21 [Byun Baekhyun] Its all just fatalism

On the day I left the hospital, it was Tae Shin Hyung and Luhan Hyung who came to pick me up.
Luhan Hyung, why did you come too? I was shocked. From what I heard from Chanyeol, Luhan
Hyung and Sehun were recently preparing for their subgroups comeback, and they were both very
busy.
I havent come see you in a while, Luhan Hyung said, smiling with a hint of guilt, Ive been in
China for a long time, and was busy preparing for the subgroup, it feels I havent seen you in a really
long time.
This made me slightly overwhelmed, You really dont have to come, look, Im perfectly fine now.
Tae Shin Hyung who had just finished some paperwork at the side gave us a side stare, Quickly get
on the car, you guys are in a group, theres no need to be so polite with each other.
Both of us let out a laugh.
Ya, Hyung, youre too much, I was speaking the truth.
Yeah right Luhan, youre so real. Get in the car, Tae Shin muttered sarcastically as he got into the
drivers seat. The two of us followed his orders and got into the seats at the back.
Throughout our whole trip, Luhan Hyung blasted Kyungsoos new song as he hummed to it, I felt
happy too, being able to leave the boring hospital.
I watched the greenery outside the window fly past me, it was already spring.
What have the other members been doing recently?
Chanyeol went for filming, his drama starts filming today, Luhan replied, but he only spoke of Park
Chanyeol, as if to me the other members only consisted of Park Chanyeol.
I felt slightly awkward, as if someone had peeked into my secrets.
Speaking of that drama, Tae Shin Hyung who had been driving the whole time suddenly spoke,
The company has been trying to get you to sing the OST for it.
Being away from schedules for long, it took a while for me to understand what he was saying, it was
only after seeing how Luhan Hyung did not respond when I realised he was speaking to me.
Get who to sing it?
You, Tae Shin Hyung looked at me through the mirror, You have to return to the industry
somehow, since you cant immediately involve yourself in schedules, why not start with an OST.
Really?
I was still dazed while Luhan turned around to look at me, You can do it! Ive seen Chanyeols
scripts, it looks pretty good. Im sure it will become popular!
It would be a rare chance to get to sing OSTs, and if the drama gets popular, the OSTs would as well.
Though this job would be pressurising, I was glad.
Then I heard Tae Shin Hyung ask Luhan in a soft voice, Oh yeah, Chanyeol is fine
recentlyright?
Luhan Hyungs happy mood seemed as if it has been extinguished all of a sudden, his reply was cold.
Yeah, hes fine.
I didnt get what he was trying to say.
Whats wrong with Chanyeol?
I asked carefully, Chanyeol, he, he is fine right?
Just Just as Tae Shin Hyung was about to say something, he was interrupted by Luhan Hyung.
Ill tell you afterwards.
---
But when I got back, no one told me anything about it.
And I realised that my life wasnt much difference from when I was at the hospital.
The rest of the members were busy, including Park Chanyeol.
The thought of him makes me feel a mix of feelings.
I witnessed his change, but I didnt understand what exactly it was about. Back then I would fall deep
into every word he said, but now every of his smile and hugs would make me fall ever deeper
beyond redemption.
Was it God pitying me.
Or is it you instead? Park Chanyeol.
I wanted to continue to enjoy your good, but Im afraid Id be unable to wake up from this dream.
---
A week later, I received an unexpected call from Wu Yifan.
Hello?
Hey, lets meet up this afternoon.
I have no
Dont say you have no time. You just got out from the hospital, youd be very free.
I gave up, Alright, wheres the spot.
Thus, I am now sitting in a caf, watching the person before me hold his cup, full of elegance.
Why did you call me here? I asked him.
He slowly put down his cup of coffee and looked at me with a smile I couldnt quite understand.
It seems as if you always feel unexpected to meet me outside of the hotel.
I instantly did not know how to respond to his words.
No
So you think we should meet up at the hotel and then do something?
I said I dont! I was slightly angered, but considering the identity of the person in front of me, I had
to control myself.
Be assured, I wont do anything to you taking into consideration your health, He put his joking tone
aside, Moreover, Im not that inhumane.
Its not like youve never been inhumane.
I didnt reply, I didnt want to care.
I called you out just to be with you for a while, He said plainly.
Seeing that I gave no reply, he continued on himself.
I heard your surgery was not too successful.
Its fine. I gave a simple reply.
Remember to go for regular check-ups, your illness might return.
Oh.
I felt strange after realising the fact that he has been stalking my condition.
Oh yeah, theres been something bothering me. Im sure you know what it is.
What?
I followed your instructions to push Lee Hayeon up to fame, He looked at me almost teasingly,
But I ended up pushing her into the same drama as Park Chanyeol.
I froze upon hearing his words.
Im the main investor of that drama, since I cant just place her as the female lead, I made her the
supporting actress.
You.you did that on purpose didnt you.
I had no idea, He watched me innocently, Its just that I find it interesting after getting to know
Park Chanyeol would be the male lead.

