cut.#
Give the Reader a Reason to Feel Your Emotions
Ebviously, if you are writing a set of instructions or a professional e?mail, you don=t want to tease the reader.
!ust '&DD the important details (<Insert tab A into slot 6< and be done with it#.
6ut if you want to engage the reader=s heart, mind, and imagination, 39E) with vivid details that generate, in
your reader, the emotions you want to express. Bather than classify and list all the emotions that ,E1 felt, use
specific details that ive the )+4$+) a reason to fee% those emotions.
;E%% never foret ho# ; fe%t after Fido died* ; #as (isera0%e*
3imply na$ing t)e feelings that you experienced (telling your reader what you felt# is not enough
to create interest in the reader. *an you find a way to generate, in your reader, the same feelings
that you experienced8
If I live for a thousand years, ;E%% never foret ho# utterly and terribly alone ; fe%t after Fido
died* .onths and (onths #ent 0y1 and it see(ed that every %itt%e thin re(inded (e of hi(*
; donEt ,no# #hether ; a( ever oin to et over his death*
)hile the author has added details, those details merely assist t)e telling ?? they don=t actually give
the reader a reason to love Aido, and to suffer along with the writer.
Whenever p&ppies in the pet store #indo# distra!ted (e fro( the serio&s 0&siness of ta,in
hi( for his #a%,1 Fido ro#%ed1 his %itt%e ears f%attened aainst his s!r&ffy head* <et he
a%#ays forave (e* +ven after his hearin and siht faded1 #hen he fe%t the %eash !%i!, on his
!o%%ar and s(e%%ed fresh air1 he sti%% tried to !aper* This (ornin ; fi%%ed his #ater 0o#% a%%
the #ay to the top//8&st the #ay he %i,es it//0efore ; re(e(0ered*
'his last revision (sniff;# always ma:es me sad when I read it; It never comes right out and says <I
loved Aido and I still can=t believe he=s gone,< because the details in the story give the reader a
reason to love Aidl and mourn his loss. 'he details s)o' the depths of the relationship.
Encourage the Reader's Involvement: Show Details that Impl the !ain "oint
Fro( the #ay she 0ehaved in the !ro#ded resta&rant1 yo& !o&%d te%% Sa%%y #as attra!ted to
the !&te straner in the 0%a!, shirt* She tried a fe# thins to et his attention1 and event&a%%y
she tho&ht she s&!!eeded*
'he author wastes no time providing the information, but the story is very thin... nothing
interesting seems to be happening.
That straner had 0een s!annin the roo(1 and this ti(e1 Sa%%y tho&ht his eyes f%i!,ered in
her dire!tion* Wait // #as that a ha%f s(i%e? Bad he 8&st p&t his hand on his heart? =r #as he
8&st 0r&shin so(ethin off of his shirt? That shirt %oo,ed soft* Sa%%y s(i%ed*
<BeEs ,ind of !&te1: her roo((ate i%ed*
Sa%%y !as&a%%y %oo,ed a#ay1 t#ir%in a !&r%* :=h1 ; donEt ,no#1: she said1 %ettin her eyes rest
on the art#or,1 the f%o#ers1 a rando( fa!e in the !ro#d1 and fo&nd another e'!&se to %a&h*
Caref&%%y t&rnin her profi%e1 she !rossed her %es %i,e her friends had pra!ti!ed in (idd%e
s!hoo%*
That ought to do it1 she tho&ht*
'he reader is left to figure out what=s going on, which is more engaging for a story. 'here is
tension, and even a bit of character development.
'he original version of 3ally=s story te%%s me a few specific but isolated details ?? for instance, the color of the
stranger=s shirt. 6ut is that detail important8 (It=s not.# )ithout coming right out and saying <3ally was attracted
to the man,< the revision sho#s a series of different details (3ally notices the shirt, then wonders what it feels
li:e# that come together to form a pattern?? but the author does not come right out and announce what the
pattern means.
Is 3ally a sultry temptress at an embassy dinner, or a :nobby?:need waif, about to embarrass herself at a high
school dance8 At this point, we can only imagine ?? and that :eeps us reading.
Sho#in #ith $etai%sH Sho#in #ith +(otion
Te%%in (5o $etai%s)
; %i,e (any different sports1 fro( s,iin to ro!,/!%i(0in1 0&t #hen it !o(es riht do#n to it1 ; #o&%d have to
say that pin/pon is (y favorite sport*
3noo"e. 'his :ind of writing can help you meet a word count, but it really boils down to <I li:e
ping?pong.< All the rest is filler. 'here=s nothing in this passage that expresses how the author
feels about ping?pong, and nothing that informs or persuades the reader.
Te%%in ($ry $etai%s)
Pin/pon is a rea%%y interestin sport* Cas&a% p%ayers (ay find it re%a'in1 0&t to et rea%%y ood1 yo& need
(an&a% de'terity1 ai%ity and end&ran!e*
)hile the author has added details, those details merely assist t)e telling ?? this passage still starts
out with <I li:e ping?pong.< A reader who doesn=t already love ping?pong will have no reason to
change his or her mind.
Sho#in #ith $etai%
Pin/pon (ay %oo, %i,e a re%a'in pasti(e1 0&t for e'perts1 #innin the a(e re-&ires (an&a% de'terity1
ai%ity1 and end&ran!e*
)hile there=s nothing particularly engaging in this opening, if the rest of the paper demonstrates
that, in order to ma:e the transition from <relaxing pastime< to <winning the game,< you need
<dexterity,< <agility< and <endurance,< then you see that this sentence isn=t just a random list of
stuff to tal: about. 'his opening line isn=t just throat?clearing or filler ?? it=s a carefully chosen table
of contents, mentioning the topic of each of the supporting paragraphs.