Afterwards, your company did approach me and the producers, to replace Lee Hayeon. Of course,
He smiled, I have no intention of doing so.
He anticipated my reaction.
I lowered my eyes and took a sip of hot tea.
Ah I see. Thats nice.
Hayeon has been fighting very hard, I could imagine.
Wu Yifan titled his head, Why? Arent you jealous?
I shook my head.
I dont have the rights to be jealous. If I were to be jealous of Hayeon due to the sudden change of
Chanyeols attitude towards me, Id be lacking too much awareness of my identity. Furthermore,
knowing the fact that Chanyeol can meet up with Hayeon more through the filming, hed be happier.
And I was suddenly reminded of when I was returning home from the hospital, how Manager Hyung
asked of Park Chanyeol, it was probably because he wanted to know whether there has been anything
happening between him and Hayeon while filming together.
Their love has always been so difficult, how nice would it be to get a chance to be together often.
Be together often.how nice.
I cant understand you, He shook his head, giving up, So dumb that no one can understand
youre so talented at that.
What the hell was that. I threw him a glance, too lazy to reply him.
Im very curious, why youre so willing to help Hayeon.

Isnt she your rival?
So you think I stand a chance against her in competing for Park Chanyeols love, Such a futile
battle, how could I consider her a rival of mine.
You always say you owe her. What do you owe her exactly?
I stopped swirling the tea in my cup.
The images from the past slowly surfaced.
Was it in the afternoon? Or dusk? I couldnt remember.
I was looking at the messages on my phone. After hesitating for a while, I dialled the number.
Hello? Hayeon.

Yeah, Chanyeol said his phone is out of battery. He called you but you didnt answer, he told me
to text you to meet at the normal place.

But I advice that the two of you should stop meeting up so frequently. I mean, his promotional
teasers are already out.

No thats not what I meant, Hayeon you

Cant you be considerate for Chanyeol? Hes always thinking for you, cant you do the same?

Can you stop being so stubborn!
.
Others relationship - why did I care so much.
I only remembered Hayeon shouting at me through the phone, I know you like him, so you cant stand
us being together. If you dare, go tell on us to the company.
I paused for a while, tightening my grip on the phone
If it affects Chanyeols career then I will.
I felt the other end hung up the call, angered. I put my phone in my pocket and turned around to find
Manager Jang standing at the door.
He watched me, smiling, but not really meaning emotion behind the action.
Baekhyun-ah.
Manager JangGood, good afternoon.
Is it Chanyeol you were talking about?

Lee Hayeon and Park Chanyeol? Huh!
I opened my mouth but nothing came out, my heart felt a splash of cold.
From then on I was pinned onto the cross, all the punishments were for me.
I bit my lips. If only back then, I had been more careful with my words, thered be much more happy
people.
So what exactly is it? Wu Yifans words pulled me back into reality, What crime did you commit?
That you have to go to such lengths to compensate it?
I took a deep breath.
Back then because of me, the company got to know about Park Chanyeol and Lee Hayeons
relationship. Thats whythe company fired her. I said softly, watching the tea leaves swirl in my
cup.
Ohhh~ He dragged his word, as if a sudden realisation, You told on them?
I guess so.
But what you did was right.
I watched him, speechlessly. Ive always found his morals problematic, I guess I was right.
Because of me she had to wait for so long to debut. Chanyeol was also forced to separate with her,
for one year, he couldnt see his lover, I laughed dryly, Thats considered right?
The only right thing must be my punishment and the price I have to pay.
The person in front of me was silent for a very long time. Then he gave a slight smile.
How interesting, you bunch of people,
Yeah. Us bunch of people. Controlled as if pawns, unable to be in charge of our destinies. Acting out
drama after drama in front of invisible camera lenses.
How very interesting.
The conversation continued on to get duller and duller. Then Wu Yifan picked up a call, he spoke in
his phone at the same time as he called for a waiter.
Bill. He said, after hanging up the call.
I took out my wallet, about to retrieve some money as Wu Yifan snatched it away from me, then he
tossed me his.
I Just as I was about to say something, he made a Shhh sign with his finger and started to
speak on the phone.
I gave up and took money from his wallet instead to pay the bill.
Two pieces of paper accidentally fell out.
Just as I was about to pick them up, Wu Yifan hung up the call.
Ah, just nice, theres a musical this week, do you want to go see? He picked them up to look at
them.
Was this aninvitation? I watched him, alert.
Dont look at me like that, I dont have time for those stuff, He threw the tickets towards me, Ill
give these to you.
Why would I want to go watch it I took the tickets over, La Vie En Rose?
Its your own choice.
Lets go, Ill send you back.
---
Original Writer:
Translations by: chanbaek-xoxo.tumblr.com
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