Sho#in #ith +(otion
BeEs dren!hed in s#eat1 his ,n&!,%es are #hite1 heEs on the other side of the pin/pon ta0%e1
and ;E( a0o&t to 0rin hi( do#n*
'here=s no need for the author of the last sample to write, <I li:e ping?pong< or <ping?pong is more
serious than you thin:,< because the vivid details all s)o' these points. 'he fact that the opponent
is sweating means you need endurance. 'he fact that his :nuc:les are white suggest he=s nervous.
'he author=s claim <I=m about to bring him down< suggests that attitude and psychology play a role
in ping?pong. 'his document might not be as technically or factually informative as the <3howing
with Detail< paragraph, but if your goal is to convey the idea that ping?pong is worthy of serious
attention, then you might motivate your reader to reconsider their opinion of the game.
:Te%%in: states fa!ts or o0servations* :Sho#in: invites (&!h deeper &nderstandin*
4%% the ,ids ,ne# that >&!inda #as the (eanest ,id in the third rade* She #as prissy and
!&te1 and she tho&ht that (eant she !o&%d et a#ay #ith anythin* She #o&%d a%#ays o o&t
of her #ay to tor(ent (e* ; #asnEt one of the :!oo%: ,ids1 and the fe# ,ids ; ,ne# #ere 8&st
the &ys ; p%ayed !hess #ith d&rin re!ess // they #erenEt rea%%y friends* P%&s1 ; #as !%&(sy*
So ; #as a ood taret* She tor(ented (e so (&!h she (ade the third rade a %ivin he%%*
E:ay, we understand the author wants us to thin: Ducinda is mean, but we don=t actually see her
do anything. Is she really mean, or is the narrator just a whiner?baby8 'here=s not enough
information for us to :now for sure.
When the re!ess 0e%% ran1 ; ra00ed (y !hess set and dashed to freedo(1 eaer to #in the
dai%y to&rna(ent of o&t!asts* ; didnEt %oo,1 0&t ; ,ne# >&!inda #as #at!hin1 ; !o&%d fee%
her hair !&r%y %o!,s s#ayin as her head tra!,ed (e* =f !o&rse1 ; tripped in the
door#ay* Tennis shoes and sanda%s stepped aro&nd (e as ; s!ra(0%ed after pa#ns and
0ishops* 4nd there #as >&!inda1 #aitin for (e to noti!e her* She s(i%ed1 %ifted her shiny
patent/%eather shoe1 and s%o#%y1 !aref&%%y ro&nd her hee% do#n onto the head of (y #hite
-&een*
9ere, we read a detailed account of Ducinda=s behavior (she has a habit of going <after< the
narrator> she waits until she has the narrator=s attention before crushing his @ueen#, and we can
judge for ourselves.
6oth passages ma:e the same point, but the second does a much better job of engaging the reader.
'he se!ond passae fo!&ses in detai% on one specific event. Instead of simply calling himself clumsy (as in
the first passage#, the author shows us one specific occasion when he trips, and the writing brings us down to
the ground with him, so that we see what he sees and feel what he feels.
'he second passage never comes out and says <I didn=t have any friends,< but the fact that nobody stops to help
the narrator ma:es us gather that the guy is an outcast. )e learn @uite a bit about the author in just that
passage.
1ltimately, there is no need to call Ducinda mean in the second passage, because that concept is conveyed
effectively by the surprising detail of the shiny patent?leather shoe crushing the @ueen. 'here is no deadwood ??
it is pac:ed with details, creating a more vivid emotional picture than the first one.
)e actually learn something about Ducinda ?? she is not just being mean, she #ants the narratorEs attention1
too. Iotice that she attac:ed the @ueen, of all pieces. Does she consider the chess set to be her competition8
Showing "refers the Specific to the General
Be %oo,ed at (e in a #ay that #asnEt e'a!t%y threatenin1 0&t sti%% (ade (e &n!o(forta0%e*
'his is just a fancier way of telling the reader a feeling by stating something that happened and
spelling out exactly what effect it had on you. )hat, exactly, did this guy do with his eyes, face,
and body that made you uncomfortable8 Describe his actions, and show your reader exactly what
made you uncomfortable.
Did he waggle his eyebrows at you in a vaguely sensual manner8
Did he stare directly at you while ta:ing a gigantic bite out of a chic:en wing, so that bits
of cartilage crunched in his mouth as he chewed8
Did he :eep glancing up at a point just above your head, as if something was about to drop
on you, and then laugh when you loo:ed up to see for yourself8
C%ear%y1 so(ethin (&st 0e done a0o&t this terri0%e !risis*
'he words <clearly,< <obviously,< or variations (<nobody can doubt that...<# are often signs that the
writer :nows perfectly well that he or she hasn=t done a very good job proving the statement that
follows. (I confess, I use those words myself. 3o they can=t be all bad... obviously.#
Instead of just announcing that a certain thing is <terrible< or <horrendous< or <the most hideous
thing you can possibly imagine< and expecting your reader to believe you, a good writer should
present evidence (vivid examples# that lead the reader to conclude, on his or her own, that this
thing is terrible (or wonderful, etc.#
Sometimes# $%elling$ Is Good
<Eur coach is a former champion wrestler, but now he is overpaid, overweight, and over forty.<
??#ena Taylor
<'hese are the times that try men=s souls.< ??T)o$as Paine
<I am your father.< ?? #art) 7ader